AN: Hello everyone!
Here's another chapter for anyone who is still interested. I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!
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Chakotay and Tom practically came into sickbay on the heels of the women—or at least so Chakotay had thought—but by the time they arrived, Kathryn was already sitting on the biobed with Kes and B'Elanna close by as Kaya fussed in her godmother's arms. The doctor approached Kathryn as they stepped into the room and pressed a hypospray to Kathryn's neck.
"What is it?" Kathryn asked after the medicine had already entered her bloodstream.
"A mild sedative," the doctor responded, scanning her with his tricorder.
"It's safe for the baby," Kes offered without Kathryn having to ask what was sure to follow. "It won't affect your breastmilk, Captain."
"But it will calm the panic attack," the doctor said. "It's already lowering your blood pressure and heartrate. Just relax, Captain, and take a few deep breaths."
"It must be something else," Kathryn insisted. "I don't have panic attacks."
"You're going through a great deal at the moment," the doctor said, sounding mostly bored as he tucked away his tricorder. "I can assure you that you're in perfect health—all things considered. It was nothing except a simple panic attack."
"It's nothing to be ashamed of, Captain," Kes intervened, "it's entirely normal to feel some anxiety in a crowd. Even more so with your baby present. Plenty of new mothers would have been bothered with much less."
Chakotay elbowed his way through, given that there was no actual crisis, and caught Kathryn's hand. She frowned at him sincerely, but he wasn't sure if the frown was directed at him or was simply in response to what had happened.
"Are you OK?" He asked, speaking directly to Kathryn and ignoring the potential middle-men around him.
"Fine," Kathryn said with an insincere laugh. It was clear that she was calming—a great deal—whether she wanted to or not. "Except it appears that I can't get through a couple of hours of socializing with the crew without—having a panic attack."
She sounded incredulous. Chakotay thought he understood. Kathryn could face down the Borg and maintain her composure. She wasn't the kind of woman to have panic attacks over a small gathering of people she cared for. Of course, Kes hadn't been wrong. It was a new experience, entirely, to take Kaya out into public.
"What happened?" Chakotay asked, directing his question to B'Elanna even as he reached for his daughter. She shrugged her shoulders.
"Nothing, really," she said. "Ensign Parker reached for Kaya. She grabbed her, really. And the next thing I knew…"
She dropped her words after glancing at Kathryn and Kathryn laughed quietly.
"Go ahead," she said. "You can tell. You aren't—betraying some kind of a confidence."
"Kathryn—the captain—reacted," B'Elanna said. "She called out and pulled Kaya back. Then—she wasn't breathing normally. I rushed her out as quickly as I could. I think I scared Ensign Parker half to death when I shoved her out of the way."
Tom laughed from his place behind the doctor.
"Maybe someone ought to go down to check on Parker," Tom offered. "If the captain panicked, I could very well see B'Elanna panicking. And if B'Elanna panicked, Ensign Parker might be the one who got out of things the worst."
"Oh—Chakotay," Kathryn said, turning her face away for a moment, though he still caught the flush of red as it covered her skin. "Everyone saw it."
Chakotay closed a hand around the upper part of Kathryn's arm and squeezed. In the crook of his other arm, he held his daughter. She'd fussed at B'Elanna, but she was settling down now despite the tears hanging on her lashes.
"I really don't give a damn what everyone or anyone saw," Chakotay said. He sighed. "All I care about his how you feel and how Kaya feels. I think that Kes is probably right. It was too much, and it was too soon. And I should have been there to tell everyone not to make a grab for the baby. This was an entirely hands-off kind of encounter."
"You said we should allow them to hold Kaya," Kathryn said. "To have a more intimate experience."
Chakotay laughed to himself.
"And I'm a father," Chakotay said. "So, I'll be the first to admit that my experience with the whole thing is a little different."
The doctor couldn't have pretended to be ignoring their conversation any more if he'd tried. He scanned Kathryn once more with the tricorder and looked satisfied with the results. He hummed to himself.
"Your readings are returning to normal, Captain," he said. "You should be feeling more like yourself and less panicked."
"At the moment, all I feel is embarrassed," Kathryn said.
"I'll find Ensign Parker myself and we'll handle things," Chakotay said. "But you absolutely shouldn't feel embarrassed. Here—I think you need this." He passed Kaya back to her mother, and Kathryn cradled the baby who seemed interested in trying to squeeze in a nap among all the drama surrounding her.
"Captain—Kaya is only a few days old," Kes said. "Perhaps you simply need to allow yourself a bit more time to settle into things."
"I'm inclined to agree with Kes," Chakotay said. "You haven't really wanted to listen to me before, so maybe you'll listen to yourself."
Kathryn glared at him. Chakotay felt the ice in her expression. He could practically feel the sting from the lasers she was doing her best to shoot him with as she clearly imagined them radiating out from her eyes.
But, suddenly, he was aware that he had a room full of support.
"Commander Chakotay is right," the doctor said. "I've made suggestions about your recovery. However, Captain, you have a reputation for ignoring my recommendations. I have the full ability to invoke my authority as the Chief Medical Officer and to relieve you of duty if that's necessary. One way or another, you need to take some time to rest and settle into motherhood—and that's an order."
Kathryn's hard gaze shifted from Chakotay to the EMH. She looked ready to shut down his program—and she might have if her Chief Engineer hadn't been present and nodding, with her arms crossed tightly across her chest, in agreement with the demands of the hologram.
Kathryn sighed.
"You don't have relieve me of duty," she ceded. She bowed her head enough to kiss the forehead of the baby that had given over entirely to sleep for a moment. Her fit, it seemed, was unrelated to her own needs and directly tied to her mother's suffering. "But we'll be near the system in a day or two."
"And we have more than enough capable crewmembers looking for an opportunity to make first contact and expand their experiences," B'Elanna said, not allowing anyone else time to respond.
"I think—you need to take some time to organize the nursery," Chakotay said. "And we need to see about getting some crew members involved to open the space between quarters to allow you to really settle in with her. Look—take your shifts on the bridge, Kathryn. Command the away team from the bridge. Do any of that you please, but take your time to get to know Kaya and let Kaya ease into things."
Kathryn looked back and forth between them all, and Chakotay got the feeling that even Tom must have stepped up behind him to offer solidarity.
"I want someone experienced in handling first contacts on that away team," Kathryn said. "And I think it might be best to see if Seven of Nine or Neelix has any knowledge of the species before we beam down. It's probably best to keep Seven of Nine away from view for the time being, though."
Chakotay smiled, aware that she was giving in.
"Whatever you say," he agreed. "Captain," he added for good measure.
"If I'm going to have a lot of downtime, I could organize some work that needs to be done on the ship," Kathryn said. "And I could spend some time with Seven of Nine. Maybe we can have some—ex-Borg lessons or whatever. Something to prepare her for interacting with the crew a bit more."
"I can't think of anyone more suited to that job," B'Elanna offered.
"What do you think, Doctor?" Kathryn asked, directing her words at the EMH. "Two weeks of supervising the expansion of my quarters, helping with duty rosters, doing bridge shifts, and giving our resident ex-Borg some lessons in etiquette? Is that enough to keep me from losing my role as captain?"
Chakotay laughed to himself. He caught Kathryn's teasing immediately, and it was clear that others did, too, even if it was a bit lost on the EMH.
"Three weeks—not two weeks—of all those things," the doctor said, "but the hours for all of them dramatically reduced. Otherwise, Captain, I fear that you're at risk of simply performing as you normally do under the guise of doing less."
"Fair enough, Doctor," Kathryn said with a laugh.
"And we'll all see to it that she sticks to the arrangement," Chakotay said. "Tuvok can handle the away team, I think. And we have more than enough senior officers to handle cutting down your bridge hours except in the case of an emergency."
When the doctor released them from sickbay, Chakotay walked with his hand on Kathryn's back and guided her through the corridors. B'Elanna and Tom had quickly excused themselves and they'd made no show of taking their leave of Kathryn and Chakotay.
Chakotay steered them far away from the mess hall, but he was certain that the crowd there had already dissipated and Neelix had probably cleaned things up. He would find Ensign Parker as soon as Kathryn was settled and occupied with something, and he would bring the young ensign to their quarters. The young woman was very reasonable, quite level-headed even if she could be a bit over-anxious at times, and Chakotay didn't doubt that she would readily accept any apology or explanation that Kathryn might wish to give regarding her body's sudden and, probably, shocking reaction to the thought that someone—no matter how well-intentioned—was making a grab for her newborn.
In their quarters, Kathryn went directly to Kaya's crib and placed the sleeping infant there. She stayed by the side of the crib and Chakotay was sure that Kaya wouldn't remain there long. She was, at this point, pretty unaccustomed to sleeping without the comforting embrace of loving arms.
"I'm so embarrassed," Kathryn said.
"For acting like a mother?" Chakotay asked.
"Not all mothers have panic attacks because someone wants to hold the baby," Kathryn said.
"Not all mothers make the kinds of demands of themselves that you do," Chakotay responded. "Kathryn—I'll fight with anyone over the fact that you're the closest thing to perfection that I've ever seen in a human being, but you're still human. You have to be kind to yourself. Kaya is new to the world. Being a mother is new to you, just as being a father is new to me. Grant yourself the same grace that you would grant to anyone on your crew."
He stepped beside her and pulled her into a hug. She came willingly and wrapped her arms around him as she rested her head against him. He laughed to himself.
"What?" She demanded.
"I was just thinking that—at least you'll know what to expect the next four or five times you do this."
"As much trouble as I cause you," Kathryn said, "I'm surprised you would ever want to do this again."
Chakotay laughed to himself.
"Ten times more if it were up to me," he said. "And then some if it made you happy. I'm not half as troubled by what you call trouble, Kathryn, as you might believe."
"I don't even have to ask if you're happy that I won't be going on the away mission," Kathryn said.
"There will be more away missions," Chakotay offered, dodging the question.
"It could be useful to have Seven of Nine a little more prepared to interact with the crew in a way that might have everyone feeling a bit friendlier with her."
"She's Borg," Chakotay said.
"Ex-Borg," Kathryn corrected. "Separated from the Borg collective. And I would expect you to be the kind of person that would want us to remember that."
"My point is that it's going to take time for people to warm up to her," Chakotay said. "Even if you do teach her the proper way to have a conversation with someone. Don't expect miracles, Kathryn. Still—I'm happy for you to have a project that you might enjoy. Just don't let it get you too stressed."
"I won't," Kathryn assured him. She laughed to herself. "You certainly haven't been stressed. You smell like champagne, Chakotay."
He smiled to himself.
"You handle stress your way. I handle it mine," Chakotay said with a laugh. "We're in for the rest of the day. Why don't you go and take a bath? Relax."
"And you?" Kathryn asked.
"I'm going to see about getting a crew together to start tomorrow on some of those renovations we wanted to make," Chakotay said. "And then I'm going to reach out to Ensign Parker and decide when we can talk to her."
"I owe her an apology," Kathryn said. "She's probably horrified. Offended."
"I bet she's a lot less bothered than you think," Chakotay assured her. "And, more than likely, she's more worried about you. Don't worry about it too much, Kathryn."
"When are you asking her to come? I don't want to be out of uniform."
Chakotay sighed.
"You're right," he ceded. "Ensign Parker first. Other plans later. And then I'm going to do a little relaxing of my own."
"Meditation?" Kathryn asked.
Chakotay hummed.
"I'm going to meditate on the backs of my eyelids for a while," he teased. "For at least as long as Kaya will allow it." He kissed Kathryn on the forehead. "Why don't you go to the bathroom? Wash your face. I'll call Ensign Parker."