He refused to admit that it was because of love.
She hung limp at the end of a spiderline of steel wire. A set of teeth were closing in on her. There was no time—he wouldn't make it—he couldn't reach the nape and he couldn't reach her. But somehow his body found an alternative before his brain could decide if it was a good idea or not.
Instead of Karma, the teeth clamped on Levi's left leg. White hot scissors sliced the nerves and tendons, snapping them like rubber bands. He heard and felt the eerie screech of crunching bone. Levi gritted his teeth. He knew the leg was done for.
But she was alive. And, dammit, he would have given his arm too.
Her head felt heavy, like it was full of thick syrup. Through the tissue paper in her ears, she heard whooping cheers and celebration and laughter. But that couldn't be right—they were just in battle.
Did she die? Her throbbing eyes cracked open and were greeted with a fog of ethereal white steam. She slammed them shut. Dammit, no! How could she have died and left her comrades to fend for themselves? How could she have been so weak?
"Hey, look who's awake." It was Jean's voice. Last she saw him, the branch-like fingers of a humanoid beast were stretching toward his neck. They must've got him. At least she wouldn't be alone.
"Dammit. Who else is here?" Karma said. Jean sat her up with a hand on her shoulder blades.
"Everyone made it from what I can tell—well, except for Eren. Obviously."
"So he won after all." Karma wrapped her arms around her knees and banged her forehead against them. "Dammit. Dammit!"
"Woah, woah, calm down. He didn't win. We won."
"We're not dead?"
Jean started to laugh, but stopped when she stayed somber. "What? No, of course not. You were just knocked out."
"For how long? What happened?"
"Damn, you missed a lot. The Rumbling is over—hell, Titans are over. We saved the world, basically."
"It's done? All of it?"
"Yeah, I thought you'd be a little more excited about saving the world."
"But I didn't save the world. I didn't help at all. I was completely useless."
"Don't talk like that, shortcake. You revived Humanity's Strongest Soldier and helped us get the flying boat. Not to mention that kiss gave me a real confidence boost."
"Thanks, Jean." Karma half-smiled. The white steam thinned until she could make out the outlines of hugging and running and sobbing people all around her, the source of the celebratory uproar.
Jean's arm was still on her shoulders.
She'd chosen him, hadn't she? The way her head was tilted towards him. The way she felt tucked under his arm. The way she'd kissed him in the hanger.
His lips pressed against her temple. But she kept her head facing her knees.
Jean's heavy exhale wafted loose strands of her hair. He was reluctant to ask, afraid of the answer. "You want to see him, don't you?"
"I promise I'll come back."
"He's just resting somewhere down that way. Can you stand?"
"Yeah."
She found Captain Levi collapsed on the ground with his back against a mossy boulder. For the most part, he looked unscathed, but his left leg was bleeding beneath the kneecap.
"Oh my God, Captain. Is your leg alright?" Karma dropped to his side and inspected the damage. He hissed when her gentle fingers made contact.
"Fu—Yeah it's fine." His closed eyes were veined with strained wrinkles.
"What happened?"
"I got bit."
"Can you move it?"
"If I want it to hurt like hell."
Karma tore her sleeve. "This will help." Levi spewed profanities as she fastened the sleeve above his knee and knotted it into a makeshift tourniquet.
"What are you doing? Just leave it." Levi's cheeks puffed as though holding his breath could pause the jolts of pain. She shot him a scolding glare.
"No, dummy, I can't leave it. You'll bleed out."
"Exactly."
"The hell is wrong with you?" She twisted the knot until it wouldn't budge. The bleeding was already slowing. "Why would you want that? You'd die."
"It's better than living the rest of my life as some worthless cripple."
It was a reflex, but she wasn't sorry—she slapped her palm across his face.
"That's one way to treat a patient," Levi grumbled, rubbing his jaw.
"Don't you dare call yourself worthless. You have your whole life ahead of you."
"Wheelchair bound, blind, and bedridden. What a life."
"Dammit, Levi!" Karma clawed a tuft of grass. She felt embarrassed to be crying, but she couldn't help it. "How can you just give up on yourself? Don't you get how frustrating that is for me? All the time and care I've invested in you and you're just gonna throw it away because you feel sorry for yourself?"
"I never asked you to invest in me."
"So Jean was right then. It's all been a waste?"
Levi didn't respond.
"Don't you care about yourself enough to just attempt to stay alive?" Karma rose to her feet and shoved tears away with her fingers. "I told you if you injured yourself again, you're finding a new doctor."
Karma stormed off and somehow found herself collapsed in Jean's chest, making his white shirt see-through in the splotches her tears sank into. The steam was gone, leaving them surrounded by piles of Titan bones and dusk air.
"I hate him!" Karma's shoulders were shaking. Jean kept telling her to take deep breaths, but they kept cracking into sobs. "I should've just let him die. That's what he wanted, apparently."
"I'm sorry."
"We sacrificed so much to bring him back and he doesn't even care. It's like he's mad at me for saving his stupid ass."
"I know."
"Then to top it off, he gets his leg busted. It's like he's spitting in my face."
"Yeah."
She'd been cycling through these points, spinning in varying words and profanities. After a few failed attempts to douse the fire, Jean just let her rant, tossing in one of his three safe phrases whenever it felt appropriate.
"Not even a thank you. Just more injuries. And then he's all butt-hurt about being crippled when he's the one who threw himself back into battle too soon."
"Yeah."
"I'm sick of it. Why are we being punished for doing the right thing?"
"I know."
"Ugh. I'm sorry, Jean. I know none of this matters. I just…"
"You just love him."
"No, I hate him."
"You don't hate him, Karma. If you hated him, you wouldn't care about any of this."
"I can care and hate at the same time."
"You shouldn't hate him though."
"Don't defend him—he's a complete jerk. He doesn't care that I care. He's fine with hurting me and himself." Karma added, "And you."
"If that was true, he wouldn't have risked his life to save you."
"Jean, you're the one who shielded me from gunfire. Twice. Levi hasn't done shit to save me."
Jean groaned and the sound vibrated into her chest. "Karma, you were unconscious. He took that bite for you. That's why he got injured. It's not that he doesn't care about himself. He just…cares about you more than himself."
"Did he pay you to make that up?"
"God, no. He couldn't pay me enough to make up something that could work in his favor."
"Well he clearly regrets what he did if he's asking me to let him bleed out and die. So I still hate him."
"I wish you hated him. I really do."
"Then why even tell me the truth? You could've let me go on thinking he didn't care about me. It would make things a lot easier for you."
"I don't want you to pick me by default. And you'd have found out anyway. Honestly, I should've told you way sooner. I'm sorry. That was selfish."
"Jean, you said yourself that risking your life for someone means you put them first. You've done that for me twice now—you're not selfish."
"Good, I was hoping you'd say that." Jean hugged her closer. He rested his cheek on her crown and breathed her in like it was his last chance. "I love you, Karma," he said, voice muffled in her hair.
"You know I love you too, Jean."
"Just not as much, right?" He tried to dress up the hurt in his tone with a layer of humor and a small smile.
"No." Karma nuzzled her cheek on his shoulder. "Just in a different way. I'm sorry. I've been leading you on this whole time—hell, for years probably. That was selfish."
"Karma, if you're one thing, it's not selfish. Stubborn? Definitely. Feisty? Hell yeah. But someone who forgets to eat and brush their teeth to sit at a bedside for a week straight is not selfish."
"I'd have done it for you too, Jean."
"I know."
Now Karma wetted his shirt with different kinds of tears. The bitter-sweet ones that felt good streaming down your cheeks. She kissed his cheek and he watched her walk away.
Just shy of two steps, her foot paused in midair. Her braid swung as she turned back toward Jean. "Hey, there's someone else who could use a rebound."
Jean snickered. "What? Who?"
"Mikasa. She just killed her boyfriend-brother. Bet she could use a shoulder to cry on."
"Psh. Sure." Jean cast his eyes to the sky with a shake of his head. He shoved his hands in his pockets. "See you later, shortcake."
"Bye, noble steed."
Jean cracked a smile.
Karma kicked her heels as she neared the mossy boulder, hands clasped behind her back.
"You're still here?" she said to the top of Levi's bandaged head. He scoffed, head bent over his outstretched legs.
"I take it you heard what happened? Can't imagine any other reason you'd want to see me again."
"Yeah, I heard."
Levi didn't say anything. Though his set jaw and hard eyes might suggest otherwise, Karma realized he was shy. She settled herself beside him on the ground. Her torn sleeve whispered against his.
"Why didn't you tell me?" she said.
"Because it's stupid. The whole thing makes me feel weak."
"How the hell is sacrificing your leg to save someone's life weak?"
"When you put it like that it sounds badass."
"It is badass."
"Look, Karma, this isn't a conversation I really want to be having. Why don't you go celebrate? Connie and Jean are already drunk."
Karma whipped her head and sure enough, bottles of wine were being passed through a rowdy gathering. Red-stained lips and dribbling chins and drunken laughter and clumsy dancing.
She turned back to Levi. His eyes were unfocused on the celebration. A Marleyan with a fiddle joined in and the dancing spread. The children had made a game of climbing Titan bones.
"No, thanks," Karma said. "I'd rather have an uncomfortable conversation with my pirate-eyed Captain."
"That's not even a little funny."
"Jean would've thought so."
"Right. Shouldn't you be dancing with horseface? Isn't that what couples do?"
"We aren't a couple."
"Sure looked that way when you kissed him."
"He saved my life—of course I kissed him."
"Is that why you're here then? I won't say no to a kiss, but I hope you realize that your being alive is the reward."
"Captain, I'm not gonna kiss you for saving my life."
"Good."
"I'd only kiss you if I liked you."
"I follow the same rule of thumb when it comes to saving lives."
Blush crept from her neck to her ears. "You like me?"
"In a sense."
"So that's why you didn't tell me? You think liking someone makes you weak?"
"You saw what good investing yourself in me did."
"That's exactly why you're wrong, Captain. Yeah, your heart might break. So opening it is a sign of strength."
"Sounds idiodic. Why would you intentionally put yourself at risk?"
"Well why did you intentionally leave the hospital?"
"Fair point." Levi made a sound between a scoff and a laugh. Karma shifted her body to face him and took his hand.
"Look, I know your eye sucks and your leg sucks."
"I hope this is going in a more positive direction."
"But I want to help you, and it's not weak to accept help. Just let me be your eye and leg, alright?"
Levi made that sound again and freed his hand to fold his arms. "You're not my doctor anymore. You made that pretty clear."
"I'm not asking to be your doctor again. Just let me take care of you."
"Why?"
"Why not?"
"Because you have your own life to live. Let me deal with this cripple crap."
"Captain—"
"I mean it, Karma."
She pushed the air from her lungs. "What do you want me to do? Leave you here all by yourself and go drink and dance?"
"Of course not, but I'm not going to be the one that holds you back. I know how you like to dance."
"Levi, I know it'll never be like it was in Marley, but I don't care—I love you."
"You won't for long though. You'll get sick of taking care of me. Pushing me around in some godforsaken wheelchair. Helping me shit. I'm not putting you through that, Karma."
"Do you love me?"
"You must've figured out that much by now."
"Then let me in. Please."
Levi stared past her to the dancing and merriment, the life she would be sacrificing. He'd sacrificed his life for her—and, hell, he'd do it again—so why was he so reluctant to let her do the same?
He finally met her eyes. Honey-sweet and golden.
"Alright."
Karma threw her arms around his neck. He felt her tears drip onto his shirt and collarbone. Then she pulled back, swiping her nose with her sleeve.
"This isn't some amazing comatose dream, right?" she said.
"Only one way to know for sure."
Levi tipped toward her, aiming for her lips. But just as his eyes closed, Karma put a hand to his chest and said, "Hang on."
The bandages from his head loosened and slinked to the ground in a puff of dust, exposing his scars and discolored iris. Levi tensed.
Then he felt Karma's fingers trace the marks, her lips parted in an awed smile, and he relaxed. She stroked his hair behind his ears and landed her palms on the nape of his neck.
"Okay, now you can kiss me," she said, eyes sparkling with that dreamy infatuation.
"Finally." His lips were on the tail end of the word when they met hers.
They couldn't get close enough. Karma was digging Levi's back into the boulder, sure to leave streaks of dirt and smudges of green moss, but he couldn't be bothered.
He grasped her waist and explored her back and kissed her neck. He gripped her thighs and rolled his tongue across her lips and teeth. The taste and feel and smell of her were euphoric.
How long had he been in denial about his feelings? How many delicious kisses could they have shared if he had just been strong enough to open his heart? As though to make up for the loss, he kissed her deeper.
He could kiss her forever. In fact, he intended to do just that. The setting and rising of the sun could come and go, the earth could shatter, the stars could collide—nothing would pull his lips from hers.
But then Karma started shaking with giggles and her lips sputtered and broke away. Her forehead fell to his shoulder.
"What's wrong?" Levi said. Karma sat up again, unable to erase her smile.
"Nothing, I'm just happy."
"Does this beat dancing?"
"Is that supposed to be a joke?"
"I thought it was funny," Levi said, then kissed her again with smiling lips.