Chapter 29

Deja vue is a weird feeling and I seemed to have had this image in my head so many times before that I was terrified of exactly where I was. Was I on that dirty, smelling mattress in that basement room? In Joe's bed at his house or even laid down in the infirmary at Rangeman after running away from Joe? My head hurt as it had done all those times before and my arm hurt. That was when I was terrified that I was back in Joe's house because those were there when I woke up in his bed.

A touch had me cringing away from it as memories of those men hitting me and Joe touching me swept through me. Had I been dreaming all of this time? Was my escape and finding Ranger all an illusion?

"Babe, please. You have to wake up. You're safe now"

I stilled and listened again trying to heighten my senses, sure that the words were my imagination but then I smelt it. That unmistakable scent that I only ever associated with Ranger. Was he really here with me? Eyes, I needed to open my eyes and be brave enough to look around me, regardless of what was there. So with supreme effort that was what I did, only what I saw was a total surprise and the wet cold touch on my cheek certainly wasn't what I expected.

"He won't leave your side, and neither will I"

I turned onto my back seeing Ranger looking down at me and then back to my side to see the black and brown coat of a dog. My hand automatically settled on his head, just to make sure that he was really there.

"I'm so sorry Babe. I thought that you'd be safe here. No one except Santos knew about this house"

I turned back to Ranger not sure if he knew what had happened. I'd obviously managed to knock myself out when I'd landed at the bottom of the stairs so had Juan just left me there and disappeared. Had Juan decided that I was never going to agree to go with him?

"I, I was upstairs"

I couldn't say anymore for the tears that came streaming from my eyes. Everything that Juan had told me and the doubts that I was carrying were all that I could think of.

"Did Juan hurt you?"

I shook my head to start with and then ended up nodding it because the pain from falling wasn't really his fault, I was sure that he never intended to hurt me physically. His words had hurt me though, more than I wanted to admit.

"He told me"

I couldn't even finish the sentence for the intense pain that seemed to tighten in my chest. I had to hold it together before I totally fell apart. I had to leave myself with some dignity, so I squeezed my eyes shut to somehow stop the tears from forming and falling. I felt the sheet being lifted and movement as Ranger slid under the cover and pulled me to his side. This was so not where I wanted to be if I was to have that conversation with him.

"Tell me what he said"

Like that was easy to do. No, I'd give Ranger a way out without any confrontations and maybe it wouldn't totally destroy any friendship that we might have had.

"I understand, I do honestly. He was right I suppose, and I know how stupid I've been"

Ranger moved my head so that his arm was underneath me and used his other hand to sweep down the side of my head.

"You need to tell me what he said because you're not making any sense. You're many things Babe, but never stupid"

I closed my eyes and tried to prepare myself for what I needed to say. I had to stay detached from my emotions or I'd end up either breaking down unable to get back up or lose my temper and end up saying things that I'd regret and never be able to take back.

"I understand what we have, that we're just friends. That you have a life plan and need to follow that"

I thought that I was being quite mature with what I'd said and that it conveyed more than just the words, so when I felt my chin being lifted, I wasn't sure what to expect. I braced myself for his agreement, for a repeat of how his life was complicated and that yes, that we were best friends and that he appreciated that from me. I avoided having to look at his face because I knew that look and his words would be my undoing.

"Friends? I think you and I both know that there's more between us than just that"

Okay, I was frowning now because that was not what I was expecting him to say. What did I say to that? The concern had me turning to look at his face, just to be sure that I wasn't reading too much into his words. The expression that I saw wasn't what I expected, seeing Ranger's features change from apprehension to determination had my heart and breathing hitch, bracing for what he might say next.

"Babe. I'm not an easy man to know but you know me better than anyone else. I've never seen myself as being good enough for you. I have a lot of enemies and carry a dark side to me. I've witnessed so many disastrous relationships of friends, ones who swore that they could make them work. I suppose I learnt to become emotionally closed off over the years with the type of work that I did and how work like that destroyed men and their families close to me. I've tried to keep you at a distance, but I find that I can't do that. You're there when I need someone and even when I don't think that I do. I trust you and worry about you, I miss you when you're not there and look forward to seeing you. I'm not good with words so instead I try to show you how I feel through my actions, through touching, kissing and making love to you. I'd give my life protecting you. Is that how friends feel?"

My thoughts went to Mary Lou and Lula because they were my closest friends, but I would never see those friendships as Ranger had just described. I shook my head because I conceded that what he'd said applied to me as well. I'd muted the idea of him being with me but never really bared my soul in front of him. I suppose the fear of rejection had always been too strong to risk what friendship we'd had. So what now, because while Ranger had said more to me than he ever had before, was he now saying that he did actually love me. Were his words a way to describe what love was?

Saying "I love you" had never been words that I could naturally say. Joe had said them to me but in light of his affairs and how he treated me they'd never meant anything. What Ranger had said to me conveyed so much more, as though he was actually describing what love should be about. I took a deep breath and decided to just talk from my heart. My eyes were fixed on the deep brown of his and I can honestly say they conveyed so much emotion.

"I think about you all of the time and what you're doing, worry when you're not around. I trust you with my life but would willingly sacrifice anything for you. I go to sleep and dream of you and how our lives might be, and your support and words mean the world to me. I love it when you touch me, when you're playful and when you smile. My heart, well it feels complete being with you and would shatter into a million pieces if you didn't want to know me anymore"

Wow, between us I was pretty sure that what we'd both done was to say how much we did love each other without actually saying it. That felt weird in one way and yet in another we'd conveyed our feelings at a much deeper level.

"Te amo mucho mi amor"

I didn't need to understand Spanish to know what he'd just said to me, but I did need for him to know that I wasn't a coward anymore, that I could say the words and that both of us knew that I meant it. I had tears in my eyes because I felt so emotional.

"I love you"

I whispered against his ear not quite ready to shout it out from the rooftops.

"I know, I needed to hear it from you as well"

He was right, I mean I was a woman who had professed to love two men at the same time but how Ranger had described us, well my response was never how I would have described my feelings for Joe. I moved my head sideways intent on sealing what we'd said with a kiss, but it seemed that someone else wanted in on the action as well. I felt a weight over me and then a wet tongue licking my neck so hearing a soft whining sound had me giggling.

"I think he feels left out. Can I keep him?"

Ranger settled me back into his arm and instead of stroking me he was stroking the dogs head, not exactly what I had in mind.

"Definitely, especially after his performance today"

Okay so what the hell had the dog done to warrant praise from Ranger?

"When I got back the place was locked down, so I had to use the door at the back to get in. As we came into the garage, he must have sensed that you were in trouble and went mad, protecting you and attacking the person bent over you"

"Juan?"

I asked. Though I knew what the answer would be. I was so glad that Ranger had come home when he had because it had a shiver go down my back at the thought of what Juan had intended to do.

"Yes. I locked him downstairs with a first aid kit"

Was I concerned that he was hurt, no, but I was worried why he'd said what he had and how he knew where to find us?

"He told me that I was being stupid for expecting you to ever love me, that you weren't capable of doing that. He tried to make me leave the house, but I refused and made it difficult for him, which was how we ended up at the bottom of the stairs. Why would he say that?"

I didn't expect Ranger to know the answer to that so wasn't surprised at his silence. Maybe like me he was thinking about what I'd said.

"Juan and I were good friends an age ago. I suppose as we grew up and moved in different directions there was still some of that friendship there, but he isn't someone that I would turn to. He shouldn't have known about here and he doesn't know me anymore. Maybe who he described was me an age ago, but I started to change when I met this stubborn, determined, crazy, curly haired bounty hunter. You changed me Babe and I suppose Luke has helped me to get things into perspective, to sort through my emotions. How about we make sure that you're okay and I don't need to call Bobby and then we'll have a little chat with Juan"

Being reminded about my fall had me deciding that maybe my head did ache a bit, but I knew from past experience that I wasn't concussed, hell I'd had enough of those to know. I was a bit worried about my arm because I remembered thinking that I'd hurt it but flexing it now, it felt okay.

"I'm fine, maybe an Advil to take the edge off"

I stayed in bed while Ranger went through to the bathroom, it was weird being able to see his head and shoulders as he moved, yet comforting at the same time. He returned with a glass of water and two tablets which I soon swallowed. I was told to stay where I was while he disappeared yet again and was beginning to wonder what he was up to when the most amazing smell preceded him from the stairs.

"I bought pizza on my way back"

Yep, I thought. The man who only ate healthy food that brought me pizza must definitely love me. Sitting up I was all too keen to start eating, surprised when Ranger made the dog get down from the bed.

"Eating crap like that really isn't any good for him and I won't have a dog who begs for food"

That was me told and it had me remembering about Bob. I'd been tricked into looking after Bob by one of the cops at the station and realized too late that he had no intention of claiming him back. In the end Bob had lived with Joe because of the backyard at Joe's house. The way that Bob had eaten and then puked and shit all over the place only proved Ranger's point. That dog had eaten anything and everything and I suppose how he scrounged food hadn't helped with his digestive system either. I'd have to remember to buy this dog some proper dog treats for when he was well behaved. I'd waited until I was halfway through my delicious pizza before asking more about the visit to the vets.

"What did the vet say?"

Ranger balled up the paper that his wrap had come in before replying.

"Maybe 4 or 5 years old. Heart and organs seem to be working fine and his teeth and mouth are healthy. I was recommended some shampoo for his skin and coat and some food to get some weight back on him"

"No owner?"

I held my breath waiting for the answer to that, but I was sure that had he belonged to anyone then Ranger wouldn't have brought him back here.

"No chip or anyone missing a dog like him"

Good which meant that I could officially claim him as mine. I was damned sure that the men at Rangeman would love him, and he could stay with me wherever I was.

"You'll need a name for him, and I'll get Hector to implant a tracker in him"

I was pretty sure that there was an ulterior motive somewhere in there and then it dawned on me. If Ranger knew where the dog was then chances were that I would be somewhere close. To be honest, I wasn't going to argue on that because it was probably a good idea with the luck that I had. Now a name, that needed some careful thought because if it was a silly or sissy name then the guys might object to taking him out for a walk, so he had to have a name that suited his personality. Maybe some time on the internet was needed to get some ideas.

Once I'd finished my food, I did feel so much better, though perhaps Ranger and my talk had been responsible for that. I can't say that I was looking forward to seeing Juan, but I was curious to know what he would say to explain his behavior. Fortunately for Juan we left the dog in the kitchen where I noticed a set of matching bowls on the floor. One had water in, and the other was empty. I followed Ranger down the steps and to the left seeing a door that I hadn't noticed before. Once through there we were in a small hallway that had three doors leading from it.

"Security and monitoring are all in there and that door leads to the other section of the house"

I nearly asked about him owning the house but decided that now wasn't the time especially when he was about to open door number three. That door required a good old fashioned key that was hung up on the wall by the door which had me wondering why it wasn't electronic like the rest of the doors for the house. I was pretty sure I heard metal sliding from within the door but almost jumped when it suddenly clicked open to reveal Juan laid on a bed at the back of the room. Even with the noise Juan ignored that we were there but it gave me a chance to look around his surroundings. Apart from the bed there was also a small couch and set into the wall was a TV making me wonder what this room had been intended to be used for.

"Juan. If you want to stay here, then that's up to you. I want some answers, like how the hell did you find this place?"

A slight smile on Juan's face told me that he was listening, but he continued to act indifferent. I had a feeling that he was doing that because it was Ranger asking the questions so clearing my voice, I decided that maybe I'd have more luck.

"Why hurt me Juan, did I deserve that?"

As I thought, he didn't like that I was accusing him of that. His head turned and he looked at me before he moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

"That was never my intention, I would never purposely hurt you"

"So kidnapping me, is that any better?"

Maybe by pointing out what he had actually tried to do might have him being more open to telling us how and why he was actually here. I mean his method had been pretty drastic.

"No, that wasn't what it was. Look, I like you and seeing you being whisked away by Carlos had me worried"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes as he said that because as far as I was concerned, he was just trying to avoid saying anything.

"Cut the crap Juan. What you said to me was heartless and cruel and why? So you could get me out of the house and away from Ranger? What the hell were you after, because that's the only reason anyone kidnaps me, because they think I know more than I do"

Even as I said that something went through my mind that had me taking a hold of Ranger's arm and trying to pull him back through the door with me.

"Leave him because I have to check on something"

I was into the garage as I heard that door close and lock, looking around at the foot of the stairs. What I was looking for wasn't to be seen so maybe it had been taken back upstairs.

"Babe, what are you looking for?"

"Rucksack. Juan went upstairs saying that he was packing some of my things"

He turned me around so that I was facing the stairs, so I got the hint and headed up.

"On the couch"

I went over to the couch and sat down with the rucksack on my knee and then after undoing the zip started to empty it. I sat back holding the file in my hand, the file that I had put together on Silas Sullivan.

"Why would he take my file about Silas Sullivan?"

Was that what this was about? Juan was actually wanting to know what I knew? Why, how? I mean no one knew that I'd been doing the research and I'd only just told Ranger my thoughts about how everything seemed to fit together.

"This is the man that you were telling me about, the one from the bank?"

I looked to my side to see that Ranger had sat down on the edge of the couch next to me and nodded my head. I was so annoyed with myself for letting Juan train me those mornings, for actually starting to like him when all along he was trying to get close to me in the hope that I might tell him something about Sullivan. The creep. Him turning up at Rangeman wasn't a coincidence and I bet he was so pleased when Ranger had to leave town. That way he knew that I wouldn't have Ranger as a buffer between us. Then Ranger had come home, spoiling his plan, so he'd decided to get me away from Ranger anyway he could.

"Why is Sullivan important to Juan?"

Ran through my mind and on an impulse, I removed the copies of the book and folded them before shoving them underneath the cushion next to me. Ranger raising an eyebrow and probably asking me why I'd done that had me shrugging my shoulders because I wasn't sure, just a feeling. At least I was picking up on his ESP now.

"Let's go ask him"

I liked the suggestion from Ranger but this time I was taking reinforcements with me. Ranger never said a word as I clicked my fingers at the dog, and he followed me down. I really needed to come up with a name for him.

"Keep that savage away from me. Look at what he did to me"

Oh, Juan was not happy which had me feeling pretty good. Okay, so his arm was bandaged from his wrist to his elbow and probably hurt like hell, but he deserved it for what he'd done.

"He was protecting me, Juan. He knew that I was hurt and that you were responsible for that"

At least Juan didn't come back with any excuses or even suggest that the dog had got it wrong. I held up the file for Juan to see and even he wasn't that good at hiding his reaction to seeing it. A slight aversion of his eyes from looking at me and then him closing his eyes as though trying to work out what to say.

"It's not what you think"

I cringed at hearing those words because Joe had always used them when I'd confronted him about being seen with Terry Gilman. Usually, it meant that I was right with my assumption, and he couldn't come up with anything better to say.

"What isn't Juan? That you unexpectedly turned up at Rangeman to then tell me that you were leaving and then returned as soon as I was gone. Then when you discover that Steph's with me you try to split us up and not only steal documents but try to take Steph as well?"

Yeah, Ranger had worked it out as well and I could tell that he was annoyed about it. I placed a hand on his arm, I don't know why, maybe just to reassure him that I was still here and nothing bad had happened. He glanced at me momentarily but already I could see him calming down. Juan, well he took everything in as he watched the interaction between Ranger and me, maybe now he would decide that telling us the truth was a safer option.

"Okay. You're right but I didn't mean for it to work out like this. I'm working a fucking job, off the books, so I had no choice"

Juan slouched back across the bed to lean against the wall which implied to me that at last, he was starting to tell us the truth. Ranger was stood ramrod still as he digested that information and worried me with what would happen next.

"Upstairs, but I warn you Juan, you do anything to piss me off and there won't be enough of you left to identify you"

That surprised me, not the threat but that Ranger seemed willing to let Juan continue talking upstairs. Was I missing something here?

Ten minutes later we were sat around the dining table with hot coffee in front of us and the dog sat next to me. Sullivan's file was sat in front of me and to be honest I was feeling very protective of it.

"Talk, Juan and don't give me any shit about clearance"

I think by now Juan knew that he had no choice and after he'd taken a drink from his mug he leant forward and began to talk.

"I was asked to look into the death of a judge up here. The reason being is that this judge had recently been in contact with the FBI, saying he needed to talk about something that had been going on for years, but he couldn't ignore it anymore"

I'm pretty sure that I was frowning trying to work out what this had to do with Sullivan, but I kept from saying anything hoping that Juan would get to the point quickly.

"They'd only had one meeting with him and to be honest what he was saying wasn't very clear, but he mentioned that the first, was a man named Sergio Ricci"

Oh shit. How was it that Juan just had to come up with a name that I'd done some research on? Could there be other men who were called by the same name?

"One of the reasons I was given this job was because I actually knew Sergio Ricci, back in the days when I was young and foolish. Remember Carlos, you got juvie and I ended up in prison as an adult. Shit, I was only 16 and scared stupid. I was bunked with this damn Italian who was in for murder. He was a loud mouth and so self-opinionated but he took me under his wing, you know protected me"

Twenty years ago, if I remembered right, but he was released two years later so what on earth had the judge been saying?

"Ricci boasted about his kill so imagine my surprise when he was released. I got out a year later and tried to find him only to learn that he'd died. The judge well he told the FBI that his release was to enable his assassination"

But he had died in a car accident, that was what the report had said, and I was sure that he'd been drinking. How could that judge even consider that it was anything else?

"Who was the judge, Juan?"

I wasn't sure why Ranger was asking that question because if the judge was dead now then there would be no more information from him.

"Laithwaite, Judge George Laithwaite"

I nearly choked on the mouthful of coffee that I'd just drunk and ended up coughing and spluttering. Ranger patted me on the back, but I was moving toward the stairs and the bathroom. I couldn't believe that the nice judge that I'd spoken to had died. Was that what shocked me, I think so, but in the back of my head I was worried now because I'd gone to see him. Would someone think that he'd told me something or heaven forbid that I had anything to do with his death. I splashed my face with cold water, feeling a little easier before I went back downstairs. Could this get any worse?

"Okay Babe?"

I nodded my head and then turned to Juan with a question that concerned me now.

"How did the judge die?"

"Fell down the stairs, apparently. His blood alcohol level was high but there was evidence of a break in. The housekeeper found him when she went in the next morning"

I knew that he drank, a lot, hell, when I'd met him, he was knocking back the bourbon. Then again even I had been confused with why he'd wanted to see me and couldn't wait to get away from his rantings.

"Why did you need to get close to Steph?"

My head popped up at hearing my name and to be honest I was almost afraid of what Juan would say.

"Sullivan, aka Sully. He was one of the best bounty hunters for finding people and was the one to find Ricci when he went FTA. Ricci hated him because he reckoned that Sully was knocking off his wife. After Ricci died Sullivan disappeared. Anyway, I did some digging from that time and looked at people who had been charged with a serious crime who got off or jumped bail. Not a lot but enough of them died accidentally"

"So you think that Sully was killing them?"

I asked with surprise, because from what I'd read, okay he was good at finding people and had the skills to apprehend, but to kill someone in cold blood? I wasn't buying that.

"I don't know"

I could understand the logic that Juan was using based on what he'd discovered but that was from twenty years ago. What was Juan looking for now that was so important? I looked to Ranger because it suddenly occurred to me that Juan hadn't answered the question of why he had targeted me.

"You never said why me Juan"

Juan sighed before sitting back in his chair and looking at Ranger. Maybe he was worried that by answering the question his admission would get Ranger annoyed.

"Your visit to see the judge before he died and then the fact that you were in that bank when Sully was. I think that Sully may have had information. A lot of people want to know what that is, to destroy it"

I know that I sighed because I couldn't believe how I'd accidentally got caught up with all of this. No wonder someone thought that I might know something if it was known that I'd spoken to the two men who were probably involved.

Leaving his explanation at that didn't sit well with me for several reasons. Did it matter now after such a long time? Then there was the fact that Sully had disappeared over 18 years ago so he couldn't have information that was relevant now and that book had been in the bank safety deposit ever since he had left Trenton. That book didn't say anything incriminating, far from it. Unless I was missing something.

I hated where this talk was going and to be honest couldn't work out where Juan thought his investigation was leading to. I needed time to think through what we'd learned and whether that book of Sully's was important. I watched as Ranger picked up my file and dropped it in front of Juan before standing up. Juan seemed pleased with the offer of the file and immediately started to flick through it.

"Is this it?"

Juan was looking at me with a disappointed look on his face which had me glad that I'd removed those pages from the file. By now we'd all stood up, but Juan was still looking at me for an answer.

"Yes. What else did you think I had?"

"You were with him, he must have said something to you or given you something"

I shook my head and took a step back away from the table. The way that Juan had said that had made me feel very defensive especially as he seemed to know so much about what happened in that bank and that I was sat with Sullivan.

"Look. Just tell me what I want to know, whether he actually spoke to you"

I tensed as his words conjured up images from my dreams, images of that basement room and the men who had taken me, but also the memories that those were the words I could remember Joe saying to me in the half-conscious state that I was in. The dog must have sensed my unease because he was on his feet in front of me baring his teeth and growling, which didn't go unnoticed by Juan.

"Get out Juan. Don't come anywhere near Steph or Rangeman"

Juan threw the file back onto the table before he walked over toward the stairs. Ranger went with him, I'm sure to make sure that he left the premises but to me he seemed to be taking a long time. Ranger would be back when he was ready, so with a sigh, I ended up picking up the rucksack, finding the copy of the book and going upstairs. I needed a diversion from thinking about what had happened and what better way than to research a name for my dog.