Chapter 38 – The Western Air Temple: raging hormones

Milah woke up that morning, hot, sweating and aching down below, and felt the remnants of Zuko's name on her tongue. She had had a dream where he had put his head between her legs and she'd cried out, toe-curling pleasure filling her to the bone. She could still see his eyes watching her from his position, looking at her behind his ridiculously long eyelashes. Could still imagine his tongue on that particular spot-

Milah groaned and rolled over to her side, cursing the fact that the doors in the Temple didn't have locks – not that she'd bothered closing her door last night, anyway. Her hand was desperate to finish whatever her mind had started in the night and she knew she would carry a flush on her face for the rest of the day, hopefully not giving away too much about her current state.

The Waterbender also knew why she felt like this. Of course, it had to do with the fact that Zuko had returned, but she had read in a book that it was rather common for a pregnant woman to be dealing with such hormones, so she didn't feel particularly ashamed of it. At least, not the part where she was aroused. The part where she was aroused by Zuko, yes, that was what she was ashamed of.

She turned around again, twisting on her bed to relieve some of the aches and let her eye fall upon the leather pouch. Her fingers trailed towards it, wanting to look at the jewellery and feel them on her skin…

But she didn't and got out of bed, wanting to erase the memories of last night when she had sent Zuko away. She wasn't going to give in so easily. He had to realise that he couldn't keep getting away with hurting her. Besides, she expected it would take time before she could forgive and trust him again.

When she had dressed and made her way down the stairs to their breakfast area, she felt relieved that Zuko wasn't there. Neither were Aang and the three little musketeers, meaning Teo, The Duke and Haru, who had all accepted that name begrudgingly.

''Are they already training?'' she asked her siblings and Toph. They all nodded.

''You just missed them,'' Toph said while dangling her feet in the water of the fountain.

''How are your feet?'' she asked the girl.

Toph shrugged. ''They're all right. I'll survive.''

Milah grinned. ''I bet you will.''

At noon, after she had helped her sister do the dishes and after that, everyone's laundry – since no one else was going to do it – Milah decided to take a stroll around the Temple, secretly wanting to see Zuko and Aang train.

It took her a while, but eventually, she could hear low groans and sounds of frustration coming from one of the pagoda's balconies. She reached the edge fairly quickly and could see Aang dozing on a broken pillar. And there was Zuko, going through multiple Firebending routines.

Milah's mouth dried up. He had discarded his shirt; the air was hot and humid, and with the way he was panting, he had probably been going at it all morning. His body was gleaming in the sunlight and a trickle of sweat glided past his abdomen and into the V-line disappearing in his pants. Neither of them seemed to notice her and she was content standing there, watching him, knowing deep down that it was one of the stupidest things she could do. Especially because her treacherous hormones and heart were more than willing to give in to the Prince in front of her.

Another groan came out of Zuko's mouth when he, once more, tried to summon his fire and blast it to the side. He failed, again.

Milah frowned when she saw that Zuko wasn't able to firebend properly and that maybe that was the reason why he'd let out such groans. Why there was another drop of sweat trickling down his chest-

Focus, she thought and finally made herself known, clearing her throat. Aang shot up from his pillar, pretending he hadn't fallen asleep while Zuko's eyes widened upon seeing her.

''I thought to check on you guys,'' she said, nervously fiddling with her shirt. ''Sokka didn't mention anything after he returned from you.'' Her brother had also gone to the two earlier that day but said that he had been sent away immediately after.

''I, eh, sent him away,'' Zuko admitted and walked over to her slowly, some of his hair sticking to his forehead, glinting in the sunlight. Milah swallowed when she breathed in his smell, amplified by the workout, and suddenly wished she could make him equally crazy. Like taking off her shirt and starting her own routine she had performed that one time in an Earth Kingdom river just before Iroh had poisoned himself with false White Jade leaves.

''I see,'' she answered dryly, keeping her gaze trained on his. He stepped even closer. Aang had already left quietly, not wanting to see whatever was going to happen between the two. ''Why?''

Zuko shrugged, his muscles bulging with the movement. She shifted on her feet, hoping that he would mistake the cause of her flush to be the heat and not the desperate throb in her core.

''How did you sleep?'' he asked eventually when he stepped close enough to her and leaned against a pillar with his side, crossing his arms over each other.

''Eh, it was okay,'' she answered and mimicked his position, crossing her arms. ''And you?'' It was a stupid conversation. One she didn't want to end.

''Okay,'' he echoed with a rasp in his voice. ''I dreamt of you.'' His eyes narrowed.

''Did you, now?'' she managed to bring out and refrained from asking what had happened in his dream.

Zuko shrugged again and pushed himself off the pillar, taking another step toward her. He was dangerously close now and she could feel the heat radiate off his skin. ''Do you want to know what it was about?''

Zuko could see her pupils dilate and had to suppress the groan wanting to come out of his mouth, his cock already hard and aching with need. Her chest rose and fell unevenly and her hands were white from the way they were clenching.

''I don't know,'' she answered softly with a slight tremor. ''Do I?''

It was a challenge, one he readily accepted. To see if he would fight for what he wanted and if he could face the eventual turning down from her. It didn't matter to him; he would face a lifetime of unsatisfied need and blue balls if it meant that he could just simply look at her and her blue eyes.

''How about I show you?'' he asked huskily and she stepped back with each step he took towards her. Her eyes were almost black, her pupil taking over her iris. Eventually, she met the pagoda's wall and was trapped. He caged her by putting his arms beside her head, loosely enough that she could still escape if she wanted to. She didn't.

''Show me what?'' she asked stupidly and his eyes darkened dangerously.

''Show you-''

''Zuko!'' Katara interrupted them and he jumped back from her as if she had just spat on him. Milah let out a large breath, one she hadn't even known she'd hold. ''I thought you were supposed to be training Aang?!''

''I, eh, yes,'' he answered with his back to her, not wanting to flash the fourteen-year-old with the bulge in his pants. He thought of his father, his sister, Lo and Li…

Zuko turned around again, his member slack once more, although it twitched when he involuntarily let his eyes wander to the woman still leaning against the wall, watching him intensely.

''Milah,'' Katara called out to her sister then and held out her hand which she took. ''Come.''

And then the two women left. Zuko walked to his shirt but didn't put it on, not wanting to make the material dirty with the sweat still staining his body. He walked back to the sleeping area where he took a cold bath to cool himself down. He hadn't been lying when he'd said he'd had a dream about Milah.

He had dreamed of her in such a way that he could still see it clearly before his eyes. Could still picture and feel her legs wrapped around his waist while he pounded into her. Could still hear the moans leave her mouth while he spilt inside of her again and again until they were both panting and sobbing messes back in their old room in Ba Sing Se.

Zuko knew that it hadn't been just a dream. They had actually done that, over and over again, resulting in Milah's proud and round belly, blossoming with the life they had created with their love. He would give up everything he had, everything he was, just to go back in time and choose differently in Ba Sing Se. What a fool he had been.

Milah spent the rest of the day doing absolutely nothing. Well, she did pack her stuff and moved them to the courtyard together with everyone else. Katara – no surprise – had had the wonderful idea to spend their time here in the Temple sleeping together around the campfire. Just in case another assassin would pay them another visit and they all needed to be up and running within no time.

The little Waterbender knew, of course, that that wasn't the whole reason Katara had suggested it. She had seen her sister's face when they left Zuko on that balcony and knew that Katara was afraid that Milah would fall for the Prince's charms again. That Milah would pay a visit to him in the middle of the night. Which sounded very good, now she thought of it. Although, 'charms' wasn't the right word for it. Milah could hardly admit that her pregnancy hormones were really the ones to blame for it.

Not that she didn't have feelings for him. Because she did. She still had dumb, irrational feelings for him and she hated herself for it.

She was just busy carrying her heavy bag with belongings and bedroll when she passed Zuko's room at the same moment he exited his.

''Oh no,'' he said and let the stuff he'd been carrying fall to the ground and before she could protest, he had already taken all of her stuff from her hands. ''I know enough about pregnancies that you shouldn't be lifting anything.''

She huffed. ''How do you know anything about pregnancies? Besides, I'm perfectly capable of carrying my own things. Give them back.''

Zuko merely shook his head. ''That won't do. Have you forgotten what I said? I'm here now. You won't be able to get rid of me.''

Milah narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. ''I'll say to you what I've said to many people in the past. I'm pregnant, not ill. I can take care of myself.''

''I know you can,'' Zuko answered softly and stepped closer. ''But that doesn't mean you should. The sooner you accept the fact that I'm going to be here from now on, the easier it gets.''

''Fine,'' she bit out and turned around, already done with their fighting. It was just like old times. They used to fight all the time then as well. But now… it felt different. As if after every fight, the prospect of losing him always grew. As if he would someday pack up and leave, having had enough of her bullshit.

The campfire was already roaring by the time she entered the courtyard and started immediately making dinner with Katara. With that many men – and Toph, but she didn't count – her sister and she were the only two that were actually able to do any domestic tasks. Even if it angered both of them sometimes.

''I thought you were getting your things,'' Katara greeted when she sat down next to her sister.

Milah sighed. ''I was. And then there was a brooding Prince that didn't let me carry my own- ah, well, there you have him.''

In came Zuko, looking ridiculous with all the bags and whatnot in his arms, barely able to see anything over the huge pile.

Katara snorted softly, but it wasn't in amusement. ''He's ridiculous.''

''I know,'' she agreed silently and chopped the vegetables in front of her, wondering if her sister would ever warm up to the Prince.

She watched Zuko stand at the edge of the courtyard, gazing out over the ravine, looking as if he was contemplating something. She felt the urge to somehow take his worries away from him, hating the fact that he was worrying at all, but repressed it quickly, discarding the foolish motion into the depths of her mind.

Moments like these, when the sun hit him just at the right angle, she wondered if he was just a figment of her imagination. If maybe she was just imagining him standing there, his black hair swaying softly in the breeze, leaning against one of the pillars, his lean, muscled arms crossed over his chest, tempting her to walk over and trace the outline of his biceps.

The sun had set when they finished dinner and Milah took it upon herself to grab the firewood that had been deposited just up ahead. Of course, she should've known that Zuko was always watching her as a mother hen would do for her babes. But he wasn't a mother hen, and she wasn't a babe.

''Zuko,'' she sighed when he softly grabbed her arm before she could lean down to grab the logs. ''Stop it. It's ridiculous.''

''It's not,'' he argued and took her chin, making her look up at him. ''You're pregnant. That means, no heavy lifting. Let me help you.''

She closed her eyes, revelling in the feeling of his calloused fingers on her face. ''Fine.'' The second time she gave in to him. Weak. She was always weak when it came to him.

''Thank you,'' he said softly and rubbed a thumb over her skin. She pulled away, not wanting to give in to that. Him helping her was one thing, but to let him touch her like that… she needed to avoid that as much as possible.

Together they walked over to the campfire and Zuko took it upon himself to position the wood over the flames. After, he stood up and took on a grave expression. Milah stopped scooping the rice in the bowls for a moment, looking up at him worriedly.

''Listen everybody,'' he began. Everyone looked up at him. ''I've got some pretty bad news. I've lost my stuff.'' His head hung dejectedly. Her hands twitched, wanting to comfort him.

''Don't look at me,'' Toph exclaimed and raised her hands above her head. ''I didn't touch your stuff.''

''I'm talking about my Firebending. It's gone,'' he admitted and frowned deeply. An expression Milah hadn't seen on him in a long time and hated with all her heart. She gasped. He lost his Firebending? But how?

Katara started laughing all of a sudden and the sound cut through her heart as if she had put a knife through it. Milah sat up straighter and hissed, ''what are you doing?''

Katara looked at the horrified face of her sister and wiped her eyes. ''I'm sorry. I'm just laughing at the irony. You know, how it would've been nice for us if he lost his Firebending a long time ago.''

''Well, it's not lost. It's just ... weaker for some reason,'' Zuko clarified and shifted on his feet, uncomfortable with all the stares he was getting.

Katara raised her bowl and glared over the edge at the scarred Prince. ''Maybe you're not as good as you think you are.''

Milah shook her head at her sister, not believing the cruel words that were coming out of her mouth. Did she really hate him that much? What had he done to her? Milah was determined to find out.

''Ouch,'' Toph said and gave a sarcastic smile. Milah glanced over at Zuko and was glad she didn't find any anger in his expression, only annoyance. And then his face lit up.

''I bet it's because I changed sides,'' he suddenly pondered.

''That's ridiculous,'' Katara muttered, calling Zuko that for the second time that day, and took a sip from her bowl.

''I don't know. Maybe it isn't. Maybe your firebending comes from rage and you just don't have enough anger to fuel it the way you used to,'' Aang thought out loud.

''That makes sense, actually,'' Milah interjected thoughtfully. Zuko's hot stare fell onto her and she felt a shiver go down her spine.

Sokka stood up from his place and walked towards the Firebender. ''Sooo, all we need to do is make Zuko angry. Easy enough.'' And with that, he started poking him with the hilt of his sword all the while laughing.

''Okay, cut it out!'' Zuko eventually shouted at her brother and rubbed his nose in aggravation. ''Look, even if you're right, I don't want to rely on hate and anger anymore. There has to be another way.''

''You're going need to learn to draw your firebending from a different source. I recommend the original source,'' Toph interjected before eating some of her rice.

Sokka, who'd sat down next to the Earthbender, excitedly said, ''How's he supposed to do that ? By jumping into a volcano ?'' Milah rolled her eyes, not believing the stupidity of Sokka at some times.

''No. Zuko needs to go back to whatever the original source of Firebending is,'' Toph answered with seriousness.

Sokka's smile faded and made place for an equally serious expression. ''So, is it jumping into a volcano?''

''I don't know. For Earthbending, the original benders were badgermoles,'' Toph began and told the story of how she learned to earthbend through the badgermoles.

In the end, it was decided that Zuko and Aang would travel the next morning to the ancient Sun Warriors, who were the closest thing alive to uphold the traditions of original Firebending, since Zuko claimed that the original Firebenders, the dragons, were extinct.

Milah lay in her bedroll gazing at the clear night, debating what to do. Zuko would leave in the morning and the fear of him never returning grew with each passing second. All she could think about was him laying just a few meters away from her, breathing quietly – as opposed to her brother, who snored loudly, adding to her insomnia.

She turned her head to him, giving in to the temptation just a little, even while her heart screamed at her to just get up and lay down beside him. To just hold him one more night before he would leave.

Milah cursed silently into the night. Her stupid heart and wants and hormones… never considering her mind and the distrust she had for him. There was no way she could trust him that he would return to them, no matter what he said and claimed and promised.

The next morning, Milah was awoken softly by Katara who was shaking her arm gently. ''They're leaving.''

''What?'' Milah gasped and sat up quickly. ''They left? Did they leave?''

''Did you really think I was going to leave without saying goodbye?'' a familiar voice grunted behind her and she closed her eyes momentarily.

''I don't know. You've done it before,'' she bit out and turned around to face her. The small smile that had been present on his face faded. Her heart ached.

''I won't anymore,'' he said softly and gave her a nod. ''We'll be back before you know it.'' And with that, he turned around to Appa. Her resolve faltered and her heart screamed, don't let him go, don't let him, we need him…

''Wait!'' she shouted at him before he could climb atop the sky bison and ran towards him. He had turned around to her when she skidded to a halt in front of him. It was silent around them, everyone curious to see what would happen. ''Zuko, I…''

''Yes?'' he whispered and stared deep into her eyes, keeping absolutely still.

''Come back,'' she whispered eventually and took his hand without breaking their stare. ''Come back… to us.'' She settled it on her abdomen.

He drew in a shaky breath and his thumb caressed her clothed stomach. Another silent moment passed before he grabbed her neck and drew her head to him so he could kiss her forehead. The moment was over before she had processed it happening and then he whispered, ''I'll always come back to you. Both of you.''

She nodded and then he climbed on top of Appa and they went, Aang giving her a small wave which she returned.

All the while her forehead burned with the remnants of his kiss.

A/N: here ya go! I am already writing the next chapter so I hope it won't take long before that one is updated. Of course, I have an exam on Tuesday so I'll be procrastinating until the last possible moment and continue writing because that is waaayyyy more fun than learning about multi-criteria analysis and environmental modelling, lol. Lots of love, Lily.