Good morning!
I can see there are a lot of questions about Gillian, obviously, but I also see a lot of interest for the way Cal is acting and reacting. Well, maybe this chapter will give you a little insights, although I must say reading your wonderful review it seems to me you're pretty much on the same page.
Mary, this one is for you and I'm sure you will understand why…
It didn't take long for rumours to spread, conjectures to run wild.
Cal hadn't told Torres to keep her mouth shut about Foster's accident. How could he? Even before things went south he'd imagined Gillian would have come to work bearing signs of her minor injuries and everybody would have known. In the end, it wasn't really a big deal, accidents happened; but then he had gone so mysterious and probing about it, asking Torres to get the security footage, and questions had started.
And then, 2 days after the accident, Gillian was still not back to work. She wasn't coming in, sporting a bruise and soft cast with that unique ability she had to still look good and graceful no matter what, maybe smiling with a touch a shame at people's. She wasn't answering her phone or replyign to email either, not to the first few ones employees had tentatively sent in the early hours.
Eventually, probably too late but then again there was no good timing for something like that, Cal had put a stop to that by telling everybody that Dr Foster was taking some time off and she was not to be disturbed.
The information didn't help in placating the speculations, but then again it wasn't supposed to. It wasn't even an information, more like an order really, leaving them all the more confused. Why would Foster take time off? Were her injuries more serious than what had transpired? Probable, but breakup or not, it was nearly impossible to think that Lightman wouldn't be all over if she was badly hurt or still in hospital: but the male boss was coming to the office everyday, working and carrying the load of his missing partner. Had they had another fight, something that couldn't be fixed with the turning point gesture of changing the name of the company? Maybe, but even if, like most of their fights, that hypothetical new one had happened behind closed doors and away from indiscreet eyes and ears they weren't really as good as they used to be in hiding the aftermath.
There clearly must have been something else, something big going on behind the scene, but obviously they were not privy to it. They weren't going to ask Lightman, might as well be talking to a wall, and as much as Torres and Loker had an itch about it they were not going to dig into it either. When instructing the staff not to bother Foster, it had been clear to all that even though he might have been the one sharing it with them the directive came from the female boss herself, and that was enough.
Cal didn't care much why they did it, as long as they respected the given direction. It was easier for everybody, especially for him. He would come into work, do his thing and try, badly, to do hers as well to compensate for her absence. When he wasn't in the cube, out and about on a case or in the lab, he was locked up in his office with precise instructions not to bother him for any reason if the door was closed. He was well aware that that fuelled speculations even more, and he couldn't care less.
Still, after two days of working himself silly, having a stiff glass of scotch before going home and using that boost to pretend with Emily that everything was ok, someone seemed to have forgotten the golden rule. It had been so long since someone had actually knocked on his door that for a moment Cal didn't even recognise the sound, and even when he did he decided to ignore it. Sure, the only exception to the 'don't bother me' rule was if someone was dying, but he hardly doubted it might have been the case. Still, the knocking continued, with an increasing intensity and pace suggesting that nobody from the staff was behind it.
Unless of course they had a death wish.
"Go away!" Cal shouted, hastily closing the laptop with a snapping sound, fighting the urge to throw it at the door. "I said don't bother me when I'm in here!"
The knocking paused, but then started again albeit a bit more controlled.
Cal was fuming, literally about to explode. He was doing what he could, he was coming into work and keeping things going, he was taking care of Emily whilst also having to face her questioning of the matter occasionally coming back with a vengeance…and he was going against his very own nature by not gatecrashing the place where Gillian was hiding. All he asked in return was to be left alone every once in a while to-
"Bloody hell!" He yelled again when the knocking resumed, then he stood up and paced to the door furiously. "What part of don't knock on the door you don't understand?!"
The woman standing in front of him jumped back half a foot when he swung the door open, yelling in her face and loud enough for anybody within a 10 feet radius to hear. Cal mildly registered the fact that he had no clue who she was, then looked around and glared at every single one of his employees within sight, silently calling them all cowards. They should have known better to warn his visitor that knocking on his door was a big no-no, and clearly none of them had even considered taking it upon themselves to make the introduction.
The consideration didn't ease Cal's mood in the slightest, if anything it made it worse, and he didn't exactly feel bad for taking it out on the strangers.
"Who are you?" He asked, charging his question and gaze with all the hostility he could muster.
"Uh, I-" The woman gulped nervously as she looked around, possibly wondering why nobody had given her a heads-up. "I'm Dr Scully, from Sac-"
Before she could understand what was going on, Dr Scully felt the man's hand grab her arm and pull her into him, moving aside quickly to turn the move into a push as he not so delicately shoved her inside his office. She turned around, confused and suddenly very nervous, just in time to add scared to the mix when the bearded man shut the door closed behind him and paced towards her.
"What do you want?"
"Dr Lightman, I'm Dr-"
"Scully from the Sacred Heart Hospital. Yeah, you said that."
Actually I didn't. She thought. You cut me off before I could finish.
"Yes, and uh- I'm Dr Foster's therapist, at the incare patient facility."
Cal's jaw clenched, although he had already figured out as much already. He backed off, a million things running through his head as his eyes lingered on the discarded laptop on the couch. Then he glanced at the woman briefly and walked over to his desk, to put distance between them more than anything else. Dr Scully looked to be in her 60s, silver air cut short, and Cal registered that she was recovering quickly enough from his approach. Once at his desk, Cal poured himself a glass and sat down, not giving any sign to be interested in continuing the conversation unless she did so first.
Not really sure what to make of her situation, thinking really that after her last clarification the ball was on his court, Dr Scully looked around the room. Cal watched her, seeing the familiar pattern of expressions usually rolling on people's faces the first time they saw his office. Curiosity was always first, then maybe some neutral considerations on the decor and overall look, usually depending on personal tastes, then confusion and a big worried frown at the images of facial expressions on the walls. Then, depending on the personal or professional disposition of the observer, it all either vanished in indifference, turned into troublesome considerations about the man occupying the office, or a strange expression of understanding and picked interest lingered on people's faces. Dr Scully was a number three option, and Cal wasn't surprised. She was in the same line of business, somehow, and she had been talking to Gillian.
"You're not gonna ask me how she is?" The therapist enquired then, caving first in that silent staring contest.
"Pretty sure you're not supposed to tell me. Or anybody else, for that matter," Cal quipped.
"Doesn't mean you're not interested. I- Sorry, may I?" She motioned at one of the chairs in front of his desk and Cal shrugged a yes, so she sat down. "I'm pretty sure you are."
Cal held her gaze, something in between annoyed and upset. Normally he liked that, playing with strangers, but he knew that in this case the confrontation wasn't about the two of them. And he wasn't going to play games with Gillian, not on something like that.
"Be that as it may," he said eventually, "last I checked I wasn't on the need to know list as far as Gillian is concerned."
Dr Scully nodded absently, but then seemed to think about it and shook her head.
"What if I told you I can change all that?"
"Not exactly my specialty but I'm confident that what you are proposing is highly unethical."
"So is not helping a patient to the best of my abilities, and letting them harm themselves." She definitely got his attention with that, too much even, and she had to rush with further explanations. "Nothing like that, Dr Lightman. But-" She stopped and sighed, showing Cal all her internal struggle: she had Gilian's interests in mind, but knew that in order to work towards that she might have to go against her own patient's wishes. "Do you know why Gillian checked herself in our facility?"
Cal stifled a moan behind his sealed hips, his heart suddenly pounding. Externally he showed nothing, certainly nothing someone with no training could see, but inside he was screaming to himself. Yes, he did. Well no, he guessed but he was pretty confident he wasn't that far off in his assumptions.
"Last I spoke with her it was the day of, here at the office. When I got to the hospital she was sleeping and I didn't want to bother her." He joined his hands on his lap, staring her down. "When I went back to see her she was already moved up with you and I had been blacklisted."
"That's a lot of words for a yes or no question." Dr Scully noted. "One you haven't answered, by the way."
Despite everything, Cal grinned. It was stupid, but he missed having someone to spar with.
"Gillian knows how to look after herself. And she's a psychologist, which means she can probably do that better than most people."
"Including yourself, judging by how much you are avoiding the question."
"Listen, Doc." Cal huffed and pulled up, leaning forward on the desk. "She's my friend, she's hurt and she's working through something. She made it clear she doesn't want me to be part of this and I am respecting her wishes."
"She's also your business partner," the woman insisted. "And your ex."
Cal was taken aback by that, partly because it was the first time that he heard anybody referring to Gillian in that way, and partly because that implied a very specific thing.
"She-" Cal hated that, hated to hear his own voice so shaky all of a sudden, coming undone so easily for just one sentence after days of keeping his defences strong. "She's talking about me?"
"That's why I am here, Dr Lightman," the woman explained gently. She had expected to finally get a reaction out of him with that, but not something like that. "Because to be honest, it's not clear to me yet why Gillian decided to seek help. You're right, she's working through something but she hasn't told me what exactly. And I can't really help her if she doesn't." Cal understood all that, he really did, but he also kept looking at her, waiting, because she too was taking the long way around answering his question. "Yes, she talks about you a lot. About her work here with you, about you-"
"I really shouldn't be hearing this, Dr Scully." Cal cut her off, leaning back again and needing to create space between them.
"I know, and I shouldn't be here asking you to disregard Gillian's request." She was serious, in a way that Cal didn't like. "We're having two solo sessions a day, plus group therapy-"
"It's only been two days."
"Yes, two too many for someone claiming they need mental health care and not sharing anything about the reasons why. All I know is that she was in a car accident, and even considering some possible PTSD I have the faintest idea why she's admitted herself. Gillian is a psychologist, like you said, and she should know better that there is no fixing a problem if one doesn't know what the problem is."
"So you're thinking I must be the problem?" Cal inquired, bracing himself for an answer he wasn't going to like. "Because all she talks about is me?"
"I didn't say that," Dr Scully clarified. "But she does talk about you and I'm starting to think that that is the only way I have to get through to her."
Cal was starting to think that must have been some sick joke, even considering that Gillian was putting the therapist up to it just to spite him for some reason. But Gillian wasn't that kind of person, no matter what she was going through, and Cal felt ashamed of himself for even thinking something like that. He was also human, and for the past two days he had spent every waking moment actively trying to suppress the clear scenario that had been living rent free in his head since he had seen the place of the accident.
And that was why he couldn't do it. Whatever she was asking or implying, he couldn't do it: not to Gillian, and not to himself.
"I'm afraid you're gonna have to find another way," he said then in a low voice. "If she talks about me I'm sure Gillian might have mentioned I have a tendency to disregard people's personal boundaries - Who knows, maybe she even mentioned the line - but not this time. She asked-" Cal stopped, retraced his steps and revised his words. "She doesn't want to see me, me specifically. And I'm not saying no to whatever you have in mind because I resent her for this. I am saying no to your request because I respect what Gillian wants."
"Even if it's not helping her, this keeping you away?" Dr Scully leaned in a little. "Even if it's making things worse?"
Worse for who? Cal thought. Because there was a third option, another reason why he didn't want to force Gillian's hand on that: he didn't want to confront her only to find out he was the reason Dr Scully had failed to identify.
"Gillian can be stubborn, and like anybody else in the medical field a bit shortsighted when it comes to her problems," he said then, remembering all the times he had seen her ignoring the clear lies of her ex-husband. Then he stood up, hands in his pockets, walking toward the door with the clear intention to dismiss her. "Whatever it is, she's reaching out for help and that's what matters. First step to solving a problem and all that, right?" He didn't watch whether she was following or not, but got to the door and opened it. "Give her time, she knows better. She'll get there when she's ready."
Dr Scully eventually stood up, short of pushing her out of the door in a similar fashion as the way he had pulled her inside in the first place he couldn't have been more clear. Still, when she stood by the door he was keeping open for her, she stopped and looked at him.
"What are you afraid of, Dr Lightman?" She asked, not as a provocation but with that psycho babbling tone he knew all too well. "To find out your are the problem or the solution?"
It was so much easier to let go, to let things show when facing people who didn't know what to do with it. Cal knew what his face was doing, flashing fear and sadness and anger: fear because he had been exposed, sadness because either way there was nothing to rejoice in the answer and anger because this woman who didn't even know him, no matter how much Gillian might have told her, dared to come to him asking him to do the one thing he had vowed not to do anymore with little regards for the consequences.
"She doesn't want to see me," he hissed then. "That might not mean much to you but I know what it does to the both of us when I disregard her needs, and I'm not taking that risk again."
"Dr Lightman, if-"
"But," he cut her off, biting at his bottom lip, unconsciously trying to stop himself from finishing the sentence, "But you might want to try something else."
What do you think of this unconventional doctor? Is she right about some things?
Well, next chapter is another flashback…actually a flashback of a flashback, if you know what I mean…