Chapter 39 – The Western Air Temple: Lies and hate

It took them three days to return. In that time, Milah had explored the Temple at least seven times, cleaned up the rooms they had used, went searching in the woods for fruits and vegetables at least three times a day and most of all, kept herself busy with the things that needed to be done. Luckily, on the third day, she'd found a novel hidden away in a small alcove in a library overgrown by spiderwebs and dust.

That's how she found herself dosing on top of her bedroll just a little after noon, diving into a story about a young woman going on a journey to find her inner self, paired with an epic romance with a pirate. Including some… steamy chapters, of course.

Milah's toes curled at a specific chapter and she quickly looked around herself if anyone was paying attention to her, which they thankfully didn't. In fact, she was all alone.

Unfortunately, her mind wandered once more, a thing she had tried to avoid fervently the past few days.

It was taking a long time, for the field trip with Aang. What if something had happened to them? What if Azula had found and captured them? What if Zuko thought that there was no point returning to them, seeing Milah had been nothing but awful and a total bitch to him ever since he came back?

What if he had returned to the Fire Nation again because of it?

The little Waterbender closed her eyes once more and sighed, letting a hand drift to her abdomen. When would she learn not to overthink stuff like this? Probably never.

''Milah?'' someone called out from next to her, to which she sat up and put aside her book. It was Haru.

''Yes?'' she answered as civilly as possible, considering she still was uneasy around the guy.

''Can we maybe… talk?'' he asked, nervously twiddling his fingers and not looking her in the eye.

''Of course,'' she answered more gently and led them over to the fountain side.

After they sat down, he finally looked at her and sighed. ''I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I never should have made assumptions like that and I feel really stupid. I promise you that I'm not normally like that. It's just that… Katara and Sokka spoke so highly of you when they visited us that I just never imagined you…'' He trailed off with his story and she could only fill in what he wanted to say. He probably never imagined that she would ever have a relationship with Zuko after all he had done to her and her family. It made her feel stupid and ignorant as well, to know that she had fallen so easily for the Prince.

''I forgive you,'' she settled on saying, not one for holding a grudge and seeing in his eyes that he really was sorry for his actions.

''Thank you,'' he whispered and pulled her in for a short but firm hug before disappearing to the awaiting part of the musketeers, only now noticing them watching the two from afar.

She watched them leave the courtyard and looked around again, expecting to see her sister or brother somewhere, but they were nowhere to be found. So Milah started on dinner, humming a melody to herself while chopping the vegetables she had found that morning. Not noticing that Appa could be seen from high up in the sky, descending gradually to the camp.

However, Appa grunted loudly to make his presence known just before landing in the courtyard, making Milah drop the plate with vegetables and turned around, almost feeling her legs give out from under her when she saw Aang and Zuko had finally returned.

''You're back!'' she exclaimed and ran towards them. Only when she was a small distance away, she stopped. Both Aang and Zuko were looking at her with amused faces. She swallowed. ''Did you succeed?''

Zuko nodded slowly and gave her a small smile. ''I'm sorry it took so long.''

''You won't believe what happened…'' Aang started but wandered off upon seeing something behind the Waterbender. When she turned around, she saw Katara making her way to them.

''Finally!'' Katara shouted and ran towards them as well, flinging her arms around the Airbender. Milah snuck a glance at Zuko and found him staring at her. She couldn't help but feel slightly jealous. That was how she wanted to greet him.

''Are you okay?'' Katara asked Aang who nodded in confirmation. ''Come, tell us everything.'' With that, they both walked towards the courtyard, her sister shouting to everyone who might hear that they had returned and that they should come as soon as possible.

Zuko still stood with her nearby Appa who had already dozed off, tired from all the flying, no doubt. ''How have you been?''

Milah looked at him again and cursed herself for the flutter she felt in her chest. ''I'm fine.''

Zuko nodded. ''That's good.''

They were silent again, still not moving from their spot. Milah's hands itched to close the distance and touch him, wanting- no, needing to feel his warm skin, just to assure herself he was here again, just like he said he would. ''I, eh, I…'' she started, but didn't know where she was going. I missed you, her mind finished for her and she bit her lip to keep the words inside her mouth.

Zuko's gaze dropped from her eyes to her mouth and she saw him shift on his feet. He cleared his throat and said, ''I missed-''

''Zuko!'' Aang yelled from the courtyard, startling the couple. ''Come. Let's do the routine!''

Milah gave him a curious but amused look. ''Routine?''

''Don't ask,'' he grunted and fell into step beside her to the group.

When they all sat down, Zuko and Aang showed them their Firebending routine, called 'The Dancing Dragon'. Of course, Sokka made a joke about it and Katara made a rude comment, but overall, everyone was simply glad they came back. Or at least, Milah was glad that they both came back, and the rest was mostly glad that Aang came back.

After dinner, Milah was on her bedroll again, reading a chapter that brought a blush to her face and she made extra sure that everyone was busy by the fire, not secretly looking over her shoulder with her. It baffled her that the Airbenders bore such romance novels, even if it was about self-enlightenment once in a while. She had always thought of them as pious people, not really into bodily attractions, but apparently, she was wrong.

Who could blame them, though, when some people were simply too gorgeous to be alive? Like Zuko.

''What is this?'' a sultry whisper sounded in her ear and before she could hurl the book away, Zuko had already grabbed it from her hands and browsed through the pages.

''Give it back!'' she yelled and grabbed his arm, trying to force him to drop the damned thing. ''Zuko, please!''

Zuko's brows shot up and a faint blush coated his cheeks when he, no doubt, read the part she had just been reading. And then a sly smile took over his face just before he looked at her with cheeky eyes. ''So this is what you've been doing all afternoon?''

''I swear-''

''Here,'' he cut her off and handed her back the book. She took it from him harshly, breathing hard through her nose. She then noticed their proximity and the hot stare of his golden eyes. ''You have to let me borrow it sometime. I can't wait to find out what happens after he took out his hard, throbbing-''

''Zuko,'' she hissed and looked back to see if any of the group heard them. Thankfully, no one paid them any attention. Not even Katara, too busy talking with Aang. ''There are children here.''

He smirked. ''They can't hear us.''

''They would have if you spoke up any louder.''

''Good thing I didn't, then.''

Neither of them moved away. And then his earlier words registered in her mind, and she couldn't help but think about his hard, throbbing length that had once filled her so completely, had made her so whole and gave her so much pleasure, joy and love.

''What are you thinking about?'' he whispered, no doubt seeing the arousal evident in her eyes.

She blushed and replied honestly, ''You don't want to know.''

''I think I do,'' he huskily answered and raised his hand to one of her locks, twirling the brown, soft hair in his fingers.

''I bet you do,'' she answered and unconsciously leaned in further, enticed by his scent, the weight of his gaze, the heat of his body…

''Milah?'' the voice of her sister called out to the two. Milah broke away from the moment and immediately walked towards the small campfire again.

''Are you all right? Did he say something?'' she asked the pregnant woman.

Milah nodded. ''I'm fine. He won't hurt me.''

''Yeah, right,'' Katara muttered silently, which Milah ignored. It would take a lot before her little sister would place Zuko in a different light. She could understand why; in her eyes, Zuko was responsible for everything bad that had happened in her life. She could only hope that after the war was over, they would finally see eye to eye, especially since Zuko would become a permanent family of their family once their baby was born.

That night, when everyone was asleep, Milah took out the leather pouch from her pant skirt and let the jewellery fall into her palm once more. She caressed the ring with care and then studied the one she was already wearing.

Amim, Taruq, Marok, her father, Bato… they were all somewhere in prison while they sat here, doing nothing. At least… that was what it was feeling like.

It had been a long time since Milah had had a nightmare, but it seemed like her final thoughts before falling asleep had followed her into her dream. She dreamt of dark golden eyes, lightning and long, black hair chasing everyone she loved while she could only watch. Could only watch the entity that didn't have a face but oh-so-familiar features kill Amim while she was being held back by even more familiar rough and warm hands, Zuko's hands, while the blue fire shredded him apart, tearing flesh from his bones while the life left Amim's eyes slowly.

Milah gasped awake and sat up with urgency, prepared to fight off the Princess that had haunted her in her sleep. But it wasn't even light yet and everyone was still asleep.

''Hey,'' a voice she'd recognise anywhere whispered from her left. She turned quickly with her arms raised, but her mind had finally caught up with the present.

''Hey,'' she whispered back and rubbed a hand over her face. ''Did I wake you?''

''Yeah,'' he answered and sat down next to her. She had a déjà vu of many nights on their ship when she had been plagued by nightmares as well. ''You had a nightmare.'' It wasn't a question.

''I did, yes.'' She was more than aware of their legs touching and fiddled with a loose strap of her bedroll.

''Want to tell me about it?'' His hands lay patiently in his lap.

The little Waterbender shrugged. ''I worry about… about Amim, and my dad, and my friends. They have been taken prisoner by the Fire Nation, you know, during the attack. And now I'm afraid-'' she choked up.

If there was one thing Zuko hated, it was seeing Milah cry. His little Waterbender shouldn't cry over anything. She deserved the world with all she gave, all she felt for everything and everyone. He dared to take one of her hands in his own and revelled at the sight before he felt the outline of a ring, immediately noticing it wasn't the ring he had given her, but Amim's.

''I wish…'' he started but didn't know how to finish.

''Yeah, me too,'' she answered with an equal soft whisper and tore her hand from his. He felt cold. ''Go to sleep, Zuko.'' And with that, she laid down on her bedroll, facing him with her back.

That morning, it was Zuko that woke up first, as usual. He was always the first one to wake out of everyone everywhere. But what was different was the place where he had gone to sleep just last night.

It didn't take long before he remembered. He had woken up by small whimpers made by Milah, laying just a few meters away. Always in his sight, just in case. And then they had talked and she had ordered him to go to sleep. But he had stayed awake just a while longer, making sure she was asleep while trading his fingers through her hair, knowing she liked it when someone did that. However, he had fallen asleep as well, too addicted to her presence and instantly feeling relaxed just knowing they were together again.

And that's how he fell asleep, right next to her. Or, rather, he had fallen asleep against her, with his arm wrapped around her middle protectively while she used his arm as a pillow, her cold fingers laying on his warm skin. His eyes opened slowly and marvelled at the sight of her curled against him, making the hard-on he already had, grow even more painfully, making him let out an involuntary grunt. Zuko refrained from moving, not wanting to wake her up so early that barely any birds had started singing yet.

So he closed his eyes again, relaxing against the cold body of the love of his life and trying to imprint the moment in his brain for as long as it lasted.

Milah woke up from loud noises that sounded as if someone was preparing breakfast rather aggressively and noticed the heavy weight around her middle almost immediately after, together with a soft and hot thing she was laying with her head on.

It dawned on her who was laying against her, together with who was clattering pots and pans in such a way that there was no way anybody could sleep through that. And then she noticed the hardness poking in her butt and unconsciously squirmed, making the man behind her let out a very low groan that shot straight through her body to her core. Milah cursed inwardly and moved her hand from the arm it was laying on to move Zuko's other arm from her waist so she could get out of his strong hold, knowing it was only a matter of time before her sister would take matters very seriously and pour water over them both.

But the Prince only tightened his arm around her and she groaned, ''Zuko. Let me go.''

''Just a little more,'' he whispered back huskily and felt him nuzzle his nose in her hair.

''Now, Zuko,'' she scolded and pulled on his arm harder to which he finally complied, rolling over to his back. Milah immediately felt colder when she pushed the bedroll from her, groaning from a jab of pain in her round ligament when sitting up, followed by a starting headache between her eyes.

Great. It was going to be one of those days.

''Good, you're up,'' Katara chirped while the smell of breakfast hit her. But Katara looked concerned when she didn't see Milah stand up, but remain seated with one hand pressed to her side and the other to her head. ''Are you okay?''

Milah shook her head slowly. ''I have a headache. And my ligaments are starting to act up.'' She felt Zuko sit up and set his eyes on her worriedly.

''Your what?'' he asked with concern.

Milah sighed and said, ''It's the area at my sides. They're stretching because I'm getting fat. It's harmless, don't worry.'' She lowered herself slowly to her bedroll again.

Teo spoke up suddenly. ''That sounds… awful.''

Milah shrugged. ''It's okay. In the end, it's going to be worth it. He's going to be worth it.''

Zuko's heart swelled just hearing those words from her. Even though she was the one to go through the pain and struggles that came with the pregnancy, she was still talking so highly of their little one.

When all of them had settled around the little fire Aang had made with his newly practised firebending, Zuko walked to where Milah was still laying on her bedroll with a bowl of breakfast in his hands. He sat down next to her, careful not to wake her in case she was sleeping. However, she opened her eyes the moment she felt a presence at her side and sat up slowly.

''No, lay down,'' he said softly and pushed her back to which she complied. ''You should be resting. Katara said you overexercised yourself the past few days and that's probably the reason why you're feeling… like you do right now.''

Milah's small smile tugged at his heart. ''She's right, as usual.''

''You two have that in common.'' Their eyes met when she opened them.

''Are you saying I'm always right? Or is that just my imagination?'' she jokingly asked.

''Don't let it go to your head,'' he grunted and gestured to the bowl in his hand. ''If you feel like eating, Katara made some soup.''

''Thanks,'' she sighed. ''Can you help me sit up? I'm hungry.''

''Of course,'' he breathed and put the bowl down to lift her gently by the arms. He noticed her rubbing her lower back. ''Are you still in pain? That can't be good, right?'' Worry settled in his stomach.

''It's fine,'' she muttered and took the bowl he had outstretched to her, taking a sip.

Zuko shook his head. ''If you're in pain, it's not fine.''

''Stop babying me. I can take care-''

''Stop saying you can take care of yourself and let me help you take care of you both!'' he snapped and regretted it when a frost colder than the North Pole settled over her eyes as if her gaze was able to freeze even the hottest desert on earth.

''Listen now and carefully, Zuko,'' she hissed and sat down her bowl, standing up. He tried to help her by grabbing her arms, but she roughly pushed him away. ''I've been taking care of myself these past few months just fine without you by my side. I didn't need you then and I certainly don't need you now. We both don't need you, so the sooner you get that into that thick skull of yours, the easier it gets. Sounds familiar?''

Even the birds stopped singing their lullaby and not one badger frog could be heard. Silence ensued while her anger grew and grew.

''I haven't asked you to return now, did I? It was all your decision to come back! And now you're here, all you've been doing is commanding me around, saying I can't do this, I can't do that, trying to win me over by saying you love me while you've done absolutely nothing to prove that matter ever since you betrayed me in Ba Sing Se!''

''I'm sorry for all of it-'' Zuko's voice cracked and he tried to step closer, not knowing how he could try to earn her forgiveness while her true feelings out.

''No!'' Milah yelled and pushed him hard enough that he stumbled back. ''Fucking stop saying you're sorry! I have had enough of that stupid word and I have had enough of you. I wish you never came back!''

Lie. A horrendous, poisonous lie that cut through the air like a blade, making the hearts bleed of the two people on either side of that lie.

A whiff of the soup Katara had made, made the contents of her stomach rise into her mouth and before she could process what had just happened or what she'd just said, Milah was sprinting towards the nearest pillar and vomited all over the side.

A gentle sussing eased the heaving gradually while a hand stroked her back lovingly, the other one holding back her long locks. And when she was done, tears streamed over her cheeks, gagging making a place for loud sobs.

''I hate you,'' she whispered while Zuko simply held her in his arms, steering her away from the scene she had just made. ''I hate you. I really hate you.''

''I know,'' he answered softly and she could hear the tears in his voice. ''And I love you. No matter what you think, I know that I love you.''

She sobbed louder because of it and didn't protest when he lifted her bridal style, carrying her to one of the empty sleeping chambers. He laid her down softly on the bed and she was out almost immediately after, knowing her body needed the rest as well as her mind.

Zuko stayed with her until she fell asleep, letting the tears flow freely from his eyes now as well. ''How can I make this right?'' he asked eventually with a hoarse voice.

He didn't know if he ever could, but even if it was the last thing he would ever do, he would never stop trying to make things right with her.