A/N: Back again. I think I know where I'll end this, though I have a few other things to get to. Like Tucker's bullshit quest.

Paradox Effect

Summary: Dying sucked. Dying and being killed by the same teammate again? That sucked even more. Dying and being sent back to Blood Gulch as a girl? That REALLY sucked. Now, Leona Church will have to put up with Tucker's perverted looks, Caboose's stupidity, and worst of all, Tex's laughter…

*Chapter 44*

Leaving Tucker to his fate, Leona went back outside to see how York and Tex's torturing, sorry, interrogation of Doc was going. Judging by the lack of pained screams, she could only assume that they either got the answer out of him or killed him. She was fine with either. No, she was not still salty about being cockblocked, despite what Church insisted. He and his false assumptions could fuck off.

"I'm just saying. You're overly twitchy and not in a good way. You need to get laid," Church offered helpfully.

If she could wring his neck, she would. And then send him skimming across the ocean, along with Doc and the Reds.

"The fuck do you think I've been trying to do!?" She snarled in annoyance.

"Kill Doc," Church deadpanned.

"Apart from that, you fucking jackass."

"Making sure Tucker is in permanent pain."

"I..."

"Even left him with Caboose."

"He's an asshole! You have any idea how many times I've had to tell him to quit staring at my ass or tits?"

"Just left him lying there. While getting the shit kicked out of him by an alien."

Okay, he had a point. She was brutally bitchy lately, even more than usual. Tucker's perverted attitude aside, he didn't really deserve to get the shit beat out of him by an alien. That was her job, thank you very much, and she sighed. "I'll grab either York or Tex to help out with that. Once I'm done launching Doc into the sea. Or the nearest volcano." Sorry, but the purple medic tried to kill her, her team, and her girlfriend. She was just returning the favor, that's all.

Church let out a sigh. "And I thought Tex was the one with anger issues. You're just as bad."

"Thanks for the compliment." She rolled her eyes. "Tucker will live."

Probably.

Leona ignored Church's irritated grumble and strode down the beach, where Doc was...not being tortured. Far from it, in fact. The medic was rocking back and forth, whimpering and tightly clutching a thin blanket around his body. She didn't see the point, as they were all in freaking power armor that adjusted to their body temperatures to prevent them from freezing or boiling to death, but it still told of something terribly wrong. The fact that Tex of all people was consoling the poor bastard only made the sight stranger.

Leona blinked twice and looked up at the sky for answers. She found none and instead walked over to York, who looked like he was told to go blow up a maternity home. "Alright, I'll bite. What the hell happened and why does Doc look like he needs therapy for the next thirty years?"

"He..." York dragged both hands down the sides of his face and reached for a flask full of liquor. He raised it to his lips, took a healthy chug, and sighed. "He got infected by Omega. Tex's AI."

...

"Come again?"

"Tex's AI jumped into Doc," York repeated. "During the program, we discovered it had the capability to jump from person to person, but Omega always worked best with Tex. The Director performed an experiment by implanting Omega into another agent, but it jumped back to Tex as soon as she flicked on her comms. If it sensed any sort of danger, it would immediately jump to a new host via comm channels. You tried to kill it before, didn't you?"

"Yeah, with an EMP."

"Were you talking with anyone else or was someone making a call in the canyon?"

"Fuck if I know! I just told Doc to kill it. I don't babysit the Reds on top of my own damn team. I'm nowhere near paid enough."

"First time?" York asked sarcastically.

"Oh fuck off." Leona rolled her eyes. "So you're telling me that our resident pacifist currently crying his eyes out was infected by Tex's AI and made him hyper-aggressive. Where's Omega now? I want to chuck it into an erupting volcano."

"He's gone. The moment he sensed Doc was compromised, he fled to another host. Tex hasn't reported any migraines, and Delta would tell it to piss off if it even thought about trying to jump to me. Two AIs in one head don't end well. We all saw that experiment. And...where's Tucker?"

"Oh shit. That's what I meant to grab you for."

THUNK!

"Ow."

THWACK!

"Ow..."

THWACK!

"Would you fucking stop already!?"

York sighed, looked over at Tex consoling Doc, and decided that dealing with an alien beating the shit out of Tucker would be the easier of the two tasks. "I'm on my way..." Dammit. Why the hell could nothing be easy for once? This had to be karma for something he did in a past life. Did he fuck someone's sister or wife? Probably. That or killed someone important.

Leona fell in next to him, also not wanting anything to do with the current mess, and York had to ask the obvious. "Why is an alien beating Tucker within inches of his life again?"

"I don't know. He ignited his sword to cut some crayons to keep Caboose's gun from jamming and it just leapt at him the minute it saw the sword. Communication is a work in progress, but either it really hates him or really hates that sword." Okay, there was a lot wrong with that explanation, but York decided to focus on the important bit first. He could worry about why they loaded Caboose's gun with crayons later.

"You managed to talk to it?" he asked.

"No, Tucker just tried to make it give him money," Leona said dryly. "As made evident by our current situation, it didn't work."

Ambitious but rubbish. Typical Blue Team.

York's forehead met the palm of his hand and he briefly wondered if Leona would be bothered too much if he sent Tucker hurling across the ocean. Despite her insistence that he was an asshole who'd deserve it, Leona had a weird sort of connection with her team. It was brutal, but there was a grudging respect buried down. She refused to let anyone kill her team, going so far as to even tolerate a co-operation with the Reds to stage a manhunt for someone taking a shot at her teammate and her girlfriend. That someone was currently sobbing uncontrollably and being consoled by fucking Tex of all people, but details weren't important.

When the hell did this become his normal?

His list of reliable friends was painful to count. Tex, Tucker, Leona, and fucking Wyoming. Anyone with any common sense would think he should be the last person to come help sort out a problem, but common sense died a terrible, agonizing death a long time ago. York mourned it and the lack of coffee. Alcohol was good and all, but coffee provided caffeine and relieved headaches. Booze just made it worse.

Inside the facility, York could see the alien was still punching Tucker in one second intervals, and the aqua-armored soldier didn't even seem to be in pain anymore. He let out a bored, "Ow," every time he was struck and the Freelancer strode forward to break it up. He put one hand on the alien's shoulder, and with a mighty grunt hurled it across the room and through the cardboard sheet they had put up to try and teach it English.

It fell with a warble and Tucker lifted his head from the dirt. "Is it over?"

"Yes." York knelt to help him back up to his feet, and Tucker let out a pained groan.

"Ugh... I wanna die.."

"You don't die until I say so," Leona said. "Until then, you live."

"Bitch..."

"Asshole."

The alien honked in anger and went forward to beat Tucker's ass again, only to suddenly have Leona standing behind it with a hand firmly clasped on its shoulder. York was sure that she gave off that smile as to not appear threatening, but it failed spectacularly and she wore a plastic smile that begged for the alien to try it again. York had seen that face all too many times. The grin of a predator trying to not be threatening. It would be like Tex wearing a frilly apron with pink flower patterns. It just didn't work.

The alien clearly thought the same way, for it backed off and started eying the exits in case Leona went for a gun instead of a pat on the shoulder next time.

"York." Leona smiled innocently like she wasn't just a simple mistake away from having an alien's head as a hood ornament. "Can you perhaps build a device that can help us understand what this hinge-head is saying?"

The alien bristled at the name and hissed in displeasure.

"It's a Sangheili. And why would you know one of their insults?"

"I don't know, it was the first fucking thing to come to mind. Just answer the damn question."

"If I had a robot building kit, then maybe... but all I know how to build are bombs."

Leona stared at him as if he grew a second head.

"Are you seriously suggesting that we attempt to communicate with an alien species via a bomb? Have you lost your mind?" When no one answered her, she looked at Tucker, who was shuffling awkwardly. "What? Don't tell me you think it's a good idea too."

"I mean... no offense, but your ideas have a really bad habit of not working," Tucker mumbled. How could that be offensive when it was true? "What's the worst that could happen with York's?"

Leona's eye twitched.

"You know what, fuck it. Go nuts. Let me know when you're done building it. I want to be able to say, 'I told you so' when the bomb kills us all." She stalked away to go after Tex and hopefully get some time for themselves. Preferably far away from here. York did not want to be able to hear them going at it.

With her gone, York cracked his knuckles and began his search for a kit.

How hard could it be?

As he would soon find out, very hard.

Very hard indeed.

A/N: That's all for now. I have something new in mind, but I'm not sure if it'll be released just yet. Still a few works that need to be finished.

-Kagerou#9718