SONG OF THE WEST
an Inuyasha fanfic
xxxv.
When Rin, prodded along by Master Seiten, took her leave of the fraught scene within Inspector Ungai's tent, a small crowd of soldiers had formed around the canvas structure, summoned by the tense atmosphere, loud noise, and the rare promise of a skirmish between well-known members of the genteel class. Their eyes alighted upon her and her now-tattered couriers' uniform with the confused curiosity one would have when watching some foreign spectacle at the fair.
Did they know? Word about her identity would not have spread so quickly, would it?
A familiar figure pushed through the retreating crowd, effortlessly sliding past the bodies of the older, larger men.
"Rin!" Seiryo called out. "What's going on?"
Rin froze. "I—"
Thankfully, Master Seiten saved Rin the embarrassment of an explanation.
"Return to your station."
Seiryo hesitated and glanced at Rin, who cast her brown eyes to the ground.
"Move along!" Seiten bellowed. "You all have your duties to fulfill."
There was an indistinct murmur of disappointment, but the crowd slowly dispersed. Rin sighed. She would not have to perform her march of shame with an audience.
"Go to the tent," Seiten said. "I'll fetch the horses."
The general's tent was just as she left it: tidy and spacious, with the dressing screen on the far left, Lord Sesshōmaru's writing desk in the center, and two cots on the far right. There they had eaten together, slept, and conversed like good friends. It had been like a dream, from which Inspector Ungai and Lord Tōga had forcibly awoken her.
After changing out of her ruined uniform and into some extra clothing, Rin rolled up her tatami and collected her other belongings: her mother's comb, her sandogasa, and her own tantō. The golden whistle around her neck jangled softly against the objects in her hands.
The forest was cold and dry and much more inhospitable than a few hours earlier at the lake. On the quiet journey towards honjin, Rin took the time to rehearse how she would explain herself to Lord Tōga. She supposed she would first clarify that everything was her idea—that she had disguised herself as a boy to join the effort based only on an old fable and her own silly thoughts. She would tell Lord Tōga that she begged Lord Sesshōmaru—harangued him, even—until the young Lord allowed her to come. She would ensure that Sesshōmaru was rendered a guiltless party entirely, so that she might receive the brunt of whatever punishment Lord Tōga most likely had in store for them.
The more reasonable part of her knew he would never believe her, no matter how true her words were. But it was certainly worth a shot.
Rin had only ever seen honjin from its outskirts during the rare occasions she was forced to deliver a message there and had to make do with begging another courier or soldier to take her shipment to the Inu no Taishō in her stead. Lord Tōga's camp was much larger than those of the other generals, with dozens of soldiers walking about, and thus dozens more tents pitched for sleeping and supply keeping. Directly in the center of the circularly arranged settlement was a sizable tent, belonging to none other than Lord Tōga himself, with the white and blue stripes and the mon of the Tokudaiji clan.
The journey towards the commander's tent felt longer and more nerve-racking than their time in the forest. Soldiers who briefly abandoned their tasks to give Master Seiten the wonted bow of obeisance found their eyes fixed on the small and slightly disheveled ersatz soldier on a golden horse next to him, before being rebuked by one stern look from the second-in-command.
When they were close enough to the tent, a soldier stepped forward to retrieve their horses. The two dismounted, and Seiten walked first towards the commander's tent, which was bustling with the lively, warm voices of young men. Rin watched awkwardly as Seiten peeked his head into the tent's entrance.
"Good afternoon, Master Seiten!" one voice said.
"We've altered sleeping arrangements," Seiten said quickly. "Retrieve your belongings and report to the supply tent for further instructions."
The joyous noise dwindled to a confused silence. Still, the young men must have been quick to obey, for soon all six of them emerged from the tent one-by-own, with their tatami and other belongings in their hand. Each threw Rin a quizzical look as they passed. Rin kept her gaze lowered.
"Come," Seiten beckoned to her once the other young men—presumably couriers—were gone.
Lord Tōga's tent was much larger than Sesshōmaru's, with a similarly austere set up: a dressing screen; a storage chest; a wooden stand for Lord Tōga's ō-yoroi; and a tatami for a writing desk, there were two large, simple wooden tables, one with a large map of the capital and the surrounding woods and villages. The room was sparse now, but Rin imagined it had been much more cluttered when the personal effects of the other couriers still filled the room. It smelled overwhelming of Lord Tōga—campfire smoke, cedarwood, and the outdoors. This might've been comforting after months of not seeing him, if not for the fraught circumstances and the metallic odor of blood emanating from the ominous animal skin on the third table. Rin grimaced at the sight of it.
"Unpack your belongings," Seiten said, still standing on the tent's threshold. "The commander will be back soon."
Rin spoke up quickly. "Master Seiten?"
"Yes?"
"What's going to happen now?" Rin asked.
Seiten allowed a pang of sympathy to cross his face, if only for a moment.
"I do not know," he responded truthfully.
To Rin, this answer did not feel like a good sign.
"I advise you not to fret, though," Seiten offered. "It will only make things worse."
Rin frowned but nodded. Seiten gave her a small nod in return before leaving the tent for good.
It did not take Rin more than a few minutes to unfurl her tatami and reorganize the few items she had brought with her. So she sat alone in the tent for a little under an hour, fiddling with the golden whistle and wondering what was to become of her now that her and Sesshōmaru's secret was out.
She certainly could not stay in the camps. Lord Tōga's tone had all but outright stated that in Inspector Ungai's tent. Rin supposed he might send her back to Shiraoi, or even the West, since the conflict had calmed slightly…
Rin froze at the thought. Would Lord Tōga send her off without allowing her to see Lord Sesshōmaru? With each day that passed, it seemed like the war would stretch on without end. When would they see each other again?
Outside, a horse whinnied. Rin could hear Lord Tōga's heavy boots against the packed dirt and trampled grass, followed by Seiten's less irritated footfalls. As soon as the tent flapped open, Rin was on her feet.
"Lord Tōga—"
Rin paused. Lord Tōga pointedly avoided looking at her, but she could still see the stream of somewhat dried blood that had flowed from his nose bridge and nostrils to his upper lip.
"What happened to your nose?" Rin asked cautiously.
Lord Tōga ignored her and crossed the room to sit at his desk. Seiten, who followed him with a few basic medical supplies, wiped away the blood with a rag.
Rin spent the next few minutes watching Seiten tend to Lord Tōga's mysterious injury in dejected silence. Despite Seiten's thorough care, whatever happened to Lord Tōga's nose would most likely leave a bruise.
"Lord Tōga," Rin started again. "It was my idea to disguise myself, not Lord Sesshōmaru's."
Lord Tōga let out a grunt of displeasure. Seiten shot her a warning look.
Rin continued quickly. "It's all my fault. Please don't be angry with him."
"How charming," Lord Tōga responded, his deep voice oozing with sarcasm. Then, to Seiten, he said: "Ensure the men do not take Sai Hu back to the stable."
Seiten nodded and made yet another swift exit, leaving Rin and Tōga alone in the large tent.
Rin stood quietly with her hands clasped before her chest. Without sparing her so much as a passing glance, Lord Tōga stood and dug through his storage chest. He pulled out a long, brown bamboo rod, rough in texture, that twisted at its middle before straightening to a thin, dull point. Though it appeared to be delicately carved, Rin could see that the thing had some weight to it.
Lord Tōga's golden eyes finally met hers. "Come here."
Rin froze. She might not have known much about the army past her courier duties, but she recognized that the object in Lord Tōga's hand was most likely a scourge of some sort.
He wasn't actually planning to beat her, was he?
Lord Tōga seemed to detect this unvocalized fear instinctually. He approached her with a small, disapproving scowl.
"I will not beat you," he said, grasping Rin's forearm. "Come along."
Rin hesitated but had no choice but to obey, owing to Lord Tōga's firm grip. He led her out of the tent and through the camp, where she received more bewildered stares from the soldiers, to a plain tent on the outskirts of the camp.
The tent was small and barren, with not even a simple tatami to protect one from the hard ground. When she was in its center, Lord Tōga released her.
"Kneel," he instructed.
Rin swallowed. "Lord Tōga—"
"In seiza, preferably," Lord Tōga hastened. "Like we taught you at Asano castle."
Rin fell silent and slowly stooped to the ground, positioning herself in seiza as best as she could remember: her legs beneath her thighs, knees together, with the tops of her feet flat against the ground.
"Do not move a single centimeter until I return," Lord Tōga instructed.
Rin's brows furrowed. "Where are you—?"
Ignoring her yet again, Lord Tōga took his leave of the small tent, scourge still in hand.
Rin did not realize this was her punishment until a few minutes in, when her legs tingled all over from the pressure of supporting the rest of her body. For a proper lady, the task would have been simple. For her, so unused to being in such a position for extended amounts of time, it soon felt like her legs were being pierced by a thousand needles.
Despite this almost unendurable feeling, Rin did not dare adjust her position, as Lord Tōga had instructed. She did not yet have the gall to test Lord Tōga's patience further. And, at least, this was not the worst pain she had ever felt in her life.
His mind drifted again to Lord Sesshōmaru. He was no doubt being punished as well, despite her pleas to Lord Tōga. Rin felt a fatigue wash over her at the thought. She might have cried if not for her extreme thirst.
As hours passed and the bright sunlight that had cast the tent a pale yellow waned and became the pale white of the moon, the prickling feeling dulled into nothing at all. It was as if her legs, bemused by this less-than-desirable experience, had withdrawn all together, leaving behind two useless—and now slightly weightier—things on which to support herself.
Her mind was also becoming weary from a long day of staring at a plain tent wall. She might have fallen asleep like that and remained there all night if the tent hadn't flapped open behind her, and she had not once again heard familiar weighty footfalls next to her.
Rin peered up at Lord Tōga through sleepy eyes. Wordlessly, Tōga outstretched his arms to her. Rin accepted this, and soon she was being cradled like a child in Lord Tōga's arms.
She must've fallen asleep as soon as they returned to the tent, for she woke up on her tatami mat, with, in addition to her horribly sore legs and back, and an achingly empty stomach and dry mouth.
"Are you hungry?" Lord Tōga asked. He was standing near the tent's entrance, stirring what smelled to be kayu in a small pot.
Rin nodded eagerly. Lord Tōga prepared her a bowl, and in no time, she devoured it. It was plain, but more than enough for her. Her stomach pain subsided some, leaving a dull, unfamiliar ache in her lower abdomen.
She glanced at Lord Tōga, who sat at his desk again. He seemed to be in a slightly more pleasant mood than he was the day prior, despite the dark bruise that had erupted around his nose.
"Did Lord Sesshōmaru do that?" Rin asked, her voice only a whisper.
"Unfortunately, yes," Lord Tōga responded. "I commend you for showing some maturity and leaving when you did."
Rin grimaced. Things must have gotten worse after Seiten escorted her to honjin, then.
"Am I going back to Shiraoi?" she asked.
"No; I'm sure you would find some way to sneak off again if I sent you there."
Rin flushed in shame.
Lord Tōga continued. "Lord Bokusenō's manor is close to the capital, beyond the conflict area. I'm placing you in his care, as I should have done initially."
Rin's heart dropped. "What about Lord Sesshōmaru?"
Lord Tōga's eyes narrowed. "What about him?"
She had struck a nerve. Despite this, she went on: "Can't I see him before I go?"
"Surely you jest," Lord Tōga scoffed.
The pitiful look on Rin's face told him she did not.
"You two have seen enough of each other these past few months," Lord Tōga said bitterly. "I'm certain you both can be apart until the war ends."
Rin whined and tried to stand in spite of her sore legs. "Lord Tōga—"
"Be silent," Lord Tōga commanded. "It would be better to preoccupy yourself with resting than what he is doing."
And that was that. Lord Tōga turned away from her, and, defeated, Rin recoiled into her blankets once more.
She found the day sluggish without her typical courier duties. Instead of delivering letters and helping about the camp, two tasks she had thoroughly enjoyed despite Lord Tōga's apparent disapproval, Rin laid in bed with her gaze towards the ceiling, attempting to recall the look of the cool winter sky or the feel of the grass beneath her feet, wondering when Lord Tōga would exile her to Lord Bokusenō's mysterious manor as the seconds blurred into minutes and hours. Couriers—none from Lord Sesshōmaru's sonae—came in and out with their missives for the commander. They always took a moment to glance their eyes at Rin's recumbent form, in what was likely their first time seeing a woman since the war began.
For once, Rin could not bring herself to care about this unwanted attention. She merely hoped that one of those notes in the couriers' hands might be addressed to her from Lord Sesshōmaru. Not that it mattered—she could not read, and Lord Tōga would never allow her to take it.
But, to her surprise, in the evening when Lord Tōga and Seiten were off doing some unknown task, Rin received an unexpected guest.
"Rin!" a male voice hissed.
Rin sat up and glanced around the tent. No one was there but her.
"Rin? Are you here?"
The voice came again, this time from the other side of the tent, closer to the floor.
Warily, Rin crawled over to the location of the disembodied voice.
"…Seiryo?" Rin questioned.
Rin heard Seiryo release a thankful breath.
"We thought for sure the commander had sent you to the execution block," Seiryo said. "What's going on?"
Rin shrugged uncomfortably. "It's a lot to explain before the commander comes back."
"Are you truly a girl?"
Rin grimaced. "Yes."
"Rin!" Seiryo exclaimed. "If we had known, we wouldn't have said so many uncouth things around you."
Rin sighed. "Did the general send you?"
"After the commotion ceased yesterday, the general returned to his tent. No one has seen him since."
Rin frowned. Sesshōmaru keeping to himself was nothing out of the ordinary. But, seeing as how fiercely he had protected her in Ungai's tent, his continued absence felt… off.
"No one has seen him at all?" Rin asked.
"Well, the commander saw him after he got his nose patched up, but that's it," Seiryo said.
She had watched Master Seiten tend to Lord Tōga's broken and bloody nose, after which Lord Tōga had dragged her into that empty tent and made her kneel for hours while he was off somewhere else.
Rin's mind flickered back to the elaborate yet weighty bamboo whip that had given her pause the day before. If it had not been meant for her…
"What on earth are you doing?" Lord Tōga's deep voice called from the tent's entrance.
Outside, Rin heard Seiryo scramble to get away from the tent wall. Ignoring the pain pulsating throughout her legs, back, and abdomen, Rin stood and faced Lord Tōga with a frown on her face.
"You hurt Lord Sesshōmaru!" Rin exclaimed.
This outburst caught Lord Tōga off guard.
"I beg your pardon?"
Rin stood her ground. "Yesterday, when you had that whip. You beat Lord Sesshōmaru, didn't you?"
"That is the standard punishment for fraternizing with a woman while on duty," Lord Tōga said simply.
Rin stared at him in shocked silence. Suddenly, he seemed so cold to her.
His nostrils flared; the scowl he bore earlier returned. "Do you think I took pleasure in doing so? Despite what you two may believe, I still have a military campaign to manage."
"I told you it was my idea!"
"And? He still brought you here against my orders, knowing that I forbid women from the camp for a reason," Lord Tōga said. "If it had not been Ungai who had discovered your identity, what do you think would have happened?"
Rin frowned. "Lord Tōga—"
He cut her off. "Since you've been here this entire time, I'm sure you know about the heads that were outside the Crown Prince's camp."
Rin shivered at the memory of it. She would not let it slip that she was the one who discovered the heads.
"I know it was dangerous," Rin said, "but we—"
"That you are still trying to give me some pitiful excuse tells me you do not," Lord Tōga barked. "You could've died. We've lost face. And you two were in that tent doing who knows what—"
Rin grew flustered. "We did nothing—"
"That doesn't matter!" Lord Tōga said. "What does is that everyone believes you have."
Rin fell silent at that. She hadn't considered that their ruse could bring harm to Lord Sesshōmaru's reputation—then again, she had not been planning to get caught, either.
Lord Tōga was right. It had been irresponsible of her. She was the whore again; despite the soldiers not knowing of her sordid past, they most likely thought her one now that her secret was out.
The older man sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. His scowl was gone again, replaced this time by an exhausted expression.
"I have sent word to Lord Bokusenō to see if he can spare you an escort," Lord Tōga said. "Please attempt to cooperate until then."
Rin cast her eyes to the ground. With one last saddened glance towards her, Tōga left the tent. Outside, camp life continued without her.