Chapter 21

I slept soundly and felt totally rested when I woke up. Opening my eyes, I was all too aware that I was in the bed alone, but it was the sound of running water that slowly infiltrated my senses. I smiled as I realized that Ranger was still here, just taking a shower, so decided to be prepared for when he emerged. I wrapped a robe around myself and was soon taking things down from cupboards and out of the fridge. The coffee machine was already working its magic, so I stood back to see if I'd missed anything.

"Looks good, Babe"

I jumped at hearing his voice so close behind me and accepted the kiss on my head as him apologizing for sneaking up on me. While he helped himself to the muesli, yoghurt and fruit I was keen to try out the pancakes that were heating up in the microwave and yes, I did add some fruit to my plate along with the maple syrup. It was just as I was about to sit down that my phone started to ring.

"Steph is that you?"

I recognized the voice straight away as belonging to Mary Lou but a look at the time had me worried as to why she was calling so early.

"Hi Lou. Everything okay?"

I didn't appreciate the short silence before she began to talk so I knew that something was wrong.

"I tried to call yesterday but I wasn't going to leave a message. Steph, it's Joe Morelli's funeral today so I wasn't sure if you knew"

"Oh"

Was my inelegant response, because I didn't know what else to say.

"Yeah. Apparently, he didn't want the whole charade with a viewing. The service is at the local church with a burial afterwards, 1 o'clock. I wasn't sure if you'd want to be there or not"

I had to think that one through and definitely wasn't ready to say what I would be doing.

"I don't know Lou. I need to think it through. Thanks for letting me know"

I finished the call and sat down, just looking ahead of me as I tried to work out the feelings assaulting me. I suppose a funeral had some finality to it but that Joe was actually dead hit me harder than I thought it would or should. Hell, we'd lived in the same neighborhood and grown up together. Yes, there were events that had happened that I hated him for. But we had a history and over the past few years we'd been close. Maybe it had taken me a long time to realize that we would never make a relationship work and maybe that hadn't been fair on Joe.

There was a part of me that said that I should go to his funeral, that I owed him that much.

"Babe, what did Mary Lou want?"

I snapped out from the internal debate that I was having because I'd been totally ignoring Ranger and my breakfast sat cold in front of me.

"It's Joe's funeral today. I feel that I should go, but"

Yeah, there was a very strong but. I didn't want to be there amongst his family when they would be so upset, because that guilt that I'd been carrying around that I was glad that he was no longer around was still there. His friends and probably a lot of police officers would be there which would have me wanting to scream at them what Joe had done to me, that he wasn't a good man.

"You don't have to go just because you feel obliged to"

I looked over to Ranger and could sense that he would support me with whatever decision I made. The whole thing was tearing me in half. In some ways I felt that I needed some closure, I don't know, maybe that final goodbye.

"There'll be too many people there and I'm not sure I can handle anyone saying anything to me. They'll expect me to be heartbroken, but I just can't be that, but I feel that I want to say that last goodbye. You know, draw a line behind me and try to move on from what happened"

I wasn't even sure if Ranger understood what I meant or how I felt.

"Then why not visit the graveside on your own, after everyone has left"

I considered that suggestion and what it would mean to me. By doing that I wouldn't have to face all those people or stand through the service and then listen to his family and friends. I wasn't sure how his family would treat me and however much I needed for them to understand what went down in Joe's house I could never defile Joe's memory like that. What Ranger had suggested did seem like the best solution to my dilemma.

"Yeah, that would be good to do"

That said I watched as Ranger picked up my plate of pancakes and placed them in the microwave to heat back up. It always amazed me how in synch Ranger was with me, that he always knew of a way to make something work.

I ate my breakfast, though not with the same enthusiasm as when I'd first set it up, then while Ranger cleared away, I went through to the bedroom to dress. I was going with a Rangeman uniform and would choose some other clothes from the closet to change into for visiting the cemetery later.

I'd thought that my day was planned out so that I would be kept busy, but as usual with me things didn't happen to plan. Meeting up with Ram turned into a practice session with my new gun and then him getting me to try out different holsters. I came away with two holsters for my new gun, a shoulder holster which would take some getting used to and one that clipped to the waist band of trousers. I actually preferred that one because I could decide exactly where it went that felt the most comfortable.

No sooner had I returned to my office than Bobby turned up. Seemed that he thought that we needed to continue our training before I forgot everything or started to lose the momentum that I'd achieved. Yeah, I know, even I had to roll my eyes at that one. Of course that meant having to change and shower upstairs in Ranger's apartment which ended up with me laid in my thinking position on the bed. Not a good thing to do because all that I could think about was the fact that Joe's funeral was happening and feeling ever so guilty for not being there.

I dressed in the trousers and sweater that I found in the closet, saying a silent thankyou to Ella who must have provided them for me. Then contacted a local florist and sought their advice on what would be an appropriate flower for me to symbolize the end of a relationship, surprised when the woman suggested a black rose, which of course she had in the store. I paid for the rose and delivery to Rangeman and then scoured Ranger's kitchen for something to eat.

Ella must have been very much in tune with me spending some of my time here because in the corner of one cupboard I actually found my favorites, a jar of peanut butter and a jar of olives. Okay, somehow they advertised that they were healthy, though I wasn't sure how they could ever be unhealthy. I conceded to using the brown bread, seeing as that was the only option, then settled on the couch with the TV on trying to distract myself.

"You ready Babe?"

I looked up to see Ranger squatted down in front of me, his hand resting gently on my cheek. I was momentarily confused with what he was talking about until I saw the black rose wrapped in plastic in his hand.

"Err. yeah. I'll just freshen up"

I felt embarrassed that I'd fallen asleep and Ranger had to wake me up. At least I was already dressed so just needed to visit the bathroom. I left my hair loose and only added some gloss to my lips because regardless of how I felt about Joe I couldn't guarantee that I wouldn't end up sobbing my eyes out. There was no point in wearing makeup, besides on principle I wouldn't wear makeup for Joe.

Ranger parked the SUV on the other side of the cemetery to where Joe's grave was. He'd arranged for a team to check out the burial site for any people who might be tempted to stay longer, but fortunately it seemed the place was deserted. I wasn't surprised because knowing the Burg etiquette for funerals everyone would be eating and drinking at the local hall. I recognized where I was straight away, the view of the hill with the trees stood on top like sentries keeping guard of those below. It was there that I'd stood with Ranger all those years ago at Mama Macaroni's funeral and for some stupid reason had cried my eyes out.

Not today, I swore, as we started to climb up the gentle hill toward the trees, I didn't think that I had any tears for Joe. As the wind picked up, I looked up to the sky to see the black clouds gathering. It was cold but not cold enough for snow which meant that we were likely to get rained on. Ranger's arm came around my waist as though to ward off the impending storm, or maybe to give me some courage for where I was heading for.

We stopped at the brow of the hill, looking down onto the organized rows of stones and mounds. It was an oppressive sight, and the dull grey of the scene did little to give me the desire to go any further. The stark impact of color told me where Joe was buried, the hues from the flowers spread out on the ground. In some ways I was pleased that so many people had shown their respect and love for the man and no doubt there would have been a large crowd of people here paying their respects earlier in the day. I took a deep breath wanting to get this visit over with, relieved that I wouldn't have the daunting feeling of people watching me.

Without a word I began the descent down the hill toward where the masses of flowers covered the ground. The only evidence that it was even a burial site seen only from the mound of flowers and the large arrangement propped up at the head of it. I wasn't sure what I was feeling, sadness for the loss of a man who I had been close to. Guilt for rejecting his love and need to be with me, along with relief and some anger for what he had done. As we approached the area Ranger stopped me and turned me to face him. His face was grim as though he understood the warring emotions coursing through me. A hand gently swept my hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear, a touch that I found consoling and calming.

"I'll be right here. Take all the time that you need"

I felt my hand being lifted and the black rose being pushed into my palm. As I made my way toward the gravesite, I considered its meaning. Sadness that our relationship had brought but also the end of something that was never to be. It also represented rebirth and a new beginning which was what I was desperate for, an era to put behind me and find some closure.

My hair was blowing wildly around my face, but I ignored it as I walked on my own to the side of the gravesite. I couldn't find the tears that I'd expected to come with being here, with saying my final goodbye. Looking from the rose in my hand my eyes swept around at the many flower arrangements, the leaves and petals fluttering in the wind. That was when I noticed that many held a photo of Joe, as a tribute to the man. Different images that showed him at his best, a good looking man with eyes that were soft and seemed to be looking right at me.

Images, images that had my heart rate increasing, images of Joe's face watching me wherever I looked. Surrounding me and reaching out to me. Words assaulted my mind until they became clear. The feel of hands on my skin that had me drawing in a breath as shivers skittered through me.

"Good girl. You have to tell me what I need to know"

Memories of his lips crushing down onto mine and hands sliding around my rib cage to grasp one of my breasts. Words that I knew weren't dreams but were memories, memories from when I'd been at Joe's house.

"You're so responsive Cupcake, even when you're asleep"

Oh God, what the hell was happening, why was I remembering this? I fell to my knees as absolute panic assuaged through me and images and words assaulted me. Faces, unseen, covered in black and hands that kept hurting me. Words that kept being repeated with every blow, tell me what I need to know. Words that I knew now were more than just dreams because they were the words that those men had asked me, just as Joe had used them.

I looked down at my hand and saw that the rose was now crushed so threw it away from me, the black petals dancing in the wind. Tears were pouring down my face now, but not for Joe, for me and what had been done to me. I was remembering everything that had happened to me after being taken from the bank and how scared I'd been. I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach because I was sure that Joe was a part of it. I felt hands on my shoulders as I was lifted to my feet and held in the warmth of a tight embrace.

"Shh. I know it's hard, but time will help"

I moved my head to look at Ranger and then started to shake my head back and forth. I didn't want Ranger to think that I was upset and inconsolable over Joe or that I had such strong feelings toward him. I wanted, no needed for him to know the truth.

"No. He's part of it, one of the voices in my dreams that haunts and frightens me"

Ranger tilted his head to one side as though he really didn't know what I was talking about.

"It was him, he, he was a part of it, his face and his voice. He's part of the reason"

I watched as Ranger took in what I'd said but I wasn't sure if he was understanding what I was trying to say. I know my words were confusing, but I couldn't bring myself to say that Joe had taken advantage of me. That I hadn't stopped him, why hadn't I stopped him?

"Babe, are you saying that he, that he took advantage of you and the situation?"

Even I was having a hard time trying to understand. I was so overcome with the emotion of remembering that everything seemed to be so confusing. I didn't answer Ranger because I couldn't. I needed to calm myself down and try to look at this rationally.

My head was tucked under Ranger's arm as he enveloped me into his body, a hand holding my head firmly to his chest. That we were walking away from that horrendous place surprised me, but that small amount of time had me trying to talk some sense to myself, even with the sobs racking through my body. Joe had manipulated the whole situation that came from me being injured after the bank robbery. A way to get control of me and what, get information from me? What was it that everyone was after? Joe really had been a selfish, egotistical bastard. In some ways I was sorry that he was dead because I would have liked to have confronted him with what he'd done to me and how he thought that he could justify it.

I suppose I now knew why I had been plagued with the nightmares, my brain had just refused to remember, but what had those men been after and what had been Joe's end game? I would never have agreed to marry him though I had to concede that he'd done a pretty good job of isolating me from anyone who mattered to me. Had it been some warped idea that he'd had in order to catch those men?

Could I move on from the experience? I didn't know. Would I always be haunted with those dreams or now knowing that Joe was partly responsible, would my subconscious allow them to stop terrorizing me? Then there was how I felt. I hated that I was wary of a man being close to me, that I felt spooked and had that underlying panic bubbling below the surface. Was I experiencing what a battered woman felt like, always afraid of being hurt again. I was almost sure that my injuries were from those men now, not from being thrown to the curb and what of Ranger? Would I ever feel comfortable with being intimate again, to trust someone to touch me? Want someone to touch me? I had no answers, but one thing was for sure, no way was I going to allow Joe to ruin my life. Somehow, I had to get that control back, whatever it took.

I was aware of the wind swirling around me and as I lifted my head of the feel of droplets of water. Great, just great. We were going to get soaking wet now. We were almost to the trees at the brow of the hill so I thought that maybe Ranger might stop there to shelter from the weather, just a short time, in case the rain was only temporary. He must have been aware of the change in my demeanor because his hold slackened allowing me to see better where we were going.

Did I hear anything? Not really but I felt it as I was suddenly rolled and landed on the ground. I'm sure that I screamed totally surprised with what was happening. I was on the ground totally surrounded by Ranger trying very hard to catch my breath and work out why he'd done that.

"Sniper. South east"

Hearing Ranger saying that had me stop my squirming. Had I heard right? Why would he say that? Had he seen or heard something that I'd totally missed. The minutes passed by so slowly with only the sound of the wind and the rain evident through the branches of the trees.

"Ranger, what happened?"

I eventually managed to whisper. I felt his hold relax around me, but he didn't let go, instead I was sat with my back against the trunk of a tree with Ranger knelt in front of me, his head moving constantly as he looked around. That was when I saw his face. I closed my eyes as I recognized the tension and that look that I'd only recently come to know. He looked murderous and I was pretty sure that in his mind he was in a totally different time and place. A look over his shoulder had my view totally blocked by black, Rangemen crouched down around us with their backs towards us, protecting us.

"Hey. It's okay. No one got hurt Ranger. Look at me"

I used my hand on his cheek stopping the motion of his head and forcing him to look at me.

"Beautiful. All's clear so we need to move"

I wasn't sure if Ranger had even heard Les so knew that it was probably going to be up to me to get us moving. At least I had his attention now and I was relieved to see that his eyes were focused on me, listening to me. The tension in his face changed as though he was really seeing me now. The darkness of the beast that had taken over was slowly backing down to be replaced by the fearless look that I recognized as the man now in charge of his emotions.

"Let's get out of here, please"

A slight nod of his head gave me the response that I was after, so we were soon on our feet, totally surrounded by the five Rangemen. I had no idea where they had materialized from but wasn't going to start complaining. As we approached the bottom of the hill, I spied two black SUVs parked up and was soon being pushed into the back seat with Ranger following me. As soon as the door closed the car sped off with a second car following us. I never really had time to consider what the hell had happened but could only assume that someone had taken a shot at us.

Once back at Rangeman the hold on me released. Ranger seemed to be back in control of his emotions because he was now giving orders to the men as we made our way to the stairs. Once on level five I was led by Ranger by the hand into one of the conference rooms and it wasn't long before the table was full of men, all of them looking extremely pissed off.

"Santos"

Came from Ranger as he stared at Les.

"The area around the gravesite was totally empty. No signs of anyone lingering there"

"Cal"

"A shot came from the south east. The grave wouldn't have been in sight so I can only assume that someone saw where you parked the car and assumed that you'd return using the same route. No evidence of any cartridges but there was some disturbance to the ground and bushes at 1000 meters out. By the time we found the place he was gone"

Well shit. Why the hell would someone take a shot at us? Were they waiting for me to turn up? Had this person been there all day? Then as I looked at Ranger another thought flashed through my head. Could they have been after Ranger?

"Ram. Thoughts on the shooter"

Okay, so maybe I'd missed what was said but I was totally focused on Ram wondering how on earth he could possibly know anything about the shooter.

"Sloppy. Any pro wouldn't have missed by the distance that he did. He was three feet high, so I assume that he hadn't taken proper account of the wind and rain. Maybe he's not proficient in dealing with our weather. The bullet was clean, no prints, but from my initial observation I'd say it was a .308 Winchester"

I had no idea what the significance was of that but from looking around the table at the frowns it obviously meant something to them.

"What? Why is that strange?"

I asked seeing as everyone else seemed to know.

"It's usually associated with older rifles"

As Ram gave me the answer, I still couldn't see why that was important, I mean as far as I was concerned a rifle was a rifle, a gun that could aim and shoot at targets at a distance.

"Saldré a la calle y preguntaré"

I heard before watching as Hector stood up and left the room. No one had said anything to him, and no one questioned where he was going, so I assumed that they knew what he was up to. I turned back to the meeting not sure what could be discussed now. Maybe I should have continued to tune out the discussion because I was pretty sure that I wasn't going to like what was coming up next.

"Tank, have someone on rota with Steph plus a shadow team. Les, talk to Steph and check on any of her FTAs, in case one of them is holding a grudge. Brown, reach out to the police and see if they're any closer to identifying who those bank robbers are"

That was when Ranger actually turned to me and acknowledged that I was even there. To be honest I was feeling a little annoyed with him for totally ignoring me, for never even discussing with me what would be happening now.

"Babe, I think it would be better if you stayed inside the building"

I opened my mouth but then closed it knowing that what I wanted to say wasn't appropriate. He was putting me under house arrest, controlling where I could go and damn it, I hated the idea of that happening especially after what Joe had done to me. I was so intent at staring at Ranger that I hadn't realized that the room had emptied. Cowards, because I was pretty sure that they knew how I felt about the things that Ranger had ordered and those men wouldn't want to be around when I eventually lost my temper.

"Babe, I know it seems a bit drastic, but someone tried to kill you tonight"

"They could have been aiming for you"

Was the first thing that came to my mind.

"How about you? Will you have someone with you and have a team shadowing you?"

I'd stood up as I spoke, well shouted really, and had walked to the end of the room and back again waiting for Ranger to reply to me.

"Yes. I always do. That was how the men were there so quickly tonight"

"Oh"

I don't know why but I couldn't let it go. I knew that he was right, and I knew that if I had someone with me then that meant that I could leave the building but for some reason I just had to keep pushing.

"So will you have to stay in this building as well?"

My hands went from my hips to wrap around myself when Ranger stood up and stepped toward me.

"Babe, you're cold and wet and have had a shitty day. Discovering what you did about Morelli and then us being shot at, you're upset. I won't be the brunt of that, I'm not someone who'll shout back at you or argue with you"

I looked up as he said that, confused with what he was saying. Okay, the whole thing at the cemetery was something that I would have to deal with, somehow, and yes being shot at was a surprise, but why would he say that he wasn't someone who would shout back or argue with me? Even as I thought about it, I knew what he meant. Shouting and arguing had always been my defense mechanism with Joe. When I felt that panic of being pushed into something that I didn't want then I'd pick a fight, especially if I was feeling trapped in our relationship. When I was annoyed about work or over something that had happened, I'd do the same and Joe was more than happy to give back just as good as I gave.

Was I trying to get Ranger to argue with me, to shout at me? I sank to my knees as the ramifications of what he'd said hit me but before the first sob escaped from my lips I was being held. Was I using the excuse of being locked up to vent all of the emotions that had built up? I was falling apart and couldn't help it, any control that I thought that I'd gained was slipping away again.