A/N: I'm really not confident with this story, but one of the main reasons i came to love writing is because I can use writing to make people laugh. So thanks to the friend who convinced me to post this. If this story makes even one person laugh, its worth it.

Chapter 2

By the gods, this woman truly wants to kill me!

Bella could see the furious intent burning in the golden eyes of the vampire who had caught her as she fell. Why the vampire even did that seeing how furious she looked now, Bella didn't know; what she did know was that Bella was in for a world of pain if she let the vampire catch her. This was a potentially life or death situation.

"I told you I can explain, didn't I?" Bella's words fell on deaf ears as she jumped, barely dodging Tanya's swiping hands, all while adding to the mess. Tanya froze, only for a second, as Bella used a wall to launch herself over Tanya's head, leaving curry and paint, glitter accentuated footprints on the wall, and sending more liquid spray onto Tanya as she flipped over Tanya's head.

"I'm going to slaughter you for this," Tanya swore, eyes turning black with fury as she whirled to continue after the disgusting intruder. Only, the intruder wasn't anywhere in sight. At least, not until Tanya noticed her entire coven staring upwards with various expressions of shock on their faces.

It was only when Tanya heard the flap of bird wings, followed by a rain of goop, that Tanya dared to look up herself.

"Come on, I didn't do anything on purpose!" the intruder complained, arms crossed over her chest and a pout on her lips...from where she hovered, curry covered wings flapping from where she was flying in the air.

"Holy shit, this is the best thing that happened to us in years!" Kate exclaimed in excitement, only for Tanya to whirl on Kate in her fury.

"You think an intruder busting through our window, and covering our newly renovated house in...in...in goop is a good thing, do you?" Tanya demanded as she started to stalk towards her sister, momentarily distracted from her true source of ire. Kate only had a moment to be concerned, wondering if she should make a break for it, when the intruder in question landed on the nearby banister, high enough to be almost out of lunging distance. She then proceeded to shake herself like a dog, sending more curry spray everywhere. Those stupid glasses flew off of Bella's head, and Tanya couldn't even bring herself to move as they sailed through the air and somehow, as if by magic, landed crookedly on Tanya's face.

"Damn, how much of this stuff am I wearing?" Bella mumbled obliviously, right before shaking herself out for a second time.

"Oh shit," Irina whispered, realizing that Tanya was moments away from snapping. It was every man or woman for themselves, and at that point, Irina just decided to run and only hope the others were smart enough to follow her example.

"We need to go," Eleazar agrees, scooping up Carmen. Before his mate could voice concern over leaving Tanya alone with the intruder, they were gone, running for safety.

Kate, oblivious to everyone but the show in front of her, just watched in excitement, wondering exactly what was going to happen next. Not wanting her mate to potentially get caught in the crossfire, Irina saw no choice but to run back, grab Kate by the back of her collar, and attempt to run out all over again.

Sadly, before they could make it to the door, Tanya had taken off the glasses, squeezing them so hard they snapped in half. She then proceeded to pick up the closest thing—the TV—and throw it right at Bella. Bella dodged easily enough, but the sad thing was, the TV was now aimed directly for Irina and Kate.

"Uh, babe? Incoming," Kate told Irina, who immediately cursed again, jerking Kate out of the way and jumping backwards right before the TV smashed into the wall, creating quite a big dent. "You know, if you'd let me go, I could dodge myself," Kate added as Irina was forced to dodge again, this time as one of the chairs went sailing through the air.

"No I can't, because then you'd want to stay and watch them like the idiot you are." She loved her mate, really, but sometimes she just didn't think about the potential dangers around her. At all.

"Aw c'mon, how could you not want to watch this?" Kate exclaimed with disbelief, gesturing to the quickly growing carnage before them, just as the entire couch went flying towards them, nearly grazing Kate's fingers as it crashed into the wall next to them, falling to the floor in splinters. Over the sound of the couch breaking, they both heard the intruder complain, "Hey! That almost hit me."

"That's the point, damn you!" Tanya snarled as she looked around for another weapon. Seeing all of the furniture in pieces and too far away, without hesitation, Tanya reached down, ripping a floorboard right from their floor. To Bella's complete shock, she then threw the floorboard like a javelin, nearly impaling the winged girl if it weren't for a quick maneuver.

"Whoa whoa whoa, that might be deadly there." Again, the vampire didn't seem to care as she ripped out another floorboard and threw it. Bella used a special dive maneuver to dodge, and the floorboard thankfully went through two walls instead of Bella herself. "God damn you're scary." Bella was in complete disbelief at this point, but also strangely turned on. As far as she remembered, she hadn't felt her heart beating that fast and hard because of one girl in her entire life; even if it was because the girl was trying to kill her. "I never met someone who was willing to destroy their entire house just to take me down before."

Of course, what had Tanya been thinking? She really shouldn't be damaging her house's floors any further. However, still needing a weapon, Tanya's gaze turned to one of the only unbreakable things in the house, something she would be able to throw again and again.

"Uh oh," was all Kate could say as she saw the intent in her sister's eyes.

A moment later, Tanya picked her up with both hands, aiming her right at Bella. Irina just sighed, resigned to her mate's fate as a living weapon.

"You've gotta be kidding me," Bella mumbled, both awed and afraid.

A second later, javelin Kate was heading way too fast right at Bella, looking a little too happy with her new role as she let out concerning amount of laughter. Whether Kate was determined to catch Bella or not, Bella had no clue, but she was able to dodge anyways. She, Irina, and Tanya simply watched as Kate went through the ceiling, then through a wall after that, before continuing to fly out into the forest with no sign of stopping. Soon she was out of sight of all three girls, but a loud crash from the forest signified she had eventually landed.

Irina was the one to break the silence, shaking her head in disbelief at the entire situation before saying, "I'll go get her."

Bella was so fixated on watching Irina climb through the hole in the ceiling after the vampire javelin, she didn't even realize that Tanya was creeping up behind her. That is, until she felt arms wrapping around her waist, taking her right to the ground. Bella let out a curse as she was slammed into the floor, pinned in place by the potentially deranged blonde.

"I finally have my hands on you." Tanya seemed proudly triumphant as she glared down at Bella. "Don't even try to escape."

It wasn't every day Bella had a gorgeous blonde straddling her; she couldn't help herself.

"Trust me, there's no place I'd rather be right now," Bella breathed. "I'm completely at your mercy."

It was at the moment, as Tanya stared into the intruder's eyes, that Tanya felt the first tug at her dead heart.