Chapter 51

"I've always wanted to know what happened to my parents, I don't remember anything other than my adoptive parents…I don't even remember what orphanage I went to…They told me my parents died, but I want to know for sure…"

May 27th

I open my eyes to the soft rays of sunlight coming through the crack of the curtains. I blink a few times and look over at the little black alarm clock, it's little red lights reading 8am.

It's late! I gotta get up!

I roll over quickly remembering Ryuzaki had fallen asleep with me last night. "Ryuzaki it's time to-Oh…" Where he once was is now empty and cold.

Why did I expect anything else?

I sigh and toll back over feeling a hint of loneliness. My phone catches my attention next to the alarm clock so I pick it up to check it for messages. I put my hair behind my ear as the screen lights up, but nothing is waiting for me so I set it back down and swing my feet off the bed and set them on the soft white carpet below. Another sigh escapes me and I push off the bed and make my way to the bathroom.

As I walk in I absently flip on the light before looking at my reflection. After all the late nights my eyes are almost as dark as Ryuzaki's. My heart skips as he passes through my mind and I turn the faucet on to splash some water on my face. I don't need a shower after last night's endeavors, but I do need to wake up. A warm feeling courses through me as I remember his lips on my skin, but I quickly push it away. I pick up my brush and run it through my hair releasing yet another sigh.

It's just another day…

. . .

I pull my door shut behind me as I come out into the hall dressed in a pair of dark blue skinny jeans, my spybelt, a black cami, and a black button up shirt. After waking up alone I'm not really feeling my normal red.

"Oh, Suzuki, you're awake." My heart skips in recognition of the voice and I turn around and smile as I see Matsuda coming up the hall.

"Good morning Matusda, what's up?" I turn and lean against the wall and wait for him.

"Nothing yet, everyone's just getting ready for Light later, putting packets together or something. They asked me to go get coffee, but I know I'm really being gotten rid of." He sounds hurt but his face doesn't change.

"Oh, I'm sure it's not like that."

"If they'd give me a chance I'd show them how valuable I can be." He sighs lightly.

I know how that feels.

"Well, why don't I go with you? You seem like you could use the company…" He puts his hands up rejecting the idea.

"No no no, it's okay. You're needed here, you're smart they could use you." I smile and sigh. Then why didn't they wake me up? I place a hand on his shoulder and look him in the eyes. "Matsuda if they needed me they would have woken me up. As it stands we're only collecting data, waiting for the Kira's to make another move. They don't need me right now…" Something changes in his eyes and he nods.

"Okay Suzuki, let's go. Let's just let Watari know you're going with me just in case." I nod and look back toward the living room for a second, before following him to the front door.

Watari steps out into the hall toweling his hands as we approach the kitchen, he smiles and greets us. "Good morning Miss Matsui, Mr. Matsuda, where are we off too?" He follows us to the front door and I smile as I bend down to pick up my boot.

"Ryuzaki wanted me to go get everyone coffee from the coffee shop down the street." Matsuda takes a piece of paper out of his coat pocket and waves it slightly before returning it to whence it came. "I ran into Suzuki outside her door and she offered to come with me." Watari nods and smiles as I pull my other boot on.

"Alright I'll let Ryuzaki know, you two have a good time." I eye the old man carefully as I grab my coat and swing it around to put my arms through in one swift motion. It's May, but it's still nippy out there. Watari waves goodbye as Matsuda holds the door open and we slop out into the hall.

. . .

We push through the revolving doors and come out into the morning hustle and bustle of Tokyo. The chilly morning air nips at me and I put my hands in my pockets to protect them. Not seeming effects by me cold Matsuda leads the way down the street to the coffee shop, but as we edge farther away from the hotel I find myself looking back up at the windows, hoping maybe to see Ryuzaki.

"Suzuki over here!" I turn back to Matsuda and come out of the clouds as he waves at me from a door he's holding open. I quicken my pace and catch up, seconds later we slip inside the small coffee shop.

Warmth and the smell of coffee mixed with baked goods envelop us as we take out place in line. I look up and recognize the name of the shop.

MoonGil…hmm they're everywhere, aren't they?

I sigh feeling down still, but not really sure why as our line moves forward slowly. I pull out my phone to check the time and for messages again.

9am…and of course, no messages…

"Suzuki?" I look up to see Matsuda looking at me concerned. "I been calling you…I was gonna ask you what you want…You okay? You don't seem with it…"

Well I kinda just did wake up like an hour ago…

I shake my head "Y'know what Matsuda, since I'm not really a fan of coffee I'll just try whatever and go find us a spot to sit." I tap his shoulder and walk away, not giving him a chance to object.

I head toward a booth by the window and sit facing the door, that sinking feeling still lurking within. I look out the window and as I wait, I watch the people walk by.

I don't even like coffee so why am I here? Did I really want to avoid Ryuzaki this bad? It's not like he really did anything wrong, we had a good time last night and we seemed closer, but…despite all that…I feel lonely…could this be because I woke up alone?

A shadow casts over the table and I look up to see Matsuda holding a normal coffee cup ad a clear cup with pink liquid, ice, and strawberries in it. He hands me the pink one and takes a seat across from me, I hold the cup out as if it's the source of the plague and has offended me.

"What's this monstrosity?" He laughs lightly and sips his coffee.

"You said you'd try whatever, so I asked the barista what someone who doesn't like coffee, but drinks a lot of soda would like and they gave me this." I turn the cup and inspect it, the ice clacking as the liquid shifts.

"Ahuh…and besides strawberries what else is in here?" He smiles and shakes his head as he leans back, crossing his leg over his knee.

"They said something like strawberries, acai, and caffeine. When they mentioned caffeine, I figured it would be a perfect replacement for your soda. Just try it, maybe you'll like it, if not we lost four bucks." He shrugs and sips his coffee again before setting it back on the table. I sigh and attempt to smell it through my straw.

Sure, smells like strawberries…

I take my straw and stir the concoction a few times, Matsuda watches patiently and after a minute I bend over and take a sip of the strawberry, pink, monstrosity.

Hmm strawberries and water like I expected, not bad, not bad…ugh! What is that aftertaste?! This tastes like strawberry butt water! I mean I guess it's the acai berries and that does make sense and kinda makes me wanna throw it in the trash, but the strawberry taste makes me wanna come back to it, it's kinda good, and surprisingly sweet.

"So…?" Matsuda switches legs and practically stares me down. I stir it again and go to take another sip.

Yeah there's the strawberries and…wait, the aftertaste is gone…without that the drink is pretty good.

I sip it again causing Matsuda to smile and then I set it on the table. "Honestly, not awful. I mean the first sip has a bad aftertaste that tastes like shit, which makes sense, but after a sip or two it goes away."

His smile widens. "That's great!" I nod and pick mine up to sip, but stop halfway as his face shifts.

"Matsuda, what's wrong…" His smile turns to confusion.

"What I'm fine."

"No, you're not. You're hiding something behind that smile." His hand is on the table so I gently reach over and put mine on top of it. "You can't hide from me, I know all too well what it's like…so…spill it I guess." I take my hand away and his mask disappears along with it. He moves his hands to encircle his cup and stares down at it briefly.

"There's, uh, just a lot on my mind and to be honest I don't really know how to talk to woman-I means I can talk to you cause we're coworkers and I think of you as my sister and uh-" He pauses and scratches the back of his head embarrassed.

"Just relax, you can talk to me." He lets his arm fall and seems to relax.

"I guess I don't feel helpful to the team…yeah I go out and get coffee and do whatever Ryuzaki says, but you'd all be fine without me. I mean look at Aizawa and Mogi! Ryuzaki never asks them to get coffee, or the Chief. An you and Light are practically on the same level as Ryuzaki…I could never hope to be that smart…it's like compared to all of you I'm just the gofer…"

Part of me knew this was coming…but it still hurts to hear him say it…to know that a friend is hurting like this.

"That's not true at all!" Everyone around us turn to look at our table and I mentally scold myself for being so loud. "That's not true Matsuda…yeah you may not always see the patterns we do or be able to make sense of the Data 100% of the time, but because you get those things for us we're able to continue on our roll and find the missing pieces. When it's just Ryuzaki and I it's almost impossible to work because I'm constantly getting up to get him things and by the time I get back to work I've lost my place. Do you get what I'm saying? How important you are to the team?" He stares at me with shocked eyes and I reach down to drink my forgotten drink.

"Oh, I never thought about it that way before…I guess you could say I'm like the charger for your battery. I may not be the electricity that powers it, but I'm the way the electricity travels."

That's an odd way to put it but whatever floats your boat.

"Exactly! His bright smile returns like a contagion and I can't help but smile too.

"Wow, thanks Suzuki, I feel a lot better." He drinks his coffee looking revived and I stir my drink watching the strawberries spin round. "So…what about you? Something's been bothering you since this morning hasn't it?" He looks concerned again and I stop stirring my drink to look out the window.

Actually, it's been bothering me from the minute I woke up…but is it really okay to talk about it with Matsuda? I mean everyone knows Ryuzaki and I are together…and Matsuda is the one who I'm the closest too other than him…A sigh escapes me as I slump in my chair. Fuck it…

"I guess I haven't been hiding it as well as I thought I was, huh?" Matsuda smiles and shakes his head 'no'. "It's just Ryuzaki…to be honest…sometimes I feel like our relationship is just for show or maybe he's using me as a way to let off steam, but then my rational mind kicks in and makes me remember that he's awkward and inexperienced so there's no way that that's true." I paused and he raises on eyebrow. To him it probably sounds like we banged…I lean forward and drop my head in my hands letting out a hearty sigh. "I know it's all kinds of inappropriate, but I've really grown to like him Matsuda…but this case is bigger than us…I don't know if I can balance it out…or f I should just let him go…" My heart aches fiercely at the thought of leaving him and I spin my straw absently, my pink drink half gone.

"Do you love him, Suzuki?"

Yes

"Maybe…I don't know…" He laughs lightly.

"Here's what I think, you love each other, but he's awkward and has probably never had a relationship before. Things are scary and new, but they're also exciting…and yeah we're all busy with work, but I think he just needs some time to figure you out…um…he likes puzzles so you're like a thousand piece puzzle without the picture. It'll take time but eventually he'll get it. For all you know he loves you to death and just hasn't figured out how to show it." I sigh and nod.

He's probably right and I'm jumping ahead…

"I woke up and my bed was empty-" The words come out before I can think.

"You two did the-" I stand up and put my hands over his mouth.

"Of course not! We were both super stressed so we just shared the bed…but I…I wanted to wake up next to him…not to a cold bed…" I take my hands away and sit back down.

"Maybe he woke up early or thought of an important case clue…Ryuzaki can be a bit, how do I put this, well quite frankly sometimes he can be a bit of a dick, but he really likes you and I can't imagine him doing anything to hurt you on purpose."

So it's just a misunderstanding…I guess I never told him I wanted to wake up next to him.

"Yeah…I'm just overthinking it…" I take the last few sips of my drink.

"And you could always tell him how you feel." Matsuda stands to throw out our drinks leaving me alone to ponder.

Maybe I should tell him how I feel…I want to share my bed with him all the time and waking up alone kills me.

Suddenly a familiar tone catches my ears and I follow it over to Matsuda by the trash can. It's his phone and he answers it looking at me confused.

"Matsuda…yeah I'm still here…no not yet…yeah I can add that to the list…mhm she's here too…okay I'll head back after I get it…yep, bye." He hangs up and comes back over to me. "That was headquarters, I guess Light just arrived, 'cause they added to my list." He smiles as I stand. "You ready to get the drinks and go?" He looks at me concerned, but I'm fine and I'll talk to Ryuzaki when I get back.

"Yeah, let's do it."

Hey everyone, I'm back! I know I know it's been a really long time I'm sorry...I've actually been dealing with a lot of crap IRL and then i started doing commissions and stuff...so yeah it's been kinda rough. But I'm back and i'm trying my best to continue writing.

For new favs we have coffeesenpai, thanks ^^

For new follows we have Pastel Dumpster (your name is amazing) and WorldPeaceMan (your name is good too ^^) Welcome to DNTOS hell-uh i mean thanks for reading!

Now lets see what we have for reviews since I've been gone.

hateme- Chapter 50 - "such a cute chapter"

A.) Awe thanks ^^

Kiralawliet1 - Chapter 50 - I love it, i really enjoyed this chapter i love the chemistry of the relationship between L and Samn. Also want to say thank you for giving me advice i decided to yet again to remake my story and start it off differently. You gave me the motivation to start writing again thank you. Ps: Can't wait for you to update.

A.) Awe thank you and your welcome, i'm so glad you decided to start writing again! And sorry the update took so long i hope it was worth the wait!

DarkAngel2581 - Chapter 50 - I'm really enjoying this story.

A.) I'm so glad ^^

Looks like that's all the reviews for now i'm sorry this was so late, like i said i have a lot going on ^^ I could get into it, but you could always just visit my tumblr and see.

I actually have a few announcements ^^ Chapter 52 is done all i have to do is type it up. I now have a Redbubble where you can buy prints and t-shirts of various art and such. I have a Ko-fi that you can all come to and leave me a tip if you so wish, everyone who does will (or i'll attempt to) get a small sketch of whatever you wish just comment it when you send such. And Commissions are still open so please please come over to my Tumblr and come get a full colored commission (preferably from one of the fandoms you've seen me interested in [ y'know, Square Enix stuff, Disney stuff, anime stuff, ] all for only $25 which people have said is hella cheap, OR you can donate to Ko-fi or my - /SamSilverfield Any donations and such will go toward creating new art, chapters and making sure my tech stays working (this laptop/tablet i bought constantly gets rid of it's mousepad cause of windows 10, i'm looking into like an ipad in case it craps out .)

Anyway! Love you guys and i will see you in CH 52!