SONG OF THE WEST
an Inuyasha fanfic
xxxvi.
Three days later, winter arrived. The wind turned cold; the air became dry; and weighty, dark clouds were skimming the horizon, heralding the approach of the season's first tempest.
The interior of Lord Tōga's tent had altered slightly since her arrival. The objects necessary to survive the brutal, dry winters so familiar to this section of the country—furs for their bedding; an in-door furnace for the tent; heavier leather boots and gloves—were now scattered about the space. The most notable of these was Lord Tōga's fur for his armor, a fluffy, vast white pelt made of some impossibly large animal. To Rin's surprise, she received a pelt as well, dark brown and proportionally smaller. It had been lying bloody on the table when she first came.
"I suppose I won't have to worry about you receiving it in time," Lord Tōga had said when he presented it to her.
They had spoken little since Lord Tōga's thorough rebuke of her actions. This was partially because there was not much that could be said, but Rin was also alone much of the time, save for at night when Lord Tōga returned to rest, or around midday when the dogs were released from their pens to stretch their legs.
Even Yua's playful manner and soft fur could not cheer her up. She missed Lord Sesshōmaru. Dearly. To make matters worse, no matter how hard she willed her mind to conjure him, he no longer graced her dreams at night.
That morning, as the clouds grew nearer and nearer, Rin watched Lord Tōga and Seiten crowd around the table with a large map of the area on it, discussing plans.
"Have you heard from Imperial Lady Katsushika yet?" Lord Tōga asked.
"They seem to be in a stalemate as well," Seiten responded. "Between that Naraku leading the Eastern army's Northern front and the Northern tribesmen, they have their hands full."
Lord Tōga let out an exhausted sigh before glancing back. A new chip, a miniature depiction of a family crest with red and purple scales on it, appeared on the beaches of the map.
"Tell Kirinmaru to offload some troops from his ships and shift them towards the Crown Prince's sonae," Lord Tōga said. "The scouts have detected some movement near the mountains."
"You don't trust the Crown Prince?" Seiten asked.
Lord Tōga scoffed. "Does anybody?"
The light in the tent shifted slightly, growing dim for a few moments before brightening. It was the clouds again.
"Remind everyone to secure their tents. The last thing I need is to hear whines about lost items," Lord Tōga said.
"Should I tell the Takeda representative to come tomorrow instead?"
"No; if he says his piece quickly, he should be able to make it back before the rain starts."
Lord Tōga paused and glanced at Rin. She instinctively lowered her gaze. Tōga sighed.
"Let's go," he said to Seiten.
Rin heard the drum of heavy boots again, and then silence. When she looked up, there was no one in the room but her.
She would be sure to be gone before they returned.
Lord Tōga considered himself a reasonable man, at least in comparison to the other nobility of his stature. He allowed each of his vassals to preside over their holdings independently, so long as they treated their subjects reasonably and managed taxes properly. Unlike the late Katsushika, it was hard work, not honeyed words, that lent itself to survival in the Western court. But he was not so rigid as to endlessly torture and terrorize those around him, as Ryukotsusei allegedly did. No one under Lord Tōga's rule—vassals, servants, or otherwise—ever were punished beyond the magnitude of their original transgression.
Thus, he believed the punishments he had doled out to Sesshōmaru and Rin were reasonable as well. The standard punishment for soldiers who fraternized with women was around fifty lashes; Sesshōmaru, who had committed the offense, broke Lord Tōga's nose, and threatened the life of an Inspector, took all those lashes and then some.
Truthfully, there was not much precedent for Rin's misdeed. Spies were executed, and prostitutes banished from the camp, but Rin had been neither. So he gave her the discipline any bratty noble daughter might receive—sitting in seiza and reflecting on her actions until her legs were sore and she was well and tired. It was the proper, impartial thing to do as commander.
That did not mean he didn't feel terrible about it.
Tōga had not known what to make of Ungai's letter when he read it. He knew there was a Rin in Sesshōmaru's sonae—Ise Rin, whose face he had seen many times during the war and who could not possibly be a girl. He might've left it at that, if not for the details of Sesshōmaru's uncharacteristic partiality, the physical descriptions of someone matching his Rin who he had left safe in Shiraoi, and the fib of a servant from Inugawa who had joined Sesshōmaru at his sonae.
Sesshōmaru's silent declaration of love had also taken him aback. Any other time, he might have been excited: someone had finally cracked Sesshōmaru's tough exterior; and placing Rin in Sesshōmaru's care was more convenient than having her become his wife's maid. Unfortunately, the callow irresponsibility of their actions had overshadowed the occasion.
Tōga had not had time to ask if Rin was in love as well. Though, her apparent heartbrokenness over her removal from Sesshōmaru's camp told the story well. She refused to eat, or ate very little; she kept to herself instead of being the lively girl he knew prior to the war; and in the middle of the night, he thought she supposed he would be asleep, he could hear her gentle sniffles.
Despite being a bit of a savant in his younger years, Lord Tōga knew very little about managing a woman's tears. He wasn't even sure if his wife was capable of crying. The last time Lord Tōga could recall Sesshōmaru crying was perhaps when the boy was two years old, and he had to depart for a special assignment to the North. When he returned about a year later, Sesshōmaru was a steely three-year-old who preferred books and archery to toddler's toys. This left Tōga virtually unequipped to handle a delicate, fluttering heart like Rin, especially since her heartache was technically his fault.
(This was not entirely true. There was a heart he had broken in the past, but he had long buried that memory with travel, prayer, and age.)
For the first time in his life, the Imperial Lord of the West found himself frustrated, not by war, politics, or silly court processions, but by a girl less than half his age. Dealing with a stoic, self-centered son like Sesshōmaru could be stressful, but Rin was a riddle whom he felt should've been simple. The way things turned out was for her own good, after all. A war zone was no place for a young woman. Couldn't she see he was doing this out of love, not hatred?
Her presence complicated things. He could no longer take calls in his own tent; he found that couriers and other generals were all too eager to visit, drawn to the prospect of seeing a woman for the first time in months like a thirsty man to a lake. And news traveled rather fast. The Crown Prince, glad to have something to distract from his scandal, sent a missive to the Emperor regarding the matter. Thankfully, the Emperor responded with surprise and amusement instead of anger, but there was still the matter of Rin's reputation to worry about. Society judged noble daughters harshly for so much as sneaking away to town to shop by themselves. Even with Rin as Sesshōmaru's concubine, details of their potential rendezvous would certainly raise eyebrows in any court. Coupled with the fact that Sesshōmaru would eventually have to take a main wife—
"Don't you think you're overreacting?" Seiten, to whom Tōga had more or less relayed most of this information, asked.
They were still in the other tent, listening to the patter of rain against the canvas. The Takeda representative had long since left.
"Not particularly," Lord Tōga said. "Why?"
"You've slept with many women, yet your grandfather didn't force you to marry them," Seiten pointed out.
Lord Tōga seemed offended. "Perhaps he should've. And this is not 'many a woman' we're speaking of; it's Rin."
"As far as Lord Sesshōmaru's sonae is concerned, Rin is merely a woman who disguised herself to assist with the war effort, not the young Lord's paramour," Seiten reasoned. "According to that medic, Rin worked rather hard until Ungai's discovery. The other couriers corroborated this."
"That only confirms that she was in danger these past few months," Lord Tōga said.
Seiten threw Lord Tōga a knowing look.
Lord Tōga sighed deeply. Perhaps he was allowing his overexerted mind to get too far ahead of the current situation. Some other trifle gossip would overshadow this entire affair soon enough. It would be wrong to force the two to marry, especially since he was not absolutely certain of Rin's feelings.
That did not mean he couldn't covertly encourage it, though.
"Has she eaten at all today?" Lord Tōga asked.
"She has been picking at the same bowl of kayu since morning."
Lord Tōga sighed. "I fear I have lost her trust forever."
Seiten frowned, but did not offer a response.
"Commander!" A voice called from outside.
Seiten stiffened on instinct. Tōga's brow raised.
"Enter!" Tōga called.
The voice obeyed. It was one of his couriers, soaking wet from the downpour outside. His eyes were wide with panic.
"Commander," the courier said between pants. "There's a problem."
Rin did not have some grand plan to escape honjin. She simply knew that the rain was coming, and that it would pour down hard, based on the appearance of the clouds. She could leave while it was still dry, and the rain would give her enough time to do as she pleased before Lord Tōga noticed she had left.
She might have stayed put if she hadn't known Lord Tōga had beaten Lord Sesshōmaru for her mistake, if there hadn't been a terrible guilt welling up inside of her at the thought. It felt like being stabbed with a blade. The stabbing would not stop, she was sure, until she apologized and saw Lord Sesshōmaru herself.
So she left. The commander's tent was unattended, possibly because, despite everything she had done, Lord Tōga kept a modicum of faith that she wouldn't disobey him again so soon. She pushed the regret related to this realization from her mind, lifted one of the canvas walls of the tent and slipped her lithe body between the fabric and the dirt, as to avoid the attention she would garner by simply strolling from the tent's exit in her nightclothes. Hikari was tied up at the other side of the camp; she was forced to rely on her own two feet. A few stray soldiers threw her strange looks, but that did not matter. None of the soldiers thought she had the gall to leave the camp against the commander's orders; thus, few attempted to stop her. There was one brave soul, a man slightly older than her, who had asked her what her business was in the camp. But telling him frankly that she needed to pee was enough to fluster him, and soon she had left the barriers of honjin and had arrived at the forest's edge.
Rin walked undeterred through the woods, past the towering trees and the churring crickets, bold in the face of the growing darkness. She had traveled this path on Hikari countless times. It was impossible for her to lose her bearings; she would know the path from camp to camp even with her eyes closed. She reckoned that the distance between honjin and Sesshōmaru's sonae was the furthest she had traveled on foot in a while, further even than the route from her old village to Yobetsu, where she had met Lord Sesshōmaru and Lord Tōga for the first time.
Soon, Lord Sesshōmaru's sonae was in view, illuminated in a golden haze by the various lanterns positioned about its perimeter and through its narrow internal paths. The rain started then, falling in heavy drops that extinguished the flames. By the time she reached the general's tent in the center of the camp, her night clothes were soaked through, and her brown hair plastered to her skin.
Inside, a few candles cast a flickering light about the tent. It was neat—too neat, almost devoid of human life. Sesshōmaru's familiar deep voice cut through the uneasy silence.
"Leave."
The disembodied words floated from behind the dressing screen. He must have assumed she was another courier. Rin swallowed.
"Lord Sesshōmaru?"
There was a brief pause in which Rin felt all the air had been siphoned from the space. Sesshōmaru stepped from behind the dressing screen, and she saw him for what felt like the first time in years—his long silken hair, which she had once combed and braided; his handsome, pale face that rivaled the moon and the stars; and the lucent gold eyes.
But there were two things amiss. First was the darkening bruise that had formed around his right eye. Someone had struck him in the face, and hard, which Rin had some trouble visualizing. And his torso, which had been made entirely visible to Rin by his utter lack of a shirt, was wrapped in meters and meters of starchy white gauze. He had been undressing when she barged in.
Sesshōmaru allowed his eyes to trail up and down her shivering, petite form, tortuously conscious of the way her now-soiled, diaphanous nightclothes clung to her lithe curves, and how the flicker of the candlelight against the gold whistle forever dangling about her neck drew attention to the space between her small breasts and the stiff, light-brown buds there.
"What happened to your eye?" Rin asked gently.
Lord Sesshōmaru turned away from her to walk again to the dressing screen.
Rin's heart dropped. He wasn't angry at her as well, was he? Anxious, she leapt to grab his hand. His skin was delightfully warm.
"Lord Sesshōmaru—"
"You are shivering," Sesshōmaru said, glancing at her again.
Rin blinked. "What?"
"You need new clothes."
Rin's lips pursed. Now that the adrenaline from her walk was waning, she was feeling benumbed in her wet clothing. She felt, however, that that was the least of their worries.
"Your bandages need changing," Rin said. "I'll help."
"You won't do anything until you are dry," Sesshōmaru said.
"I don't have any extra clothes here. I—"
"Rin," Sesshōmaru interrupted, his brows furrowing.
Rin fell silent. After a few seconds of tense staring, she turned her gaze to the ground and released Sesshōmaru's hand. The young Lord disappeared behind the dressing screen again, momentarily leaving Rin standing cold and alone in the tent's center, before returning with his nagajuban, which, albeit dry, was much too large for her.
(This would thus mark the third time she was forced to wear Lord Sesshōmaru clothing, then.)
Lord Sesshōmaru was sitting at his desk when Rin emerged from the dressing screen wrapped in his warm, but baggy clothing. Unnoticed by Rin, his eyes perused her figure once again, pleased with what he saw.
His old bandages, some of which were speckled with dark red, were sitting folded on the desk waiting for disposal, right next to a medium-sized jar of what Rin presumed was some sort of salve. His torso was bare; Rin now had a full view of his well-defined arms, chest, and stomach.
This rare sight might have embarrassed her under any other circumstance. Now, she was anxious. Lord Sesshōmaru, as stoic as ever, hid his pain well. But she knew him intimately by now; she could see that his movements were stiffer than usual, that he had adjusted his deportment in order to avoid any further unnecessary discomfort.
The sight of his back was as painful as she expected it to be. An untold number of long, deep lacerations traveled the length and width of his well-muscled back, covering the base of his neck to just below the waist of his nu-bakama. The healing process had begun around the edges of some gashes, but many of the wounds on his back looked worryingly fresh. Holding back tears, Rin quietly opened the medicine jar. She applied the medicine as gingerly as possible. Sesshōmaru seemed to feel nothing, but Rin winced for him.
The two sat in silence, the thrumming of the rain against canvas the only audible sound. She didn't know what to say—truthfully, there wasn't much that could be said. It was only later, as she was wrapping the bandages around his torso, did she say anything at all.
"Was it Lord Tōga who struck your eye?" Rin asked softly.
The two were standing now. Carefully, Rin walked around Sesshōmaru's tall form, encasing his wounds in neat layers of gauze. Sesshōmaru held his arms up to assist her.
"Yes," Sesshōmaru said simply.
Rin frowned.
"… Did you really break his nose?" she continued.
Sesshōmaru let out a small huff. "Inadvertently."
That was the truth, almost. When he had felt someone grab his arm during the fray in Ungai's tent, Sesshōmaru threw his elbow back on instinct. His father's nose was in the way.
Rin, upon finishing the bandages, let her arms fall to her side. Sesshōmaru glanced at her face, but she avoided his gaze.
"I'm sorry, Lord Sesshōmaru."
Sesshōmaru's brow rose. "Why?"
"You're hurt, and I've brought shame to you and Lord Tōga," Rin continued. "None of this would have happened if I had stayed in Shiraoi, like you said."
Sesshōmaru placed his hands on either side of Rin's face, forcing her to look at him directly. Her eyes were slightly wet with sadness. Sesshōmaru's gaze softened.
"I do not regret bringing you," he said firmly.
Rin sniffed in response.
"Where is your horse?" Sesshōmaru asked.
Rin demurred. "… I walked," she admitted shyly.
Sesshōmaru's brows furrowed to match his frown. "You walked."
"It was the only way I could leave without anyone noticing! I…" Rin hesitated for a moment "… I missed you."
Her voice made Sesshōmaru ache. He fought to stay focused.
"Have you been eating?"
"I haven't really been hungry lately."
Sesshōmaru could tell. She seemed paler than when he last saw her a few days ago, and her face had slimmed down some, as if she were regressing to the form in which he first met her.
"Don't worry about me! I ate before I came," Rin said. "You should be resting."
Truthfully, Sesshōmaru had done very little but rest on his futon, read various updates from other camps, and think about Rin for the past few days. He tired of resting. But he would still do so, if only to make her happy.
Lord Sesshōmaru's futon was still in the same spot it had been when Rin left. Only now it was accompanied by a pelt large enough for Sesshōmaru to use, which was impossibly fluffy and white like snow, or Sesshōmaru's own hair. They sat together, and Sesshōmaru threw the pelt over Rin's shoulders for extra warmth.
"My father made you kneel," Sesshōmaru said knowingly, glancing at the way Rin awkwardly sat with her legs to the side rather than beneath her.
Rin nodded. "It wasn't so bad. They aren't sore anymore."
Sesshōmaru tugged on the hem of her nagajuban, as if asking for her permission. After some slight hesitation, Rin nodded.
He rolled up the hem to just above her knee. Bruises had formed on her knees and upper calves, which had supported much of her weight. Sesshōmaru frowned again and brushed over one knee with his thumb. Rin shivered at his warm touch. Suddenly, she found herself reminded of when he had cared for her injured ankle in the Northern village.
"Like I said," she murmured. "It doesn't hurt."
His eyes focused on her lips. She was frowning.
"Lord Tōga is sending me to Lord Bokusenō's manor," Rin said.
His father had mentioned as much before. "When?"
"I'm not sure," Rin responded softly. "But Lord Tōga will probably come looking for me in the morning. I suppose this is goodbye, for now."
Goodbye. It was the most unsatisfying utterance Sesshōmaru had heard come from Rin's lips.
She looked down and fiddled with the too-big koshihimo which also belonged to him. He kept his eyes on her bedridden figure. His clothes hung loose on her petite frame, and, along with his fur, made her appear cozily swaddled. Her hair was still damp, but the color was returning to her cheeks, slowly blossoming like an impossible rose in the snow.
He reached for her hand. Rin's dark brown eyes finally found his gold ones. Her long lashes fluttered in surprise.
The silences, the stares, the not knowing––they all exhausted him. Words could not describe what his actions would convey with ease in a few short seconds. He leaned into her; he encircled her in arms; he captured her lips with his, and all his hardships ceased.
The ease of the act, once initiated, surprised him. He was well-versed in war and politics—not matters of romance. Nor had he thought much about it, at least not until he had met her, had heard her gentle voice and seen her soft smiles.
Rin moved her head to deepen the kiss. Her hands—mindful of his back, of course—gripped his shoulders as her lips parted softly, allowing his tongue to slip quietly inside her mouth.
She had been kissed a few times before, by awful boys and cruel men who took advantage of her in more ways than one. Sesshōmaru was far better than them all. He kissed her without greed, without impatience. For a moment—if just for a moment—she felt what it was to be truly loved.
And then the lightning struck across the sky outside, filling the tent with a white light for a brief second. The thunder followed. Startled, Rin parted from Sesshōmaru and came down to earth once more.
"Lord Sesshōmaru!" Rin gasped. "Wait!"
Sesshōmaru, who had moved from her lips to planting gentle kisses along her jaw, stopped upon hearing her sudden distressed cries. Sometime amid their frenzied kissing session, their posture had changed. Rin was lying on her back on the white pelt now, with Sesshōmaru's body hovering directly over her, his loose hair surrounding her like white curtains, his hips positioned perfectly between her spread legs. His hand, buried in her damp, dark hair, cradled her head.
Rin released Sesshōmaru's shoulders and rapidly tried to fix the borrowed nagajuban she wore, which had slipped off her shoulder and bunched up around her thighs.
"I—" Rin stuttered, her face turning red. "We shouldn't be—"
"I'd like you to enter my apartments when we return to Inugawa," Lord Sesshōmaru said suddenly.
Rin blinked, confused by this sudden statement. "So I'll be your maid instead?"
"I'd like you to be my lover."
Rin nearly choked on air. His lover.
"You would have your own wing, and maidservants," Sesshōmaru continued rather calmly, "along with the full privileges of a concubine to the heir of the West."
Lover! He had asked her to be his lover. Rin might've thought this was another dream if not for the continued presence of Sesshōmaru's bandages.
She propped herself on her elbows to sit up. Sesshōmaru removed himself from on top of her.
"… you wouldn't be embarrassed?" Rin asked quietly.
"Embarrassed?"
Rin shifted uncomfortably. "I'm not a virgin."
"That is of no matter," Sesshōmaru said.
Rin held Sesshōmaru's gaze. His expression did not change. He wasn't some rake who used charm to get what he wanted. Everything he said was without guile or adornment. It was true.
He took her hand in his.
"There's no need to decide now," Sesshōmaru said, his voice soft. "Give thought to it. Take as long as you require."
Rin gave his hand a squeeze.
"What if…" Rin trailed off. Sesshōmaru waited for her to continue.
"What if I say no?" She asked quietly. "Do I lose a friend?"
He paused. Her chest tightened for a moment.
"I will care for you regardless," Sesshōmaru said.
That was the truth, too. Relieved, Rin leaped to wrap her lithe arms around his neck and embrace him.
Give it thought. Yes; she would certainly give it thought.
He kissed her again, this time on the temple, and Rin realized she quite enjoyed being kissed by him.
a/n: FINALLY a kiss. It took 36 chapters, but we made it! I'm also proud to say that we're about halfway through this fic.
I mentioned this before on Twitter, but now that this chapter is up, I'm taking a bit of a break from updating this story in order to tighten up my outline for future chapters + fix some stuff in the old chapters. That shouldn't take too long though.
Until next time!