Disclaimer:

Mrs. J.K., … … Hey? I am out of semi-funny comments? Meh, let's keep it: I am doing this for free.

Previous:

Harry gathered his thoughts and started his orders: "Kreacher, meet Dobby and Winky. Take my luggage along with Winky to Grimmauld place, and close all access to the house except for yourself, me, Dobby, and Winky. You are forbidden to speak, contact, or in any way communicate with others than me and my other elves. Is that understood?"

Kreacher fought my order for seconds before he caved in: "Kreacher must obey filthy half-blood traitor… for now."

"Winky? Keep an eye on Kreacher, can you give me the key to my vault please? Dobby, take me to Gringotts."

2. The first steps to freedom.

Dobby took Harry's hand and popped him at Gringotts doorstep. Harry looked at the front of the building, he even took the time to read the bloody limerick on the wall and went inside with an invisible Dobby at his side.

Harry spotted a teller with no customers and asked the teller: "Excuse me sir, can I speak with someone about my vault and some other things?"

Well, I forgot to mention a book about Goblin customs in my letter, but his question will do nicely for now.

The teller frowned: "Name?"

"Harry Potter sir."

"First of all Wizard Potter, you address us as Teller, or if you want to be polite as Warrior. Sit aside, a Runner will come for you in a few minutes."

"Thank you Warrior."

Nice save Harry. A few minutes later a runner took him into the bowels of Gringotts, after a walk of ten minutes, they reached a door with House Potter labeled on it. From Voldemort's memories, I knew they walked in circles for at least eight minutes. It is what cab drivers do with tourists.

The runner opened the door and announced: "The Potter Heir, Master Accountant."

Harry swallowed, gathered his courage and walked inside. Behind a desk sat an old withered goblin. The goblin pointed a chair in front of the desk: "Be seated Heir Potter, state your business."

Harry noticed the minimum service I mentioned and started with it: "First point of business Master Accountant is to inform you I have a mail block spelled on me and never received a single letter from Gringotts. A friend taught me the spells to recognize them and how to dispel them. He told me also to show the block to you to prove it."

The Master Accountant stood up and glared at Harry: "These are serious statements Heir Potter, blocking our Mail is not easily done. Cast your spell after you tell me who wrote the book you learned the spell from and the title."

Intimidated Harry whispered: "Magical Binds, Bonds, and Blocks, by Virgo Black Master Accountant."

Harry cast the Spell, showing the Mail block. The Master Accountant swore something foul in Gobellydobbelygook and slapped a button on his desk, when a runner opened the door, he shouted some commands to the runner who took off as if his pants were on fire.

"Heir Potter, I am familiar with that book, I also know the spell to block our Mail is in it, I called for an Elder curse breaker to examine your block, if we find out that spell is cast by you, the fine will be substantive."

An old wrinkled goblin entered the office, Voldy never learned their language, but I could guess the gist of it when both Goblins talked for a few minutes. The old one approached Harry, pulled an impressive knife out of his sleeve and waved it all over Harry. The old one got mad and started talking to the Account manager.

The account manager addressed Harry: "Heir Potter, the Mail block is fifteen years old, Elder Shredder reported, you have your magic blocked for 50%, and a Blood Binding that binds you to Blood wards. We know the book from Virgo Black has the spells to remove them. That makes me guess we are the first stop to rectify it all?"

Hmm, they have brains after all. Voldemort had that book and brought it along with the Tiara when he hid it in the Room of Requirements, in fact, he hid several trunks there with books his slaves were not allowed to discover, some because he stole them from their families, some because they could learn his tricks and overpower him. The books I recommended came from those trunks, Dumbledore cleaned Hogwarts Library from those a long time ago, he has to keep the sheep ignorant.

Harry nodded: "Yes it is, Account Manager, my friend told me to claim the Lordship of House Black, he said Sirius Black named me his Primary Heir in his will. Dumbledore will not allow me to be present at the reading. My friend also told me when I am Lord Black, to claim House Potter. Can you tell me he spoke the truth?"

Good Padawan! A few days of logical thinking go a long way! A runner fetched the Black Account Manager, who came along with some other old Goblins, a few minutes in Gobellyingdobbelying informed them of the situation.

"Well met, Heir Black, I am your Account Manager Rusty Blade, these four Elders are the witnesses of the last Will of Lord Sirius Black, although he never claimed it officially, he donned the ring but left it here. Lord Black left you a letter where he explains when and why he blood adopted you. We give you permission to claim your inheritance, read this note, and once learned say them out loud with your wand raised upwards."

Hmm? Padawan is Blood adopted by the dog? So he was a pup after all. Anyway, the puppy claimed House Black, and the Account Manager of House Potter guided Harry to claim his Ring. When the Lordship of House Potter was accepted, the two Managers grinned evilly at eachother.

"Lord Potter-Black, first let me introduce myself, I am Throat Slicer, Account Manager for sixty years for House Potter. Rusty Blade and I suspect foul play and ask for your permission to do a full audit on both accounts. Any suspicious or unauthorized transactions will be reported to you. Do we get your permission Lord Potter-Black?"

Harry, still dazed by the rings came to his senses: "Yes, you have my permission. Can I come back the day after tomorrow to hear what you have found? I still have some studies to do on how and what to do, being a Lord."

Rusty Blade nodded: "Two days will be enough to find the biggest violations and make an overview of the accounts."

Throat Slicer added: "I suggest unblocking your parent's Will and arranging a reading, I propose on the same day as the reading of Lord Black."

Harry showed some initiative and said: "Do it warrior Throat Slicer, can you give me a copy of both wills?"

Rusty Blade shook his head: "Not for Lord Black, the will of House Potter is long overdue, we have to follow protocol with House Black, which means you can't announce your Lordship of House Black before the reading of the Will. The letter from Sirius will explain it all to you."

"Thank you both Warriors and Elders for your time, I will return in two days."

Throat Slicer: "You can leave from here Lord Potter, your elf can transport you from here. Let your elf notify us of your visit at least three hours in front. Goodbye Lord Potter-Black"

Dobby took the hint and popped Harry in Grimmauld place. I felt the wards accept Harry as the new Lord. Harry got confused with all the extra information from the wardstone.

"Kreacher! Come here please. Kreacher did you do as I asked? My ring is demanding me to go somewhere, do you know what it wants? The truth Kreacher."

"Filthy Halfblood Master needs to go to the Wardstone and put Ring on it. Poor mistress Walburga will turn in her grave for this insult on the pure House of Black."

Dobby got angry: "Yous better obey like a proper elf and follow the commands of your Lord. As a good elf is supposed to do!"

Burn! Getting told off by a younger elf on how he should behave stung like a bitch!

Kreacher, still mumbling to himself guided Harry to the Wardstone: "Nasty brat is not a House Black elf and has to stay outside."

Harry thought for a bit and declared: "I, Lord Black give permission to Dobby and Winky to work and live in any properties of House Black."

That is my Padawan! He is getting smarter by the hour, those yellow mind spells he removed must have dimmed his wits. Harry put the Black Lord Ring on the stone and took possession of Grimmauld Place. Harry removed, guided by Dobby, the Fidelius and all names from the visitors' list, after that he raised the War wards.

"Kreacher, I am told not to give you clothes, that there is more to your story than you being responsible for killing your Lord. I will judge you in a few days, from now on you talk politely to us, help clean this place with Dobby and Winky, and you will not contact anyone but me, Dobby, and Winky. Is that understood?"

Kreacher grinds his teeth… and nods, if he can't insult Harry then he will stop speaking. Either way it is an improvement. Harry had dinner in the kitchen with the elves after a long discussion, he won it by telling them that eating by himself is worse than eating with his elf family.

Xxxxx

Finally the boy is asleep, I think he suspects something because he has a pen and paper ready on the nightstand. I have to disappoint him though, with a permanent Gemini spell I made a copy of the parchment, and enlarged it a bit, after writing my letter, I will clean the quill to erase my tracks.

My Young Padawan,

You did a great job on the train and at the Goblins, let me be the first entity outside Gringotts to congratulate you with your double Lordships!

There are a lot of things that need your attention and even more you need to be made aware of. Again, these are my suggestions, I am certain you can think of some of your own now those mind spells are gone.

First, ask Kreacher for books on Goblin customs and how to handle them, every House has some of those. Goblins are a proud nation, and insulting them is bad for business. I must say that I am impressed by the way you handled the Goblins so far, and so are they.

Second, it is good you raised the war wards, this way Fawkes can't find you. I am certain you found the spell to block all animals except owls to track you, clear the Floo list too, the War wards are doing that, but better safe than sorry.

Third, congratulation on your move on Heiress Bones, I suggest going on that date with her, although take her to the muggle side, both of you are prime targets of the death eaters, ask Dobby to follow you and pop both of you away in case of trouble. An idea is to add Miss and Madam Bones to your wards and Floo list.

Fourth, organize your defense. Did you know your elves can be the greatest warriors with the right commands? They are forbidden to attack wizards and witches, but… they are allowed to do the cleaning and manage the house. See if you can give the orders that make them into death eaters' worst nightmare.

Fifth, a humble suggestion is to visit a movie theater and see the Star Wars Trilogy, with or without Miss Bones, someday I will explain how I get my knowledge, your Occlumency can't keep Snape or Dumbledore out yet.

Sixth, you noticed Mr. Weasley's reaction on the train, I suggest keeping your location a secret for everyone. If you want to include Miss Granger, ask her to train Occlumency, and suggest that her father investigate his ancestors. The book Duties of the Heir Primaryby by Willyburt Dagworth-Granger indicates a possibility of being related to a cadet line or squib.

Seventh, you must have noticed it yourself that your time with the Dursleys influences your daily life and mental state. It pains me to tell you that it does and will do for the rest of your life if you don't take action against it. I will give you an example, Snape, being bullied by your father and the Marauders did not help his case but are not the cause of his behavior.

Snape's mother married a muggle and was cast out of House Prince for it. They were happy for a while until dad lost his job and started drinking, feeling neutered because mother had a job to pay the bills. Mother, cut off from the wizarding world, had nowhere else to go with a small child, and the abuse began. It started gradually, a slap here, a drunken hit there, by the time Snape was eleven, mummy and Snape got bullied by dad on a daily base.

Don't think Snape is a bully because he hated your father, he bullied students for ten years before you came to Hogwarts. He is a bully because he is raised by one. Yes, the worst bullies come out of abusive situations. Voldemort was bullied in his orphanage until he learned to defend himself, the SOB loved to hurt his bullies and became the worst one there. The same in Hogwarts, he got bullied until his fourth year, then he took his revenge.

I am telling this so you can recognize the signs, and perhaps in a year or two visit a mind healer or psychiatrist.

Eight, let Kreacher tell you about Master Regulus and the locket. This is important information that Madam Bones and the Goblins need to know.

Enough about that depressing stuff.

The flier, it was a good find to include the picture with the anagram of I am Voldemort. I have to warn you though, telling them he is a son of a squib and killed his relatives without knowing it is the truth can bite you in the ass someday. You guessed right though. Merope Gaunt drugged Tomas Riddle with Amortentia potion, she stopped when she was six months pregnant, so Riddle Sr. left her in a fury. Tom killed his father and grandparents and framed the Gaunts.

Find out some ways to control the papers, if they say you are evil, people will believe that until they say otherwise.

I also suggest legal counseling, if they are writing books about you without paying you for it, that needs to be corrected.

Most of all, tell your story to Madam Bones, from the day that old goat dropped you like a piece of garbage at your aunt's doorstep until now. She needs to know to bring justice to not only you but Sirius too.

Again, Do, or Do not, it is YOUR choice, it is your life

Be well Padawan.

Xxxxx

Harry woke up with the letter next on his pillow, he checked the parchment and quill and swore: "I will find out Obi-Wan-Kenobi!"

Now that I think of it… Kenobi is the last name of that Jedi so it had to be Obi-Wan Kenobi… fuck it, I am dead so they can't sue me for it. If Hermione gets these letters in her hand, I'll bet she will get over them with a red marker, pointing all my mistakes out.

Harry studied the letter and asked Kreacher about Master Regulus. Sobbing, Kreacher told the story about the fate of his beloved Master, even harpy Walburga was listening to Kreacher's tale. She was shocked to hear that her beloved Dark Lord was responsible for her son's death. Silently she left her painting and moved to a landscape painting in the manor vault.

Kreacher provided a few books about Goblin customs to get Harry started, he got a new chance with Harry, who promised to deal with the locket. Both set the Floo list, erasing all but the Bones women.

Three elves on a cleaning mission did the work in less than a day, Kreacher guided Harry to set the wards to evict or kill the unwelcome vermin.

"Master must select the bad ones, there are good ones too, Fairy has special rooms built for them in each wizard home. Fairies living in those rooms are a great honor, so are Unicorns living in the woods on the Estate. It is bad luck to force them to stay."

Ah! That is the way Voldy lost his nose! He did a ritual and forced a few fairies to participate in those rituals. He threw a tantrum when he could not grow a new nose. The first ones that laughed at his new look died slowly. No sense of humor at all.

Xxxxx

Harry noticed that reading and memorizing books was easier. While he was studying the books, I trained to disconnect from Harry's senses, especially his emotions, a teenager's hormones are no joke at all. I was a mess in my previous life and Harry is a hormonal mess times-ten.

The boy desperately needs a book about the birds and the bees! I doubt the Blacks have books about How to woo your Witch, or In what hole to put your Wand. The only experience Harry has is from the talk between Seamus and Dean in his dorm, a date with a sobbing Cho, and a Yule Ball disaster with Parvati. I need more parchment…

An hour before dinner Winky popped in with a letter: "Master Harry, this be a letter from Mistress Susi."

Boy, Winky is eager for those babies, calling Susan Bones Mistress already, is the elves' way to let the Lord know they approve of the relationship. Agreeing on a date is a relationship in Winky's book.

The Letter said

Heir Potter,

I notified Aunt Amelia of your request for a meeting, she agreed to a meeting tomorrow at lunchtime.

We will call on your elf to bring you over and discuss all your issues. She requests the presence of your Magical Guardian or your legal counsel.

For reasons explained tomorrow, Lord and Lady Abbot will be present for that talk.

With best regards

Heiress Primary Susan Bones

Heiress Hannah Abbot.

A small note came along with it:

Harry!

Aunty completely misunderstood! Hannah told them about our date and the half hour we spend in that compartment and made the wrong conclusions, I did not dare to correct it, sorry.

Yours, Susan Bones.

Oho! The kid is in trouble! Should I warn the poor sod or let him start courting? They include Hannah for the line continuance… he can have two for the price of one! Or chicken out and do a runner.

The pureblood ways are a maze for the ignorant, and the boy is clueless. Nah, I will warn the kid, it is too late for a counselor, and letting the Lord sign any contract without knowing the rules would be my fault.

Susan not correcting the story means one or two things, she has the hots for Harry and wants it to happen, and-or, the Abbot family was there and Hannah exaggerated our meeting, making it a bigger deal than it is.

Harry pondered about those letters and wondered what Madam Bones misunderstood. Living in a cupboard for ten years is devastating to his social skills and common sense and it left him clueless.

Yep, his Jedi needs to give his Padawan the Talk… There is no emotion, there is peace? There is no love, only lust and desire? Both sides suck. Sign the contract and shag them both?

Ron Weasley may have the emotional range of a teaspoon, Harry however is near that too, maybe a soup spoon, or a fork? I doubt he will say thank you after Susan gives him a handjob, his emotions will go berserk, and he will wonder if he has to marry the girl after that.

Well… this is my experience speaking, my emotional range definitively wasn't further than a napkin when I got my first HJ. A clueless boy going through that can't be considering the girl, he has a hard time with himself let alone someone else.

So the Jedi to the rescue! He will use the Force… the Quill to guide his Padawan to a better future! Never mind those Jedi being celibate, they, and all religious leaders know what is best for you! That and I have the rest of the day to think about it.

It is simple, hook him up or not?

Harry did the smart thing and asked Dobby, Dobby said: "My Winky said not to cause trouble or Dobby has to sleep alone."

Kreacher gave Harry a book about contracts, the book disappeared after dinner though, it was replaced with How to woo your Witch. Winky is the head elf and wants her babies fast. I can't blame her though, babysitting Crouch Junior without a chance on a future baby, she grabs every opportunity she gets.

Xxxxx

Young Padawan,

I can not say you are lucky or unlucky, You see, Miss Susan has herself trapped in her and your lies, no doubt miss Hannah has told her parents about your stay with Miss Susan in that blinded compartment, and the half hour you and Miss Susan were holding hands and told her of your date this Saturday at 10 o'clock.

Being Pureblood Heirs, this means courting! You young Padawan entered the swamp that is called Courting a Pureblood! The first letter is co-signed by Miss Hannah, in other words, the Bones and Abbots have an agreement that makes them a package deal.

Read the book Duties of the Heir Primary chapter three to five, chapter six is all about Miss Susan and Miss Hannah's situation. Your situation is explained in chapter seven.

There are two solutions for your dilemma, support Miss Susan and play along with some boundaries, or come clean with the truth and embarrass Miss Susan, probably making her and Miss Hannah dislike or hate you for it.

Losing face is a big deal for a Primary Heiress, her actions reflect on her House after all. How you handle this situation will set the tone for how other Houses will regard you. As the Lord of two Most Ancient and Most Noble Houses, you are in the spotlights. Treating two Heiresses the wrong way will get your position isolated. The light side will shun you, the Grey side won't trust you, and the Dark side will play you for a fool.

Enough for the scary part, send Dobby with a letter to your account managers, and ask if your Houses retain a law firm. If they do contact them immediately, for the Boy Who Lived they will come running, the downside is that you are a Lord and they might suggest more than a Courting contract. It is their way of doing things after all.

You know that I won't say what to do young Padawan, just to think it over and make your own decisions.

The important part is that you tell your tale to Madam Bones. Provide memories, I think Madam Bones has a pensieve, or ask Kreacher House Black has one.

Have fun with the Girls Young Padawan.

Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Xxxxx

The next morning Harry cursed me for the first time: "How the bloody hell am I supposed to know what to do when you advertise both sides!"

Muttering foul words, he read the book about Duties of the Heir Primary, he paled when he read chapters six and seven, fully understanding the swamp he got himself into… Then he realized I was the one that told him to contact Madam Bones!

WTF? Now I am the bad guy? I told him to pretend… Yeah, I am the bad guy. No comments! Jedi can make mistakes too! Watch Star Wars and you know it too. It is too late to correct it anyway, I have to sit and watch Harry get himself out of trouble or into Susan's knickers.

After reading chapter seven, Harry realized that he can't involve legal representatives, as that would send all the wrong signals, finally, he came to a decision.

The rest of the time he read: How to woo your Witch to Winky's delight. An hour before time, Winky prepared Harry for the meeting, babbling advice on what to do, two bouquets of red roses ready for Susan and Hannah… Blasted! I should have warned Harry about Winky's desire for babies.

Xxxxx

Harry, all dressed up, with two bouquets of roses, scared shitless, found himself in front of the Gate of Bones Manor.