~ Two Days Later ~

Five POV

We stood in the hall of the courthouse, waiting outside the makeshift wedding chapel, waiting for Klaus, who had insisted on being our flower girl, to get here.

Allison and Vanya stood with us, both dressed in some variation of navy blue, and Diego and Luther were crunched in there as well, snazzy dressed in their own navy blue accents. As for me, I wore a Khaki colored suit with a navy tie underneath, to fit the theme. Allison had coordinated all of our outfits. I must admit, she wasn't half bad at it.

And Dolores? Well, I wasn't sure yet. The girls wouldn't let me see her. They said it was bad luck.

The wedding officiator was a very familiar woman. It was Kenny's mom, who just so happened to also be the woman who pulled out in front of me several days ago. None of us had any idea she worked at the courthouse. She seemed a bit tense around us. Understandably so, after what she'd witnessed in that bowling alley.

'What time did we tell Klaus to be here?', I asked, getting impatient.

'9:00. That's thirty minutes ago.'

'He's probably working on his dress still.'

And oh yeah, Klaus had insisted on wearing a dress. He wouldn't let us see it. Said it was a major surprise. I dreaded the thought of it.

And then, we heard the front doors swing open, a set of footsteps, and then a smaller set of them following behind.

'That's them, I can see pink feathers.'

I rolled my eyes and groaned internally. Have mercy.

'We're here! We're here. Don't worry. Just got stopped in traffic. Then had to gather some essentials.', he said, running in.

He wore a pink dress entirely made of feathers, connecting to the neck with the head of a stuffed pink flamingo. Annie wore the same thing, in miniature. And his shoes.

My gosh, the shoes.

Four inch heels, Lord help us all.

'Can we get started now?', Kenny's mom asked, impatient with us.

'Yes, let's go.', I said, wanting to get to the part where I married Dolores as soon as possible. And the part where Klaus changes out of that dress.

'Wait, wait. Hold your horses, Mr. Groom. I'm in charge of the music, don't you remember?', Klaus said, matter-of-a-fact-ly, holding an old radio with a handle. I rolled my eyes again.

'Who put him in charge of that?'

'Nobody else offered to do it...', Allison answered, cringing.

Klaus scurried into the wedding chapel, setting the radio down on a pew, clicking it open and popping a CD inside.

Then, a terrible remix of Nicki Minaj's Starships and Pachelbel Canon in D started playing.

'Klaus!', Diego said

'Don't get your panties in a wad, Diego. This is a classical bop.'

'I'm just gonna ignore that.', Kenny's mom said carrying her book and starting down the aisle. I followed after her, taking my place on her left.

Diego and Luther came next, as they were my groomsmen. They stood on my left side, both calm. Luther still seemed a bit disoriented in the head, but he was okay, Allison had told us.

Allison came next, carrying a small bouquet of white flowers. She smiled as she came down the aisle, trying to stifle a laugh. Klaus' choice of music was interesting.

Vanya, offering to be the ring bearer, came down the aisle next. She carried the rings on a pillow. Klaus had taken it upon himself to cross-stitch this pillow for us, embroidering a little Dolores and a little me holding hands under a rainbow, sitting on a cloud, with the sloppy letters 'Folores Forever' stitched on the top.

Klaus and Annie came next, each carrying a little basket of flower petals. They flopped them out on the aisle as they walked.

'Are those the petals from the flowers in the landscaping?', Kenny's mom asked, appalled.

Klaus smiled. 'Yes? And were the bushes getting married? No.'

Kenny's mom shrugged it off.

Then, she walked down.

Dolores, dressed in a simple white dress, her curls let loose over her shoulders, absolutely stunning. Diego patted me on the back as she made her way to us.

She stood in front of me, her face turning red as she looked down at the ground, and then back up at me.

'Gorgeous.', I mouthed to her, making her grin.

'Ahem. We are gathered here today to witness the union of this man, and this woman.'

'Awwwww!', Klaus said, sitting in the pew in front of us, doing a golf clap.

'Klaus, shut up.', Luther scolded. Klaus folded his arms and smirked.

'May I have the rings?'

'Oh, sure.', Vanya said, stepping over.

Then, the rings fell of Klaus' embroidered pillow, rolling into the floor.

'Crap!'

'I get them!', Annie said, hopping up from her seat and running after them, making us all chuckle.

She picked them up, turning to us.

And before we could stop her, she popped them into her mouth like candy and gulped them down like aspirins.

'Annie no!', Klaus yelled, running after her.

The little girl laughed. We all started freaking out, dispersing from the front of the chapel and getting to Annie.

'Somebody try to heimlich her!'

'She's not choking.'

'What are we supposed to do?'

'I knew I should have stopped and got her breakfast before we came.'

Dolores sighed.

'We're going to need to take her to the hospital.'

Then we all sighed collectively. Nothing ever goes as planned with my family.

'I'll drive.' , Vanya said, catching the keys from Klaus.

One hour later

'Yeah, so they gave her a crap ton of laxatives, we have to wait until the rings pass to get them.'

'Can they not just remove them surgically?'

'It's a lot healthier to just let it happen naturally.'

I sighed again, wrapping my arm around Dolores' shoulder as we sat in the waiting room.

'Where did Klaus go?', Dolores asked, missing the presence of that gosh awful pink flamingo.

'Cafeteria. He got hungry.'

Diego tapped on his phone, looking confused.

'What're you working on, Diego?'

'I found a website where you can become an ordained minister in ten minutes.'

I nodded. That's convenient.

Klaus came back after a few minutes, holding a hefty plate of mac n cheese, stuffing his face.

'What's up? Has she pooped yet?'

'Not yet. You really need to teach your kid not to just randomly swallow stuff.'

'The girl does whatever comes to her mind in the moment.'

Allison laughed. 'I wonder where she got that from?'

We all sat for a few minutes in silence, just waiting.

'Well, you can call me pastor Diego, now, ladies and gents.'

We all fake clapped, hooting and hollering, comically.

'What're you preaching this week?', Klaus asked, smiling at Diego widely.

'A parenting class. Specifically for you.'

A doctor came up to us all, folding his hands together.

'Did she poop?'

'Yes, she pooped.'

'She pooped!', we all yelled in unison, celebrating. We got several dirty looks from people across the waiting room, and nurses in the station.

'Here.' , the doctor said, holding a little plastic baggy out in front of him. 'We sanitized the rings for you.'

Diego took them, opening them up and placing them in Vanya's hand. She looked slightly disgusted.

'Alright Five, let's get y'all married.', Diego said, pulling his phone out.

We all rustled around, lining up like a wedding in the middle of the hospital waiting room.

'Can I play the music?'

'No Klaus.'

Dolores stood in front of me, laughing. I smiled back and laughed with her.

'Please join hands.'

Dolores and I stood there then, hands linked, ready for my brother to marry us.

'Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to witness the union of Dolores and Five.'

'Folores!', Klaus interjected.

'Correction, we are gathered here today to witness the union of Folores.'

'Now, may I have the rings?'

Vanya handed them to Diego, and he set them atop his phone screen, as he didn't have a bible.

'I don't have any official vows, so you two are gonna have to wing it and do your own.'

I looked into Dolores' eyes, asking her if this was alright by her. She shrugged and smiled.

'Okay.'

'Five, go should go first.'

Crap. What do I say? Keep it simple.

'I once said, 'When you know what you want, why waste time?'. You're what I want, Dolores, and you always will be. I love you. I promise that. And I promise to keep you safe and stay with you for as long as I'm alive.'

She smiled at me.

'Yeah, ditto.'

We all busted out laughing, thinking that was all she was going to say.

'No, I have more.', she said, still laughing.

She took a breath in.

'Five, when you took me out for coffee twelve days ago, I knew that we were meant to be together. I never believed in love at first sight, but then it went and happened to me. I saw your face, and I'm a believer.'

We all absolutely lost it at that part. Quoting songs in serious situations was Klaus' thing, but it looked like she'd picked it up.

'So I promise that I'll love you forever. And I will never leave you. I can't now. I love you too much.'

Klaus did a little golf clap at that, and I smiled.

'So, Five, do you take Dolores to be your lawfully wedded wife?'

'Yup.'

'And Dolores, do you take Five to be your lawfully wedded husband?'

'Heck yeah.'

'Now, by the power invested in me by the internet five minutes ago, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.'

And I did. In the middle of the hospital, everyone watching. As funny and dysfunctional as this wedding had been, it still felt so special. Dolores and I were joined now, for life. And I couldn't be happier.

'Woo!', Klaus yelled, getting rowdy. Luther whistled, and Diego laughed. All around us, the people, nurses, and even patients in the hall started clapping. Dolores' eyes scrunched up when she smiled, we were both so truly happy.

'Now, get outta' here!', Diego said, patting me on the back.

'We don't have a way to...'

'Yeah. We took care of that. Your getaway car is parked outside.', Allison said, smiling and giving Dolores a hug.

So I grabbed Dolores' hand, not looking back, and we ran down the halls, her dress swinging in the wind and my tie coming undone, laughing until we got out the hospital doors.

And sitting right in front of the doors, Klaus' car sat there, painted up with 'just married' written across the back windshield, and shoes tied to strings coming from the back.

'C'mon!', Dolores said, pulling my hand. We got in the car, and I kissed her again. When we broke away, I smirked at her.

'So, wife.'

'So, husband.'

'Where do you want to run off to? I'm your own personal travel agency now. Any place, any time you want.'

'Are you sure that's safe?', she said, laughing with elation.

'Oh, yeah. I've got it down pat now.'

She thought for a moment.

'Why don't you whisk me away to 1820's, London, England?', she said, mocking a British accent at the end.

I smirked again.

'Ask, and you shall receive.' I grabbed her hand.

'We shall make our departure.', I said, mimicking her fake accent.

She squealed in excitement as she braced herself, waiting for the impact.

And I blinked, bringing us through the space-time continuum with ease. We fell from a hole in the sky onto a patch of manicured grass, and I laughed, satisfied with myself. It had worked.

Dolores, sprawling her hands out in the grass, turned to me and gave me a kiss. The sky was blue, the air smelled fresh and clean, and here we were, on a honeymoon trip unlike any other in the history of time, having hacked the laws of the universe.

We laughed as we laid there. We kissed again, and I felt her smile. Everything was absolutely perfect.

And then, a figure came over us, blocking our sun. I opened my eyes to see a woman, dressed richly, staring down at us in confusion.

'What art thou doing, lying in the yards? The king is coming to have a round of archery.'

Dolores looked up, surprised.

'That's not how they talked in the 1820s.'

I looked at her.

Crap.

'Yeah, that's not what they wore either.'

The woman wore a Tudor style gown, large, voluminous sleeves, and a boxy hat that framed her face.

We popped up from the grass, seeing a medieval styled palace, banners adorned with a red and white rose hanging all around.

Dolores and I looked at each other, eyes wide.

'Crap.'