[A/N]: Ahem. I started this chapter at maybe 6pm after reading a really sweet review (of course it helps when you're rewriting a pre-existing chapter). Took a two hour break and am coming in at 11:45. Not too shabby if I do say so myself. Did I edit it? Nope! Review it? Nope! We're going with this as is! *fingers crossed*
Note that this is not just a rewrite of chapter 27. Within this chapter you will (hopefully) glean why Kisame likes Itachi and what about him he likes. I've tried to add some depth to Kisame's stereotypical jock character and you can expect a glimpse as to where the plot is heading next by getting a look into Kisame's inner thoughts. Enjoyyyyy!
The bathroom's tiny; I'll start there. Half of it is the shower/bath combo which has a yellowish tinge around the bottom from almost a year's worth of dirt being washed down the drain. I'm actually kinda surprised it got so dirty since we're all swimmers. Shouldn't the chlorine kill all that dirt when we hit the pool? I dunno.
The toilet looks the same way. Same dark brown ring lining the toilet water because everyone's too lazy to give a damn about it. Sink? Pretty much the same. Fossilized toothpaste fusing to the bowl and gumming up the drain. Little spots sprinkle the mirror cuz I guess none of us grew up and realized we weren't fire breathing dragons when we spewed our toothpaste into the sink when we were done.
I think about sitting on the floor and think better of it. It's probably sticky with piss anyways. So instead I walk up to the mirror like the defeated main character does in the movie and look at my reflection in the mirror.
If Itachi liked me, what would he see in me? My dark messy hair? I know some people really dig that look but Itachi's hair is always so neatly combed into place that he doesn't strike me as the type. Golden eyes that match the color of my skin when I'm basking in the summer sun? I personally have never liked my eye color. Gold is such a weird eye color. I couldn't have been born with dark brown eyes the color of hot chocolate or maybe green mischievous eyes? Blue eyes would be a vibe but God couldn't play all his good cards just sayin'.
Would Itachi ever reach up and run his hand along my square, masculine jawline as we looked into each other's eyes? The thought sends electricity down my spine but vanishes as quickly as it came. Itachi wouldn't want me. I'm a narcissist like every other athlete who thinks too highly of themselves. Confidence is one thing but vanity is another and I hate myself for it. I jerk away from the mirror and brace myself on the edge of the bathtub. I rock back and forth to release the anger that's surging through me, trying to calm down with as little commotion as possible so Itachi doesn't hear.
What's wrong with me tonight? Why can't I get my shit together and just talk to him like we always do? Why can't I pretend that we're sitting down for lunch together? I mean, for God's sake I snorted soup all over him earlier and he still wants to hang out with me so what am I so afraid of?
I stretch against the bathtub, doing little lunges back and forth before doing a few push ups to work out my upper body too. Zabuza will be back in less than two hours and pretty soon I'll have to focus to help Itachi finish the recipe. I've got one hour to just talk to him and I'm spending it pissing myself in the bathroom.
I pick up the pace, pumping the muscles in my arms quicker and quicker until I can feel my heart racing. I've never known how to cope with my feelings outside of sports before so there's no use in stopping now. I'll get through this on pure adrenaline. I'll make this work. I'll make it happen.
An eternity later I come out of the bathroom and announce "I'm like a new man!" Itachi jumps (cute) and I'm relieved that he hasn't jumped ship since I disappeared.
"Are you feeling okay?" He asks, unsure of what to make of my transformation.
"Like a million bucks my friend!" I shout but on the inside I'm crying I wanna crawl under my covers and die.
"So…what did you want to talk about earlier?"
Without thinking I wrap my arms around him from behind. "I just wanted to say I'm going to miss you this summer! That's all" I say and ruffle his hair. I know I'm being a dork but I can't help it. Adrenaline is the drug that pumps me up and makes me forget about my shortcomings and failures, both socially and academically. I don't expect push-ups done against the bathtub to carry me through the rest of the night but I hope I can at least smooth over the awkwardness of the last half an hour.
"Get off me you psychomaniac." He jokes dryly, repeating my earlier words as he struggles against my death grip. And that's when I know everything is going to be okay. If Itachi – the guy who reads the textbook from cover to cover in his spare time – is making jokes then I know I'm in good standing. Or so I think. "What's gotten into you today? You're awfully touchy and spacing out a lot."
Whelp. Time to abort the mission. I let go of him and bounce over to the fridge like I don't have a care in the world, completely bs'ing how fine I actually feel. To really sell it, I start whistling. One could say this is a form of gaslighting but I'm not trying to make Itachi feel like he's imagining things. I'm not trying to avoid his questions – okay, I am actively trying to avoid his questions but that's because he doesn't really want to know how I feel. It's better for me this way and he doesn't know this but it's better for him this way too.
"Did something happen that I'm unaware of?"
When people press issues it's usually a sign that they care about you. Caring can be a sign of romantic attraction or it could mean they're just friends with you. I think, steering this car back onto the freeway. I'm not ready to jump on the exit ramp yet and pull a can of soda from the fridge. If anything I'm trying to gaslight myself into believing there's nothing between Itachi and I and that it's all in my head. I'll take any distraction, even if it's the tingly sensation of soda coursing down my throat. "Sorry about that. Want something to drink?" I ask when I've downed half the can.
"Water's fine, thank you." He sighs.
Someone who had feelings for Itachi would kindly hand it to him but since I do NOT have feelings for Itachi I will playfully toss it to him like I would with one of the guys. Okay, to be honest I kinda hurled it at him but to his credit he catches it above his head while barely breaking eye contact and motions for me to take a seat on the barstool next to him. "There's something you're not telling me tonight."
Shit. Is my first thought. My second thought is "I wonder how similar you and your mother are because you definitely got some 'don't fuck with me' mom energy." But I wisely keep my mouth shut on that one. If I was a wild stallion before Itachi has captured me and tied me to a fence with his unwavering determination to figure out why I'm acting to strange.
Coming down from my adrenaline high, I start to fidget with my eyes and start with "You know how you've been cranky all day because you didn't get any sleep last night?"
I know he's had enough of my bullshit when he says "Just answer the question please." The please is a courtesy and a warning all at the same time. The moment he drops the formalities is when I'll know I've pissed him off.
I do what he asks and sit beside him. I turn on the old charm to throw him off my scent and flash him a gentle smile. "Well I guess you could say lack of sleep has made me a bit hyper. That's all!"
His eyes soften slightly as though he wasn't expecting that. Like me, maybe he's trapped in his mind and trying to protect his own inner child. The inner child that's been chewed up and spit out by the world like mine was. Maybe him and I aren't so different after all. Maybe we're two sides of the same coin.
"Okay…" He processes out loud which is so un-Itachi-like that I have to try really hard to hide my smile. "But what did you want to tell me earlier? One minute you were so dead set on watching Netflix on the couch and the next you wanted to just talk." He says, air quoting 'just talk.' "But I still haven't figured out what it is you really wanted to talk about."
You're so damn cute and I'm 100% sure you don't even know it. I think to myself. You're one of the smartest – if not the smartest – person I know and you're trying so hard to figure out why I'm acting like a total idiot around you. You're still so young and naïve with inexperience that you don't know when someone is in love with you even when it's staring you in the face.
"It seems like you're dancing around what's really been on your mind all night." He finishes.
I suck my lips inwards to keep from smiling when he finally looks at me. There's no good way to answer his question because there's not just one answer. I wanted to do something chill like watch Netflix but I can do that over the summer. I can't talk to you like this over the summer as easily as I can (or usually do) now. I'm so smitten with you that I want to put it into words but I can't because I don't know that you'll return my feelings and I'm frustrated with myself for acting like such a dumbass in front of someone so put together.
As I'm mulling over what to say, Itachi breaks eye contact, losing himself in his own little world while he waits for me to speak. I used to think he was this emotionless robot first semester but in reality he's not very good at hiding how he actually feels. At one point, his cheeks redden and he looks almost ashamed and I'd give anything to know what he's thinking, what's he's feeling but I keep my mouth shut. "It's stupid really." I settle for. Because given the weight of everything else it is.
"Just tell me."
I sigh. "I'm just bummed that the semester is ending."
He looks irritated with me again. For real though, does he know that I like him? Is he waiting for me to tell him how I really feel? Given his track record he should be the one telling me if he's decided to play for the other team. Until then I can only silently cheer him on from the stands. "Okay…?"
"Because…" here we go, "as stupid as this is gonna sound it took all semester to get to know you and now we're doing something other than studying and having a great time only to go back home for three months for summer break." I breathe.
My explanation, as bat-shit crazy as it seems, appears to satisfy him. His jaw relaxes and his shoulders slump. He looks almost hurt and I'm starting to believe that maybe he does have feelings for me but come on man, that's really fucked up. I mean, IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME but you can't expect me to admit to something like that after everything that's happened last month.
But maybe this is my chance? To press the boundaries and get a better read on him? "I know things started off kinda weird. I sort of bribed you into helping me study and then shit hit the fan in your personal life and I know I was probably the last person you wanted to share all that with but I'm glad you did because I think it helped us become more like friends and less like friends with study benefits, you know?" Study benefits, I inwardly chuckle. If he doesn't get mad at that I'll have to use it more often.
"Yeah…"
It must be Bones Day because he completely ignored my stupid play on words. "Anyways, enough of that. I'm gonna work on the dishes. Don't worry though; I'll wait to wash Zabuza's crap down the sink til he gets back. Lord knows the stench of Zabuza's secrets will be enough to fumigate the place and I want him to be here when I do it!" I cackle, trying to break the tension that's settled over the room like a dense morning fog.
I start on the dishes as Itachi sits silently behind me. I don't hear the screech of the barstool or the shuffling of his bag and wonder what he's thinking about. Perhaps my words struck a nerve and he's thinking about what to say next. Maybe he's thinking of taking me up on my offer and visiting me at the boardwalk this summer? If that happens I'll definitely buy him a tube of sunscreen and throw in a free offer to lather him up myself – okay, that sounded dirtier than I meant it to be. I probably won't say that if he visits. If I did, his first visit would surely be his last.
"We'll spend plenty of time together drilling linear regression charts in preparation for your stats final next month, don't worry." He finally says which wasn't exactly what I was expecting but it's so Itachi that I can't imagine him saying anything different.
"I'd expect nothing less." I mumble. Just like that, things are back to normal. Itachi's making jokes about statistics and things aren't awkward anymore. Or so I thought when he starts talking about baking soda.
"Do I have what? Baking soda? Probably not…"
He goes on to explain how baking soda is good for sucking up odors and it finally clicks that he's talking about the stench of Zabuza's secrets from earlier. Anyone else would find it awkward, but I know that's Itachi's way of showing he cares. He's someone who likes to focus on the practical, less on the sentimental. "That's good to know."
After a moment of silence he continues to give me advice about baking soda like a parent who wants to spend more time with their adult children but doesn't know how without overstaying their welcome. "Keep talking." I encourage him, curious to see where this line of conversation will go now that he isn't talking about statistics of homework for once. "I like hearing you talk about things." Is that weird? Too personal? Maybe I should throw in a joke to lighten up the mood. "Especially since I've been suffering from verbal diarrhea all night!"
"I'm not…" He begins but the rest of the sentence disintegrates like a moth that flew too close to the fire.
I admire his efforts as he tries to talk about something other than studying for once. I think he's trying to put my mind at ease about this summer but I can tell he's out of his comfort zone. I don't know what he's trying to say but I offer him encouragement nonetheless. "You'll be fine. Just talk about anything. I won't judge."
And just like that, we start to find our groove again. It starts off shaky with Itachi telling me about his summer plans to work as a part-time librarian and it feels like we're making progress here. Itachi isn't normally the type to volunteer information about himself, his dreams, or even his feelings. He doesn't seem to care for small talk all that much and I don't think most people have gotten close enough to break down the walls he puts up. So I feel kinda special when he shares this tiny piece of knowledge with me. Not saying I'd make time to drive up to meet him at the library but who knows? Maybe I'll pick up a new hobby this summer.
From there, Itachi asks about how I got started with the surf shack and I tell him everything: from the time Suikazan left his lunchbox at home on his kitchen counter and gave me a twenty to buy him something from the board walk to the time when I helped myself to the backstock when he was busy on register during lunch rush and everything in between. "With the rate I'm going I could be an owner if I wanted to. But let's see where this degree takes me first." I wink, hoping to win brownie points by thinking practically for once.
"A commendable idea." Itachi tells me while raising his bottle in a toast like that DiCaprio meme.
"Commendable? Talk dirty to me!" I laughed. "I've never heard you call anything of mine 'commendable' before so this is a first!"
The comment was so stupid that Itachi's face spasmed into an expression of 'what the fuck' before the laughter came dribbling out, slowly and then all at once. What started as a quiet chuckle turned into a strained wheezing that turned his face completely red and I lost it. I cracked up laughing so hard that I was doubled over holding onto the edge of the countertop watching teardrops fall to the floor I'd never seen Itachi laugh so hard in all this time.
As we started to collect ourselves I couldn't help but think of what could be if he came down to the boardwalk. He'd fall in love with it too, I was sure. I'd take him to the far edges of the boardwalk to the rocks most tourists never discovered. I'd buy him the best foods and watch his eyes widen when he realized how good it all tasted. Hell, I would set a damn alarm every thirty minutes to make sure he reapplied his sunscreen if I had to. Sure it was hard to picture. Itachi came to class wearing a button up and slacks every day. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't see him walking the boardwalk in sandals, a pair of trunks and a loose fitting tank top and shades. Well, I could but I quickly snuffed the image out before it caused any unwanted problems to arise down below…
A little while later, as we were elbow deep in crab meat once again, Itachi randomly asked "Would you say that your head is filled with dreams of the beach?"
The answer came easily. "Sure." The rolling waves in the background, the warm sun coloring your cheeks a rosy shade of pink as you drone on about some podcast you listened to on the way down here. "Among other things." I added and after a moment of thought, tacked on "For one, I think about statistics all the time."
Itachi scoffed. "Like I'm going to believe that."
I know we had talked about the beach a few times before but why was he bringing it up again? Was he seriously considering coming down to the boardwalk sometime this summer to visit me? Had I convinced him to join me on the dark side? "Why do you ask?"
"Deidara was working on a self-portrait/collage earlier." He says.
Here's the thing about Deidara: I like the kid. He's young and free and just trying to live his best life. I can commend him for that. A little bit impulsive but hey, we've all been there before. Love makes you do stupid things and had he not kissed Itachi and stumbled over that land mine I probably would have made the same mistake.
I was surprised but at the same time I wasn't. I thought Itachi was queer the moment I laid eyes on him in philosophy class last semester. I took my shot and was in shock when he (the good looking freshman with brains to match) would take a chance on someone like me (the burn-out that didn't really have a plan).
It didn't take long for me to figure out that Itachi was a bit hot-tempered. I dunno if I was just that annoying or Deidara never noticed before but I guess I was shocked that he blew up on Deidara like that. Shocked but not really. Selfishly relieved that nothing came of the pair. Stunned by how long Itachi has kept up this "I'm not homosexual" act but hey, it's really none of my business. He'll come out when he's ready. But damn. How long is that gonna be?
Anyways, I don't mind Deidara. I don't really know the kid but I don't have a problem with him either. My thing is this: now that Itachi and Deidara have been trying to repair their relationship will anything more come of it than a simple truce?
"From afar," Itachi continues, and I'm surprised he took such an interest in any of Deidara's projects when he once considered them "an annoyance." "it looks like a self-portrait but as you get closer you realize it's a collage portraying the components that make up Deidara's person. For example, the pictures that make up his hair are all clear sunny days because his head is always in the clouds. If that makes sense."
Not where I thought that was going but it's funny all the same. "This is gonna sound bad but I thought it was because he was an airhead."
"I thought the same thing myself." Itachi whispers and once again we're both doubled over laughing our asses off.
You see, one of the things I like about Itachi is his sense of honor, I guess. He gets mad about petty things but like the rest of us he's human and recognizes when he's fucked up and sets out to make it right again. I admire that about him.
Going so far as to drop everything to pick Deidara up from a party is committed. I don't think I could find it in me to do the same for one of my roommates. "You got yourself into this mess, you can get yourself out." That kind of thing. Of course, it's a good thing we showed up because of the whole allergy to alcohol thing (which still has me shook not gonna lie who the hell knows about that kind of thing?) but you would have thought that there was something more between them then just a patched up friendship.
"So you think my head is filled with dreams of the ocean or do you think I'm calm, cool and collected?" I ask, trying to remain present in the current conversation while feeling out where I stand in Itachi's mind.
I like this. I like that we're hanging out and I like that Itachi feels comfortable enough to let himself laugh and be human in front of me but when it comes to making conversation, the topic always seems to find its way to something related to Deidara or what Deidara's up to.
Itachi thinks about this for a moment which is a good sign because it means he's putting thought into his answer. Or a bad sign if he can't think of anything more than "You just spent the last hour talking about the beach and I know you don't think about statistics as often as you say you do."
"Both." He finally settles on. "Which actually serves as an excellent metaphor for one's state of mind."
God you're so damn sexy when you talk like that. I find myself thinking. No one. I mean absolutely no one, not a single soul, has ever made a metaphorical connection between my love of the ocean to the human state of mind. I don't know what he's even going to say next and I'm head over heels, mind turned completely to mush. If he so much as touched me right now I would 100% guarantee you I'd melt into a giant puddle.
"The ocean is calm most of the time until a storm brews much like some humans have a naturally calm disposition until something stressful happens."
I can see it. In bold white letters on a black shirt. "Calm until I'm not." I say aloud. "I like the way you think, Uchiha! I might see if I can get that made into a shirt actually." Which actually isn't a bad idea.
I catch Itachi smiling and for the briefest moment we lock eyes with one another. Itachi would probably say that his eyes are a deep shade of brown but I'm convinced that they're black. Which suits him because they stand out against his pale skin and draw you in like a black hole. You don't realize you're being sucked in until it's too late or until the black hole closes in on itself or whatever and he looks away, embarrassed, and starts fiddling with his hair.
But sometimes, when we're eating lunch together, I stare into those deep eyes. Because to everyone else they look like solid black orbs reflecting the world around them. But I know that if I get close enough I could see past the inky black depths and witness a cluster of ideas shining like stars and worlds of emotions he doesn't show to anyone else. It's all there, just waiting to be discovered by someone brave enough to take the first step into the unknown.
"A galaxy."
"I'm sorry?" He asks, looking up to meet my gaze with those dark, soulful eyes.
He never asked me what I thought his head would be filled with but I don't give a damn. I want him to feel just as seen as he's made me feel this evening because I know there's more to him than just mathematic formulas and memorized facts. "Your mind is brilliant, complex, and vast. If I had to paint a portrait of you I'd fill your head with a galaxy."
Boom. Mic drop.
[A/N]: And there you have it folks! That concludes the bonus rewrite I promised you back in July; cooking with Kisame will resume next chapter and it will revert back to Itachi's 3rd person limited point of view. I can't say that I won't write another Kisame pov chapter in the future because I think there is some merit to getting a glimpse into his head so look-out world!
Also - I think I'm going to cut the chapter lengths in half going forward. Reaching for 4,000 to 5,000 words a chapter feels like I'm stretching it and I might be able to update more quickly if the chapters were shorter.
Please leave a review (a tip for busting this out so quickly if you will lol) and I hope to see you in November!