Trigger Warnings: Suicidal thoughts, panic attacks, and depression
"H-hic!-He was protecting us. A-All along. Heh. I-sniff-I g-guess I shouldn't be surprised; he a-always wanted to be a hero. And that man…"
"Mrrp."
"I-It's just… That-sob!-That bastard; how dare he manipulate my son in such a cruel way! Oh, my poor b-hic-baby, my Izuku… Ooh, if I ever get my hands on that- That-!"
"Mreow!"
"Take a deep breath, Midoriya-san. We don't want to attract too much attention here."
"R-Right. Forgive me, Sh-Shokuko-kun. I-I've always been the emo-hic!-tional type."
"It's alright, I've gotten used to it. And I wouldn't worry too much about All for One now. He won't be able to hurt Mido again; I can guarantee that."
"…"
"…"
"Shokuko-kun, I understand that this… All for One manipulated my son and forced him to join the League of Villains, but why did he stay with them? Once he had the information he needed to stop the man, why didn't he take it to the heroes?"
"…Midoriya-san, I don't think you realize just how powerful All for One really is. This is a man that has been building his empire since the dawn of quirks themselves. His operations are far more entrenched in our society than you might think. Or, were, I guess. At the height of his power, he had his hands in just about every major organization in our society, including the HPSC, multiple major hero agencies, the government, villain groups across the country; you name it, and All for One likely has an informant there, or at least someone that owes him a 'favor'.
"The point is, Mido didn't feel like he could go to the heroes. He really wasn't certain who he could and couldn't trust. Even without that concern, All for One was simply too much, too powerful for any one organization to bring down, much less one scared kid. And that realization nearly broke him."
"Broke him? What… What do you mean?"
.oOo.
Izuku released a shaky breath, uncurling his cramped hand from around his pen. He glanced over the notebook propped against his knee, at the newest of the scrawled entries.
Male subject; approx. 10 years old; 135-140 cm, slender; dark red hair gold eyes
Sighted downtown Musutafu in proximity to Todoza's Ramen
Emitter quirk; physical contact activation; passive; traumatic or villainous
Incident 1 - bumped into a female with injured leg; struggled to walk for 1 km
Incident 2 - salesman too familiar; subject fled when he tried to get close
Summary -dislikes physical touch and seemed to adopt another's injury
Analysis - possibly a healing quirk (takes on another's injury); may feel another's pain; possibly interacts with memories/emotions/physical sensations;
Izuku stared at it for far too long, feeling increasingly sick to his stomach. Finally, he forced himself to snap the notebook closed and tear his eyes away, but not before he caught a glimpse of the title: Quirk Analysis No. 15.
Monster.
He rose to his feet just a little too quickly, swaying slightly and stumbling as the blood rushed to his head and he nearly tumbled off the roof.
Why don't you go take a swan dive?
Shut up.
Why?
Just shut up!
With trembling fingers, Izuku hurriedly pulled the pager out of his pocket and pressed the button. Thirty seconds later, a purplish portal swirled into existence and Izuku stepped through, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the low light of the bar.
"Stupid son of a bitch; can't you do anything right!?"
Izuku flinched in spite of himself as the rasping voice cut through the momentary silence. Shigaraki-kun was swearing at whatever game he was playing-again-but at least he wasn't yelling at him.
His shoulder twinged in memory.
Coward.
…
You can't deny it, can you?
"Midoriya-kun. Welcome home."
"H-Hi, Kurogiri-san," Izuku bowed slightly to the smoky man. He had been the one bright spot-ironically, considering his appearance-in the last… how long had it been? Six months?
Did… Did that make him thirteen now?
Pathetic.
Please shut up.
"Are you ready for me to deliver your assignment to the Master?" Kurogiri-san prompted him, setting aside the whiskey glass that he'd been cleaning.
"Y-Yeah," Izuku mumbled, gesturing with the notebook.
Monster.
Coward.
Another smoky portal appeared in front of him and, as had become his habit, Izuku dropped the notebook into it.
Traitor.
I'm not.
Oh no?
"Would you like me to prepare you something to eat?"
"No," Izuku shook his head jerkily. He was far too nauseous to force anything down tonight. He already knew that it would come right back up. "Goodnight, Kurogiri-san."
"Goodnight, Midoriya-kun."
"Shitty, worthless-! Agh! Dammit, they made me destroy the remote-! Why can't those worthless son of a bitches keep my avatar safe for ten damn seconds-!?"
Izuku quickly ducked out of the room, pressing his hand over his chest.
Worthless.
Traitor.
Coward.
Stop it.
Deku.
I'm not. I'm not!
Why don't you take a swan dive off the roof?
I said shut up!
Izuku slammed the door of his room shut as he slumped heavily against it, eyes squeezed shut as he panted for breath, his fist digging against his sternum.
Damn, damn, damn!
Knees buckling, the boy slid down the door, wrapped his arms around his legs and breathed unsteadily through his nose, every sniffle sharp and constricted and tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes despite his efforts to choke them back, jaw sharply clenched to muffle the weak sobs clawing at his throat, his heart pounding so hard that he felt every beat against his thighs.
Coward.
His entire body felt strangely numb when he finally managed to smother his panic, from his head to his chest to the very tips of his fingers. Legs still too weak to pull himself to his feet, Izuku stumbled weakly on his knees to the extremely plain futon in the corner and collapsed across it, curling his legs up to his chest, staring blankly at the wall.
Worthless.
His breath still hitching at irregular intervals, Izuku reached robotically forward to the loose panel in the wall, tugging it just wide enough to slip his fingers through and withdraw a thin notebook that he'd hidden away on his first night in this hellhole.
Hero Analysis for the Future No. 12: AFO.
Izuku stared at the notebook, bile climbing the back of his throat.
Traitor.
Snatching the pen from cover, Izuku tore the cap off with his teeth and savagely scribbled out the word 'Hero'.
He didn't deserve the title and he knew it.
Monster.
Haphazardly shoving the device back into its hiding place, Izuku flipped onto his other side, clenching his eyes against the fresh wave of tears that set his nose itching.
Pathetic.
Too exhausted to argue, Izuku fell into a fitful sleep.
.oOo.
Laughter.
It wasn't… it wasn't cruel laughter. It wasn't mean, or mocking. It… It was just a chuckle. The kind of sound that a father would make watching their child play.
It was horrifying.
It was horrifying because all around Izuku was death.
And he had caused it.
"Well done, Izuku my boy. I'm so, so proud of you."
Why?
Why was Izuku smiling?
Why… Why was he happy?!
"Deku…"
Izuku turned in cool silence towards the familiar voice.
He expected a sneer, a cruel grin, a crackle and pop of flames.
Instead, there were tears spilling down his cheeks-
-and blood spilling down his chin.
"…monster."
.oOo.
Izuku woke up in a surge of panic, dry-heaving viciously as he scrambled for the trash can lying a couple meters away.
Monster.
Nothing came up. Of course it didn't.
Worthless.
Still, he cradled it to his chest like a newborn baby.
Coward.
"Midoriya-kun?" Still gasping for breath, Izuku glanced blearily up at Kurogiri, who had just appeared in his room, looking about as concerned as a face like his was able to look. "Are you alright?"
"I-I…" Izuku choked, huddling against the wall, hating himself for the tears already spilling down his cheeks.
Pathetic.
"M'Ok-kay," he faltered.
"…The Master wishes to see you."
Cold dread dropped into the pit of the boy's stomach. Had his work not been acceptable? Should he have done more? Given him more information?
Traitor.
"O-Ok-kay," Izuku whispered, dashing aside his tears as he dragged himself up onto numb legs. With that unspoken signal, Kurogiri-san enveloped him in a warpgate, leaving the boy squinting against the sudden glare of a computer screen.
"H-Hello, S-Sensei-"
"Izuku, my boy! I'm so, so proud of you."
A chilling mixture of relief and revulsion flooded Izuku's body as he stared blankly at the mangled face juxtaposed against an almost… fatherly grin.
"Wh-What…?"
"I'm terribly sorry for waking you up in the middle of the night, but I simply couldn't wait to pass on the good news! Your work on your latest analyses was excellent! The Shelter has paid you handsomely for your work and are already talking about commissioning you for another round. Perhaps searching for valuable quirks in Hokkaido or Fukuoka this time around."
Izuku felt sick.
The Shelter.
Monster.
Quirk traffickers.
Traitor.
"Th-That… That's great, Sensei."
Coward.
"Indeed!"
Pathetic.
"In fact, I believe that as a reward for your efforts, it's high time that I fulfill my first promise to you, Izuku my boy."
"W-What?"
"Yes, my boy. I do believe that it is time I offer you a quirk."
Something leaped in the pit of Izuku's stomach.
Something suspiciously like excitement.
Traitor.
"Y-You… You mean that?" Izuku whispered.
Monster.
"But of course, my boy! When have I ever broken my promises to you?" Sensei beamed, pushing himself to his feet. "In fact, I think I already have the perfect quirk ready for you."
Izuku felt his breath beginning to accelerate again as Sensei reached for him, his heavy hand falling against Izuku's forehead, and all at once, he was back in that tunnel six months ago, his panic closing off his throat and his heart trying to pound its way out of his chest.
Coward.
Pathetic.
And then suddenly his entire body was on fire.
Izuku couldn't breathe.
Couldn't think.
Couldn't feel.
Burning, he was burning, every nerve aflame, a scream clawing at his throat.
Monster.
Traitor.
Coward.
Pathetic.
Worthless.
Worthless.
WORTHLESS.
Maybe you should go take a swan dive off the roof.