Author's Note: Half a year later…I honestly don't think it's that bad for this story. I feel like I've waited longer to update a chapter. My excuse this time is: writing is only one of my many hobbies and this summer I decided to dedicate my free time to one of my other hobbies and furthering goals that will help me in the future. In short: I've been busy doing other things.
On a brighter note: I've been generating a lot ideas for this story's future. I have an idea as to what I want to do regarding Itachi and Kisame's relationship going forward, Deidara's relationship with Itachi and Sasori, and while I was revising this, I had an idea as to how I want to end this story. I don't have everything planned out just yet but I'm still thinking about it even though I'm not writing as much.
Without further ado, I hope you enjoy the chapter (which, ironically, was supposed to take place in March when I updated the last chapter - to be specific, this chapter takes place on March 27th, 2016 - which was Easter Sunday that year).
"I HOPE WE'RE NOT TOO EARLY!" MEGUMI UCHIHA smiled when Itachi answered the door. In her arms she held a large roasting pan. In the center of that pan, an uncovered fully cooked ham.
Itachi casually peered behind her. It was raining outside and yet she stood before him completely dry with an uncovered ham in her arms. Surely the rain hadn't started the moment she set foot on the front porch.
Still smiling, Megumi strolled past Itachi followed by her husband, Kagami. "Where's Shisui?" Itachi asked them. He wasn't in the car in the driveway.
"Shisui wanted to spend the day with friends so he won't be joining us today." Megumi called from behind him.
Itachi followed the couple inside. "What do you mean he's spending the holiday with friends?" Didn't they remember what happened the last time Shisui spent a holiday with friends instead of his family? Why weren't they more concerned about this?
"Itachi, sweetheart, why don't you come eat with us?" His own mother asked. "Dinner's ready."
Why didn't anyone care that Shisui was spending the holiday with friends? College students didn't spend holidays like Christmas and Easter preparing elaborate home cooked meals and giving thanks around a dining room table! They used the holiday, no matter how obscure, as a reason to get drunk! Shisui could be out getting drunk at this very moment and nobody seemed to be concerned about it.
There had to be a mistake. They couldn't have forgotten the last time Shisui spent a major holiday with friends. If worse came to worst, Itachi would make them see reason.
"There you are!" Kisame greeted him.
Since when did Kisame attend family gatherings? He didn't invite him. His parents wouldn't have invited him.
And yet here he was, sitting at his family's dining room table with an open textbook to his left and a worksheet lying before him. "I brought this week's homework!" He proudly exclaimed.
No. Itachi was not tutoring this man during Easter. He didn't care when his homework was due or what his current grade in the class was. It wasn't happening.
"Kisame I'm not—"
"It was only one drink Itachi, I swear!" Kisame argued.
"What?"
"Don't try to persuade him, yeah." Deidara pushed past him to take a seat next to Sasuke. "In a matter of time he'll stop talking to you like he did me."
"Deidara I'm sorry." Itachi explained.
"Sweetie, the food's getting cold, come take a seat." Mikoto urged.
Itachi did as he was told even though it seemed like everything was spiraling out of control. Shisui was out partying with friends and nobody seemed to care, Kisame was dipping French fries into a chocolate milkshake and dripping it onto his math homework, Deidara hadn't stopped glaring at him from the moment he arrived and Fugaku was nowhere to be seen. "Where's father?" Itachi asked anyone who was listening to him.
Mikoto furrowed her brow. "He's working, sweetheart. Don't you remember?"
He took a seat beside Kisame. "No, I don't."
As if on cue, Fugaku appeared at the entrance to the dining room. "Itachi."
Why was he addressing only him? Why him?
"Shisui's dead."
Hot tears rolled down Itachi's cheek. Suddenly all eyes were on him. "I knew this would happen." He choked out. "I knew this would happen."
Shisui was dead. And it was all Itachi's fault.
6:34
It was early. Too early for classes to start and too early to awake on the weekend. Itachi narrowed his eyes at the unchanging time, trying to recall what day of the week it was. He couldn't remember the last time he was in school which meant it must be a weekend. Analyzing his surroundings, he came to understand that he was in his bedroom at home.
His hometown was a two hour drive from the university he attended. Not an unreasonable distance but not a commute Itachi liked to make very often which is why he decided to return home only during the holidays.
Holidays.
Today was Easter Sunday.
"I invited Megumi and Kagami over for dinner this Easter. Is that alright with you?" His mother had asked him a little over a month ago.
Shisui's parents were coming over for dinner tonight. And without Shisui.
"Shisui wanted to spend the day with friends so he won't be joining us today."
"Shisui's dead."
The words echoed in the back of Itachi's mind. Had it all been a dream? Was Shisui still alive?
"Honey, that was Kagami. Shisui is dead." He remembered his mother saying months back.
Shisui was in fact dead. But why did it all feel so sudden? Like it only happened yesterday?
6:39
Time was moving at a crawl and the longer Itachi stared at the clock the more frustrated he felt. He couldn't explain why he felt this way or why he needed to stare at the clock on his nightstand. When he couldn't take it any longer he let his head fall back against his pillow and stared at the ceiling above him. Blank. Unchanging. Consistent. It had been that way in all the time Itachi had lived in this house.
Megumi and Kagami wouldn't arrive until later this evening. Around five or six if Itachi had to guess. And here he was, awake eleven hours early and unable to fall back asleep.
"Shisui's dead."
Not that he wanted to if an equally disturbing continuation of the dream he was having awaited him.
An image of Kisame's smile flashed before him. Had he dreamt of Kisame last night too? Searching the recesses of his memory, he could recall Kisame sitting at the dining room table downstairs. Had he invited him over for Easter dinner? No. That was unlikely. He wouldn't dream of inviting anyone from school over to his house. He could practically hear Sasuke's snickers if he did.
"What are you lying in bed for, Itachi?" He could hear Shisui telling him. "Come on it's a beautiful day outside and it's Easter! You gotta enjoy your days off school while you can!"
If Shisui were here, Itachi would remind him that every Sunday was a break from the rigor of the typical school week. Easter was no exception. He would also point out that at this hour the world was still dark as it was too early for the sun to illuminate the town in its warm rays. What on Earth could he possibly accomplish at this hour?
"Nothing if you just lie there."
Shisui was one to talk. He slept in almost every morning. As a child, Itachi used to admire Shisui for waking up at 7am to go to school. It wasn't until his cousin entered middle school and started to complain about waking up at 6am that Itachi realized Shisui wasn't the early riser that Itachi thought him to be.
6:47
For Itachi there was no other choice but to start his day, regardless of the early hour. He wouldn't spend the day climbing mountains or exploring new territory like Shisui would have suggested if they were younger. No. Like every other adult in this house, he would go downstairs and prepare breakfast and a cup of coffee for himself and figure out how to best spend the rest of the day until Megumi and Kagami arrived.
A white sky blanketed the land as far as the eye could see and the air was chilly. Dark patches of clouds crawled across the sky, threatening rain. The grass was a dark shade of green, a stark contrast to the rectangular patch of dirt before him.
BELOVED SON, SHISUI UCHIHA; BORN OCTOBER 19TH, 1994; DIED DECEMBER 31ST, 2015; REST IN PEACE
The granite slab was typical. One could almost say it was plain. There were no carvings of Shisui planting trees or scooping soup at the soup kitchen where he frequently volunteered or even a simple carving of his smiling face. Such a service would cost extra, no doubt, but money wouldn't have been an issue for Kagami and Megumi who both had stable, well-paying careers.
The tombstone also lacked any inspiring or motivational quotes. Something to summarize Shisui's lifestyle or beliefs or reflect his selfless personality.
Back when they were younger Shisui would often joke about what he wanted to have engraved on his headstone when he died. "If this sandwich kills me please have them write 'DEATH BY BACON' on my headstone! Please!" Or something along those lines. He said it so often that Itachi was almost compelled to do it or at least bring it up when they were older. "I thought you wanted me to have them write 'FOREVER SINGLE' on your headstone." He would joke with him. "Don't you remember that?"
Itachi still remembered these things. Only this time he had no one to tell. The headstone and engravings had already been set.
There was something about seeing this slab of granite in the ground, emblazed with Shisui's name that made everything a reality. Not a day went by that Itachi didn't consider Shisui's death as such but there was something about seeing his tombstone that made his chest constrict and his cheeks burn.
Despite the foreboding clouds rolling in the ground was dry. Standing above Shisui's grave, looking down on his final resting place didn't seem right. Ever since they were kids, Shisui towered over him by at least an inch but even so Itachi considered them to be equals. He wouldn't lie on the grass beside the dirt plot but he would take a seat before it instead so he could be face to face with Shisui's name – second only to Shisui sitting before him in person.
Unlike so many of the grey concrete headstones surrounding it, Shisui's was the opposite. A smooth piece of black granite that dully reflected everything around it. It was perfect, in a way. A flashy tombstone that stood out from the rest yet said nothing different from the template of those around it. When he was alive, Shisui was no doubt flashy. He was the life of the party. He had a polarizing effect on those around them and everyone smiled when they saw him. But those who really knew Shisui knew that he was a humble man. He didn't strive to rise above and be better than those around him. He was very much down to earth in that manner.
In turn Itachi strived to be just like him. He wanted to have a positive effect on others without stealing the spotlight for himself. Somewhere along the way, however, his image of himself and what he aspired to became clouded like his reflection in Shisui's headstone. When did he become this person who shunned others for an honest mistake? When did he become someone who couldn't find the words to stitch together a simple apology and admit when he was wrong?
Shisui wasn't perfect. Far from it, in fact. But Shisui knew when to apologize and knew when to admit that he was wrong so why couldn't Itachi do the same? If Shisui were to sit before him right now, in this instant, what would he tell him?
"You gotta stop what you're doing." He'd start.
Vague as always. Even in his thoughts Shisui's words were vague. But how would he continue with that? What would he mean to tell him? Truly mean to tell him?
"You need to make nice with your roommate." And just like that he'd cut to the chase." Relationships like that are the foundation for the rest of your time in college and so on and so forth…" Whatever followed wasn't relevant. He didn't come to college to make friends. That much was certain the day he moved in. Alive or not, Shisui would not convince him otherwise.
"It was a simple kiss, Itachi! So what? He apologized and you should've moved on! You're treating the kid like he has the black plague or something, man what is with you?" Even without the exaggerations there was truth to Shisui's words even if they only existed in Itachi's mind.
"And Kisame…" His cousin would sigh in exasperation. "Dude. You gotta get over that too. I know I fucked up when I was alive," yes, even in death, Shisui would jump to reference a time 'when he was alive,' "I made some bad decisions but not everyone will be the same way!"
"I know," Itachi found himself responding, "Sasuke told me the same thing." Fortunately everyone was at home preparing for Easter and couldn't witness him talking to himself. Such a thing was perfectly natural in a cemetery though wasn't it? Or was it proper to maintain complete and utter silence save for mournful sobbing? Either way he didn't care.
"Let him live his life and live yours as well. If he wants to drink, let him drink! If that bothers you that's fine but it's not your life to live and take me for example: you only live once."
It was all in his head, he tried to tell himself. Shisui's voice was only in his head. However, no matter how much he told himself that it felt as though Shisui were speaking to him in person, right in front of him or next to him or from behind, it didn't matter. He sorely missed the sound of his cousin's voice and the advice he gave him and more than anything he wanted Shisui to be here. To be with him in person and to tell him what to in his own words and to come back to the house to celebrate Easter as a family again this year.
His thoughts were a broken cry that didn't escape his lips but instead dribbled down his cheeks and dripped onto the denim of his jeans.
"You can do this, I know you can." He could hear Shisui saying which fractured the thin line that was his mouth. All of the pent up stress from his ordeal with Deidara, his conflicting feelings regarding Kisame, and everything he'd been hiding from his mother, his brother and his father, gradually bubbled up to the surface and then in waves that caused his shoulders to shake. He was certain that if he looked into the face of Shisui's headstone he wouldn't like the man it reflected back. The crying, hysterical mess doubled over on the asphalt.
Placing an outstretched palm on the ground before him, he leaned forward, removed his right leg from underneath him, followed by his left and scrambled to his feet. Shisui wasn't going anywhere, he knew. But the longer Itachi stayed the more wretched he felt. The more he listened to Shisui's voice within him, the more his heart ached for his cousin's presence. The more tears that stained his cheeks the more ashamed he felt for the way he'd been treating those around him since Shisui's death. He could spend all day in this cemetery but his family had plans and wanted him to be a part of them. And it was quickly becoming apparent that Itachi needed to make some changes in his life before he could face Shisui again.
By the time he collected himself and returned to the driver's seat of his car, it started to rain. Tiny droplets speckled his windshield and dotted the pavement ahead of him. He spared one last glance at his cousin's grave before it became muddy. The fact that the ground hadn't been covered by a blanket of grass yet already unnerved him. He didn't need to see the pond that would form and settle the dirt more than it already was.
Turning the key in the ignition, he flicked the windshield wipers on spared one last glance at his cousin's grave before he put the car into drive. His eyes burned but his chest and shoulders felt lighter. Like the weight of the semester's drama had dissolved into the morning air. It was also made clear to him that he needed to set things right with both Deidara and Kisame when he returned to campus this week. More than anything, however, this trip confirmed that Shisui was always there to lend him a helping hand or random quip or unwanted advice if he just opened himself up to it. If Itachi ever lost sight of himself he knew where to go to restore his sanity and confess what was bothering him.
"Talking to a hunk of granite every time you have a problem isn't healthy." Shisui would chime in once he pulled out of the cemetery. "It's not like you don't have people in your life who are willing to listen to you when you have a problem, you know." He was right.
"You could have told me. I would've listened to you as carefully as I'm doing right now." Kisame told him earlier in the year when he broke down in the upperclassman's apartment.
A smile spread onto Itachi's lips. The thought of Kisame's ever present grin evoked memories of chocolate frosties with a side of French fries.
And if it weren't for his mother's dinner preparations for the holiday, Itachi would've driven out of his way to buy himself one.
-8-8-8-8-
Later on when he returned home he was greeted by the sounds of soft thudding coming from the kitchen. The distant suction of the refrigerator opening and closing. The shrill clang of the silverware being sifted through. The hollow thud of a stainless steel pot being set in the curved opening of the sink, made from the same material.
"Oh hi, honey." Mikoto smiled and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear to see him properly. "I thought you were Sasuke for a minute."
He smiled lingered in the doorway. "Do you need any help?" He knew his mother was one responsible for the noise as she would most likely be preparing tonight's dinner ahead of time. His father and Sasuke normally stayed clear with the exception of grabbing a drink from the fridge.
She brushed a lock of hair behind her ears and returned a welcoming smile. "Sure! Can you check the potatoes while I check on the ham?"
"Yeah." He stood clear while she opened the oven door and pulled the roasting pan out of the oven.
"You were gone for a while." She spoke as she set the roasting pan on the stove top. "Is everything alright? I was beginning to worry."
"It's Easter. Nobody's on the road." He answered.
Mikoto glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and picked up the thermometer that was lying on the countertop nearby. "That's what worried me, actually. Everyone's at home with their families today and most of the stores are closed."
What could you have been doing for over an hour? She meant to say.
"I was at the cemetery." He answered and removed the lid from the pot the potatoes were in.
A cloud of steam obscured his view of his mother's expression but he didn't need to look at her to know that her eyes were wide with shock. Although she probably wasn't shocked. Itachi hadn't seen or talked to his aunt and uncle since Shisui's funeral and they were due to come over any minute. She probably suspected that he would retreat to the cemetery before they arrived. If anything, she probably worried about his mental and emotional state. "How was it?"
Now it was Itachi's turn to steal a glance in her direction. "It was good. I'm glad I went."
A sympathetic smile quickly replaced her worried frown. "Well that's good. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself."
For several seconds the two continued what they were doing in silence – Itachi testing the potatoes and dumping them into a strainer in the sink and Mikoto stirring the glaze she prepared beforehand. For the first time in a long time Itachi was finally being honest about his feelings with his mother even though he hadn't told her much of anything except for his whereabouts over the past hour. And it was probably safe to say that Mikoto was glad to hear him truly open up about his feelings this year and confront the reality of Shisui's death.
He didn't feel the need to elaborate and she didn't feel it necessary to press for details.
The doorbell sounded just then, signaling the arrival of Shisui's parents Megumi and Kagami. "I'll get it." Itachi volunteered.
"Are you sure you'll be fine?" She asked.
"I'll be fine." Itachi answered over his shoulder. Even if he suddenly changed his mind, his aunt and uncle were already here.
"Happy Easter!" Megumi announced when Itachi opened the front door to allow her inside. A strand of hair stuck to her forehead and her face was dotted with tiny water droplets. In her arms she held a small container with a foggy lid covering the contents inside. "How are you, Itachi? I wasn't sure if we'd be seeing you today!"
Mikoto didn't give him the option to skip dinner with his aunt and uncle. He was to spend dinner with the family and could retreat to his bedroom afterwards, his mother told him. Apparently she did not mention this to Megumi.
"I'm doing well, thank you." The polite response to her question. "What's this?" He asked of the container.
Itachi took a step away from the door to allow the couple inside. "Glazed carrots." She explained once she was inside.
He almost expected her to present him with a fully cooked ham.
"Megumi I told you we'd have enough food!" Mikoto called from the kitchen.
Megumi looked over Itachi's shoulder to lock eyes with her sister-in-law. "I know but I couldn't help myself!" She smiled sheepishly.
Itachi turned to his mother who was drying her hands on a dishtowel and making her way over. "Did I hear you say you brought glazed carrots?"
"That's right!" She smiled and extended the container to Mikoto's waiting hands.
Shisui inherited her positive, forward thinking demeanor. Itachi liked to think that he would do the exact same thing during family gatherings when they adults. "I know you said you had enough potatoes but we always run out and you know I'll take home any leftovers!" He'd laugh and playfully nudge Itachi in the side with his elbow.
"How are you, Mikoto?" Kagami asked and pulled Mikoto into a delicate hug.
"I'm doing fine, Kagami, how are you?"
"Hair's a little wet but other than that, can't complain!" He laughed and patted his messy curls.
Itachi could hear a little bit of Shisui in his uncle who took great pride in styling his once voluminous curls that grew smaller and smaller as the years went by. Even so, the man spent a considerable amount of time in the mornings trying to look presentable only to have his efforts ruined by the fine mist outside.
Itachi remembered a time when Shisui ran from the grocery store parking lot to the store's entrance because he forgot an umbrella. Itachi, on the other hand, patiently waited in the car for the rain to let up while Shisui shook his head like a dog to dispel the rain droplets hanging from the wet strands of hair that stuck to his face. Itachi remembered how you could see Shisui's nipples through his white graphic t-shirt and how his sneakers squeaked for aisles.
"You look ridiculous." Itachi chided him then.
"That may be but I've never felt more alive."
"Where's my brother at?" Kagami asked in present time.
"He's upstairs getting ready, I believe." Mikoto answered.
"Thanks." He and headed towards the stairs. "Fugaku! Where ya hiding! Come show your brother some love!"
"I swear my old man still thinks he's nineteen and cool." Shisui would have snickered.
Although he felt Shisui's absence almost every day since he died, Itachi found himself smiling at the memories he still had of when his cousin was alive. It would be different this year, not to drag an additional chair to the dining room table to accommodate the seventh person and to sit so close that his elbows bumped into either Shisui's or Sasuke's but he would survive. He could see pieces of Shisui in Kagami and Megumi and it was nice of his mother to invite them over for the holiday.
"Itachi, could you come mash the potatoes please?" Mikoto asked him. "You know your brother will pour half a gallon of milk into the mix if we let him, remember?"
Itachi chuckled. "I remember."
"Are you seriously bringing up the potatoes again?" Sasuke asked, emerging from upstairs. "Nobody told me how much milk to put in it and it tasted bland!"
"You'll learn someday, Sasuke, don't worry." Megumi reassured him.
Listening to his family laughing and having a good time made Itachi smile even though Shisui wasn't here with them. What Itachi thought would be an awkward family dinner spent in silence looked as though it'd be like every family dinner they had when Shisui was alive.
It wouldn't be easy, juggling his social life and everything he needed to fix along with preparing for final exams when he returned to school but he wouldn't worry about it.
As Shisui would have reminded him, "Everything will be fine."
Gotta love crazy dreams of things you hope will NEVER happen in real life, morbid cemetery visits and epiphanies and heart-warming family get-togethers!
I personally liked how this chapter rolled out. There wasn't a lot of dialogue (save for Itachi's inner conversations with Shisui) but I think Itachi has a pretty good idea as to what he needs to do going forward. I think he's had a really hard time in the past several months since Shisui died and really just needed something to make him realize that what he's been doing isn't healthy. Hopefully going forward he'll make some changes and in the end all we can do is hope for his happiness and peace of mind in the end.
I hope the chapter flowed nicely - I wrote the beginning and the middle first, then wrote in the cemetery visit and had to reread it to make sure it flowed nicely and just when I was about to upload it I decided to add a transition between the cemetery visit and Megumi and Kagami's arrival (the talk with Mikoto) to reflect Itachi's change in demeanor. Then I think I changed what Itachi and Mikoto were doing in the kitchen after reading through the rest of the chapter...(in short - lots of revision!)
Hope it flowed okay!
Until next time,
Itachi's Husband