A/N: Hello all and welcome to chapter 22! Last off, we got to see the most subtle jailbreak of all time and now, more fuckery/shenanigans. God this is too fun to do sometimes. I seriously am a little surprised by the amount of traffic it has considered this isn't meant to be taken seriously in the slightest.

Paradox Effect

Summary: Dying sucked. Dying and being killed by the same teammate again? That sucked even more. Dying and being thrown back into Blood Gulch as a girl? That REALLY sucked. Now, Leona Church will have to put up with Tucker's perverted looks, Caboose's stupidity, and worst of all, Tex's laughter…

*Chapter 22*

York smacked one soldier in the face with the butt of his shotgun, chuckling as he fell in a heap. The men that the military had stationed here were little better than Marines at the most; compared to a heavily trained operative who spent years fighting both Covenant and Insurrectionists they were little more than cannon fodder.

Sarge was having the time of his life shooting everyone York hadn't already subdued. The red sergeant cackled like a madman with each shot he fired from his weapon, enjoying the carnage they were causing in their jailbreak. "Haha! Take that, you dirty backstabbers! I hope you brought your wallet, because the rent in Hell is paid in advance!"

Okay, maybe York could do without the really terrible one-liners. They were worse than Wyoming's shitty knock-knock jokes and that was saying something. Guy had no sense of humor.

Still it could be worse. He could be like Leona; poor woman was probably going nuts being stuck in a jail cell with Grif and Alpha. He did not envy her.

Simmons meanwhile was trying to hack into the building's security systems while York and Sarge held off the guards and protected Caboose so he couldn't harm anyone. Simmons was nervous and letting out panicked yells every time a stray bullet pinged near him but he was at least getting the job done. "Fuck! Can't you guys take care of them faster!?"

"We are working on it," York shot back with a growl, swapping his shotgun for his battle rifle. He fired three shots into one soldier's chest, aiming for the center of mass. It was better to be sure he hit them rather than trying to be fancy and aim for the head. As a security specialist, close quarters combat was his preferred method of fighting. Long range combat was more suited for Wash, Wyoming, North, or Massa. Still that didn't mean he couldn't hold his own in a ranged firefight.

Sarge continued blasting away with his shotgun, seemingly not bothered by the fact that their enemy was no longer trying to rush them. Instead, the remaining soldiers were trying to take cover in the ice covered rocks that dotted the snowy fields surrounding the base occasionally poking their heads out to return fire. A single shot from a magnum hit York in the shoulder and he grimaced as the healing unit installed in his suit took care of it via biofoam. The crap stung something fierce but it would hold him together for the time being.

"Door is open!" Simmons yelled.

"Good!" York shot a soldier in the face, an instant kill. "Everyone inside! Move it!"

Sarge shoved Caboose in first, the blue soldier falling onto his face. "Get moving you big blue baby!"

"Go! I'll cover you." York pushed Simmons in next, laying down some suppressing fire before heading in himself. The doors slid shut and York let out a sigh of relief. "That went a hell of a lot better than I thought it would. Good work."

"Um, where is everyone else, though?" Simmons asked, picking up his pistol. "It's like they're all…gone."

"Not quite." The tan Freelancer spotted an unmoving body slumped against the wall and he frowned. The corpse had a single magnum shot through the head as if he had been executed and his dog tags had been stolen from him. 'This is Wyoming's work. He always had a thing for taking tags as a way to show off the kills he had gotten. He's here.'

"Be on your guard. We're not alone here," he warned. "Tread lightly. I do not feel like explaining to Tex and Leona why one or all of you are either dead or seriously injured." 'Hell, both of them would probably find some way to try and kick my ass. Why do I always seem to attract women with short tempers? Sarge was right; I really do have a fetish for this shit.'

"Agent York, may I remind you that we have an important objective to accomplish." And there was the usual remark from Delta. Goddammit. He really hated having an AI sometimes. Having another entity in his head was something he doubted he would ever get used to. He could sort of understand why Washington went insane after he got Epsilon. Good thing Massa was there to help him out.

York swapped back for his shotgun, putting a few shells into the weapon. "Delta, see if you can find their location. We need to get them the hell out of here before we walk into an ambush." The last thing he wanted to do was run into Wyoming here. True he could best him if it came to a fight, but he was also escorting three simulation troopers at the moment. It wouldn't be easy.

Then again, he did sign up for a program that didn't know the definition of the word easy. No holiday, no overtime. Fuck, this job sucked sometimes.

"Targets located. Both simulation troopers are alive and their signs are green. No harm has come to them," Delta reported. "Marking their location on your HUD."

"Copy that." York brought up the map of the facility onto his HUD and he locked onto their location. "They're in Cell Block Alpha. Let's move." 'And no sign of Wyoming, either. Where the hell is he? I thought he would have wanted to go after Alpha.'

The fact that Wyoming hadn't taken Alpha from Leona was a little worrying. If any of the rogue Freelancers got their hands on it, they would be damn near unstoppable. He did not want to think about what could happen if they did.

York found the cell block and was surprised to see Leona and Grif standing outside it already. "What the hell? I thought you were imprisoned!"

"Wait you're not the ones who broke us out? What the fuck is going on?" Leona asked. "I thought that was your work!"

"Nope. We were the causes of the panicked screams though." Sarge laughed. "Oh, and I have something to do." He walked over to Grif and punched him in the stomach.

"Ow! Why…?" Grif groaned, clutching his stomach as he fell on the floor.

York sighed and rolled his eyes, yanking him up to his feet. "Get up. Sarge, stop hitting your soldiers before I park my foot in your ass." He'd do it too. Again.

"Yeah this is all great and all, but can I get a fucking weapon?" Leona asked. "Assholes kind of took my fucking rifle when they captured us."

York tossed her a fallen pistol he plucked from a dead soldier. "Here. It's not your SRS99 rifle, but it'll work for now. 2x scope and can drop anything short of a split jaw general with three shots to the head. Have fun."

Leona caught it and observed the handgun. "Hmm. Not bad. It'll do for now. Though I am so fucking kicking their asses for taking my goddamned rifle."

York had to chuckle at least a little bit. It was nice to see she had the same kind of fire in her as Tex did. "Is Alpha with you?"

"Yes I am here." Alpha's hologram flashed up on her shoulder. "Asshole. The fuck took you so goddamned long? It was hell for me! I had to listen to her constantly bitching and moaning like someone on their period and this fat asshole was looking for somewhere to sleep."

Leona fired a shot at the AI and he gave her the middle finger. "Hologram, bitch."

"Let's just go…" York sighed. "Tex is waiting for us back at Blood Gulch."

"Good. I need a good nap to end this shitty day." Leona yawned.

…

"You mean have sex with her," York deadpanned.

"Can neither confirm nor deny those claims," Leona returned smugly.

Goddammit.

A/N: Yep, I couldn't resist it. I have had way too much fun with this story. Can we call this one a success? I mean…it's actually got over 50 reviews and 100 followers. That counts as one in my book. XD

See you!

A Lovestruck A2#5371