The rhythmic cadence of the strip lights buzzing overhead was almost mesmeric. The soft hum pulsing through her ears like a metronome, matching the thrum of her own heartbeat. It was gentle and serene, but as she glanced around the room, she felt anything but.

Elizabeth was perched on the edge of a bed in what she presumed to be the medical bay, but having never been in there before, she couldn't be certain. She felt disoriented, as if she were trapped underwater and nothing made sense. She was overcome with lethargy and no matter how hard she tried, she was unable to unscramble the thoughts in her head. Almost like a dense fog had settled and she couldn't find her way out of it.

There were people around her, that much she was aware of, but everything was flashing past her in a blur of colour and muffled noise. She strained to hear what was being said, to silence the incessant buzzing in her brain for long enough to focus on the words being spoken, but it was like trying to listen through a brick wall.

"Elizabeth? — Talk to me." Henry had convinced the doctor that Elizabeth would probably benefit from a friendly face. But honestly. He didn't want to let her out of his sight.

She tilted her head to the left to try and determine the source of the voice and as her eyes focussed on Henry it was as if a hypnotist had snapped his fingers and she was back in the room.

"I'm sorry— I missed what you said." Her voice was low and laced with unease, and although the fog was lifting, she was still struggling to focus.

"Dr Curtis needs to check you over." Henry's voice was calm and familiar. Drawing her out of herself. "To make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine —I don't need a doctor." She tried to get up but felt hands on her, holding her still.

"Ma'am — I really must insist. There is an awful lot of blood and I need to make sure you don't have any injuries — Please sit still."

Elizabeth looked down at herself. Her clothes were crimson from her chest down to her knees and as her eyes skimmed her body, she noticed her hands. Her eyes grew large as she studied them. Turning them back and forth. Clenching her fists and then opening them up again in the hope her palms would be clean.

"It's not mine —" She swallowed thickly and then her shoulders hunched as she lurched forward, vomiting all over the floor.

Henry stepped back and placed his hand between her shoulder blades, gently rubbing while she continued to wretch. "Ohhhkay — It's all good."

"Ohhhh god — I'm so sorry." She wiped her mouth with her upper arm. "That wasn't pleasant. I'm sorry - I'm so sorry."

Dr Curtis offered her a sympathetic smile "It's perfectly alright ma'am, I've seen worse." She glanced at Henry and then back at Elizabeth and lowered her voice a little. "I need to ask you to remove your outer garments so that I can examine you properly. Would that be okay ma'am?"

"Is that really necessary? I told you I'm perfectly fine — I'm just tired."

"I'd rather be sure of that myself ma'am."

Elizabeth sighed and lifted her foot to unlace her boot, but as she did so, a concerned expression crossed her face "I've got blood on my boots." And as she looked down again, her concern grew "And my clothes — I need to get it out of my clothes. How do I do that?"

"Don't worry about that now ma'am. I'll get you a gown and we'll take it from there."

Elizabeth looked over at Dr Curtis who was retrieving a cloth gown from one of the drawers "I need to take a shower — There's blood on my hands — There's blood everywhere. — I tried to stop it but there was just too much. I tried but I couldn't help him. Why couldn't I do something? I need to do something…." Her breathing was shallow and she was becoming far more agitated.

Henry placed his hand on her shoulder but she flinched and pulled away.

"Ma'am, I need you to take some deep breaths for me. Can you do that?" Dr Curtis looked over at Henry "Dr McCord - You need to leave."

"I really think she needs someone familiar to stay with her. I want to help." Henry tried to protest. He didn't want to leave her for one second.

"I need to examine her and right now you are getting in the way of me doing my job, so I must insist you leave."

Henry and Dr Curtis exchanged looks and finally he shook his head in defeat. "I'll go and get a coffee." His focus turned to Elizabeth. "Is there anything you need? I can wait around if you need someone to talk to? I'm more than happy —"

She looked at him with a rather vacant expression and shook her head, cutting him off "I'd rather be left alone if you don't mind."

Henry's heart ached. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and tell her how much he loved her. She needed to know and understand that she wasn't alone but he was powerless. Their nondescript relationship was a secret, even to them it seemed, so he had to just follow her lead. And if she didn't need him, then he had no choice but to wait until she did.

"Of course — I'll leave you to it." Henry left her in the capable hands of the doctor, wishing they were his hands instead.

With a clean bill of heath, a clean body and a clean set of clothes, Elizabeth retreated to the comfort of her bed. The bright lights of the medical room had given her the beginnings of a migraine and she couldn't bring herself to answer one more damn question. Her brain was a mass of white noise and now that the adrenaline had subsided, exhaustion was beginning to take over.

She allowed her pillow to take the weight of her head as she stared at the ceiling. All she wanted to do was close her eyes and shut off the nightmare she was stuck in. But the more she tried to relinquish, the more her brain refused.

Her mind wandered back to a particularly heated exchange she'd had with her brother a few years earlier. She had always believed that her parents had died instantly in the car wreck — But Will's version of events had left her confused and devastated by what her little brother had been through. And guilt ridden that she hadn't been there.

They had shed tears together as Will recalled watching helplessly as their mother slipped away, unequipped to help her. At the time, Elizabeth struggled to comprehend his feelings of self reproach. He was 13 years old and there was nothing he could do. Carrying around guilt over something he had no control over made little sense to her.

But, as visions of Noah filled her head, she finally got it. She could finally understand why Will had struggled so deeply and for so long. What if she had been better equipped to help Noah. What if she had been quicker or more efficient is stemming the bleeding. What if she hadn't been so fucking stupid in the first place.

As Elizabeth's brain began to shut down and sleep take over, there was only one thought left in her mind — What if!

Henry didn't know what to do with himself. The woman he loved had very nearly gotten herself killed and he was supposed to just carry on as normal. He had so many thoughts churning inside him, yet he couldn't voice them to anyone. He was stuck in a place where he had no friends, no family and no way out of his own head.

Every part of him wanted to be with Elizabeth. To hold her and comfort her and do anything he could to take her pain away. If he could have put her on the next plane back home he would have. But instead, he had to choke down his own feelings and stand there, looking at her covered in blood that could so easily have been hers and say nothing. Do nothing. It was torturous.

The more he replayed it in his head, the more plagued by guilt he became. The death of private Lawrence was a tragedy but all he could feel was relief that it wasn't Elizabeth. Was that just a normal reaction or was he less of a man than he believed himself to be. What he wouldn't give for a glass or five of scotch right now.

Clutching his mother's bible and a Lukewarm coffee — Henry trudged across the gravel to find somewhere quiet to sit. He wanted to be out in the fresh air in a vain attempt to clear his head, The early hour holding a peace that he hoped would seep into him somehow. Sitting himself down on a pile of sandbags, Henry whispered a prayer.

Lord.

Please watch over Elizabeth with your comfort, love and care.

I give her over to you and ask that you guide her through her grief and suffering and allow her to find peace within herself.

I pray that I can be a light for her and allow your goodness to shine through my words, thoughts and actions.

I place my faith and trust in you and I pray for strength as I travel this path alongside her.

She is my life, my love, my everything. Please keep her safe.

Amen

As he let the silence surround him, the distant sounds of boots in the gravel made his heart leap. Maybe he would get to hold her after all. Maybe she had changed her mind and wanted to be in his arms. He looked over his shoulder and the disappointment hit him like a steam train.

"Hey Doc — Thought you could use one of these." Rodriguez handed him a beer "Mind if I join you?"

Henry inwardly sighed. After everything that had happened and all that he was battling with, this guy was the very last person he wanted to deal with. He would no doubt have something derogatory to say about Elizabeth and he didn't trust himself not to lay the joker out.. That said, Rodriguez had just witnessed a friend die and he'd got Elizabeth out of there alive so compassion was required.

"Sure" — Henry took the beer and nodded his thanks.

"Do you think it will work?" Rodriguez pointed to the bible "Praying — Do you truly believe in it?"

"Honestly — I'm not the best person to ask right now. My faith has been tested — A lot."

"I hear ya man — The world is too fucked up to really believe in anything anymore."

They both swigged their beer and sat in silence for a while, each weighed down by their own thoughts.

"What's your name Corporal?" Henry was finding the company far more agreeable than he'd first anticipated. "I'm sorry I've never asked."

"Dylan " He laughed and shook his head "Doesn't really go, right?! My mom had a real thing about Bob Dylan and I got stuck with it."

"I'm Henry —" He leaned over and shook Dylan's hand "And it could have been worse! You could have ended up being named Elvis or something."

Rodriguez picked at the label on the beer bottle. "So, You were a marine, right?"

Henry nodded "Seems like another lifetime now, but yes I was."

"Why did you leave?"

"Because it was never my passion. It got me through college and I was proud to serve my country. But academia is where my heart lies. I love to teach."

Rodriguez looked over at Henry with a rather somber expression. "Did you ever kill anyone?"

Henry let out a long sigh and cleared his throat "Yeah I did — But I was a pilot. I've never had to pull the trigger with someone directly in front of me. That's a whole different thing."

"How do you live with it? I mean, I know it's what we are trained for and it's part and parcel of wearing the uniform and all, but — It don't sit right with me man."

"You just learn to keep it locked away so you can move forwards. It's always there and you don't ever forget it — But you can't let it destroy you."

Rodriguez buried his head in his hands "He was just a kid! How can that be right? How can I be forgiven or forgive myself for that? He was just a kid." The muffled sobs disturbed the silence between them.

Henry was now seeing a side to Rodriguez that he hadn't been expecting. There was a humility that he had certainly kept well hidden and he really felt for the guy. Maybe all his bravado covered up the same fear and insecurities that everyone else carried.

Henry allowed Rodriguez to outpour his emotions. He'd done it himself while serving and knew the importance it held.

"I'm sorry! You must think I'm so weak. Don't tell anyone about this."

"There's nothing to tell and you're certainly not weak, you're just human."

"I messed up — I shot on instinct and I don't know if it was the right call."

"Hindsight is a wonderful thing! You were doing your job — You saved Elizabeth's life. He could easily have carried on shooting but you did what you had to do. "

"If I'd have been doing my job he would never have opened fire in the first place— I should have checked for weapons." He looked at Henry, eyes all red and bloodshot from the tears "Lawrence saved her life. He was always so unsure and nervous yet he stepped up when it counted. He was braver than I'll ever be."

"Bravery comes in many different guises, Dylan. It can't be measured by actions alone."

"But actions are what count Doc and I'm not sure I can live with mine."

Henry had been where Dylan was many times over. The feelings of regret, guilt and inadequacy and he could truly sympathise.

"Confucius once said — "By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest." —" Henry gently slapped Dylan on the back "Life is a constant learning curve — You just have to try and make it through as unscathed as possible."

Rodriguez sniffed and cleaned his nose with the back of his hand "Don't let the chief hear you — She'll bury you in the sand, along with your quotes."

Henry huffed out a laugh "Yeah, She probably would too."

"Is she doing okay? The chief — I mean, she's not hurt or anything?"

"I don't think so. I know as much as you do" Henry kept his words insouciant, although it was far from how he felt.

Rodriguez shook his head and laughed "She's a tough cookie that one. Got real strong convictions and sticks to them. I really admire that." He thought carefully about his words for a second and then proceeded "I can see why you like her doc — You two make a good couple."

Henry's brow furrowed at the comment "I'm not sure what you're implying Corporal but I can assure you that Elizabeth and I are just colleagues."

"You know, for two super intelligent people like yourself and the chief — You're a bit naive if you think people can't see the chemistry between you."

"You're out of line Corporal —"

Rodriguez got to his feet and lifted his hands "Hey — I'm not being disrespectful doc. I was a jerk before and I'm sorry for it. I was wrong about her." He scuffed the ground with the toe of his boot and shrugged "I saw two people die tonight man — If that doesn't warn you to live your best life, nothing will."

"Henry gave him a curt nod "You know where I am if you need to talk things through Dylan— Any time."

'Sure thing doc, I appreciate it. " He walked away and shouted over his shoulder as he went "But maybe it's not me you should be focussing on."

Elizabeth woke up with a start. Her clothes were soaked in sweat and her heart was thumping rapidly in her chest. The darkness of the room was disorienting and it took her a few moments to remember where she was and that she was safe. She was pretty sure she'd been asleep for hours and panic set in, but when she illuminated her watch to check the time, she realised it had only been about an hour since she'd closed her eyes.

She remained still and attempted to drift back off but she could hear laboured breathing mere feet away from where she was laying. She opened her mouth to scream but no sound came out and as she turned her body to get a glimpse of who it was, annoyance took over.

"Henry! Wake up."

Henry was sitting on the floor next to the bed, his head resting against the metal frame, fast asleep.

"HENRY!"

He woke with a jolt and caught sight of a very angry looking Elizabeth.

"Hey — I didn't mean to wake you." His voice had that sleepy drawl to it.

"Then don't sneak into my quarters! What the hell are you doing here?"

"I just needed to —"

She shook her head before he could finish "I don't need you checking up on me. I'm fine — Stop treating me like a damn child. I don't need you or anyone else for that matter." She kept the volume purposely low, but her message was clear in her tone.

He quickly got to his feet. "I wanted to make sure you were ok, I was worried about you." He looked at her and immediately noticed the sweat drenched clothing, her damp hair and beads of sweat on her brow. "I'm here for you Elizabeth.

Elizabeth just stared at him "I don't want you here."

"I could have lost you tonight and that scared me."

"I'm not yours to lose."

"Elizabeth —"

"No! I didn't ask you to be here and I want you to go."

Henry moved towards her but she edged backwards out of bed and away from him.

"Don't shut me out Elizabeth, you can talk to me. Let me be here for you."

Her expression was one he had never seen before. Her eyes were void of all emotion and she was staring through him rather than at him.

"I don't want to talk to you, I don't want you worrying about me and I sure as hell don't want you sitting by my bed."

There were so many things he wanted to say. So many ways he wanted to protect her and make everything better. But she didn't want any of it. She wanted to do everything her way, on her terms and it broke his heart to see it.

"Okay, I'll leave you to get some rest but if you need me you know where I am."

"I won't need you."

Henry was fighting every instinct he had to wrap her in his arms and not let go but all he could do was offer her a smile "I love you Elizabeth."

He waited for a response but she just stared at him, expressionless, emotionless and silent and he had to wonder if that last little flame in her that still loved him had finally gone out for good.