Chapter 10 – Zhao's ship
The rest of the evening went smoothly, Milah having fallen asleep after a while and Zuko still trying to calm his head and body, feeling rigid for some reason. A knock sounded on the door.
''Come in,'' the Prince announced. Iroh stepped in, looking grim.
''The crew wanted me to wish you safe travels,'' his uncle told him. Zuko frowned.
''Good riddance to those traitors,'' he told Iroh bitterly. His anger towards his men hadn't been diminished. The least they could've done was put up a fight with him. But they were too cowardly for that, in his mind.
Iroh glanced towards the sleeping girl who could be seen in the soft candlelight. Her face was red, plastered with dried tears. Sadness swept over him for her. She must be missing her family and the men she had gained a friendship with on the ship.
''It's a lovely night for a walk. Why don't you join me? It would clear your head,'' he asked his nephew. But he didn't answer, just simply went on meditating. He could be so aggravating. ''Or just stay in your room and sit in the dark. Whatever makes you happy.'' And with that Iroh left.
It was completely silent except for the soft breaths of Milah behind him. His thoughts were going places, not making it easy for Zuko to actually fall into a meditation trance. But after a while, he still managed.
It was footsteps that awoke him. Zuko frowned, not thinking he was out of consciousness that long. His uncle shouldn't have returned by now. He stood up, looking to Milah's bed, thinking that maybe she had woken up and was wandering the ship, but she was still breathing silently and even, fast asleep. Her brown hair was spread out over the pillow, making it look like a wave against the red of her pillow. It astonished him still that she was able to look so much like Fire Nation the way she now daily did. The hot air often made it uncomfortable to wear her old Water Tribe clothes.
Footsteps were heard again, making him snap out of his trance. He had been looking at Milah like she was his whole world for a second. He cringed. It wasn't like him to be so mesmerised by a girl, much less by a girl from another Nation.
He thought about Mai then, for a second. She had been his first crush, even if he had been two years older. She was mature for her age, which girls tended to be, while he had still been throwing mud at his sister and her friends, Ty Lee and Mai.
Zuko quickly left the room and focused his mind and thoughts on the footsteps he heard, instead of the train of thoughts he had had unwillingly. ''Uncle?'' he called out, making his way towards the steering room. ''Uncle, is that you?''
Milah had been dreaming about a happy memory of her youth, one where she had been playing tag with Sokka and Katara and her mother, Kya. But suddenly, the ground beneath her split open and fire blasted out, throwing her up in the air and into cold water. She realised then this wasn't a dream once she felt the burning of the fire on her arms and legs, and the cold water of the sea engulfing her. She tried to gasp for air, but a large amount of water entered her lungs instead. Still half-sleeping, she tried to bend the water around her. But her body hadn't caught up with her awakened state, making her arms swing awkwardly in the current. Pieces of the ship floated around her dangerously. Spiked metal parts were threatening to impale and kill her. Black dots appeared in her eyes; she was about to pass out. The last thing that went through her head was that it was ironic that she was about to die by her own element. And with that, she lost consciousness.
''Milah!'' Zuko screamed once he resurfaced. He had been thrown across the steering room but was just in time to create a protective ball of fire around him, preventing him from burning down to a crisp. ''Milah!'' He was full-on panicking now. He didn't know how bad the explosion was in her area. But he feared the worst. She was a Waterbender. That would mean that she could safe herself easily from drowning. But he still didn't see her.
''Zuko!'' a voice screamed at him. It was uncle Iroh, standing at the shore. ''Over there! Quickly!'' Iroh pointed to a large amount of scrap floating further and further. He could see due to the still-burning fire that Milah was underneath it, trapped and passed out. He tried to swim as fast as he could, panting from exercise and horror swirling through his body.
He dove under once he neared the hazardous site. He noticed that she was tangled up in the Fire Nation flag that had hung in his room. He tried to release her as quickly as possible, noticing that there wasn't any air coming out of her mouth, so she must've taken a gulp of water.
Once he succeeded, he swam with her on his back, back to the shore, to his uncle who was frantically screaming at him to be faster. Once on the sand, he laid the lifeless girl on her back.
''What do I do?'' he asked his uncle with a trembling voice. If she really was dead… he didn't know what to do. ''She can't be dead. She can't be.'' He was shaking her arms, trying to wake her up.
''Give her your breath and push her chest,'' Iroh told him. ''Do it, now!'' Zuko started pushing on her chest. Iroh instructed him to keep a steady rhythm and to stop once he reached thirty pushes. He then tilted up her chin, squeezed her nose shut and pushed his lips to her.
In any other circumstance, he would've had a bodily reaction of feeling her cold lips against his own warm ones, but seeing she was at the brink of death, he didn't think twice about it. The only thing that mattered to him now was bringing her back to the world of the living. He would think about kissing her some other time, as he had already thought about many times.
He breathed into her mouth, noticing her chest rose with every breath he gave her. And once he reached the third, she opened her eyes and spit out water. It came into his mouth as well, but he didn't mind. He quickly rolled her over to her side so she could cough up all the water that had come into her lungs.
His eyes stung with unshed tears. He hadn't realised the relief it brought him to see her up and alive again. The terror in his mind and body had been great, seeing her like that. But once all the water was out of her lungs, she rolled over to her back again, her hand pushing the strands of water out of her face. Her brows were furrowed and her eyes were closed. She looked extremely fatigued from her near-dead experience. He wanted to pull her on his lap, nestling his face in her neck, buried in her wet hair. But before he could do that, Iroh grabbed his arm and almost pushed his face into Zuko's to get his attention.
''Quickly!'' Iroh whispered harshly. ''Get into the tree lines. The culprits are just over there. It's just a matter of time before they realise you're not dead.'' Zuko glanced behind his uncle, noticing the pirates they had run into just a few weeks ago. He scooped up a once more passed out Milah and hurriedly ran into the forest, searching for cover. It was midnight, a new moon approaching, so there wasn't much light except for the low burning fire that was still present on the remains of his ship.
Once they had reached a secluded spot, still near the shore, he laid down Milah again who was breathing softly. He pushed the wet strands of her hair out of her face. He noticed she was cold and shivering, so he slightly heated up his hands and roamed his floating palms over every part of her body. He didn't dare touch her, knowing she wouldn't appreciate it if she learned about it, so he strictly kept a distance between his hands and her skin. She stopped shivering at last and let out a content sigh. A little smile appeared on her face, causing his own lips to form one as well.
''She is something, isn't she?'' Iroh softly began, startling him. Zuko quickly retracted from her, not wanting to give a sign of his thoughts and feelings for her. But Iroh's words got to him.
She was something, to him. He realised it now. She had become a part of him like few people were to him. The thought of losing her had pained him like when he found out his mother had left him when he was just an eleven-year-old boy, a child, in the care of his conflicted father.
If someone would ask him who was important to him, only three people would emerge in his head. His mother, uncle and… Milah. Her smiling face and her kind eyes shining beside his mother's form was visible in his mind. He imagined his mother and the Water Tribe girl getting along splendidly. His mother was the kindest woman in the world, and so was Milah. It was only natural for them to like each other.
His heart contracted. He shouldn't go there. It was dangerous for him to have such thoughts. He would end up… somewhere he didn't want to be. He needed to remind himself that she was a Waterbender from a Water Tribe and that he was inheriting the throne to the Fire Nation. He had to leave her at some time. It was inevitable, also for her, seeing she would always choose her family over him. And she had every right to. If there was one thing he understood, it was the importance of family.
So, he tore his gaze away from her and looked up to the stars, covered by the leaves of the trees, some slightly visible between the little openings. ''I know, uncle,'' he simply whispered.
Zuko didn't see, but Iroh had a grieve stricken look on his face. It hurt him to think that his nephew was clearly in love with the sweet girl laid out in front of him, while he couldn't be with her. Iroh knew that, but he also knew that although Milah wasn't the ideal match for the Prince, seeing they were on opposite sides of the war, she was good for him. The old General had noticed that from the moment she was around, the Prince had become more like he was before his own father had given him a trauma for life and less like the honour-obsessed, heartless and angry Prince he was after.
''We need to come up with a plan,'' his nephew interrupted his thoughts, but he nodded anyway. He was right; they needed to do something. ''If I still want to capture the Avatar before Zhao can, there's only one way.''
Iroh nodded once again in agreement. ''But Milah… they don't harbour female soldiers. Not anymore.'' Zuko grimaced. He forgot that his father had announced only men could serve in the army now.
''She must disguise herself then,'' Zuko softly said, worry settling in his stomach. ''That'll work, hopefully.''
''It must,'' Iroh replied. ''I'm afraid I must leave you for now. I will take upon Zhao's offer to stay at his ship. Afterwards, I will wait for you on the back of the ship. From there, you can search for some uniforms.'' Zuko nodded without looking at his uncle, who stood up and left to go towards the despicable Admiral.
By the time Milah woke up, Zuko had already fallen asleep against a log near her. He didn't want to fall asleep, but the stress had worn him out more than he had first thought. He was wakened by little grunts and a shuffling sound. He immediately reacted by scouting the area with his eyes, afraid someone had come up to them. But it was the hurt girl, cuts and burns visible all over just like the ones on his face and body.
''Zuko,'' she moaned a sound which penetrated his whole being. ''What happened?'' She tried to sit up but fell back. He had moved fast, pulling her to his side so she could lean on him. Her arm was draped over his shoulders, her face leaning against his chest. She snuggled in his embrace, feeling warm almost instantly. His voice vibrated against her.
''There was an explosion. The whole ship was destroyed,'' he told her softly, sadness sweeping over him as to knowing all his possessions were lost.
Well, not all, he thought, feeling the weight of the item against his chest. He always wore the secret thing around his neck, hanging on a little chain, but no one knew he had it. He was keeping it safe for someone whose it was, the someone who lost it or left it with him. He didn't know.
Zuko shook his head, clearing his head. ''We must hurry, seeing you're awake now.'' Milah grabbed onto his arm, making him stay put.
''Can't we just… stay here?'' she whispered, eyes closed. She didn't want to look at him when she said that. It was vulnerable to go that way, dangerous even. Milah didn't even know why she had asked him that, but being in his warm embrace, his scent engulfing her in a good way, it had popped in her head and out of her mouth without thinking twice.
''Milah…'' he sighed, looking down at her, her bottom lip pulled back in her mouth, a thing she always did whenever concentrated or nervous. He decided then he would be vulnerable too, disregarding the sense of how wrong it was. ''I wish we could. Stay here, I mean.'' Her hand tightened around his arm. She looked up at him then, a small and sad smile evident. He felt his heart call out to her, wanting to give her the kiss he had been longing to give her for some time now. He even felt himself leaning in.
Milah's stomach was filled with butterflies, her heart thumping dangerously. The hand that was placed upon his arm glided upwards to meet the part of his face that was scarred. She hadn't been allowed to touch it yet. It was sensitive to him in an emotional way. She was close, so close now, that his eyes were closed shut, his hand coming up to meet hers, hovering over the top, wanting to stop her. But he didn't. He was leaning in, his forehead touching hers, while her thumb lightly traced his shrivelled ear.
It was soft, she felt to her surprise. Soft and warm, like she knew he was on the inside as well. And she wanted it so bad, her heart called out, she wanted it so bad. If he could just stay…
''Zuko,'' she whispered, her voice hoarse, her hand retreating from his face. But he placed his own on top of hers then, putting it back. He let out a little grunt, trying to tell her to stop talking, wanting to treasure this moment that couldn't last. Not now, not ever.
''No,'' he answered her with an equal hoarse throat. ''I'm sorry.'' There the second apology was, maybe the last he would ever give her. He let go of her hand then, letting it fall into her own lap.
The Water Tribe girl pulled away from him, leaving him empty and cold in the left side of his chest. He felt robbed at that moment. She had robbed him of something, something he wasn't prepared to give and didn't think would ever be taken. But she still had taken it, without warning and without even trying to. He had allowed her, somehow, and now he had to face the consequences.
''Where's Iroh?'' she interrupted him, making him stand up as well as she had. Her tone was corporate and bleak.
''He's on Zhao's ship,'' he answered her softly, still processing what had happened. ''We have to get on it as well. You have to disguise yourself as a soldier. And seeing as female Fire Nation soldiers are extinct, as a male as well.'' She didn't like that, seeing she wasn't very tall, had womanly curves and long, thick hair, but she had to manage it. It was the only way for her to try and stop Zhao and Zuko from capturing the Avatar, the latter still not refraining from his mission.
''Let's go then, no time to waste,'' Milah demanded curtly, not looking at the Prince who had shaken her whole being so bad. He mustn't know, she commanded herself, he couldn't know.
Together, they sneaked up on the ship in silence, both avoiding each other's looks. Guards were seen patrolling, but it had been empty on the back of the ship for five minutes now. Zuko made a move to board then, deciding this would be the time, and efficiently climbed up. Milah watched him in frustration, knowing she wouldn't be as stealthy or smooth as him, but she would have to do it anyway. Once he was up, he pointed to her that it was her turn. She grabbed the same pieces he had, trying to tell her hand muscles to not give up and keep going. Once she was near the railing, he reached out to her, grabbing her arm and hauling her up in his arms.
Once again, they were close, making Milah's head dazzle and spin. But he let go of her quickly like she had burned him, while it felt like he had burned her again. Someone hissed at them from a secluded corner, and from out the shadows, Iroh came. He was holding two uniforms and some sort of bandage in his arms.
''Quickly, this way!'' he whispered and walked ahead of them towards a quiet storage room, far away from any activity. He looked around corners if someone was there, but they made it fairly quickly without being seen. Once inside, he dropped the pieces of clothing in front of him and turned towards Milah first.
''It's good to see you well,'' he kindly told her and pulled her in for a hug, which she returned gladly. ''I want you to put this around your chest. It's to… cover you up.'' He handed her the white piece of bandage, which was usually used as a sling or to cover big wounds, she noticed.
''Zuko, you need to make sure Milah won't be recognised as a woman. The men on this ship… haven't been in contact with women for a while, so I've noticed.'' Iroh gave him a knowing look. A sickening feeling settled in his stomach. He didn't want to think about the vile things the men would probably do to her once they would find out they had a woman living in their midst.
''We'll arrive at the Northern Water Tribe in a fortnight, so they say. Now, I must leave before Zhao will notice I'm missing,'' the old man told them. They simply stood there, on edge, clothes in their arms. He left the room, leaving them alone to tend to themselves.
Milah glanced nervously at the man stood next to her, not knowing if she would get any privacy to change. But, he turned around to change, giving her the space she needed. She pulled her own torn shirt off over her head and pushed down her red pants, leaving her to stand in her delicate white underwear. She grabbed the bandage, looking at it with questioning eyes. She realised she had to wrap it around her very tightly for it to work, seeing her breasts were not really small and could clearly be seen when she would wear a loose shirt.
She began by securing an end to her chest, trying to hold it in place with one hand while pulling it and securing it once more under her armpit. But, as she reached behind her to grab the end again, the rope was loosening, making her sigh out in frustration.
''Are you almost done?'' Zuko asked impatiently. She was startled, quickly glancing behind her to see if he wasn't looking. She was pleased to find out he was facing the wall instead of her, a small smile appearing on her face.
''No,'' she answered anxiously. ''The bandage is not working with me.''
''I'll help you,'' he sighed and made a move to turn around then.
''No!'' she almost shouted. ''Wait, can I put on some pants first please?'' He stayed put, allowing her to put on the lower part of the Fire Nation army outfit. ''You can turn around now.''
Zuko went to face her, preparing himself to see an almost naked Milah. Her back was smooth and mostly covered by her hair, but the sight of her bare arms, shoulders and lower parts of her back didn't disappoint him. He walked up behind her, grabbing the bandage that was under her armpit and pulled at it harshly. She obviously wasn't prepared for it, almost falling against him. But she was quick to recover herself, tightening her grip around the end of the white fabric.
''Hold still,'' he ordered huskily, his breath tickling her ear. His fingers lightly grazed the skin that wasn't usually exposed like this, making her shiver slightly. His arm suddenly reached out before her,
grabbing the fabric so he could wind it around her from the front. ''Hold your breath,'' he ordered then, his hands circling the front of her chest and doing his utter best to not stare at that part, let alone accidentally touch it.
Milah tried not to beath, pushing against her breasts so he could tighten the fabric even more. Once they were done, she glanced down, noticing Zuko had succeeded very well in covering her up. He handed her the upper parts of the outfit, not looking down at her. She was glad he respected her enough like this. Most men would've jumped at the chance to see a woman this nude, but he didn't. He valued her.
After Milah had put on her shirt and her hair in a complicated updo on top of her head so she wasn't recognisable as a woman, they exited the room. Zuko walked in front of her, trying to navigate through the ship. After a couple of turns in the hallway, they came upon the area where the crew would sleep. Numerous hammocks were hung on the ceiling, small trunks set beside them to hold personal possessions. Milah gulped, not knowing how she could hide her gender for such a long time.
''Come,'' Zuko suddenly whispered at her, not wanting to be overheard by the several men that were present in the same room. He led her towards a hammock in the utmost corner, checking if someone had already claimed it. He was glad to find out it wasn't, and even more so when the hammock next to it wasn't either. ''We'll take these.'' Milah nodded slightly.
Zuko left her then, saying he was going to look for his uncle. He assured her that it wasn't safe for her to be around much, telling her it was probably best if she stayed in the mostly concealed corner for as much as possible. Milah didn't like the idea of that but agreed eventually. She trusted him enough to do as he said.
She glanced down towards the cuts on her hands. They weren't the only ones. She could feel them all over her body now after the adrenaline left her body. She was sad she couldn't use her healing and instead had to endure them for two weeks.
It was taking long for Zuko to come back. But once he was, he told her that according to Iroh, Zhao didn't expect a thing. So with that thought, she went to sleep, facing the wall.
The following 14 days went by fairly quickly. She hadn't gotten a chance to bath, which she could start to smell on herself, but Milah assured herself that once they entered the Tribe, she could take a plunge in the icy waters to rinse off the dirt that was accumulating on her skin. She also had tried to look for Amim, thinking that maybe he had been stowed on this ship, but it was in vain. He had been stationed on another.
Zuko had mostly been patrolling the hallways, leaving Milah in her quiet and concealed corner. He didn't want to be by her side much, seeing she was a distraction to him at every second she was near. So he spent his time finding out what Zhao's plans were for the Northern Water Tribe and if he had any news on the whereabouts of the Avatar. He had learned that the little kid had found a Master Waterbender in the Tribe, making it more difficult to catch him now than he was when he had only mastered Airbending.
But the Prince didn't give up on hope. Currently, he had found a white uniform somewhere in a storage room, and he thought it would be a good idea to take it with him, making it a nice disguise for when he would travel in the snow. That night he was supposed to leave, having heard that Zhao would attack tomorrow. Milah knew this too, having picked up on something when she would hear the men talking in the sleeping quarters.
Zuko walked around the corner then, surprising her. He usually didn't come until most of the men were already asleep, but today he had been early. He was also carrying some clothes and two cups of drinks for them. ''What are you up to?'' she asked him. He didn't reply, simply handing her one of the cups. She smelled jasmine tea, her favourite. She gladly took a sip, feeling thirsty. ''Thanks.'' He curtly nodded.
''Try to have some sleep. We're leaving early in the morning,'' he whispered then. She nodded and laid down, already feeling sleepier than before. And in not even two seconds, she was out.
''I'm sorry,'' Zuko whispered, brushing her cheek lightly with his calloused hand. He had secretly put a sedative in her tea. He didn't want her coming with him for she would only try and stop him from his goal, so he told Iroh to get her off the ship and to not let her go with the troops in the morning under any circumstance. She looked peaceful and calm, relaxing his mind from the horrible thing he had done. He could only hope she would not hate him for it, but he assumed the worst. What he'd done was despicable, but it was the only way.
Zuko quickly changed into his white attire and quietly made his way to where Iroh would be waiting for him. Once he arrived at the small opening of the ship, he prepared the boat for departure. His uncle appeared suddenly from around the corner.
''If you're fishing for an octopus my nephew, you need a tightly woven net, or he will squeeze through the tiniest hole and escape,'' his uncle jokingly said, a twinkle in his eye mixed with sorrow.
''I don't need your wisdom right now, uncle,'' he told the old man but regretting it upon seeing his face.
''I'm sorry. I just nag you, because... well,'' Iroh said, his voice breaking, ''ever since I lost my son...'' Zuko started to feel uncomfortable.
''Uncle, you don't have to say it,'' he urged him to stop.
''I think of you as my own,'' Iroh whispered, turning his eyes away from his nephew's. Zuko made way to him, feeling emotional as well.
''I know, Uncle. We'll meet again,'' Zuko said to him softly, hugging him. ''After I have the Avatar.'' Zuko didn't see the worry on Iroh's face when he said that, but the old General didn't like Zuko chasing the Avatar. His nephew turned around then, climbing in the boat. Iroh took a sharp intake of breath.
''Remember your breath of fire. It could save your life out there!'' Iroh warned the Prince, who simply sighed and nodded.
''I will,'' Zuko answered.
''And put your hood up. Keep your ears warm!'' Iroh once again exclaimed.
''I'll be fine!'' Zuko told his uncle, wanting to get away from him now. He didn't like the babying while he had a stressful and important mission ahead of him.
Iroh turned around after seeing Zuko disappear behind an iceberg, wanting to get to sleep. Milah wouldn't wake up until the sun would rise, so he had some time still.
The Water Tribe girl disguised as a male Fire Nation soldier woke up at the crack of dawn, feeling fatigued for some reason. She looked around herself, noticing Zuko wasn't in his bed, his uniform laying on his trunk. She thought that was strange and found herself sitting up, preparing herself for the day. Many soldiers were already up and running, so her walking around the ship wasn't an unusual thing. She was glad she found Iroh then, who beckoned her over towards a concealed corner.
''Milah, Zuko's left to capture the Avatar, and I want you to follow and stop him as best as you can,'' Iroh whispered. Milah was too startled to say something, feeling absolutely betrayed and saddened by the Prince's actions.
''What- but- how-'' she stuttered. Iroh hushed her, grabbing her arm.
''Quickly, this way now.'' He led her towards an opening in the ship which was often used for small boats to disembark. ''Use your Waterbending and find him quickly.'' He gave her a last hug, assuring her that they would see each other again. And with that thought, Milah jumped in the cold water, bracing herself for the impact it would give.
She would find him and stop him, no matter what the cost.
Little author's note: so I'm sorry if I kinda skipped the fortnight in that ship, but I didn't find it really interesting to write about it that much. I am far too excited to write about the second part of their journey, the one where both of them will really experience growth in character and the one where I like Zuko far better than he is now. So I'm sorry if that disappointed you, better is coming, I assure you haha!