Note - Thank you all for the reviews, i really appreciate them. You know I'm never going to make things straightforward and easy in my stories, right? Lol - Enjoy x
Elizabeth had spent the rest of the day with Greg and Andrew who had helped her get things much straighter in her head and they had made a solid plan. Greg had excitedly proclaimed himself as the perfect birth partner and Lamaze coach and Andrew would be designated driver and personal chef - On hand to make anything Elizabeth craved day or night. They knew it wasn't the perfect fairytale Elizabeth wanted - But there was no way she was going to face this alone. They loved her dearly and as far as they were concerned, she was family and so was her baby.
By the time she made it home, Elizabeth was mentally and physically exhausted. It had been amazing seeing Greg and Andrew again after so long and their company was extremely welcome. But now she had to go back to a cold and empty apartment and she was dreading it.
Elizabeth had gotten pretty used to her own company over the years, mostly down to the fact she had no choice in the matter, and it had never really bothered her. There had been a few christmases and one particularly lonely summer that were hard, but she had toughened up at an early age and even if something did bother her - She sure as hell wasn't going to show it.
She put her car into park and sat there silently in the dark for a while, not really sure why but she couldn't quite make her body move. She ached but not physically. There was a deep rooted feeling of loss that she hadn't felt since her parents death so many years before. She had definitely struggled when Private Lawrence died and the nightmares were still a frequent occurrence, but this feeling was different. This feeling was a loss much deeper and so much worse - Because Henry was still very much alive - And she couldn't have him.
She punched in her building code and wearily made her way up the stairs, grocery bag nestled in the crook of her arm. Pregnancy had certainly brought about a few unwelcome side effects, exhaustion being one of them, and although it was easing a little, by the time she got to the evening, all she really wanted to do was curl up in bed and sleep.
She fished her keys from her bag and suddenly froze as she got near her door.
"Henry! What the hell are you doing here?"
Henry looked up from where he was sitting, the book he'd been reading dropping to the floor "Elizabth! Hi—"
"How long have you been sitting there? And how the hell did you get in?"
Henry glanced at his watch "About 6 hours - Give or take. I thought you may have given me a fake address so I buzzed the very sweet lady next door — I'm sure she said her name was Marjorie — Or maybe it was Mable." Henry thought about that for a second and then carried on "Anyway, she confirmed that you do live here and when I explained who I was, she let me up. Apparently you keep yourself very much to yourself and you should pop in for a coffee and a chat sometime —"
Elizabeth was staring at him "Henry - Stop! Who exactly did you say you were? Actually, don't answer that — Why are you here?"
He got to his feet "I needed to see you - To make sure you're ok."
"Well, as I'm sure your eyes attest to, I'm perfectly fine although I think I need to move to a more secure apartment, so you can go now." She moved past him and opened the door, moving inside and flicking the lights on. She turned to close it but Henry had already followed her inside.
"I don't recall inviting you in." She dropped her handbag to the floor and walked through to the kitchen, dumping the brown paper bag on the side so she could unload the small selection of groceries.
"Elizabeth —" Henry stood there watching her.
"You shouldn't meet too much traffic on your way back if you leave now." She was refusing to look at him.
"Elizabeth! Can you stop what you're doing for a second please?"
"I need to get this stuff put away."
"It can wait."
"No, it can't. Everything needs to be in its place."
Henry moved towards her and put his hands on her shoulders to still her movements and gently turned her to face him "Look at me."
'I can't —" She was staring at the floor, refusing to look up.
"Why not?"
"Because if I do, I think my heart might break in two and I can't let that happen."
Henry looked at her, her hands resting on her bump as if she were shielding herself and the baby from any rejection or hurt that may be coming their way. Elizabeth was glowing - Her skin was flawless, her hair was thick and golden and as much as he shouldn't be looking - Her breasts were definitely fuller than they had been the last time he saw her. Yet he could see past all of that and finally appreciate just how vulnerable she was and it made him sad. Sad that they couldn't have worked it out back in Baghdad, sad that he had missed so much of her pregnancy already and above all, sad that they were still at odds with one another.
"Elizabeth - I'm not here to upset you. That's the very last thing I want to do."
"Then why are you here Henry? You don't need to feel obligated to be here."
"I don't feel obligated. I am here because we need to talk. You turn up at my office door, tell me you're pregnant and then you're gone just as quickly. We need to talk about this."
Elizabeth looked up at him, her eyes glassy with unshed tears, her lip quivering and with just that one look, Henry honestly thought his own heart might break in two.
"It's been a week Henry! A whole week of silence. I waited for you to call and when you didn't — I just assumed that you'd decided to have no part in this. So — If that's what you've come here to tell me then you've had a wasted journey because believe me — I already know."
"How long did you know you were pregnant before you told me?"
"I don't know —"
"A rough figure — A few weeks? A month or two? Longer?"
"I said I don't know Henry."
"I've had a week Elizabeth! A week to try and wrap my head around the fact that I'm going to be a father. I'm pretty quick on the uptake generally but even I needed time to process that."
"You could have called to tell me that Henry."
"You're not listening to me! I needed time to work things out before I could speak to you. You have never understood the impact you have on me, Elizabeth. I can't think straight when I'm around you. Everything gets jumbled up and distorted because all I can think about is you. All I can feel is you and I needed to figure this out on my own without that distraction."
"I get it Henry. You don't want me and you don't want this baby. That's something you could have told me over the phone." She left him standing in the kitchen and padded through to the bedroom "Please close the door on your way out.
Henry followed her "When did I say that?"
"Henry — Please go."
"No! You have this inbuilt reaction to push me away every time you feel threatened by your emotions and I've let you do it, over and over again. I have fed your insecurities by not standing my ground with you and I can't do it anymore. We are stuck in this vicious cycle and it's not healthy for either of us."
"We aren't stuck in anything Henry - There is no us. We had sex, that's all it was, and we were both stupid and irresponsible enough to not use any protection, too caught up in whatever the hell that was - And now my life has changed forever - But yours doesn't have to."
"Can you hear yourself? Do you actually believe anything you're saying or are you just trying to lash out at me enough so I'll walk away? Because if you get me to do that, then you've proved yourself right haven't you Elizabeth."
"What did I say that was inaccurate Henry?"
Henry's frustration was taking hold and he dragged his fingers through his hair "We just had sex? That's what you truly think? For heaven's sake Elizabeth, when will you finally let this hard ass facade slip? I did not just have sex with you. I made love to you because that's how I felt, that's how I've always felt. Yes we were stupid for not taking precautions but do I regret it? Of course not! And if your life has changed forever then maybe you can finally start to grasp what happened to my life when I met you in that bar."
They were standing in her bedroom, eyes firmly locked on each other with Henry's words hanging in the air around them. Elizabeth wasn't sure whether to cry or shout at him - Mixed emotions surging through her in waves. She opened her mouth to speak and was suddenly hit with the worst nausea she'd had in weeks — Grabbing the trash can just in time to empty the contents of her stomach into it - Several times.
Henry immediately rushed to her side, holding her hair and rubbing gentle circles on her back.
Elizabeth shrugged him off "Leave me alone."
Henry's tone was now gentle "I'm sorry - I shouldn't have let my frustration steer the conversation. Are you ok? Can I do anything for you?"
Elizabeth lowered the trash can to the floor and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand "You can leave."
"Elizabeth — Please. I don't want to fight with you."
"I can't do this right now. I'm not feeling well and tearing strips off each other isn't productive."
"You honestly think I'm going to leave you alone like this?"
"I puked - It wasn't the first time and it sure as hell won't be the last. I'm perfectly capable —"
"Of taking care of yourself? Oh yes - I know! But you're pregnant Elizabeth and I'm worried about you."
"Your loyalties are misplaced Henry. Go back to your girlfriend and your settled life and leave me to live mine."
"I'm not going anywhere - Stop being so bloody stubborn." He went to the kitchen and returned with a glass of water "Try and drink this."
She reached for the glass and took a few sips before placing it on the side "I'm honestly fine Henry.. You don't need to worry about me."
"And you think telling me that is going to miraculously stop me from being concerned about you?"
"What exactly do you think you can do to help me, Henry? I'm over 18 weeks along and I've made it this far on my own." She looked at him and could see the hurt in his eyes. It wasn't his fault he hadn't been there, how could he have been when he had no idea their baby even existed.
He nodded "And that's just the way you want it because god forbid you might actually let someone in. You came to me — You told me about this baby and when I come here to talk things through, you push straight back again. You have no idea what the fuck you want and —"
Elizabeth expelled the few sips of water she'd managed, straight into the waiting trash can. When she felt able to speak, she pleaded "I'm begging you Henry - Please go."
Henry was conflicted. He didn't want to leave her alone when she was so sick - But it seemed his presence was causing her a great deal of distress. They hadn't managed to discuss or resolve a single thing and he felt more confused now than he had the week before when she'd first told him.
When he'd gone to see her in the hotel room, Elizabeth was shy and quiet - Admitting that she loved him and seeming to want him in their baby's life - But now it was like she was a completely different person. She didn't want to talk, she was pushing him away again and her feelings seemed more like that of disdain rather than love.
"Okay - I don't want to cause you any more stress or upset so I'll go! But you are going to have to talk to me at some stage, Elizabeth, because we created this baby together and I want to be involved. If you need anything please just call me."
Henry looked at her again, sighed and walked out - Closing the door behind him just as she'd asked.