A/N: So it's been ten years. I have no explanation for dropping this story aside from Life Happened. Am I back? Nope. Will I continue working on this story? Nope.

Last month, I got a review from an unnamed reader who asked if I remembered how this story ended. The thing is… I did. That's the weird part. It's been years since I even thought about this thing but that review made me flip through my old drives and see what I could find. Thank god for cloud storage, yeah? I worked really hard on this thing – I had actual articles linked and a whole ass GRID for the dream world I set up in the latter chapters. I highlighted actual books. I was deep into the story.

And then, life happened. I had to live it.

I might just end up cleaning more stuff up and posting them randomly here. Might be next week, six months, ten years from now. I don't even care if no one else ever reads this story. Sometimes closure happens when no one's looking, right?

So anyway, here's an interlude I wrote ten years ago and cleaned up, well. This morning. No beta, no heavy editing. It is what it is!

Happiness:

Matt was staring at her.

Ana knew he knew how much she disliked being stared at so for a long moment, she forced herself not to react. She stared ahead with narrowed eyes, biting the inside of her cheek with growing discomfort. On the tv screen, Jason Bourne fought viciously against another spy or assassin or assassin spy and she tried to distract herself by closely analyzing the choreography.

I'm not going to react.

He's being annoying and it's not working.

I'm not going to-

"Oh my god, what do you want?" she snapped finally, turning towards her brother who smirked at her in triumph.

"Fifteen seconds!" he crowed, laughing as he pumped his fist in the air. "That's two seconds down from the last time. A new world record, everyone!"

"You are so dumb," she said. She reached out to angrily poke him in his side and he shifted away, still laughing. "I hate you, you giant booger."

"Ooh, fighting words from the big tough-"

She threw a decorative pillow at his head and he yelped, nearly spilling the bowl of chips off his lap.

"Hey, no weapons!"

"No staring!" She reached out to poke him again but he slapped her hand away, holding up the bowl.

"Then no chips for you!"

"I didn't want them anyway, dork." Ana said, settling back to her place on the couch. She stopped fighting the urge to grin and they both looked at each for a moment before bursting into laughter. "You are such a child. You're more of a child than your own child."

Matt shook his head and popped a chip into his mouth before glancing at the tv. "Annoying you will be fun no matter how old I am, baby sis. Besides, you've been MIA so much lately, I need to double the effort just in case you disappear again without anything more than a few texts."

The smile faded from Ana's lips as she heard the note of true concern in her brother's voice and she leaned back, considering him.

It was true; she had been away for longer than expected. The last job with Arthur had run a few days longer due to the need for a new chemist but she still checked in with Matt and Peter and a few of her friends who thought she was using her accrued vacation time for fun and not… Well, criminal acts. Ana knew she was being careless, maybe a little irresponsible but after years of following rules and doing what she felt she had to do…

I'm allowed to have a little fun, aren't I?

She just wasn't sure how long she could justify theft as harmless fun.

Matt looked healthy, she thought. He was doing well, wasn't he? The draft of his book was coming along and there was already chatter about potential tenureship earlier than expected. Maddie was growing up to be a mischievous little delight and Sandra had just gotten promoted. In fact, the two of them were off on a mother-daughter date that day which meant Matt could lounge on the couch and bother Ana.

Her brother should have been in a good place.

But Ana saw the deepening lines around his mouth and eyes, and the growing number of gray strands in his dark hair that perhaps hadn't been there a year ago. She saw the tense set of his shoulders and even as she studied him, he handed her the bowl of chips even though she knew he knew she didn't like them.

This is the only way he feels he can still take care of me.

It had become tradition to watch action thriller movies so Matt could listen to her make fun of the unrealistic fight scenes and he could make fun of her about being far less cool than the characters on the screen. It was their thing; their way to stay connected and unwind and pretend they were still kids for a brief moment in time. For a few short hours, they could pretend to have no responsibilities, no worries and nothing to do except tease each other and eat junk food.

But they'd spent more time apart recently. In part, because Matt was a father now; a fact that still amazed Ana. Her brother - her goofy, lanky brother who had to wear braces for a year longer than she did when they were growing up was now a dad who had a family and a stable career and far less time on his hands.

He always tried to make time for his little sister though. He and Sandra had made sure Ana had a place in their home too. Ana knew he still fretted after her, staying up late if he knew she was working on a case to make sure she got home safely and reminding her to buy groceries or water her plants or a hundred little details that fell by the wayside when Ana got caught up in other things.

They never spent more than a week without seeing one another.

Until Arthur.

Ana had to tell Matt everything, of course. She'd told him Arthur was back, that he was involved in less-than-legal ventures and she was along for the ride. It was a risk to be sure, but the bigger risk was changing her behavior, her patterns, in front of the one person who knew her the best. She didn't want Matt to think less of her but she couldn't bear the thought of keeping her brother in the dark about the important details of her life. And she wanted to make sure he could protect himself and his family; if something happened to her when she was with Arthur, she didn't want Matt to be left behind wondering.

It was always better to know.

But it was clearly taking its toll on him.

"So you're still planning on sticking around for Maddie's birthday party, right?" Matt said. His tone was light but Ana could feel the weight behind the question. "We're having three different flavors of cupcakes. I wish I could say it was only for the kids but…"

Ana forced herself to smile and roll her eyes, playing her part.

"Wouldn't miss it for anything. You know that. Madeline comes first."

Matt huffed but didn't move his gaze away from the screen. Ana was unsettled by the way he held himself, as if he were pretending to be completely enraptured by the movie before them. He rarely bothered with pretense and seeing him attempt to act so carefully around her was making her anxious.

"Are you bringing Arthur?"

Ana blinked in surprise before frowning. "What? No, of course not. Why-"

"He's not not invited."

"Well, he's not invited, even I know that much." She shook her head. "Matt, what's this about? Arthur doesn't even know Maddie's having a birthday party. He doesn't care about stuff like that. He's not, you know, into…"

"Stability? Family?" This time Matt turned to look at her and she was struck by how sharp his expression was. "Normal people who aren't criminals?"

Ana flinched, feeling stung. "Are you talking about Arthur or me?"

"Oh, definitely Arthur," Matt said. His face, so much like her own and yet so completely different, was suddenly all hard, angry lines. "If he actually watches out for you, then why doesn't he make an effort beyond the jobs? He could bother to show up every now and then - we're all adults now. Maybe he should see what's at stake whenever you go gallivanting across the world."

Ana was struck silent, mind racing. Although Matt had never made it a secret that he still disliked Arthur, this was entirely new. He'd never shown any interest in having Arthur show up in their lives; in fact, Ana knew Matt preferred he stay away.

But then again, Matt was truly the only person who could surprise Ana. He was the hardest for her to read. Perhaps it was because she was too close to him - her other half in blood, but sometimes she thought it was because she loved him too much to ever be a completely objective observer.

"Arthur already knows what's at stake," Ana said quietly. "And that's why he'll never show up around here."

She paused and then added, looking away. "That's why I'll never ask him."

Matt sighed and Ana pressed her lips together, no longer willing to pretend and looked back up.

"Seriously what now? I would think you'd be satisfied with that."

"Are you even happy?" he asked. Ana bit back her irritation when she saw her brother was truly, genuinely confused. Not worried, nor angry but simply baffled.

"What?"

"Are you happy chasing him around the world each time he calls? Is this what you really want?"

"I'm not chasing him."

"You kind of are," Matt said quickly. "I wasn't okay with it at first. I'm still not, to be honest but I figured you needed this, something new, that could make you happy again. You've been coasting for so long, I thought this would be what you needed to leap forward again. But you don't seem better."

"I don't seem better." Ana repeated his words flatly. "You thought I was just coasting. Like my career is for shits and giggles."

Matt rolled his eyes and gestured vaguely. "I didn't mean it that way. I'm not putting you down but no one ever thought you'd live a normal, nine-to-five life. No one who knows you thinks you were ever meant to stay in one place. But you did. You stuck close to home, and I love you, sis, I do but you were always meant for bigger things. You wanted adventure so I thought, okay, even if Arthur is an asshole-"

"Hey!"

"And probably belongs behind bars," Matt went on as if she hadn't said anything, "he was your way into a world that was so wildly different that it might actually be a challenge for you. Or at least help you figure out what you want out of life."

He let out a deep breath before looking away. "But you don't seem happy. You seem even more lost."

Ana looked down at her hands on her lap, not knowing how to respond.

She thought about Arthur and the long list of properties she knew he owned all over the world. She thought about how he didn't really consider any of those places home, seeming more comfortable in luxurious and impersonal hotel rooms. And yet how, despite his sharply tailored suits and custom wear, he still wore the same battered but practical boots everywhere. She thought about how Arthur would make sure she got time to wander around whatever city they were in, sometimes joining her as she explored hole-in-the-wall restaurants or small shops that sold trinkets and toys he'd never look twice at if it weren't for her.

And then, almost against her will, she thought about Eames. While not many situations needed a forger, much less one of his calibre, he'd been showing up more often on jobs. She thought about the way he sometimes smelled like turpentine when they worked together - though only when they were in the UK, to be sure. She thought about his expansive wardrobe, noticing how he rarely wore the same thing twice on different jobs, a chameleon with closet space, perhaps. The watch he sometimes wore, loud and large but cared for like a precious thing. The way he always had a different paperback in hand for her to flip through during lulls, each book well-worn and traveled, if not loved.

"What if I wanted a small life?" Even to herself, her voice sounded unsure. Lacking confidence. "What if you and everyone else are wrong, and I want it. Stability. My family nearby. A life that's small but valuable."

Matt was quiet for a moment. The sound of explosions from the movie filled the space between them before he finally spoke again.

"Is that what you want? Would that make you happy?"

Ana looked up and stared at the movie without really seeing it.

"I don't know."

###

"I'm retiring."

Ana looked up with wide eyes, feeling her attention snap from the documents in her hand to the woman across the room. It felt almost physical, that mental crack of the whip that made all her previous thoughts scatter and then focus like a beam on this new thing.

Darshana only looked back at her, calm and composed. Though her expression was neutral and almost aloof, her dark eyes betrayed the amusement Ana knew she felt. The other woman had her arms crossed over her chest but the rest of her body was open, with her feet pointed towards Ana, hips relaxed and legs apart.

Rapidly, without thinking about it, Ana catalogued the roundness of Darshana's features, the faint flush of her skin and the carefully chosen clothing she'd worn during the job so far. She wasn't surprised at her statement, not really. In fact, Ana had expected the sentiment, though not the outright declaration.

Especially not to her.

Ana turned away from her work completely, wanting to signal that Darshana had her full and complete attention. She thought for a moment, trying to decide which of her questions she wanted to ask first, and which had the greatest likelihood of being answered truthfully.

"Do you think you'll come back later? When they're older?"

Darshana laughed, clearly startled but not angry about it. It was a rich, lovely sound that curled around the room like smoke. Her flush grew deeper, making her skin even more radiant, and she uncrossed her arms and leaned forward on the drafting table. A few of her sketches shifted, and the compass slid to the side but Darshana seemed not to care. "I figured you'd notice. No one else did though, which I'm not sure was a disappointment or a relief. After all, I wasn't available for a few months."

Ana smiled back, feeling a little sheepish. "You haven't been obvious, really. But the biggest tells are the bag you're carrying and the fact you've checked your phone about forty percent more than your usual baseline. Plus, you've been wearing maternity clothes, although they're camouflaged well."

She paused before saying, "And we're working with all men right now. Single men."

"As if that really makes a difference," Darshana quipped. She grinned at Ana now, not bothering with pretense anymore. "But just as well, I figured someone else would eventually notice and get nosy. Start doing more digging in the wrong places. I have enough money now to not bother anymore so why take the risk?"

"But you'll miss it, right? The act of creation. Seeing the fantasy on paper come to life."

"Of course." Darshana shrugged. "But there'll be chances to play in dreams later, without worrying about angry clients chasing after you as well. Right now though, things in real life are better than these dreams."

She narrowed her eyes slightly, thoughtful. "But no. To your earlier question. I'd like to make this permanent. Try for a different sort of creation."

Her smile grew softer, smaller and more secretive and Ana realized, with an odd little pang, that she'd seen a similar expression from Sandra when she'd been pregnant. Darshana had already given birth, that was much clear - the baby must have been a few months old, at least past nursing age but the tell-tale markers of a new mom were there for Ana to see, no matter how clever the other woman was at disguising herself.

As an architect, she didn't necessarily have to dream with them during each run. Darshana had decided to sit out the actual job to focus solely on designing, which was not at all unusual. Ana had noticed more than a number of architects preferred to stay out of the direct line of trouble; only the most ambitious or desperate willingly dove into danger.

At only one level for their current job, Arthur could hold the landscape well enough on his own while Ana and Eames played their own roles.

"That's nice," Ana said. Then, realizing how flippant she sounded, she went on. "I mean… I'm happy for you but I'll miss you. And not just because your mazes make it so much easier to not get attacked by projections. You're more practical than a lot of people we've worked with."

Darshana laughed again and waved her hand, as if brushing away the compliment. But she looked pleased. "Not a fan of Penrose steps or Necker cubes then, love?"

"They have their place," Ana said. "What I'm not a fan of are tricks that overcompensate for a lack of skill."

"I would be offended on behalf of my profession if I didn't know you were talking about that wanker, Ellis," Darshana said, making Ana wince at the mention of an overzealous architect who'd caused her headaches after one memorable job.

"I'll miss you too, little extractor. I've told no one else but I figured I should tell you, seeing as how you would have sussed it out eventually. I'll drop off and everyone will think I simply went to ground. Needless to say, I'm sure you'll keep mum."

Darshana trailed off but her expression was clear. It was a threat wrapped in a compliment and Ana nodded, agreeing to her terms.

"I will."

Her gaze on Ana seemed to sharpen then and Ana tried not to play with her hands like a child under scrutiny. She truly hated being stared at. It was hypocritical of her, she knew, but Ana had always preferred to keep away from the center of attention, happier to observe than be observed.

People almost always see me wrong.

They only see what they want, not what's actually right in front of them.

"When do you think you'll leave this all, hmm? I'm betting within two years, if not sooner."

Ana, taken completely off guard, felt her mouth drop open.

Maybe not so wrong this time, after all.

"Retire when I've barely started?" Ana smiled, curious yet troubled. "Why would you think I'd want to stop anytime soon?"

"Because you don't need this," Darshana said simply. "I don't know if you even like this. Dreaming, I mean. You don't need the money; you don't seem avaricious. You don't strike me as a thrillseeker and you're not particularly creative so none of this is playtime for a budding Picasso either."

"Thank you for that."

"Oh, you're not bothered, please." Darshana waved her hand again dismissively, making Ana smile. "You don't seem like a criminal on the run and you hardly need the PASIV to ferret out secrets, do you? This is probably all a lark for you. I suspect you have a life beyond us all, one that perhaps doesn't include your partner-in-crime, despite the gossip."

Ana didn't bother feigning ignorance. "I only work with Arthur but we have very different lives," she said. "I don't plan to stop anytime soon. I wasn't even thinking about it, to be honest."

"But you were feeling it, weren't you?" Darshana said, shrewdly. "I've been in the business long enough to tell when someone is getting restless or unhappy."

Ana felt her smile slip a little, and she looked away, glancing at the closed front door of the furnished office space they were renting. Arthur and Eames were both out getting various tasks done but Ana didn't know when either of them planned to return. She wasn't sure if she wanted them to interrupt or if she was wary of them coming back at that moment.

The jobs had been getting… Not harder, necessarily. Each job posed unique challenges, after all. Still, they were fairly simple for her. But they were darker, too; more complex. Meaner. The marks did things that troubled Ana and the dreams they shared lingered long after a job ended. The novelty of it all was beginning to wear thin and Ana could feel her edges fraying a little more each time.

And what happened to Peter because of her… It still hurt. That guilt was a burden she'd always carry now. It made dreaming that much less appealing.

But she hadn't told Arthur; she didn't want to disappoint him or make him question her willingness to help him.

She wanted him to succeed, always. And Ana knew she was the best now.

"It's still interesting," Ana said, turning back to Darshana. "It feels like magic, when I'm under. Like everything is clearer."

"Sometimes it's best to walk away when dreams still feel full of possibility." The other woman's voice was gentle. Ana had seen her ruthlessly fight her way through crowds of bloodthirsty projections and verbally eviscerate other dreamers when they weren't up to standard, but right now Darshana was treating her with a warmth that felt unearned.

"There's no shame in walking away at the top of your game. In fact, it'll make you legendary, I bet. Choose a glorious swan song and then bathe in all your paper, love. Stories about you will be used to smack down baby extractors who are actually shit."

Amused, Ana laughed but she felt her cheeks grow hot.

"Besides, most of our lot forget there is a world out there," Darshana went on. "You may not be able to put the Taj Mahal in Paris or scale Mt. Everest in high heels, but the real world beyond dreams is just as good. The delights are only harder to work for."

"The delights?" Ana repeated, raising her eyebrows. "And what delights are you referring to?"

"Whatever makes you happy, of course." And then, with a kindness that made something in Ana's stomach twist in an all-too familiar way, Darshana asked, "What would that be for you, Ana? What would make you happy?"

Feeling the weight of her locket around her neck, Ana said the only honest thing she could think of.

"I don't know."

###

"I'd like you to move to Seattle with us."

Ana blinked. She shifted her gaze from the blank wall she'd been staring at to Sandra sitting at her bedside.

It was hard to move her head; she was still heavily bandaged from the most recent surgery on her face. Ana supposed she should have been asleep at the moment - a titanium plate inserted into her flesh meant high levels of sedation. Thanks to the amount of Somnacin still in her system though, none of the medications she was given had worked as they should. She'd been lucky they were able to anesthetize her at all.

The pain was… It was hard to bear, but something in Ana's mind made it so she was detached from feeling anything. She knew on some level her body was in agony but…

It was all so distant and far away.

But I'm not dreaming.

"Annie, I know you want to stay here but I think it'll be better for you, for us to stay together. You, me, Maddie and the babies," Sandra said. She didn't need to whisper but her voice was a gentle, soft thing, as if she knew she had to appease a monster. Or whatever thing Ana was now, now that she'd been cut open, rearranged and put back together with string and metal. Her auburn hair seemed so bright against the bland whiteness of the hospital room.

Ana stared at it, transfixed by the only source of color in the room.

"They need their aunt. I need my sister."

Ana looked away, feeling her thoughts slip away as Sandra continued to speak.

Her sister-in-law had been by her bedside, at least as much as she could with the little time she had now being a single mother of three. She was planning to move closer to her parents across the country. It made sense - she would need help with childcare and being around family was always good. Ana said nothing as Sandra brought up the subject of Ana's recovery, asking her over and over again to come with them.

"You don't have to go back to work."

"You can start over someplace else."

"You've been through so much."

A man in a suit had come the other day. Or maybe it was the day before the other day? He'd told her Sandra and Matt's mortgage and car payments had been paid off in the past week and the children had padded college funds set up in their names. The townhouse Ana lived in had been bought and gifted to her. A dozen other things - her medical bills, future elective surgeries, in-home care, cleaning services… It had all been taken care of as well.

"You don't have to worry about anything but recovering. It's all been taken care of by my clients, Ms. Tremont."

If she could have thrown their money back in their faces, she would have. Ana would have happily, eagerly, set every single dollar on fire and burned them all down.

All the money in the world will never make this right.

How much was Matt's life worth to them?

"Ah, things look like they're healing nicely."

Ana blinked at the doctor in front of her. The bandages were being changed by a nurse and she felt the skin on her face being tugged and poked at. Sandra was gone. The sunlight from the window was different. There was a new blanket at the foot of her bed.

What day is it?

"Good, good," the doctor murmured. His brow was wrinkled in concentration as he studied Ana's face. "Can you feel that?"

Ana croaked out an answer but she wasn't sure what she said. The doctor seemed satisfied though and she watched him silently. He hummed softly to himself as he carefully removed her arm from the sling and began to examine her shoulder.

That had been from surgery number three... When did it happen again? Ana could no longer remember things very clearly.

"Excellent, Ms. Tremont," he said, once the bandages had been re-wrapped and her arm was set back into place against her side. "You look to be recovering quite well. Soon, we'll need to begin physical therapy for your shoulder and schedule a few additional procedures for your cheek in the next month but-"

Ana looked away, hearing his words grow fainter and less coherent as her gaze settled back on the blank white wall across the room. She felt sore all over but again, it all felt distant and far away - the pain was there but it was happening to someone else, somewhere else.

"You're very lucky. If all goes accordingly, I'd say you can go home by early next week."

Where are they now? she wondered.

Did they go to ground?

Are they hiding?

"...insisted you wait at least a week more. I agree with him. You're not ready to go back to the office and I don't care what you think. There's no point when you can't even recertify."

Ana blinked. She was sitting on the edge of her hospital bed, staring down at Gideon who was kneeling on the floor, pulling socks onto her bare feet.

The doctor and the nurse were gone but she didn't remember them leaving.

She had changed. Or someone had changed her. Ana no longer wore the soft gown the hospital had provided but instead she wore loose trousers and a t-shirt with a sweater thrown over her shoulders. Her arm was still in a sling which made long sleeves impossible.

Gideon's expression was characteristically stern and harsh, but he constantly shifted his weight from side to side and there was a tightness around his eyes. It wasn't helping her that made him uncomfortable; he moved quickly and efficiently, as if he'd done all this before.

There was a wheelchair next to the bed.

Ana stared at it. She didn't remember seeing it before.

"I know, I know. They insisted." Gideon said, catching her line of sight and mistaking her hesitation for something else. As she watched, he took a sneaker and began putting it on her foot. She recognized it as the pair of slip-ons she kept near her front door for errands. That felt like a lifetime ago. "Standard release procedures until we get to the car."

He stood up, finished with his task and held out his hand. "Get off the bed. The sooner we get you in that chair, the sooner you can get the fuck out of here. You must have been going out of your mind in this cage."

Gideon stopped abruptly, cutting himself off and clenching his jaw shut. But he didn't apologize and Ana didn't expect him to.

He was cutting and he could be cruel but he was always honest.

Ana appreciated that now.

She took his hand and slowly stood up, feeling the stretch and pull of healing skin as she moved. Her joints ached from weeks of limited use and she felt old and drained from just staying upright. Gideon's hold on her was firm but surprisingly gentle as he helped her into the wheelchair. When he straightened, she saw his frown deepen before he dug in the pocket of his suit jacket and took out a small object wrapped in a plastic bag. He pulled it out from the bag and put it in her hand.

The necklace felt cool and heavy in her palm.

M & M

"Before I forget, the lab released this from evidence. It's been cleaned up but it's busted. Won't close anymore. Clasp is bad too." Gideon paused, pressing his lips together almost angrily, before saying, "We'll get it fixed."

Ana's hands shook as she cradled her broken totem in the palms of her hands. The locket swung open, the hinge no longer able to close. The faces of her parents looked up at her on one side and Matt's face grinned up at her from the other. She had carried her family over her heart, around the world and in dreams.

All dead.

All gone.

It was a bitter lesson but one that Ana now understood and would never forget. Anyone that truly loved her or had been loved by her turned to ash. Even Peter was gone, trying to rebuild his life after she'd destroyed the old one with her betrayal.

Arthur.

Eames.

That had never been love. Not really. How could it be love when they had taken everything away and left her to put herself back together again? How could it be love when Matthew was dead and she was alive?

I begged.

Let him live. Choose him.

I begged them both.

And then, in that moment something inside of her cracked.

It was almost a physical thing - the sound of shattering glass and the sensation of sharp edges catching on soft flesh, as something in her mind broke. She drew in a startled breath, feeling the world before her sharpen and brighten; the haziness of the past few weeks dissipating like fog on the surface of a mirror.

She'd been in the hospital for twenty-nine days, thirteen hours and forty-three minutes.

Ana stared at Gideon, taking in the lines of his expensive suit, the knot of the silk tie at his throat, his designer leather belt and shined shoes. His nails were clean but he'd been picking at the cuticles around his thumbs. He'd gotten a new haircut, perhaps just yesterday, and shaved closely enough there was no stubble even now. He hadn't worn his usual cologne. There was a drop of water at his collar where he'd splashed water on his face recently, needing to center himself.

He didn't like hospitals, some old family trauma still made his back stiffen whenever he was in one. Yet he wore his best armor - not for his sake, but for hers.

He thought I'd need an anchor.

I was lost.

"It looks important. Old. Cared for." Gideon gestured to the locket, not knowing that Ana's mind was racing, hurtling towards a new purpose and breaking everything in its path. Something in her had died weeks ago but it had come back, finally. The broken pieces of herself were finally reforming; smashing back together into new and better shapes.

"You must be happy now that you have it back."

Ana looked at the locket and then slowly closed it, shutting away the faces of the people she loved. They were gone but not forever. She could still follow after them. But first - she had unfinished business to resolve.

"Thank you, yes. I am happy."

###