Chapter 18 – The Cottage
When Zuko woke up the next morning, Milah was gone. His uncle was still fast asleep on his blanket, snores coming out of his mouth. He tried to ignore the pain in his chest that had been present since the night he left Milah and Iroh and instead focussed on trying to wake his uncle.
Meanwhile, Milah had left the pair to try and find some water to take back to the injured old man. To be honest, she couldn't stand seeing Zuko asleep, his breath coming out in gentle puffs and making her hands tingle with a need to touch him. When she looked upon his mouth she could still feel his kiss which he had given her only two weeks ago. She shook her head rapidly, wanting to clear out her thoughts about the matter. It didn't do her any good. He had made it clear what he felt for her. Or didn't, for that matter.
He doesn't love you, she kept repeating to herself, a lump forming in her throat, not like you love him.
Because even after all the shit he had put her through, she still loved him. So fucking much.
After a while, she finally came across a waterbody. Her stomach had begun growling a while ago, making her wonder when she had eaten last. The sun was already high up in the sky.
She arrived back at the cottage around the end of the day. A few pauses along the way back to grab some fruit and much-needed rest had done wonders for her mood. She was now 100% prepared to face a certain Prince and an inevitable talk.
However, when she entered the cottage, she only saw Iroh. Zuko was gone. Her good mood plummeted instantly, fear growing in her stomach. Fear for losing him once again.
''Did he-'' she got out with a whisper but had to break off, a lump growing in her throat. ''Did he leave? Again?'' Iroh looked at her with a confused look over his face.
He doesn't love you.
''I don't think so,'' he admitted finally, standing up with a groan. ''He'll be back. On another note, we thought you had gone. For what it's worth, I'm glad you came back.''
Milah came to her senses then, smiling appreciatively and going over to Iroh, forcing him to sit down again so she could heal him properly.
''How are you?'' she asked him after some time. The wound was healing more slowly than usual, seeing the severity of it.
''I'm well, thank you for asking, Milah,'' Iroh told her with a soft smile. ''Although I could use some roast duck!'' Together they laughed at that. Thunder rolled in the background, making worry settle in both their stomachs.
''Where did he go?'' she dared ask. Iroh averted his eyes.
''I taught him about a new Firebending move today. It's one I made up myself by studying Waterbenders,'' he told her. Milah's eyebrows raised with an impressed look. She had always known that Iroh was different from most Firebenders. ''It diverts lightning when it is directed to you. The move essentially lets the energy in one's body flow just like it can do with lightning.'' Milah nodded with understanding. Waterbending dealt with the flow of energy as well.
Iroh looked at her with a strange look. ''He was worried about you. I think he set out to find you, but I couldn't be sure.''
He doesn't love you.
Milah didn't answer him.
At the same time, Zuko had reached the highest mountain top in the area. From here he had a view on a vast expanse of land, making it easier for him to find the Waterbender he had been worried about all day. Did she leave him just like he left her? Was she on her way again to find her family? Should he have stayed back to wait for her?
Lightning flashed over him, rain pouring down instantly. A heavy feeling of regret washed over him together with the rain.
Worthless. Without honour. What was there left for him except disgrace? Nothing.
By the time Zuko had come back from his nightly adventure, Milah had fallen asleep together with Iroh. She had tried staying awake for him but had fallen asleep eventually. Only the soft thuds of his footsteps awoke her from her slumber.
When she opened her eyes, the golden pair she had wanted to secretly see all day stared back into hers. It was almost like the world stood still for a moment.
Both were silent for a few seconds before Zuko sat down next to her, his hair and clothes dripping wet from the rain. Milah sat up from her place by the fire as well, needing to talk to the Prince.
''I know you probably don't want to hear this,'' he began softly with a hoarse voice. ''But for what it's worth, I'm sorry.'' His hands were white from the tight grip he held them in. His breath came out rather shaky and when she looked at his face, she could see his eyes were red.
''Have you been… crying?'' she replied with confusion. He turned his head away from her in answer. She sat up on her knees in front of him to grab his chin so she could turn his head back but he caught her hand before she could do so. A warm feeling spread across her entire arm in less than a second, making her cheeks heat up.
''What if I have? Will you accept my apology then?'' he retorted, his eyes meeting hers once more. His stare was penetrating her, heating her core relentlessly.
''I don't know,'' she answered honestly. His hand still holding hers. ''I don't know if I can forgive you.'' He nodded with pursed lips, finally releasing her hand. Coldness took over again.
''Remember what you promised outside the border of my Tribe?'' she asked him with a newly formed lump in her throat. ''You promised me you wouldn't leave me. You promised-'' but she had to cut herself off for the second time that day, a tiny sob escaping her mouth. She scolded herself in her head. She didn't want to expose herself like that. Not to him.
He doesn't love you.
Zuko closed his eyes upon hearing the sob coming out of her mouth. He hated himself for it. For the pain he had caused her over and over again. He reached out to her, wanting to pull her into a hug. To comfort not only her but him as well. The need to touch her had never been as great as it was at that moment.
But before he could do so, she had scooted over to the fire once more and laid down in front of it again. ''Milah-'' he began but was cut off by her.
''This conversation is over,'' she said harshly and with a strong voice, not leaving any room for arguments.
Zuko decided that this was as good a time as any to lie down as well. He could feel and hear her shivers.
''You'll get frostbite,'' he told her after some time had passed. The fire had almost died and since the rain was still relentlessly going on, there was no way there would be any dry firewood close by to get it started again.
''I-I w-won't,'' she stuttered back from the cold, her teeth chattering between the words. He almost laughed at her stubbornness.
''Yes, you will,'' he replied with a smile on his face. ''I know you probably hate me right now-''
''Damn r-right I-I d-do,'' she almost shouted back. Iroh kept continuing snoring, oblivious of the situation. Unwanted hurt grew in his chest. She had every right to hate him, but that didn't make the blow hit less hard.
''I only wanted to say that I can warm you up. It doesn't have to mean anything,'' he said softly. His smile had disappeared.
''It never meant anything before either,'' she only spoke without any stutter, not moving from her place. Her shivers continued.
Not too long after, Zuko fell asleep with an empty pit in his stomach. The fire had died permanently, making the room icy cold once more. Milah's fingers and toes were numb as well as the tip of her nose.
Okay, fine, let's take it to hell, she finally let herself think and turned over towards the comfortable looking Fire Nation Prince. He was lying on his back, his right arm tucked underneath his head and his left on his stomach. Carefully, she pressed herself against him and as if he was awake, he took away his right arm from under his head and wrapped it around her, letting his cheek rest atop her hair. His left arm grabbed the hand that was now resting on his chest, filling it with warmth once more.
Finally, she could rest peacefully.
For the week that followed, Milah declared it unwise to travel for Iroh, so they stayed in the cottage. Every night, she was pressed against Zuko for warmth since the weather didn't improve at all. Meanwhile, Zuko trained every day and Milah watched him every day. It was hard not to. The way his body moved and the determined look in his eyes made her slowly forget why she was mad at him in the first place.
However, Milah made it a habit to resume her training as well. She tried to be careful with the water she had required so she wouldn't spill too much. She knew it was a long walk to the waterbody she had found the other day and didn't want to make that walk again. So her training was limited.
Zuko made sure to take his breaks at times where Milah decided to continue her training. He knew it was wrong, but he didn't care. Not when he started noticing Milah watching him train. An eye for an eye, or something like that.
The way her body moved with the water enticed and thrilled him, making his pants strain with the effort to contain a certain hard part of his body. God, had he missed Milah. He knew that the bodily response to her being was somewhat inappropriate, but he once again didn't care. It was not like he was going to act on it. He wouldn't dare, not when he would definitely lose that part of his body by her hand if he ever tried.
They left their cottage on the first sunny morning since the week before. Milah started it off by giving Iroh one last healing session before declaring that they could finally get moving once more, wanting to find better shelter than the cottage they stayed in currently had. Zuko was less enthusiastic about this, seeing he didn't want the nights with Milah in his arms to stop. Even when he could barely stop himself most moments from grabbing her cheeks and kissing her until she would gasp his name like he had heard her do last night in her sleep.
Fuck, he thought again, his restraint falling into place once more. Milah and Iroh were riding their ostrich horse. He had volunteered to take the first shift walking, wanting to clear his head from the previous night. The noises Milah had made in her sleep – little gasps and moans – had made him absolutely crazy. To top it off he had even heard her whisper his name, although it could be his imagination. That morning he had gone off with a lame excuse, wanting to have a moment of privacy to… relief himself.
Another week went by occupied by travel. Mountains passed and occasionally made a place for forests, followed by the border of a desert. The Si Wong Desert, he remembered from his studies. His teacher warned him about the desert multiple times, saying that once you lose your way in there, you never find your way back.
The three of them sat together in a circle around a fire after a long day of travelling when a new moon on one particular night made Milah somewhat melancholic. A feeling of loneliness settled in her stomach with a heavy blow. The faces of her brother and sister appeared in her mind unannounced, making the feeling worse. She lied down on her back, gazing at the stars that, luckily, could be seen through the foliage. It was a clear night, indicating that it would be cold, so she expected Zuko to move over to her side any minute. Except, he didn't this time.
After a soft goodnight from Iroh and his snoring not too long after, Milah decided to look up where Zuko was. He had lied down as well, but it was on the other side of the dying fire. Milah turned on her side to face him, waiting for him to look up as well. When he didn't do that either, she closed her eyes, trying to sleep despite the cold already gnawing on her fingers and toes.
The freeze matched her mood well. The hole in her heart got bigger with every moment that Zuko didn't move. Softly, tears started to well in her eyes.
God, when have I become so weak? she asked herself in her head. She had been crying so much lately.
''Zuko,'' she whispered with a tear-filled voice and before she could stop herself. She closed her eyes, not wanting to bear the consequences.
''Yes,'' he replied softly, not looking at the woman who had been driving him mad today.
''Will you please lie with me?'' she asked him before she lost her courage.
And so Zuko went over to the girl who held his heart captive and pressed her against his warm body. Immediately, he could feel her body relax against him, filling him with a sense of pride together with a feeling that scared the wits out of him.
And when he was certain that she was asleep, he pressed his lips against her cheek, whispering, ''I love you too.''
A/N: so, I know I said that I would update 4 chapters at a time, but sadly since I work 30 hours a week it is impossible and I just wanted to get this off my chest. I am well underway with the next chapter tho, so I hope to publish it later this week and otherwise next week! I also speculate that there will be 3-4 chapters left for this part of the book, so part 3 will almost begin… I think that one is going to be the hardest to write since Zuko's character arc will be verrrrry difficult by then, but oh well, we'll see :).
Shout out to Sapphire12985 and Vosck! You guys make my day 3