***Kate's room at the Salem Inn***
It had been days since that night Roman had come to see her. They hadn't spoken since then. Kate was pacing around her hotel room holding her phone. She kept starting text messages and then erasing them. She would start to call him and then close her phone in frustration. She knew she needed to give him space; he had to come to her. She understood, but the radio silence was driving her crazy. But also, when it came down to it, she just missed him.
"When did I become such a sap?" she thought to herself while rolling her eyes.
Even when they weren't together over the years, he was always there…like an annoying rash that refused to go away, but you just got used to it being a part of you. She chuckled a little at her silly own analogy that she knew would probably irritate him, but it was replaced with melancholy seconds later; now there was this missing piece, a hole in her life.
She needed to get out of this room. She was going stir crazy alone with her thoughts. She grabbed her purse and keys to leave. She hesitated for a moment. She hadn't really been going out much except to see Lucas or to check on Chad and the children. She hadn't really been hiding out per say, but she had been avoiding going out to minimize the risk of running into people who weren't really her biggest fans at the moment. Who was she kidding? She had definitely been hiding. Her heart ached thinking about Allie and Will especially. She took a breath and walked out of the room.
***Salem Place late morning***
She grabbed a coffee at Salem Place and found a little table in the corner of the square that was out of the way to not be too conspicuous…to hide. It was hot out today, but it was cloudy and there was gentle breeze rusting the tree next to her that made the temperature bearable.
She scrolls through some news articles on her tablet, glasses perched halfway down her nose. The words on the page start to blur, and then the front of her head starts throbbing. She sighs and sets her glasses and the tablet down on the table. She closes her eyes and lightly pinches the bridge of her nose with her fingers, steadying her breathing. The frequent tension headaches she had been getting lately had been almost unbearable. Luckily this one passes after only a few minutes.
She opens her eyes and takes a sip of coffee. She wasn't distracted by the mindless scrolling on her tablet anymore, so her mind drifts back to thoughts of Roman and her family. She fiddles absentmindedly with her coffee cup spinning it back and for the on the table, her eyes staring straight ahead but a million miles away.
Will and Allie, pushing Henry in his stroller, were walking through the square chatting and they spotted her. They paused and looked at each other. She's facing away from them and looks preoccupied; she hasn't seen them yet.
Will quietly asks, "Have you checked on her lately? I mean, should we? That text she sent was weirdly…passive for her. Do you think she's ok?"
Allie says, "I don't know, and I don't know if I even care. I'm still really angry at her, Will. I don't know if I can forgive her."
They had both received identical text messages from their grandmother after they had confronted her about her covering for their father. It read, "I love you and I'm so sorry. I know you don't want to hear from me right now. I won't send any more messages after this one and I will stay away and give you space. But I'm here if and when you're ready or if you need me." It was honestly, uncharacteristically un-pushy of her.
Will can't help it. He has a special place in his heart for his grandma and he is a little worried about her. She messes up all the time and does the worst things. Sometimes it's with good intentions and sometimes more selfish ones, but he's never doubted her love and desire for him and everyone she loves to be happy and safe. She's more like his mother than either one of them would ever admit. He starts to walk over to her; Allie reluctantly follows with Henry. They walk up to her table, and she still hasn't acknowledged their presence. She's completely consumed with her thoughts.
"Grandma?" Will says hesitantly.
Kate startles back to reality with a slight jump. Her eyes look tired. With a small smile that does not fully reach her eyes, she says a little hesitantly, "It's good to see you. How are you two? How is Henry?"
"We're doing ok all things considered. Are you ok?" questions Will.
"You know me. Nothing can keep Kate Roberts down," she says without any of her usual biting sarcasm. Will notes that it does not sound like her at all. Her tone is flat even though she has a small smile on her face.
Almost as if on cue, Henry starts making strings of mirthful babbling noises from the stroller. Allie picks him up and he looks around smiling. He reaches for Kate and almost launches himself into her lap. She catches him with a grunt and a laugh. A real laugh. "When did she last laugh?" She wondered to herself.
She looked down at Henry's face, he cracked a big smile of recognition and said, "Gigi!" He started clapping and laughing and continuing to have his own conversation with himself. Kate felt some tears welling up in her eyes; she manages to blink them back, but not before Will and Allie notice. She is truly smiling now; her eyes look brighter interacting with Henry. Allie and Will smile as well, before they can help themselves.
Roman rounds the corner of the square and spots the group and stops in his tracks. He moves and stands slightly out of view and just watches and listens. Roman notes some of the sparkle has returned to Kate's eyes with little Henry in her lap.
"It's really good to see all of you. I know you don't really want to see me right now. It's ok if you don't want to stay. I understand." Kate says.
Will looks at Allie indicating it was up to her. She says, "We can stay for a little while." Kate smiles and looks down at Henry and hugs him close to her.
They chat about nothing of significance for a few minutes while Henry continues to babble happily in Kate's lap. They are clearly avoiding discussing the elephant in the room that could derail the entire moment.
After a few minutes, Will says, "We were on our way over to meet Sonny and Arianna, so we have to head out. We'll see you around, ok?"
Kate nods her head. Allie takes Henry and they walk out of the square.
Kate lets out a deep breath, releasing tension in her body she didn't realize was there the last few minutes. A few of the tears she held back earlier rolled down her face, but she wipes them away quickly and picks up her phone to try to distract herself.
Roman walks over and sits in the chair next to her. "Hi, Kate."
She looks up and with a small smile says, "Hi, Roman."
"I saw you with the kids. I didn't want to interrupt. Henry is getting so big," he says with a smile.
"Yeah. I couldn't believe they acknowledged me, let alone, stayed and visited with me. Maybe there's some hope there," she says with a little sadness in her voice. "How was your morning?"
"Good," he says, lightly slapping his leg. "I was just taking a little walk for a breather after the breakfast rush."
"I'm glad," she says quietly with a small smile, fidgeting with her glasses on the table absentmindedly. She has no idea what else to say. Why does she feel so awkward right now around the one person she has always felt the most comfortable? Why were they talking about nothing? This strained small talk; it was so frustrating.
Roman could hear the hesitation in her voice. "Sorry I haven't, uh, called since we last saw each other. I just need some time." The animosity that was still there the last time they were together seems to have faded, but he still seemed guarded. She couldn't read him.
"It's ok. I understand," she says with small nod. Roman notes the sparkle that was in her eyes momentarily when she was holding Henry has faded.
"Listen, I have to go back to the Pub, but why don't you come over after close. We can have a drink and talk some more?"
"I'd like that," she nodded with a smile.
Roman nods and stands up, "See you later, then." He pauses for a moment then leans down for a quick, soft kiss on her cheek while gently squeezing her hand. Kate felt her heart jump in her chest and start beating more quickly.
She should be thrilled; Will, Allie, and Roman had all given her hope for the future today, but instead she was more wary than ever. Having hope is more terrifying than just accepting loss and being alone. Alone was safe and predictable.
***Later that night at the Pub***
Kate walks past the closed sign in the window and into the pub, using her key to open the door; fleetingly wondering why Roman hadn't taken it from her when he kicked her out, but she quickly pushes the thought away before the inevitable wave of despair crashes into her from the memory of that night. The pub is quiet and dark, just a soft glow of light over the bar. She sees Roman standing behind the bar drying dishes with a full martini sitting on the bar top. Her lips curve just slightly into a smirk. She walks slowly over to the bar, the sound her heels make on the wood floor cuts through the silence in the room.
Roman turns and smiles as he's putting a glass away. He throws the towel over his shoulder and says, "Made you a drink, Katie." Her breath catches in throat. His voice sounded so warm; it catches her off guard.
She moves to sit on the bar stool. The all too familiar and comfortable scene of Roman cleaning up behind the bar while she sips her drink feels bittersweet right now. There's a sting and an ache in her chest; she feels her face muscles tighten into grimace with the pain of that thought. She hopes he doesn't notice. She was always so happy here, precisely here, at this bar, in this spot…with him. Who would have thought? But did she ruin it? Is this the last time? Did he bring her here to let her down easy? Is that why he's being so nice? The thoughts race through her mind replacing the tentative hope she felt earlier with hopelessness.
Roman can see that Kate is distracted. She's doing a pretty good job masking it, but he sees the thoughts and doubts racing behind her eyes. He notices her face momentarily tense before she forces it to relax. They sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes while he finishes his last few chores behind the bar. The awkwardness she felt earlier in the day seems to have faded away.
He slides a fresh martini glass closer to her, sets the towel down on the bar, and pours himself a whiskey. He then moves to sit next to her on the other side of the bar. They talk for a bit, moving from subject to subject with ease; nothing of consequence, just polite conversation, managing to avoid all the dangerous topics that could disrupt the calm of this moment.
Internally, Kate is screaming, "What do you want, Roman? What is this small talk nonsense? Why am I here? What are we doing?" She's too afraid to ask out loud. She may not get the answer she's hoping for. Good lord, when did she become so spineless? Despite her frustration, she's just happy to be here, with him. She'll take the stupid, pointless small talk just to be here.
"It's getting late," he says abruptly, but not harshly. "Let me walk you out." She nods as he lightly takes her hand to help her off the barstool.
When they're almost to the door, he spins her around unexpectedly causing her to gasp in surprise. He looks down at her now wide eyes and touches her face softly. He then takes her waist and pushes her lightly against the door to the pub with a soft thud; causing her gasp again but silencing it with his lips as they crashed into hers. She stammers in surprise but immediately returns the kiss, one hand moving to touch his cheek, the other sliding to the back of his head, fingers moving through his hair, pulling him closer.
When they finally pull away, they are both breathing raggedly. They sit in silence for a moment with their foreheads touching, slowing their breathing. Kate feels like her heart is about to beat out of her chest and her head feels foggy. Roman reaches behind her, moving his body closer to hers, she feels his warm breath on her cheek and ear. He then grabs the doorknob and opens the door to the pub, catching her as she stumbles backwards slightly with the surprise of the door giving way behind her.
He smiles mischievously and says, "Goodnight, Katie." He closes to door leaving her standing outside alone in the dark with her thoughts.
"What the hell?" She says out loud to the empty courtyard.