Hello hello!
So we had a little peek at how it might have started, but also about a little Emily storming between Cal and Gillian in her own charming way.
How could this factor in the present?
It was a nice feeling, something he could almost convince himself was doing him some good. He was sprawled down on the driver seat, hands on his lap, head resting on the closed window, eyes closed and basking in the sun. The hot plasma star had no business being that shiny and warm in February, and as much as his environmentally conscious mind wanted to worry about global warming Cal had no qualms about it. Outside it was chilly, but with the warmth of the sun coming through the closed windows it was nearly impossible to tell, and Cal was more than happy to have that comfortable cocoon for his wait.
Time seemed to stop for him inside the car, wrapped as he was by the toasty comfort and silence of the enclosed space. A couple of times he had thought about getting out, walking inside the hospital to get himself some tea and then get back, but he had brushed off the thought. Truth was, part of him was certain that that was his first moment of peace in days - a peace coming from avoiding his problems but nevertheless peace - and he didn't want to do anything to jeopardise the delicate equilibrium.
He didn't know for sure how much time had passed and didn't care to find out, even though he had plenty of ways to check. He had told her to take her time, and in a way he thought the longer it took the better. Only later, when Emily walked out of the hospital and headed towards him, still parked in the very same spot where he had dropped her off, Cal bothered to glance at his phone and realise she had been gone for nearly two hours.
"All good?" He asked when she got in.
"Yeah, sort of," Emily mumbled in response, chewing at her bottom lip as she sulked in the passenger's seat.
"Alright then," he huffed, then immediately motioned to go for the key in the ignition and turn on the engine.
"Woa, hold on a minute Dad!" She reached out with her hands, blocking him before he could complete the gesture. "Shouldn't we…talk about it?"
Cal sighed and shook his head, thinking the bubble had definitely been burst.
"I don't think you can, Em," he smirked then, trying to make it sound a bit funny, but his daughter clearly wasn't in the mood.
"Maybe so Dad, but aren't you at least going to ask?"
"Em, I'm pretty sure that being blacklisted from visitation also entails not asking about how Gillian's is doing."
"But Dad-"
"Cut it, Em, ok?" Cal sighed, he never liked assuming that kind of tone with her, but even less he liked being put in the situation and state of mind to use it. So he immediately reached out for her and took a deep breath, making sure she would look at him. "Listen love, if Gillian's therapist is ok with disregarding what she wants and violating her ethical duties that's her problem. I'm not gonna do that, and as someone with a certain degree of knowledge about this sort of stuff believe me, Em, you don't want to do that either."
Emily swallowed hard, her father's words and gaze impacting her more than what he had expected. Could it really be that easy? Was leaving Gillian to herself as she asked truly the best thing to do for her? Maybe it was because growing up with a human lie detector as a father she had never really been able to keep things that bothered her to herself, but she had come to think that when people tell you they want to be left alone they don't entirely mean it.
"She's lonely, Dad," Emily sighed then, understanding the boundaries that he was setting but still wanting to share something. "She's still Gillian, just…lonely."
"She probably knows that too, love. That's why she's in there." Liar! "She's looking after herself, that's what matters."
"I know that Dad, if anybody would know better it's Gillian." There you go! He smiled, hoping that agreement meant that they could get past a point he was quite frankly tired to make. "I just think…maybe this time she doesn't? I mean, maybe a little push is what she needs and you're the only one who can do it the right way. I'm sure she doesn't really expect you to stay away forever-"
"Did she ask?" He cut her off gently, not with the hopeful tone of someone who wanted a positive answer but more like someone who already knew a negative reply was in the cards. "Did she mention me, at all?" Emily didn't speak, she knew she didn't have to, but simply looked down and let him do his thing. Then Cal reached out with a hand to the back of her head and pulled her closer, kissing her forehead. "That's your answer there, love."
He waited for a while, waiting to see if she had one more attempt in her, then let go when he felt her pull away. Cal gave her a quick glance, seeing the sadness and discomfort but coming to terms with the fact that he couldn't fix all of that at once, then started the car and drove off.
The day after, day 5 since Gillian had checked herself in, Cal received a call from a number he didn't know. Well, he didn't know the number but for some reason he recognised the area code at the beginning, and that's why he let it ring and didn't respond the first time. He didn't pick up the second and third one either, earning himself an annoyed look by Emily who kept throwing questioning glances at him from the kitchen every time the phone rang and he ignored it.
It was Saturday and they were home, Emily studying and Cal pretending he was working on something. He was really just happy that he didn't have to go to work for a couple of days, facing the questioning looks of his employees at every turn, and if he was right about the source of the call the last thing he needed was to speak with the person on the other side of the line. Things had been a little weird with Emily after her visit to Gillian; his daughter clearly just wanted to help her friend and he understood that, but his passive behaviour wasn't going down well with her.
Still, at the fourth ring within 10 minutes Cal let the thought that it might be important find a way through and picked up the phone. He didn't want his mind to go there, not knowing if he was wishing for the lesser of evil, but after all it seemed that he was still Gillian's emergency contact.
"Lightman," he grumbled then as he picked up the call.
"Dr Lightman, it's Dr Sc-"
"Yeah, I figured." He cut her off, taking off his glasses and straddling his face with the free hand. "What can I do for ya?"
"I was hoping to see you, yesterday."
"Why?"
The woman on the phone sighed, clearly their first encounter hadn't taught her enough about Cal Lightman.
"Thank you for suggesting your daughter could visit, and for driving her here."
Cal sighed, annoyed by how long it was taking her to get to the point. He was about to reply something that would probably give his frustration away, then he caught sight of Emily looking at him and stood up from the dining room table. Trying not to make his retreat too obvious, Cal moved slowly, feigning deep interest in the call as he walked out of the room and up the stairs, feeling deep shame as he hid in his bedroom to carry on with that conversation.
"No biggie," he said then, biting at his bottom lip and trying to hold his tongue, failing miserably. "Did it help?"
"Yes," Thank God for small favours! "But not in any really meaningful way." Fuck! "It did Gillian a great deal of good to see a familiar face and have some company, I don't question that. But it hasn't exactly moved things forward."
"Emily can visit again, I'm sure she'd be all for it."
"Dr Lightman, you are an intelligent man and I hope you can recognise I'm not exactly an idiot. Can we drop this charade?"
"Fair enough," Cal quipped as he laid down on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. "I'm not coming to see her."
"Why not?"
"Bloody hell, between you and my daughter it's a broken record!" He moaned. "She doesn't want to see me, didn't even ask Emily about me when they spoke."
"And you think that's normal?"
"I'm not your patient here, Dr Scully," he warned her.
"God Lord, I wouldn't take you as a patient for all the money in the world!" She let out a nervous laugh. "But if you were, I'd be nagging you about why you are so terrified to face her."
"Since when respecting someone's personal space is a bad thing?"
"You think it's your fault, don't you?" Cal closed his eyes and held his breath, his hand squeezing the phone. "What happened, why is Gillian here? Are you really that simple?"
Cal growled softly and rolled on his side, thinking there was absolutely nothing simple about any of that.
"She was in a car accident." His reply was weak and he knew it, but he powered on stubbornly. "I have an alibi for that, officer."
"Do people actually buy this from you? 'Cause really, it doesn't take a face reader of whatever the hell you are to see the deflection here." Cal didn't respond, annoyed by the fact that he still wasn't able to tell if the woman was a friend or an enemy. "Dr Lightman, I'm not suggesting in any way that it has anything to do with you, and nothing of what Gillian might have told me seems to indicate that. But I know this much, you're part of the healing process whether you like it or not. Whether Gillian likes it or not."
On her side of the line, Dr Scully had to wonder if he was still there. She didn't hear anything for a while, not a sound, which was bringing her levels of frustrations to an all time high. Cal had listened, Cal had heard but it wasn't easy to process. He had been debating with himself for days, faced the disapproval on Emily's face for his conservative approach, absorbed the looks of people around him at work, and jumped through hoops not to go down that route and think he might be the reason for what had happened.
Lying on his side in the bed, for the first time in months Cal slipped into yet another thing he had tried to fight back. His eyes wide open, the phone stuck between his head and the pillow, Cal stared ahead at the empty half of the bed and all of a sudden Gillian was there. An apparition, a mirage coming out of nowhere, beautiful and powerful just as much as the first time she had been in his bed. That was so not the time to be thinking about her that way, to remember what it was like to wake up next to her, to see her face first thing in the morning, to find her scent lingering in his bed linen for hours-
"She tried to kill herself, Dr Lightman." Scully's words shot through him like a downpour of daggers, ripping the good memories away and plunging him into a nightmare he had tried to ignore since the moment he had noticed the lack of skid marks on the road. "I don't think you're the reason for that, but I do think you're the reason why she's here. She's not getting any better, what's worse she's not even really trying to. The problem is that she's just hiding in here, not trying to work through whatever it is that is keeping her here." Cal closed his eyes, his free hand looking for the ghost of Gillian next to him as if he was caressing her face. "I can't help her if she won't help herself. And if she doesn't show me something soon I will have no choice but to recommend that she be discharged. Sure, she can easily go someplace else but any professional worth their salt will see through it. Being here, or anywhere else, is not the solution she needs."
When Cal came out of the room a while later he knew he looked like shit, felt like it too, and if possible things went from bad to worse when he found Emily waiting - ambushing him, really - on the other side of the door.
"You're a coward, Dad," she said in a low voice, a tone in her voice Cal had never heard before. "You're letting me down, you should be better than this."
Then she left, turning around to go into her room slamming the door behind her. Cal thought about going after her, but whatever energy he had left after the conversation with Dr Scully was sucked out of him by the most hurtful thing his daughter could ever say to him.
Whether you like it or not, next one is another journey to the past...with a twist