Chapter 2: Thin line

Previously in this story:

Damon let out a shaky breath and climbed up a couple more steps before stopping again and angrily throwing the bottle as hard as he could against the wall, shattering it to pieces. Elena jumped at the abrupt action and ran up the stairs to his side without a second thought.

"Hey, it's okay." She cooed while she gently placed her hand on his shoulder.

He flinched at the contact, and she could feel his body trembling. She ran her hand over towards his back and drew small circles on it with her fingers, "I'm right here, Damon." She whispered reassuringly as she felt his body start to calm down.

He let out a quiet sob and looked up at the ceiling, inwardly cursing himself for being this weak in front of them. She ran her fingers up into his hair and brushed it back as he closed his eyes and for once just allowed himself to be cared for.

As his body finally stopped shaking, he took a deep breath and turned his head to look over at her and when he caught her eyes, all he saw was love. He let out a sigh of disbelief as a few stray tears fell down his cheeks and his voice cracked as he spoke, "I can't go in there, Elena. I just can't do it. I hate that I feel like this. I don't understand why her death is affecting me this way, I barely knew her. I just, those last moments I spent with her, giving her a peaceful dream to take away her pain, I don't know. I guess she reminded me of myself in a way, always running and never, never letting herself be at peace or feel happiness, constantly feeling alone."

Elena stared at him while she watched the pain in his eyes and couldn't stop the sob from escaping her. She threw her arms around him and pulled him against her, holding onto him as tightly as she could. "I didn't know you did that for her, Damon. That just proves to me even more how amazing you really are." She whispered into his ear, low enough so that Stefan wouldn't hear her. "I promise you; I will help you find peace and happiness. And I'll never let you feel alone, not anymore. I wish I met you sooner, but I found you now, and I'm never letting you go."

Stefan watched from the bottom of the stairs, and everything finally clicked. He felt terrible for not realizing how much pain his brother was in, he didn't even think about it when he ran into him earlier in the woods. Now as he saw his brother falling apart in front of him, all he wanted to do was comfort him, but he had a feeling that Damon would have a hard time accepting any type of love from him. He watched as Elena soothingly ran her fingers through his hair and over his arms while whispering words of comfort to him and he couldn't help but feel like he was interrupting an intimate moment that he wasn't meant to be a part of. So, as they were both wrapped up in each other, Stefan snuck out the front door and ran out into the woods to clear his mind. There was so much misery and horror surrounding them lately, it was suffocating every single one of them from every angle. As much as he wanted to be there for his brother, his main concern right now was to protect Elena.

Elena faintly noticed Stefan leave but made no comment on it while she stood in front of Damon, staring into his eyes with the most genuine look of concern. He never opened up to her the way he did tonight, and she needed to make sure he was going to be okay.

"Damon? What can I do to help you? Do you want to go back down by the fireplace? Or I could make up one of the spare bedrooms for you for the night? I can't leave you like this."

Damon reached out his hand and gently traced the contours of her face as a small smile pulled at the corners of his lips but then quickly faded, "You've done all you can do. Anything that I need, I can't have from you, and that's just something I need to accept. Thank you though, for comforting me. You have no idea how much it means to me that you're standing here with me right now." He dropped his hand from her face and before she could respond he continued his walk up towards his bedroom. Elena pondered what he said for a second before she swiftly turned around, ran up behind him and grabbed his hand, walking with him the rest of the way.

He squeezed her hand as they approached his room, pushed open the door and let out a ragged deep breath at the sight of his bed. Elena felt his body tense and quickly pulled him towards his bathroom so she could change his sheets, getting rid of the blood stains, while he took a bath.

He willingly followed her and watched her in a zombie like trance as she turned on the water in the tub, added all the right relaxing scents, and lit a few candles. She turned back towards him and noticed he was still stuck standing where she left him with a blank stare on his face.

"Damon? Hey? Come on, why don't you take a bath and I'll get your room ready for you, okay? Let me take care of you like you always take care of me. Please." She whispered as she ushered him over towards the tub.

He barely registered what she said but he nodded his head and began unbuttoning his shirt. She leaned up on her toes, pressing a tender kiss against his cheek and then his shoulder as she helped him slide his shirt off his arms. He quickly discarded the remainder of his clothes and when he was down to his boxers, Elena slightly blushed and turned around so he could remove them and get into the tub. Once she heard the water splashing from him getting in, she turned back around and slowly walked over to him.

He looked up at her and she saw his eyes filling with tears again, and all she wanted to do was kiss the pain away. She walked up behind him and lightly started to trace her fingers through his hair, down to his neck and began massaging his shoulders. He let out a low groan and sunk down lower into the warm water as she worked away all the tension built up in his muscles. She ran her hands down his chest and gently kneaded his pecs and then back up to his neck as he purred. He leaned his head back on the ledge of the tub and a soft whimper escaped his lips as her hands massaged down his arms and back up to his shoulders. She bent down and pressed tiny kisses across shoulders, trailing up his neck causing him to let out a breathless moan. "Elena, w-what are you doing to me?" he breathed out as she lightly pressed her lips against his ear.

He slowly turned his head to look back at her and swallowed the lump in his throat as he caught Elena staring at his lips. "I just want to comfort you and take away your pain. I hate seeing you like this." Her heart started beating out of her chest as soon as their eyes connected, and she had to fight back the urge to throw her arms around his neck and kiss him with everything she had. Her face turned pink at the thought, and she cleared her throat, quickly breaking eye contact.

"I-um, I should uh go get your room ready for you. Will you be okay if I leave you alone for a few minutes?" She soothingly ran her fingers through his hair one more time before standing up and forcing herself to back away from the tub.

Damon sprung forward, anxiously reaching towards her and grabbed her arm, splashing water up out of the tub from the urgency of his movement. She gasped and looked back into his eyes that were silently pleading with her to stay by his side. She nodded her head as she knelt next to him and felt his body instantly relax again. "I'm right here, Damon. I promise you; I will always be here."

He let out a sigh of relief while lacing his fingers in-between hers, bringing them up to his lips and placing a trail of kisses across her knuckles as his eye lids gently closed. Elena bent down and pressed a soft kiss against his cheek as she watched a single tear escape the corner of his eye. She lightly brushed her finger across his face to wipe away the wet trail the tear left behind before she rested her forehead against his for a moment and let out a deep breath, "Damon- I wish I could, I just wish I could show you"

She hesitantly pulled herself away from him and tried to catch her breath as he brought his hand up to her face and barely brushed his thumb over her bottom lip, "Show me what, Elena?" He whispered as tears gathered in his eyes again.

She tentatively reached out and traced his collarbone with the tips of her fingers, up the side of his face and swept the hair out of his eyes, "How much I love you." She said so quietly, if he were human, he wouldn't even have heard her. She tightly shut her eyes, trying to hold back the tears that were quickly building up, and then she felt his lips softly press against hers. She sighed happily as tears streamed down her face and tangled her fingers into his hair, holding onto him like she was afraid to let go. He grabbed the sides of her face and gently backed away, leaning his head against hers, as he tried to steady his breathing. He let out a quiet sob as she looked into his eyes and she pulled his lips against hers again, trying to take away all his pain. "Everything will be okay, Damon. I promise." He moaned softly as he felt the tip of her tongue teasing his lips and he opened his mouth to deepen the kiss, eagerly pulling her tongue into his. She trailed her hands down his chest and into the water, accidently brushing against his cock. He gasped into her mouth and buried his fingers into her hair, pulling her closer to him.

"Mmm, Elena, wait. We, uh fuck, we really shouldn't be doing this." He panted as she kissed up his neck and pulled his earlobe into her mouth.

She pressed a sweet kiss against his lips before standing up and stepping away from him, her cheeks instantly turning bright red. She cleared her throat and tried looking anywhere except into his eyes.

She heard him let out a sigh of distress and glanced back at him with furrowed brows "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get so carried away, I just wanted to kiss you. I didn't, I just, I'm sorry." He stuttered as he stared into her eyes, hoping that she wouldn't be mad at him and leave because he lost himself in the heat of the moment. She shook her head and giggled nervously, "Not everything is your fault you know. You really have no reason to apologize." She smiled and shrugged her shoulders watching as he relaxed back into the water.

"I'll be right inside, making your bed. I promise I won't go anywhere." She glanced back down into Damon's eyes one last time before prying herself away from him.

He tightly pressed his eyes shut as he groaned and leaned his head back on the side of the tub, listening to the sounds Elena was making in the other room. He could hear her removing the sheets from his bed and throwing them into the hamper. Then she opened his closet, he assumed searching for a new set to put on the bed and cursed to herself while she slightly struggled to put them on, which made him smile. But his smile quickly faded when he couldn't hear anything anymore and a wave of panic started to set in. He knew on some level that she would have to leave eventually but hoped she would at least have said goodbye.

He closed his eyes and a few tears rolled down his cheeks as he accepted that he would just have to deal with being alone for the rest of the night, or realistically, the rest of his life. He tried to focus on the memory of her soft hands running over his skin in the most comforting way, how her lips molded against his perfectly and the fact that she stayed with him even though Stefan was probably off brooding somewhere about it. He let out a low chuckle at that but then he faintly heard her heartbeat again and her soft footsteps approaching. He tensed up as he heard her hesitate for a second and take a deep breath before she walked back into the bathroom.

He looked up at her and couldn't help but smile as she slowly walked over to him holding a fluffy white towel and placed it down on the granite countertop. "I made your bed and cleaned up a little bit for you. There's a cup of warm blood sitting on the night table by your bed, and I even grabbed your favorite book for you in case you have a hard time falling asleep. I assume the waters getting cold by now so I um, well I should probably-"

"It's okay, Elena. I understand you have to go. You've done more than enough for me. Thank you, thank you for being here." He nodded his head, and watched Elena look down at her feet as she fought back tears, "Just, please call me if you need me. Promise me, okay?"

She peaked up at him through the tears stuck in her lashes and he just stared at her with a blank expression. He pressed his eyes shut and buried his head in his hands while he whispered something to himself under his breath.

"Damon?" She took a few steps towards him and gently placed her hand on his shoulder jolting him from his thoughts.

He dropped his hands down by his sides as his eyes shot up to hers. He blinked back the tears that started to gather and slowly felt like the walls were closing in on him. All he wanted to do was beg her to stay with him but knew he couldn't or shouldn't because she wasn't his.

His eyebrows scrunched together as he frantically searched his mind for the right words to say, something to somehow convince her not to leave him alone, "Elena, show me." He desperately blurted out.

She looked up into his eyes and hesitantly reached her hand out to cup his face. "Damon-"

"Elena, please, I- I need you to show me how much you love me."

As the words left his mouth, he felt like he was ripping his own heart out and placing it on display. He watched as over 100 emotions crossed her face as she tried to find the words to say, presumably the words to let him down easily, and it made him feel weak and pathetic.

He shook his head and let out a humorless laugh which made her drop her hand from his face. "Damon, what-"

He quickly threw his walls back up and a cold look glazed over his eyes as he tried his best to smirk and stood up out of the water, "Forget it, Elena. I should just be grateful you did as much as you did for me tonight. I'll be fine, just, go home. I'm sure Stefan is yanking his hair out by now worried sick about what I could possibly be doing to you, because he's not naïve like you are, he sees me for what I really am. So, thank you but you should just leave me be, goodnight, Elena." He nodded his head and stepped out of the tub, slightly brushing against her as he reached for his towel to wrap it around himself.

Elena stood there speechless; her cheeks were bright red as she watched his wet, naked body walk past her into his room. He slowly walked over towards his bed and saw how sweetly she put his room together for him making it even more difficult to keep his walls up. She took a deep breath trying to calm herself down before spinning around and rushing towards him, "You really are an idiot sometimes, you know that?!" Her cheeks were flaming red, and her heart was beating so hard she could hear it pounding in her ears.

He turned around to look at her and crossed his arms over his chest, "I'm an idiot now? Please, enlighten me as to what I did this time." He arched his eyebrow as he slowly walked over to her.

"STOP TRYING TO PUSH ME AWAY, DAMON! I really just, GOD, I don't understand you! I sat with you all night trying to comfort you and let you know that you're not alone and then you ask me to show you how much I love you and because I don't respond quick enough you just close me out again? I mean, look around! I-I did everything I could think of to make you feel comfortable tonight, I sat with you and held you while you cried, and when you kissed me, I had to fight against ever bone in my body to pull myself away from you because all I wanted to do was climb into the tub with you and melt into your body. How, how do you STILL not see how much I love you?!" Her chest was heaving, and tears were running down her face as she sobbed.

He stared at her and parted his lips, letting out a silent plea. He took a few steps closer to her but she backed away and shook her head. "Elena, I, I don't even know what to say."

She scoffed and rolled her eyes, "Well that's a first."

"You're right, Elena, I am an idiot. I got scared, after I made myself so vulnerable, and I panicked. I, I know that's no excuse, but it's the truth and, fuck, Elena, I'm so sorry." He pleaded as tears clouded his vision and he felt himself starting to tremble again. He waited for her to respond, watched her face for any indication of how she felt, but she looked like she wasn't even processing what was going on around her. "Elena, please." He whispered as he gently brushed her hair out of her face.

She blinked a few times and glanced up into his eyes, quickly wiping the tears from her face. He lightly ran his fingers through her hair, and she leaned into his touch. Her cheeks faintly blushed as her eyes traveled down his body and realized he was still only wearing a towel. She shook her head and quickly looked back up into her eyes.

He smiled as he stepped a few inches closer to her, invading her personal space. He gazed into her eyes and gently grabbed her hips, pulling her flush against his body, making her gasp. He slowly leaned down and brushed his lips across her neck while he trailed his fingers up the side of her body.

"D-Damon, I can't" She moaned as she felt his erection growing against her.

"Tell me to stop." He trailed his lips down her jaw and across her collar bone as he pushed his hand into her pants, running his fingers over the wet spot on her panties, growling in her ear.

She gasped and ran her hands up his chest, "Damon." She breathed out as he slid his finger into her underwear and pressed it against her clit, making small circles around it.

He ran the tip of his tongue around the shell of her ear breathing in her scent and groaned as he smelled her blood pumping beneath the delicate skin on her neck. His fangs started to come down and he gently ran them across her skin, and she tangled her fingers into his hair, pushing his mouth against her.

"Elena" He growled, and she moaned loudly as he increased the pressure against her clit.

"Elena?"

Elena blinked as she looked up at Damon and realized she still hasn't said anything to him. He was standing there, patiently waiting for her to say something. "I, I'm sorry I just completely spaced out. I, um, I got distracted." Her cheeks turned dark red as she tried to shake what she was just imagining from her head and heard him chuckle. "Distracted?"

She laughed and shook her head and took a few steps towards him, "I, I should really go. Are you going to be, okay?"

He shrugged his shoulders and smirked as he closed the distance between them, "If I say no, will you stay?"

"I, I mean, I really shouldn't but I promised you I wouldn't let you feel alone so, if you need me, I'll stay."

Damon shook his head as he pressed a tender kiss against her forehead, "I don't deserve you." He whispered and grabbed both sides of her face so he could look into her eyes, "I don't know how to be what you want me to be, Elena."

She scrunched her eyebrows together and placed her hands over his, "I'm not trying to change you, Damon. I am just trying to help you see the loving, caring, loyal man that you are. I want you to be happy. I know our lives are crazy right now with Klaus and the curse but, when all that's over, I want you to live and be happy and I'm going to make sure you are before anything bad potentially happens."

He frowned at the thought of something bad happening to her and dropped his hands from her face remembering the deal she made with Elijah and the suicide mission he recently saved her from. He shook his head, and she could tell he was angry, but his moods always shifted so fast that she didn't understand what caused it.

"What did I say that upset you?" She asked as she tried walking over to him, but he looked back at her and vamped across the room over to his bed.

"Nothing. I just can't think about something happening to you because you decided that your life is less important than mine or Stefans or everyone else that you care about. Honestly Elena, I don't want to talk about it. It won't make a difference; you're still determined to let yourself die to save all of us. And why? Because you think I am a good person? I suddenly after 150 years of murdering innocent people and manipulating everyone in my life have become a saint? Just stop, Elena, please. Would it be easier for you if I went out and killed someone you know? Would you finally be able to understand that I'm not worth saving!?" He vamped in front of her and grabbed her shoulders, tears were gathering in his eyes, "I won't let you choose me over yourself. I will do whatever I have to in order to protect you, even if you hate me for it, at least you'll be alive." Tears were running down his cheeks as he let go of her and backed away, "I will always choose you, Elena."

She took a deep breath as tears fell down her face and she looked up into his eyes. He forced a smile and nodded his head, "I'll do what I have to do to save you."

She let out a quiet sob, wiped the tears from her eyes and bolted out the door.

He sat down on the edge of his bed and felt like a piece of shit as he took a moment to fully appreciate everything she did for him tonight. He picked up the book she left him on his pillow, Into the wild, and felt a couple of tears roll down his cheeks. He ran his fingers over the leather cover and gently placed it down on his night table, next to the cup of blood she warmed up for him. He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath as he laid back onto his bed. Elena. Her name started flashing through his mind again, "God, I can't keep doing this!" He yelled out as he jumped up from the bed and vamped over to his dresser so he could throw on some clothes. He got dressed as fast as possible, his thoughts were racing around his head, and he could feel himself slipping. If she didn't want to believe he was a monster, well then, he would just have to show her. He needed to show her, because she deserved better and all he did was bring her pain. He needed her to give up on him, to let him go, because the last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt her.

As he pulled on his leather jacket, he took one last look at his bed and noticed a folded piece of paper on his pillow. "How didn't I see that before?" He growled as he briskly walked over to it and tore it open.

Damon,

Please don't ever feel like you are alone. I know that you think you don't deserve to be happy and that you're this unlovable monster, but I've seen the real you. I see him every time you look at me and the smile you try to hide shines through your eyes. I know you have a dark past, I'm not ignorant, but I see the good in you and I believe in you. Stop thinking that you're doing me a favor by pushing me away and stop trying so damn hard to prove to me that you don't deserve to be loved. You could go out and kill half of Mystic falls and tell me you enjoyed it, but I still wouldn't run away because I KNOW that isn't who you are. I'm not trying to change you in any way, I'm simply just trying to get you to see the beautiful man that I see. I will love you, every part of you, until you learn to love yourself, Damon. Stop trying to convince yourself that no one cares.

Elena

Damon stared at the words written so thoughtfully on the tiny piece of paper in his hands, that were now shaking, and wanted to stake himself in the heart. "Fuck! Why do I keep doing this!?" He grabbed the lamp off his dresser and angrily threw it across the room. He carefully folded the letter back up and tucked it into his jacket pocket before running full speed out the door.

Stefan was standing in the living room and heard the commotion from upstairs. He watched as Damon came flying down the stairs and rushed forward to catch him before he ran out the door, vamping himself directly in front of him, effectively blocking his way. "Damon, please don't keep doing this. Just talk to me. Please, brother."

Damon stalked towards him and let out a low growl while the veins under his eyes started to surface. "Get out of my way, Stefan. We aren't friends, in case you forgot, you despise the fact that I ever even came back here. So, stop pretending to care now. I don't need your sympathy or your fake brotherly love, I got along just fine all these years without you, or anyone for that matter."

He paused for a second and thought back to the letter in his pocket and felt his anger start to melt away, "But she cares." He whispered to himself.

Stefan heard him and he thought back to the scene he walked in on earlier and something in him snapped. He shook his head and stepped out of Damons way, "Keep telling yourself that, brother. If she is what prevents you from unleashing the monster you truly are, then by all means, you can even tell yourself she loves you. She's a do-gooder, Damon. It's in her nature to want to help people." Stefan let out a venomous chuckle before walking back into the living room and sitting down in front of the fireplace.

Damon stared at the spot where Stefan was just standing, fighting back the urge to run over and rip his heart out, before pulling the door open and storming outside. He paced back and forth next to his car for a minute and thought about her. He took the letter out of his pocket and read it again, trying to convince himself that Stefan was wrong, but his insecurities were winning.

He put it back into his pocket and growled as he jumped into his car. He decided right then and there that he was leaving, he needed to get his head on straight and he couldn't keep torturing himself anymore. He started his car and right as he put it into drive, his phone started to vibrate. He grunted and without even looking at the screen he answered, "What!?" He barked into the speaker as his blood began to boil from the amount of rage he was trying to suppress.

"D-Damon? What's going on?" She whispered, as she grabbed her car keys and bolted out of her room.

He raked his fingers through his hair and let out a deep breath, "Elena." He couldn't think of anything else to say.

He heard her car engine start up and he felt a wave of peace wash over him, "It's okay, Damon. I'll be there in a few minutes, okay? Just try to breathe and stay calm. Please."

She was trying to keep her voice from breaking but all she could think about was what Stefan just told her when he called and how distraught Damon sounded.