Chapter 5

Rukia hadn't heard from Ichigo much after that night. She dutifully checked her phone anyway, every morning and every night. She admitted a few times that she'd check on him while he was sleeping – just to make sure that he was, and fight the temptation of checking his journal. She spoke to Isshin briefly once in a while. He was never explicitly told what happened, but it wasn't difficult to piece the story together.

First, Inoue stopped showing up. Isshin watched Ichigo's form slumped over his dinner, poking his food back and forth on his plate. No, he thought, that couldn't be the cause. He knew from the beginning that the girl was a good friend, knew that Ichigo barely gave her a moment's thought except when she was in danger (needed saving). Plus, he heard from his neighbours that the girl left for Tokyo, apartment now empty awaiting its next owner. Ichigo wasn't sleeping, but this time it wasn't from the nightmares. Isshin made it a habit to be aware of the visits in and out of his house, and when Rukia no longer visited, Ichigo's mood plummeted. The kid had bags under his eyes, and a sullen air hung around him. So, when Rukia called to check in, there was an unspoken truth revealed – they weren't talking anymore, and it must have been because Ichigo-

"Dad can you stop staring at me?" Ichigo glared.

Isshin made a show of looking away, "Hard to ignore the way you sap the energy out of the room."

Ichigo rolled his eyes, "Whatever, I don't need this." Ichigo began to collect his plates and headed for the kitchen.

"Rukia called to check on you," Isshin said, "Are you two not talking?"

Ichigo stopped, back to his father, a hand dropped to his side. "No more than we need to."

Ichigo was telling the truth. Rukia would text him to ask how he was doing, and he would keep it extremely simple. He felt the words hollow, having no care other than one of loyalty. And for a moment, he felt empathy for Inoue, probably alone in Tokyo fresh from heartbreak. He set the dishes in the sink and let the water run over them. No matter, Ichigo thought, if she didn't feel the same way, then this was how it was supposed to be. He, alone in a world he felt he no longer belonged, and her… gone.

As he washed the dishes, he overheard a commotion at the front of the house. He ignored it, looking forward to disappearing into his room for some silence and alone time.

"He's in here," He overheard his dad's voice get closer.

"Ah, Kurosaki," Urahara said with his famously suspicious grin, "You've become quite the strapping young man."

Ichigo couldn't help but feel the weight on his shoulders lift. "Urahara, how's the life of an outcast treating you?"

"I'm not an outcast if I chose to leave," He chuckled, "I'm here because of an invitation."

Ichigo received the envelope, words inked carefully in his name.

"Say you'll come, you're kinda the guest of honour after all." Urahara smirked.

The words 'Peace Festival' adorned in gold, underneath the time and location.

"I don't know," Ichigo muttered, folding the letter closed, "I don't really know anyone up there."

"No? What about Rukia? Renji?" Urahara asked, "Your father certainly can't go alone either."

"What?" Ichigo had an amused look, and turned to his father.

"It's true, it'd be pretty embarrassing to turn up without the guest of honour."

Ichigo eyed them suspiciously, and let out a sigh. "Alright, fine. I'll bring Uryuu or something."

"Excellent," Urahara said, and watched as Ichigo left them alone.

"You owe me," Ichigo overheard Urahara say to Isshin with a snicker.

Rukia fixed the yukata she had chosen for the evening, final adjustments to her pins and ensuring that she wouldn't trip on the garb. She heard a knock on the door and Renji stood in front of her in a grey summer yukata, tattooed chest cooling in the breeze.

"You look good," Renji smirked as she fell to step beside him.

She smirked in return, "I know."

He laughed. "I overheard Ichigo and his father are joining the party tonight."

"As they should, they are the guests of honour." Rukia replied.

A comfortable silence washed over them both as they made their way to the event. Crickets chirped in the distance, and a cool breeze pushed Rukia's hair into her face. Renji watched as she held stray bangs back with a free hand, the other on her dress.

"I was worried you wouldn't come," Renji began, "You've been busy."

Rukia was pleased that it appeared to be busyness, when really she had been struggling through the nights at times with worry. She learned about a week in that if she tired herself out enough during the day, she didn't have time to think overnight. When she wasn't training, she volunteered to teach classes, train new members, organize squads, complete piles of paperwork, and attend any relevant meeting she could find. She was running, and it worked. Could she say that a certain young man wasn't crossing her mind anymore? It was happening less, at least, and if it happened it was triggered by memories bubbling to the surface loosely guarded. And when it happened, she let it visit, and in Kuchiki fashion, carried on, steeling herself against the waves of emotions threatening to drown her.

"I have been," Rukia said, "I almost didn't make it tonight."

"I heard, Byakuya?" Renji asked.

"Yes."

No, it was because of Ichigo. The guest of honour bull was suggested by Urahara himself, when he waltzed into a captain's meeting for a brief update on Karakura.

"I think now that the dust has settled, we should show some gratitude to the heroes of this war. No, Kuchiki-san?" He smirked in the direction of the nobles.

"Unnecessary," Byakuya replied in his low tone, eyes on his notes in front of him, refusing to acknowledge the jester that was Urahara.

"The kids are living their lives, I think they'll be too busy," Rukia added, smiling politely at Urahara.

Shunsui glanced at Urahara, who smirked in return.

"Well, a little drink, a little music, why not?" The head captain leaned back in the chair. "Given the number of losses we've gone through, I think it'd be a shame if we didn't celebrate what lives."

"Perfect," Urahara said, pulling out his phone and turning to leave.

"I trust you'll handle the guest list?" Shunsui asked.

"Handled." Urahara called out, raising his free arm.

Rukia shook her head to end the recollection of what would have made an otherwise pleasant change of pace slightly uncomfortable. Granted, if Ichigo and his father were not half dead entities, this would not come to pass. She frowned at the fact that this time, there were no others to keep him preoccupied.

"It'll be fun," said Renji, elbowing Rukia gently.

Rukia looked up at Renji with a polite smile, "You're right."

Renji stepped back, allowing Rukia to walk ahead of him through the entrance. Momentarily stunned by her smile but worried by her tired eyes.

Ichigo fluffed his hair, and let out a huff in front of the mirror. He wondered why he agreed to attend the damn thing. Uryuu was unfortunately unavailable that evening, so he had to attend with his father. Ichigo hated to admit that the man looked pretty good in his old uniform, and knew how to carry himself with nobility. He glared.

Isshin laughed, "Relax your shoulders, son." He patted Ichigo's shoulder gently. "Your noble blood will do the talking, not to mention the fact that you saved the entire world – the rest will do the work for you."

Ichigo nodded, scowl deepening upon realizing that his dad's advice would actually be useful. "Do I… say anything? I haven't had any actual conversation with these people-"

"You don't have to say anything at all, you can let me do the talking." Isshin smirked. "If you feel up to sharing anything, go for it, but remember – we can leave whenever you want."

The young man nodded, feeling a bit like a kid at his first adult get-together. He followed his father to Urahara's shop where Urahara and Yoruichi waited at an already summoned gate. He wore something that wasn't his usual garb, hat off, with subtly patterned yukata. Yoruichi switched her jacket to a long yukata with gold patterns almost similar to Urahara's. They were chatting leisurely and stood to attention once the pair arrived.

"Looking good boys," Yoruichi grinned, turning to open the gate.

"Based on my calculations we'll arrive a bit of time after the party starts." Urahara said, checking his watch.

"Best part," Yoruichi mused, "most people are a drink or two in, settled into a nice buzz."

"Easy to slip out once I've grown tired," Urahara added.

Isshin glanced at his son who was scowling at no one in particular, mind elsewhere.

"It's been a while since I've been to these things, anything I need to know?" Isshin asked.

"Hmm…" Urahara paused.

Ichigo was barely present as Urahara spoke. He was focused on his feet, a step at a time in the familiar path towards soul society. A path he took a few years ago illegally, roaring to fight to the death to rescue Rukia. He looked up at his company and registered how things had changed.

"You okay, boy?" Yoruichi smirked, smacking Ichigo on the back.

"Yeah-" Ichigo laughed.

"You're gonna do a lot of these in your lifetime, I can guarantee that." Yoruichi said gently, "It's boring. It helps to remember that most adults just want to be kids again. Or you can pretend they're all naked." She laughed, watching Ichigo blush.

"Still blushing? How old are you now?" Urahara joked, and Isshin let out a relieved sigh as he watched Ichigo loosen.

They were greeted by a few unseated officers with a simple bow, and led to the square promptly. From meters away, Ichigo saw that this was a festival for the whole district. He passed a few civilian booths, decorated in colourful paper and loud signs selling food and drink. He did his best not to notice the stares from the patrolling officers, as he took in the sights and sounds of the celebration. He was overhearing Urahara mention that they didn't typically open the area to civilians, but that this festival may be the annual exception. The crowds were peaceful and joyful. Ichigo enjoyed the atmosphere for a moment, realizing how he didn't really get a chance to enjoy these things with his friends, he supposed it was hard to, as he spent most months training or in battle.

As the passed the civilian section, they came closer to a colourfully lit square with slightly louder music and powerful reiatsus mingling with each other. The officers left them at the gate, and bowed to be excused to announce the guest of honour's arrival.

The music lulled to half its volume, and the gate opened simultaneously. Ichigo was pushed ahead by the adults behind him, and he walked in slowly, head held high and shoulders relaxed. He was met by applause. A few captains took their turns greeting them, Shunsui ushering him over at the end of the short line. Ichigo noted that Rukia was missing, however, he noticed Byakuya in a back corner quietly seated and politely third party to Urahara and Yoruichi's banter. He watched as his father faded easily into the crowd, appearing to be catching up with old acquaintances and gave Ichigo a nod of reassurance.

"Kid, you've been through hell and back for a bunch of strangers," He took Ichigo to sit beside him, nodding a greeting to the rest of the party that came with him. "You're young." Shunsui sat, and motioned for Ichigo to sit beside him.

Ichigo sat, and received a cup of sake from Shunsui who winked as he handed it over. "Thanks," Ichigo muttered. As Shunsui took a pause to sip on his drink, Ichigo continued to regard the space. Tables paired with chairs dotted the corners of the square, a few tables of food on either side – dessert and main? High ranking officers – at least Ichigo assumed so, with badges on their upper arm a lot like Rukia's and Renji's – sprinkled throughout, and servers pouring tea, clearing plates. The décor kept simple – coloured paper danced slightly in the breeze much like the ones in the civilian area, summer flowers and plants on the tables. The gardens surrounding the square did most of the work, and the small lanterns warmly added a beautiful contrast to the stark black sky full of stars.

"As I was saying," Shunsui said, setting down his now empty cup onto the table beside him, "You're young, you've got quite a bit of life left, what are you planning to do with it?"

Ichigo played with the cup in his hands, "Medicine," he replied, suddenly realizing he had barely told anyone his plans for the future, most people who mattered already knew anyway.

"Ah, protecting sick souls," Shunsui commented, "You're what, 18?"

"Yeah," Ichigo replied, suddenly deciding to sip the drink. He was surprised by the fact that it was simply tea.

Shunsui smirked, "Your dad may be relaxed, but we can't have the guest of honour drunk now, could we?" Then the head captain turned his head towards the square, and Ichigo's eyes followed.

"Excuse me," Ichigo said, standing immediately once he set his drink gently on the small table beside him.

"You're excused," Shunsui chuckled, knowing Ichigo couldn't have heard him, as he had already crossed half the plaza.

Rukia was pulled to the side by Renji, and he gently led her into a deserted section of the garden.

"Renji, what are you doing?"

"You're not yourself, what's going on?" Renji asked, finally letting go of her wrist.

"What are you talking about? I'm fine, I'm a little tired maybe-"

"Rukia, I've been your friend for years, you can bear to be honest with me sometimes."

Rukia looked up at Renji after a long sigh, "These events can be a lot," she yielded. She took a breath to continue, half wondering if she should share her hesitancy about seeing a certain guest.

"We don't have to go," Renji interrupted, "we can leave right now."

Rukia smiled gently, "Thank you, but it's part of the job and you know it too."

Renji scratched the back of his head, wondering how to comfort her.

"We should go, we're running late as it is, and I think he's already here-" She looked towards the direction of the gate.

"You're not alone," Renji said, grabbing her shoulders, "I don't ever want to leave you that way again."

Rukia looked at Renji in surprise, wondering where all this was coming from.

"I just-" he fumbled, "You're gorgeous and I can't think straight-" Renji threw his head back in equal parts frustration and embarrassment, "I didn't even think you'd say yes to going with me."

"Renji? What's going on?" Rukia let out an amused smirk.

"If it wasn't obvious, Rukia, I'm trying my best to court your ass."

Rukia's eyes widened in surprise, "What?" She said a little too loudly.

"You are incredibly frustrating," Renji replied, "I like you, okay? Maybe for years."

Rukia didn't know whether to laugh or cry or curse at the heavens, she settled on, "Do we have to do this now?"

Renji had never really confessed his feelings for anyone before, but he noted that maybe this reaction wasn't the one he wanted. "You're right," he conceded, "this isn't the time or place. But promise me you'll think on it." Renji knew Rukia was careful, and he didn't want to scare her into hiding. Not that the woman was easily scared, he just knew that she barely considered these things, and maybe barely considered him (he didn't want to consider that yet).

"Alright," Rukia replied, and she turned to leave.

Rukia saw the gate near, and her heart was pounding. Never mind Renji's ill timed confession, she didn't know yet how to regard the young man she had to interact with beyond the gates. No matter, she didn't have time, as the gates swung open.

The crowd parted as Ichigo gently pushed his way past the bodies. Characters more powerful than he at this point, he ignored as if another random bystander in a crowded room. His senses aligned on the reiatsu he knew most intimately, one that his soul long to feel for weeks. He couldn't hear the music, or notice the hush, as his focus narrowed.

Rukia noticed the quiet, and looked around to see what had happened, once she gave a polite bow to the rest of her colleagues. Suddenly, he was a few meters in front of her. Taller somehow, powerful, more a man every day that passed.

She swallowed her nervousness quietly as she regarded him. She smirked, a habit that occurred whenever she saw a friend, and all she could muster despite her fast heart.

"Welcome back, Ichigo," She broke the silence, impressed at her own composure.

At once, it seemed (though unbeknownst to them) the usual hubbub and music returned to its previous volume. The powerful figures still keeping an eye on the interaction, but mindful of the relationship the two shared, made sure to keep their attention unnoticeable.

"We're talking now?" Ichigo asked. He eyed Renji's change of stance at the question.

Rukia let out a sigh, "Renji, do you mind?"

"You came with him, did you?" Ichigo said pointedly.

"Watch it." Renji snarled. "Guest of honour or no, I'd still destroy you." He smirked, cracking his knuckles.

"Bring it on," Ichigo replied, leaning towards the male, reiatsu rising.

"Hey," Isshin appeared out of nowhere, "Control yourself," he gave Ichigo a stern look with a touch on his shoulder.

Ichigo whipped his hand off.

"Rukia, please." Isshin requested.

Rukia pulled Ichigo along towards a more deserted section of the party. Isshin glanced at Renji who nodded a small bow in respect, and tried his best not to look in the direction of Ichigo and Rukia's departure. She'll think on it, he reminded himself, as he helped himself to a cup of alcohol and a seat.

"What is wrong with you?" Rukia started, finally letting go of him once they were out of earshot. "This is not the time nor the place."

"I haven't seen you in weeks, and I haven't heard from you besides your bullshit courtesy checks."

Rukia stifled the urge to punch the life out of him, "I've been busy-"

"Oh, is that it? Because that clearly wasn't a problem when you were visiting me every night!" Ichigo said a little too loudly, at which a few officers had to look and just as quickly turn away once they locked eyes with the 13th division captain.

Rukia grabbed Ichigo's forearm with a vice-like grip, dragging him farther from the crowd. "That wasn't a problem because you needed me." She said firmly, letting go of him once they were in a darkened, poorly lit section of the garden.

"I still need you," Ichigo said, "You realize you're the only thing keeping me sane?"

"Ichigo-"

"And fuck you, I thought about this, you can't tell me what I'm feeling, you can't tell me I can't feel this way about you-" Ichigo began.

"Not now, Ichigo."

"Then when, Rukia? Are you going to ignore me and hope that these feelings go away?"

"You're young-"

"Why the fuck does everyone keep pointing that out?"

"You're emotional, I get it, you've been through hell, I've been consistent-"

"Shut up!" Ichigo exploded, turning and taking a few steps away. He placed a hand on his head, the other on his hip as he took a breath to calm himself.

Rukia grabbed her opposite arm, she looked down at the ground, trying to maintain her composure. This night was definitely nowhere near planned. She didn't know what to say, she only knew what was right.

"Are you going to leave me like this?" Ichigo asked, not looking at her, head leaning back, looking up at the sky. His breathing sounded shallow, the aching in his chest rearing its head again.

"You deserve a proper rejection," Rukia said, at this, she felt her heart thrash in her chest, "Ichigo, turn around and look at me damn it."

Ichigo turned, and looked at her, in the low light his eyes glistened, and Rukia fought the urge to knock some sense into him. "A proper rejection eh, let's hear it."

"I appreciate your truth," No, "I don't…" This isn't-

"Finish it."

"I don't feel the same way."

If there was a way to describe the silence that fell between the two of them at that moment, Rukia would recall it to be as loud as the silence before a final battle. Her final words hung between them heavily, and she felt she could collapse. She knew Ichigo, but she didn't know Ichigo in this way. For the first time in their tumultuous, battle worn relationship, Rukia didn't know the Ichigo that was vulnerable because of love.

"Okay." Ichigo finally said. "Was that so hard?"

Rukia let out a shaky breath, and without a word, began to walk back towards the party.

Ichigo let her leave, he listened to her footsteps disappear, and the tears fell. He didn't know it was possible to be in so much pain and not be dying. He let out a breath as he finished, and regained his composure. The party was over.

"Son," Isshin interrupted Ichigo's thoughts, he found him sitting on a bench, hands clasped in front of him as he stared at the ground.

"Dad," He managed to say.

"It's time to go," Isshin said, gently patting his back.

Ichigo knew somewhere inside that Rukia sent him. He wished she just stopped caring and also hoped that maybe he wouldn't lose her as a friend.

Isshin stayed quiet as he led his son to the gates.

Rukia arrived back at the party seeing less and less people as it had grown quite late. She placed her third glass beside Renji's fifth and the place began to sway.

"It's time to get out of here," Rukia said with a slight slur. She helped Renji keep his balance, glad that her brother had gone home earlier and that the remaining partygoers were maybe just as buzzed as they were.

They managed to leave the festival in remarkable composure. Rukia laughed, drunk enough to share a giggle fit with Renji. They neared her home and hushed each other, as Renji did his best not to rouse suspicion at his captain's residence. Rukia felt the darkness of her house loom behind her, the loneliness threatening to crush her, waiting for her to shut the door.

Renji quieted, looking down at her, standing at her door, as she looked up at him.

"I'll think on it, Renji." She reminded him.

"Mm." Renji grunted, "You think on it," he placed a few fingers under her chin and leaned down.

"What are you doing?" Rukia asked with a smirk.

"Letting you think on it," Renji replied.

Rukia didn't know what to do, in her drunken mind she figured this was better than being alone with the thoughts of that handsome young man who would so willingly give his life for her. They kissed.

Renji was thrilled, surprised that this was happening, he slowly eased their way into the house. He shut the door behind him and locked it for her. She dropped her things wherever there was a surface, and Renji returned to her lips. Rukia returned his sloppy kiss, and led him to her bedroom. He slowly untied her dress, and kissed her neck.

"Shit," Rukia said, as she struggled with his.

He laughed, and quickly disrobed himself. She was beautiful in the light, and God- if this was the only way he could have her (he was afraid the thinking would lead to rejection)- he would have her.

She willingly took his arms around her, now fully nude she sat on his lap. His erection grazing her thigh, she wondered briefly about protection, but passed, as Renji began to stroke himself, distracting her. She kissed him again as she positioned herself on top of him, penis erect to enter her. She descended slowly, letting out little moans as he pushed deeper and deeper. It wasn't long before Renji began thrusting more intensely. Rukia's moans and his intensified together, he kissed her into a stupor. In a few moments she lay on her back, and he continued until he finished. Rukia let out a sigh as he finished, a little glad that it went quickly as she felt the alcohol threatening to escape her throat. Renji collapsed beside her, panting. He kissed her again, and pulled her form close to him.

Better than thinking about that lovely young man who nearly killed all of heaven to rescue her from hell.

The lovely young man settled for silence.

It was enough, he told himself, that rejection was enough.

The first week was terrible, he recalled, and when weeks turned to months it became easier. He didn't like to dwell on it, based on what little chatter he heard from Urahara, Rukia was settling into her duties. Ichigo thought that it was just like her to bury herself in work to avoid literally everything else in her life. So Ichigo did the same, he was nearly finished his first year at university when an unexpected call came through the soul society phone that he had tossed forgotten in a drawer.

After some rummaging, he saw a message from Renji, who requested a meeting at Urahara's. Ichigo thought back on their last interaction, and scrolled through their messages since. Seemed to be a friendly meeting. Ichigo ran a hand through his hair, it had been what – nearly 2 years since they last saw each other? He noted the time and realized it was that afternoon. Last minute, he chuckled, not that Ichigo minded. A Saturday night in the middle of winter break, Ichigo realized he didn't have much planned anyway.

The snow crunched under Ichigo's feet as he made the short walk to the dusty store. He greeted Urahara quickly, noticed that Renji's reiatsu already present in the space. In the time between school and studying, Ichigo had been training with Urahara and Yoruichi, so now he barely used his phone to scan for hollow (or friendly) activity. Urahara regarded Ichigo with a grim nod, and Ichigo let out a brief confused look.

"Hey," Renji stood, giving Ichigo a soft punch on the arm. "Woah, someone's gotten taller."

Ichigo chuckled, as he sat, helping himself to some tea as he removed his coat and scarf. "And I think you're getting smaller."

Renji laughed, "Ah you're still full of shit," he sipped on his tea.

They caught up briefly. Renji talked about how Rukia was enjoying her new position as captain, though Ichigo never asked. In exchange, Ichigo talked about medical school and how training was going well. Renji spoke about his division finally returning to their allotted tasks pre-war, which Ichigo prompted him to elaborate.

At some point, the tea ran dry, the last glass going to Ichigo in drips.

"Well, I guess I should explain what I'm doing here." Renji began.

"An ulterior motive from your tiny brain?" Ichigo joked, sipping his tea.

"I came to ask you to be a witness for my wedding," Renji asked jovially.

Ichigo looked amused, "Who's dumb enough to marry you?"

"Rukia," Renji answered plainly.

Ichigo swallowed the thankfully room temperature tea at once. "Rukia Kuchiki?"

"In all honesty… I don't know how much you guys are talking, but, Rukia's pregnant with my kid."

Ichigo heard white noise all the way home. Pregnant, married? His throat was dry, and he discarded his coat and scarf at the door haphazardly. Yuzu complained out loud as she picked up after him, and Isshin gently broke the news to her. Yuzu looked up sadly at the stairs leading to their rooms and silently picked up his winter gear.

Ichigo didn't realize he was crying, wrapped in his sheets, whatever composure he pieced around him had shattered. He suddenly realized he had said yes to attending the wedding, he didn't even get a chance to wonder if he wanted to see that – to see her walking towards somebody else. He cursed, he thought he was over this shit.

That evening, Ichigo excused himself from dinner early. Robotic, he placed his barely eaten plate by the sink and decided to take a walk. The nausea from the gnaw in his chest wracked his body, he had no appetite, he wondered if he could even sleep. He admitted to himself that he was a mess, and his hollow laughed inside, calling him a disaster instead.

A few minutes of walking in the dry winter air and he heard a familiar voice.

"Kurosaki-kun?" Inoue stood before him, cheeks and nose pink, a friendly smile on her lips.

"Inoue," Ichigo said quietly.

"I'm surprised to run into you out here, did you want to come up? You look cold."

Ichigo regarded her kindly, "If you don't mind." He agreed.