A/N before we begin: Hi friends! Back again (FINALLY) with an update! I didn't mean to take this long between updates but oof, writer's block is vicious. Regardless, here it is! I hope you guys enjoy!

chapter two

Violet nervously chewed her lip and looked around. She checked the time on her phone for what felt like the tenth time in five minutes. She was supposed to be meeting Evan's parents for lunch but there were still fifteen minutes before the time they'd agreed on. Her nerves had gotten the best of her, making her arrive half an hour earlier than she planned, and now she was stuck waiting.

A brief but all too familiar bout of nausea rolled through her and Violet groaned, sipping slowly at her water. It had been two weeks since she found out she was pregnant, and she was reeling.

Violet never thought she'd find out she was pregnant in one of the treatment rooms in Gaffney's Emergency department surrounded by her friends, coworkers, and boss. She also never thought she'd be pregnant with her dead boyfriend's baby but here she was. And that's what hurt the most.

She'd always wanted kids one day, far, far in the future, and she'd even let herself imagine having kids with Evan. In every one of those thoughts, however, Evan was there – holding her hand and going through everything with her. But he wasn't.

Evan was dead.

And now she was having their baby, a baby Evan never knew about. She was going to have to raise him or her alone.

Stop that! Violet berated herself. She wasn't going to be alone–her family, her friends, and her teammates would be there for her and the baby every step of the way. They'd all told her as much from the moment they found out. Her baby would be surrounded by so much love they won't know anything else.

She just hoped Dennis and Julie would fall into those ranks as well.

Violet plastered a smile on her face as she saw them approaching the table. Here goes nothing.

She stood as they arrived and greeted them with hugs. "Hi! Thanks for meeting me."

"Of course," Dennis said. He moved aside to let Julie get a hug.

"Even if it has been a while since we heard from you," Julie teased as she released Violet from her hug.

Violet grimaced slightly as they all sat down at the table. "I know, I'm sorry. Things have just been a little crazy the past few weeks."

That's putting it mildly, she thought as she smiled at the waiter as he arrived to take their order. Once he left to get their drinks, the conversation between the trio started up again.

"So how are you?" Julie asked. "You sounded a little off on the phone."

"About that," Violet started, only to be interrupted by the waiter returning with their drinks.

He left once again a few moments later, taking their orders to the kitchen. Violet watched him leave then looked across the table to find Evan's parents staring back at her expectantly.

"You were saying?" Julie asked gently.

"There was something I wanted to talk to you guys about." Violet started before pausing again. She was almost at the point of no return—once Dennis and Julie knew about the baby there was no going back. She could keep the news to herself for a little while longer, give in to that anxious voice in her head telling her to make something up, but Violet knew she needed to tell them. Taking a deep breath to steel herself, Violet broke the news before she could chicken out. "I'm pregnant."

Dennis choked on the sip of water he'd just taken and sputtered water all over the table. Julie smacked his back to help with the coughing, but the shock on her face was just as evident. Violet just stared at them nervously as the coughing continued until finally, after a few minutes, Dennis calmed.

Red-faced and out of breath, Dennis looked at Violet. "Come again?"

"I'm pregnant…about seven weeks," Violet said quietly. Tears welled in her eyes as she looked at Evan's parents. "You're going to be grandparents."

Dennis and Julie were silent, thoughts and emotions running rampant through their minds. When Violet invited them out to breakfast to talk, they didn't think much about it. Both parties had made it a point to have regular meetups since Evan's passing and they figured this was just another one of those meetups. Just from Violet's body language when they arrived, Julie suspected something was up with the younger woman, but she never expected this.

Julie had always wanted to be a grandmother; she just never imagined she'd lose a child before gaining a grandchild.

"You're sure?" Julie asked gently.

Violet nodded. "The hospital ran the test twice."

Evan's parents both let out a breath and sat back in their chairs. The table was silent for a moment as they absorbed the news Violet had just given them. Dennis grabbed one of Julie's hands and gave it a comforting squeeze, and they shared a look, but neither said anything.

"I'm so sorry for springing this on you so suddenly," Violet began rambling, mistaking their silence for anger or disappointment. "And I know it's a lot…. I've been trying to wrap my head around everything for a few weeks, but I knew you two needed to know."

"Violet, sweetheart, we're not upset," Julie said quickly. She reached across the table and grabbed Violet's hand. "This was just a shock."

Violet sighed in relief and nodded, sinking back in her chair.

Julie continued. "How are you feeling about this?"

"It's been a lot," Violet confessed. "This was the last thing I expected to happen."

Julie nodded understandingly. "I can't even imagine how overwhelming all of this is for you, but I want you to know that we will be there for you every step of the way."

Dennis nodded, wholeheartedly agreeing with his wife's statement.

Tears flooded Violet's eyes and she sniffled, a watery smile spreading across her face. This was the reaction she'd been hoping for—one of unwavering support from Evan's parents. Her baby wouldn't have their father in their life but knowing that their father's parents would be helped soothe some of the ache in Violet's heart.

… … …

Violet thought things would be different once everyone knew about the baby. Evan's parents were the last ones she needed to tell about the baby and their reactions had been better than she imagined. Everyone had reacted better to the news than she thought they would—her family, friends, teammates, and even her superiors.

She expected to feel better now that the news was out and there were no more secrets.

But she didn't.

The people around her were incredibly supportive and understanding of the situation but they didn't look at her with pity, something she appreciated more than she could put into words, and Chloe Cruz and Cindy Herrmann gave her all the tips to help with her nausea and all things early pregnancy. It was great and wonderful and Violet was thankful, but she was also overwhelmed.

Violet loved being in control—she thrived with control—yet everything in her life over the past few months had been out of her control. Department rules had her hiding her relationship with Evan and her forced partnership with Emma had her walking on eggshells. Then DC Hill transferred Evan to another district and just when they could finally go public with their relationship, Evan was snatched away from her forever.

And now she was pregnant.

She tried to be excited for the baby, but it was a struggle. Each week that passed, every pregnancy milestone, appointment, and ultrasound brought joy and anticipation but also a new wave of grief. Violet tried to feel both, give herself the time and space to feel both emotions, but grief always won. She was tired of it and all of her pent-up feelings eventually spilled out.

Violet climbed in the car and slammed the door behind her. She stared at the sonogram pictures in her hands with tears in her eyes and Sylvie climbed into the drivers seat. Sylvie had volunteered to go to Violet's 12 week appointment with her since her parents and Evan's weren't available.

Her friends and family had made a pact that Violet would never have to go to any appointment or ultrasound alone. Violet was only two appointments into her pregnancy, but they'd stuck to their word.

Sylvie looked over at Violet and noticed the tears. "You okay?"

That was all that needed to be said before the sobs started. Violet cried for several minutes and Sylvie was lost at what to do and how to help her. She ended up just wrapping the younger woman in her arms, hugging her across the car's center console.

Once Violet had calmed down, Sylvie handed her a tissue. "Wanna tell me what that was about?" she asked gently.

Violet sighed, keeping her eyes on the sonogram pictures on her lap. "I want to be happy about this baby Sylvie, but…"

"It's hard while you're still grieving Evan," Sylvie guessed.

"He should be here," Violet sniffled. "He should be the one coming to all my appointments with me. Evan would've been the best father, but he was ripped away from us."

Violet was quiet for a moment, still staring at the pictures on her lap, before finally making eye contact with Sylvie. "How am I supposed to do this?"

"I don't know," Sylvie said after a few seconds of silence. "But Violet, you are allowed to feel both. You can grieve Evan and mourn the future you could've had, and you can be happy and excited about this baby. He or she is a little piece of Evan you'll always have, one last gift he left for you."

"But if you're not excited about the baby right now, that's OK too. There's no rulebook for how to act in situations like this. If you need to focus on grieving and healing, do that—get yourself in a better place mentally and emotionally so you can be excited about the baby."

"That doesn't make me a bad mom?" Violet asked quietly.

Sylvie's heart broke for her friend. "Absolutely not."

The blonde reached back across the console and wrapped Violet in another hug. She whispered in her ear. "You're going to be the best mom. You already are. I'm proud of you and I know Evan would be too."

Violet squeezed Sylvie tighter before letting her go. Tears were still in her eyes but there was a small, genuine smile on her face. "Thank you."

That day had been a turning point for Violet. She started seeing a therapist and working through her grief and all the changes in her life. Slowly but surely, things began to get better.

There were still days, weeks even, when the grief of losing Evan would hit Violet like a truck but most days the ever-present loss of Evan and the growing excitement for the baby could co-exist. If she was honest, she'd been too busy with the newest change in her life to focus on either end of the spectrum.

She was moving.

Her studio apartment had served her well but with a baby on the way she needed more room. Violet had mentioned it in passing to her friends and teammates and during one of her lunches with Evan's parents but other than looking up listings on Zillow, the new apartment was just another thing on her to-do list. That was until Dennis and Julie stopped by one afternoon with some news.

To take their time going through and cleaning out Evan's apartment, his parents had been paying rent for the past few months. The manager at the complex had been incredibly understanding of the situation but as time moved on, he'd started asking about a timeframe. Instead of terminating the lease Evan had signed, Julie asked the manager if Violet could take it over.

Violet wasn't sure at first but the more she thought about it, the more it made sense. Evan's apartment was big enough for her and the baby, it was within her price range, and it was Evan's.

It took a few days, but Violet was able to take over the lease for Evan's apartment and with everyone lending a hand, she was moved in and settled after just a few days. The move was bittersweet; when Violet pictured herself moving into Evan's apartment, she always figured Evan would be there, helping her get things settled and probably arguing over closet and drawer space. Instead, she was walking the familiar halls alone—no Evan, just her and their baby.

Evan's presence was still in the apartment—in the furniture his parents hadn't gotten rid of yet, in the pictures that littered the walls and tables, and in the handful of his clothing that Violet hadn't been able to part with. It wasn't a replacement for Evan, but that void would never be filled.

However as Violet hugged Evan's pillow (which miraculously still smelled like him) and felt the baby move for the first time, she finally allowed herself to start to believe that everything would be ok.

… … …

Between the move and shift after shift of back-to-back and nonstop calls, the next several weeks of Violet's pregnancy flew by and before she knew it, she was at the halfway point.

She'd started showing, not much thanks to her tall frame, but enough that she had to get new pants. The baby was incredibly active all the time, especially when Violet was out on a call or in the ambulance—truly the child of two paramedics—and as she was getting closer to her scheduled anatomy scan, Brett was chomping at the bit to throw a gender reveal party.

Violet had been hesitant at first. The idea of standing by herself as the balloons or confetti fell made Violet sad; it would serve as yet another reminder that Evan should be there but wouldn't. Brett understood her hesitations and said she'd keep it very small and lowkey but promised to forgo the party if Violet really wanted her to. In the end, Violet agreed to a small party.

A few days after the baby got a perfect bill of health from the ultrasound and Brett got the gender in an envelope, Violet, her friends, and Evan's parents gathered on the patio at Molly's. Everyone's eyes were trained on the twinkle lights strung across the ceiling. Brett had rigged them to change colors (blue for boy, red for girl) with the flip of a switch. When everyone was ready, they surrounded Violet and counted down.

3, 2, 1…

The lights changed colors and tears filled Violet's eyes. Cheers reverberated around her as the previously white lights were now shining bright blue.

She was having a boy. Her own mini Evan.

A/N: baby hawkami is a boy! He does already have a name, one I think is PERFECT for him, and there's a tiny hint as to what it is in this chapter. Can you find it?