A/N: Hello all and welcome back to another chapter of Paradox Effect. It has been awhile since I last updated and for that I do apologize. Had to get a whole new laptop and all that jazz, which meant I lost a good portion of my saved work including this. Fuck me.

Paradox Effect

Summary: Dying sucked. Dying and being killed by the same teammate again? That sucked even more. Dying and being thrown back into Blood Gulch as a girl? That REALLY sucked. Now, Leona Church will have to deal with Tucker's perverted looks, Caboose's stupidity, and worst of all, Tex's laughter…

*Chapter 26*

During her daily patrol, Leona remembered the one thing she hated about Blood Gulch even more than dealing with Tucker's perverted bullshit. The fucking Reds.

She was scouting along the cliffs with her trusty SRS99 rifle in hand, of course bringing Church along with her so she wouldn't die from sheer boredom, and she looked through the scope when she saw them going in guns blazing towards their side of the canyon. "Oh for fuck's sake. What is it now?" 'I swear, is it really so hard to ask for them to not attack us every five minutes? This is what, the eighth time this week? This shit is really starting to get old.'

"You're telling me." Church huffed in annoyance, glaring daggers at the Reds as they once again tried to assault their base with a Warthog, their terrible Mexican music blasting from the stereo. "They don't seem to understand the fact that there are two highly trained operatives on our side. One of whom has an AI."

'Fuck me, the good old days of when we'd get piss drunk with Tucker and just yell insults at them seem so far away now. I can't believe I actually miss it.' Leona let out a sigh of despair when the Reds were driven off once again by their tank (currently being operated by she assumed York). "It was funny the first few times. Now it's just pissing me off. How long do you think it'll be before York snaps and kills all of them?"

"I give it three more tries," Church replied.

"Eh, I'll take those odds." Leona shrugged and fired a shot from her rifle, hitting the rear tire of the Reds' Warthog. It spun out of control and slammed into their base, throwing all of its occupants out into the dirt. She chuckled at the screams of pain as they crashed, grinning at Church's hologram. "That ought to keep them occupied for the rest of the week. Unless they have a master mechanic on their team, which I seriously doubt." 'Finally, get to go home early for once. This shit is tiring.'

"It's the Reds. If there's one thing they're extraordinarily good at, it's having the shittiest timing ever," Church deadpanned. "Remember Sidewinder before Tex came?"

'Oh yeah. Poor Red Team. Wonder what happened to them after Tex came in and wiped out the Blues?' Leona let out a laugh. "Remember the good times of us convincing Private Jimmy that the snow tasted like vanilla ice cream?"

"Ha! I remember that! Poor bastard didn't trust us for the next month. Even the captain thought it was funny." Church laughed with her and she wouldn't deny that it was refreshing to reminiscence about the good old days instead of constantly talking shit to each other. While the banter they had was much better than her swearing at Tucker for trying to look at her ass, this was calm and peaceful.

"Fucking hell," Leona sighed. "I really can't believe I actually miss that. I'm getting depressed just thinking about how dull every day is in this fucking canyon."

"You, depressed? How the fuck is that different from any other day?" Church deadpanned. Leona rolled her eyes and she resisted the temptation to try and shoot him. She wouldn't exactly get any satisfaction from shooting a hologram. Or ghost. Or whatever the fuck he liked to refer to himself as. She didn't know but she also found herself really not caring.

"Whatever," she muttered. She looked through the scope at the Reds as they tried to desperately fix their Warthog for another assault, her finger creeping ever so slightly into the trigger guard. "You know, it would be fun to take out the orange one. Grif, right? Or is he yellow? The fuck color is that anyway?"

"Dude, I have no idea. I've been trying to figure out that shit since I first met him," Church answered with a yawn of boredom. "So, think you can make the shot?"

"Probably. My aim's improved since I fixed the fucking sights on this thing. Oh and Tex has been helping me with that by providing some good target practice." Leona smirked. "Now Tucker can't say my aim is shit." She still never forgave Tucker for one of his jokes regarding her ability to shoot the sniper rifle.

"I mean, he could, but you'd just shoot him in the ass again."

'Hey, he shouldn't be trying to peep on me and Tex having sex.'

"I mean, I do it all the time but you aren't trying to kill me," Church pointed out.

"That's because you don't give a shit and you usually just fuck off somewhere," Leona countered. "You're not actively trying to hide in the closet like that one creepy fucker at a college party. You're just along for the ride because you're in my head and get ultra pissed if I yank you."

"…okay I can kind of see your point," Church admitted. "So, are you going to shoot or just sit up here talking shit with me?"

Leona shook her head and lowered her rifle. "Nah, I don't think I'll even bother. As tempting as it is, I think it is more punishment for them to live with the inevitable beatdown they're going to suffer courtesy of York. I can live with that."

"Nice to see you're just as big of an asshole as me." Church snorted.

'Hey, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.' Leona put her rifle over her shoulder and started to walk down the cliffside trail back to base. Armored or not it was still hot as fuck out and she didn't want to stay in it any longer than she had to. Not when she had a fully air conditioned base waiting for her. And ultra comfortable bed to sleep in. Even though it said it was three in the morning on her heads up display the sun shone as brightly as ever. "You know, I'll never understand why daylight savings time here is only three fucking minutes. Am I seriously the only one bothered by that?"

"Nope. It bugs the fuck out of me too. You have no idea how hard it was to remind Tucker that it was actually three minutes ahead instead of an hour," Church muttered with a sigh. "Took me a fuckin' month."

'You're bullshitting me, right?'

"No. You should know that. Don't you remember any of it?"

'…not really. I remember a whole bunch of other shit though.' Leona winced as her head suddenly throbbed. 'Ow. Maybe I've been out in the sun for too damn long. Good thing I'm heading back. I could use a glass of water right about now. Fucking head is killing me.'

"When was the last time you actually slept properly?" Church asked.

'No clue. I kind of lost track to be honest. What, is two and a half hours a day not good or something? I feel like I've been doing it for years.' The blue haired woman didn't seem all that bothered by it. As a long time insomniac getting little to no sleep except for a nice hour power nap was the usual. She hadn't been able to sleep for as long as she could remember.

"Dude, those aren't your memories. They're mine, remember?" Church reminded. "How do you remember all of this shit anyway?"

'No clue.' She shrugged. 'It feels weird as hell though. Why can I remember shit that you've done? I'm pretty sure I didn't go get piss drunk at Club Errera ten years ago.'

"Do I look like a fucking psychiatrist?" Church asked dryly. "I don't know, go ask Tex or York about it. I sure as fuck don't know why."

'Real fucking helpful. Jackass.' Leona rolled her eyes. 'And no offense, but until I figure out what's wrong with Tex, I'd really prefer to not ask her why I'm remembering this shit.' When she talked to Tex earlier, her girlfriend denied anything being wrong. However, she could tell when the blonde was bullshitting. Tex knew she had some kind of issue; she just didn't want to talk about it. Not yet at least. The other possibility was that she didn't want to be fussed over. 'Damn you and that stubborn pride of yours. One day you're gonna be too stubborn for your own good.'

Fucking hell, she needed that air conditioning before her headache got any worse.

A/N: Yeah, am I the only one who thinks that Tex has severe mental trauma? I mean figure all the shit she's been through and seen. Friends dying, being experimented on, entire life being a lie…shit would fuckin' ruin me.

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