Chapter 14: Guilt
Sasuke groaned as he opened his eyes. He felt like he'd been hit by a truck, unable to move without pain. As he heard the beeping of the machines around him he realized he was likely in the hospital. He assumed whatever pain medication they may have given him either wasn't strong enough or had begun to wear off. His head was pounding as he looked around the room, thankful that the lights were dimmed to provide a little relief.
"You're awake!" Naruto excitedly jumped out of his chair and practically ran to Sasuke's side.
"The doctor said not to crowd him," Itachi reminded the blond, knowing that he wouldn't listen. He had been sitting in the chair next to Naruto, presumably waiting for Sasuke to wake up. "I'll go get the doctor," he told them as he stood up.
Shortly after surgery, Sasuke had been cleared to move from the ICU to a private room for recovery. His face remained stoic, but on the inside he was replaying what had happened, trying to piece everything together. "Is Orochimaru actually dead?" he asked, his voice hoarse.
Naruto nodded, "That's what the police said. He didn't even make it to the hospital." He grabbed Sasuke's hand, "Are you okay?" They both knew he wasn't just asking about his physical wellbeing.
"Just peachy," he responded sarcastically. He saw the worried look in Naruto's eyes and sighed. "I'm fine," he lied. Physically eventually he'd be fine, but his mind was a mess. He wasn't sure he'd ever be able to be the same mentally, but he wasn't going to tell Naruto that just yet. By the look on his face, he was pretty sure Naruto knew he was lying.
Before they could continue the conversation, the doctor walked in to check on him. "How are you feeling?" the doctor asked. "Scale of one to ten, how's the pain?"
"Eleven," Sasuke answered.
The doctor nodded and signaled for the nurse to provide him some more pain medication as he talked to him. He started to explain what had happened but it was all just going in one ear and out the other. "We're going to run some more tests so make sure there is nothing else and I'd like to keep you here at least a week for recovery," he said, finally getting Sasuke's attention.
"A weeK? Are you kidding?" he just wanted to rip out all of the IVs and monitors connected to him and run away. He wanted to submerse him self in something to just forget what he'd been through. Sitting in a hospital room would just make him think about it more.
"Mr. Uchiha, you need to understand, you just had major surgery. We cannot discharge you until we are sure there is nothing else," he told him before he started giving him instructions of everything he couldn't do while he was recovering. While he'd hopefully only need to be in the hospital for a week, his physical recovery would take months and mental even longer.
Once the doctor finally left after a thorough examination, Sasuke realized only two of the three most important people in his life were in the room. He looked at Naruto, "Where's Suigetsu?" He knew his best friend would never leave his side when something like this happened.
Itachi and Naruto looked at each other, not sure how to explain what had happened without making Sasuke blame himself. "The doctor's said that he'll be discharged by the end of the day," Naruto told him. "I'm sure he'll come straight here after that."
"Discharged?" Sasuke asked. "What's going on?"
Itachi looked at Naruto, "This is on you to explain."
Naruto sighed, holding his hand tightly, "We were being stupid and doing our own investigation and once of Orochimaru's guards saw us. I guess he must of ordered him to kill us. The guards that survived aren't talking so we can't be sure, but he was shot in the process when we were going to the police station. He's going to be fine."
Sasuke's jaw dropped, not sure what to say. "Please tell me you're kidding," his voice was just above a whisper.
"They said he's going to be fine," Naruto tried to reassure him. "No major organs were hit, he didn't even need surgery. He blacked out from the fall, but was monitored for a concussion and the stitches are enough to patch him up," he explained, trying to downplay the incident. It had been traumatic for all of them, but he had to believe that they'd all be okay.
"You were there?" he asked. "You both could have been killed because of me," Sasuke's mind was racing. All because he had been dumb enough to trust Soma. If he hadn't trusted the man then this may not have happened. Orochimaru wouldn't have had his in and they wouldn't have been searching for him. He was sure that at some point it would hit him just how traumatic the experience had been, but for now Naruto had to concentrate on Sasuke and making sure he was okay. Once the shock of everything wore off, he'd need to talk to someone and truly process the incident, but there were more important things on his mind in that moment.
"None of this is your fault," Naruto told him. "I'm the one that started investigating and he chose to join," he argued, refusing to let Sasuke blame himself for what they all had been through. "The only person that's really to blame is Orochimaru."
"If I hadn't trusted Soma," he started, only to be cut off by his brother.
"We all let you hire him and thought bodyguards were a good idea," Itachi reminded him. "Orochimaru would have found away to do this no matter what," he told him, knowing that the older man would have figured out a way to get Sasuke in his grasp either way. So long as he was out it, it was never an if, it was a when.
"But," he started, his voice drifting off as he didn't know what to say. He couldn't help but blame himself no matter how much everyone said it wasn't his fault.
"Itachi, can I talk to him alone?" Naruto asked. The older man just nodded. He didn't want to leave Sasuke's side, but understood that they needed some privacy. Once he left Naruto turned back to Sasuke, "Baby, please listen to me when I say that none of this is your fault."
"I should have been more careful. None of you trusted him," Sasuke shook his head. He winced a little as he tried to sit up.
"The doctor said no sudden movements," Naruto reminded him. "Talk to me," he said softly, rubbing the back of his hand with his thumb.
"I feel so stupid," Sasuke admitted as he looked down. "I knew better than to be alone with him. I shouldn't have trusted his story about Jona. This never would have happened if I had just listened," he cried, feeling himself break.
Naruto wanted to hug him, but the doctor had told them that could do more harm than good, so all he could do was squeeze his hand and try to show he was there for him. "I wish I could hold you," he told him. "The doctor said not to until they do some more tests," he frowned. "Trust me, if I could I would climb into bed with you and just hold you."
Sasuke's sobs calmed a little, but the tears still ran down his face. They were interrupted by a knock at the door. The men looked up to see Kiba pushing Suigetsu in a wheelchair. "Hey," he gave him a small smile. "Can we talk?"
"Of course," Naruto said as he quickly stood up. "I'll be right outside," he told Sasuke, giving his hand one last squeeze before moving the chair out of the way so Kiba could push Suigetsu's chair next to the bed. The two men walked out of the room, leaving Sasuke and Suigetsu alone.
"I'm so sorry," Sasuke apologized, trying to hide the fact that he was crying. "You're in a wheelchair because of me?" he asked.
"I'm in a wheelchair because Kiba is overly dramatic and says I'll rip my stitches if I even lift a finger," he shook his head. "Look, I'm going to tell you what I told Naruto. I made my decision to go with him to try to find you, so don't blame yourself. I sure as hell don't and would do it again if it meant finding you," he told him. "I'll be fine. They gave me some referrals for therapists and I know when it finally sets in, I'll need to talk to someone, but I'll never blame you," he assured him.
"Why the fuck would you put your life on the line for me?" he asked. He expected something like this from Naruto, but not Suigetsu.
"We both know you'd do the exact same shit for any of us," he argued. Sasuke was stubborn, but Suigetsu hoped he could eventually accept that it wasn't his fault. "I know you're not going to listen and you're going to blame yourself regardless," he frowned. "Please."
Sasuke sighed, "I'll try."
Suigetsu knew that was the best he was going to get, "And you'll talk about this with someone? It doesn't have to be me or Naruto, it can just be Dr. Tanaka if you aren't ready to tell us. I'll knock some sense into the fiancé of yours if I have to so he keeps pushing before you're ready."
"I'll call her once I'm out of here," he promised.
Suigetsu nodded, "Maybe see if she can make a hospital visit."
Sasuke shook his head," No, I need some time to process before I talk to her. It can wait a week."
Suigetsu could see the look in Sasuke's eyes. He knew he was holding back for everyone else's sake. "Just don't hold it in for too long," he told him, hoping for once the man would listen. There was a knock on the door, making both men turn their heads.
"Time for some testing," the nurse told him as she moved to start unhooking anything that could be unhooked so they could take him for further scans. They had a slew of testing they wanted to perform. "Are you claustrophobic?" she asked.
He shook his head. He didn't exactly like small spaces, but he could handle it. "I wasn't, who knows now," he told her sadly, trying to remain stoic.
She frowned at him. Everyone knew what had happened and was being cautious around him. "We'll get through these as quick as possible," she promised.
"I don't know if I can come back, but I'll text you," Suigetsu told him as he was wheeled out of the room so they could transport Sasuke to be scanned.
Sasuke just nodded, still feeling guilty for what had happened. He knew he'd feel even worse when Naruto started feeling the effects of the trauma he'd been through. He wished he were optimistic and could believe everything would be okay, but he couldn't and it hurt him to know that the people around him were hurt because of him. He felt like he let them all down.
NS
"You ready to go home?" Kiba asked when Suigetsu exited the room.
Suigetsu nodded, "I guess." He looked at Naruto, "I'm assuming they told you that they're taking him for some scans."
Naruto nodded, "Yeah, I'll wait here for him."
"How much sleep have you gotten?" he asked. There were bags and dark circles under his eyes, showing how little sleep he'd gotten.
Naruto just shrugged, "It's hard to sleep while he's here." He'd fallen asleep in the chairs a few times, but never for long. He couldn't go home while Sasuke was there. The staff had tried to kick him out at the end of visiting hours but quickly learned that it wasn't a good idea so they let him stay despite technically not being family yet. They didn't want to deal with an angry Itachi by kicking any of them out. He reminded them on multiple occasions that the Uchiha Foundation had made charitable donations to the hospital that could easily stop. Naruto was happy he wasn't on the receiving end of Itachi's anger.
"Maybe try to go home and get some sleep," he suggested.
"Thanks, but we both know that won't happen," he told him. His brother had been brining him changes of clothes ever since Sasuke had been admitted. The man had refused to leave until he knew Sasuke would be okay.
"He's going to be a while, go home and take a shower at least," Suigetsu told him. "Itachi is here and Sasuke will understand if he comes back and you're not here. He'll be more upset with you for not taking care of yourself."
"He's right," Itachi told him. He'd hardly left since Sasuke had been admitted, but he'd forced himself to go home a few times.
"Fine," Naruto huffed. "Text me the minute he gets back if I'm not here."
Itachi nodded, though he knew he wouldn't. He'd give him some time to sleep and shower, knowing that Sasuke would agree when he came back. "Just go get some rest," he demanded.
Once they had convinced Naruto to go home for a little while, Kiba and Suigetsu headed to the injured man's apartment. "Really, I can take care of myself," Suigetsu insisted.
"The fuck you can," Kiba disagreed. "I'm staying and taking care of you," he told him as he helped the man navigate to the couch. "Think of me as your personal maid," he said. "They already said I can work from home," he told him. "I just need to go home for a little bit to get my stuff but after that you're not getting rid of me for a while," he wouldn't let Suigetsu argue otherwise. "Just accept it."
"Are you going to be wearing a maid costume then?" Suigetsu teased.
"If that's what I need to do for you to stop arguing, then you know I will," Kiba retorted. "I'm sure I can find one in my size," he pulled out his phone as if he was going to actually order one.
"That's completely unnecessary," Suigetsu told him, not sure if Kiba would actually do it. What he did know is that the doctor said no sex and he wasn't sure he could resist Kiba in some sexy maid outfit.
"No funny business," Kiba promised. "I'll even sleep on the couch." Even if Suigetsu offered for him to sleep together in his bed, he thought that would be for the best while the other man recovered.
Suigetsu couldn't help but smile a little, "I'm not going to convince you otherwise."
"Not until the doctor clears you," Kiba confirmed. "Just sit back, relax, and let me take care of you." Suigetsu just watched fondly as Kiba did everything to make him as comfortable as possible for settling next to him on the couch. He rested his head on Kiba's shoulder as they watched TV in comfortable silence. He knew then that everything would be okay.