Sirius sat on the floor of what was once his brother Regulus's bedroom.
It was ironic the way that things worked. For all the years that Sirius grew up in this house, he had spent as little time as possible in his brothers room. Now he spent every second that he could spare trying to find any trace of his brother. Ginny had always told Sirius that the preconceived imagine he had of his brother was far from the truth. She told him more than once that Regulus was nothing like the rest of the Black family. Eventually she stopped dropping hints and the topic was never discussed again. Sirius had always assumed she could tell how little he cared, and that he had no intentions of reconciling with his brother. Now he wondered sometimes if she felt guilty, knowing that Regulus was working against You Know Who and that in the future he wouldn't be known as anything more than a death eater who died shortly after joining up.
"Sirius?" Remus called, opening the door slowly as he stuck his head in.
"Over here," Sirius called back, putting his quill down on the floor beside him and standing up to greet his friend.
"What's that?" Remus asked, nodding his head towards the parchment Sirius had been scribbling on moments before.
"A list, everyone who knew Gin- everyone from both lives," Sirius responded picking the parchment off the floor and blowing on the ink before handing it to Remus.
Remus took the list in his hand and looked it over.
"I highly doubt that Ginny left a horcrux with Petunia Dursley," Remus said, handing the list back chuckling.
"No of course not, but Lily used to talk about her sister- she used to tell us she was her best friend.."
"Until she wasn't anymore- besides Ginny grew up here with Harry she knew how his Aunt treated him," Remus responded.
"This isn't a list of who has a horcrux this is list of who might be hiding Ginny," Sirius corrected.
"You think Petunia Dursley would help hide Ginny Weasley- when she couldn't even find it in her heart to love her own nephew."
"I don't know ok! Merlin, I'm just trying to put the pieces together, if she's not dead then where is she? I spent twelve years in Azkaban Remus, and it's nothing compared to how it felt to look for her, to wonder.."
"I know Sirius, I was there, I remember. Anytime there was a mention of her anytime you saw a woman with red hair. We all saw what it did to you, Lily was more sensitive then the rest of us, she got rid of the letters-" Remus stopped talking suddenly, his face turned pale. There was a look of terror on his face that Sirius often saw before a transformation. Only it was weeks until a full moon and it was the middle of the day.
"What letters?" Sirius asked.
"It was never my place to tell, Lily hadn't even told James she was doing it until he caught her one day," Remus began frantically, holding up his hands in surrender as he spoke.
"James kne-"
"Look, all I know is that Ginny sent you two letters, and Lily read them, she decided that you weren't in a state of mind to see it, so she threw them out."
"She was writing to me," Sirius responded slowly.
He suddenly felt light headed. For years he searched for her, for years his thoughts were only of her, her brown eyes, her red hair, the way the freckles danced across the bridge of her nose, the way she would shoot him a sideways glance and he immediately knew what thought crossed her mind, the way she selfless took care of everyone.. thousands of thoughts, thousands of moments replaying in his head. And Lily- James's Lily, his friend, Ginny's friend, had tossed her letters aside as if they were nothing.
"James caught her, and he was furious- do you remember when Lily left, she went to go stay with the Longbottom's. It was the first time they fought, she was gone for almost a week?" Remus asked.
He was trying to rationalize, he was making excuses. Sirius was having none of it, Lily and James were gone, but Remus, he was here.
"You knew she was writing to me," Sirius said, his eyes darkening as he looked at Remus.
"When I found out you were in a good place, you were finally happy- you stopped looking for her you were moving on-"
"You knew she writing to me," Sirius repeated.
"I didn't know until much later! And what good would it have done, I never saw the letters, I didn't-"
"You knew! Merlyn Remus it's not even just about me anymore! You watched her parents cry, you've watched everyone loose hope. Bloody hell Mooney you've known that she was alive for years and you said nothing!"
"What was there to say, that before Gin-"
"There was everything to say, Arthur thinks his daughter is dead! Molly is a wreck! Alastor thinks we're wasting resources chasing after a girl whose been dead for years. All you had to do was confirm that she was alive-"
"Sirius that was over ten years ago. Any letters that came stopped as soon as James and Lily died," Remus responded.
"It doesn't matter, all you had to do was give them hope," Sirius said, his tone was calm, but his face and posture was anything but. "This is so much bigger than Ginny and I. Her existence effects so many people."
"I know I should have said something, but it all happened so quickly. I made a judgment call then, and I had to make the same call now."
"You're right," Sirius said quietly.
"Sorry?" Remus asked, taken aback.
"You're right, telling me back then would have sent me spiraling again," Sirius mumbled.
"I should have said something, even now I watched as you fell apart thinking she didn't care about you, when I figured out who she really was I should have spoken up" Remus responded.
Sirius just nodded, but he didn't need to respond, he understood why Remus did what he did. Remus always did the right thing and he was loyal and a good friend. Keeping this secret did as much damage to him as it did to Sirius.
"Does anyone else know?" Sirius asked.
"You're the only person I told," Remus responded, running his hand over his face.
"Lets keep it that way," Sirius said softly.
"You don't want me to tell Arthur and Molly?" Remus asked, looking up surprised.
"No good will come of bringing it up now. The fact that you've kept this secret from them for all these months... they won't trust you, they'll jump to conclusions."
Remus nodded, before responding "What about Severus?" Remus asked.
Sirius didn't respond right away, he walked over to the bed, the list clasped tightly in his hand as he took a seat.
"We don't tell Severus either."