Elizabeth made her way down the corridor as quickly as her heels would allow. Her stride increased with each breath she couldn't quite get into her lungs and her safety was altogether too far away. She hadn't had a panic attack for the longest time, but the way her heart was beating and throat felt like it was closing up, she was pretty sure one was on the way. She made it safely to her office, slamming the door behind her. The privacy allowed her to undo her jacket and loosen the top button of her blouse enough to get some air as she crumpled into her chair.

Her head was swimming with unidentifiable sounds, yet she could hear Conrad's words almost screaming at her. "That's why I'm making you station chief in Baghdad - I know you won't let me down." She replayed it over and over. He didn't say he wanted to make her station chief — He specifically said he was making her station chief. What the hell was she meant to do now?

Her hand reached for the ball of rubber bands that sat next to her phone. Elizabeth was a fiddler and could never make it through an entire phone conversation with anyone without needing to mess with something.. The number of paper clips she'd bent out of shape was almost criminal and the notepad had some very amusing doodles on it. She needed to regain some focus. To actually absorb the information and respond accordingly rather than just reacting. But right now, reaction was all she had.

Luckily, she was well versed in bringing herself down from a panicked state. It had served her well throughout her life and the key was compartmentalisation. She could pull everything apart and put it back together in an order that her brain could comprehend. The perfect combination of action and reaction. That's probably what made her such a good analyst.

As her breathing evened out and she could finally swallow the mouthful of water she'd been holding since she sat down, her eyes settled on the small, tatty frame that sat on her desk. It wasn't anything special, just a quote in an old picture frame, yet it flooded her brain with memories that brought her comfort. One memory in particular came to the forefront of her mind.

She was six or maybe seven years old and had gone into her father's study to take him an oatmeal cookie she'd just baked with her mother. He was ensconced in the pages of a leather bound book, but when he saw her, his face lit up. His smile was always so warm and comforting and he was never too busy for either her or Will. He had lifted her onto the desk and asked her quite simply "So tell me my little Lizzie Bee. Which do you prefer — Baking or reading?" She had thought about it for a second and then answered in the most matter of fact manner she could. "I like eating what I've baked while I'm reading daddy. I like both equally" He had chuckled and then pointed to the frame, reciting what Aristotle had once said —

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."

"Whatever you do in your life Lizzie — Always strive to make your very best just a matter of habit. You are going to achieve great things my little bee."

That quote had sat on his desk all throughout her childhood and when the house had been sold and their possessions cleared out after the accident, Elizabeth had taken it and kept it close no matter where she was. She was determined to heed his words and always make excellence a matter of habit. If she could do nothing else, she was going to at least honor that.

Her career was extremely important to her. She had pushed herself to breaking point so many times throughout boarding school, and then at UVA. When Conrad recruited her, she was more determined than ever to succeed and make her parents proud. This was an incredible opportunity and it's what she'd been working so hard for. The decision was a no-brainer, yet she felt conflicted. Oh how she wished she could speak to her dad right now. He'd know what she should do.

Juliette tapped on the door but when Elizabeth didn't even notice, she breezed right in. The vacant stare and snapping of the elastic bands spoke volumes and she knew something must be off.

"So the meeting with Conrad didn't go so well then?" Juliette perched herself on the edge of the desk and wore a sympathetic expression.

Elizabeth peered over the top of her glasses and frowned "Depends on how you look at it I guess."

"Well, on a scale of Latvia desk to the President, where exactly are you sitting right now?"

"I'm sitting in a whole messy heap of fuck my life right now."

Juliette wasn't all that good at riddles and this particular one had her stumped. "I'm going to need a little more than that Bess. Please tell me Conrad didn't fire you?"

The elastic bands dropped to the desk with a thud "Nope! He gave me a promotion — Station Chief in Baghdad to be exact."

"Bess! That's fantastic!" Juliette studied her friend's expression, somewhat perplexed by it "Isn't it?"

"For my career, yes of course it is. It's what I've been working for all this time and it gives me a real chance to implement something, to force change. It's the opportunity I know my father would push me to take."

"But you're hesitant?"

"Yes! If this had happened 2 months ago I would already be on the plane. But, I failed at one relationship because I put my career first. If I do the same now and walk away from Henry — I'm not sure I'll ever get another shot at having a normal life, a family or of being truly happy."

"You didn't fail at your relationship — Simon did. You have got to stop holding yourself responsible and crucifying yourself for every bad thing that happens in your life. You are NOT responsible for someone cheating. Just like you weren't responsible for the car accident that killed your parents. You're your own worst enemy Bess."

"So — What do I do?"

"Only you can make that decision Bess. Just make sure it's one you can live with. Now come on, I'll shout you lunch — Greg and Andrew said they hadn't seen you for a while so we may get free food."

Elizabeth grabbed her bag and almost made it out of the office before her phone rang.

Juliette rolled her eyes "Leave it."

"I shouldn't, it might be important! Just 2 seconds and I'll be with you." Elizabeth picked up the handset and pressed it to her ear and her face immediately fell. The conversation was short and whoever was on the other end clearly wasn't someone Elizabeth wanted to speak to.

"Yes — Yes — I don't know — ok I'll be there." and she hung up.

She looked at Juliette with a pained expression "I'll have to take a rain check — There's somewhere I need to be."

Elizabeth felt nauseous. She was already having a challenging day and this wasn't what she needed right now. Her heels scraped across the concrete as she moved her feet back and forth nervously. The park bench was the only thing keeping her upright. She considered bailing, but her body wouldn't move. And then she heard it — That voice.

"Hello Beth, thank you for coming. I wasn't sure you'd show up."

He was the only one who ever called her Beth. She had hated it to start with, but it had become their thing and she had grown rather fond of it.

She stood and swallowed thickly, the nausea reaching a peak "Simon! What do you want? I have to get back to work."

He still made her heart race and her head feel foggy. She wanted to hate him but she couldn't bring herself to do it. And then it hit her. He wanted to tell her that he was getting married or having a baby. Oh god could this day get any worse. Not only did he not want any of that with her — He was going to rub her nose in the fact that he was about to have it with someone else.

"This was a mistake, I really shouldn't have come — I have to go." She turned on her heels but was stopped in her tracks.

"I miss you Beth. I fucked up really bad but I love you. I've always loved you. I want you to come home."

What the? Did he really just say what she thought she heard?!

"Huh?" Was all that forced its way out of her mouth

"I was an idiot. I didn't realise what I had with you until I'd lost it. But I've figured it out in my head and I know what I want now." He moved closer and looked into her eyes "My god you're beautiful."

Her mouth hung open as she listened to him. There were so many thoughts and feelings swirling around in her head but she couldn't seem to get any words to settle on her tongue. In the nine months they'd been apart, she had imagined so many different scenarios where she would get to tell him exactly what she thought of him. But now that he was stood in front of her, the only thing that came to mind was —

"You broke my heart."

"I know that baby and I'm so sorry. I was confused but it was just sex, it never meant anything I swear to you. It's you I love — It's always been you."

Suddenly, her brain and her mouth kicked into gear "It was just sex? You threw away almost four years together and destroyed me in the process and you're telling me it didn't even mean anything to you?"

"It was impulsive and stupid baby. I can make it up to you."

"You screwed her in our bed Simon. You brought her into our home. Into our relationship and destroyed everything we'd built — And it didn't even mean anything to you? — Fuck!"

Simon pulled her close and pressed his lips to hers. It caught her off guard and she melted into the kiss, unable to fight it. The feel of his hands on her waist and his tongue tickling the roof of her mouth was familiar and exciting until she realised what was happening and pushed him away.

"No — This is not happening. You cheated on me and you think I'm going to just forgive you and take you back? You really think that's going to happen?" She couldn't help the laughter that escaped her. "You're crazy."

"Why are you laughing? I'm serious Beth. Come home — Please. I'm crazy about you."

"Not a fucking chance. You made your choice and now this is mine. You don't get to waltz back into my life nine months after you tore it apart and act as if nothing happened. I'd rather live the rest of my life alone than be with someone who doesn't value me."

"That's extremely likely Beth. You don't even value yourself. You're so closed off and emotionally unavailable that anyone who even tries to get close to you will end up completely broken. You keep saying I hurt you but you hurt me too. You never let me in, not completely. I had a hand in our relationship failing — But so did you." His voice was soft but his message was clear.

His words felt like the force of a thousand tons of steel hitting her body. It hurt everywhere. She wanted to scream at him that he was wrong — but how could she when she agreed with him. She was closed off and broken - What could she possibly have to offer anyone in terms of a relationship. Maybe it really was her fault they hadn't worked.

"Beth — I won't give up! We're meant to be together and you know it." Simon reached for her hand but she stepped back.

She looked at him one last time before turning and walking away. "Go to hell Simon - And take Shannon with you."

The coffee shop was quiet, which wasn't unusual for a Thursday afternoon. There were the habitual mums meeting up for a natter while their babies slept but they usually didn't require much in terms of service as they were there more for the social side of things and could make a donut last 3 hours.

Andrew appeared from the kitchen with a tray of freshly baked muffins and found Greg staring at the corner table.

"You know it's not good form to spy on our customers Gregory! Not if you want them to come back."

Greg huffed "It's Bess. She's been staring at the same cup of coffee for an hour and she hasn't said a word. Do you think she's ok?"

Andrew peered around the corner and observed Elizabeth. Her hands were wrapped around the cup which remained untouched and she was staring into space. It was highly unusual for her to be there at that time in the afternoon. He placed an apple muffin on a plate and nudged Greg "Take this over and see if she needs anything. If she wants to talk, she will."

Greg placed the plate on the table and sat down. He waited for Elizabeth to acknowledge that he was there but she didn't even flinch. She had a far away look in her eyes, as if she were trying to work out the mysteries of the universe.

"Hey honey — Can I get you another coffee? I think that one's cold by now."

Elizabeth just shook her head and looked down at the table.

Greg toyed with the idea of leaving her alone with her thoughts, but she looked so forlorn and he had a soft spot for Bess. Of all the customers who had been through the doors of their little cafe, She was his favourite.

"Do you know what I love most about running this place Bess?" Elizabeth looked up as Greg began to speak "We get to truly observe people. They come through our door and for an hour or two, we get to be part of their story. Some we never see again, some become regulars but every once in a while, something really beautiful happens and those who were once strangers — They become friends."

He placed his hand over hers and smiled "You're not just a customer Bess — You're our friend and if you need to talk, we're here."

When Elizabeth still didn't speak, Greg pushed the chair away from the table "I'll get you another coffee honey. You stay there as long as you like, ok."

"How did you know Andrew was the one?" Her voice was soft and almost inaudible.

Greg stopped and smiled. "When I realised that even his persistent nagging made me happy."

Elizabeth looked up and there was the mere flicker of a smile "I could use a friend right now."

"And you have one. I'll be right back."

Greg returned with fresh coffee and a friendly ear. "Ok honey, you have my undivided attention — What's going on?"

Elizabeth sighed and shook her head "I don't even know where to start. Yesterday I thought I knew where my life was going. But today has blown it all out of the water and right now I just want to crawl into bed and stay there forever." She broke off a chunk of apple muffin and popped it into her mouth.

"Is it work? Love life? Ohhhhh —." He covered his mouth with his hand and his eyes went wide "Are you pregnant honey? Because I will happily offer my services as a Lamaze coach — It looks like so much fun. With your eyes and that gorgeous complexion…. oh those babies would be adorable." Greg was grinning "Let me get you a camomile tea instead."

"No, I'm not pregnant. But, that would probably be easier to deal with."

"Whatever it is, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but in my experience, a problem shared is a problem halved. And you never know, you may feel better for getting it off your chest." Greg had one of those personalities that drew people in. He was like a teddy bear with his bushy beard and he was putting Elizabeth at ease.

"I've been offered an amazing opportunity at work which would really take my career to the next level. And I could implement ideas that would really make a difference. The problem is — It's overseas and I'd be gone for 12 to 18 months at least."

"Alright —A promotion is a good thing. Why are you hesitant? Does the prospect of leaving scare you?"

"No, It's the idea of what I'll be leaving behind that scares me." She wasn't sure whether to share details of what had just happened in the park, but she'd got this far so what the hell. "I just saw Simon and he wants to try again."

Greg and Andrew knew all about her break up with simon. They had met him several times and had witnessed her break her heart while Isabelle and Juliette tried to comfort her and piece her slowly back together. They had also watched her regain her confidence over the last few months, especially after she started seeing Henry.

"Oh hell no Bess. You're an intelligent girl, you don't want to revisit that." Greg shook his head "He's bad news honey."

"Don't worry, I told him exactly what I thought." Elizabeth managed a smile "It won't be happening."

"So it's the mystery guy who has you glowing like a firefly. He's why you don't want to take the job?"

"Maybe. I don't even know what we are to each other though. I mean, we have fun and we've been on a few dates but I don't think it's serious. I just don't know."

Andrew had been eavesdropping "Sounds to me like you need to have a conversation with this guy Bess. You can't make an informed decision if you aren't in possession of all the facts. Once you know where he stands, you can work out where you need to be."

Elizabeth eased herself up from the table and swung her bag over her shoulder "I think you two are my most favourite people ever." She gave them both a kiss on the cheek "Thank you."

Greg touched where she'd just kissed "You're the only woman who's kiss can make me feel all fuzzy."

"I should hope so." Andrew gave him a look and then turned his attention back to Elizabeth "The best decisions aren't always the easiest ones honey. We only get one life, so make sure you do what is best for you. We're a long time dead."

Elizabeth nodded and headed out the door. She had a lot to think about — And a conversation to have.