So Kurt hadn't had the best day. Then again, he hadn't had the best week so what difference did it make? If he wasn't stressing out about his relationship with Blaine, he was stressing about buying stuff for New York, keeping up with his internship's new demands, or getting the vast amount of school work done in a timely fashion (ha). They weren't actually handing stuff in with it so close to the end, however they had to do their senior fashion show which would undoubtedly take all of their free time. It wasn't that Kurt minded doing it. In fact, he liked—loved it. It was hard to like anything at the moment, though.
He pulled into the driveway and got out of the car. It had taken long enough submitting and going through everyone's midterm portfolios that he was home past Melody's bedtime and he wasn't particularly sad about that. He wasn't exactly in the mood for smiling and laughing and pretending that his heart wasn't becoming more and more broken with each day—each hour—that passed. He wanted to go upstairs, take a shower, eat some dinner, and then go to bed—without talking to Blaine. Always without talking to Blaine.
"Traffic was absolutely horrible, Dad." Kurt announced as he came into the house, tossing his messenger bag onto the couch. "And it took forever because some girl didn't know how to deliver a presentation and the professor actually let her try again. Is she going to get to try again in the real world? I think not."
"Oh?" Blaine asked from the couch where we was sitting, unseen by Kurt evidently.
"Yes. Seriously I don't know how this girl thinks she'll—." Kurt stopped mid-sentence, slowly turning to look back at the couch. His eyes widened in shock. Blaine. Here. Blaine. Is. Here. "BLAINE!" he shrieked, running at Blaine and throwing his arms around him, in the world's most awkward position but it didn't matter because Blaine was there and beautiful and there.
"Hey!" Blaine grinned, hugging Kurt tightly. "I was wondering if you'd even notice. You walked right by me!"
"What are you doing here? No, I don't care! I can't believe you're here!" Kurt pulled back and kissed him hard on the mouth. How did it work this way? Spending four hours crying about them the night before and Blaine shows up and it's just like it doesn't matter? Like he never left or something? How did Blaine Anderson do this to him?
"I know! I can't believe I'm here either!" Blaine said, slightly breathless, after pulling away from their kiss. He lowered Kurt, who had wrapped his legs around Blaine's waist at some point, to the ground so he could stand.
"Why are you here, though?" Kurt asked, panting a bit too.
"I thought you didn't care." Blaine teased, pulling back and grabbing his hand.
"Well I changed my mind." Kurt kissed him again. "Why are you here?"
"I wanted to surprise you." Blaine said, and it wasn't entirely a lie. The real surprise just wouldn't be until later. "I wanted to see you smile. You sounded so sad the last time we talked on the phone."
"Well you did surprise me and make me smile." Kurt beamed, choosing not address the fact that Blaine could tell he was sad. Then again, Blaine knew him. Of course he would be able to know Kurt was sad without Kurt saying it. Too bad he hadn't caught on sooner, though… Kurt pushed that thought away. He needed to be happy because Blaine is here!
Blaine kissed him. "How did your midterm presentations go? Apart from the idiot girl, that is."
"I think it went well. They seemed to really like it." Kurt linked hands with Blaine. "How is Harvard? How did that one presentation go Monday?"
"It went good." Blaine smiled.
"When did you get here?" Kurt asked, looking positively giddy.
"Around lunch time."
"Were you just here alone all day?" Kurt frowned.
"No. I went to have lunch with Burt and hanged around the garage until he left. We talked a lot, watched some TV." Blaine shrugged. "And then I went to the store with Carole and Melody… that was definitely an… adventure."
"I warned you, hon." Carole said coming through with a hamper full of Melody's laundry. "Kurt, sweetie, hi."
"Hey." Kurt smiled and waved. When Carole turned down the hall, he looked back at Blaine. "How long are you here until?"
"I have to fly out tomorrow afternoon." Blaine gave a sad smile.
"That's okay! I'm just so happy to see you!" Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine, burying his face in his neck. He truly was just happy to see Blaine.
"I love you so much." Blaine whispered in his ear.
"I love you too." Kurt kissed Blaine's cheek several times, for once wanting to cry happy tears. "I can't believe you're here. Oh my God. You're here."
"I kind of can't either." Blaine let out a laugh before kissing Kurt again.
"Are you hungry? I can take you out to eat." Kurt asked.
"How about take out?" Blaine asked. "Better yet delivery?"
"Good idea. We're kind of cursed when it goes to dinner out lately." Kurt joked. "Chinese?"
"Oh God. I haven't had Chinese since October." Blaine groaned. "Yes, please."
"Let me change and then we'll find the menu and order it." Kurt kissed Blaine quickly, gave him a positively giddy smile, and ran up the stairs.
I'm making the right decision, Blaine thought to himself as he pulled out his phone. I really think I am.
He pulled out his phone, tapping out a quick text.
He said yes, Blaine texted Wes eagerly later that night when Kurt was in the bathroom getting ready for bed.
YOU PROPOSED TO KURT? BLAINE! WHAT?,Wes responded within two seconds.
No. Burt said yes. He gave me permission.
Blaine's phone buzzed four times in a row and Blaine went back into his messages.
Oh.
Asshole.
Why wouldn't you be specify?
Of course he did. Kurt's entire family is basically in love with you, Wes responded almost immediately.
Blaine let out a deep breath and let out a nervous sort of giggle.
He had asked Burt's permission to propose to Kurt.
He could literally go to a store tomorrow, come home, and propose before leaving for Harvard in the afternoon. Not that he would ever do it like that. When he proposed to Kurt, it had to be perfect. Absolutely perfect. Kurt would accept no less.
Okay. He was exaggerating. He knew if he just did it over a homemade meal, Kurt would still think it was sweet… but still. Kurt deserved everything and if he was going to do it, well he was going to do it right. Kurt deserved it.
You don't have to do anything you're not ready for, Blainers. If he's the one, he'll wait, Wes sent after not getting an answer.
I know, Blaine responded, looking up when Kurt came in. He quickly locked his phone before Kurt could see. "All clean?"
"I am." Kurt smiled, plopping next to him on the bed.
There was a tiny knock on the door and then it flung open. "Kurt!"
Kurt waved. "Hey, Mellie. Isn't it past bedtime?"
"Uh huh!" Melody hopped onto Kurt's bed and looked at Blaine, giggling and then waving.
"Hey, pumpkin." Blaine smiled and tickled her tiny toes.
"Hiii." Melody giggled again and then wedged herself between the two of them.
Kurt rolled his eyes, still smiling. "Miss Melody, you cannot sleep in my bed tonight."
"Aww, drats." Melody stuck out her lower lip and then kissed Kurt's cheek. "G'night, Kurt!"
"Goodnight. Love you." Kurt kissed the top of her head.
"Don't I get one?" Blaine whined.
Melody gave him a loud kiss on the cheek. "Of course, silly."
"She has been hanging out with you too long." Kurt rolled his eyes. "And you're not even here."
Blaine grinned. "What can I say? Great minds think alike."
Melody kissed both of their cheeks again before skipping from the room.
"Bedtime ritual?" Blaine asked, grin softening into a small smile.
"Bedtime ritual." Kurt nodded.
"Well I think it's cute." Blaine nudged him.
Kurt leaned against him and let out a content sigh. "Tonight has been perfect… which is saying something considering I had three midterms due today."
"I think it was perfect too." Blaine looked down at him.
Kurt nuzzled his arm, smiling. "This is what I wanted… my visit to Boston to feel like. I haven't felt like this since last year. It's nice."
"Sorry we're not closer together." Blaine whispered, running his fingers through Kurt's hair that was just barely damp.
"Me too." Kurt sighed a bit and then yawned, curling up against Blaine. "I'm sorrier I said I regretted coming to your house. Blaine, I…"
"No. It's okay." Blaine interrupted. "You just… you kind of scared me. I don't want to make you feel like I don't care… I care more than I could express with words, Kurt. We both know I'm not the best about talking about how I feel but… I love you so much. I could never love anything or anyone more than you."
Kurt reached up, stroking Blaine's curls.
This is killing me, Kurt thought in the back of his head.
Blaine pressed their foreheads together and then gently kissed him.
"Are you sure you're not upset about it, though?" Kurt asked before kissing him again quickly.
"I'm sure." Blaine promised. "I just want us to be happy."
"Well we're happy right now." Kurt smiled. But for how long? An hour? Just for the night?
"Would it be too cliché to say I hope we have a happily ever after?" Blaine asked teasingly.
"Mmmh I don't know. Are you my Prince Charming?"
"Would that make you a princess?" Blaine grinned.
Kurt reached down, swatting his ass.
Blaine wiggled his butt, grin not leaving his face. "Do you miss my ass when I'm in Massachusetts, Kurt?"
"Not as much as you miss mine." Kurt joked.
"I can't argue there." Blaine laid flat on his back, pulling Kurt onto his chest. "Because I happen to love your ass."
Kurt giggled a bit and leaned down to kiss him. "If you shut up, I might like let you touch it."
Blaine gasped, eyes widening. "You mean I get to touch the butt?"
Kurt rolled his eyes. "Under the condition that you don't go around saying 'I touched the butt' for the next two weeks, maybe."
"That almost takes the fun out of the whole thing." Blaine pouted. "Almost."
"Somehow I think that you'll find a way to carry on." Kurt snorted. "Should we get up and order the Chinese?"
"There's something I'd like to do first." Blaine grinned, undoing Kurt's pajama pants' drawstring.
"Of course there is." Kurt giggled a bit and unbuttoned Blaine's shirt. Maybe having sex wasn't the best idea when Kurt had spent the last several weeks crying over them, but maybe Kurt wasn't exactly full of good ideas lately anyway.
***LTC***
Blaine sat up when his cellphone began to vibrate early the next morning—five in the morning early, to be exact. He rubbed his face and looked at Kurt who shifted a bit, but nuzzled his face against his pillow and relaxed.
Would Kurt be happy Blaine was going to wake him this early? Probably not. Blaine wanted to make every minute they had together count, though. Minutes couldn't count if they were sleeping. Besides, they hadn't exactly ever made it out of bed the night before to get food and Blaine was just short of starving.
He leaned over Kurt, putting his hand on Kurt's shoulder and gently shaking it. "Wake up."
Kurt rolled onto his stomach, pulling his pillow over his head and groaning. He didn't have class. Why did he need to wake up?
"Kurt, wake up." Blaine repeated, tickling his side. Man, he really missed waking Kurt up in the mornings. Kurt was definitely the most adorable when he was half asleep.
Kurt arched up and whined. "Why?"
"I have to leave at 2 in the afternoon." Blaine whispered loudly before bending down and kissing Kurt.
Kurt, still not fully awake, smiled and began to slowly kiss him back.
"I want to spend as long with you as I can." Blaine said, pulling away. He then added, "Awake."
Kurt sat up slowly, looking at his alarm clock and wincing at the bright green numbers. He then groaned, "Blaine, it's five."
"You can handle it." Blaine teased, kissing his forehead.
Kurt plopped back onto the bed, yawning and wrapping his arms around Blaine. "Mmmkay. I can handle it."
Blaine giggled as Kurt nuzzled his shoulder and closed his eyes. "You're falling asleep."
"'m not." Kurt protested. "Just resting my eyes."
"In the dark, snuggled up?" Blaine questioned.
"Mhmm." Kurt nodded, licking his lips. "Mmmh."
"Let's go out and get breakfast." Blaine eased him into a sitting position, laughing when Kurt slumped against Blaine's chest. If he was here, and only for nine more hours, he wanted to make the most of it. He wanted Kurt to feel the way he had used to before Blaine had left for school. He had to make Kurt remember what they were before Kurt did something drastic. He had to make Kurt remember so that when he proposed, Kurt would say yes. "Wake up?"
"O-Okay." Kurt yawned and stumbled out of the bed.
"Be careful." Blaine giggled again.
"'m okay." Kurt mumbled, going into his closet.
Blaine giggled again, shaking his head. Most adorable boyfriend. Ever.
Maybe fiancé soon.
Blaine bit his lip, feeling a rush of excitement (and maybe some nerves too) go through him. He would be proposing to Kurt. He was terrified of the commitment, afraid of being hurt, but… but Kurt would never hurt him. So it was going to be okay. He didn't need to be scared. Kurt wasn't everyone else.
Kurt came up to him, fully clothed and hair styled.
"Did you just walk past me to go to the bathroom and I didn't even notice you?" Blaine asked, looking up at him.
"Mhm."Kurt bent down and kissed the top of his head. "You must have been thinking really hard about pancakes."
"Something like that." Blaine smiled at him. "Are you ready to go?"
"If you are." Kurt smiled and took Blaine's hand. "We have to be quiet leaving or Kreacher will start to bark."
"Where is he?"
"Under the bed. Don't ask me. Ever since you left, he either sleeps on my chest or under the bed on your side." Kurt shrugged, looking confused. "I don't understand it."
"Weird dog." Blaine mumbled as they slowly and nearly silently crept out of the room and out of the house. He reached for Kurt's keys.
Kurt eyed him before very slowly handing his keys over.
"Oh, stop." Blaine rolled his eyes.
"If you get my car rear ended because you are a slow driver-." Kurt began.
"Shut up." Blaine cut him off. "You're a terrible driver and I'm considering never letting you drive our future kids around."
"Terrible driver?" Kurt exclaimed. "How many wrecks have I been in?"
"That was my only wreck and it wasn't my fault!" Blaine cried. "That girl who was speeding plowed into my car!"
"If you weren't so slow, you could have gotten out of the way." Kurt teased, giving him an impish smile.
Blaine scoffed.
"I'm kidding. I'm kidding!" Kurt hugged Blaine.
"Yeah. You joke about it now, Sir Cries A Lot." Blaine mumbled, but there was still a hint of teasing in his voice.
"You didn't see that car…or you." Kurt said, facial expression turning serious.
"It should really be an indication of the dangers of speeding, not that I was too slow." Blaine pointed out, tapping Kurt's nose.
"I don't speed. I just drive slightly faster than the average driver." Kurt promised.
"Speeder." Blaine coughed.
Kurt rolled his eyes.
"In the car." Blaine said, opening the passenger side door.
Kurt heaved a big mock sigh and got in. "If you…"
Blaine shut the door before he could finish, grinning.
Kurt rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Asshole."
"I heard that." Blaine chirped getting into the driver seat. "No backseat driving."
"I'm in the passenger seat."
"Shh." Blaine said, and then added pleasantly, "Asshole."
Kurt shook his head and grabbed Blaine's hand after they were backed out of the driveway, smiling to himself. He had really missed Blaine.
…
It had been an amazing morning—much better than either Kurt or Blaine had had in a long time. They had gotten to spend time together and it was almost like before, when they were too lazy to get out of bed until after noon so they would just go out for breakfast and then spend the rest of the day aimlessly wandering around. Only this time, they couldn't wander aimlessly because this time they had to come home… so Blaine could pack and go back to Harvard Again.
Kurt couldn't help but frown when he came into the bedroom and found Blaine neatly folding his pajamas and putting them into his bag. He wanted to be happy, it had been such a good visit, but to know Blaine would be gone in an hour… How could he not frown?
Blaine looked up, forcing a smile. "Soon you'll be in New York and we'll be a lot closer. We can do this more."
Kurt forced a smile as well. This was the feeling Kurt knew well. Overwhelming sadness. How long would it be before Blaine and he talked again? Three days? Four? "I know but it's not the same… Maybe we were lucky when you were at UK, living together and being relatively close to our schools."
"I don't think we were lucky then and unlucky now if that's what you mean… We just… have to go to different schools in different areas to get what we want out of a career. That's all." Blaine said.
"I feel like I kept pushing it out of my mind and it's smacking me all at once." Kurt sighed a bit. Now he was wondering if they'd even made the right decision in—No. Stop that. You love Blaine.
Blaine looked at Kurt, hazel eyes impossibly sad. It was as if Blaine knew what Kurt was thinking. Even if he hadn't said the words, Blaine knew. He swallowed and, after a moment, began to speak. "Today and yesterday were really good, right?"
"It's not that it wasn't good. I just get lonely." Kurt admitted, feeling bad for clearly having upset Blaine. Really, he hadn't done anything wrong. It just hurt that he was leaving again. Leaving, always leaving, never staying.
"Well it's not too long until spring break. We'll have a whole week alone together." Blaine kissed him. "And I get lonely without you too, you know? I miss you a lot. Every single day."
Kurt grabbed his hand and squeezed, leaning his head on Blaine's shoulder. "I've begun to hate airports."
"Me too." Blaine confessed, seeming a little more relaxed. He reached up, stroking the back of Kurt's neck. "Me too."
Kurt glanced down at his watch, the one Blaine had given him years ago, and sighed. "We need to leave."
Blaine leaned forward and kissed him once again. "Alright… Thanks for driving me."
"You don't have to thank me." Kurt whispered and stood up.
"You leaving, hon?" Carole asked when they made it into the living room.
"Yeah." Blaine said, going to give her a big hug.
"We're all going to miss you so much." Carole said, hugging him.
"Nobody more than Kurt." Burt added in a gruff voice, squeezing Kurt's shoulder.
"I'm going to miss all of you too." Blaine bent, hugging Melody.
"Do you have to go to dogger school?" Melody whined.
"Law school." Blaine corrected. "And yes, I do. So I can have enough money to buy Kurt a house with a red door."
Kurt looked at him, smiling a bit and hugging himself. It really did hurt more every time they said goodbye. He would have much rather Blaine stayed in Ohio and not have a red door farther down the line. He missed Blaine. He was tired of this whole thing, saying bye, going to airports, crying. He was sick of it.
"He doesn't need a red door. We misses you." Melody pouted.
"I bet I miss you more." Blaine said, tapping her nose. "You have Oreo to keep you company."
"You can have Oreo back if you stay." Melody looked at him with big eyes.
"Melody, don't make him feel bad." Carole said, bending down.
"Don't go." Tears filled Melody's eyes.
"Pumpkin." Blaine cooed, scooping her up.
"I don't know why she's doing this. She's usually fine when you go." Carole whispered as Blaine rocked Melody and patted her hair.
"I miss him!" Melody cried into his shoulder.
"Mellie, we've really gotta go." Kurt said gently, bending down.
"We m-m-miss you!"
"I'm sorry, Melody." Blaine cooed. "But I'll be back in a few weeks."
"Y-You're never here!" Melody cried. "Daddy, m-m-make him stay!"
"Come on." Burt came over. "Give him another hug and tell him bye. He's gotta catch his plane, Melody."
"We'll spend sooooo much time together over spring break." Blaine whispered in her ear, giving her a tight squeeze. "We'll watch movies and read books and do anything you want to do. I'll take you to King's Island, we can go to that funny place with all the giraffes…"
Melody sniffled and nodded into his shoulder.
"I'm so sorry I can't be here with you more but I love you oh so much."
"As much as Kurt?" Melody pulled back and asked.
"Well it's two completely different kinds of love, but yes. You're like the little sister I never had."
"You're like the big brother I never had."
"Hey!" Kurt exclaimed. "You have two!"
"Oh yeah!" Melody giggled a bit.
Blaine laughed and kissed her cheek. "Don't cry anymore, okay? I'll be back soon. I promise we'll do anything you want."
"Kurt and Blaine and Melody day?" Melody sniffled.
"Perfect. You pick one of the days I'm here and it's on." Blaine kissed her cheek again before sitting her down. "You call me tomorrow, pretty girl. Alright?"
Melody nodded, gave him one last hug, and let Burt lead her from the room.
"Now I kind of feel bad." Blaine said as Carole hugged him.
"Don't, hon. She'll be just fine."
"Yeah. She cries when dad leaves to run to the store sometimes." Kurt laughed, trying to make Blaine feel better. "She's okay."
Blaine nodded, although he still felt guilty. "Tell Burt bye for me?"
"Of course, sweetie. Have a safe flight and let us know when you make it home." Carole touched his face. "I'm so glad we got to see you even if it was just for a day."
Blaine smiled. "I'm glad I got to see everyone too."
…
Kurt wasn't sure which was worse, the fact that he was driving Blaine to the airport to leave once again or the fact that they were being silent. Kurt didn't know what to say, though. He wanted to ask Blaine to not leave, that he was having doubts, that he didn't know how much longer he could do long distance. He wanted to tell Blaine that sometimes it hurt to breathe knowing he would have to go to sleep alone in a bed, that he wouldn't wake up to sleepy kisses and nuzzles, that there wouldn't be any more breakfasts together—in home or in a diner.
He hated that everything always end on a negative note. How was he supposed to be cheerful on the way to send Blaine off again, though? Every time he dropped Blaine off or he was dropped off by Blaine, it was worse than the time before. Just how bad was he going to feel when he got home, when he went to bed without Blaine next to him? Sometimes he wished they didn't see each other because it made things that much worse when they were apart.
I can't do this again, Kurt thought as he got out of the car after half an hour of silence. He looked up at the airport sign, trying to not focus on Blaine grabbing his bag and shutting the car door. He really hated that freaking sign.
"It was really nice to see you even if it was only for one day."
Kurt shook his thoughts away and looked at Blaine, who looked timid. He tried to force himself to smile but he couldn't make it come. He was to the point where he couldn't even pretend anymore. "Yeah."
"Kurt…" Blaine took a deep breath.
"Yes?"
"Don't do this. Don't be distant." Blaine pleaded. "We only have like five more minutes."
"I'm sorry. It's hard."
"After I came all this way to see you… It's hard to connect with me?" Blaine asked.
"It's not like that. It just hurts every time we say goodbye." Kurt frowned.
"Do you think it doesn't hurt me too?" Blaine questioned. "Do you think I'm not going to get on that plane and wish I was coming to you, not leaving you?"
Kurt swallowed. "I don't think that at all."
"When you act this way when I'm leaving, it's like you're punishing me. Like I did this."
"You did do this." Kurt said sadly, looking down at his shoes.
Blaine dropped his hand and backed away. "I did this? I thought you were happy for me that I got into Harvard. I worked my ass off for years to get where I am today and you just see it as something I did to you?"
Kurt didn't speak. What was he supposed to say? He knew Blaine wasn't doing anything to them. He knew it was him, Kurt, who couldn't handle the distance. But Blaine had caused the distance. In his mind, Blaine had… well… done this. Not to him. To them.
"Were you ever happy for me, Kurt?" Blaine asked after several silent seconds passed. Kurt looked up, hated seeing the hurt look on Blaine's face.
He had to be honest. Eventually he had to be honest. He had never wanted Blaine to go. He had never been happy that Blaine left him behind. And he couldn't pretend anymore.
"I'm happy you got in, Blaine, but I've never been happy that you… went." Kurt admitted, feeling selfish and immature as the words came out but unable to help the way he felt.
Blaine let out a hollow laugh and snatched his bag off of the ground, a look of disbelief and anger on his face. "At least I know how you really feel."
Kurt opened his mouth to speak as Blaine pressed a haste kiss to his cheek. Kurt almost wished he hadn't. Wished Blaine hadn't come to visit, that they hadn't had sex, that they hadn't had a good night and morning. It made everything so much harder. It always made everything so much harder.
"Bye, Kurt." Blaine said, walking through the security line without even giving Kurt the chance to speak.
What did he say? He was sorry he was honest? He hated that he felt that way? That he loved Blaine even if he wasn't happy? What did you say in situations like this? Why was Kurt even in a situation like this? What was he supposed to say?
For a split second, he didn't care that Blaine was walking through that line without giving Kurt a chance to make it better, justify his words, something. But it was Blaine, he did love him, he didn't want him to leave on bad terms again.
"Blaine!" Kurt exclaimed, finally getting his voice to work. He wasn't sure of what he would say, but he had to at least say something.
Blaine slowed down, looking as though he was going to turn around, but then he kept going until he was out of sight.
Kurt turned and began to walk towards his car, beginning to loudly cry.
He wasn't going to do this again.
…
Later that same night, Kurt found himself sitting at his desk and staring down at a picture of he and Blaine with red-rimmed eyes. He sniffled, turning it over and staring out the window. It was too dark to really see anything, but it was better than looking at something that made him want to cry.
How had he been stupid enough to say something like that to Blaine? Who knew how long it would be before Blaine talked to him? Then again, Kurt thought to himself as he swallowed, maybe Blaine not talking to him was a good thing. Maybe Kurt could use some time to think about what he wanted to do. Something needed to be done because Kurt couldn't live like this for the next two and a half years. Maybe with enough time alone he'd know what to do.
"Hey, Kurt, Carole saved a plate for you. It's in the fridge." Burt said from Kurt's doorway, shaking him from his thoughts.
"Okay, dad." Kurt said, not turning around to look at his father.
"Everything okay?"
"Can we… talk?" Kurt turned, looking at Burt with red-rimmed eyes.
"Of course we can talk." Burt said while closing the door and then sitting on the edge of Kurt's bed. He watched his son, waiting for Kurt to speak first.
"Dad… The uh…" Kurt swallowed. "I'm not happy."
"What do you mean? Is something going on?" Burt questioned.
"With Blaine."
Burt stared at Kurt, not quite sure what to say. Had they gotten into an argument? Or was this something bigger?
"I… feel like it's to the point where our issues can't be fixed." Kurt frowned. "I love him more than anything but… I can't do this anymore. I c-can't cry all night every night until we're closer or he's done with school."
"Wait." Burt said, confused. This wasn't happening. Blaine had come to ask for permission to propose and… it sounded like Kurt was considering ending the relationship. "You can't do what anymore?"
"I c-can't handle the distance, the ignored calls, the cancelled trips, the s-saying goodbye. It just hurts too much. I want to be with him, but e-every day I feel more and more miserable because we never get to see each other, we never even really get to talk at all, and I feel like we're not even in a real relationship anymore." Kurt took a deep breath, willing himself to not cry.
"What are you saying to me, Kurt?" Burt asked slowly.
Tears filled Kurt's eyes again for the millionth time. "I miss him all the time to the point where I cry myself to sleep. I've tried to b-be positive but I don't think I can do it anymore."
"Are you saying that you and Blaine broke up?"
"N-No but m-maybe we sho-should." Kurt wiped his eyes as tears slipped down his cheeks.
"No." Burt said rather forcefully. "I know I said I wouldn't get involved, Kurt, but you're making a huge mistake."
"It's just so h-hard." Kurt cried.
"Do you think life isn't hard?" Burt asked, not harsh but firm.
"It's not that." Kurt sniffled.
"I want you to listen to me and then think about what I have to say." Burt said. "You've gotta work through this with him, kid. You've got to. He dropped out of school for a semester to take care of you, he drove out of state to a school, he has always been there for you since you met him… He sat in the hospital room, holding your hand, before you'd even had your lung surgery and… the look on his face… Blaine loves you, Kurt."
"It's not about l-love." Kurt sniffled. "B-Besides, l-love should m-make me feel this way."
"Do you think love is supposed to be easy?" Burt asked. "Do you think it was easy for Blaine to take care of you after you were attacked, to see you like that?"
"That's different." Kurt cried.
"It is but it isn't. Love is sometimes about doing stuff you don't wanna do, but you're not supposed to look for an out." Burt responded. "Kurt, you are the one that took the relationship to the level you did when you asked him to leave Kentucky."
"A-Are you saying I should drop out?"
"No. I'm saying you need to think about the choices you made five years ago and you need to think about the positions you put him in before you start saying you're going to break up with this bo—with Blaine. Are you telling me you want to break up with Blaine?"
"I don't know." Kurt broke down in full out sobs. "I-I-It's like I c-can't breathe wh-when he's g-gone but i-it's worse n-now when h-h-he's here. I love him so mu-much, Dad, b-but how m-much a-am I s-supposed to take?"
Burt wrapped an arm around Kurt, not knowing what to say. He thought Kurt was being overly dramatic, jumping the gun… but Kurt had been unhappy a long time. "Kurt, you've gotta talk to Blaine."
"I t-told him I wasn't h-happy for him." Kurt sobbed, shaking his head. "H-He doesn't want to talk."
"Why did you say that?"
"Because I'm stupid! Because I don't think! I'm v-very happy for everything that he's accomplished but I wish he h-hadn't gone. I f-feel like he d-did this to me. I know it's im-immature, dad. But I've tried the m-mature route and I just want it to stop h-hurting. I want to f-feel like I c-can breathe again."
"He didn't go to Harvard to do anything to you, Kurt. He wants to better himself, to do good things, and he thought he had your support."
"Which makes me a bad boyfriend for feelings this way, but I do and it's out there now. I am mad he left. I t-thought I was getting a ri-ring and instead I found out he was freaking moving thirteen hours away and I n-never see him and h-half the time when I do, w-we fight and it's taking a t-t-toll! I hate t-thinking these things. It makes me f-feel like a horrible person but C-Carole told me t-that my h-happiness ma-mattered too, d-dad, and she's r-right!"
"You're happy with Blaine." Burt said very slowly, pulling back to look at Kurt. "You two have been through more than most couples, Kurt, and you don't wanna give that up. It's March, kid. In May you'll be moving to New York City and you'll live four hours away… that's a two hour drive to meet half way. That's only half an hour more than how it was when you kids lived in Cincinnati and drove to school. Why don't you two get an apartment half way?"
"I told Q-Quinn I'd m-move in with her. When I said I was going to New York early, dad, I didn't mean with Blaine." Kurt looked up at the ceiling, lip trembling and trying to get a hold of himself.
"What…?"
"I never asked Blaine because he didn't talk to me for more than a month after the fight in January, dad. Things were going downhill before that but after January, there's been one good moment for every ten bad ones." Kurt shuddered.
"Maybe if you two move in together…"
"It's past that, dad." Kurt interrupted.
"You two just need to spend more time together."
"We don't have the money to go back and forth. Blaine's had to take out loans for food and gas while he's at Harvard." Kurt wiped his face.
Burt rubbed his own face. "There's gotta be a way, Kurt. You've gotta work at it. It's Blaine."
"I worked at it for a month when I tried to call and he shut me out. I think I've felt this way s-since then. I worked so hard to get him to talk to me and when it did, it just went back to the same thing for the most part, and I realized that maybe this… isn't how it's meant to be for us. He's only called me first once in two weeks." Kurt wiped his eyes.
"He loves you."
"I know he loves me." Kurt sniffled. "I love him too."
"You can't do this to him, to you. " Burt said. "I don't want to get involved but you're making a real big mistake."
"What has he done to me, to him?" Kurt asked. "H-He's not been picture perfect either, dad. He's blown off more than one trip, cancelled phone calls…"
"I never thought I would get to see you happy, with a boyfriend. The minute he came into your life, it was like a whole new you. You were happy. I know things have been tough for you two. They've been tough for a while, Kurt. But you can't give up on him because… because you two have both given up a lot for each other. You can't just go back on it now when you all have made it so far. Blaine needs you and you need him." Burt said gently.
"I don't know what else to do. E-Everyone is moving on with their l-lives and I'm stuck in the same place. I want to move on too, dad. And I want to move on with Blaine. He knows I want to be with him, I want everything, and he… must not want it." Kurt pulled his knees to his chest.
"He wants it, kid. Why wouldn't he? He's stuck around this long. Hell, Blaine has been in more than one argument with me over your wellbeing. That doesn't sound like someone who doesn't want everything with you. I mean, I'd like to think of myself as a scary guy."
Kurt smiled a bit, although it was watery. "You two bumped heads a lot through that whole thing."
"Yeah well I regret that… I always have, going to your house and accusing him of that…" Burt admitted. "Look, Kurt… Don't do anything rash until you've got no other solution."
"What does that mean? I should just hold off on graduate school and live in Boston? Blaine won't let me do that."
"Can you promise me something?" Burt asked.
"I guess…"
"Tell Blaine everything you told me. Tell him you're really struggling with the distance; tell him everything… and then you two work on it. You two are good at working on things, it just takes you getting to a certain point to get it right… It seems like you're near rock bottom, so I think that point has come." Burt watched Kurt.
"I love him. I don't want to lose him, dad." Kurt looked down, closing his eyes tightly. He then nodded. "I-I'll talk to him over spring break. We can use the week to work on a plan."
Burt let out a sigh of relief and hugged Kurt again. "It's gonna be alright, kiddo. It won't be easy but you've gotta keep at it…"
Kurt nodded again.
"But, Kurt…" Burt added, his voice much more gentle. "Your happiness does matter and if it… if it comes down to that… I want you to know that you'll have my support, okay? Look, I love Blaine. But you're my son and all I want is for you to be happy."
"Thanks, dad." Kurt said, this time hugging Burt. He buried his face in Burt's shoulder, leaving it there for a long time and just thinking. His dad was right. Maybe he still had some fight left in him… Maybe he and Blaine could make it work. After all, he owed it to Blaine and to himself to try, didn't he?