Well…I know this was an unpopular twist, and that I might have failed to explain how it came to be. But there is a plan, I can tell you this much.
CookieSprinkles: I knew I was taking a risk, not only with the breakup but with the different structure. But not knowing what will happen next or how long the story will be applies to all stories after all. There are plenty of Callian stories out there where they break up, go through moments like this and they get plenty of reviews and followers.
Tori: it was a bit out of the blue, although reading back I tried to leave some breadcrumbs here and there. I always struggle because I want to leave traces for readers to figure it out but I don't want to give too much. I do have a master plan!
Trying to move things along, posting again tomorrow!
Cal had been right, that had made for a tough conversation with Emily.
He had called her the morning after, thinking it was best and not wanting to take the risk that she might learn it from someone else. The irony didn't get lost on him: he had waited 3 months to share the good news because he wanted to do it in person, but it took him only 12 hours to deliver the bad one.
If Emily had taken note of the same contradiction she didn't say, way too shocked and confused by the present to compare it to the past. That, and she had been too busy making immediate plans to find the first train or plane to get home, whatever would be faster. Cal had tried to tell her that it wasn't necessary, that he was ok, but he hadn't tried as hard as he could have. There was likely nothing he could say or do to stop her really, and he wasn't entirely opposed to the idea of her coming home.
As civil and mutual as their breakup had been, and somewhat overdue if he was honest with himself, it was still the end of a relationship. Not just any relationship: it was Gillian, his best friend and partner in crime, the first woman he had truly loved and let himself loved by in years. The fact that he hadn't gone nuts and abandoned himself to depression didn't mean that he was ok with it: well, kind of as in carrying on for the sake of it wasn't going help them much but not ok as in he was happy it was over, and then again whenever he remembered that it was over a sense of panic and dread climbed up inside him and-
That whirlwind of feelings and thoughts was exactly why he didn't mind Emily coming over. As insane as it sounded, Cal couldn't understand how miserable he was supposed to feel, if at all; then again, he knew he had all the right to feel sad and distraught if and when he wanted. He knew that Emily was probably going to convince him to give it another shot, to rethink whatever had been going through his mind and maybe, who knew, she'd even dared to offer to talk to Gillian. Cal knew none of that would have helped, but it was oddly reassuring to think that his daughter's verbal assault might be just what he needed to assess himself.
Emily arrived the day after…they day after.
By then, Cal had already been through an entire day being single again and yet spending most of his time with his ex-girlfriend. He had survived, they both had, despite the curious and worried glances of their employees who had immediately picked up on the different vibe between them. They really were trying to make it work, knowing that their personal affairs shouldn't affect people around them professionally, and as strange as it was they seemed to be doing a good job at it.
Granted, it had only been 36 hours or so, but it was a start. And as much as he was happy to see Emily, as he waited for her parked outside the train station, Cal wondered not for the first time if her being there wasn't going to throw a wrench in a mechanism that seemed to be working despite everything. Even with all the post-split confusion going through him, Cal was certain of one thing: he didn't want to turn that into a gloomy affair, not for his daughter, not if he could help it.
So, when he finally spotted Emily in the crowd coming out of the station, he grinned and pulled the sign he had prepared from behind his back, holding it up for her to see. He saw her eyes widen as she spotted him, glad to see her smile, and wasn't surprised when her smile dropped as she read the sign.
"Really Dad?!" She questioned, snatching the paper reciting 'Emily the Moocher' from his hands.
Cal was still grinning, but stopped abruptly when he noticed that no, she didn't find his gesture funny at all. Worse even, she looked insulted that he had gone for levity under the circumstances and, Cal realised with a last look, suddenly on the verge of tears. For the first time in two days he really felt horrible, wondering what the hell was wrong with him that his daughter seemed to be more distressed by his breakup then he was, then grabbed her arm and pulled her close in a tight hug.
"I know love, I know." He said softly, feeling his own voice crack a little. Then he pulled her back and tried to smile. "How about we go home so you can make me some hot chocolate?"
"Ice cream."
"What?" Cal asked, having misheard her mumbling as they both entered the car.
"For breakups, ice cream," she sniffed.
"Too bloody cold for ice cream, Em," he smirked.
"Ok fine, but I want whipped cream with it."
Cal nodded in agreement and drove them home, making a quick stop at the groceries store to get whipped cream and a few other things. When they got home, Emily barely took the time to drop her backpack on the floor and take off her jacket then immediately squared him off in the kitchen.
"What happened Dad?"
Cal waited for a jabbing 'what did you do' to follow up but it didn't come, and he was glad that she was at least giving him the benefit of the doubt. Still, explaining what had indeed happened was not easy, because it wasn't like something had actually happened. It had creeped up on them, he knew that much, day by day, chipping away at their sense of comfort little by little.
As he spoke, trying to convey all that as best as he could, Cal paid great attention to the way Emily was reacting to his words more than to the words themselves. She was trying her best to understand, poor thing, but the reality for her was that her father was alone again and that both of them might have lost someone very special, one way or the other. It would have been a lot easier if he could tell her that he had screwed up, done something stupid that made Gillian call it quit, that it was all on him. For a moment Cal considered it, lying to her and taking the blame, but then he doubted it would make things any easier.
When the hot chocolate was ready Cal slid one mug over to her, Emily grabbed the whipped cream and sprayed an unhealthy amount on top. Cal rolled his eyes, then they picked up the hot drinks and went over to the couch. Emily sat and leaned down, bringing her legs under her body in a way that reminded him of Gillian - too much too soon - but he just sat and leaned forward, his arms resting on his knees.
"I'm sorry Em, I know how much this meant to you," he said after a while.
"Dad, this isn't about me." She scolded him, absently watching the whipped cream slowly melt away in contact with the hot chocolate. Then she sighed and looked up at him. "Are you ok?"
"That's the question, isn't it?" He smirked, then leaned back on the couch and Emily immediately switched around to lean on him. "I don't know, Em. I know I shouldn't, I'm not really…but it is what it is. I guess it hasn't really sunk in yet, maybe."
"But you loved her. You still do."
"I always will, same way I will always love your mother," he sighed. "But we weren't going anywhere. Staying together didn't make much sense anymore, might have only caused some damage."
"Like you and Mom?" She asked.
"Maybe, yeah." Emily seemed to consider the scenario and Cal held her tight, confident that it was memories of ugly arguments and constant fighting what was going through her mind. "It's gonna be ok, Em. Gillian's divorce was a different affair but it doesn't mean that we haven't both learned how to best end a relationship."
If there is ever a right of doing it, he added to himself.
"So you just…go back to how it was before?" He shrugged in response. "How?!"
Cal chuckled and dipped his finger in the whipped cream of her mug, bringing it to his mouth.
"I really don't know Em, but so far so good. Mind you then, it's only been a couple of days."
"Dad!"
"What do you want me to say Emily?" He scoffed, for the first time a touch annoyed. "That I want to fight with her? That I expect us to argue over everything, make everything personal and screw over whatever we have built over the years?"
"I don't know Dad, maybe!" She was raising her voice too now, pulling back to look at him. "I don't understand you, how can you be so calm and accepting of-"
"Because there's nothing else I can do, Emily. Nothing you can do." He stood up, not liking the tension he felt rising inside of him when she was close. "It happens, relationships end. Sometimes for a reason and sometimes they just do. And no," he silenced her with a stern look and hand gesture when she tried to say something, "talking about it isn't going to make me feel any better, so drop it."
"Dad-"
"I said drop it, Em."
He closed his eyes and counted to ten, it had been a while since he had spoken to her like that and he didn't like it. But he also needed to protect himself: as he had imagined, talking about it so much was finally getting to him and the last thing he wanted was to have an emotional breakdown in front of his daughter. Cal saw how his tone had affected her, probably bringing back memories of the separation or times he had been seriously made at her, and he didn't want her to go there again. Then he sighed and sat down again, pulling her closer once more and feeling relief when she hugged back.
"I'll be fine love, I just need a little time." He whispered softly. "Everything will be fine." He pulled back and absently caressed her cheek. "Already so much better with you here."
It was a lame attempt but it seemed to be working, although there was a chance she was just playing along and he was failing to notice. She really had thrown him for a loop, he was starting to feel things he hadn't yet and he didn't want to go down that path again, not so much for himself but for her.
Whether she had called his bluff or not, Emily still smiled softly at his words and hugged him again. Then, as if to concede she was going to drop the matter for the time being, she reached out for the mug she had put on the coffee table and took a long sip. Cal did the same, ensuring he'd made a mess of it and emerged from the sip with well defined chocolate smears around his mouth. Emily laughed, then dove into her mug trying to produce the same effect and they both giggled when she succeeded.
They sat in silence for a while, sipping the sweet drinks and enjoying the familiarity of their home, until Emily gave him a side look, apologising in advance for what she was about to say.
"Can I come to the office tomorrow?" She asked then, whispering as if she was afraid of his answer.
Cal smiled, knowing what she really meant was 'can I come and see Gillian?', then he leaned closer to kiss the top of her head.
"Of course you can, Em! Since when do you need to ask?" She shrugged shily. "Listen Em, no matter what happens with me and Gillian, she's there for you and that is not going to change. You know that. And-" he anticipated her next question "you don't have to avoid the topic with her either, ok? I mean, we wouldn't be able to stop you anyway!"
Emily nodded and smirked, as if to say she'd like to see him try, then finished her drink and stood up, announcing that she wanted to go unpack. Cal nodded and watched her go, picking up both mugs and going into the kitchen to wash them up. His hands moved under the hot water way longer than necessary, his thoughts going off on a tangent mixing together his daughter, his history with romantic relationships and so much more.
He didn't feel ok and yet he also didn't feel not ok: was that wrong? Did that mean that he had never really loved Gillian, if it seemed to be so easy to get over it? Or was he just too afraid to let the pain through and deal with it, to fully accept that his probable last shot at happiness and slipped through his fingers?
He didn't know, no bloody clue. But he knew he was going to do anything he could not to let his screw ups ruin important things for the young woman who was moving around the house like a bull in a China shop.
They spent the day together, staying clear of that kind of conversation, but on Monday Emily was determined to follow through with her intention to go to the office with him. Cal didn't try to stop her, she'd probably resorted to physical violence and name calling if he tried, and in all honesty he wanted to see how it worked out. He had no doubt that Gillian would have been happy to see Emily, and he wanted to be able to show her that just because they were no longer together that very important part of his life was still very much accessible to her.
Still, in the elevator he warned Emily about some possible strange looks coming her way. After all, the development was still fresh and everybody around them was trying to adjust, and her presence there might have been a confusing factor for some. Emily nodded and told him not to worry, if Gillian and him had been able to avoid making a scene she could certainly manage too…and really, all she wanted to do was to spend some time with her.
When they entered the office there was only a mild surprise on the people's faces. Many of them had imagined Lightman would have called his daughter for support, but they seemed more taken aback by the fact that she looked ok, all considered. Even more so when she saw Gillian, coming out of the break room with a steaming cup of coffee in her hands. They looked at each other, then Foster moved her eyes over to Cal with a questioning look and he simply nodded and shrugged, giving his silent green light.
"Emily, hi!"
The welcoming tone of her voice was so genuine and real that Cal had to fight the urge to smile, instead gently shoved Emily on her back and pushed her forward. He watched as the women stepped closer, exchanging a quick hug and wide smiles like the old friends they were. Then they turned their backs to him and made their way to Gillian's office, leaving him there to take in the scene.
"Is…everything ok?"
Cal blinked himself out of his thoughts and looked at Torres, well aware of the fact that it was probably the first time that anybody had asked something like that to either of them. And it wasn't the probing and teasing kind of 'are you ok' Torres would sometimes ask when she was onto something: it was honest, heartfelt, and it confirmed to Cal that, no matter how unusual, the path they had chosen for their split really was the right one. Things like that shouldn't happen; not because he didn't want to answer the question but because what they did there was far more important than his or Gillian's feelings, and because the smart people working for them had better things to do with their fine observation skills.
"Yes, Torres. All good." He looked at her and gave her a nod and…was that a smile? "Thanks." More than the smile, it was the honest thanks that caught her off guard, and he gracefully broke the impasse with a swift and very reasonable change of subject. "Where are we on the Hollis case? Did the bank come through with the ATM images?"
Torres nodded and started walking towards the lab, filling him in as they went.
Meanwhile, a few steps away from them, Gillian and Emily were sitting down on the couch in her office, engaging in an animated conversation focused mostly on the girl's latest developments. They always kept in touch regularly, but catching up in person was always better and, in that case, much needed.
They made casual and generic conversation for as long as they could, avoiding the elephant in the room, but eventually Gillian felt that it was ridiculous for them to be so stubborn about it.
"Emily, it's ok." She said then, squeezing the girl's hand. "You can ask…unless your father told you not to."
"No, no… the contrary, actually." Emily sighed, and Gillian frowned. "He told me all about it."
"But you have questions."
"I don't know, really." She looked confused, confused by her own confusion. "When he said it I thought it didn't make sense, or that he was lying to me. I guess what I don't understand is how it can look so…"
"Easy?" Emily felt bad in doing so but nodded, and Gillian shook her head. "It's not Emily, not at all. But there is so much on the line and to be honest, it could have been a lot worse."
"You two broke up," she pouted. "What could be worse than that?"
Gillian chuckled softly, then scooted closer and put her arm around Emily's shoulder. She had missed the girl, she always did when they went weeks without seeing each other and that had been true even before her relationship with Cal even started. She had never thought that Cal would keep Emily away from her, not even if their break up had been ugly and spiteful, but she had been surprised nevertheless to see her.
"What did he tell you?" She asked. "And please don't tell me he tried to take the blame."
Emily chuckled and shook her head, then gave Gillian a brief summary of what Cal had told her. Gillian was pleasantly impressed, knowing it must have not been easy for him. She was also a bit jealous, thinking that he had been able to talk about it with someone, a luxury she didn't have. For a passing moment she considered doing it, unburdening herself too with Emily but she quickly realised it woudln;t have been fair to her, not to mention appropriate.
"I know it sounds strange, that it might seems like a stupid reason to break up." Emily glanced up at her, finding her soothing smile. "But I'm glad we could see it before it was too late. Before we started fighting and resenting each other, burning whatever bridge left between us. There were two big risks we knew of when we got together, ruining our friendship and destroying the company. I think-" Her voice faltered a little, and unbeknownst to her Emily found comfort in the thought that she was struggling with it. "We both felt that staying together to prove some kind of point would have turned both of them into reality. Staying together would have destroyed any chance of us being able to talk at all, let alone work together." Gillian took her hand in hers, her smile now steady and warm. "And it would have taken this away too, you and I."
It wasn't a lie, it was the honest to God truth and, in all honesty, Emily wanted to believe that anyway. She dove in to hug Gillian, who immediately returned the gesture and held her gently with an absent smile on her lips. Thinking that perhaps that night she was probably going to finally have the good cry she had been waiting for.
Another reminder for good measure, posting again tomorrow and then on 26 December. So I guess this is a good moment to wish you all happy holidays (real life is far more important than a fic!)