A/N: Hey all, and welcome to chapter eight! Nice to see this fun little story gain its following little by little. As always, enjoy what I have in store for you.

Paradox Effect

Summary: Dying sucked. Dying and being killed by the same teammate again? That sucked even more. Dying and being thrown back into Blood Gulch as a girl? That REALLY sucked. Now, Leona Church will have to put up with Tucker's perverted looks, Caboose's stupidity, and worst of all, Tex's laughter…

*Chapter 8*

DuFresne sighed as he checked the wounded Blue soldier that was called Caboose. He though dealing with both Church and that blonde was terrifying (he could still smell the pee), but right now he think he would rather wet himself in fear rather than listen to any more of Caboose's idiocy.

"So, let me get this all straight," he said, speaking slowly so Caboose would hopefully understand him. "Your leader, Church, was once a guy."

"Yes." Caboose nodded.

"And he was killed by a tank."

"Well…yeah. We all agree it was an accident. No one is at fault for the tank being mean."

"It is entirely your fault, asshole!" Church yelled from outside. "You were the one driving it!"

"It had six pedals! And there are only four directions!" Caboose protested.

"That's not a fucking excuse!"

"Anyway," DuFresne interrupted, hoping to whatever God existed that Church wouldn't try and murder the two of them. "Church became a really mean ghost, you say?"

"Yeaaaah," Caboose replied. "He told us about his mean boyfriend Tex, which makes him a gay robot. Tex got captured by the Reds getting our flag back, who I gave to this very nice man. I think he was the general?"

DuFresne prevented himself from sighing in despair. The more this conversation went on, the more he wished he stayed outside to make sure that Church's girlfriend wasn't experiencing any side effects as a result of her recent operation. She was at least intelligent, even if she literally scared the piss out of him.

"Okay, I'm going to pretend I understood half of that." He could feel the headache approaching the longer he sat in the base. "Anyway, ignoring the gay robot stuff, Church went to go break Tex out, and then you shot him in the head with a sniper rifle, killing him again."

"I think my rifle just has an auto aim feature to killing Church." Caboose shrugged. "I don't know why."

"Maybe it's because you're a teamkilling fucktard?" Church suggested helpfully. "Seriously man, you're responsible for more stress in my life than my own girlfriend in the two weeks you've been here."

DuFresne prevented himself from laughing at that, coughing to keep what little composure he had left. "So, when you next saw Church, that's when he became a girl. Okay, I think that makes sense. Man, it seems like the universe is really out to get her."

"Yeah…" Caboose sighed and looked at his foot. "Um, doctor? Can you help me find my toe? I don't know where it went."

"Sorry Caboose, but my treatments aren't exactly effective after amputation."

"But Church told me she was going to put it in a stew."

DuFresne let out a sigh of despair. Girl, guy, or whatever the fuck she was now, Church was definitely the biggest asshole in Blood Gulch.

"Hey, where's Tucker? He's usually here somewhere."

The medic rubbed his temples and made his way to the cabinets to start seeing what kind of liquor they had stashed. Something told him that he was going to need a drink or two to get through today without breaking his pacifist code.

"Hey, doctor?" Caboose asked.

DuFresne didn't feel like correcting the dumb Blue this time. "What, Caboose?"

"Why don't you have a gun if you're in the army?"

"Yeah dude, that's a good question." Tucker chose this time to enter the conversation, sporting a new shiny bruise around his eye that looked suspiciously similar to the butt of a sniper rifle. The medic was willing to bet Church did it. "The fuck are you, a flower girl?"

"No, I'm a pacifist," DuFresne replied.

"You're a thing that babies suck on?" Caboose's head titled to the side.

"No dude, that's a pedophile." Tucker shook his head.

"That's a pacifier, you fucking moron," Tex snapped, joining. "A pacifist means he's a little bitch who runs instead of standing his own ground and fighting back." She went over to raid the cabinets, shoving the medic aside and pulling out a bottle of whiskey. "Hey, Church! Want a drink!?"

"How the fuck am I going to drink it when my goddamned hands are tied behind my back!?" she screamed.

"Ah, quit complaining. You're loving it~."

"Shut up, Tex!"

DuFresne looked at Tex, hoping for some kind of explanation. "Um…why does Church have her hands tied behind her back?"

"You don't want to know. For your sanity." Tex grabbed the bottle and walked out to do whatever she was doing to Church, and Tucker smirked before following her as quietly as he could.

The medic sighed and went to go start making preparations for a patient with serious brain trauma. Something told him he was going to need to.

Too bad he turned his back for a second.

The minute he turned around, he saw that Caboose was also gone. "Um, Caboose? Where the fuck did you go? Please don't tell me you went after Church."

Nothing but crickets answered him, and he sighed.

"Well, fuck me."

Church gulped as Tex reentered the room with a bottle of whiskey, struggling to try and free her hands from the handcuffs that currently had them bound behind her back. "Tex…please don't…" 'God fucking dammit. Fuck my life. One moment I'm yelling at the remains of the AI that was in her head, and the next I'm tied up like a lamb.'

Tex merely smirked at her and waggled her finger at her, licking her lips. "No talking back now. I'm in charge here, Leona."

That tone of voice made Church feel a certain way. She wasn't sure if she liked it. 'Wait…is this seriously how it feels to be aroused as a girl? Fucking really!?' She was half tempted to groan.

Still, she wouldn't argue that it was much easier to hide being wet than it was concealing an erection. '…okay, maybe this isn't half bad. It's certainly more inconspicuous. No noticeable changes in my armor as far as I can tell.'

She squirmed in her chair, trying to scowl at her teasing ex. "Tex, why the hell are you doing this? Give me an honest fucking answer."

"What, you telling me you don't want this?"

"If you're only fucking me to fuck me, then no. I don't want that shit. I've had enough of pointless emotionless sex to last a lifetime."

"Honestly? I figured you were right." Tex shrugged and pulled out the cork in the bottle. "With Omega out of my head, I don't feel as bitchy and irritable. Why not give each other another chance?"

"And this was your idea of starting over?" Church rolled her eyes. "Real fucking romantic, Allison."

Tex froze at the mention of her real name. No one ever used it, not even Church. It had probably been years since someone actually said it.

"Shit, I shouldn't have. Sorry," Church apologized.

Tex was quick to shake her head. "No, it's not your fault. Before you, you know how long it had been since someone used my name? My real one?"

"No. How long?" Church asked quietly.

"Three years." The blonde lowered her head. "When I deserted from Project Freelancer and attempted to rescue Alpha. Only one other person apart from you knows it."

She turned away and closed her eyes, sighing. "The one who helped me break in, all those years ago. Lieutenant Charles Decker."

"Also known as Agent—"

She was cut off by a moron in blue armor barging in. "Church, I'll save you from her evil snacks!" Fucking Caboose. Of course it would be him.

"OUT!" Church screamed, standing up with her hands still bound. "NOW!"

"Aww, but why does Tucker get to play?" Caboose asked.

"Wait…what?"

The door of the closet came crashing down not even ten seconds later, and out came Tucker. "Dude, what the FUCK!? This takes cockblocking to a whole new level! I came in to see some hot girl on girl action, not hear this mushy shit!"

"Seriously, Tex? How the fuck did you not notice he was in there?" Church asked exasperatedly, not even really in the mood to try and kill her annoying teammate.

Tex didn't answer. Her back was to her and she stood over by the window, but Church could see her shoulders shaking a little. "I'm sorry. For everything. It was my fault she died."

"York…"

A/N: Yeah, I'm doing exactly what you think I'm doing. In canon, we never got to really see how Tex felt being responsible for Carolina's 'death' (I mean, it was her actions that did technically send her to the Meta). Not only that, but I think Tex and York have some really good potential together.

C. Strife #5371