[A/N]: Here is the delayed and probably long awaited May update...I usually update at the end of each month because I procrastinate but I got sick with the covid so that didn't happen (I was fine after 2 weeks of that). And then I moved to Japan last week so I've been busy.

Despite that I have 2 weeks in quarantine to burn so I am trying to make good on the May, June, and July updates. Note that this chapter took me six full days of writing, re-writing, complaining to the heavens, plotting (because I was running out of ideas lol), waking up at 3am (hello jet lag) to make notes, forgetting to USE said notes, and rewriting again and again and again. I'm tired of rewriting so I'm convinced that this chapter is good enough. Pleaseeeee let me know what you think as it helps motivate me to continue when all I wanna do is sleep!

"So he's doing his best. I suggest giving him some space to sort out his feelings for you. That doesn't mean ignore him when he's in trouble. Just keep your distance from him a little."

It all became clear to him then. "So then," he began uncertain if he should divulge more, "that doesn't explain his fascination with my relationship with you."

Several hundred feet ahead of them a car pulled out of its parking space. While they were far enough away to safely slow down, Kisame didn't show any signs of trying to avoid it.

"Car." Itachi said but Kisame didn't flinch. "Kisame car!"

"SHIT!" KISAME SWORE AND STEPPED ON THE BREAKS, causing them both to lurch forward as the car came to a sudden halt. His horn blared with the force of his upper body pressing against it whereas Itachi scrambled to catch his breath against the taut seatbelt restraining him. "Shit," He swore again."Shit, are you okay? Shit I'm so sorry."

"It's fine. People back out without warning all the time in this parking lot." Itachi answered, trying to smooth the incident over as Kisame pulled into the newly vacated parking space. "I shouldn't have distracted you in a busy parking lot. I apologize."

"It's not your fault. And you're right. People do back out without warning a lot." Kisame agreed.

He turned the ignition off and the two sat in silence for a moment, staring out their respective windows at nothing. Eventually Itachi broke the silence. "You ready?"

Kisame opened his door. "Yeah, let's go."

They climbed out of the car and traversed the parking lot in silence which Itachi found odd. He stole a glance at Kisame who set a brisk pace, hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans, head bent forward and eyes focused on the ground before him. He was chattering away like usual just a moment ago. Was he still fixated on what happened before they parked? He didn't strike Itachi as the type to get hung up over things like that but who was he to judge? He thought of ways to break the silence. Ways to liven up the mood despite his own grouchy demeanor. "Do you like crab cakes?"

"How dare you insult me!" Kisame cried. "I don't like crab cakes, I LOVE crab cakes! My dad practically spoon fed them to me when I was old enough to eat solid food! Is that what we're making tonight?"

Itachi hummed in affirmation. "I figured it's a quick meal that you can make on the weekdays that can be paired with a number of things."

"All right!" He cheered as they passed through the double doors of the store. "Count me in coach! I'm ready!"

"Excellent. First up on the list is saltine crackers which is in the dairy aisle so we'll get that last. Do you want lemon wedges? If so, that's just up ahead—"

"I can't believe you have a grocery list. You're like a little old lady." He chuckled beside him.

Itachi shot him a glare. "If you don't write down the things you need how will you be sure you've picked everything up?

He shrugged. "Hope for the best and send someone out to pick it up for me if I forgot something!"

"You're so irresponsible. That's a waste of time and gas." Itachi chided. "If you're going to learn how to cook it might be a good idea to make sure you have all of the necessary ingredients before you start so you don't buy something you already have in your pantry at home or forget something crucial when it's time to mix the ingredients together. What happens when you have a pot of boiling water on one burner and have to mix up a sauce in another burner only to realize you're short a can of tomato sauce and you can't afford to leave the stove unattended while you run out to the store?"

"Like I said, make one of the roommates do it." Kisame said. "If I cook anything I guarantee you they would be watching me like hawks waiting to dig in. If you want some of my cooking you either have to do the dishes and run to the store if I forgot something. That's the deal!"

He had a point there. "But why waste time arguing with your roommates when you can make sure you have everything you need before you start to cook? I mean, in the time it took them to run to the store for you you'd have to keep your food warm, turn your burners down to a simmer while you wait for them to get back—" A large hand clapped him on the back, effectively cutting him off.

"That's why," Kisame began, "I asked you to teach me your ways oh prepared one. Because as you can see, I don't know what I'm doing." He said with a playful wink.

Itachi felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment. Was he really lecturing Kisame about proper cooking techniques in the middle of a store like this? Was Kisame annoyed with him? "Sorry. You have a point."

"Lighten up Itachi!" He laughed. "It's not that serious. Teach me your ways and maybe by the end of the semester I'll be a master chef!"

He snorted and gave a small grin. "That's a lofty goal, don't'cha think?"

Kisame extended his hand above his head. "Aim high!"

"Now apply that to your studies."

"Savageeeee…"

They spent about half an hour in the store picking out snacks for their respective apartments and ingredients for the enough crab cakes to feed Kisame's entire dormitory. "How much do you intend to eat?" Itachi asked as Kisame plucked can after can of crab meat off the shelf to place in the basket.

"As much as I can! I can't trust my roommates for nothing! They'll probably eat everything an hour after it's done!" He replied.

Itachi's stomach twisted. He anticipated that one or more of Kisame's roommates would be present when they returned. He couldn't possibly expect to never run into any of them when he was a guest in their shared dwelling. Nonetheless, he wouldn't be unhappy if they weren't there at all.

And as fate would have it, none of them were. "It's quiet in there."

Kisame chuckled. "They're probably out to dinner or banging a girl they just met. I'm thankful for the silence because they'd only get in the way."

He imagined Kisame rough housing in the kitchen, pushing and shoving his roommates and possibly slinging ingredients at them like a cafeteria food fight. He was aware he was stereotyping them because they were athletes but he didn't think he was incorrect in that thinking.

"What's the first step, chef?" Kisame asked over his shoulder.

The heat of his breath made him shiver slightly. He sidestepped slightly and continued to scroll through the directions. "I'm reading."

"Step one," the older man read aloud, "crush the crackers in your hands and dump in a large bowl. Easy enough!"

Itachi continued where he left off as Kisame rummaged around in the cupboards for, presumably, a bowl to crush the crackers in. "Which bag are the crackers in, Itachi?" When Itachi didn't answer right away, Kisame repeated himself. "Hellooooo?"

Itachi turned his head. "I'm reading through the recipe."

Kisame blinked. "I told you, step one is to crush the crackers."

Itachi sighed. "You know, it's good practice to read through the entire recipe before you begin and prep your ingredients."

Silence. "I thought we were prepping? Isn't crushing the crackers prepping the ingredients?"

More silence. Itachi sighed and asked Kisame if he'd ever paid attention to the layout of any cooking show. He went on to explain that one should measure out and separate the ingredients before starting to prevent rushing to combine ingredients in a state of unpreparedness. "If something is cooking on the stove you don't want to burn it because you didn't measure out your ingredients ahead of time. On top of that, if you're rushing through a step it leaves rooms for sloppy measurements which could throw off your entire dish."

Across from him, Kisame stood biting his bottom lip as if he wanted to contest the logic that was just presented to him but said nothing. Under the pressure of Itachi's prodding stare, he leaned against the stove and groaned "Why is cooking so hard…?"

Itachi crossed his arms over his chest. "I mean, if you want burnt crab cakes you don't have to prepare the ingredients." He said. When Kisame rolled his head back with a sigh he changed his approach. "I'm here to help. Let's take this one step at a time and make sure we have everything we need within reach, okay?"

At this, Kisame raised his head and gave Itachi an enthusiastic nod. Progress.

"I think the crackers are in with the potato chips you bought." Itachi offered. "They would be crushed in any other bag."

Together the two pulled the ingredients out of the grocery bags and set them on the counter, grouping them by step and measuring them out wherever they could. Kisame didn't have small bowls to measure out each individual ingredient but luckily they could combine most of them into larger bowls to be mixed together at a later step.

Once everything was grouped and measured out they set to work molding the crab meat into patties. Kisame removed his sweatshirt and threw it onto one of the living room couches while Itachi neatly rolled up his sleeves to wash his hands.

"Should I do that too?" Kisame asked as if the answer wasn't obvious. Itachi needed only to widen his eyes and Kisame trudged over to the sink.

"Move over kid." He said and thrust his hips against Itachi's except he miscalculated his own strength and knocked him off his footing slightly.

"Excuse you." Itachi joked and lightly kicked him in the shin.

"Fiesty!" Kisame exclaimed! "I've never seen this side of you before Itachi Uchiha!"

By this point Itachi's face was blossoming into a bright shade of pink. "You and I both." He mumbled and lowered his head in hopes that his bangs would hide his embarrassment from view. This kind of thing never happened when they studied together. Granted, there wasn't much room for roughhousing in the campus library and if this morning's soup incident was anything to go by, the cafeteria wasn't an appropriate setting for such behavior either. In a way, it was kind of exhilarating to just enjoy Kisame's company instead of drilling math equations or forcing him to consult a textbook of some sort. And to think it'd taken this long for them to casually hang out as friends…

Itachi continued to dwell on this revelation as the pair set to work crushing the crackers and dumping the cans of crab meat into a bowl. "There's still time." Itachi thought. It'd taken him a while to grow accustom to Kisame's company but there was still another year before Kisame graduated. They could still hang out and there wasn't a shred of doubt in his mind that they would.

"The next step," he said, bringing himself back to reality, "is to add the ingredients into the bowl with the crab juice." He slid his phone across the counter to where Kisame could see.

"Oh, you want me to do all the work then?" He asked in a light hearted tone that meant he wasn't annoyed.

"I'm teaching you how to cook aren't I? If I did all the work you wouldn't learn anything." Itachi shrugged. "I will help you where need be but I think you are capable of looking at the recipe to decipher which ingredients to mix."

"You're a hard ass Itachi, you know that."

Itachi offered him an unfazed shrug. "You should know by now what you're getting into when you enlist my help."

"Guess that makes me a masochist." He chuckled.

Itachi said nothing and leaned over the counter to look over the next step even though he already had it memorized. "Do you know how to fold mayonnaise, Kisame?"

"Of course I do." He said with a nod of confidence. "You line up the corners and fold it in half until it fits in the linen closet."

Itachi narrowed his eyes at him.

"I'm joking!" He laughed. "Don't look at me like that!"

Itachi softened his glare slightly. So he wasn't being a total smartass. "Do you know how to do it though?"

"Nope!" He declared all too proudly. "Teach me oh wise one!"

Itachi almost preferred drilling philosophical theories with him. At the rate they were going they might be finished by 9pm. He could only imagine what Deidara would have to say if he strolled in past dark when he and Kisame were only meant to be "studying" together. Nonetheless, he took a deep breath and went on to explain the concept of folding two dissimilar mixtures together to create one smooth one. When Kisame looked at him blankly, he demonstrated and passed the bowl and utensils in his direction. When Kisame poured too much of the mayonnaise mixture, Itachi hastily grabbed his arms to halt him and explained that it had to be done in increments. When he folded the crab meat mixture onto a bed of mayonnaise with the force of the Great Wave off Kanagawa resulting in a blood splattered stream of mayonnaise across his shirt and left bicep Itachi merely stared in wide eyed denial.

"Guess I don't know my own strength, huh Itachi?" Kisame smiled as he examined the damage.

Always smiling, even when things don't go his way. Itachi thought, still rendered speechless. Until Kisame stuck his tongue out to lick the stream of mayonnaise off his arm. "That has raw egg in it do you want to catch salmonella?!"

Kisame didn't move. He glanced at him, grinned and said "What? Raw eggs are good protein!" And darted his tongue out to taste the creamy mixture.

Itachi rubbed at his eyes in exasperation. "If you contract salmonella I am not taking you to the hospital, am I clear?"

"Crystal." Kisame said between slurps.

Itachi stood facing away from Kisame but listening to the lapping sounds all the while. "And that's unhygienic. I don't care if you eat that or not but I expect you to wash that arm before you continue."

"Roger that." He said and to Itachi's horror added, "Want some? There's plenty here!"

"You're impossible." Itachi whispered and rested his forehead against one of the nearest cabinets. "Immature and utterly impossible."

Once Kisame cleaned off his arm and dabbed the mayonnaise off his shirt he tried again while Itachi tried to explain the process to him. When he struggled Itachi overlaid his hands on top of Kisame's and instructed him to follow his movements.

"So it's all in the wrist, huh?" Kisame asked.

"Sure." He said, distracted by the fact that his fingers could not wrap around the back of Kisame's hand all the way, much less his wrist now that he was seeing it up close. And contrary to Deidara's assumption, Kisame's fingers were not the size of sausages. They were larger than Itachi's own fingers, yes, but given his size they were slender. He could not tell if they were rough and calloused as one might assume but as a swimmer they should be softer, right? "I think that's good enough." He said and abruptly pulled away to refocus on the task at hand. What was the point of all that just now besides following the recipe and teaching Kisame a new skill? He wasn't planning to return back to their room and proclaim that Kisame's fingers were not in fact, the size of sausages. What did it matter if he proved Deidara right or wrong? Did it matter if his fingers were soft or not in the grand scheme of things?

"What's the next step?" Kisame asked. Despite Itachi's claim that it was good enough Kisame continued to fold the mix. He appeared to be trying to produce the same results on his own without Itachi's guidance and seemed to be successful.

Itachi couldn't help but smile until Kisame looked his way. Then he remembered that he'd been asked a question that he hadn't answered and God, why was he falling apart today? "What's so funny?"

Think, Itachi, think. Deny, deny, deny! "I'm just impressed that you know how to be gentle." Was that good enough?

He looked away but despite that Itachi could tell he was smiling that crooked smile. Was he impressed with himself? Proud of this minor accomplishment? Or was it the rare compliment? "What can I say? I'm a man of many talents!"

Itachi quirked an unimpressed eyebrow. "Uh-huh. Sure." He said, unwilling to point out that he was making a mess and teasing fate just moments earlier. He unlocked his phone to glance at the recipe again. "We have to refrigerate the mix for at least one hour before we can continue."

Kisame pumped his fist in the air. "All right, sounds like refrigerate and chill, don't'cha think?"

What was he insinuating here? Itachi wondered.

His eyes must have expressed this exact thought as Kisame clarified "Like relaxing on the couch! Geez! Get your head out of the gutter!" He laughed.

Itachi shook his head. "It sounds like an excellent opportunity—"

"Really?"

"—to start on the dishes we've accumulated so far."

Kisame lowered his fist and slumped his shoulders. "Buzz kill." He muttered. "Don't you want to relax a little while we wait?"

"We only measured out and mixed the ingredients together!" Itachi protested lightly, feeling a sense of déjà vu from when he tutored Kisame in the library on philosophical concepts. He remembered arguing with him over the study plan Itachi had crafted only to argue with him again not twenty minutes later when the man insisted on a ten minute candy bar break.

"Do you do this at home when you're baking fresh cookies in the oven on a cold October afternoon? Instead of curling up under the covers on the couch with a fresh cup of hot chocolate appreciating the smell of warm cookies in the oven do you get your hands dirty doing dishes on the cold hardwood floor?"

It did sound nice. It sounded really nice actually. Kisame didn't know it but afternoons such as those were the reason Itachi favored the fall season above the rest. "While that does sound nice there's a difference between cookies baking in the oven and crab meat chilling in the fridge Kisame."

And just like that Kisame's smile deflated.

"Great use of sensory details though. You'd do well in fiction and poetry writing class." Itachi unbuttoned the cuffs of his dress shirt and rolled up his sleeves to his elbows. "You'll learn over time that the more complex a dish, the more dishes you're bound to accumulate. Your sink is already full with dishes from before and if we add more to it you'll only find yourself doing the dishes later anyways, won't you?"

The upperclassman scratched the back of his head. "I mean, I guess so, but you shouldn't have to do my roommates dishes."

He had a point. Although Itachi didn't want to make Kisame do all the work and intended to help with the dishes he incorrectly assumed that the sink would be free of dishes before he arrived. He had to remind himself that the agreement was last minute and that Kisame had just gotten out of class when he picked Itachi up to go to the grocery store. So there wasn't time to prepare before hand.

He glanced at the sink which was already half full and the assortment of bowls they'd used to measure out the ingredients in. "How about this?" He proposed. "You take care of the dishes and I'll wipe down the countertops. The sooner we get this done the sooner we can watch something on Netflix like you wanted to do while we wait out the refrigeration time. Deal?"

Before he could finish his sentence Kisame had turned the sink faucet pressure as high as it could go and was violently clanging plates and silverware together and throwing them into the dishwasher with reckless abandon. Intentionally or unintentionally, he neglected to put the crab mix into the fridge which was the only stipulation of the deal so Itachi resolved to take care of that for him. Until he opened the fridge to find that there wasn't any space available inside. "Kisame…" He grit out.

But Kisame did not hear him over the clatter in the sink.

"Kisame!" He shouted this time.

And like a well trained dog Kisame stopped what he was doing and bolted upright. His entire countenance drooped like the soft-serve on a hot summer's day. "Oh…" He said. Not a moment later he was by Itachi's side sifting through the fridge's contents. "The top shelf is Jinpachi's." He explained. "The middle shelf is mine so this can go, and this can go," he said as he handed Itachi various take out containers from the school cafeteria, "and the bottom shelf is Zabuza's."

And that is how Itachi found himself holding plastic grocery bag after plastic grocery bag whilst Kisame cleaned out the fridge in an attempt to make room for their massive bowl of crab dip. He did not lecture Kisame as he reminded himself that this arrangement was very spur of the moment and left no time for preparations, especially when Kisame wanted to keep the recipe a surprise.

"What do you usually watch on Netflix?" Itachi asked in an attempt to make conversation despite Kisame's riveting game of "how old do you think this is an will Jinpachi kill me if I throw it away?"

"Um…action movies, sitcoms, comedies, The Office…stuff like that." He pulled out a brown paper bag that was lying on its side and stained at the corners. He stuck his hand inside to procure a cloudy container with dark, murky contents. "What the actual fuck Zabuza…?"

As he continued to examine the container's contents, despite Itachi's protests not to open it, the clicking and turning of tumblers sounded behind them.

"What the fuck?!" A low voice growled. "Who's taking a shit with the door open? Fuck! Close that shit!" A muscular man with short hair exclaimed.

"It's your shit Zabuza!" Kisame called from the floor. "Do something about it!"

"What?!" Zabuza yelled despite the seven-foot distance between them. When his eyes landed on the container in Kisame's hand he put two and two together. "Yeah, burn that shit or bury it in the quad somewhere. Jesus! Why did you open that to begin with Kisame?"

"Why did you leave it in here to rot for someone else to find?" Kisame retorted.

Itachi heaved a long sigh. What was turning into a pleasurable experience was quickly turning into a headache. He knew there was a risk of running into at least one of Kisame's roommates but didn't think it would be so…noisy. He looked to Kisame who was scrambling to his feet and chasing Zabuza around with the container, ready to open it at a moment's notice. And then he looked to Zabuza who was performing unnecessary stunts such as barrel rolling over the side of the couch to evade him.

"Throw it the fuck away! Christ! It smells like a decomposing body!" He yelled. How he knew what a decomposing body smelled like was beyond Itachi but he knew better to question someone he'd only met for the second time.

It was then when Zabuza seemed to notice Itachi's presence, standing next to the fridge with a plastic bag, next to a counter with several tied plastic bags. He looked at Kisame. "Don't tell me your girlfriend's involved with whoever you just murdered Kisame."

"Itachi is not my girlfriend." Kisame grit out.

Zabuza glanced in Itachi's direction again. "Non-binary I take it? That's cool. My cousin's non-binary too."

Ordinarily, Itachi would have spoken on his own behalf but he was currently preoccupied by dark look overshadowing Kisame's features. His eyes were steely and penetrating. His mouth was a tight line and his square jaw tightly clenched. All of the good-natured fun from just seconds earlier vanished, leaving behind a very tense storm brewing in its wake.

He balled his fingers into a tight fist. "Zabuza…"

[A/N]: Someone on one of these platforms told me that all Itachi and Kisame do is study. Someone else told me they wanted sexual tension. I hope I delivered on all fronts. And thank you to those who have been binge reading in 2 days or less. That really warms my heart you don't even know!

Until next time - and hopefully that's soon but I make no promises,

Itachi's Husband