I'm alive! I can't begin to apologize for how long it has taken me to get this update out. Without going into a bunch of depressing details, life has been kicking my ass these last months, but I'm starting to kick back. I appreciate and thank you for all your reviews and to those who reached out to me while i was away. I normally would use this space to reply to each of your reviews individually but I can't keep track of who I need to reply to on here so I'm sorry! I promise I will get back to my usual responding to your reviews in the next chapter. Without further delay, please enjoy the next chapter. I'm already hard at work on getting the next one out to you asap!
"I don't really know why I'm here," Dani confessed as she sat in the plush, oversized leather chair she had been directed to upon entering the office of her new therapist. She glanced around taking in all the differences in the two offices. Her old therapist office had been in the hospital and had seemed a little stuffy, and impersonal.
The office she was sitting in now was attached to a charming cottage house. The room felt warm and inviting, with lots of natural sunlight, lush plants, and comforting pastel walls with framed canvases each depicting a different single flower in a vase. There was a wall of bookcases filled to the brim with books and various knick-knacks and framed photos. The buttery soft leather of the chair she was sitting cross-legged in felt like a dream. The woman, Dr. Beverly Franklin, gave off the same warm vibes as her office. The doctor was dressed somewhat casually in dark wash jeans and a white gauzy blouse.
"I don't think that's quite the truth now, is it?" Dr. Franklin asked.
Dani sighed. "The truth is my life has been hard. Like a nightmare I could never wake up from for the longest time. I was kidnapped when I was just a girl, traded between groups of sex traffickers as I grew older and outgrew the… tastes of the group I was with. I eventually found a way out. An older woman found me and helped me. I was a mess when she took me in. She saved my life, helped me feel human again, taught me some basic life skills, because I had practically none. Got me to a point where I wanted to find my family. I barely remembered who I was at that point and it took a while but I eventually was able to track them down."
"How did that go—reuniting with your family?" Dr. Franklin asked.
"Things were rough with my mother for a while, but we're at a much better place now. My brother, Jax, has been amazing from the start. He's been so supportive and just really great. I've been introduced to a whole 'extended family' of sorts and all of them have done everything they could to help me more than I thought possible. But especially Jax and Opie."
"Opie is part of this extended family you mentioned?"
"Yes, but he's a lot more than that. Opie took me into his home and gave me a place to stay when I first got here. We were friends, really good friends, and then we were… more. He's the most important person in my life," Dani confessed.
"You sound hesitant in admitting that."
"When I first came back here, I was seeing another therapist. She told I wasn't ready for a relationship—that me that being with Opie and exposing myself to the activities of my brother and his friends was detrimental to my mental health and the progress I was making." Dani took a deep breath and continued. "Now is probably when I should tell you that my brother and Opie and almost everyone that I've met through them are involved in one way or another with the Sons of Anarchy. I know there are enough people that don't approve of them and so if you're part of the disapproving crowd, Dr. Franklin, I think it's best I know now."
"It is not my place as your therapist to advise you who should or should not befriend, date, or hang around. Now, if you indicate to me that you are questioning your place among certain people or relationships, it IS my place to ask you questions to guide you to some clarity of your own, not to share with you my opinion in those relationships. My opinions have no place in our conversations, unless you explicitly ask for them, and even then, I'm generally hesitant to share my personal opinions on most matters. But if it will set you more at ease as we get to know each other and discuss more how I can help you, I will tell you that I have only lived in the area for a few years. I've had only limited interactions with some members of the club. I've heard rumors about their organization, but I tend not to put much stock in rumors. I doubt they're boy scouts, but what they do or do not do is not my concern.
"I will say that groups like that fascinate me from a professional standpoint. Groups like that tend to have their own moral compasses, that while very different from what is considered norm, is far from bad. They tend to value loyalty and respect, and cherish and protect their families, their women, and their children, and are fierce protectors. Taking those aspects into account, I don't think your interactions with them are harmful, and in fact may contribute greatly to your successes in regaining your sense of self and sense of normality."
Dr. Franklin chuckled at the obvious sense of relief she saw as Dani sighed and relaxed her posture. "I take it that meets with your approval."
Dani nodded. "Yeah, it took me a while to get up the nerve to look for another therapist after what happened before, let alone actually come here."
"I'm glad you did come here. I'd like to talk to you in a minute about some of the things you think you would like to work on with me, but before I do—I have a feeling that I have a very different approach than your previous therapist. While I believe firmly in the boundaries of therapist and patient, I think I have a more casual approach than you previously experienced. You can call me Dr. Franklin, or if you prefer, you may call me Beverly.
"I encourage you to be as comfortable and open here as you can. Feel free to sit wherever you like, these chairs, the sofa, even the yoga pillows and we can sit on the floor and talk. Whatever makes you feel the most comfortable any given day is what I encourage. There may be times where I ask you to spend the majority of our session journaling certain topics to help you explore your thoughts and feelings on certain things, or other times where we may explore art therapy. There may be times when I suggest instead of meeting in the office that we conduct our session on a walking trail outside in the fresh air and nature."
Dani nodded. "That all sounds okay to me."
"Excellent. Now you've shared with me a bit of your background and some positives in your life, I would like to understand more some of the challenges you are still dealing with as a result of your experiences.
Dani sighed again. "Well, I still have nightmares pretty frequently. For a long time I would get out of bed and refuse to go back to sleep after I would wake up from one of them, I would do something to keep my hands busy or obsessively journal about my dreams. I'm at the point where I don't want to let my nightmares keep me from my life and I've started staying in bed, close to Opie. I don't want my dreams to take away my time with him, and being around him makes me feel calmer, more centered, especially after a bad dream, but I still don't know if that is the best way to handle myself when I have a nightmare.
"Also, the more questions I get answered about what happened to me and the people that took me, the more confused I get, every answer leads me to a dozen more questions and it seems so overwhelming at times, I don't know how to deal with it at times. I have issues with crowds. I was going to take a GED course at a community college, but I get so anxious and paranoid being in crowds, especially when I don't have anyone around me that I know that I can anchor myself to. I decided to just take the class online instead. Every time I'm out running errands lately, I feel paranoid, like I'm being watched. I know that it isn't true and it's just me being uneasy being around people because of how I was taken, but it's exhausting. And there's a million other things that I can't think of right now."
"That's all right." Dr. Franklin said. "You've shared enough that we have a good starting point. Now let's talk a little more about these nightmares…"
Dani pulled into the TM lot and climbed out of her truck, shutting the door behind her. She could see some of the guys gearing up to take off on their bikes and spotted Opie among them, sitting on his bike, helmet in hand, and she smiled when he looked up and caught her eye. "Hey Sasquatch," she said as she got close.
"There's my warrior princess." Opie replied, putting a hand around her neck, and bringing her down to meet him for a kiss. "How did it go today?"
"Pretty good." Dani admitted. "I think she is going to work out better than my old doctor. You headed out?" she asked.
"Yeah, probably going to be late." Opie told her.
"Want me to leave a plate of dinner for you?"
"Don't worry about it, babe. Why don't you order something in? Take a night off from cooking and relax." He suggested.
"Yeah, I wouldn't mind ordering some pizza, maybe." Dani said. "Be safe," she whispered, leaning down for another kiss. "I'm going to workout for a bit before I head out." She told him when she pulled away a moment later.
"Ok," Opie said as he put on his helmet. "Some of the guys will be around if you need anything. Jax is here, but I think he's getting ready to take off." Dani nodded. "Tomorrow is opening day for the carnival that's come to town. How do you feel about going? We were all gonna meet up there and hang out for a bit."
"I've never done the carnival thing before. Can we do the whole thing with the rides and the games and the cotton candy? Can we try and win a goldfish?" Dani asked excitedly.
"Whatever you want, Xena." Opie told her, chuckling at her enthusiasm. "So, I take it you want to go?"
"Yeah," Dani nodded happily before a look of hesitation came across her face. "There's gonna be a group of us you said?" At Opie's nod she relaxed again. "That's good. It's just that I still keep getting that feeling when I'm out that someone is watching. I know I'm being paranoid, but I'll feel better with plenty of faces I know around me to offset all the strangers."
Opie took her hand. "One day at a time. It'll get easier to more we do things. I'm proud of you for not letting it stop you from doing something you want to do." Giving her one final squeeze, Dani took a step back as Opie and the other s started their bikes and drove off. She gave them all a wave as she made her way inside the clubhouse to drop off her things.
Dani spent about 45 minutes pounding the punching bag, before wandering back into the bar for a bottle of water. She walked herself behind the counter and grabbed her drink before looking around the bar. There was only one other person in the room with her and with a decision that she had been weighing back and forth finally clicked into place. Dani took a deep breath to steady herself and walked over to the other side of the bar. "Hey Happy," she said. "Do you have a minute?" Dani trusted Happy but he still made her a little nervous to talk to and she had never approached him one on one before.
"Always for you, little killer." Dani wrinkled her nose at the nickname. "What can I do for you?" Happy asked.
"Um, you've seen my scars, right? Stupid question, I know you have. Well, I've been thinking that I want to cover them up. Not to hide them, like I used to do with all my sweaters and long sleeves, but I want to turn them into something beautiful that makes me feel strong and remind myself that I made it out and I'm talking too much aren't I?"
"Nah," Happy said. "What did you have in mind?" Dani and happy spent the next few minutes discussing a design before Happy sketched out an example on the back of a bar napkin. There would be vines crisscrossing her back weaving on top of her scars. The vines, complete with leaves and thorns would be done in various shades of black and gray. To bring the piece to life there would be large purple flowers blooming in various spots along the vines.
"This is great," Dani told him looking at the drawing. "Can you do it tomorrow? After the carnival? Does that work for you? If not we can pick another time and that will be—"
"Tomorrow works." Happy interrupted her. "I'll draw it up and we can get it done tomorrow. I need to take a picture of your back so I can mockup where and how the vines will grow and where best to place the flowers." Dani nodded, and though it made her a little uncomfortable she pulled up the back of her shirt and let Happy snap a picture of the damage. "You know it's gonna hurt, right? You sure you want to do this?" he asked.
Dani nodded. "Getting the scars hurt. This is taking them back and it will be nothing in comparison."
All Happy did in response was nod, but Dani felt a slight increase in respect from him. "Anything you can think of that you want to change about the design we discussed?" he asked.
Dani started to shape her head no, but stopped. "Actually, there is one small thing…" she said and leaned over the images to explain her idea further.