A/N: So Sarah, and her friends, have come to the realization that she has developed some feelings for our young Mr. Bartowski. And who could blame her, right? The question is, what will she do about it? What about the show and the other contestants? What about… well, how about you just read and find out. ;)
Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck. I also don't own spandex … anything. You're welcome.
Chapter 11
It was early evening at the estate and Chuck was laying in his top bunk, his hands behind his head, staring up at the ceiling. They had a couple of hours to kill before they needed to do the filming of the day's elimination ceremony. He had attempted to spend some time in the common areas with the other contestants, making an effort to get to know them better, be less introverted.
They were lounging around, watching some kind of sports ball or another. Those that weren't yelling at the TV were talking about the women they'd seen at the movie set, Sarah and Carina included, comparing notes. Neither activity interested him, but he was going to try to make an effort. Watching sports being the lesser of two evils, he sat in one of the leather easy chairs, feeling uncomfortable.
"So, who's playing?" Chuck asked innocently, trying to sound interested.
"Dude, why are you here?" barked Guy, the man who'd been in his tour group earlier in the day.
"You know. Catching up on some basketball. This is basketball, right-"
"No. In this house. Why are you even here at all? I mean, look at you. I pantsed people like you in high school." That warranted a chuckle from a few of the other men in the 'peanut gallery'. "Sarah is so far out of your league, it's ridiculous. You're a joke. Do you really think that, even for a second, she'd be with a nerd like you? You do realize you're just the token dork for this show right? You see that don't you?" Chuck just stared at the coffee table, swallowing the hurt and anger, remaining silent. "You're just here so they can claim they gave the loser a shot. Soon you'll be gone and the real show can get started. So do us all a favor and just tap out. Save yourself the embarrassment." Guy and several others snorted at his comments, exchanging some grunts of solidarity.
Chuck should have been more hurt and dejected, but the truth of the matter was, Guy didn't say anything that Chuck hadn't already told himself. As much as Chuck hated to admit it, there was probably a lot of truth to what Guy had said. Despite all the doubts about himself, and whether he should be here or not, he found that one constant kept him above water, kept him from sinking. It was her. That smile. Those eyes. Sure, he may not be the one for her, but dammit he wanted to be, more than anything, and, by God, he was going to do whatever he could to be the man that deserved her.
Chuck pushed himself up to his feet, clearing his throat. "You're right. About all of it... She is out of my league. But she's out of your league too. All of you," Chuck declared, waving his finger around the room. "I may be a 'dork' and some sort of joke to you. That's fine. But at least I'm being honest with myself and with her. If she doesn't want me, then fine. That's her choice and I accept that. But I'm not going to parade around here, pretending to be someone I'm not. Not for her or anyone else. You, your smarmy grin and perfect hair can lie to her all you like, but eventually she's going to see right through your bullshit for the self-centered, opportunist you really are. So, good luck with that." Without another word, he walked out, ignoring the murmurs of the other contestants in his wake.
Finding that his bed was one of the few quiet places in the house, here he laid, staring at the ceiling, waiting. The minutes ticked by as he played the events of the day over in his mind. It had been a really good day. He'd met a lot of interesting people. The set crew, catering and craft services staff, even the director and producer. They had all been very pleasant people, contrary to what he might have guessed from what he saw in movies. Then there were the actors, Tony Todd and Carina Miller. Despite his normally imposing presence, Tony was quite friendly. Carina Miller was... something else entirely. She seemed to be good friends with Sarah, or at least that was the impression he got from their interactions. He could tell that Carina was teasing him, pretending to be flirty with him for some reason. Likely to make him embarrassed. It had definitely worked.
At dinner, sitting between the two actresses was beyond anything he could have dreamt up. Of course, leave it to him to stick his foot in his mouth. He always got so nervous around women, especially beautiful ones. Add into the equation that one of those women was Sarah Walker and the nervousness grew exponentially. He knew he tended to spiral out of control, rambling just to fill the awkwardness in the air. Chuck had done that very thing when he'd first met her, stumbling over his words. He tried to play today's dinner conversation over in his mind, but it was a little foggy.
He'd called her 'extraordinary', and that she was. It was only now, in hindsight, that he realized he'd said she would never be normal. While true in some regards, he could see how hurtful that could sound. When he got nervous or flustered, his mouth started running before his brain could properly filter what came out. He had seen a flash of hurt in her eyes, he was sure of that now, and it made him sick to think of it. Thankfully, he hadn't caught it at the time or he might not have been able to explain himself. Had he really gone on a long spiel about her eyes? Seriously? Chuck rolled his eyes at himself, sighing with exasperation.
She hadn't said anything in response to that. What was she supposed to say? "Thanks for creeping me out"? "Do you have a picture collage of me on the wall of your closet?" He must have sounded like a complete mental case. Carina had made a comment about her middle name, but Chuck wasn't sure what that was about, he'd been too lost in his own thoughts to analyze it. They had been interrupted after that, or 'saved' was more like it. At least Sarah didn't have to sit in that awkward silence trying to come up with something polite to say. They hadn't spoken at all for the remainder of dinner. Carina had said her goodbyes and actually hugged him, which was unexpected to say the least. Most surprising of all was when she whispered, "Good luck, Chuckles" into his ear before she pulled away, smirking at him as she left. Carina was a puzzling woman, and a little bit scary, if he were honest. He wasn't sure what to make of it all, and he only had… an hour and twenty-three minutes to stew over it until it was time for filming.
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"You ready, Sarah?" Alex asked, placing her hands on Sarah's shoulders, trying to peer into her eyes. Sarah shook herself from her daze, her eyes widening briefly as she refocused her attention.
"Yeah. Yeah. I'm...I'm ready." Alex didn't seem to be convinced, raising an eyebrow at her. Chuckling to herself, Sarah nodded, smiling. "I am. I'm ready. It's just been a very long day." Alex nodded her understanding and backed away, offering her a smile in return.
"Alright. Well, it's almost over. I'll go out and introduce you." With that, Alex smoothed down her clothes and made her way into the dining room, which had served as the setting for the daily elimination ceremonies.
Sarah couldn't help the thoughts rushing through her head. She was confused, overwhelmed and even a little scared. Not of being on camera, but of facing him. She knew he would be out there, watching, wondering. Was he wondering? What was he thinking? How did he truly feel about her? Well, she knew how he felt about her, at least a little bit. He had confessed that he thought she was 'extraordinary' and that he seemed to have a thing for her eyes. Just the thought of the things he had said made the butterflies in her stomach dance. His words seemed embossed in her mind, her thoughts running over them, feeling them.
"Your eyes sparkled a cornflower blue and it was probably the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."
How could she even look at him, knowing that she couldn't hide her feelings from him. Knowing that he could see … her. That was probably the most frightening of all. There were parts of herself that she never shared with anyone. Nobody had ever seemed to want to know 'her'. The actress, the model or the public figure, sure, they wanted to know all about that, but the woman inside?
Her relationships had always been so … superficial. She'd never felt comfortable sharing her past, her hopes and dreams, with anyone, not completely. Those were the things she kept just for herself, the things that the cameras, the paparazzi, hell, even the men she'd dated, never got to see. Now, here was this kind, unassuming man, a man she barely knew, and he somehow managed to worm his way past all of her carefully constructed defenses. The one saving grace was that he didn't abuse this power, if he even knew it was a power he possessed. He didn't seem to be looking for dirt to sell to some tabloid rag or hitch a ride on her coat-tails for fame and fortune. The other contestants? Oh, sure. It was plain to see their intentions, especially when they didn't think people were looking, but not Chuck. She hadn't talked with him enough to be certain what his agenda might be, but she suspected that he might be a true believer. That he was here for, of all things, exactly what was in the brochure. That seemed to be reinforced by the footage that Megan showed her not fifteen minutes ago.
The recordings were from two of the cameras in the main living room of the estate. Sarah had watched an exchange between Guy and Chuck. At first, she'd been furious by what she'd observed. The things that Guy had said to Chuck nearly sent her into a blind rage. Had it not been for Megan taking her arm, encouraging her to keep watching, she might have stormed into the house and beat his ass. Chuck's response was quite surprising, leaving her reeling even more. The fact that he didn't believe that he was in her league, that he wasn't good enough for her, sent a pang of guilt through her. She couldn't help but feel that some of that might have been her doing, that she hadn't shown him just how much she enjoyed his company, far more than the other contestants. But she couldn't say that though, could she? Hopefully, by not eliminating him tonight, he might get some sense of her feelings. Although, if he really did believe what Guy had said, that he was a 'token dork', only there for ratings, he may just assume that he was being kept in the competition for those ulterior motives. She'd have to find some way of reassuring him, to keep him from losing hope.
She snapped out of her musings when she heard her name being called, knowing that was her cue. She straightened to her full height, holding her head high. She could do this, she just needed to avoid eye contact with Chuck if at all possible. At least until she came up with a game plan. She would just have to focus on the other men, otherwise she'd give herself away. Stepping onto the set, she brandished her practiced smile, coming to rest on her mark on the floor.
"Good evening, gentlemen. I want to thank each of you for accompanying me on the tour of the set of the movie 'The Omaha Project'. It was very… educational. I feel like I got to know all of you a little bit better." Sarah scanned the group, purposefully avoiding Chuck's gaze. She didn't think she would be able to finish this if she looked at him. What she did see was probably much worse. The smug, oily grins of some of the other men made her sick and angry. That would make this part of the night all the more enjoyable. Gesturing to the large TV, she continued.
"As each of you explored the set and learned about the process of making a movie, the show's cameras went along for the ride." With that cue, the TV displayed a montage of video clips. Footage of a couple of the men sitting and reading magazines, nodding off on occasion. That got a laugh from many of the contestants, but their gaiety was short lived.
"Here we have some of our contestants, performing in-depth interviews, clearly trying to gain a better appreciation for the production process." Sarah's tone was oozing with sarcasm as she pointed out clips of two of the contestants hitting on women on the set. It was not innocent flirting, but flagrant attempts at picking them up, despite the women's refusals.
"Though not as 'enthusiastic' as the last gentlemen, we can see that several others also took interest in learning about the various jobs on a movie set." A collage of video snippets, showing men talking with the director and producer. Interspersed within them were clips of Chuck passing out coffee, helping to carry c-stands and even being hugged by the craft services manager. There were snickers throughout the group of men. She scanned over the gathering of contestants and briefly caught a glimpse of Chuck. His head was ducked slightly, looking rather embarrassed. Quickly, she shifted her gaze elsewhere before he spotted her.
"As you can see, not only did I get to know all of you a little better from our tour, but I was able to see how you behaved when ...'unsupervised'." Sarah gave the group a glare, her tone emphasizing her displeasure. The TV screen faded to black and she turned her full focus to the men.
"As you know, five of you will be going home this evening. It was a tough decision," Sarah continued, using all of her theatrical training to keep her smile intact. The only thing 'tough' about her decision was which men absolutely had to go home tonight and which she would send home tomorrow. "As I call your names, please step forward and relinquish your backstage passes." Pausing for effect, she looked over the group.
"Mark," she called, turning her focus to him.
"Wait. What?" The look of utter disbelief washed over him, his mouth agape.
"Mark. You made it perfectly clear that your primary goal was to get into the movie business and you wanted to ride on my coat-tails to do it. The whole purpose of this show is to try to find someone who will want to stand beside me, not use me to catapult themselves to stardom. I'm sorry, Mark, but I can't help you. Please turn in your pass and leave the house." Begrudgingly, he complied, handing her his pass and storming out of the room. Once the murmuring quieted, Sarah continued.
"Guy. I think the video evidence of your behavior speaks for itself. Please step forward and return your pass." He too looked equally shocked, dazed for a moment before he moved forward.
"You could have had it so good. You have no idea. Wait until you see what losers these guys really are. Well, Baby, you missed your chance and you'll regret it," he spat, glaring at her. Sarah didn't flinch at his words, instead, she smirked, as if she could taste something sweet.
"I understand you're hurt, Guy," she began, her tone saccharin sweet. "Perhaps you should have … 'tapped out. Saved yourself the embarrassment'," Sarah shot back, her fingers making air quotes. Realization seemed to hit him, causing his face to go slack, the color draining from him. Opening his mouth like a fish out of water, he tried for a comeback, but came up empty. He turned and quickly walked out of the room in a huff. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Casey moving behind the scenes to intercept Guy. She wasn't sure why, but she was a little disappointed that she wouldn't get to witness, first hand, what Casey was going to do to him. She could only hope that the camera crew would catch it on film for her to watch later.
"Michael. Please step forward. You too will be going home tonight. If you're trying to pick up other women, you're clearly not invested in this competition." Sarah stood tall, a commanding presence on the set, never wavering or backing down from any of the men, regardless of how angry they might have appeared. Sarah continued, calling the names of the two remaining contestants in turn. They went a little more peacefully, although they were clearly disgruntled at being eliminated. When all was said and done, there were four remaining.
"Congratulations Will, Jason, Stephen and Chuck. You four are safe until tomorrow. Please, get some rest. You've had a long day and you'll want to be well rested for tomorrow." She smiled at all of them, although she would have preferred to send at least one more of them home tonight. When she turned to look at Chuck, she only caught his gaze for a split second, but she could see he looked very worried. Sarah didn't understand why he would be worried, given that he had made it through to the next round. She assumed he would be pleased with that, especially after his argument with Guy. The fact that the man that had tried to discount him had been kicked to the curb instead, seemed like poetic justice. Maybe, as she feared, he needed more reassurance. She would have to find some way of giving him some not-so-subtle hints. Sarah watched him walk away, a part of her wanting to go after him to find out what he was thinking. She was interrupted by Zondra trying to get her attention, and when she was able to look up again, he was gone.
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When they were dismissed from the set, Chuck had to take a walk to clear his head. He made his way through the house, passing by the various crafts people, waving or returning a greeting as he passed. If anything, it helped to distract him from his thoughts. Once he was out of the house, he began to wander, no particular destination in mind. When he looked up from his shoes several minutes later, he found himself in the garden, standing in the clearing where he'd first met Sarah. It seemed like so long ago, so much having happened since that night, but in reality it had only been three days.
Sitting down in the same chair he had sat in during their initial meeting, his mind ran through the events that led him to this moment. Sarah had made a comment to Guy, when she took his backstage pass. A comment that brought so much into perspective for him. Sarah had seen the camera footage from the house. More than that, she had likely seen all of the camera footage. The footage from the house, their outings and events. She must have watched him struggle through the obstacle course, making a complete fool of himself. Sarah saw him at the hospital, when he thought he was out of the spotlight. She likely saw everything he had done at the movie set as well, though most of the people he had met already divulged much of that. She had seen the unedited, unfiltered version of himself. It was like those reoccurring dreams where you're running through school in your underwear, completely exposed, unable to escape.
That first night, during the elimination ceremonies, Sarah had not been able to look at him. He assumed at the time it was because he was being sent home, and there might have been some guilt there. But after being spared the hangman's noose, that seemed to get tossed out the window. Then he was spared again after his laughable performance at the obstacle course, though she did commend him on being honorable. So that was something at least. He had thought things had gone well at the hospital, at least they seemed to get along well for the short time they were together. He had made it through that elimination as well, bringing them to today's event. He thought that he had followed the spirit of the exercise, learning how the set of a movie functioned and all of the jobs that worked in concert to make a movie happen. He seemed to be the only one, so in hindsight, had he been trying too hard? The dinner that followed left him with mixed feelings. He knew that he tipped his hand too much, revealing his feelings for her. He thought, for just a fleeting moment, that maybe, just maybe, there was a spark there, but she'd remained silent, never voicing any type of reply.
The exchange with Guy had been an eye-opening one. Sure, he was under no illusions of how ridiculous he seemed, at least in comparison to most of these guys. It wasn't until Guy spelled it out that it all seemed to make sense. They were pushing him through the competition, purposefully keeping him in the game to give the appearance that he might have a chance. He was a gimmick, a marketing ploy for the show. That was why she couldn't look at him. Either she was angry at being unable to send him home or she found the whole thing so distasteful she just couldn't meet his gaze. Maybe he had just misread things at dinner, misunderstood her body language. It certainly wouldn't be the first time he'd misread a situation with a woman. If it was true, if he was just a placeholder, he had two choices. He could just give up the ghost and let the chips fall where they may, or he could go down swinging. He had made a promise to Ellie, and then to himself, that he would be the best version of himself he could be. Even when life had gotten tough, when he'd suffered great losses, he eventually got back up and kept going. Bartowskis, at least he and Ellie, weren't quitters. He would see this thing through until they decided it was time for him to leave. What did he have to lose?
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Chuck woke fairly early, but wasn't much in the mood for a run today. His sleep had been fitful at best and he wanted to save what energy he did have for the day's events. He was the only one left in his bedroom, all the others having been eliminated, but he still slept in the same top bunk. Hopping down, he began his day by taking a shower and getting dressed.
As he was the first one downstairs, and none of the staff would be at the house for a while yet, Chuck made coffee. While it brewed, he made himself a bowl of cereal and sat on a stool at the kitchen island to eat. Normally, he would be flipping through news or social media on his phone, but since they were confiscated for the show, he just looked at the patterns in the granite countertop. It had only been a few days but he wondered how Ellie and Awesome were doing. He imagined his sister was going crazy, wondering how things were going for him on the show. Hopefully, she could take some solace in knowing that, since he hadn't come home yet, he was still in the running. Chuck also thought about Morgan and the business. How were things going with the upcoming game release? It was supposed to be at least another week away and everything on their end had been completed before he left. He imagined Morgan was still freaking out about it, even though there was no need. That was just his way.
"Hey. Mind if I grab a bowl of that?" came a voice that startled Chuck from his daydream.
"Oh, uh, yeah. Sure. Help yourself. I just made coffee too, if you're interested," Chuck replied, gesturing toward the coffee maker.
"Thanks man," the person responded, making a bowl of cereal of his own. Grabbing a coffee mug, he poured himself a cup. "You need one?" the man asked, lifting the coffee pot in question.
"Uh, yeah. Please," Chuck answered, straightening on his stool.
"You're Chuck, right?" the man asked, setting the coffee pot back on the warmer before bringing the cup over to Chuck.
"Right. Right. Will, wasn't it? Thanks," he said as he took the offered mug, taking a much needed gulp.
"Yep. Will. Will Dunn," he stated as he extended a hand to Chuck. Chuck only spared a moment to examine his hand before accepting it, shaking it firmly. Will's handshake was firm, but not aggressively so, like those that felt like they had something to prove. Chuck let out a small chuckle but tried to hide it. Will eyed him quizzically, though not in a challenge.
"Sorry. It's just… Will Dunn. You know… like 'Here's to a job... Will Dunn' or 'How would you like your steak cooked? Will Dunn, please.' You get it? Cause your … name…" Chuck trailed off, realizing that Will had likely heard these all before. Still, Will gave an amused snort. "Sorry. Heard those before, huh?" His mouth full of cereal, Will just nodded. Exchanging his foot in his mouth for some cereal, Chuck opted to keep his mouth shut. The silence continued as the two enjoyed their breakfast.
"So… this… this show thing is pretty crazy, huh? I wonder what the plans are for today?" Will asked, digging his spoon into his bowl of cereal. Chuck hummed into his cup of coffee, taking a sip and setting it down.
"Yeah. Crazy. I can't imagine what today's outing might be. I don't have the body for a swimsuit shoot or anything, so…" Will snorted, almost choking on his cereal.
"Dude. You and me both," he chuckled, coughing. They settled back into a somewhat comfortable silence as they ate, both looking down at their respective bowls.
"So, I uh… I've seen how the other guys have treated you. It was pretty shitty. I… I should've said something, I know I should've. It's just…" Will trailed off, trying to find the right words.
"You'd make yourself a target too. I get it. It's alright. This is a competition, right? Survival of the fittest?" Chuck interjected, shrugging off the concerns of the other man.
"I know it's a competition but… that's dirty pool. It doesn't have to be like that. Clearly it didn't do them any favors since most of them got sent home. Looks like you'll get the last laugh," Will chuckled to himself, taking a drink of coffee.
"Well, I dunno about that. I have a suspicion my days are numbered," Chuck said in his self-deprecating tone.
"Dude, you're joking, right?" Will asked incredulously. "First, we all saw what you did for that jackass at the obstacle course. Second, I heard about you singing to the kids at the hospital. That shit is straight out of some romantic comedy or something. And if that wasn't enough, it sounds like you're on a first name basis with half the movie set from yesterday. Then, to top it off, I saw you two at dinner yesterday. She's into you man. Pure and simple. I mean, she's been nice to me too, I suppose, but… I dunno…" Will trailed off, shaking his head, in part amusement and part resignation.
"I think you're reading too much into things. I mean, look at me. Guy was right. I'm the token dork, or nerd in this case. Does anyone honestly believe that Sarah Walker would choose a guy like me over someone like … you? You're what? An… investment banker, right? You're a good looking guy, smart, successful, you like adventurous sports and you can stitch together a sentence without stumbling all over yourself. No… I'm just here to offer that contrast. To make you guys look good." Chuck stood, and walked to the sink to rinse out his bowl.
"What are you ladies squawking about? Making travel arrangements for your trip home tonight?" Stephen joked as he poured himself a cup of coffee. Both Chuck and Will glared at the man, not dignifying his comment with a response. "Aww. Cheer up girls. You'll be home in your own beds before you know it." Stephen cackled at his own joke, walking out of the kitchen with his cup of coffee.
"Ass-hat," Will grumbled, shaking his head in aggravation. Chuck had to chuckle at that one. He couldn't agree more. Stephen was a self-centered asshole, but he was good at putting on a sweet face when the cameras were around. Chuck thought he was in high end sales of some kind, like pharmaceuticals, which probably suited him well. Before either of them could speak, a voice interrupted.
"Morning, Chuck. Good morning, Will." Megan strolled into the kitchen, iPad in hand, scrolling through lists and notes. Chuck may have been mistaken, but there seemed to be a distinctly different tone between the way she greeted Will and the way she greeted him. He chalked it up to naivety in the ways of women and let it go.
"Mornin' Megan. Get you a cup of coffee? Will's buying." Chuck smirked, thumbing toward the coffee pot. Both Megan and Will chuckled at that, the two exchanging glances.
"No. I'm… I'm good. Thanks." Clearing her throat, she glanced between Will and Chuck, then averted her eyes to her iPad, swiping until she found what she was looking for. "You guys need to be out front in fifteen minutes. They're going to begin filming."
"Gotcha. Thanks," Chuck said, giving her a nod and a "cheers" with his coffee mug. She gave Chuck a smile and started to leave. He happened to catch her look back over her shoulder, but it didn't seem to be at him. Shrugging it off, Chuck put his dishes in the dishwasher and got ready for the day of fun to begin.
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The four remaining contestants stood in front of the house, and Chuck wondered if it might be for the last time. He knew that two of them would be cut at the end of the day, and he really hoped he wasn't one of them. He blew out a breath, shaking out his hands and rolling his head from side to side, trying to work out some of his nervous energy. When he heard the cue from the second assistant camera - a title he recalled from meeting Rachel yesterday - he straightened up and prepared himself.
Alex Forrest walked onto the set and approached the group. "Good morning. Congratulations to the four of you for having made it this far in the competition. I know things haven't been easy up to this point, so we thought we would slow things down a little bit today." All four men exchanged glances, uncertain as to what this change of pace might mean. "To discuss today's plans a little bit more, let's welcome out, Sarah." Alex stepped aside, making room for Sarah to take front and center.
"Morning, guys. I'll be honest, these past few days have been a whirlwind. In the beginning, I thought it would be difficult to choose between the contestants, especially with how little time I'd gotten to spend with each of them. However, far too many of the other contestants proved early on that they were either not serious about this competition or about me. And now, it's down to you four. You've all shown characteristics that I find appealing, which is why you're here now. My choices from this point forward are going to be much more difficult, so I wanted to get to know each of you a little better. Today, I'll spend a few hours with each of you to help me better understand you. I know it's not possible to learn everything about someone in that amount of time, but I believe it'll be enough to help me determine which of you will continue on." Sarah paused for a moment, looking at each of the men, including Chuck. When their eyes met, he could see a hesitance there just before she looked away to continue speaking.
"As much as it pains me, tonight, one of you will be sent home. While I'm not looking forward to that, I am looking forward to getting to know each of you a little better. So, to kick things off, the first contestant I'll be meeting with will be…" Sarah paused for a long moment, allowing the tension to build, "Jason." Jason gave a single clap of excitement, followed by a little fist pump. Chuck felt himself slump, more than a little disappointed that it wasn't him. He supposed he would have his turn soon enough. He just hoped that she hadn't made up her mind before she got to meet with him.
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Sarah had chosen to sit on the patio with Jason and talked at length about his aspirations, his likes and dislikes, even his peculiar obsession with shoes. Sarah thought she had a thing for shoes, but Jason took it to a whole new level that should be studied by psychologists. He seemed to be a decent guy, fairly intelligent, and nice enough. He was a chiropractor and very much into alternative and homeopathic medicines, which he went on at great length about. Sarah wasn't dismissive of his assertions, she'd visited chiropractors fairly regularly. She tried to live a healthy lifestyle, but much of what Jason preached was not really her cup of tea, so to speak.
Aside from a few differences of opinion, and the shoe thing, Jason seemed to be very free spirited, untethered. She wasn't sure how she felt about that. He had made the comment that, "Now that I'm getting close to thirty, I suppose I should start thinking about settling down." It sounded so … non-commital. It was like he didn't want to settle down, but that's what was expected of him, so he should think about it. That wasn't the 'both feet in' type of relationship she now knew she wanted.
Next up was Will, who she had coffee with at the kitchen island. He was smart, funny and full of passion. A very successful investment banker that liked to cut loose with extreme sports like rock climbing and whitewater rafting. They talked at length about the various extreme sports they'd done, sharing origin stories for the various scars they'd each accumulated. She enjoyed his company quite a bit, far more than she'd expected to. However, it all felt very … platonic. Like she was talking with a brother or an old friend. She supposed that, over time, she might feel something more, maybe. But after spending several hours together, there just wasn't that kind of spark there.
Now, after taking a short break, she was on her way to meet with Chuck on the back patio. She was a bundle of nerves, both excited to see him and scared to be near him. She had been saved by the bell at dinner last night, being interrupted before she had to respond to his confessions. Now she would have to spend the next few hours with him. She was sure that he would bring up that conversation. Would he push her to reveal her feelings? Did he already know what they were? He seemed a bit clueless at dinner, not really knowing what to make of it all. Maybe he was just trying to help her save face?
As she opened the French doors that led to the patio, she caught sight of Chuck and froze in place. He obviously hadn't heard or seen her yet because he was pacing, talking to himself. She felt a little guilty at not making her presence known, but she just wanted to watch him for a little bit, her curiosity getting the better of her.
As she watched, Sarah couldn't help but smile, some of her nervousness bleeding away as she realized he was rehearsing a conversation with her. He stopped and restarted the conversation several times, berating himself for saying something he thought she would find stupid or corny. Seeing how nervous he was oddly made her feel better. At least she knew it wasn't just her. As he ran his hands over his face and through his hair, clearly exasperated, she thought it might be a good time to intervene. Clearing her throat, she began to walk toward him.
"Hi, Chuck." Clearly startled, he jumped and twisted to face her all in one motion.
"H-Hi. Hi, Sarah. You're here. Of… of course you're here. You're supposed to be here… with me. Here." Closing his eyes, he let out a huff, clearly frustrated with himself. She hated that he was beating himself up like this, especially when she was likely just as nervous.
"Chuck…" Sarah started, waiting for him to look at her before continuing. He met her gaze with a bit of a wince. "It's OK, Chuck. There's no pressure. Let's just talk." He let out a one syllable chuckle.
"That's easy for you to say, you're Sarah Freaking Walker. If you haven't noticed, you're a pretty big deal."
"Not today, Chuck. Today I'm just … Sarah. I'm just a girl, standing in front of a guy-" Sarah stopped herself, realizing how that sounded. She ducked her head, feeling a warmth in her cheeks and ears. When she looked back up at Chuck, he looked like a deer in headlights. She swallowed the lump in her throat, before continuing. "What I mean is, just think of us as two regular people, spending some time together, getting to know one another a little better." Chuck blinked a few times, swallowing thickly before nodding his understanding.
"How… how about we take a walk? Is that OK?" Chuck asked, looking at Sarah with some apprehension. He quickly turned to the camera operator that was to his left and addressed him as well. "Is that OK, Bruce? Can… can we walk?" Bruce, the camera operator, gave him a thumbs up. Chuck turned back to Sarah, awaiting her response.
He knew the cameraman's name. Of course he did. He made friends wherever he went it seemed. Sarah chuckled to herself, feeling rather amused, and nodded. Immediately, his face lit up and it warmed her inside to see it. Without realizing it, she wrapped her arm around his and guided him into the backyard.
They walked for a few minutes without saying anything, just taking in the scenery. It was a beautiful, warm day and the backyard garden was teeming with wildlife. Sarah had forgotten all about the awkwardness, the nervousness that she'd felt earlier. Now, she felt at peace, content. It was then that Chuck tentatively broke the silence.
"So, uh… what sorts of things do you like to do to unwind. You know, after a long day of kicking ass and taking interviews?" Sarah snorted at the comment. As they continued down the path, it narrowed, forcing her to let go of his arm to proceed in a single file. She found it a little unsettling just how much she missed that contact. Pushing that aside, she focused on his question.
"I dunno. Some days I go for a walk on the beach. The sound of the waves is really soothing. On bad days, I soak in the tub with a glass of wine. How about you?" Sarah looked over her shoulder at Chuck, returning the smile he sent her.
"I'm not much for bathtubs. I'm kinda tall, so my legs stick out of the water." He chuckled at himself and Sarah joined in as well. "I like the beach though. I… I have a special spot I like to go to. It's kinda 'my spot' I guess. I go there to think and reflect on stuff, watching the waves. It's soothing, like you said. The vastness of the ocean helps me put things in perspective, you know. Like my problems aren't really that big, in the grand scheme of things."
"You go there a lot?" Sarah asked, peering back over her shoulder. Chuck was quiet for a moment, his expression turning reflective.
"Yeah. Yeah, I guess I do. I went there a lot as a kid. Then, after college, I found myself going there more and more. Whenever I felt… lost, or like the world was crashing down around my ears, it gave me some peace, if only for a little while." Chuck grew silent for a moment and Sarah was a little afraid to turn around.
Thanks to Ellie, she could understand the painful life events that coincided with those times in Chuck's life. The disappearance of his mother at a young age, followed by the loss of his father. Then the betrayal by his college girlfriend -that bitch Jill- that sent Chuck into a tailspin. Sarah could envision a young Chuck, feeling utterly devastated at the loss of his mother, sitting on a lonely stretch of beach, just staring at the ocean, trying to find some kind of comfort there. The thought nearly made her cry, wanting to wrap that little boy in a comforting hug, to let him know it would all be OK. A clearing of a throat behind her pulled her from her thoughts.
"Sorry. That got kinda heavy there for a minute, didn't it? Let's just say I go there a lot and leave it at that," he joked, trying to lighten the mood. "So bubble baths and wine, huh?" Sarah smiled at his attempt to shift the focus back on her. Many of the men she knew, especially most of the contestants on the show, took great delight in talking about themselves whenever they got the chance. But that wasn't Chuck. Now that she was put in the spotlight, she wasn't quite sure how to react.
"Hey. I don't recall saying it was a bubble bath. Is there something you're not telling me?" Sarah felt like teasing him, both to keep with the lighter conversation and because she liked the way he stammered when he got flustered. It was kind of adorable.
"I'm sorry. I have to envision a bubble bath. You know, with bubbles up to your chin, practically spilling out of the tub. Anything else and I… I just can't. That's … that's just too much," he declared, the distinct sound of him gulping afterward sent her into a giggle. What is happening to me? I don't giggle!
"Can we talk about something else? An-anything else? Please?" Chuck pleaded, a mixture of humor and mortification in his voice. Sarah's giggles intensified as they continued down the garden path. She turned around to face him walking backwards as she tried to sober. His nervous smile softened into something more… reverent, and the sight of it sobered her up quickly. As much as he had talked about her eyes at dinner last night, she found he was just as guilty. His honey brown eyes, his smile, the way his nose and the corners of his eyes wrinkled, they all told a story. At first she thought it was simply a case of a celebrity crush by a dreamy-eyed fan. She found that the more time she spent with him, the way he looked at her… there was more to it than that.
As she continued to walk backwards, she caught a look on his face, his eyes going wide. It was at that moment that she felt her heel catch on something, causing her to stagger back, losing her balance. With her arms flailing, she looked back at the ground and her impending fall. Much to her surprise, she felt a pair of strong hands grab her, one at her lower back, the other at her left elbow. She was suspended there for a moment, slow to react, before her head whipped around to look up at Chuck. His warm, almost electric, touch oddly sent a shiver through her.
"Are you alright?" He asked, holding her firmly, but gently, staring down at her with concern in his eyes. Blinking, she let out the breath she was holding. She nodded, not able to form an answer as she stared into his kind eyes. Slowly, Chuck pulled her back upright, releasing his hold on her once he was certain she had her footing. They both stood in the path for a long moment, the birdsongs the only sound.
Chuck cleared his throat and, blushing, averted his gaze to some nearby flowers. It was only then that Sarah realized that they had just been staring at each other, not saying a word. "So, uh… what sort of music do you listen to? Who are some of your favorite artists?" Chuck asked, bringing his gaze back to meet hers. The pathway widened and Sarah took the opportunity to turn around so she was walking beside him again, allowing her to collect her thoughts.
"I dunno. I mean, I listen to music but I've never been one to remember artists or song names really. I find a song I like the sound of and I make a playlist around it. I have a playlist for working out in the dojo or the gym, one for when I'm running… one for relaxing in the tub… with bubbles up to my chin," she added with a smirk, a teasing lilt in her voice. Chuck barked out a laugh, trailing off into a contented sigh.
"I… I get it. You don't have to be an audiophile to appreciate music. Knowing the name of some group or a song title doesn't make you enjoy the song any more or less. Although, it does help if you want to share it with someone. It's a little hard when you're like, 'I really love this song. It goes like bah, bah, bahbah, deet, deet. You know that one?' That could get a little confusing," Chuck rambled, his arms gesturing wildly to add emphasis. It was now Sarah's turn to burst into laughter. She even stumbled slightly, shoulder bumping him. The way he was so candid and unguarded, even self-deprecating, broke down whatever defensive walls she put up around herself. She really felt that she could be herself around him, that he would never judge her. It was liberating.
"I suppose you're right. I guess it's never come up before. Nobody's ever asked me about my interest in music or… much of anything else for that matter." Now she was making the conversation heavy. She was never one to share anything more than the superficial, but with Chuck, things just spilled out of her.
"What?! You can't be serious? How could anyone want to be with you and not want to learn everything they could about you?" Chuck asked incredulously, stopping in his tracks to look at her in bewilderment. Sarah took a few steps before she noticed he'd stopped. Turning around, she could see the shocked disbelief painted across his face. Chuck was definitely one of a kind. He was definitely someone that jumped into a relationship with both feet… She took in a ragged breath, the gravity of that realization making her shiver a bit. She gave Chuck a self-deprecating smile and a shrug.
"I don't know. Most of them never seemed that interested. Maybe there are things about me that aren't worth knowing." It sounded like she was feeling sorry for herself, and maybe she was a little, but that didn't make it feel any less truthful. Nobody had ever really wanted to know things about her, not her likes, dislikes or even a favorite…. anything. She'd never really thought about it before, but she realized that it was the truth, and that was rather sad. When she raised her gaze to meet Chuck's, she could see his jaw was clenched and his brow furrowed. She quickly averted her gaze, his serious expression bore into her and it was more than she could handle right now.
"Sarah… for… for the record, I think you're worth knowing." His sincerity was so powerful that she felt it, like a weight slamming into her. Thankfully for her, there was a bench nearby, so she sat down before her knees gave way.
"You think so, huh?" Sarah asked, still not meeting his gaze. She knew she was fishing, but she couldn't help herself. She found that she wanted to hear him say it, say what he felt.
"Oh, I know for a fact," he replied, taking a seat on the bench next to her. She could hear him take a breath, as if preparing to continue, but instead he remained silent. She could just make out Chuck slumping next her. Whatever he was going to say, he likely felt it too much, too forward. Still, she thought she knew what he was going to say, or perhaps what she wanted him to say. That there was somebody out there that wanted to know all about her. He likely wouldn't come out and say it, but just the thought lifted her spirits.
"Well, Chuck Bartowski, I think you're worth knowing too." It was so quiet in the garden at that moment, she could actually hear him swallow. It was loud enough that she suspected she could have heard it regardless.
She had planned to give Chuck some encouragement during their meeting today. Some sort of sign that things were not as he believed them to be. She couldn't come out and say what she really wanted, so she would have to find more subtle ways of getting her point across.
"Chuck, that reminds me of something I wanted to talk to you about." She straightened on the bench, attempting to bolster her courage. "Yesterday, your 'conversation' with Guy in the living room." She could see him tense.
"Oh. Right. You... you saw that," he replied nervously, his hands fidgeting in his lap.
"I did. There were a lot of things in that conversation that I didn't like, so I wanted to set the record straight. First, you're not a 'token' anything. You're a good person and you were chosen for this show because you deserved to be. There are no free passes here. You're still a contestant because I've chosen you to stay. It's that simple. And you've earned it. So I don't want to hear any more talk about you being some sort of plant or 'token nerd'. OK?" Sarah craned her head to look into his eyes, which were still focused on his hands. He gave her a small smile and nodded his understanding.
"OK. Got it."
"All those things that Guy said were complete crap. He was just threatened by you and was trying to psych you out. Especially with that whole 'leagues' nonsense. What's that even about?" Sarah asked, throwing her hands in the air. Chuck simply shrugged, not knowing what to say. "Well, it's BS. But If I had a league, Chuck, you'd be batting a thousand right now." Chuck's head snapped to look at her, his eyebrows nearly getting lost in his hairline. "If anything, people should be aspiring to be in your league, Chuck, not the other way around." Now Sarah found herself fidgeting with her hands in her lap. Maybe she was giving too much away, but she couldn't help it. She had been so angry with the way that Guy had spoken to Chuck, trying to make Chuck feel like he was worthless and unwanted. She just wanted to help Chuck see the truth.
"I… I don't know what to say... I'd like to argue the point with you, but I'm afraid you'd kick my butt." There was some humor in his tone, but she could tell that he was telling the truth. He didn't fully believe her, his self-doubt was still too strong to take things like that at face value. Sarah had come to understand that he used humor, often at his own expense, to mask his emotions. In the coming days, she would have to find ways to show him the truth.
"How about you tell me about your taste in music, instead. Who's your favorite band?" Sarah asked, bumping his shoulder with hers, hoping to lighten the mood.
"Wow. Where do I start? I suppose it depends on the genre," Chuck began, his face lighting up with excitement. She couldn't help but smile as she listened to him educate her on the enigma that was Chuck Bartowski.
A/N2: See! I told you there would be some Chuck and Sarah time. This won't be the last, of course, but it's a start.
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Joe