A/N: Sarah dropped a bombshell on Chuck, one that could mean an end to their vacation getaway. Could it also spell trouble for their budding relationship? Let's return to our scene already in progress to find out …
Disclaimer: Don't own Chuck.
Chapter 32
Chuck stood with his mouth agape, blinking in surprise. "Wow. That… that soon, huh? I was hoping we'd get more time together out here, but…" he trailed off, letting go of her arms as he stood to his full height.
"I know. I know," she huffed in disappointment, running a hand through her hair. Looking miserable, she held her hand to her forehead, staring at the ground as she thought. Sarah feared that her work would interfere with their relationship but she hadn't planned on it being so soon. Just when things were so perfect between them, what kind of message would it send to Chuck if at the first phone call she was ready to rush off and leave him. As much as she wanted this for her career, she wanted Chuck more. "This really sucks. I dunno. I can … I can just-"
"We'll pack up and leave in the morning," Chuck declared, interrupting her. "That should put us back in LA just after rush hour. You'll have plenty of time to get a good night's sleep in your own bed so you can wow them in your meetings." Chuck nodded his head, as if the matter was settled.
"Chuck, no! Your vacation. You shouldn't have to cut it short just because of me or my work," she protested, placing her hands on his chest as she looked up at him through her lashes.
"Sarah, it's our vacation. I don't want to be where you're not. You need to do this. It's important for your career."
"Chuck, I can't. I don't want you to think that I'm choosing my career over you...us. I love you and I don't want this to come between us."
"I love you too. But I know how much your career means to you. Being an actress isn't just what you are, it's who you are. I would never dream of coming between you and the things that you love." Seeing the protest coming, he placed his fingers gently on her lips. "I don't question your love for me. I may not understand it completely, but I believe you. I also believe in you. You don't have to choose between me and your career. You can have both. I'm here, for as long as you'll have me. I know it won't always be easy, but you're worth it. So please, do this. Show them who Sarah Walker really is."
Sarah stood speechless, searching his eyes for a long moment. She knew it would be hard, but she never expected it to feel this terrible. It was never an issue in any of her previous relationships. She felt no remorse or obligation to anyone when she had to leave for a photo shoot or go on location for a movie. But with Chuck, she hadn't even left yet and it felt like her heart was being ripped out of her chest. The time they'd spent together so far had been nothing short of magical and she never wanted it to end. Sure, it wasn't practical, but for the first time in her life she was in a truly fulfilling relationship and she was greedy for it now.
"God," she breathed out, shaking her head in exasperation but never breaking eye contact. "If we didn't have company, I'd take you right there on that dining room table," she growled with no small amount of lust in her voice.
Without missing a beat, Chuck raised his hand and uttered, "Check please!" Sarah couldn't contain her laughter, resting her forehead against his chest as her body shook.
"Good Lord," Casey groused from behind them. "Those two are insufferable. Do I need to leave? Cause I don't think there's enough brain bleach for me to un-see you two bumpin' uglies on the living room furniture. OW!" Casey rubbed his arm where Kathleen had summarily backhanded him for his comment.
"Ignore him," the older woman stated, rolling her eyes. "Everything OK? You looked kinda serious there for a minute," she inquired, genuine concern on her face.
"Good and bad," Sarah confessed with a huff. "It looks like some of the studios want to meet with me about some movie deals. Some exciting new opportunities. The problem is, they want to meet the day after tomorrow."
"Oh, Wow. I mean, that's great but it does kinda suck that you have to cut your vacation short. What are you gonna do?" Kathleen asked, hugging herself.
"I guess the only thing I can do is pack up and head back in the morning. I was really hoping to stay longer but, I guess I don't have much choice," Sarah sighed, her shoulders slumping as she pouted.
"Why don't you fly back?" Casey asked pointedly, taking a long draw from his drink.
"Fly back?" Sarah asked in confusion.
"Well, yeah. How do you think I got here? You can have one of those studio muckety mucks send a small jet to pick you up at the municipal airport in town and drop you at LAX. What would be ten hours or more of driving, you can fly in three, maybe three and a half. Then you can spend tomorrow scaring the wildlife, or whatever it is you two do up here," Casey grunted, chuckling to himself.
"That's a great idea, Sarah. It'll give us an extra day together. What d'you think?" Chuck asked with a hopeful smile.
"That would be nice, spending some more time with you, but what about this place and Devon's car?" Chuck pursed his lips, thinking over the situation.
"Well, you guys can fly out and I'll stay behind and clean up here, then drive Devon's car back to LA."
"What about once we're back in LA? Then what?" Sarah asked, a ting of fear in her voice. Chuck blew out a breath, shaking his head.
"I honestly don't know. The press'll be watching you like a hawk, and likely me too. I don't know how we'll be able to see each other beyond video calls," he conceded, looking and sounding dejected. Neither Sarah nor Chuck noticed Kathleen elbowing Casey, giving him silent instructions to do something. After a moment of their silent back and forth, Casey rolled his eyes and sighed in resignation.
"We can figure something out. Between my team and I, we can set up some rendezvous, I'm sure," Casey shared, looking at Kathleen for approval. She beamed up at him, wrapping her arm around his.
Sarah gasped in surprise, her face lighting up. "Casey, that would be amazing. I don't know how to thank you."
"Don't worry," Kathleen interjected. "I'll think of something." The salacious grin she gave Casey nearly made the large man blush.
"Well, on that note," Chuck interrupted, desperate to change the topic," who's up for Smores?"
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After the small bonfire in the firepit behind the house, and copious amounts of Smores, alcohol and laughs, the couples retired into the cabin. Given the late hour, and their level of impairment, Casey and Kathleen slept in one of the guest rooms. Chuck and Sarah retired to their bedroom, promptly falling asleep after quick showers to wash off the smell of the bonfire.
Chuck and Sarah woke, far earlier than they would have liked, to the smell of bacon and coffee. The deliciously haunting aroma was like a siren song, prompting both of them to get dressed and make their way downstairs. As they descended the large open staircase, they could see Casey and Kathleen in the kitchen. It was rather sweet, Kathleen cooking bacon in a large cast-iron skillet with Casey's arms wrapped around her waist. The older woman tried to stifle a giggle, tilting her head to the side where Casey's mouth was near her ear.
"Stooop," she chided playfully, patting him on his arm. "Go make some more toast before you get yourself into more trouble." The large man gave a growl as he kissed the top of her head. Before backing away to begin his task, a soft smack could be heard, causing Kathleen to jump with a gasp. "John Casey, you're gonna get it. Don't start something you can't finish," she warned with a suggestive glare, pointing her fork at him threateningly. The older man simply bounced his eyebrows and went about his task of making toast.
Chuck and Sarah shared an amused glance, both of them frozen in place as the scene unfolded. They felt guilty for not making their presence known, but they didn't want to spoil the moment for the other couple, who seemed to be making great headway in their rekindled relationship. Waiting for a moment longer, Sarah started down the stairs again, this time making her presence clearly known.
"Morning guys," she called out, feigning a yawn as she descended the stairs. Chuck followed close behind, trying to keep the grin off his face. Sarah was good; really good.
"Morning. I hope we didn't wake you," Kathleen replied, looking a bit sheepish.
"Oh, no," Chuck reassured her with a wave of his hand to dismiss her concerns. "These heavenly smells though… You guys didn't have to do all this. And by that, I mean I'm really glad you did, but I feel obligated to pretend otherwise." Everyone gave a chuckle, any awkwardness there may have been quickly diffused.
"Well, it's the least we could do, given the wonderful dinner last night and letting us have the guest room. There's coffee brewed and breakfast should be ready in a few. I hope bacon and eggs are OK?" Sarah stepped up to Kathleen, giving her shoulders a squeeze in thanks.
"It's perfect. Thank you," she said, giving the older woman an appreciative smile.
Chuck poured everyone coffee, doctoring Sarah's and his how they like it. Sarah helped to set the table while the others finished their tasks. As they sat down to their meal, the sun started peeking over the mountain, giving it a fiery outline. The four ate in companionable silence, admiring the majestic view through the wall of windows.
Sarah knew that she would never forget this place as long as she lived. It had made an indelible mark on her very soul. It had been the place where she and Chuck had consummated their relationship, but not just in the physical sense. They had grown so close, sharing an intimacy that she never knew possible. While the physical manifestation of their love for one another was otherworldly, the emotional and spiritual connection they shared defied description. All she knew was that the prospect of leaving him behind, this place behind, was like leaving a piece of herself.
She knew that the "honeymoon" period of their relationship would come to a close some day, but she was hoping it would last a little longer. While she had gotten to know so much about Chuck, she knew there was so much more to discover. Secretly, she hoped they had a lifetime together for her to explore the depths of one "Chuck Bartowski". It was a huge jump, thinking about "forevers", but she knew deep in her heart that she could search the world over and never find anyone more perfect for her than Chuck; nobody that would love her the way Chuck did. She knew it was too soon to bring up that topic with Chuck, but that didn't mean she couldn't dream about it.
After breakfast, all four of them made quick work of cleaning up the dishes before Casey and Kathleen took their leave. They'd solidified their plans for departing early the next morning. They would all meet at the municipal airport, where Chuck would see the three of them off. Once things at the cabin were cleaned up, Chuck would drive back down to LA with the remainder of their things.
Already feeling the sense of loss looming, Chuck and Sarah spent the remainder of their final day together in close physical contact. Whether in the bed, the bathtub or kitchen for refueling, they were inseparable. Both of them needed to be touching the other in some way, as if to tether or ground themselves; offering some small reassurance that the other was still there. Eventually, day turned into night, and the couple found themselves snuggled into one another in their large, comfy bed, the flickering of the television the only light.
"I'm gonna miss this so much. I don't think I'll be able to sleep without you spooned against me," Sarah admitted, pushing herself back further against him. Chuck pulled her in tight, kissing her just behind her ear. "It's so hard to believe. I used to think I hated this, cuddling that is, and maybe I did. I guess the truth of it is, I never felt comfortable being this… intimate with anyone before; so vulnerable. Now I can't bear the thought of being without it. That's crazy, isn't it?"
"No, it's not crazy. I think we both realize that what we've had in the past was the best we thought we'd ever have. I know that you've opened my eyes to a whole new world, like... like going from an old black and white TV to a 4k widescreen. I never imagined that life could make me feel this vibrant and alive. Now I'm greedy and can't imagine living without you," he chuckled softly, placing a few kisses along her neck, causing her to hum in contentment.
"I suppose you're right. I was thinking about what you said, about us living together," Sarah added, caressing the back of Chuck's hand that was resting on her stomach.
"Are you… having second thoughts?" he asked, failing to hide the disappointment in his voice.
'No! Haven't you been paying attention, you big nerd?" she teased, smacking him lightly on the hand. "Of course I still want to live with you. It's just… the timeline of things has changed and I don't know what we're going to do between now and when the finale airs. We can't stay at my place. People will be watching us like hawks. Well, at least me, but it sounds like you have quite the following now too. I know Casey said he'd come up with some ideas but I hate the idea of having to sneak around. It makes it seem like we're doing something wrong or … dirty."
Chuck made a salacious hum from behind her and she could practically feel his eyebrows bouncing, the way he always did. Letting out a "tsk" she smacked him on his thigh. "Ow. Hey, you know you were thinking the same thing. Clandestine meetings under the cover of darkness… it's kinda hot."
Sarah let out a huff, but she couldn't keep the smile off her face. "OK," she admitted. "It is kinda hot. But, dodging the paparazzi gets old pretty quick, so it'll lose it's 'hotness' sooner than later I'm sure."
"You've got a point. So, what did you have in mind?" he asked, as Sarah rolled over in his arms to face him.
"Well, we talked about getting a place of our own. I think we should make that happen. It can be a fresh start in a new place that's not mine or yours, but ours. We wouldn't be able to move in together until after everything is public, but I really like the idea. Tell me what you think, and please be honest," she pleaded, looking at him through her lashes.
"Hmmm. Honest. OK… I love the idea," Chuck admitted, shooting her a dazzling smile. Sarah jerked with excitement, kissing him soundly. "So, the logistics. I assume we'll have to wait until things are wrapped up to actually go out and look at places together, but we can at least do some online research. What kind of place were you thinking of? An apartment, a condo, a house or … perhaps some palatial estate befitting a woman of your status?" he teased, sticking his tongue between his teeth.
"Ha. Ha. I don't need anything huge. I think I'd like a ... house, with maybe a few bedrooms and a nice yard. This'll probably sound silly, but, in the neighborhood where I grew up, there was this house. It was so cute. It was light gray with white trim and a bright red door. The yard was always so nicely landscaped and had this little white picket fence around it; it was like something out of a catalog. It was a long time ago, so my memories of it are probably a little skewed, but I dreamed of living in that house. It's silly, isn't it?" she asked, looking rather meek.
Chuck brought his hand to her face, gently brushing the hair away from her cheek to see her better. "It is not silly," he assured her, his warm, amber eyes picking up the light from the television. "It sounds like a great place to live and rai-" Chuck swallowed the rest of that sentence, pulling his lips between his teeth.
"Raise a family?" she asked, her eyes sparkling as the corners of her eyes crinkled with her smile.
"I know, it's … it's too soon to talk about that stuff. I just got swept up in the moment and…" he trailed off, looking down and away from her. That's why he didn't catch the loving smile she was giving him that would have forewarned what was coming. Seemingly out of the blue, Sarah cupped Chuck's cheeks as she pressed her lips to his, quickly escalating into an open and passionate kiss. Just as quickly, Sarah rolled on top of him to straddle his hips, eliciting a hum of surprise from Chuck.
Pulling away briefly to look down at him, she gazed deep into his eyes. "I'm glad we're on the same page. And while I'm not ready to start a family quite yet, I think it warrants lots … and lots of practice." With salacious grins they dove into one another, their passion for each other taking over.
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Chuck saw Sarah off at the municipal airport, just outside of Mt. Shasta, where she joined Kathleen and Casey on the small private jet that had been chartered to fly the three of them back to LA. Sitting on the hood of the SUV, he watched the jet disappear into the southern sky until he couldn't make out the dot on the horizon any longer. With a sigh, and a heavy heart, he made his way back to the cabin to pack the rest of their things so he could hit the road.
Wandering the house to ensure nothing got left behind, the place felt so empty now that Sarah was gone. Each room had a special memory. Some made him smile, yet others made him blush, but they all made him miss her terribly. He knew he was acting like a love-sick teenager but he didn't really care. He'd spent far too much time in his life feeling lonely and unloved. Now that he had the love of an incredible woman he was going to allow himself to feel every bit of it.
Chuck called the local cleaning service that the Woodcombs contracted with and informed them that he would be leaving that morning and they could come in and clean and launder the bedding. There wasn't much to clean. Chuck being who he was, he had done a good job of cleaning up after themselves. Taking one last look, and a few pictures of the cabin and the incredible scenery, Chuck loaded up the SUV and began his long trek back to LA.
It was a short drive to get onto the 5, which would take him all the way home. With over six-hundred miles of road ahead of him, he loaded his "Road trip" playlist and set the cruise control. The evergreen-lined highway took him over mountains and through valleys of some of the most beautiful landscapes he'd ever seen. Chuck really wished he could share this with Sarah, but at least they had the memories of their time at the cabin together.
The long drive gave Chuck a lot of time to think; think about life, his work and, most of all, Sarah. He knew what her upcoming meetings would mean for her, for them. She would have to travel to movie set locations all around the world and be gone for weeks or months at a time, all the while he would be at home alone, sharing the occasional phone call or video chat with her. Deep down he knew that this would be part of the deal, the sacrifices of dating a movie star, but now that they were starting to become more concrete, they worried him all the more. Even though the thought of being away from each other for so long sounded like absolute torture, he didn't have much choice. Sarah's career was important to her. She'd worked so hard to get where she was and she deserved every opportunity she got. There was no way that he could ever stand in the way of her career. But, he couldn't help but wonder, once she was back in the swing of things, would there be time for "them".
The long hours on set in close proximity to her costars would likely be torture for Sarah as well. If history was any sort of teacher, there was a pattern of Sarah falling into relationships with her co-stars. It made perfect sense and he certainly couldn't fault her. Not only were these men objectively handsome, but she'd had to spend so much time with them, pretending to be a couple on screen, it would seem natural to begin to develop those feelings off screen as well. When you're stuck on a movie set together for months and they're the only people you see, you'd get lonely. He recalled Sarah referring to them as "relationships of convenience". Chuck knew that Sarah believed that she loved him and he knew she would be faithful, but was it fair to her? If he couldn't be with her, was it fair to expect her to just be alone?
Chuck tried to shake those demons out of his head. He still struggled with issues of insecurity, despite the strength of his relationship with Sarah. He needed to break free of that self-doubt and stop questioning things, but after a lifetime of being treated a certain way, you eventually tend to view yourself in that light. In the quiet times, like now, when he was alone with his thoughts, was when it was at its worst. Sarah was doing her best to break that cycle and he loved her for it. But life was much different for Sarah Walker, so he didn't think she truly understood. She could have anyone she wanted and, in fact, had already dated some of the most handsome bachelors in Hollywood. She was constantly subjected to rich, handsome men throwing themselves at her, many of whom she had far more in common with than she did with Chuck. But for Chuck, he had no such temptations. Sure, he lived in LA and there were beautiful women everywhere he went. The difference was, none of them had the slightest interest in him, so there was no temptation to act on. Even if there was an off chance of some woman showing interest in him, there was only one Sarah Walker, and they would never be able to hold a candle to her.
Recognizing that his mind was spiraling into the darkness of fear and self-doubt, he needed a voice of reason to bring him back to the light. Pausing the music, he pulled up the contact on his phone and dialed the number. The ringing tone came over the car speakers as he waited for an answer.
"Hey, Chuck!" His sister's cheerful voice filled the car and already he began to feel uplifted.
"Hey El. How's it goin'?" he asked, trying to match her enthusiasm.
"Things are goooood. What about you? How's the cabin? You know what? Don't tell me. I'm already jealous and it would just make it worse," she admitted with a chuckle.
"Yeah, well. Actually, I left the cabin about two hours ago," he confessed, wincing as he waited for Ellie to explode with questions. He was not disappointed.
"You what? You're leaving already? But I thought you were supposed to lay low there for a while longer. You know, until the finale aired. Whoawhoawhoa, wait. You? You said you. Chuck, is Sarah not with you?" she questioned, her tone bordering on accusatory.
"No. No she's not." Hearing his sister taking a breath in preparation for her next salvo of questions, Chuck rushed ahead to cut her off. "But, it's not bad. Not… not really. See, because of the show, she's gotten lots of offers from various studio big wigs for new movie roles. They wanted to meet with her right away, so she flew ahead to LA this morning and I'm driving back in your car with our stuff." There was silence for a moment and Chuck had to check the call status to make sure he hadn't dropped her.
"But you're ok? You two, you're still good?" she asked, hesitantly.
"Yeah, El. We're great. Really. It's… it's great." He cursed himself for not stopping with the first "great", because Ellie knew him too well. She was going to smell blood in the water and she wouldn't let it go.
"Alright. Spill. What's really going on?" Her tone made no room for argument and he knew better than to play dumb with his sister. Chuck sighed before answering.
"Things really are great between us, El. Truthfully. I love her and she loves me. The time we've spent at the cabin really has been the best time of my life."
"But now you have to go back to civilization, to real life, where you're not living in your perfect little bubble anymore," she answered for him, hitting the nail right on the head.
"Yeah. I… I knew this was coming, but I guess I wasn't as prepared for it as I thought. Just being away from her this short amount of time is killing me. I know it's probably a little unhealthy, but I feel like I've finally found what I've been searching for and I'm scared to let her go," he confessed, huffing in exasperation as he ran a hand through his hair.
"Unhealthy? Meh, I dunno about that. Your relationship is new, and just like a kid with a new toy, you want to play with it as much as possible." Hearing Chuck's snort, his sister let out a chuckle in amusement. "OK, maybe that wasn't the best analogy, although I'm sure there's been plenty of that too." She ignored Chuck's groan and continued on with her point. "It's perfectly natural to want to spend all your time with someone you really care about," Ellie reassured him, sounding very clinical, as if he were one of her patients.
"I love her El. More than anything. And I know she loves me too."
"And I'm so incredibly happy for you, but I can hear a giant 'but' in there somewhere. Out with it. What's swirling around in that big head of yours?" she questioned, sounding a bit frustrated.
"I don't know. I just got caught up inside my own head and all these old insecurities started rearing their ugly heads again," he confessed, the dejection he was feeling seeping into his tone.
Ellie hummed her acknowledgement before continuing. "OK. Like what? Give me specifics."
"Well, soon, she's going to be whisked away to some far-off movie set, maybe for months at a time..."
"Annnnnd… you don't trust her? You think that one of those gorgeous, muscular, hunky leading men is going to sweep her off her feet? "
"That is not helping…" he drawled, sighing in frustration.
"So, then, you don't trust her. You think that what she feels for you is fleeting and that once she's presented with something that, by your estimations, is better, she'll jump at the chance to be with them." Chuck was silent for a long moment, mulling over his own thoughts he'd just heard echoed back at him. He felt ashamed to admit his fears because it did sound as though he didn't trust her.
"I trust that Sarah would never cheat on me. That isn't who she is. I guess… I guess my fear is that I'd be holding her back. She could find someone that could make her happier, that would look more like… well, not me, and would have more in common with her. I know what, or rather who, she's going to be surrounded by all the time and I guess I'm afraid she will see what she's missing. I don't want to hold her back but at the same time the thought of losing her kills me. "
"Well, what about you? While she's away, who's to say you won't be tempted for all the same reasons?" she questioned, and Chuck could practically hear her eyebrow raise.
"Oh, get serious! For one, it's no secret that I've never been a magnet for women of any sort. Two, there is nobody on the planet that would compare to Sarah. She's so smart and funny, she's passionate about what she believes in, not to mention generous and caring."
"And did you notice that not once did you mention how beautiful she is or how she looks in a bikini? Hmmm?" Ellie challenged.
"I mean, she is absolutely gorgeous, but that isn't why I love her; it's just a nice perk," he admitted, giving a shrug that he belatedly realized his sister couldn't see.
"So, what makes you think that she believes any differently? Sarah's had her choice of pretty much any man she could possibly want. Movie stars, sports figures, socialites, and out of all of those, she chose you. She. Chose. You. She fell in love with Chuck Bartowski; not any of those guys. Now, you're my brother, but objectively, you are a damn good-looking man. Your workouts with Devon and that new look you're sporting don't hurt either. But, the things you just listed about Sarah, those things that attracted you to her, are probably the very same reasons that she's attracted to you. Your looks are just a … 'perk'. So, ask yourself this, if you were in her shoes, surrounded by these superficially, beautiful people, would you be tempted by them? Would you, for a second, believe that they could make you happier than you are with Sarah?"
"No!" he exclaimed, affronted that she could possibly suggest such a thing. Ellie gave a single note chuckle, pleased with herself at the point she'd made.
"I think what you're feeling is guilt," she declared.
"Guilt? Guilt about what?" he asked, perplexed.
"You feel guilty because you don't think you deserve her. That all the hurtful bullshit that people have tried to convince you about for most of your life is true. Well, I've told you a thousand times, and I'll tell you again, you... are... worthy. You are worthy of being happy and successful in life and you are worthy of that woman, if anyone ever was. And I'm convinced that she's just as worthy of you." Chuck was speechless, as a tear streaked down his cheek. Perhaps that was the crux of all these fears; that he wasn't worthy of 'the' Sarah Walker. He knew that on a more superficial level, he'd been questioning that from the beginning. Maybe it had a firmer hold on him that he realized.
"You're right. Of course, you're right. I… I think that Sarah's been trying to tell me this and I… I heard her, but … I wasn't really listening. At least I don't think I took it to heart as much as I should have. I've always thought that in a relationship, one person is always going to love the other one more, meaning someone would get the short end of the stick. I resigned myself to the fact that I was always going to be on the losing end. That I would have to go above and beyond to show them that I was worthy. I know I did that with Jill and it wasn't enough; I wasn't enough, or so I thought. With Sarah, the stakes are so much higher now. I love her so much and I'm terrified that now that the 'honeymoon' period is over, and we're going to be separated for long periods, that … I dunno… that she'll forget or… or that she'll realize that she was caught up in the moment and see the error of her ways."
"Chuck, I'm glad that you called me to talk this out, that you know you can still come to me when you need someone to lean on, but… I think this is a talk that you need to have with Sarah. She needs to understand where you're coming from and then she can give you her honest answers to all of that. If you aren't completely honest with each other, even if you think it might hurt the other person, then you're dooming yourselves to further hurt, resentment and misery down the road. I know it sucks to talk about this stuff, but promise me you'll talk to her about it," Ellie pleaded, hoping that her brother would listen to reason.
"Alright. I… I promise. As soon as I can." He knew Ellie was right, he needed to be open with Sarah about this. This was not Sarah's fault, so he had to be careful about how he approached it. These were his hang ups that he needed to overcome and were not a result of anything she had or hadn't done or said.
"And maybe… just maybe, it wouldn't hurt to talk with a professional too. A counselor might help you come to terms with these things and develop coping mechanisms. And before you say anything, I know. I know you hate doctors, but just promise me you'll think about it at least, and not just dismiss me like you always do," she concluded with a teasing lilt to her voice.
"I don't dismiss you… all the time," he retorted, chuckling. "I promise I'll keep it under advisement. Thanks El. I really needed to hear all that."
"You're welcome. Any time. You're my brother. It's my job to tell you what to do and point out when you're being an idiot." Ellie burst into laughter at her brother's huff of protest, causing him to give in and start laughing as well.
"Oops. I'm sorry Chuck, but I have a call coming in from work that I need to take. You OK?" she asked, sounding genuinely apologetic.
"No, hey. Go do your doctor thing. I'll be fine. Promise. I'll be by around eight or nine tonight to swap cars. I'll see ya then."
"Thanks, Chuck. Love ya."
"Love you too."
With that, Chuck was once again alone with his thoughts, but at least the demons had quieted and he was feeling better about things. He just needed to talk to Sarah. She was likely in flight, so he thought he'd leave her a message for when she had time.
"Serenity, text Sarah." With a chime, his phone replied.
"Texting Sarah. What would you like to say?"
"Call me when you can. We need to talk."
"OK. Got it. Would you like me to send the message?"
"Yes."
"Message sent," the female voice confirmed.
"Thank you. Serenity, play music." The playlist picked up where it left off and Chuck continued on his trip.
As before, his mind began to wander, but this time to his own future endeavors. Chuck had his own business to think about too. He'd built a company that was gaining respect and notoriety in certain circles of the industry and had made him very wealthy. The money wasn't a driving force for him, but he appreciated that it provided him with a nice cushion. He no longer needed to worry if a project would bring in enough money to cover costs or if he could afford the next month's rent. Revenue from his new game, and royalties from his other software, put his company solidly in the black. The larger question was what to do now? Did he continue to push himself to develop more cutting-edge games or software to stay ahead of the competition, or did he invest himself in projects that he felt more connected to.
He had to think about Morgan, and now Alex, too. Whatever direction he decided to go in with his company, he wanted to make them feel like they were part of the decision as well; that they had a voice in the company. He'd trusted them with the company in his absence, leaving them to their own devices for nearly a month and they'd fared well without him. Perhaps it was time to expand and give Morgan a larger role.
Chuck's stomach growled, reminding him that it was past lunchtime. He was entering Sacramento, so there were plenty of choices for food. He pulled off at what looked like a promising exit for gas and some food.
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Sarah spent the entire flight reading over scripts that Diane had sent her. However, she found her attention often drifted to thoughts of Chuck, wondering what he was doing, what he was thinking or if he was okay. She never missed anyone or anything more than she missed that man and she had to chuckle at herself. She knew she was so far gone for Chuck and she wasn't apologetic about it one bit.
When she was able to focus on her reading, she barely got more than a few pages into a couple of the scripts before she realized that they weren't a good fit; at least not for where she saw herself in the future. Skimming over a few others, she was more optimistic. One of them was not far off from the things she'd been doing, but this had a farcical twist, venturing into comedy. She wasn't certain that she'd be well suited for a comedy, but it was at least something different to challenge her.
Two others were far more intriguing. The first was a romantic comedy about an up and coming advertising executive that didn't feel she had time or need for a relationship, but believed that she was getting passed over for promotions and excluded from certain company functions because they were more "couples oriented". The woman "hires" a man she meets at a coffee shop to pretend to be her significant other, with the understanding that it was purely for business purposes. He is so convincing in his role that she begins to believe it herself and falls for him. Sarah thought that it sounded interesting and might be fun, taking her out of her comfort zone at least.
The second was a period piece in which the female lead fights to make her own way in the western frontier, battling against hardship and adversity in the male dominated society to carve out a future for her and her family. It was gritty and she felt a certain kinship to the woman, having to prove herself in Hollywood, especially in the male dominated action/adventure movie genre she'd been working within.
There were still more scripts to look over, but as the plane touched down, she gathered her belongings. Stepping off the plane and onto the tarmac with Kathleen and Casey, two large, black SUVs were waiting for them. Casey loaded his and Kathleen's things into one, while the few things that Sarah brought with her went in the other. Sarah watched as Casey helped Kathleen into the SUV, saying his goodbyes and giving her a kiss. Sarah didn't think she'd ever get used to seeing Casey as a caring, loving boyfriend, or whatever he was to Kathleen now. Still, she was glad she got to see that side of him during their trip.
Casey smacked the side of the SUV, signaling the driver to leave. He watched the vehicle for a few moments before turning to join Sarah. "You ready, Walker?" he asked, his gruff persona firmly back in play. Sarah didn't try to hide her smirk, shaking her head at the large man. After escorting her to her SUV and making sure she was secure in the back, Casey climbed into the passenger seat and they were off.
Sarah belated realized that she hadn't turned her phone back on from their flight, so she pulled it from her back pocket and powered it on. She had several notifications, mostly from Diane, but the one from Chuck grabbed her attention. With a broad smile she began reading his text.
"Call me when you can. We need to talk."
Immediately a knot formed in her stomach. He'd sent that message over an hour ago. Needing to talk was rarely a good sign, so she couldn't help but freak out a little bit. Pressing the call button, she lifted the phone to her ear, quietly wishing for the phone to hurry the hell up.
"Hey babe," was his cheerful answer, setting her at ease slightly. "I take it your flight got in OK?"
"Yeah. We just landed a few minutes ago. I'm sorry. I just now got your message," she admitted apologetically.
"Oh, no. It's OK. I didn't figure you'd get it until you landed," he reassured her, not sounding the least bit upset.
"Well, you said we needed to talk and that sounded… pretty serious. Is there … um..." Sarah trailed off, uncertain how to ask what she was fearing.
"Oh, God! No! No. God, I'm such an idiot. No, nothing like that at all," he rushed out, stumbling over himself. Sarah blew out a breath, slumping back in her seat, her head bouncing off the headrest.
"It's alright. I was just worried for a minute. So, everything's OK?" she asked hesitantly, worrying her lip between her teeth.
"I'm so sorry. Yeah. Everything's… OK, that's not true. Everything's not fine. I miss you like crazy," he confessed, the sadness seeping into his voice.
"Awww. I miss you too. I was trying to read scripts on the flight down but my mind kept drifting back to you," she admitted, chuckling at herself.
"I'm glad I'm not alone in that. But, along with missing you, my mind got to wandering, like it does, and… well let's just say that it took a turn down a dark alley." Sarah was silent, not sure what he meant by that but the sound of it concerned her. Chuck blew out a long breath, as he mustered up the courage to continue.
"I should probably save this for another time. You're on your way to some important meetings and -"
"Chuck, if you don't tell me now, I'm going to be worrying about it the whole time. Please, just tell me what's wrong," she pleaded, certain she'd go insane if she had to wait to hear his explanation.
"Ok. I'm sorry. I just… my head got into a bad place and all those insecurities that I've battled with my whole life came creeping in. I … I even called Ellie and she talked me through it, but she said I needed to talk to you about it; to not keep it from you."
"Well, she's right. If something's bothering you, please tell me."
"That's why I wanted you to call, so I could tell you, before I lost my nerve. See… I was thinking about what comes next. For you, I mean. You'll… you'll get parts in these great movies and they'll whisk you away to some far-off locale for shooting for… I don't know how long. I…" he trailed off. Sarah could hear the strain in his voice and knew that he was struggling.
"Chuck, it's OK. Just say what you're feeling." Sarah's fear was growing by the second. Had he realized that this wasn't something he could deal with?
"I… I worried that with being there, away from me for so long, that you might begin to … to forget. Or-or maybe you'd come to the realization that you'd just gotten caught up in the moment with me and that being apart made you see things more clearly. I mean, you'd be surrounded by all these beautiful people and you'd have so much more in common with them. I trust that you would never be unfaithful or anything like that, but I was afraid that I'd be holding you back from something that would make you happier. "
"Oh, Chuck. I'm-"
"No. Don't… don't say anything. Please. Let me just get this out," he pleaded. "This has nothing to do with you. You've never said anything or done anything to lead me to think like this. Believe me. This is all in my head. Ellie made me take a hard look at some things and she got me to realize that I was feeling guilty."
"Guilty. Guilty about what?" Sarah asked in confusion. She was trying to process what she was hearing. At first, she was petrified that she'd done or said something to spark these thoughts in Chuck. She was only partly relieved to know that she hadn't, but he still felt that way and she didn't know what she could do to convince him otherwise. Now, he was feeling guilty about something and she was equally as fearful of what that might be.
"That's the same thing I said when Ellie dropped that bomb on me. I've had these … insecurities for a long time; believing that I could never be good enough. I've struggled with these and you've been truly amazing at helping me to get past them. Please believe that. But, I think that some part of me feels guilty for being with you because I don't believe I'm worthy or capable of truly making you happy. And while you keep trying to tell me otherwise, there's that little voice that keeps telling me that I'll never be good enough for "the" Sarah Walker," he choked out, trying to maintain his composure.
Sarah's heart was breaking. She couldn't help but feel some responsibility, like she'd fallen short of showing him how much he meant to her. Sarah wanted nothing more than to hold him and tell him that it would be OK, but he was hundreds of miles away.
"I love you, Sarah. I don't want anything to come between us, so I felt like I had to share this with you," he confided, remorse coloring his tone. "Thankfully, Ellie helped me put some things in perspective, so I'm in a much better place. You've shown me nothing but love and support, so I just need to listen to you, really listen, instead of my insecurities."
"Well, I'm glad that you told me. Chuck, if you ever get to feeling like this again, please tell me and we can work through it together. You know, if it makes you feel any better, I have insecurities too. I worry that I'm not doing enough to show my true feelings. I got so used to hiding them that I'm afraid I don't show them when I should."
"Sarah, I can say definitively that having been with you, in every sense of the term, you have not held back with me. Even when you don't say it, I can see it in your eyes and in your smile. Whenever I'm around you I just feel… loved. Maybe being away from that sent me into withdrawal and that's why I started to spiral," he chuckled.
"You know, if I do have to go away for filming, you could always come with me, if you can take some time off." Sarah suggested, sounding a bit apprehensive.
"I'm sorry, what? I… I can come with you?"
"Duh. Of course. I mean, not every actor on a film has that luxury, but being the lead has its advantages. Some bring their kids and I've seen some bring their spouses too, or they bring 'friends' they don't want their spouses to know about," Sarah whispered loudly, earning a hearty laugh from Chuck.
"But, Sarah, we're not married," Chuck pointed out, sounding concerned.
"Well, until I make an honest man out of you, we'll just have to chance it," she teased, at least she hoped he took it as such. There was a very long silence and Sarah had to check her phone to make sure he hadn't hung up.
"Chuck?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm-I'm here. I just uh…I thought I saw Sasquatch thumbing a ride. Weird, huh?" he asked, his voice cracking a bit. Clearing his throat, he continued. "Anyway... You uh...you'd really want me to go with you? I mean, wouldn't that interfere with your... 'process' or whatever it is you do to prepare for your role? I wouldn't want to distract you from your work or anything."
Sarah couldn't help but chuckle at his thoughtfulness. "Chuck, that's exactly why I'd want you there. After being on set all day, I'll need a distraction. More specifically, I'll need your kind of distraction," she hinted with a salacious tone. She could swear she heard him swallow over the phone, making her giggle. "Plus, without you there I'd be lonely and miserable and, I hope, you'd be lonely and miserable without me too. Well, not that I want you to be, just that-"
"Oh, I'd definitely be miserable without you. I already am," he interrupted. "I really do miss you. Do you think… would there be any way I could see you today? I know it's risky and you've got tons of stuff going on but… I miss kissing you."
Sarah's heart melted, evidenced by the whining moan that escaped her throat. "God, you're killing me right now. I miss you too, and so do my lips," she mused, letting out a one note chuckle. "I'll talk to Casey and see if he can come up with something. I'll call you. OK?"
"Alright. But if not, I understand."
"I'll call you, regardless. And as much as I hate to say it, I have to let you go. We're almost at my meeting and I need to call Diane back to talk strategy before we get in the room. I love you. You know that, right?" Sarah asked, her voice full of hope.
"I do know that. I love you too. Bunches," he proclaimed playfully.
"Bunches? Did you just seriously say 'bunches'?" she questioned, giggling at his comment.
"Yeah. I said bunches. You wanna make something of it?" he challenged, in a barely passable Brooklyn accent, made worse by his failed attempts at holding back his own laughter.
"No. No. I like it. I love you bunches too, goofball. I'll call you later. Bye."
"Bye, Sarah." She blew Chuck a kiss before disconnecting, then sank back into her seat, staring at the ceiling of the SUV. Chuckling to herself, Sarah sighed, marveling at how unbelievably contented and happy she was now that she'd found Chuck. She was thankful that whatever insecurities he had been battling, he was willing to talk about them with her and wouldn't let it come between them. Her spirits buoyed, she knew today was going to be a good day. It was the start to a new chapter in Sarah's life and she got to start it with the man she loved.
A/N2: So, the honeymoon is over and real life has caught up with them. With the show's finale a few weeks away and Sarah's career opportunities growing by the day, how will their relationship hold up under the pressure?
Where I'm from, today was a day of celebration for all those things we are thankful for. I'm thankful to have my immediate family with me, even though my whole family couldn't be together in person. I'm thankful for friends who are there with words of encouragement or a listening ear when I need it most. And I'm thankful for elastic waistbands, which come in handy during our government sanctioned day of gluttony. I'm also very thankful for all of you. Thank you for reading and taking the time to leave a review or send a PM. It means a lot that you take those extra few minutes out of your day to make your thoughts known. I really do enjoy hearing your opinions, so thank you.
As more holidays approach, please be safe and stay well. Until next time.
Joe W.