AN: Hello to anyone who's reading! Sorry it took a while. Hopefully it won't take me as long to update again.
I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!
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"She's not hungry," Kathryn said mournfully.
Chakotay was almost certain that he heard a quiver in her voice. The woman that would face the Borg without showing much concern sounded a little defeated over the fact that their newborn wasn't hungry.
Chakotay knew better, though, than to point out that she might be overreacting or that she might simply be dealing with a rush of feelings that weren't hers to control. With less than forty-eight hours between her and the arrival of their daughter into the world, Chakotay was willing to give her copious amounts of grace on managing her feelings and, instead of ridiculing or scolding, he decided to focus on guiding her toward emotions that would be better for all of them.
"She'll be hungry soon," Chakotay said. "Neelix gave her a bottle just before we got in here. So—just before you woke up."
Kathryn was truly and sincerely frowning at the baby who was very nearly asleep in her arms. She was awake from her nap, dressed in a nightgown because there was no need for pomp and circumstance when her only activities were supposed to be nursing and sleeping, and she was sitting on the bed frowning at the baby.
They had only just gotten back to the quarters and their return woke Kathryn.
"Neelix fed her a bottle?" Kathryn asked. "She was in the mess hall?"
"I took her to engineering," Chakotay said. "And then I took her to get a bottle."
"She's been to engineering," Kathryn said.
"To see B'Elanna," Chakotay said. "To—hear about the warp core and everything that goes on down there. Everyone thinks she's beautiful, Kathryn. She's really something of a celebrity around here. It's not going to be hard to find help with her if we need it."
Kathryn continued to frown at the infant who had, more than likely, slipped fully into sleep behind her closed eyelids.
"She is beautiful," Kathryn said. "And everyone thinks so."
It was the most mournful declaration of the beauty of their daughter that Chakotay could even imagine.
Before she said anything else, though, and before Chakotay could come up with anything that might lead them to have a conversation that would turn Kathryn's mood around, Kathryn got up with the baby. She rested her in the bassinet that was on her side of the bed. She'd spent very little time in the thing. She didn't fuss when Kathryn put her down, though, so Chakotay was sure she must be asleep.
Kathryn walked relatively quickly around the bed—and around where Chakotay was sitting, making a wide circle—and made her way to the bathroom. She closed the bathroom door, but he could hear her bumping around in there and doing what needed to be done. She was gone for a while, but finally she came out, walked straight out of the bedroom, and Chakotay followed her.
There were things tucked in a box that would stay there until they managed to get an engineering team with enough time to help them do some work that would provide a door, from their quarters into those next to Kathryn's room, that would serve to expand their space and provide for more room for Kaya. In the future, she would have quarters of her own, but with their intention to grow their family, the door from one room to the next would serve them with future children as well.
Kathryn grumbled about the fact that they hadn't done that, yet, as she burrowed through the boxes.
When she growled out in an exclamation of annoyance, Chakotay decided to step in.
"Can I help you find something, Kathryn?" He asked.
"I can't find anything because nothing is put away," Kathryn pointed out.
"You said her little nursery was fine for now," Chakotay said. "We've put in a personal request to have a door placed, but that's going to be something that happens in clear skies and when we're not planning to stop for a system in a week."
Kathryn glared at him, but he didn't believe her expression for a second. There was much more behind the glare than anger. He simply had to wait for the dam to break since she was determined to hold it back for as long as she could.
"Is there something I can help you find, Kathryn?" Chakotay asked. "Something I can help you look for?"
Kathryn's glare lasted a moment longer.
"I'm looking for—the breast pump," Kathryn said. "Because—she needs to eat every few hours, at least, and I need to feed her every few hours or…or it could disrupt the whole routine, and it could disrupt my milk production, and then I won't even be able to feed her what she needs."
She left the sentence hanging in the air, and Chakotay could feel it wrapping around the both of them. It was almost as heavy as the expression on her face.
"And I might have ruined everything by letting Neelix feed her?" Chakotay asked. Kathryn didn't respond. She sighed.
"That's not what I meant," she said, finally, as she abandoned her search for the breast pump and walked around to the replicator to put in a request for coffee.
Chakotay might have pointed out that caffeine might not be the best idea at the moment, but he decided to pick and choose battles.
"Kathryn, the doctor entered the specifics for your breastmilk into the replicator to produce what Kaya might need in case you needed to supplement. He said he'd update the programmed information as your—as your milk changes over these next few days. You're still waiting for—I don't even know, Kathryn. For everything to really work like it should."
"Which is why I have to be consistent," Kathryn said. "It's why I have to—make sure that my body knows how often I need milk. Not confuse it with some idea that I don't need any because Kaya's getting fed elsewhere."
Chakotay was tired. Very, very suddenly, it struck him that he was exhausted. Almost immediately, his head started to pound. He swallowed back against the frustration growing inside himself. When this was settled, he would take his own nap. He would meditate. But this had to be settled first or he would never truly rest. He knew that he couldn't go to sleep with Kathryn angry at him—even if her anger was possibly fueled by something that even she didn't understand.
Chakotay leaned over and rifled through the box of supplies nearest him. They'd divided things into extra supplies for Kaya and extra supplies for Kathryn. Although the milk was for Kaya, the breast pump would really be for Kathryn, since he was certain that Kaya would prefer her milk straight from the source. It was the same box that Kathryn had burrowed through, but Chakotay immediately put his hands on the pump. He examined it a moment and then carried it to where Kathryn was sitting on the couch, sulking over her coffee. He offered her the pump that would be controlled, like most any device produced by the ship, by the computer.
"Do you need help figuring it out?" Chakotay asked.
Kathryn took it and shook her head. She didn't start using it immediately, and Chakotay sat down on the couch beside her. She rested the pump in her lap. She wasn't as dedicated to the machine as she seemed to have thought she'd be only moments before.
"I'm sorry, Kathryn, if I did anything to—threaten your milk supply or to jeopardize the best chances that you and Kaya have of…of making this work like it's supposed to. My intention was only to let you get some rest. Like I told you before I left—you won't rest if you can even sense her presence."
"She doesn't even need me," Kathryn pointed out.
A small laugh escaped Chakotay before he could swallow it down and Kathryn rolled her eyes in his direction. He reached and took her hand in his, leaving her just the one required to hold the coffee that she wasn't too interested in drinking.
"She's absolutely dependent on you for everything," Chakotay said. "She—can't do anything for herself. Nothing. She's entirely helpless."
"And you can take care of her and her milk can be replicated," Kathryn pointed out.
"If that's the way we're spinning this, Kathryn, then she doesn't need anyone," Chakotay said. "Not specifically, at least. As long as she has someone with the capability to take care of her and work the replicator, it doesn't matter who it is. But—emotionally? She needs her parents. Both of us. For different things. She's already bonded with you, Kathryn. And—I may be able to take care of her, but you've got a connection with her that I'll never have. You can practically feel what she wants and needs."
He saw a flash of something flicker across Kathryn's features. He smiled to himself.
"Your milk is better for her than replicated milk," Chakotay said. "So—it really should be me that's sulking into my coffee and feeling sorry for myself. I really have nothing to offer her."
"You're her Daddy," Kathryn offered.
"And?" Chakotay responded. "She could have another." He smiled and shook his head when Kathryn gave him a look. "You're the one who set the standards here, Kathryn."
"I wish you had woken me to feed her," Kathryn said.
"I will absolutely wake you next time to feed her," Chakotay said. "I didn't mean to upset you. I just thought I'd let you sleep a little longer and Neelix really was beside himself with wanting the opportunity to hold her for a while."
"So Neelix has fed her," Kathryn said.
"He confirms she's even more beautiful now than when he brought you breakfast," Chakotay said. "But we already knew that. He's excited about the party."
"What party?" Kathryn asked.
"Well, I guess we didn't really envision it being a party, but you know Neelix. For everyone to meet the baby. He wants to go all out and have food and refreshments. A meet and greet of sorts for the first-baby. I told him we didn't really have any ideas for it or plans so I was sure that whatever he wanted would be fine. I did tell him that I'd talk to you first, though, before he started planning anything or making announcements."
"What's the point?" Kathryn asked.
"What?" Chakotay asked.
"Of a party," Kathryn said. "What's the point?"
"Letting everyone meet Kaya," Chakotay said with a laugh. "You announced it, to the crew. You told them that we'd be doing something for them to meet her."
"And you took her to meet them," Kathryn said. "So—why have a party now? I wasn't there, but you took her to meet everyone."
"I told you I was taking her," Chakotay said. "So, if it was going to be a problem, why didn't you tell me before I left?"
"I thought you were taking her to our holo-home," Kathryn said.
"If you had expressed that was the only place that I could take her," Chakotay said, "then I would have. I honestly thought B'Elanna might like to see her now that things had calmed down and she'd rested a little."
"I had hoped that both of us would have the chance to introduce her to the crew," Kathryn said.
"And we do," Chakotay said. "Look—she met a few crewmembers who were on duty in engineering. She met one crew member who passed through the mess hall. That's it. Just as many people would have seen her in the corridors if I'd taken her to the holodecks and brought her back here. Kathryn—I didn't take away your opportunity to introduce her to the crew. And now? I'm tired and I honestly wish I hadn't taken her anywhere." He sighed. "She hasn't even been to the bridge yet. If you want to—have your own moment? You could take her down there."
"You need to rest," Kathryn said. "I don't think you've slept since—before I went into labor. Not more than an hour here or there." She took a swallow from the coffee mug she was holding, and then she moved it to the table before she touched Chakotay's face. Her frown wasn't entirely gone, but it was different now. "I'm sorry. I should have—done something to give you a break."
Chakotay laughed to himself.
"You've been busy," he said. "You had to—bring our daughter into the world. And I think you keep forgetting what a big job that was and the fact that—you need to be gentle with yourself."
"It doesn't give me an excuse to be horrible to you," Kathryn said.
"You're hardly being horrible."
"Or to not think of you and just—to think of myself and…you haven't even slept."
Chakotay laughed to himself, again. The current shift in mood he was confident that he could handle. He quickly pulled Kathryn to him and kissed her. She was rigid for the few seconds that the kiss was unexpected, but then she sunk into it and wholeheartedly returned it. Chakotay moved closer to her on the couch and allowed his hands to explore her body, giving her muscles gentle squeezes as he went.
He broke the kiss only when he felt that it might very well get out of hand—and she was in no condition for such a thing to happen, no matter how much it might feel desirable to the both of them in the moment.
"I'm sorry," Kathryn offered again, as soon as she was free from the kiss—her cheeks blushed pink.
"I'm sorry," Chakotay said. "And I won't—introduce Kaya to anyone else without you. We'll talk to Neelix about a gathering. And I won't feed her replicated milk, either, without your permission. Maybe—this one time—it won't really affect anything."
"I'm sure it won't," Kathryn said. "I was just…overreacting."
Chakotay laughed to himself.
"We're not using that word for at least another couple days, OK? Now—Kaya is asleep, and I could use a nap."
"You should take one," Kathryn said.
"I didn't intend to take one alone," Chakotay said.
"I just woke up," Kathryn responded.
"Resting doesn't have to mean sleeping," Chakotay said. He got up and tugged at Kathryn's hand, prompting her to leave everything there and follow him for the time being. "Come on, Kathryn. At least lie with me for a few minutes. Kaya isn't the only one around here who needs you, after all."