Note - This chapter is a little dark and possibly triggering so please approach with a little caution.
Whoever coined the phrase 'Patience is a virtue' clearly hadn't ever met Elizabeth Adams. It wasn't a concept she was overly familiar with. She had an innate force within her, always propelling her towards the unknown. And it had been that way since day one.
Elizabeth had arrived 12 days before her due date, catching her parents completely off guard and almost entering the world in the back of her fathers Ford Mustang, which according to the story her mother had told her many times, scared him more than impending fatherhood. And from that day on, she had been in a hurry.
Suzanne — Elizabeth's mother, had been somewhat stunned when her baby girl had bypassed crawling altogether and just pulled herself up and started walking one day. And that was just the first in a long line of occurrences that set Elizabeth aside from others.
When she was just 4 years old, she had been so desperate to ride the shiny red bike Santa had brought her for Christmas, that when her father had been busy working and her mother was taking care of her baby brother, Elizabeth took herself off and 2 hours and several knee scrapes later, had it mastered.
The constant hunting for Christmas and birthday presents, taking cookies before they had cooled, insatiable thirst for knowledge and general need to grow up before she was ready had earned her the nickname 'Little Miss Antsy Pants' which Will had taunted her with mercilessly. She wasn't good at remaining still for too long and when she set her mind on something — She wanted it to happen immediately.
When her parents had passed away, the need to keep her brain ticking over progressed into what almost became a compulsion. It was as if she were trying to get a few steps ahead of life before it happened so she could prepare herself or even prevent the bad stuff before it ever had a chance to catch her. Her brain worked in a way totally unique to everyone else she knew. Always strategizing and analysing everything.
Most people in her life had seen it as a character flaw, especially during her time at college. She was viewed as being difficult and antagonistic by her professors because she constantly craved work that would push her and wasn't scared to question things. Her peers just saw her as weird and nerdy. She didn't know where she fitted in the grand scheme of things at all.
And then Conrad Dalton had breezed into her life, astounded by her forward thinking and had convinced her that he could train her to use everything she possessed to her advantage — and that of the CIA of course. She'd never had any particular aspirations of becoming, what could only be classed as a spy. But as soon as she began to embrace the way she was rather than try and stifle it — That's when she began to find her place in the world.
The scouting mission had been a great success and Elizabeth's hunch had been spot on. They had him. He was right there within their grasp. And yet, for almost three weeks, they had been observing him, tracking his movements, doing everything but actually bringing him in.
Elizabeth rolled her shirt sleeves up and leaned back against her desk, pinching the bridge of her nose to try and get a grasp of the conversation.
"Please explain to me — Again, why Hassan Amari is still not in our custody? Speak to me in Lehman's terms if you need to — But please get me to understand."
"Elizabeth! We've been over this again and again." Henry threw his glasses onto the desk in frustration "One moment of patience can ward off great disaster."
Elizabeth glared at him "I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to him." She pointed across to Rodriguez "And I swear to god if you quote one more saint Henry I'm going to bury you in the sand."
"It's actually a Chinese proverb, not a quote but —-" Her intense glare was enough to make him rethink that particular sentence.
"Ma'am, If we rush in all guns blazing, so to speak, we could blow the whole operation."
"And the longer we leave it the more chance we have of alerting him to our presence and sending him underground for good. I'm sure I don't need to tell you how catastrophic that would be."
"I don't want to risk that any more than you do ma'am, we just have to make sure it's the right time." Rodriguez was warming to Elizabeth and could see her point of view. She was a woman of action and he admired that about her.
"We've waited long enough and I'm sick of procrastinating. I refuse to sit around and wait for him to murder more innocent children. I was sent here to do a job so I'm damn well going to do it — I'm bringing him in myself."
"I would strongly advise against that. —" Rodriguez approached her "It's a risk not worth taking."
"That's my call Corporal. I want to get a read on him before we bring him in. It's what I'm here for."
"With all due respect ma'am, you're here to conduct interrogations not go into the field."
"I think you may have misunderstood me Corporal. I'm not asking you — I'm telling you! I'm bringing him in."
Rodriguez stood silent and then offered her a curt nod "Sure thing ma'am, I'll get on it."
Elizabeth could feel Henry's eyes boring into her and was grateful in that moment for the bustle of people milling about. She perched on the edge of his desk and started fiddling with the stapler.
"It's my job! It's what I'm here to do."
"I didn't say anything Elizabeth."
"But you want to say something."
"I want to go and do some reading before tomorrow, So if you'll excuse me." Henry gathered his glasses and the pile of books that were on his desk and walked away, leaving Elizabeth utterly confused.
They had definitely been getting closer the more time they spent together, so his reaction didn't really make any sense to her. He was either really good at hiding how he felt, which she didn't think he was. Or, he no longer had any kind of feelings for her at all. That's what she'd asked him for, to keep at a distance. To be her friend and no more. So why did it feel so awful now that he was.
Henry was brooding. Of course he had a lot he wanted to say to her, but what was the point. She wasn't going to listen to him. She clearly didn't want or value his opinion in the way he thought she did and as she so eloquently kept pointing out — It was her job.
When he caught the sound of heavy boots scuffing through the mixture of sand and gravel, he knew it was Elizabeth. She had an annoying habit of dragging her feet along the ground rather than lifting them when she walked, almost like a toddler whose shoes were too big. He'd pointed out several times that the soles would wear down far quicker like that and she was kicking up little dust clouds everywhere she went. Her response was a half hearted shrug and a huffed comment about not needing lessons in how to walk, she'd been doing it for a long time.
He quickly grabbed a book and laid it in his lap. The last thing he wanted right now was to have yet another discussion about how they were never going to be anything more than colleagues. He'd definitely heard that enough.
"Hey McCord, Can I come in?"
"No." He tried to be nonchalant but wasn't sure she was even listening.
Just as he thought she would, Elizabeth breezed in and sat at the foot of his bed. "Can we talk?"
"I'm busy reading."
"No you're not." The little lopsided smirk of hers annoyed him so much.
Henry looked up and frowned at her "Yes I am so if you don't mind —"
"The book's upside down Henry which means you're either really clever or you're telling me lies. Not to mention the fact you aren't wearing your glasses and I know for a fact you can't see the words without them. So, What gives?"
He threw the book down with an annoyed huff at his faux pas "There's nothing to talk about. You've made a decision and it's not my business soo…. Good talk. Goodnight Elizabeth."
"I thought we were friends. Friends talk to each other! So, the fact that you don't wish to talk to me must mean that you no longer have a desire to be my friend either." Her voice was calm yet held a troubled undertone.
"I didn't notice you talking to me before you decided to put your life at risk when you don't need to. Where was that particular discussion Elizabeth?"
"I know what I'm doing Henry. I'll be fine."
Henry leaned over his knees and sighed "You don't know that. We're in Baghdad Elizabeth, not Virginia.
"We'll be in and out — Quick as a flash with minimal mess." She snorted "A bit like the first guy I had sex with actually."
Henry couldn't help the laugh that escaped him which caused Elizabeth to laugh right along with him.
"Really Elizabeth. Did you really need to share that with me?" Henry rolled his eyes but couldn't help his smirk.
"He was quick to start and just as quick to finish and I hadn't even got going! I guess with it being my first time and all he was betting on the fact I had nothing to compare it to…. So quite literally in and out - Job done"
They both looked at each other and burst out laughing again. A sound Henry was thrilled to hear again. And then the moment passed and he remembered what Elizabeth was about to do.
"Why do you want to do it? — Explain it to me" His expression sobered.
"Because it's my Job. Because it doesn't feel right sitting behind a desk giving orders if I'm not prepared to put myself on the line too," Elizabeth lifted her foot onto her opposite knee and started picking the gravel from the tread of her boots.
Henry shook his head "Look at the state of them. That's what dragging your feet does."
"Would you shut up about my boots - Jeez." She nudged his knee with her hand "I'll be fine Henry."
"I don't want you to go in, I can't stand the thought of it."
"Why? I'm a big girl and I can handle myself. You've seen my boxing moves."
Henry pushed himself off the bed and paced "Stop it — Just stop it please."
"Henry —"
"You're putting on this blasé attitude and I honestly don't know who you're trying to convince — Me or yourself."
"I just need to do this Henry. Try and understand."
"If you go in there and something happens to you, I can't cope with that." His shoulders hunched in a defeated shrug "I'm in love with you and you have no interest or any recognition of my emotions. You have no feelings for me other than persistent annoyance."
"Hang on a second! Who said I don't have any feelings? I never said that."
"I really do have some reading to catch up on and you should get some rest — Please go"
Elizabeth got up and moved towards Henry "Who said I don't have any feelings? Come on, you clearly think you have a better read on my emotions than I do — So tell me?"
"Your actions speak for themselves Elizabeth."
"I'm station chief Henry. I have to maintain a reputation. I have to stay focussed and impartial and if it got out that we were engaging in — non work related activities — It would make things very difficult for me. This is my career."
"There haven't been any non-work related activities Elizabeth! You've made it perfectly clear that I am nothing more than your colleague. And what does your precious career mean for everything else in your life? It all falls by the wayside so you can maintain a reputation."
"That's not fair Henry. I just need to figure things out in my head."
"You keep me at arms length and make it abundantly clear that you don't want me and yet I'm supposed to believe you have feelings for me. Just make up your mind Elizabeth —"
Elizabeth closed the gap between them and looked up at him. Her hand slid up his chest and gripped his neck, her fingers messing with the hair just above his collar. Her smile was mischievous yet adorable and he never could work out how she did that. It all seemed to happen in slow motion. Her lips met his in the softest of touches, tentatively testing the waters before she dared go further.
In the pause of no more than a heartbeat, she took his bottom lip between hers and sucked — gently at first but when Henry opened his mouth ever so slightly, she took it as an invitation to go deeper.
Henry wrapped his arms around her body and for the first time, he could really feel how much weight she'd lost. She was so tiny yet so strong all at the same time. Her own arms wrapped around his shoulders and they eased into the kiss. It was like the last eight months hadn't happened. Everything felt so natural and fluid.
When Henry sucked on her tongue as she moved it against his, she let out a soft moan. Not loud enough for anyone who may be passing to hear, but enough to let Henry know how present she was. She had dreamt of this kiss so often and now it was finally happening.
When they parted, Elizabeth's eyes flickered with a million shades of blue and her lips curved into a bashful smile. "Decisive enough for you?"
He was still holding her tightly as she tilted her head back to look at him and it took his breath away "God I've missed you Elizabeth, but what does this mean?" I can't keep going back and forth."
She smoothed the pad of her thumb over his cheek "It means we'll work it out when I've got that bastard in custody — Okay?"
"You just get back to me safely, you hear me?"
Elizabeth kissed him again, this time with a bit more passion and then prised herself from his arms "I'm gonna go and get some sleep but don't ever doubt I have feelings for you Henry. I have lots of them, and yes, annoyance is definitely one of them." With a cheeky wink, she turned on her heels and left.
Henry watched her scuff her feet as she walked away and couldn't stop himself smiling. He lay on his bed with his fingers clasped behind his head and glanced upwards "Watch over her okay mum?— Keep her safe. She's my life."
Elizabeth was terrified. She hadn't given any credence to it up until now, but it was rising up inside her like a silent assassin. Seeping into every pore, every thought and every last chasm of her being. The tiny droplets of perspiration felt cold and clammy against her forehead and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get any moisture to remain in her mouth. A throng of goosebumps erupted across her skin as her stomach flipped over and over. A shakey breath escaped her lips as she tried to focus.
The team was small. Her, Rodriguez, sprout and five others who for the life of her, she couldn't remember the names of. She shook her head and muttered to herself "For god sake Elizabeth — You should know their names."
"Ma'am, are you okay ma'am?" She turned her head to the side and looked at sprout. She wasn't sure whether it was a smile or grimace that crossed his face, but either way, the terror in his eyes matched hers.
"I'm fine Private. You doing okay?" She knew he wasn't. She could see he wasn't — But what else could she say at that moment.
"Ready and able ma'am." This time it was definitely a smile, albeit a rather strained one "I've got your back."
"And I've got yours." She mirrored his smile and then turned to Rodriguez "Ready?"
Rodriguez looked around, held 2 fingers up and motioned forward and with a final nod — they moved in.
It was just as they had anticipated. Amari's henchmen were absent and there were very few people in the room. Elizabeth noticed a boy, maybe 12 or 13 crouching in the corner. "Don't be frightened, we won't hurt you." She trawled her brain for the Arabic "La takhaf — ln nawdhik."
As her eyes scanned the room, Elizabeth caught sight of Hassan Amari. He was surrounded by three — maybe four scantily clad women who were now screaming and attempting to scrabble away. Her mind cleared and all fear suddenly evaporated. This was the guy she had been tracking for months. The guy who had been responsible for the death of so many innocent children. He was right there in front of her and as she approached him and looked into his eyes, his soleless expression made her blood run cold.
"I'd like to talk to you — Awadu altahaduth maeak Hassan."
Amari's steely gaze locked on hers "Adhhab 'iilaa aljahim — Got to hell " He spat at her feet and she shook her head.
"Now that's not very nice." She signalled to Rodriguez "Get him out of here."
With his hands shackled behind his back, Amari was led from the room while Rodriguez scoured the perimeter .
"Let's get out of here ma'am — We got him."
Elizabeth moved towards the door but hesitated. The boy in the corner was still huddled, gripping his knees and muttering something incomprehensible. There was an ache in her stomach, a gnawing. Who was he and why was he there. Would he be okay? And what the hell kind of life was this for a child.
She approached him slowly so as not to startle him, her hands held up in front of her "I won't hurt you — What's your name? Ma hu aismak?"
The boy shook his head, clearly distrusting of the American who had just invaded his space.
"Ma'am —?" Private Lawrence was standing by her side "It's time to go ma'am."
She nodded but her gaze didn't divert from the young lad who looked so lost. He was the same age as Will would have been when he'd had to witness their parents die at the side of the road, all alone.
"Why is it always the kids who get caught up in the evil of the world. It's not fair." Elizabeth looked at the boy one last time "Kuna qawiaan - Stay strong."
Elizabeth moved backward and smiled at the boy before turning her body to move towards the door. As she turned, he uncurled from the fetal position he'd been in and lunged at Elizabeth shouting "Alhamd lilah — Alhamd lilah — Alhamd lilah.
Private Lawrence put his body between her and the boy "Get down ma'am."
Elizabeth fell to the floor and private Lawrence jolted backwards as 3 shots ricocheted around the room. Rodriguez ran through the door and took the boy out with one fatal shot.
Elizabeth scurried to her knees and leaned over sprout, pressing her hands against the wounds. Blood was pouring from both his neck and chest simultaneously and there was too much of it for her to contain.
"Noah — I've got you. Just stay still. — Oh god —We'll get you out of here."
Rodriguez knelt down beside her "Ma'am —"
"Do something — Help him — I promised him — Fuck there's so much blood."
He looked at Lawrence and shook his head "He's gone ma'am, there's nothing I can do."
Her hand was still trying to stem the bleeding from his neck as Rodriguez tugged at her arm. "We need to get you out of here."
She glanced across and caught sight of the boy laying in a crumpled heap, devoid of life.
"Is he —?"
"Yes ma'am."
Elizabeth could barely get air into her lungs. It had all happened so fast and her head was spinning. Why didn't she just leave as soon as they had Amari. Why did she have to try and engage with a terrified and traumatised boy. Why could she never stop pushing.
As she was pulled from the room, barely able to walk, she looked at the devastation, a sight she was pretty sure would haunt her for the rest of her life and shuddered —
"Oh god — What have I done."