Chapter 4

Turning on the light was when I realized that it was Joe sat there. I was really annoyed that he'd just let himself in.

"Joe, I don't want you here, please go and leave my key on the way out"

Joe didn't move or say a word as I walked into the kitchen area, he just sat in the chair watching me.

"This has gone on for long enough Cupcake"

I didn't like the way that he'd said that and not wanting to get into a face to face confrontation with him, I busied myself in the kitchen to make myself a coffee. Him knocking my mug off the worktop and grabbing hold of my arm to turn me around shocked me, I was totally unaware that he'd walked over to me.

"I've given you all the time I'm prepared to give. You need to stop behaving like a spoilt brat and realize that you and I are meant to be"

Having Joe so close to me as he spoke with a subdued anger sent a shiver down my back, and not a good one. His breath stank of alcohol and his grip on my arm was starting to hurt. That was when I knew that Joe wasn't going to leave me alone and to be honest that thought and how he was behaving had me feeling afraid of him.

"I'm telling you to leave Joe. I'm telling you that I will never, ever get back together with you"

Maybe it was the low tone of my voice or what I'd said, I don't know which, but suddenly he was pinning me up against the worktop with his body trapping me. I tried to push him away from me but that had only seemed to egg him on. With both of my wrists clenched tightly in his behind my back he began trying to kiss me. Of course, I struggled and moved my head around out of the way, in an attempt to stop him and that was when he decided to aim for my neck.

"No fucking way Cupcake. I always get who I want, you should remember that"

Scenes from years ago had flashed through my head at his words because yes, I did remember. The scene from the Tasty Pastry swam in front of my eyes as he repeated the same words as he'd said that night, that he always got who he wanted. I'd been young and naive all those years ago and after initially fighting him had relented to his demands, believing I suppose that I was the girl that Joe Morelli had seriously wanted. I wasn't that young girl anymore so continued to fight against him.

"I will never be who you want me to be Joe"

That was when his mouth locked down on the base of my neck with an intensity of pain I'd not felt before. I knew that I was screaming at him but that only seemed to encourage him. It seemed like an age before he had let go of me and stepped back from me wiping the blood from his mouth.

"Yeah, maybe being rough is what you'd enjoy. This isn't over Cupcake"

I just stood there and watched as he walked out of the door and for the first time ever, I was truly afraid of what he might do to me. I was shaking like a leaf and unable to really comprehend what had just happened. Joe had never hurt me or threatened me before, but now, let's just say that I was more than just afraid as the tears began to cascade down my cheeks. I sank to the floor, ignoring the broken pottery and just held myself as I cried.

It seemed an age later when the crying stopped, and I knew that I needed to pull myself together. I just wasn't sure what to do about Joe now. To think that my mother wanted me to marry him disgusted me. Would she say that it was a wife's duty to be attacked by him, probably, and no doubt it would be my own fault. I was on autopilot as I cleaned up the broken mug and making coffee now wasn't going to happen. I grabbed my jacket from where I'd left it and retrieved my gun, stun gun and cuffs from the pockets along with my receipt for Joanna Reeves. My cuffs and the receipt went into my bag while the gun and stun gun went underneath my pillow because I remembered that Joe never had left my key as he left my apartment.

Looking in the mirror as I washed my face I grimaced at the ugly wound at the base of my neck. Once again asking how Joe could have done that to me. My neck was a mess with a raw jagged cut through the skin where he'd bitten it but in my true denial mode, I cleaned it up and put a dressing over it, covering it up so as not to think about it. Then I started to move furniture. I used chairs and a chest of drawers to blockade the door afraid that he might return. I'd cried myself to sleep that night so afraid of how I was going to stop Joe from hurting me again.

The next morning my eyes were red and puffy, and I felt like shit from a restless night. No way was I going to leave the apartment today. My nerves just wouldn't cope with doing that. Not only would I have to face a barrage of questions from Connie and Lula, but I couldn't cope with the idea of bumping into Joe. There were things that I could do here at the apartment, one of which would be asking Dillon, the building manager, to change my lock out. That happened quicker than I thought it would which had me wondering if Dillon kept a spare supply of new locks just for me.

I spent time tidying the apartment thinking about doing some laundry but then deciding that there wasn't enough to fill a machine with. Maybe at the weekend I'd change the sheets and contemplate facing the laundry room here in the building. I suppose that I was still a little raw from my experience with Joanna Reeves and Joe, so I spent the rest of the day researching the last file that Connie had given to me.

Edward Rourke had been charged with stealing a car, an expensive car, but going through his priors it became obvious to me that he was one of Grizoli's goons. That was why his bond was so high, though most of his priors seemed to be when he was caught with a shit ton of drugs on him. I couldn't understand why he would need to steal a car because according to his finances he had enough money stashed in an account to be able to afford to buy one. It made no sense to me until I found out through his medical record that he was color blind. Did that affect why he took that car? Had he taken the wrong car because he couldn't differentiate between the colors.

I called Francis over at the BMW dealership and she gave me the list of people who had bought the same model at the same time. Rourke had stolen a blue one, so I looked at the names and plates for a grey one. That was when I needed help to identify who the cars might belong to.

I needed Connie's help with that because she was far better versed on the who is who within the families.

"Hi Connie. I'm looking at Rourke's file and had an idea as to why he stole that manager's car"

"Why does that matter?"

I could appreciate why Connie would ask that so prepared to explain myself.

"I think he took the wrong car because he's color blind. I'm sure that he was supposed to be picking up another that probably had a stash of drugs inside. That's his MO, moving drugs, not stealing cars"

I let that stew with Connie as I started to read through the cars and names of people that had the same model but in a different color. If Rourke had stolen a blue car then maybe he was actually looking for a dark grey one.

"So how can I help?"

"If I read out some names, can you tell me if you know anything about them"

I knew that I could have run a search on them but talking to Connie was faster and probably a more accurate way to do it.

Connie recognized the name, Toutan, as someone connected, so all that I needed to do was to keep tabs on his car and then wait for Rourke to turn up.

"Anything else come in Connie?"

"No, you have three open files to keep you occupied with"

"Two. I took Joanna Reeves in last night. I'll get the receipt to you tomorrow"

After saying goodbye, I was keen to find out where Toutan lived or had properties because tomorrow I needed to find that car and then do some surveillance on it. Tonight, much as I was regretting my decision, I had a gym to attend.

Before leaving the apartment for the gym I checked the parking lot to make sure that there was no truck or police issue car that Joe might be using. I hated that I was scared to leave my own building because of him but I couldn't miss this first session. Confident that the coast was clear I was soon at my car and pulling out onto the street. I kept checking my mirrors but was sure that no one was following me which had me relaxing a bit. The gym wasn't anything to look at from the outside, in fact the frontage looked like any other shop window, well except for the large photos. Stepping through the door I was greeted by a young woman sat behind a high desk.

"I'm here for the gym session for women and how to protect yourself"

I felt a bit embarrassed to be saying that and realized that maybe I needed to protect myself from Joe as well as my skips. It was almost ironic that he'd hurt me far worse than any skips had done in the last year. The young woman, who looked to be maybe mid twenties smiled at me and then asked me to fill in the sign in book on the desk.

"Walk through the changing rooms and follow the signs for the gym"

I was impressed with how clean the place was and that the changing rooms had such a good lay out. They were warm with large lockers and benches for changing, toilets and showers. Maybe I'd bring my gym gear next time and save having to go home all hot and sweaty. While the changing rooms were empty the gym held a number of women stood around talking. They were of all ages, shapes and sizes and wore a variety of gear from some pro outfits to joggers and T-shirts. I'd worn joggers over cycling shorts just to hedge my bets along with a T-shirt that fitted me snugly. At the sound of hands clapping, we were all surrounding a small woman who was probably older than me making me wonder how she could possibly know anything about self defense.

"Firstly, this is your session, so I need for you to feel comfortable. My name is Katy and just so we can recognize each other I'll be giving you a badge with your name on it"

Okay, I appreciated the warm welcome and I suppose I didn't object to people knowing my name.

"We're going to always start with a warm up. I know that doesn't happen in real situations, but I don't want anyone to strain a muscle from a movement. So let's start. Groups of three with a rope. I know you'll be thinking of your schoolyard days, but it's an excellent way to warm up your shoulders, wrists and legs"

I joined two other woman who seemed to be more my age and started by swinging the rope before we swapped out and I was the one jumping. It calmed my nerves when I realized that not everyone was nimble on their feet and there was a lot of laughing going on.

"Okay, now for the next warm up. Grab yourself an ankle skipper to loosen the knees and hips"

I was impressed with how Katy had us warming up and actually found myself enjoying myself though maybe that was down to remembering the games that I used to play with Mary Lou. It took me a while to get into the rhythm of using a hula hoop again, but I had to admit that my heart rate was up and my breathing fast when we'd done that without even a twinge of a stitch.

"Right ladies. You're here because you want to defend yourselves better. Each of you will have your own reasons for wanting to do that. Maybe you've had an experience that's scared you or know of someone that's been in a difficult situation. So let's start with some basic holds that someone might do to you"

Katy showed us how to position our feet saying that it was important for any of the moves that she was going to be showing us. Stand sideways feet apart with your weight on the front foot. Then as you freed yourself step back and away always facing your opponent with the side of your body and out of reach. We practiced holds to the wrist, arms and clothing which all used the same technique. It was simple but effective which suited me fine. The time flew by, and I felt empowered already with the few things that we'd been shown but at the back of mind I wasn't sure how I would break free from the hold that Joe had used.

"Ladies, that was brilliant. Before you go, I want you to decide which holds concern you the most. These sessions are yours, so we do what each of you want. There's a sheet for you to circle three holds that you want help with. I'll see you all next Monday"

I joined the other women to pick up a pencil and the sheet that Katy had referred to, eager to see what moves we could be doing. To be honest all of the moves would be good for me to learn given how skips could grab a hold of me but the one position that I was most concerned about wasn't there.

"Steph, you okay with that sheet?"

I turned to see Katy stood by my side, but I was struggling to say how I felt. I felt embarrassed that I couldn't stop Joe from hurting me.

"I know that the job that you do brings you into contact with people who might be, well I suppose violent toward you. Is there a hold that I've missed out on?"

That threw me because she was right and had included most of the holds that I'd been assaulted with. My hand went to my neck as I remembered how vulnerable Joe had made me feel.

"This isn't work related is it?"

I shook my head not really knowing what to say.

"Ex"

Slipped from me before I even thought about it.

"Okay show me what he did and then we'll go from there. Pretend that I'm you"

It felt way too intimate doing that, but Katy kept gently talking to me until I had her in the position that Joe had held me in. As I stepped away, I wasn't sure how she could help.

"Okay, one way to confuse the assailant is to feint"

That totally confused me wondering how fainting was going to help.

"No not faint as in pass out, feint as in a deceptive or distracting movement. The weird thing is that sometimes if you fight or struggle your assailant only increases their hold. If you feint your movement or literally relax into them that can give them a sense of false security, and they tend to relax their grip. Hold at me again and I'll show you"

I felt as Katy relaxed into me as I held her and have to admit that my immediate reaction was to relax my grip and step back slightly. Once I did that, she showed me various methods of retaliation. My forehead against the nose, a turn of the body until one wrist was released and of course a move that I had fine tuned to perfection, a knee to the groin. Her advice though was then to run and find a safe place because any man who would hurt me like that would be pissed that I'd managed to escape from him.

I left the gym feeling so much better, probably with more confidence than I'd had when I got there, but I was still very wary of what was happening around me. No unknown vehicles in the parking lot and this time when I entered the apartment, I had my gun in my hand. I felt like an idiot as I cleared each room, even throwing the closet doors open for any intruders. Nothing was out of place which to be honest had me breathing easier. Maybe Joe was feeling bad about what he'd done to me and wouldn't try anything again.

Friday came all too soon but at least Lula and I had managed to get into where the latest cock fighting was taking place, but before I even had eyes on Chappie she was causing a scene. Lula definitely had a way of spooking the birds that were being kept in their cages. The sound that they made was eerie and enough for her to panic, taking some of the cages from the benches as she'd made a run for the exit. To be honest Lula leaving me was probably for the best because I felt that I could blend in better on my own. My hat was over my hair and low on my face while another jacket that had been at the back of the closet gave no clue as to what sex I was. I'd spied Chappie at the betting posts where he was creating a stink with the man taking bets. A couple of henchmen removed him from the warehouse which I saw as an opportunity to follow him.

Out in the dark alley I tried to be discreet with following him and had just rounded a corner when I came face to face with a very pissed off Chappie. I wasn't quick enough to avoid him and that ended up with me on my back with his hands around my neck trying to shake and strangle the life out of me. Stupid thoughts went through my head as I struggled to get air into my lungs. Shit when was Katy going to be teaching us how to avoid being strangled?

Then all of a sudden, he was laid out on the sidewalk next to me, out for the count. I had absolutely no idea what had happened. I never got a chance to get to my stun gun and was going down the route of thinking that he'd had a heart attack or stroke. That was when I looked to my side and did a double take. Stood about to lean over Chappie was Hector. I hadn't been aware that Hector was anywhere near or that he was aware of what I was doing but he must have been the one who had stunned Chappie, cuffed him and as I continued to watch, Chappie was being deposited into my car.

I was so relieved and yet shocked at the same time as I got to my feet. Not a word was said but I went up on my tiptoes in front of Hector and kissing his cheek while I said "Gracios" to him. Then he just disappeared back into the shadows. I was just so grateful for the coincidence that Hector was there, but also surprised that he'd helped me. Should I have been surprised? I wasn't sure, I mean Hector was one of Ranger's men, but he was one hell of a scary dude. He was one of the men who hadn't been in the military, but in a gang on the streets. He wore tattoos as evidence of that with the tear drop tattoo clear for all to see underneath his eye. Was I scared of him? No, not really but I did treat him with respect like always trying to find an appropriate word in Spanish when I came across him. For some reason he seemed to appreciate that.

As I approached the station, I made a call so pleased when Eddie answered from inside.

"Hi Eddie. I, err, I'm outside with a skip"

"On my way Steph"

I felt so relieved as I watched Eddie walk out toward my car and immediately opened my door. I was in the process of pulling Chappie out when Eddie took his arm and started to frog march him toward the door, with me in hot pursuit. As we entered the room my eyes were flitting everywhere hoping that Joe wasn't nearby even though, at least at the moment, I was in the safety of the precinct. Eddie stayed with me as I signed for the receipt and that was when I felt it. A coldness in the air that had me turning to see Joe stood against the wall watching me. Eddie was handing me my receipt when he noticed Joe watching us.

"I'll walk you out Steph"

As we came to my car, I was back to feeling scared again. What if Joe followed me, what if he got to me before I reached my door, or he managed to open my door when I was inside?

"Steph, he's on shift all night. I'll keep my eye on him"

Okay, I could work with that though the way that Joe had looked at me puzzled me. I thought that I knew him well enough to be able to read his expressions and posture, but not tonight. I paused starting the car because I realized that he looked worried. Was he worried that I'd report him for what he'd done or was he worried that he'd blown all chances of me ever talking to him again.

Instead of using a lot of furniture to barricade my door it had become routine for me to place a chair resting underneath the doorknob. At least then I would have warning of anyone coming into the apartment and be able to have my gun ready to fire at an intruder.

I spent the weekend looking for that damn BMW that I was hoping was the car that Rourke was after. It was a good job that I had the plate for it because it was surprising how many grey BMWs there were driving around Trenton. It wasn't kept at Toutan's address, surprise, surprise. Monday, well that was a waste of a day. Val called me in the morning asking me to visit for Angie's birthday which had me feeling very guilty that I'd forgotten all about it. That entailed a trip to the mall where after a lot of looking and hair pulling, I bought her one of those books that contained hundreds of facts and information.

As I pulled up outside of Val's house, I was dreading the idea that my mother would be there. I hadn't been to my parent's house since that dinner with them and had ignored her calls and deleted her messages without reading them. I was hesitant as I knocked on the door but seeing Angie stood there, I reverted to the Aunt Steph that she knew so well.

"Hi, happy birthday Angie"

And that was the beginning of my two hour stay at my sister's house. The end, well you guessed, my parents arrived. Fortunately for me I stayed in the front room with the girls knowing that my mother wouldn't dare lecture me in front of them, yeah, I was a coward. Though even I knew that I couldn't avoid her forever. As if by magic she was suddenly stood in the doorway a false smile on her face as she addressed the children.

"Girls, your mother has a surprise outside in the backyard"

I was cornered and outmaneuvered by my own mother, and knew that I had to face the music.

"I'm disappointed in you Stephanie. You haven't replied to any of my calls or messages"

"I've been busy, mum"

Was all that I could think to say without being rude.

"Well, I hope that you've been busy thinking about what we talked about"

I watched as she sat down on the couch but preferred to remain where I was on the floor. I really didn't want to have this conversation so started to tidy away the toys that the girls had been playing with and folding the wrapping paper from Angie's presents.

"You're good with the girls. Think how much you'd enjoy it if it was your own"

I had a smart answer on the tip of my tongue, but I pressed my lips together to stop from saying it. I wasn't going to sink down to her level or give her the satisfaction that she was getting to me.

"Joseph told me that you're being difficult with him. He's such a patient man and is still wanting to marry you"

I was seething at hearing that but on the outside remained calm, well I hoped so though seeing as my mother thought that she knew me so well maybe she could see the nuances that gave me away. I was so annoyed that she'd been talking to Joe and that she was actually believing what he was saying. It was as though my feelings or wants didn't matter. Then again to her they probably didn't. I picked up the paper and pushed myself to my feet with the intention of handing it over to Val in the kitchen but even that plan was thwarted as Val entered the room.

"Mum, I told you to stop interfering in Steph's life. She's a grown woman and can make her own decisions"

I'm sure that my eyebrows shot up into my hairline because that was the last thing that I expected Val to say.

"Angie wants you to see her new present mum"

I watched amazed as our mother got up from the chair and disappeared from the room without a word. What alien had taken over Val? Hell, she always backed my mother and what she said.

"Don't say a word Steph until I have my say"

Okay, something had definitely changed about my sister, but I just had no idea what it was. As Val sat down on the couch, I sat in the chair opposite her prepared to hear what she had to say.

"I know about Joe and the other women"

"How?"

I thought that was impossible because Joe had been in New York City when Mary Lou had spotted him looking very cozy with another woman. Joe had told me he was working so it took Mary Lou's photo of him at a bar for me to believe her and I knew that Mary Lou would never tell anyone else.

"I know Rita Cunliffe and she was full of it, how she had this amazing romantic weekend away in New York. I don't think that she realized that you were my sister or that he had a girlfriend because she was all too keen to show us her photos"

Rita Cunliffe, I knew her, well vaguely. She worked as a nurse at the hospital, so she'd dealt with me a time or two.

"She has a little boy, so I know her from the parent group that we both go to"

I sat and digested that bit of information wondering if Joe knew that Rita was broadcasting their romantic weekend away together. I suppose that it didn't matter to me, in fact the more people who knew about them then the easier it would be for me.

"Steph you're my sister and I know that we haven't always got along but I do know you and you're not like me or mum. You're a free spirit and I know that eventually you'll find your destiny. After listening to mum harp on about you I started to worry that maybe I was doing the same with Mary Alice. She's just like you and I don't want to hurt her like mum is doing to you"

Wow, was what went through my mind. Val, my sister, who I'd spent my whole life being compared to had finally opened her eyes to how our mother treated me. That she was aware of her own behavior toward Mary Alice and wanted to change it had tears coming to my eyes. I stood up and bent over Val, hugging her to me.

"She's an amazing little girl Val and you're an amazing mother"

I left after that feeling pleased that I'd made the effort to visit. I may have demoted my mother to someone who I really didn't like but I'd gained a sister.

Monday morning had me searching for that damn car again and then I watched it, waiting for Rourke to turn up. I knew when I found it in a cinema parking lot that it was there for a pickup but had no idea when. That meant that I had to watch the damn thing until Rourke turned up and everyone knew how good I was at doing that. The only positive thing about where I parked was that there was a Burger King next to the cinema that provided me with food and a toilet. Every so often I would leave the car to walk around before my muscles went to sleep. I got through a whole book just waiting but it was the early hours of the morning that had me relenting and going home to get warm and catch some sleep. The next morning as I waited, I just knew that Rourke was going to turn up soon so planned how I was going to take him down, hey I had enough time to think about it.

Maybe I was being devious, or some might say malicious, but I messed with the valves on two of the tires of the parked car and then waited for Rourke to turn up. I have to say that after an hour of waiting I was shitting myself in case I'd made a huge mistake. When Rourke turned up, he'd had someone else drop him off before he saw the damage to the tires. I was parked close to him and offered to help, but man was he annoyed. I had my phone in my hand offering to call a garage when he yanked it from me and then stomped on it. Who knew a punch to the throat could knock him out? Yeah, it seemed that Katy at the gym was concerned about me and the job that I did, especially as I usually worked alone. So after everyone else had left she spent an hour with me on how to immobilize someone. A kick to their knees, a punch to their gut followed by one to their face and the last one was a punch to the throat.

I was actually proud of how I found and captured Rourke and couldn't wait to get him to the station to collect my receipt. I was lucky because there was no sign of Joe or even Eddie for that matter, so the hand over went smoothly. I would go to the office to hand over my receipts and then take a well earned break.