Chapter 9

Rukia realized that the definition of husband fit Renji well. He was attentive, kind, protective, dedicated and loyal. She watched now as he spoke to Ichika about expectations for the visit with nobility. Ichika hated it, preferring the ease of their home, none of this bowing and being quiet. However, Ichika listened, above all she wanted to make her parents proud, deciding she would much rather receive the treat her father spoke about than misbehave. Rukia was proud of this ability to negotiate alone, allowing her to recognize that Ichika's spunk would bring her daughter farther than she'll ever go herself.

Once they were all dressed, they made the brief walk to the main house. Renji and Rukia mostly spoke with Ichika, as these days their conversations were lacking. When they arrived, they were welcomed warmly by the estate staff and led immediately to the family room. They paid respects to the family shrine, and sat beside each other as the remaining family trickled in.

Byakuya nodded a greeting to the young family, and Ichika tried his best not to beam at the sight of her favorite (only) uncle. They shared a quick greeting with the rest, and began to talk about politics and the state of Seireitei.

Soon, topics quickly devolved into gossiping.

"I'd heard that he was caught with another woman," continued one of the older aunts.

"What a shame, such a terrible look for the family," another added.

Renji glanced at Rukia, who as usual, maintained her grace and appeared uninterested.

"The Shiba household has been talking about that young Kurosaki's marriage falling apart."

Rukia perked up slightly, and cleared her throat. "I'm not sure that it's appropriate to be discussing such delicate matters."

"Oh of course, Rukia, he is your friend," the aunt replied. "It's not unheard of for men to separate from their wives, but he is of great interest considering the power and title-"

"Again, while I appreciate your concern, I'm sure he would not appreciate the gossip."

The family glanced at Byakuya, who stared back coolly, allowing Rukia to deal with the situation herself. Silence descended upon the room.

"Uncle Byakuya, did you want me to show you my new kido?" Ichika asked, unfazed by the awkward quiet.

Byakuya simply nodded, and Ichika excitedly hurried to the front of the room.

Rukia watched, amused by her daughter but thoughts of the situation at hand looming in the back of her mind. The last few months had been exhausting, worse when it permeated her house, her daily interactions with colleagues and now spilling into her family.

She was interrupted by Renji's gentle touch. He looked at her in that reassuring way he had become so good at, and she wished she could believe him. She wished it worked like it used to.

As their guests dwindled to Rukia's family and the head of house, they took a moment to finish the tea. Ichika lightly snoozed in the corner of the room, wrapped in a blanket and curled in a ball surrounded by a few toys. Byakuya didn't mind this, and actually preferred to put it away himself. As he did so, he eyed the young couple seated in silence at his table.

"How are things?" He asked carefully, busying himself with tidying so to not make the question too heavy.

"Good," Rukia said absentmindedly as she played with her cup.

Renji didn't say anything, choosing instead to stare at the table.

"Hm." Byakuya replied. Rukia looked up at him with her well practiced smile. "We know people talk," Byakuya began, "But they don't ever truly know what they're talking about." At this, he joined them at the table.

Rukia was used to the amicable silence shared in her brother in law's presence, but she currently found it unbearable. Renji's energy fluxed into one of gloom, and though Byakuya always remained neutral, she could always guess with high probability what he was thinking. Despite every cell in her body wanting to leave, she sat in the tableau, focused on finishing the tea.

"Renji has been doing well," Byakuya said simply.

Renji looked up in surprise, the praise unexpected and rarely heard.

"I've noticed," Rukia said, looking at Renji with a proud smirk. "Commendations all around, and maybe a vice captain slowly overtaking the captain?"

"A thousand years too early," Byakuya said lightly, sipping his tea, "Though not entirely inaccurate."

Renji scratched the back of his head, letting an amused smile slip through. "The guidance is impeccable."

Rukia chuckled as Byakuya nodded.

Renji watched as Rukia scooped Ichika into her arms, gently explaining that the night was over and that it was time to head home. He watched her leave ahead of him, as Byakuya had summoned him privately.

"Captain," Renji said.

Byakuya took a moment to regard his vice captain, a trustworthy and kind man. "I've heard things."

Renji knew to wait for him to finish, Byakuya didn't speak slow purposefully, and with age the pauses were strategic to gauge reactions.

"I take it that you're not letting things occur without resistance?"

"Hardly."

"Good." Byakuya said. He looked to check that Rukia was out of earshot. "Rukia's happiness is tantamount, but I would be remiss to see you unhappy."

Renji cleared his throat, "Since when did we become such good friends?"

"Do not push it." Byakuya retorted, "Good night. I will see you in the morning."

He arrived home and found Rukia tidying in her sleeping garments.

"Did you get in trouble?" She joked.

"No, not at all." Renji replied as he shut the door behind him. He crossed the living room and ascended the stairs.

Rukia let out a heavy sigh, finding her chest tighter than usual, mind elsewhere as she tidied. News of Ichigo's failing marriage was spreading like wildfire, and while she wished she could do anything to help remedy the situation, it had nothing to do with her. Or everything to do with her, she thought, remembering Uryuu's and Renji's inputs on the situation. That was where the weight hung, Rukia realized, the idea that she tore them apart, worse, the bittersweet idea that the man had been in love with her all this time. If that meant anything to her, if as the two implied she and he were in love the whole time, she should have run into his arms by now. Her mind strayed into ideas of Ichigo's bare arms around her, an image she was familiar with drenched in adrenaline and scenes of battle.

Rukia's thoughts were interrupted when she heard Renji return downstairs, and watched as he crossed the room, shirtless, broad shouldered, tattoos dark, tresses long. Without thinking, she grabbed his hand.

Renji turned in surprise, and walked up to her, "What do you need?" He leaned in, curious about the look she was giving him – a strange far off gaze.

"Nothing," Rukia replied, withdrawing a little, finding the eye contact and closeness a little too intense.

"Rukia," Renji began, and he picked her up with ease, bringing her lips to his.

She took his kiss, curious herself for a different reason. He lowered her onto the couch as he continued down her neck as he usually did. Rukia allowed this, and his large hands to explore her the way they usually did. His hands on her back, pulling her in as he kissed her, his mouth on her breasts as they sucked and his hands pulling off her shorts with ease.

Would Ichigo do it the same way?

The thought turned her on.

She guided Renji's free hand towards her legs and in between them. He slipped his fingers inside her, excited by her sudden fervor, and his head followed. She laid back as he felt his tongue on her clit and her wetness trailing down her skin. She moaned as he quickened his pace slightly. Renji, surprisingly dextrous, had his free hand on his erect penis, stroking in time.

What would Ichigo do next?

Rukia felt herself nearing loss of control, but Renji quickly removed his fingers to remove his own garments to finish the job. Rukia watched as he sat back completely naked, suddenly realizing that this wasn't Ichigo.

It wasn't Ichigo.

Renji easily positioned her for ease of entry, she let him move her as he always did.

Why couldn't she stop thinking about Ichigo?

She moaned as he entered, and she felt dirty, as he began to thrust.

Would he moan?

Renji did, Rukia arched her back as he returned to her breasts.

"Shit," she cursed.

Renji took this to mean that he was doing a good job. He continued his pace, revelling in the girl underneath him, the girl he never thought he'd have again.

"Faster…" Rukia moaned.

Let this finish quickly, she begged internally.

"Hang on," Renji grunted, excited by the challenge.

She clutched onto the couch, he held onto her hips as he thrust deeper and faster. Rukia wondered when she had last laid with her husband, wondering when she had enjoyed it, wondering if she enjoyed it now. She couldn't lie that he always felt so good, that he was attentive as anyone could be, and that he was gentle despite his rough exterior.

Renji, nearing climax, bent over to kiss her quickly. Rukia received it, a habit that meant 'I love you' in a relationship that rarely said it. Renji's rhythm quickened slightly, Rukia moaned in response, and he finished deep inside her.

They shared the bed that night. Renji gave her a gentle smile. She smiled in return, and watched as he fell asleep. She watched the rise and fall of his chest slowing, and his handsome face resting into neutrality. All they'd done lately, other than say nothing, was fight. It had been months since they'd shared a bed let alone anything beyond that.

Why wasn't she rejoicing?

Ichigo woke this morning in his childhood room. He wandered into the familiar kitchen, and Inoue followed smiling a brief greeting. While Ichigo could definitely say he no longer loved Inoue (if he ever did, according to Inoue, is still up for debate), he couldn't deny her attractiveness. This morning, likely due to habit, she wore only her night gown to prep meals for themselves.

Inoue caught his gaze. Her heart dared to quicken with excitement relishing his attention despite the sharp pain in her chest. She neared him and took his hand; she then gently placed it on her waist. Inoue looked up at him, and leaned in closer, poised for a kiss.

Their lips met, but only briefly, for Ichigo quickly turned away.

"I'm sorry," Inoue said in a whisper, hands together on her lips, stepping back.

Ichigo ran a hand through his hair, "No, I'm sorry…"

"We're hopeless, aren't we?" Inoue turned her attention to breakfast; she took a moment to lean on the counter to prevent her chest from crumbling into her.

Ichigo didn't reply, he instead retreated to the table. He was never one for meaningless one-night stands, he realized, though this would have been far from meaningless – it would have been painful for everyone involved. What lust ignited in him had since fizzled, and he took a moment to shame himself.

The gloomy silence was interrupted by the sound of frantic footsteps. Kazui appeared at the doorway, as if making sure Ichigo was still there.

"Morning." Ichigo said, smirking.

"Morning!" Kazui grinned, racing to give his dad a hug.

Ichigo received it happily, and held him tight.

"How much longer are you staying, dad?" Kazui asked, voice muffled in Ichigo's shirt.

"I'm going back to your uncle's this evening, but you know you can always call me to come over or you can visit us."

Kazui looked up at him and began to tear, "Okay. I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too." Ichigo pulled him back in for another hug.

"Time for breakfast," Inoue said, placing the food in front of them both.

Ichigo watched as Kazui took his seat. He hoped he wouldn't ever subject his children to divorce, he glanced at the table where a modest picture of his mother sat beside a small vase of fresh flowers. He watched as Inoue interacted with their son, aware of the pain he was causing, the grief that had to happen again and again for all of them. He swallowed the shame, the accusations of selfishness repeating in his mind.

Kazui soon disappeared to play in his room. Ichigo swallowed the last of his breakfast as Inoue cleared the plates.

"While I have you here, there are a few things we need for the hearing. You've got time, though, it's a few months still."

"Anything you need," Ichigo said, glancing at her back as she did the dishes.

Inoue hoped never to have this conversation of visitation and paperwork for divorce. Marrying Ichigo was a dream she had come close to letting go at one point, after having him, the severance was unbearable. Worse still, she knew that Ichigo would look out for her, regardless of the situation, as he always had done. She wished he was mean, manipulative, and cold for the kindness she loved in him all this time now burned her.

I need you to love me, she thought.

"Thank you." She replied.

Ichigo appreciated the cool evening; the sun set was a beautiful sight and he enjoyed the day he spent with Kazui. For the most part, arrangements had been made for both of them. The remaining decision was for Kazui to decide who to stay with permanently. Though, both parents decided that because of Ichigo's sometimes erratic schedule Inoue would be a steadier and stabler household. Ichigo didn't argue, despite the new sting that made itself known in his chest – he wanted his son around all the time, but he was always realistic, being the kid of a doctor himself. Kazui didn't seem to protest much. These days, he seemed to be adjusting relatively well. And while they agreed that the effects of the separation would not appear until much later, the parents did their best to be loving and attentive throughout the changes.

He decided on spending the rest of the evening training, finding renewed vigour after spending time with his son (and maybe to distract himself from the shame).

"Ah, the Shiba returns!"

"Don't call me that." Ichigo snapped, as he emerged in his shinigami form.

Urahara fanned himself, amused. "What'll it be tonight? Regular training or beat you senseless?"

Ichigo looked at him curiously, "Is that a threat old man?"

"Excellent choice!" Urahara pulled out his sword and lunged at Ichigo, who let out a yelp and retreated into the pit. Yoruichi laughed, and picked up his neglected cloak, fan, and hat. She prepared herself for a good show.

Rukia took a moment to consider what she was about to do.

The nights since they had last been intimate were difficult. Her mind spun endlessly about the situation. Renji was the right person, he had been there all along, he was still there and would have gone through hellfire to make the relationship work again. Renji was her best friend, she ached at the thought of this the most, of hurting someone who she loved so much.

Though maybe, not in the way she could love him. Not in the way he loved her.

She turned over, looking at his sleeping face.

Rukia took a moment to consider what she was about to do.

The days were no easier. Conversations were bland, small, and simple. What camaraderie they had couldn't hold them up, the friendship they had willingly put on the line no longer served as a life line. Not in the way it used to, in that familiar, safe way. In the way he'd approach her and their walls dissolved and they'd chat and joke and jab. Where did that all go? It was suddenly silence. Rukia could fake it until the day she died but she knew Renji deserved better than that. The worst part was that Renji could tell. Renji would look after her from afar, even though they were right beside each other. He would respectfully move out of her way when she was upset, when she was mulling over something he would wait patiently for her to open up. Eventually, he learned how to expedite the process, he knew how to approach her, how to talk to her, how to get her to confess.

But now, for Rukia, it felt irritating. At times he grated on her, they were so alike sometimes, she with her fierce independence and he with his stoic attitude. For all his effort, somewhere inside she refused to burden Renji with her emotions. At times he could be incredibly daft, where she needed him to be emotional. Where it worked was when they worked. That couldn't be it, after all this time, she thought. Friendship can't be all they had, would they even have that left, after what she was going to do?

She snuck out of bed with ease.

Rukia pulled on her uniform, and decided against wearing her badge. She fitted her sword onto her hips just in case. A glance at the clock on the wall read three in the morning. She swiftly and quietly made her way down the hall. Through the door, down the block, towards the gate.

With far more noise than she'd have liked, the gate opened and she began to walk.

What was she doing out so late, how would she explain it?

Never mind that now, Rukia thought. She recognized that if she were to be impulsive, she may as well stick with it.

Rukia landed on the street near Uryuu's condominium. The gate behind her shut swiftly and disappeared into the dark. She looked up at the tower, she considered again what she was about to do.

Not knowing how else to enter the building, she settled on her usual methods.

A few well-timed jumps and she found the floor with Ichigo's reiatsu – awake. Unfortunately for her, she had hoped he would be asleep. She hoped there would be no witnesses.

Witnesses of what, exactly?

Never mind that, Rukia thought. She should just turn around, go home, continue the charade and maybe one day she'd fall in love with Renji again.

She was taken back. When had she stopped? He wasn't difficult to love, with all their years of friendship it should have been a natural transition – she loved him enough to sleep with him, didn't she?

"What are you doing?"

Rukia jumped back in surprise. "Oh god, don't scare me like that."

Ichigo looked up at her from Uryuu's balcony. He had an amused look on, as well as several taped wounds and a bruise.

"What happened to you?"

"Urahara." Ichigo replied. "What happened to you?"

"I couldn't sleep."

"So… you came here?"

Rukia realized she had no explanation. "I thought a walk might clear my head."

"In the living realm?"

Rukia crossed her arms defiantly, "Yes. In fact, the air is fresher here."

Ichigo doubted this. "Alright, well, enjoy your walk." He turned to leave.

"Wait." Rukia called out.

He turned and looked at her expectantly.

"You're not asleep?"

"No, obviously."

"You know what-"

"Do you want to come in?"

"Huh?"

"Come in."

"Is that a command or an invitation?"

"Lord knows, pick the one you like and decide. I'll even leave the door open, even though we both know you can just walk through the damn walls." Ichigo's voice grew smaller as he retreated further into the condo.

"You are insufferable!" Rukia exclaimed, following after him to give him a piece of her mind.

"So are you." Ichigo said, once Rukia landed in front of him. "Can I get you anything? Tea? Water? A chill pill?"

"What's a chill pill?"

Ichigo rolled his eyes in exasperation, "Nothing, never mind." He sat down in front of the television.

Rukia followed, sitting on the opposite end of the couch.

"Renji know you're here?" Ichigo asked, not looking at her, and casually checked his phone.

"No, he doesn't." Rukia replied, feigning interest in the television.

There was a brief silence.

"Rukia-"

"Ichigo-"

"No, you go ahead-"

"No, I'm sorry for interrupting-"

"Really, just-"

"Please, Ichigo-"

"This is ridiculous, I forgot how annoying you can get." Ichigo said.

"You're still incredibly rude, despite claiming to be wiser."

"Some people just rub you the wrong way, you know?"

Rukia looked at him pretending to be offended, and Ichigo smirked. She laughed lightly.

"Some people change you, too." Ichigo added, looking at Rukia.

She cleared her throat. "Why aren't you home?"

"It didn't work out." Ichigo said simply, realizing that if news were to get out, best to manage the wildest card of them all privately.

Rukia did her best to hide her shock, that the faithful, loyal, dedicated Ichigo was ending his marriage. She took a breath to calm her quickening heart at the opportunity (not that she was looking for one), "Ichigo are you serious? Don't you know how much that girl loves you? What about Kazui? What have you done?"

"Nothing, Rukia. She decided this, I agreed with it. Kazui is fine." Ichigo replied, steeling himself for the rest of the lecture.

"Did you even try?"

"For years."

"What?"

Ichigo turned off the television and turned to Rukia. "Why are you here, Rukia? You didn't come here to yell at me about my marriage, to catch up on bullshit that you probably already know about up there."

Rukia wasn't sure where to start with the man's audacity. "You know what, you're right. I should go."

"Good. Go." Ichigo retorted, watching her stand to leave.

"You're still so fucking childish, you know that?"

"And so are you. You have no clue, do you? What you're doing?"

"Excuse me?"

Ichigo laughed, "You really don't. You prance around pretending you know better than everyone else but really, you're the last to find out how you're fucking feeling."

"I don't need this shit from you."

"Oh, you're hearing it elsewhere then? So I was right."

"You're wrong, Ichigo. I know that you're full of shit, you can't even keep your marriage in check. And now it's all fallen apart – who are you to comment on anything?"

"For the record, it was your fault." Ichigo retorted, offended at the remark. He pulled himself closer to her along the couch, and she looked down at him with a glare. "You and your annoying little ass and whatever the hell we could have had."

"My fault? Easy to blame someone else when you've got nothing to run off and save, huh?"

"That was your fault too! You- You-"

"What? What am I? Are you going to call me a bitch?"

"Yes! Because we fight and you run off and you know what- you fight with everyone who ever cares about you and we stand here and wait and you wonder why you're alone-"

"Shut up! I don't need a psychiatric evaluation from someone who can't be honest to themselves!"

At this, Ichigo was livid. He stood and grabbed her wrist, pulling her close to him. "I've been honest, Rukia. That's why I'm not sleeping in my own damn house."

"Let go of me," Rukia hissed, ripping her arm out of his grip. "To think I came here looking for answers-"

"Answers to what?"

"You! You fucking idiot! I can't-" Rukia paused, tensing her jaw, "I've said too much, I'm leaving."

Ichigo intercepted her, blocking her escape route.

"I will literally cut your head off, you insubordinate moron."

"What about me Rukia?" Ichigo asked, "What's your problem with me?"

Rukia looked up at him, seething, chest heaving, eyes wetting. "You piss me off."

Ichigo glared back. "Tell me something I don't know."

Suddenly, she found tears falling. Whether it was the exhaustion that finally came over her, or the anger washing into despair, she couldn't stop herself from crying.

Ichigo blinked in surprise realizing he had never seen her like this, stepped back, giving her some distance. Then he very gently placed his hand on her arm. He risked a bruise on top of his current bruise, he thought, but it was worth the risk. Ichigo slowly stepped closer.

She attempted to resist, gently pushing him away, the back of her other arm covering half her face. He paused at the attempt, and took a moment to watch her. She continued to cry, breaths shallow. He took another step closer.

This time, Rukia put up both arms, pushing with a little more strength. "Don't-"

"I can't leave you like this," he whispered. He gently moved her arms aside, and in her hysterics, Rukia allowed it to happen. He then placed a hand on her cheek, and wiped a tear away.

She turned suddenly, and Ichigo followed her gaze.

There, Renji stood. Face uninterpretable.

"Renji," Rukia took a step towards him, as she wiped her tears dry.

Ichigo stepped back.

Renji stepped forward.

"Home, now."

Rukia glanced briefly at Ichigo.

Ichigo leaned on the back of the couch, arms crossed, scowling.

Renji glared at Ichigo, who stared back, coolly.

Renji turned to leave, and Rukia followed.