Lauren woke up with a start. Her heart raced as she tried to shake off her uneasiness. She looked around and saw that it was just past 3 AM. The memories of the previous night haunted her dreams. Her mind played out a scenario of her apprehension of the hostage-taker going sideways. It made her think. She tried to recall what her thought process was when it happened but came to a blank and that scared her. She wondered how Nat and Clint handled it? Did they experience that every mission? Did their bodies move on their own or without a single conscious thought? The thought of it sent shivers down her spine.

Kakashi once offered her the possibility of joining the force, to formally become his protégé. He offered it casually, of course, not wanting to pressure her. When he offered the opportunity she declined initially but told her he'd keep the option open for her indefinitely. Being around the Team lately made her think about it sometimes. Could she do it?

She always thought that being able to react well to a dangerous situation would be a rush. She would sometimes imagine herself in situations where she'd be able to use the self-defense skills she's learned and grin. But now that she's experienced it, all she could think about is how things could have gone wrong. What if she miscalculated and ended up killing someone? Would she be able to live with it? Questions in the same vein started to pop around her head. She sat thinking for a few more minutes but realized thinking about it wouldn't help. She had to talk to someone about it.

She stepped out of her room and took a peek towards her roommates' doors. They were all still asleep. Since there was no one up yet she decided to take a walk around the Tower to distract herself. She could've baked as she usually did when stressed but just wasn't feeling up to it today.

As she walked around with no destination, she found herself close to Tony and Bruce's labs. The lights were still on. Curious, she approached the door. Inside she saw Bruce tinkering with Tony's… blasters? Whatever those things on the hands of his Iron Man Suit were. She watched him work and waited for an opportunity to catch his attention. A few minutes later, he finally sat up. She took the chance and knocked on the glass door. It took a few more knocks before he noticed her. He stared at her looking bewildered. She waved and asked if she could enter.

"Holy shit, Lauren! I thought I was just seeing things. Come in!" He apologized,

"You thought you were hallucinating? Just when was the last time you slept, Bruce?"

"Two days ago, I think?"

"So you attended the fundraiser despite not sleeping in the last 24 hours. I'd ask what you're working on but I'm afraid it'd just go over my head."

"In simple terms, we're trying to find a way to retain the repulsor's power but make it more compact. He wants the whole suit, even more compact."

"I still can't fathom how he fitted the entire thing in a suitcase. How much more compact does he want it?" Lauren wondered, she couldn't imagine the whole suit fitting inside anything smaller.

"As small as it can. My guess is he probably wants to store it inside the arc reactor."

She pondered for a few minutes, nanotechnology being the first thing that came to mind. The idea sounded like something out of a sci-fi book. But the one thing she's learned since moving to the States is that the line between sci-fi and science has thinned considerably, possibly to non-existence. If anyone could do it, it would be Tony and Bruce.

"This is a wild guess, but… is he trying to… use?... invent?... build? Nanotechnology?"

"An acquaintance of ours achieved something similar but we haven't had a breakthrough in merging their technology with the suit yet."

Not able to give her two cents, she just hummed in response. She left Bruce to his thoughts and just watched him tinker with a hologram of the suit and write down notes. They stayed in comfortable silence for almost half an hour until Bruce decided to take a break.

"So what brings you down here at this hour?" He asked, turning and manipulating a hologram image of a cell and an insect-looking thing.

"I had a bad dream, so I was trying to distract myself by walking around the building for a bit." She hesitated but she was desperate for someone to talk to. "Hey, can I ask you something a bit personal?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah sure, I don't have a lot of secrets left since… yeah. Anyway, shoot."

"Right… sorry. So, Hulk right? It must terrify you to be constantly on guard because if you don't do it right, you could hurt the people around you."

With her words, Bruce set everything aside and looked straight at her. She could feel him studying her eyes. She was aware that it was a bit of a touchy topic but she needed to talk to someone. It would probably have been better to ask Natasha or Clint or maybe even Sam. But they were all unavailable at the moment. She needed to talk to someone now.

"Can you tell me where this is coming from first?" He asked, eyes soft. While she was glad he wasn't offended by her question, his prerequisite to an answer felt a bit daunting. But then she remembered she already poured her heart out to more than half of the team now. Opening up to another person wouldn't be too bad.

So she told him about her nightmare. How it scared her that she acted subconsciously. That she was afraid that the way she would react to a dangerous situation would kill someone one day. That the skills she's learned to defend herself now scare her. Throughout her explanation, Bruce patiently listened to her. At the end of it, he quietly asked:

"While I understand your fears, is there a reason why you think that you'd be thrust into dangerous situations often? I mean I know you're currently living with us, but the chances of you getting caught in the crossfire are low."

"To be honest, Kakashi – the silver-haired man you met yesterday – suggested that I try to join law enforcement to formalize our mentor-student relationship. He brought it up way back when I was 18 but he mentions it casually sometimes. He says it's always on the table until I clearly tell him I don't want it."

"And you've actually been considering it all this time?" Bruce continued for her, she confirmed his guess with a nod. "That makes sense, the way you reacted yesterday reminded me of Nat. Please take that as a compliment." He paused, deliberating what he should say next.

"So the fears you mentioned make you hesitate to take up the offer?"

"That and family expectations…"

"Ah… Right. So, to answer your question: I'm still terrified of losing control. The things the Big Guy did before I met the team… It wasn't good. I was not only terrified of him, but of myself too. Because at the end of the day the Big Guy and I are one entity. I don't know if you know this but I ran away during the thing with Ultron. And when I was away, I realized I'm more of a danger to people when I'm alone. Being alone put me on high alert and I let him take over at almost every scare. The more scared I was the more likely that he'd come out. So, I returned here to where people who can handle him are. Tony did a lot of renovating to reassure me, and it has helped. But I think the team having my back is what helped the most. So what I'm trying to tell you is that, yes your skills can be dangerous, and you may end up doing something that'll scar you for life one day. But if you ever take up Kakashi's offer, know that there'll always be people who'll have your back."

There was a pregnant pause when he stopped talking. Lauren was too engrossed in taking in his words to respond. Feeling embarrassed at Lauren's unresponsiveness to his answer, Bruce apologized for going on too long and started rambling – which knocked Lauren out of her thoughts.

"Oh no, no, no. You have nothing to apologize for. I was just taking in your words, which really helped by the way. I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable."

With a relieved sigh, he smiled at her glad that he could help. But when she continued to stay quiet he realized that he gave her more to think about. So he suggested that she continue her walk outside once there was light out. She declined, wanting to spend the day just lazing around instead. He conceded and told her she could stay in the lab as long as she wanted.

She decided to stay for a few more minutes before going back to start preparing breakfast. Just before she could leave, Friday informed her that Tony and Pepper are letting her have the day off to make up for having her attend the gala (work) on her birthday. So, she decided to go the labor-intensive route for the breakfast she wanted to make. She bid Bruce goodbye and made her way to what she liked to call the Soldier Floor.

By the time she reached their floor, she decided on making French toast from scratch. Starting with the brioche loaf, and will probably make the toast syrup with some rum. Just when she was about to start preparing breakfast. Her phone rang. it was her mother. She winced already dreading the conversation to come. With a sigh, she answered.

Happy Birthday! Sorry, di kami nakatawag kahapon. Buti maaga ka nagising, kamusta ka dyan? (Sorry, we weren't able to call yesterday. It's good that you're up early, how are you there?)

"Thank you! Okay lang yun. nasanay lang kasi ako na maaga gumising. Magluluto palang ako ng breakfast, kayo dyan kamusta na?" (It's fine. I'm used to waking up early. I'm about to cook breakfast, how are you guys there?)

Heto, okay naman kami. Kailan ka ngai uuwi? Patapos na ang summer ah. Di mo ba namimiss pamilya mo? (We're doing fine. When are you coming home? Summer's going to end soon. Don't you miss your family?)

It was the question she dreaded hearing. She knew that visiting the Philippines yearly was going to bite her in the ass someday. She stifled a sigh and silently prayed to whatever gods were out there to help her get through this call.

"Ma, diba nga kakasimula ko lang sa bagong job. Nakakahiya naman kung magrerequest ako ng bakasyon. Wala pa akong 1 year." (Ma, didn't I tell you I just switched jobs? It would be shameless of me to request for vacation. I haven't even worked a year yet.)

Eh so? May vacation leave ka naman diba? Kailan mo pa gagamitin? Yearly naman un ah. Wala ka na bang pera pangbili ng ticket? Ako na sasagot kung 'di mo kaya. Kailangan mo ba ng pera? Padalhan kita. (And so? You have vacation leave right? When else are you going to use it? You get it yearly anyway. Can you not afford to buy a ticket? I'll pay for it if you don't have enough money. Do you need money? I'll send you money.)

"Mama naman. Afford ko naman ung ticket, kaya lang nakakahiyang mag leave. 3 months palang ako dito!" (Mama don't be like that. I can afford the ticket but it'd be shameless of me to request for vacation leave. I've only been here for 3 months!)

O sige, basta sabihan mo ako kung kalian ka uuwi. Or baka naman ayaw mong umuwi kasi may nakilala ka dyan? Isama mo na siya! Okay lang naman samin. Kailan mo balak bigyan kami ni Papa mo ng bagong apo? Namimiss na namin magalaga ng baby. (Fine. Make sure to tell me when you're coming home. Maybe you don't want to come home because you met a guy? Bring him with you! It's fine with us. When are you planning to give your Father and I grandchildren? We already miss taking care of a baby.)

"Ma." She replied with a groan. If her mom started to push this line of questioning more she was going to explode.

Okay lang kitdi. Unahin mo muna yung career mo. Saan ka nga pala uli nagtatrabaho ngayon? Buti umalis ka na dun sa coffee shop, sayang ung pinagaralan mo. Bakit kasi di ka nalang umuwi dito? May ipon ka naman na diba? Tulungan mo nalang si Papa mo sa catering, sayo lang din naman mapupunta yoon. (I'm kidding, it's fine. Prioritize your career. Remind me where you're working now? It's a good thing you left café, it's a waste of your education. Why don't you just come here instead? You have savings right? You can just help out in your dad's catering business. You'll inherit it anyway.)

Her words stung. She didn't need the reminder. She took a deep breath and told herself to endure just a bit longer.

Pagisipan mo Lauren. (Think about it, Lauren.) You are a smart and talented girl. If you want to continue your studies first before you come back just tell me. Kaya ko pa naman. (I can still afford to.)

Lola (Grandma)! Time to eat now!

She silently thanked the gods for saving her from the conversation. She did not need nor want this today.

Hay nako! Naubos ko na oras mo kakadada ko. Tawag nalang uli kami. Bye! Love you! (Oh my! I used up all your time with my rambling. We'll just call again.),

"Okay, Ma! Bye! Mwah." She replied forcefully and ended the call. She started at nothing for a while before heaving a deep sigh. And another, and another. The mixed emotions of annoyance, anger, and frustration would not subside. It made her want to strangle someone. "Bwisit! Nakakagigil!" She sighed. (Fucking shit! That was so frustrating!) "I can't," She sighed once more, "I have to get out. Need a better distraction."

And so Lauren stormed out of the kitchen, walking briskly to the elevator, and punched the button to the lobby. She watched the floors go by taking deep breaths while tapping her foot. When it stopped, she impatiently waited for the doors to open and practically ran out of the building. She ended up at the closest park to the Tower where she kept walking around until the frustration left her. She looked around and saw that the sun was about to rise. She decided to just keep walking around. Most of the anger has left her but the annoyance was still there. Just the thought of the conversation annoyed her so much. She was aware that holding on to that annoyance would help no one. So she took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and counted backward from 10. When she opened her eyes, it was already sunrise.

She took the time to appreciate the colors and feel the gentle warmth of the sun on her face. It was enough to push the last of her annoyance back where she could think of other things. Like the breakfast, she wasn't able to start. She wondered if there was a farmers market open close by. It being a weekday she didn't have much hope. She decided to make her way to the usual spots of farmer's markets to kill some time since the earliest opening time of a grocery store is still about an hour away.

Her hunt for a farmer's market was a bust and having killed enough time for some of the grocery stores to open. She made her way to the closest store which was thankfully already open.

She browsed the shelves slowly not really having a plan. She grabbed a few stuff that caught her eye but they were mostly just snacks. She paused in front of a tall shelf, something caught her eye. She really wanted to get it. But she had one problem with it. It was on the fucking top shelf. And it was just out of her reach. Maybe if she propped herself up on the lower shelf she'd be able to reach it, but it was in a glass bottle so it would be dangerous if she couldn't get a good grip on it or if she accidentally pushed the bottles next to it. There wasn't anyone tall enough close by who she could ask for help from. So she gave it a try anyway, if she couldn't get a good grip on what she wanted she'll give up on it.

She stepped up to the shelf and started to lift her foot to prop herself up but felt someone close in behind her. She stood still, not knowing how to react but also not wanting to react. Her nightmare was still quite fresh in her mind.

"I believe you wanted to get this madam." The person – man – behind her spoke. He had a melodious voice, the type that one could listen to all day. And he spoke at an even pace that could probably lull you into a trance.

Lauren slowly turned, starting with her head to take a peek at what he was handing to her. She tried to look up to see his face but could only see it partly. The man was towering over her. He was probably as tall as Thor, who was the tallest being she'd ever come across. He had long wavy hair that was pulled away from his face and dark green eyes. A color that she had never seen before on a person.

"Oh, yeah. Thanks?" She stuttered. She was aware of how small she is compared to the average person in this country but the dude didn't have to rub it in by towering over her. When he didn't step back after handing her the bottle she wanted, she couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at him. He didn't seem to get the message so she had to speak up for herself. "Can you back off? I already know I'm small, you don't have to rub it in by towering over me."

He didn't look offended or surprised at her confrontational attitude. In fact, he seemed entertained, like a child who found a new plaything.

"Apologies, my lady. I hadn't realized. You have such a presence you see." He explained. She felt flattered but was still annoyed. Why did he have to be so tall?

"Thanks, I guess? But could you step back a bit more? My neck is starting to hurt."

He stepped back with a small smile. She could feel his eyes studying her.

"Do you want me to return the favor?" She asked curtly, unnerved by his stare.

"Ah, I am sorry for unnerving you, madam. I was just trying to figure out whatever it is you would need this bottle for that you were willing to climb the shelf to get it."

"To cook obviously." She replied.

"Why are you cooking?"

"What other reason could there be?"

"Hunger does not seem to be enough of a reason for you to climb shelves, madam. If you were truly hungry, you would've opted for food that could be consumed immediately."

"Fine, how about stress? My stress relief is cooking and baking. Happy?"

"Why are you stressed?"

"Puta, kulit mo ah!"

He was taken aback. She wasn't sure if it was because he understood what she said or that she snapped.

"Fascinating, I have never heard that language. What language is it? You have my curiosity."

She couldn't quite put a handle on how she should react. On one hand, she was annoyed that this stranger was asking so many questions. But she also appreciated his curiosity.

By the time she made her decision to answer the tall stranger, she was ready to pay. So she let him stew for a little bit more before she answered him.

Once she paid for everything, he kindly offered to carry half of it for her. Which implied that he would not leave her alone until he got his answers.

She found herself walking around with him at the same park she ran to earlier. The man was silent - patiently waiting for her to start.

"I guess if I'm gonna tell you about my home country we're going to have to introduce ourselves first."

"A reasonable trade… You may call me… Renard."

His wording gave her two assumptions, either it wasn't his real name or that it was a variation of his actual name. She assumed it was the latter.

"Right, so the language I spoke earlier is called Filipino from the Philippines."

"I have never heard of the place."

"Just what kind of rock have you been living in?" She asked skeptical, "Never mind, so my home country is pretty much on the other side of the globe from here. It's made up of a bunch of islands and we're pretty much a mix of a whole lot of nationalities."

"Fascinating, and what exactly did you say earlier? Something that sounded like 'cool it' ?"

"Kulit is... how do I explain it? It can mean a number of things, like mischievous, cute, annoying, naughty, or persistent. A whole bunch of things to be honest depending on the context."

"And the other word?"

"In that context, it just means 'fuck'. 'Putang ina mo' being the complete version. And like the other word, context can also change the meaning. Though literally, it means 'your mom is a whore' which makes it a curse phrase. It's supposed to be quite insulting, so if a kid says that and they get caught they their ass whooped almost 100% of the time."

"So I take it that parents or elders are held in high regard in your country?" He inquired, his eyes filled with so much curiosity that she could feel her enthusiasm bubble up inside her as their conversation continued.

"Pretty much, it doesn't help that we're considered a Catholic country. The whole 'wives submit to your husband' and 'children defer to your parents' thing is almost strictly followed. It's considered rude to call anyone older by their name. And as a child, you're expected to follow the wishes and whims of your parents. Not to mention that you have to take care of them when they're older so putting them up in nursing homes is highly frowned upon."

"And am I correct to assume that your parents are the source of your stress? The whole reason why you wanted to stress cook,"

With a sigh, she confirmed his assumption. "Yeah, that last spiel must've been a huge hint." She said sarcastically. "It's just so annoying. Though I am thankful for everything they have given and done for me. They just don't seem to know when to back off, let someone live their life you know? And It's so much more ridiculous now when I've been living away from them for almost half my life maybe a little bit more than that even, but somehow I still let myself be ruled by them."

"I don't quite understand. It sounds as if you couldn't care less about them. But you still let yourself be dictated by them. Why?"

It took her a few minutes to form a proper answer to his question. She opened her mouth several times thinking she had the answer but the answer she had in her head didn't feel justified.

"I'm not sure if I can explain this to you in a way you can understand. But this is the best I can do for a nosy stranger." She started, "Do you have a family? They don't have to be related by blood, but the people who raised you and the ones you thought growing up were absolute gods in the small world that you as a child knew." She saw him roll his eyes at her god comparison that got her curiosity.

"I'm adopted, but I can understand the reference. A little too well admittedly, but it's not me we're talking about at the moment."

"So as you grow older, you realize that they aren't the gods you thought they were. They have their flaws that just make you loathe them at times. But you could never hate them because you still feel indebted to them despite not wanting to. Or being logically aware that you shouldn't be indebted to them because it was not your choice to be born, or that you had no say in the choices of your parents who decided to bring and raise you into the world you grew up in. They had responsibilities as parents to give you the basic care that you deserve as a child and that means that you should not have to 'pay them back' for everything they've done for you. At least that's what I believe in. Most of the people back home in the Philippines still think that 'Parents are king' and justify it with: 'They gave their blood, sweat, and tears to raise you! You should pay them back!'." She took a breath to calm herself. She could feel her heart start to race as she spoke.

"So there are expectations for children to be there for their parents when they're old and senile, regardless of what shit your parents put you through as a kid. Because 'no matter what happens they're still your parents.' Like god damn, it's not like we were asked 'is this what you want?' it was always, 'do this for the family' or 'be this because it's what we expect of you'. And the one time you are able to tell them what you actually want you just get an inferiority complex because they don't believe you're capable of doing what you want."

Renard was silent, but Lauren just took it as him letting herself calm down. "Sorry, I didn't mean to dump baggage on you when you just wanted to learn about my country."

He kept quiet for a few more moments before finally replying, "Ah, no. It's all right. It was just… unexpected. I found myself relating to you on a level I did not expect."

"Oh! Uhm, yeah. Though I was honestly not planning to go on that long, much less tell you all that. I guess I'm still pretty riled up about what happened. And I just realized that I kept repeating myself sorry."

"Quite alright, although I am quite intrigued with how different your country's typical family dynamics is compared to what I've seen. I have to admit, I am now more curious about what you said 'the one time you are able to tell them what you want'? Would it be alright if I asked for the story behind that statement?" Renard admitted, his eyes showing a different kind of curiosity that Lauren couldn't quite put a finger on.

"Seeing as I already started anyway, might as well." She replied with a shrug,

"Before I started college, I told my parents that I was considering taking up accountancy as my course. While they didn't blatantly say that they don't think I'd be able to finish the course, they did say: 'Are you sure that you can do it?' Like, how in the fucking hell was I, a teenager, supposed to interpret that? 'Oh, we just want to make sure you really want it?' Like hell I would, teenage me took it as 'Oh we don't think you'd be capable of doing that, just take the course that we've set for you.' Fucking hell. I still feel that's how they think up to this day." Lauren explained gritting her teeth looking like she wanted the flora in front of her to burn.

"That is something I can relate to quite well. It seems that both our families are unfamiliar with open communication." Renard sighed with a far-off look.

They both walked in silence for a few more minutes until Lauren heard her name being called.

"Lauren! We've been looking all over for you!" James called out to her worriedly.

"Good morning, sorry I was actually on my way back. Renard here offered to help me with the stuff I bought and we've been conversing." Lauren apologized.

"Renard huh? Thanks for helping her out. You okay to go now, Ren?" James asked as he wrapped a light jacket around her shoulders. It made her realize that she was still in her sleeping clothes which only consisted of a racerback tank top and shorts. She peeked at her feet to see if she managed to get some footwear. Which she thankfully did. She mouthed her thanks to James and squeezed his hand that he kept on her shoulder in a protective gesture.

"Yeah, I'm good. I'll see you around Renard?"

"Maybe sooner than you think madam. Thank you for the wonderful time. I'll leave the lady to you, sir." Renard bid his farewell as he handed James her groceries. He walked away from them with a nod and he waved at them as he approached a corner and went on his way.

"We were so worried about you! Steve and I were surprised to find your room and the kitchen empty when we woke up. Friday told us you had stormed out of the building before sunrise looking distressed." James chided her. "Steve and Sam are also running around looking for you. Let's get you back home first before you tell us what in the world happened for you to storm out like that."

"Yeah… home, home sounds good," Lauren replied with a wide smile on her face.