Chapter 9 – A Goodbye Kiss

A week went by. A very boring, uneventful week. A very lonely week as well, she realised. Except for the occasional conversation Milah held with Iroh, she had no one to talk to. Amim always rushed by her, giving excuses such as Zuko commanded this, I need to do that, blablabla…

And Zuko. Well, that was another story. She would always wish him goodnight and ask him how he was doing whenever they were alone, but he never replied. He either just got under his covers, turning away from her, or grunted and walked off. It made her feel sombre and confused. She hadn't done anything to make him mad at her. It was the other way around, really, seeing he had gone after her brother and sister once more, although not achieving his goal.

The sky was blue and empty of clouds, making it a beautiful day. She was staring at a couple of seagulls flying with the wind and fiddled with her necklace. It was hanging around her neck as usual. It was to remind herself of the way Zuko could be, rather than his everyday behaviour speaking for himself. It was almost like he did it on purpose. It made her feel weak and pathetic when she couldn't loathe or hate him. But she knew it wasn't a weakness. It was a strength of hers, always seeing the good in people instead of the plain bad that was evident in everyone.

''Amim, go ahead and ask the captain if we can make it to the harbour before nightfall,'' she heard Zuko order behind her. She didn't turn around to greet him, knowing she wouldn't get a reaction from him anyway. It was like he had changed his opinion about her overnight.

Instead, she was playing with the water below her by making them appear in figures and creating water creatures swimming along with the ship. They were sailing towards a small harbour at the northern part of the Earth Kingdom. She could notice it by the drop in temperature. She started wearing her fur-coated jacket over her Fire Nation attire, keeping her hair down to give her neck and back some shelter against the chilly wind.

''Milah,'' Iroh startled her, making her drop her water figures. ''That is some beautiful Waterbending you did there.'' He smiled at her and she returned it, him being her only companion.

''Thank you, Iroh,'' she answered softly and made a little show for him with dolphins and turtles doing a little dance in the air. He laughed out loud and created rings of fire for them to jump through. After the little spectacle, she could hear some people clapping and laughing behind them as well. Two crewmen who were originally busy with tightening ropes and scrubbing the floor of the deck had taken a little break to watch them. Milah blushed.

It was actually astonishing to her that she was able to live freely on board of the ship. She was a Waterbender, the enemy, and still, they didn't mind her participating with little activities and sometimes encouraging her to use her Waterbending. Nobody seemed to mind her, even considered her to be part of the crew seeing she frequently healed small wounds gained from their tasks.

''So, tell me, what is troubling you?'' Iroh asked her, attracting her drifted attention once more. ''I can see that there's something wrong. You just won't tell me what it is.'' It wasn't like she didn't trust him. He had stolen a piece of her heart over the past two and a half months.

''Iroh, I…'' she started and tucked away a piece of her hair nervously. ''Zuko just…'' But she closed her eyes in shame and stopped herself from going any further. She didn't want to talk about this with him. She didn't even want to admit it to herself. It would make it too real. ''He's just been ignoring me and I don't know why.'' From the corner of her eye, she saw Iroh looking at her in sadness and with pity.

''My nephew is very troubled,'' he answered after a while. ''But you know his story. I won't bore you with it again. All I can say for now is to give him time. He will realise it someday, that there are more things to life than he sees now.'' They were wise words, as usual, but it didn't do her any good. She didn't know for how long she could wait for him to come around. There would be a moment where one of them had to make a choice; good, or evil.

Her heart hurt. She had already made that choice. She would choose her family above anything else. And her family was on the good side. It was Zuko's choice, and she feared he would make the wrong one. The one that would put them on different sides, forcing them to fight each other.

''I know,'' she answered finally. ''I just hope he will make the right choice on that day.'' Iroh sighed and nodded in agreement. She knew what his opinion was on the topic. He amazed her that way. He was a General of the Fire Nation, but somehow his life experience had made him a completely different person. Milah even thought that if the Fire Lord knew about Iroh's views on certain matters, he would be considered a traitor and thrown in jail or worse.

''Me too, Milah,'' he whispered and changed the subject then, asking her if she would be present on music night that would take place in the evening. She agreed, needing the distraction and fun. It would probably be the chance for her to finally have a proper conversation with Amim.

So after a few hours, while all the men were readying the ship for anchoring, she was braiding her hair for a change, putting on a warm outfit Iroh had found for her in a storage room. She was just busy clasping the necklace once again around her neck when the door slammed open, making her drop it to the ground. She shrieked, turning around to face whoever decided to give her the scare of her life. But, of course, it was Zuko. He was fuming, the torches on the walls flaring dangerously. She quickly increased the humidity in the room, using her bending, and the torches died down. His temper, however, didn't. He was swearing, which he rarely did. It kind of scared Milah, seeing him like this.

''I don't play the fucking tsungi horn. He's so infuriating!'' he hissed through his teeth, still not having noticed Milah standing in front of the mirror. Only when he heard a little noise he turned around, facing the wide-eyed girl. She was clasping the necklace he had gotten her in her hands. His anger died down slightly upon seeing her like that. He knew what a necklace would mean in her culture. They were usually handcrafted and another colour, but still, a necklace was pretty significant for someone of the Water Tribe.

And still, she wore it every day, so he noticed. In his culture, a woman would wear a ring on her left finger. So it didn't mean anything. He had to keep saying that to himself.

''I didn't see you,'' he brought out eventually, his voice hoarse. She nodded slowly, turning around again to continue her task of putting on the necklace. But her hands trembled under the burning gaze of Zuko. She could feel him watching her intensely.

''I'll help you,'' he said out of the blue. She could see him standing behind her, his warm fingers touching her cold ones. His breath tickled her neck. She took a shuddering a gulp of air after holding it in.

''Thank you,'' she whispered at him after he was done and turned around. He was standing very close. And then he raised his hand, pushing a fallen strand of hair behind her ear. ''I don't understand you,'' she suddenly blurted out, immediately regretting her actions.

''What do you mean?'' he asked her, feeling the moment they had shared was over. He was glad, on one hand, for it had made him feel forbidden things once again, after trying so hard to ignore those pesky emotions.

''Well, one moment you're ignoring me completely, not even bothering to wish me goodnight as well, and then the next…'' there she dwelled off, not knowing what it was exactly what the next was. It was little moments of vulnerability between them. Moments that weren't supposed to happen, not between a girl from the Water Tribe and the heir of the Fire Lord.

He said nothing for a while, looking at anything except her, which annoyed her. Was it so hard to come up with something? But he finally spoke up. ''I don't know what you're talking about.''

It didn't make things better. Only worse. She stormed past him, bumping his shoulder, and left the room. Left him.

When Milah finally reached the open air to meet up with the others, she felt her rage fade away. The cool air did wonders to her body, having missed it. She had grown up on the coldest parts of the world, so the icy air was like home to her. A fire had been built and most of the men had already taken their place around it, warming their hands.

''Milah!'' she heard someone call out. It was Amim, rushing towards her. ''You made it!'' He looked so happy seeing her that she forgot all about Zuko and his tantrums for a moment. Iroh opened the night with a little song he had heard in a town they had crossed and Amim had pulled her to her feet, wanting to dance. Together they twirled around happily once again, just like that night many weeks ago. But then Amim suggested they should sit down after two more songs. He started a conversation with her about her future, asking questions about where she would see herself in ten years from now.

It made her feel sad. She didn't know where she would be, not with the war going on. It was highly possible she would be either imprisoned or even dead, maybe in battle. Amim noticed her change of mood and asked her what was wrong. She explained her worries which made him look troubled as well. But Amim wasn't someone to look negatively upon things, so he asked Iroh to play Four Seasons and pulled Milah to her feet again. She giggled, not wanting to fight him upon seeing his gleeful face. Iroh began singing in his full voice with Leuitenant Lee playing his lute, but after the chorus, Milah could see someone boarding the ship.

''Iroh,'' she warned him and stopped dancing. Amim pulled her behind him protectively.

''General Iroh,'' a man she recognised as Admiral Zhao greeted the old man. Everyone around the campfire had a worried look on their face. Nothing good could come from the Admiral. ''It's good to see you.'' His voice was sinister like it usually was. Milah's stomach became upset, bile coming up slowly. She gulped it down, not wanting to get sick in front of everyone. But the cruel man had a reaction on her that couldn't be explained.

''Admiral Zhao,'' Iroh greeted him respectfully. ''You're looking good.'' The kind man had a smile on his face, but Milah could see it wasn't genuine. Not even close.

''Let's skip the pleasantries, shall we?'' Zhao came to the point quickly, not returning the respect he had gotten from Iroh. And it was visible to everyone that the old General did not take that to heart, his smile vanishing.

''I assume you want to know the whereabouts of my nephew, Prince Zuko,'' Iroh sneered at the Admiral, who simply smirked and nodded. ''I shall get him, then.'' And with that Iroh disappeared to get him. Milah was glad she hadn't been noticed, until now.

''Stand down, soldier,'' he ordered Amim, who hesitated but had to step aside seeing it was a direct order from his superior. Milah cringed under the intense gaze of the nasty man, who practically undressed her. He stepped towards her then, raising his hand to trace her necklace. It took everything from her to not step back then, knowing she could not fight off the Admiral and the six guards he had brought with him. ''Pretty necklace. I don't remember seeing it on you the first time I met you.'' This made her look up at him, fearing he had discovered the real reason why she was here. Or even her identity.

But he let go of her shortly after, looking at Amim whose eyes were almost blazing with fire. It reminded her of Zuko. ''I suspect she's done her rounds quite well?'' the Admiral asked him, chuckling. Amim simply glared at him. Milah didn't understand what he was talking about, but she was keen to find it what exactly it meant. It was the second time someone had said something like that about her. But then it dawned on her.

Zuko had once said that she was 'mere amusement' to the men when Zhao had asked about her all those nights ago. And then that woman, whose name was June, she later learned, had said to go easy on her. And now Zhao asked if she had done her rounds well.

It was enough to make her hurl the contents of her stomach, but luckily she didn't. It wasn't done in either of the Water Tribes, but she had heard men talking about them whenever she was in one of the Earth Kingdom towns. Whores. Women who sold their body to other men so they could have their way with them.

But she wasn't like that. She didn't sell her body or anything. She hadn't ever touched or gotten touched by a man like that. She wasn't planning to. And still, everyone assumed that was what she was good for on this ship. But another realisation hit her. If Zhao thought that about her, then he didn't know the real reason why she was here. And suddenly it didn't bother her anymore that they thought she was a whore. If that would protect her, then it was okay.

''Well,'' Zhao interrupted her train of thoughts, ''I'll go check on the old man and his nephew. See if they haven't escaped from me, the cowards.'' She could see the entire crew getting angry, including herself. What was Zhao thinking, he could insult them like that. He was a vile, rotten, pathetic excuse of a man. When he entered the inside of the ship, Amim turned to her, concern showing in his eyes instead of the anger she had seen before.

''Are you okay?'' he asked her softly and hurriedly, the eyes of the guards upon them still. She nodded quickly, assuring him she was fine.

''I'm worried, though,'' she whispered back, frowning. She hoped Zuko and Iroh were doing fine as well, but she knew they could handle themselves properly. They were the two most skilled Firebenders she had ever seen, Zuko having beaten Zhao in an Agni Kai singlehandedly and with total grace.

But, not long after, Iroh and Zhao got through the door without Zuko. She didn't think much of it. He was probably sulking in their room as usual.

''Friends,'' he regarded the crew carefully, eyeing Zhao who was standing next to him. ''You have been transferred to the Zhao's troops to fight in his battle against the Northern Water Tribe.'' With that being said, he regarded Milah with an intense look in his eyes, wanting her to stay still and hold any reaction that would give away her true identity.

She was good at that, at hiding her true emotions from her face. She had learned it from her grandfather, who had mastered it over the years of training incompetent Waterbending pupils.

''Pack your things and meet me at the end of the dock. My men will assign you to your place on my ship,'' Zhao commanded. The crew got up slowly, looking at Iroh for confirmation, who simply lowered his head in defeat.

She felt Amim give her hand a tiny squeeze, then walked away in the same direction as the others. But her attention was called away from him to Iroh, who coughed inconspicuously and slightly moved his head towards the leaving crew, signalling for her to leave quickly as well. She started walking away then, understanding the meaning, but a hand shot out, trapping her. It was Zhao.

''You're coming too,'' he told her. ''You'll keep the spirits of the men high. Plus, the pay is good.'' She was absolutely disgusted by the way he was looking at her and tried to pull away from his grip, but Iroh was quick to free her.

''She isn't yours to take, Zhao,'' Iroh stated. ''She's Zuko's, and since it was his money that bought her, she'll stay with him.'' Zhao's eyes narrowed but agreed eventually. Milah fled the scene to the comfort of her own room, not wanting to be in the presence of the horrible Admiral.

She slammed open the door and closed it quickly after her, leaning against it while trying to catch her breath. She had been running the entire way, afraid she would be caught by him only to be used for the things he had already done to her in his head.

Zuko was woken up from his meditation by Milah who rather rudely entered the room. He was about to turn around to give her a piece of his mind when he saw her shaking against the door, fear in her eyes. He quickly made his way over to her and put his hand on her shoulder. This woke her up from some kind of trance, her jumping away from his touch.

''I'm sorry,'' she panted. ''I shouldn't have slammed the door like that. It's just…'' She couldn't finish the words, simply touching her necklace to find some comfort in the little item like it had given her many times before.

''I don't know what that sick Admiral has told you, but don't listen to him,'' he assured her. Her lips quirked up into a hesitant smile. She looked up at him with her glowing blue eyes that seemed to amaze him every time he saw them.

''Thank you.'' She reached out for one of his hands and gave it a little squeeze, making him blush slightly. He was thankful the room was dark, or he would've been even more embarrassed.

But the moment was ruined, like all the times before, by a little knock on the door. ''Milah?'' Zuko could hear Amim call out to her. Annoyance flared up in his chest. The girl who was called out tore her eyes and hand away from his, leaving him cold and empty. He turned around and sat down on his pillow once more in frustration.

Milah opened the door, greeting Amim with a small smile. A bag was slung over his shoulder, his eyes filled with grieve. ''Milah, I…'' he started, but had to gulp his nervousness away. ''There's so much I want to say to you.'' She nodded in agreement. Their goodbye was so sudden.

''I know,'' she answered and tried to comfort him by placing her small hand on his arm. ''But don't worry, we'll see each other again, eventually.'' He smiled at her words.

''I know we will, but until then…'' he held a small pouch in his hand and reached it out for her to take it from him. Once opened by her, it revealed a beautiful shining golden ring. She gasped at the gift he had given her.

''Amim, I can't take this from you,'' she hurriedly said and put the ring back in the pouch. She didn't know much about Fire Nation courting customs, but she got the gist. ''Please, understand,'' she tried to reason, but he wouldn't take the pouch back.

''My mother gave it to me when I left to join Zuko on his journey to find the Avatar. She told me to give it to the girl that would capture my heart,'' he whispered to her, not wanting to look into her eyes. It hurt her when he said this. She didn't feel the same for him. He must know that. ''You did that, Milah, you captured my heart from the moment I first set eyes on you.'' He looked at her finally, but shouldn't have. It was evident on her face that she wouldn't take the ring. And it dawned on him that she probably never would. In her eyes, he was the enemy. He was Fire Nation, she was Water Tribe. It couldn't happen, and she had the sense to realise that. He didn't. Or rather, he didn't care.

''You're right,'' he finally said and took the pouch back from her. ''It was stupid for me to assume you would take it. After all…'' But Milah understood where he was going. After all, they couldn't be together. And it wasn't something that she wanted. She liked Amim and the life he had offered her by his side, but she didn't return the feelings he had for her.

As a goodbye, he leaned forwards to kiss her delicate cheek. It was cold and soft to his lips, and he could smell the sweet smell of jasmine and roses that always seemed to surround her. His heart broke at that moment, tears threatening to spill, but he manned up and walked away then.

Milah stood still in the door opening. A tear was rolling down her cheek but she wiped it away furiously. She had forgotten about Zuko, who was sitting with his back turned towards her. He pretended he didn't hear anything, but his fists were clenched on top of his lap. He had to control his breathing, or else he would probably set the entire ship on fire. The thought of Milah marrying Amim had upset him greatly. He hadn't felt this angry ever since he learned of his banishment, and that was saying something. He didn't understand where the feeling came from.

He could hear the little sniffs coming from behind him, but he willed himself to stay put. She probably wouldn't want him around her anyway. His mind was whirling with all kinds of thoughts of her. Of how he would lose her someday, and there was nothing he could do about it. They had different destinies to follow in life, hers protecting her family, and his trying to capture the Avatar but hurting Sokka and Katara in the process. It had a strain on their relationship which made it impossible for them to grow into something that would last for life. They simply couldn't last for life.

And with that thought, Zuko fell into his meditation with a heavy heart, tiny sobs coming from behind him, hurting his own heart.