There were only mere hours until Blaine had to head to Lima for Spring break, yet he found himself in Trident Booksellers and Cafe waiting for Adrian and their classmate, Ashleigh, to show up. He may or may not have come early because bookstore and spring break meant that he might actually have time to purchase a non -school related book and maybe actually read it. Besides, it had seemed pretty pointless to walk all the way home only to have to leave twenty minutes after he got there to come back to campus.
"Don't tell me you're going to read over spring break."
Blaine jumped a bit and turned to see Adrian.
"C'mon, dude. No way. Haven't you read enough? I feel like if I don't rest my eyes this week, I'll start puking words."
"You mean speaking?" Blaine asked sarcastically.
Adrian rolled his eyes. "So am I the only one who kind of..." He glanced around, making sure no one was in ear shot. "…Didn't want to come? It seems a little dumb for her to make it up to us more than a month later and I got the very distinct feeling it's mostly to get to know us better... and by us, I mean you."
Blaine arched his eyebrow.
"She stares at you."
"There are like three people who keep staring at me. I'm pretty sure they're trying to figure out if I'm gay or straight." Blaine rolled his eyes and put his book back on the bookshelf. Clearly he wasn't going to be able to look, but he could stay after they left and find one or two to buy.
"Are they all girls?" Adrian questioned.
"Ashleigh, Samantha, and Jordan."
"Jordan? Really?" Adrian looked surprised. "He must be gay."
"I don't know. He doesn't know who Marion Cotillard is." Blaine walked out of the bookstore portion of the building and into the cafe portion. "I thought he was gay too until I found that out."
"Who is Marion Cotillard?" Adrian asked.
"Ha." Blaine rolled his eyes. "I hope Ashleigh isn't late. I need to get home and get my things so I can go to the airport in two hours."
"Girls are always late." Adrian picked a table and sat down. "Are you excited to go home?"
"It'll be nice to see everybody." Blaine shrugged. Truth be told, he was extremely anxious to go to Lima. He and Kurt hadn't exactly had a fight, but it didn't make Blaine feel very... eager to spend seven whole days with him. Luckily he and Wes were flying out and back together. If it got to be too much, he would just go and hang out with Wes and David. "Are you going home?"
"And miss a chance to be accosted by my ex? I wouldn't be anywhere else." Adrian laughed a bit.
"Sounds like you're excited too." Blaine snorted.
"I'm not dreading it. I guess that comes with the territory of having exes who stay at home." This time Adrian shrugged. He then smiled and waved. "Hello, Ashleigh."
"Hey, Blaine! Hi, Adrian." Ashleigh, a pretty brunette girl with blue eyes said, sitting a tray with three drinks and three cookies down in the middle of the table.
Adrian kind of smirked at Blaine when Ashleigh was passing out the drinks.
"I just want to thank you two so much for switching mock trial dates. I really, really, really appreciate it. You two probably saved my grade." Ashleigh said, mainly looking at Blaine.
"It was no problem." Adrian chirped, seemingly amused that he had been right.
"Yeah." Blaine agreed, smiling but inwardly thinking, Damn. She does have a crush on me. "We're just glad that you're grandpa ended up being okay."
"How is he doing by the way?" Adrian asked.
"He's fine." Ashleigh said before turning to look at Blaine.
Blaine resisted the urge to throw his cookie at Adrian, who was now silently laughing into his cup. Luckily Ashleigh had no idea, seeing as she wouldn't take her eyes off of Blaine. Wes was going to find this amusing.
"So… what are your guys' plans for spring break?"
"I'm going to Ohio."
"To visit family?" Ashleigh asked.
"To visit my boyfriend actually." Blaine said slowly.
"Boyfriend?" Ashleigh coughed.
"Yes. We've dated since my senior year of high school. His junior year." Blaine said, smiling.
"Geeze. You two have been together a long time. I didn't know that." Adrian said. "Then again, you are thinking of proposing…"
"Wait, you're gay?" Ashleigh asked. "Really gay?"
"If there is a 'really' gay, then that would be me." Blaine laughed and then added quickly, "Don't ask me to go shopping with you."
"You would be surprised how many gay guys are in our classes alone." Adrian said. "And you would be especially surprised at some of the ones that have girlfriends."
"You know, he almost fooled me but then I saw him checking out the professor's… groin region." Blaine said, deciding maybe he shouldn't come out and say 'cock' so close to Harvard's campus.
"Not all of them." Adrian added. "But I'll tell you, in Criminal Justice I haven't found one guy I think is straight."
"It's weird though because there are so many more girls than usual in that class. Which sucks for those girls who think they can walk into a class and find a husband." Blaine rolled his eyes. "I've heard three girls talking about that in hallways this week. I mean I really hope that's not why they came here because if they're that dumb, they should just go to bars every night. It would be a lot cheaper and less stress inducing."
"There is nothing wrong with wanting to find someone while you're in school." Ashleigh protested.
"You're right, there isn't. But if that's why you're here and not to learn about law, it's kind of stupid." Blaine said.
"I don't think that's why they're here. But it might be nice to have someone who can relate to what you're going through." She argued.
"Going through? You signed up for it." Adrian huffed. "That kills me when people come here and are baffled when it's hard."
"And if they were studying the right way, they wouldn't have time to worry about finding someone. I mean I can barely find time to call my boyfriend who I've been with since I was seventeen. How on Earth do they have time to worry over finding someone and say they did, they're not going to have time for them to be in a real and healthy relationship." Blaine agreed. "It's not worth it."
"Boys just don't get it."
"Maybe we do. Maybe the way girls see it is just dumb." Adrian said.
"Not dumb." Blaine corrected. "Just wrong."
Ashleigh shook her head as Blaine began to chuckle at himself.
"I'm mostly kidding." He laughed.
"I'm not." Adrian grinned.
Ashleigh rolled her eyes, but smiled a bit. "Are you sure you two aren't dating each other?"
"Nah. He's too short for me." Adrian's grin grew. "He's got nice eyes, though."
"He does." Ashleigh nodded.
"Alright, well, on that note I have to go." Adrian said. "But thank you so much for getting me coffee and a cookie, but you really didn't have to. I was more than happy for help you out."
"I still really, really appreciate it." Ashleigh looked between both of them. "And this was kind of… well, it probably would have been nice if you weren't attacking women… At least you two are funny together. I see why you both do so well completing your projects. You two make a great team."
"We try." Blaine laughed.
"It's probably because you both have skewed views." Ashleigh grinned, gathering her stuff.
"Skewed, but you didn't say wrong." Blaine grinned back, standing. "Thanks again, Ashleigh. Bye."
Ashleigh left the café.
"Why does that happen to me?" Blaine hissed.
"I told you! I told you!" Adrian said.
"Do you think she hates us?" Blaine asked.
"Nah. She checked out your ass before she left." Adrian snorted. "'Not dumb, just wrong.' That was priceless."
"I'm beginning to see why all of my friends are guys. You know, I thought Kurt's best friend Rachel was just annoying but maybe I'm the problem." Blaine laughed.
"Nah." Adrian shook his head. "Ashleigh was just getting annoyed because she thought you and she would end up walking down the aisle in two point five years and she finds out that you're in a committed relationship, and then you go on about how you can't even find time for him, so she can't even try to turn you straight."
Blaine shook his head.
"I really do have to go, but have a good spring break. Are you going to propose over spring break?"
"I have the ring but I don't think I'm going to yet. I want to make it special." Blaine admitted. "I'm thinking I will this summer or maybe after he graduates… I don't know."
"You'll come up with the perfect way." Adrian reassured him.
"Have a good spring break." Blaine smiled.
"You too. Again, I already said that. Call me when you're back and we'll meet up and go running or you know bashing women together." Adrian waved and then left.
Blaine laughed to himself as he wandered back over to the book section. He probably should have felt bad but he was way too amused for that.
…
Kurt strolled into a restaurant near his internship on the last day of classes, looking down at his watch. He had five hours before Blaine's flight landed, meaning he had roughly three and a half hours to kill.
"Hey, Kurt!" Alec said happily, coming up behind him. "How was the internship?"
"It was good. How was yours?" Kurt asked, taking a seat at an empty table.
"Long." Alec sighed, placing his stuff on an empty chair and sitting down as well. "How are you doing outside of school?"
"Are you asking Blaine wise?" Kurt questioned, pulling his cell phone out and placing it in front of him just in case something happened and Blaine needed him. Although at this point, any phone call would only be a frantic 'Something came up, I can't come, so so sorry' though so Kurt wasn't sure why he even wanted to leave it out. One more rejection and…
Kurt pushed the thought away.
"Well you never exactly told me what happened when he came to visit you, so I can only assume it wasn't… good." Alec admitted and then smiled when a waitress came up. "Can we both get slices of cheesecake, please? I want blueberry."
"And can mine be strawberry?" Kurt asked, smiling as well although it didn't meet his eyes.
"Sure thing." The waitress smiled and left them alone.
"Although," Alec continued. "I don't see how it could have been bad considering he surprised you by showing up and spending a day with you. That's so sweet. Eric never does stuff like that for me… At least, not much."
"I didn't tell you how it went because I was an idiot." Kurt sighed. "I mean, it went great until the end."
"What happened in the end? Walk me through it." Alec said, mentally preparing himself.
"Well when it was time to take him to the airport I got really depressed."
"Why?" Alec asked.
"What do you mean, why?"
"He spent all that money to buy a ticket to see you for one day. Do you know how much money that probably cost him?" Alec questioned.
"At the time I didn't see it that way." Kurt bit his lip. "It kind of gets worse. He told me to not act distant when we got to the airport, that we needed to make the best of our last few minutes."
"Which you should have." Alec nodded.
"Well I couldn't, okay? I told him that it was hard for me to not get distant when he's about to leave because he's always leaving… And then he said that when I am distant with him, it's like I'm punishing him. I'm not punishing him but it's his fault. He did this to us. He turned us into this. So I told him that he is the one that did it, not me."
"What do you think he did exactly?" Alec asked slowly.
"He turned us into this mess. If he weren't at Harvard, we would be living together and we wouldn't be going through all of this." Kurt attempted to explain.
Alec cringed. "No, Kurt. You didn't say that to him."
"I did and it's true. Harvard had never been in the plan. He thinks he can just take me to a nice dinner like he's going to propose and then announce he's going to move thirteen hours away and I'm supposed to be happy?" Kurt exclaimed.
"First of all, Kurt, you have got to let that go. He didn't know what you thought, okay? And he probably still doesn't. It's not fair to harbor resentment over that." Alec responded.
"I never said I was proud of it." Kurt frowned. "I just find it hard to be happy that he's showing up again only to leave again when we're supposed to be together."
"Going back to before… You're not supposed to be happy he's thirteen hours away. Shouldn't you be happy that he worked his butt off to get into a law school and that he got into the top one in the country? What you said… might kind of seem like him saying he wasn't happy you got into Parsons." Alec responded, voice gentle and non-accusatory. "Kurt… you didn't tell him that you weren't happy, did you?"
"I did. He asked me and I was honest. Then he just left. He wouldn't let me apologize or justify myself. And it's not even that I did anything wrong. I told the truth, how I felt, which is something we never do." Kurt ranted. "And he just walks off and gets on the freaking plane!"
"Well… how did you expect him to react? How would you have reacted? Do you blame him for that?" Alec asked.
"It's like you're taking his side." Kurt scoffed. "I'm always painted the immature one. Nobody cares that my heart is literally being ripped apart every day. Do you know how hard it is to be away from him?"
"When you said that to him, Kurt, did you think about what it meant?" Alec asked gently. "Telling him you weren't happy he left?"
"No."
"Because you were thinking only of yourself." Alec sighed. "You can't be so selfish when it comes to things like this. You can say the truth without hurting feelings or placing blame on a certain person. You're making the situation harder than it has to be and you probably really hurt his feelings. You miss him? Of course you do. It's understandable. Go out, do something else, finish your work earlier than you would have. Don't say things you know will hurt him when he came all this way to surprise you. Kurt, that was so sweet. What he did was so sweet."
"It's a little late for him to start being sweet."
"Maybe you shouldn't spend so much time worrying about what isn't happening and worry about what is." Alec said.
Kurt stared ahead for several seconds before tears filled his eyes. "It's t-too late."
"Too late for what?" Alec asked, raising his eyebrow but scooting closer.
"I-It's too late to worry about what is happening b-because I can't do it again." Kurt took several deep breaths.
"Wait, what?" Alec gasped.
"I c-c-can't handle it. I t-tried b-but I'm sick of h-hurting and h-hurting him b-because I'm h-hurting. I-I know I s-shouldn't have said it. I kn-knew then. A-And I f-feel horrible but I c-can't even a-apologize."
"Why?"
"Talking to him hurts. H-He's so beautiful and I l-love him so m-much but being w-with him is k-killing me. I just w-want to be h-happy and my h-happiness matters too. H-He'll be okay. H-He has his f-friends. H-He's smart. H-He'll find someone b-better." Kurt broke down in sobs as Alec pulled him into a hug. "I c-can't. I c-c-can't."
"Shh, calm down. Shh." Alec rocked him. "It's okay, Kurt. It's okay. Don't… Don't make any rash decisions."
"T-This isn't r-rash. I-I've debated since J-January. The fight." Kurt cried, clutching Alec's shirt in his hand tightly. "A-And dad tried to talk me out of it. I t-told him I'd t-talk to Blaine but I don't see anything g-getting better."
"Kurt, you have to talk to him."
"It hurts. I can't. It hurts too much. I can't do it. I can't." Kurt shook his head quickly. "I can't go to one more airport or say goodbye or have one more unanswered call or another goodbye kiss or another fight or… any. I just can't."
"Kurt, Kurt, Kurt, stop it. Stop."
"I don't know what to do." Kurt sobbed. "I l-love him. I l-love him and w-want to be w-with him but I c-can't handle it anymore. I d-don't want to ask h-him to leave H-Harvard b-but I can't handle the d-distance."
"It's hard but you can do it." Alec promised.
"No." Kurt said, voice firm. "I have d-done as much as I can. I'm past it. I can't. I can't do it. I can't."
Alec frowned and pulled Kurt in for another hug. "You're right. Your happiness matters and you have to do what's right for you… I'm so sorry, Kurt. I really am."
"M-Me too." Kurt cried into his chest, wanting nothing more than to go back to when he was sixteen and never, ever step foot in Dalton Academy. "Me too."
"Oh, Kurt, what's wrong?"
Kurt tensed, sitting up and seeing Derek. "N-Nothing."
"I couldn't help but overhear…" Derek said, taking a seat on Kurt's other side. "You know, it's probably for the best. Leaving him. You need someone close, someone who can fulfill your needs."
"Why don't you mind your own fucking business?" Kurt snarled, surprising himself. He wasn't sure what he was angrier about—the fact that someone apart from Alec saw him break down or that the someone in particular was Derek, who had really sent things spiraling down.
"I know you're going through a hard time, Kurt. Break ups are rough. Don't take it out on me."
"Take it out on you?" Kurt stood, wiping his eyes. "If it weren't for you saying what you did to Blaine, we never would have gotten into the fight that never really went away. How dare you listen in on my private conversation and think you can come over here and put your two cents in like you aren't happy, like you think I don't know why you want us to break up!"
Alec stood quickly. "Derek, it's not the best time."
"What did I do wrong?" Derek asked, watching Kurt with a look of sympathy on his face.
"Just go." Alec said, voice snappier than Derek or Kurt had ever heard it before. "It's not the best time for you to be around."
"It's not my fault that Kurt's boyfriend is sensitive."
Kurt moved forward, hand rising.
"Come on." Alex grabbed Kurt. "We're going."
Kurt snatched his bag off of his chair, resisting the urge to knock Derek's perfect teeth out of his head.
"Kurt, calm down." Alec said.
"It's not his business!" Kurt exclaimed.
"You're right." Alec agreed, taking Kurt to his car. "So don't worry about it."
"How am I supposed to do this?" Kurt asked, throwing his door open. "How do I break up with Blaine?"
"You don't. You talk to him, you hear what he has to say." Alec said. "You put everything on the table. You let him do the same. Then you two talk about it and come up with a decision—make up, break up, whatever. Do what's best for you but you… you have to make sure to make the right decision because you won't be able to go back from a break up. Ever."
"Yeah." Kurt got into his car.
"Kurt… It'll be okay. I'm here for you." Alec said, grabbing the door before he could close it. "Call me if you need anything, okay? Anytime."
Kurt forced a smile when Alec gave his hand a squeeze. "Thanks."
"Let me know how it goes." Alec squeezed his hand again and then backed away from the door, waving. "Bye."
"Bye." Kurt said, starting his car and pulling out after making sure Alec got safely into his car and that it had started.
This was going to be a long vacation.
…
"Hey, gorgeous."
Kurt, who had just walked into the airport, jumped and turned around. "Blaine?"
"My flight landed early." Blaine grinned, dropping his bag and throwing his arms around Kurt. "Hello."
"Hi." Kurt smiled a bit and wrapped his arms around Blaine, closing his eyes and taking in Blaine's scent.
"I missed you." Blaine mumbled into his hair and Kurt felt a kiss on the back of his neck.
"I always miss you." Kurt responded, feeling his stomach tie up in knots.
"I love you so much." Blaine pulled back and then kissed his forehead. "You okay?"
"Not really."
"What's wrong?" Blaine asked, looking concerned.
"Can we talk at home?" Kurt asked.
"Is everyone okay?"
"Everyone is fine." Kurt bent to kiss his cheek and then forced a smile.
"We'll talk as soon as we get home?" Blaine questioned.
"Yeah. That's probably best." Kurt took a deep breath and walked out to his car. "How was lunch with Adrian and that one girl?"
"I think I've realized that I probably shouldn't be allowed to talk to girls my own age. I'm pretty sure Ashleigh thinks I'm a douche." Blaine admitted.
"I find it hard to believe anybody would think that of you." Kurt said, feeling a rush go through him when Blaine grabbed his hand and kissed him. "Oh."
"Oh?" Blaine asked, laughing.
"Oh." Kurt leaned against the car, pulling Blaine close and kissing him again, hard.
"Kurt," Blaine pulled back. "Are we okay after the airport thing?"
"We'll talk about it later." Kurt said, pulling Blaine back to him again. "Now I just want to kiss you."
Blaine put his hands on Kurt's hips, kissing him back eagerly. "Okay."
Kurt moved forward, opening the back door.
"Really?"
"Yeah, maybe not." Kurt looked in his back seat, which had all kinds of school stuff in it.
"There's also the fact that there are some security guards over there eyeballing us." Blaine nudged his head to the left.
"I hate this state." Kurt huffed, moving out of the way so Blaine could set down his bags.
Blaine kissed his cheek before putting his bags in the back seat.
"Are you hungry?"
"No. I had lunch and then coffee before the plane." Blaine said.
…
Kurt closed the bedroom door after they got back from dinner out with the family, looking at Blaine's bags neatly sitting on the floor. He may have hated those bags more than airports. But right now he didn't hate anything more than himself.
"We need to talk." Kurt said.
"Let's talk." Blaine sat Indian style on the edge of the bed.
"Okay." Kurt let out a deep breath and sat at his desk chair, moving it across from Blaine and praying that this went well... praying that Blaine and he could work through their problems, make it work. It had to go well, it had to work.
"Kurt..." Blaine said slowly, looking at him with big hazel eyes. "I just... Okay, about the airport. I know we talked about it but it doesn't feel resolved."
"Nothing is ever resolved."
Blaine looked down at his hands and then back up at Kurt.
"Everything is pushed aside. It's always been pushed aside, but eventually it comes out and we fight and then we make it but you're so far away that it never gets to that point and I don't even know how to talk to you right now." Kurt said quickly. "I feel like I can't even breathe when you're gone because I miss you so much but when you're here..." He threw his hands in the air. "We fight and you leave and it makes it that much worse because then there is one more unresolved issue on our freaking mountain."
"I try to talk about stuff."
"No. You do what you always do. You shut me out and then I feel guilty, like I'm the one who caused everything. I shouldn't feel that way, though, because sometimes I'm not the one who causes it. Or I'll do something small and you just blow it way out of proportion that I just…" Kurt felt tears fill his eyes as he rambled.
"Kurt..."
"I want to talk things through because if we don't now... Then I..."
"Then what?"
"Then I don't know how we can work." Kurt's lip began to tremble.
"What?" Blaine asked, going pale. "What do you mean, you don't know how we can work? What are you talking about?"
"I need to tell you that... that I'm at my wits end."
"Wits end? I thought we were upset over small things."
"The small things have added up... and we can't seem to... fix them. And you're so far away and I just... If we're having these problems, and I'm struggling with the distance... and I should have told you I wasn't happy you were leaving, I should have voiced my opinion so we could work through it..."
"Yeah! You should have. You can't just sit me down and tell me you're at your— how did you say it? Wits end— over something I had no idea was an issue, and apparently is still in issue." Blaine's stomach knotted up and he stood, taking a deep breath. "I feel sick."
Kurt wiped his eyes. "Me too."
"So what? Is this going to be an ultimatum? Leave Harvard or you're done?" Blaine asked.
"No. I would never ask you to leave Harvard..." Kurt said, keeping his voice steady despite the fact that he was crying.
"Then what? I don't have money to come up more, Kurt. And you don't have money either. What am I supposed to do?"
"Maybe the distance wouldn't be so bad if we weren't fighting a lot." Kurt sniffled.
"Maybe we wouldn't be fighting so much if you didn't resent me for leaving!"
"Blaine, don't yell. Everybody is downstairs." Kurt pleaded.
"What then?"
"I miss you so much." Kurt let out a sob.
Blaine made his way over, bending and wrapping his arms around Kurt.
"I'm sad all of the time." Kurt cried, arms going around Blaine's waist as he sat. "I d-don't know what to d-do."
"We'll figure something out. Shh. Calm down and we'll figure it out together." Blaine whispered, stroking Kurt's hair.
Kurt began to cry louder, arms tightening around Blaine.
Blaine swallowed a lump in his throat and rubbed his hand up and down Kurt's back until he calmed down. "What do we need to do to fix this?"
"I don't know if it can be fixed." Kurt wiped his eyes and looked up at Blaine, who was standing by him with a hand on Kurt's shoulder.
"How does something get so bad that we can't fix it and I'm just finding out about it now?" Blaine asked, letting out a hollow laugh. "I can't work on something if you don't tell me what needs work, and what I need to do to make this work for both of us. And then to just be cornered...Over something I have no control over… How is that fair?"
"It's just too much to h-handle anymore." Kurt sniffled, making eye contact. "The missed calls, cancelled trips, distance..."
"I understand that it's hard but I'm not doing it to blow you off. I'm at Harvard. It's hard work, Kurt. Sometimes assignments come up out of nowhere, sometimes I just have too much work to get done that I don't have time..."
"For me."
"Yes." Blaine looked pained. "Sometimes I don't have time for you at the moment but I don't even have time for myself. Half the time I can't do my laundry, or I won't sleep for three days, or I don't have time to eat two let alone three meals a day. And let's play fair here. There are times I've been able to talk and you haven't. You've been busy with school too, Kurt... Getting ready for the senior fashion show, interning... Hell, you pick Melody up three or four days a week. I'm not the only one busy so don't paint it that way."
"So how come you're handling it better than me if that's the case?"
"Handling it better, Kurt? I'm not handling anything any better than you! I want to be with you every single day. It sucks that I can't see you or talk to you every minute I'm not at school. I miss everything from before. I miss being able to do homework together in bed or on the couch with Kreacher bouncing all over us, and driving the hour and a half to Lima once a week to see your family so we just had that time to talk about everything and nothing and just be. I miss it all and the fact that you think I'm just handling it better is infuriating. Just because I don't cry in front of you doesn't mean I don't cry! You don't know how many bad days I get upset and cry myself to sleep because I can't have a hug or a kiss! But because I don't do it in front of you doesn't mean I'm handling it better!"
"Why can't you talk to me about these things? If you would talk, if we could communicate—."
"Quit pinning it on me! You have nerve considering I'm not the only one with communication issues. Why didn't you talk to me?"
"You shut me out! You didn't talk to me for a month!"
"I am sorry. I am oh so very sorry for everything I have ever done wrong but don't bring it back up. That's not fair."
"Well everyone sure keeps bringing up my mistakes from the past."
"Like who?"
"My dad for one. I told him we were having issues and—"
Blaine let out a scoff. "Your dad knew about our issues before me? Since when?"
"Since after you came. That's when I talked to him." Kurt looked down.
"And Carole?"
"She doesn't know I'm this upset. I quit talking to her about it so much because she's close to you."
"So everybody knows about my relationship problems except me?" Blaine asked, voice rising. "How is that fair?"
"Maybe if you were here..."
"Grow up."
Kurt flinched.
"Me not knowing about your problems with me is not my fault because I'm not here. You sure don't have a problem texting me over other stuff, but important stuff? You don't think to bring up the fact that you're 'at your wits end'?" Blaine questioned. "Are you breaking up with me? Is that what this talk is?"
"I don't want it to be that." Kurt began to cry.
"But is it?" Blaine asked.
"No." Kurt shook his head, covering his mouth. "I-I want to f-fix it b-before it c-comes to that."
"Why did you not bring it up before?"
"Well between all of our other fights, where was I supposed to fit it in?"
Blaine let out another hollow laugh and began pacing.
"This is h-hard."
"What? Talking to me, the distance, being around me, what?" Blaine asked.
"All of it!"
"Then why are we here?"
"We love each other." Kurt sniffed.
"You were supposed to know this would be hard." Blaine said. "I did. Why do you think we freaking read those two books about making long distance work?"
"Well we didn't exactly stick to what it said, did we?" Kurt asked sarcastically.
"Fine. Why is talking to me right now hard? Why was talking to me weeks ago when you started feeling this way hard?"
"I have felt this way since January."
Blaine looked as though he had been kicked in the stomach. "Why couldn't you tell me?"
"I feel selfish... feeling this way when you're t-trying to make your d-dreams come true."
"My dream doesn't include you in Lima, Ohio crying and feeling this way because of me!" Blaine exclaimed. "That's why we talk, so we can fix it."
"I feel bad! You have done so much for me and I should be able to- to handle this but I d-don't know i-if I can anymore. I don't want to be s-selfish but I miss you so much. How am I supposed to look you in the face and s-say that this is... tearing me up inside?"
"It's not supposed to be easy, but neither is love or life or anything. If it was easy, it wouldn't be worth it!" Blaine exclaimed. "What we get out of this long distance will be worth what we're going through now, Kurt. It's hard but it will make us value what we have more."
"Maybe I can't see it that way." Kurt cried. "I have a hard time doing anything apart from school because all I can think about is how far away you are."
"Then keep yourself busy so you can't." Blaine said. "The first three weeks we were apart I felt like that but I started meeting people, doing things... and it helps. If I just sat in my apartment and stared at my textbooks all day, I'd probably feel just as sad as you do."
"This is more about us than me."
"No. It's not. Because everything you're saying to me goes back to you not being able to handle the distance. Kurt, I can try to get in extra time with you. I can try to get a job and save money to see you but then my grades are going to fall. I can try to stay up an hour later to talk to you but I'm already going on like five hours of sleep a night. I don't know what else I can do with what I have."
"And that's a problem." Kurt wiped his eyes. "Because there is nothing else I can do either."
"So what do you want to do then? Revisit every fight we've had?" Blaine asked.
"I don't know. I just don't want to lose you." Kurt took a deep breath. "I don't know what to do."
Blaine took a deep breath also. "I'm going to say this the best way that I know how."
Kurt watched him.
"You are the one with the problem here." Blaine said slowly. "I'm not saying this is your fault and not mine. I'm just saying that me... I had no idea you even felt this way until ten minutes ago. You are the only one that knows what you need to feel better. I can't read your mind and know what to do. So until you tell me what you need from me… there's no way I'll be able to fix it. But I love you and I'd do anything to not lose you… so when you figure it out… you should let me know. We can work on the fights, we can work on whatever we need to…"
Kurt nodded.
"I need to go for a walk or something. Just give me fifteen minutes." Blaine left the room, closing it quietly behind him. He took fifteen steps and then sat in the hallway, beginning to cry.
***LTC***
"You're up early."
Blaine looked up from his coffee the next morning when Carole walked in, still in her pajamas.
"I don't know if I ever actually fell asleep." Blaine said, voice emotionless.
"Did you and Kurt talk?" She asked.
"About problems everyone but me knew? Yeah." Blaine sighed and pushed his cup away as Carole sat by him. "I don't even know how to feel right now... I feel like we're..." he trailed off and shook his head.
"I take it the talk didn't go well?"
"Not particularly." Blaine let out a snort and rubbed his face. "Do you know that when I came the other week... I asked Burt for permission to marry him?"
Carole's eyes widened. "I didn't."
"Well I did and now I don't even know if Kurt wants to work on us." Blaine sighed. "I just... I don't know what to do, Carole."
"What did he ask you to do?"
"I don't even think he asked anything. It was more him telling me he couldn't handle it... I think h-he's gonna..." Blaine bit his lip hard, willing tears to not come. "B-Break up... w-with..."
Carole leaned forward, wrapping her arms around him. "Oh, hon, I'm sure he just wants to work on things."
"H-He said he didn't think o-our problems can be f-fixed." Blaine said. "It's like he wants us to fall apart instead of working on it... But I don't want to fall apart, I want to fix it, and h-he won't tell me how... So how am I supposed to think he even wants to be in this relationship anymore? And if he doesn't, wh-who the hell am I to k-keep him here?"
"Blaine, I know he wants to be in the relationship. He's missed you so much... to the point where I'm a little worried for him." Carole hugged him tightly. "I think you two need to figure something out, but I don't think he wants to break up."
"You didn't hear him last night." Blaine stood and took a deep breath as Burt came in.
"What's going on?"
"Nothing." Blaine said, leaving the room, hearing Carole whisper that he and Kurt had had a talk the night before and that she didn't think it had gone well.
Which, in Blaine's opinion, was the understatement of the century.
...
"What are we going to do?"
Kurt, who had barely sat up later that same morning, looked at Blaine.
"We've had this awkward tension for two days. It is things like this that are making things fester and causing these problems so I want to know what we plan to do to fix it." Blaine said.
Kurt rubbed his eyes, blinking a few times before taking a deep breath.
"If I leave Sunday and we're like this... I don't think we'll..." Blaine looked at the ceiling. "I don't think we'll make it. So please. What are we going to do?"
"I don't know." Kurt frowned. "I don't know what to do."
"We have to come up with something." Blaine commented, voice firm. "There is always an out and a solution. I want to find the solution and... I hope you do too."
"Of course I want to find a solution, Blaine. I love you." Kurt watched him carefully. "This is just so hard and I... I needed you to know I'm struggling. I want to fix it but I honestly don't know how."
Blaine sat on the edge of the bed. "Kurt, I can't say it any other way apart from I am sorry you feel like I shut you out or that you feel like we aren't in a real relationship. I keep thinking of what is the 'right' thing to say and I just... can't come up with anything. I want to find that perfect fix all response to what you said to me but..." he trailed off.
"I don't know why I feel this way. I'm so sad... all of the time. And you come around and I'm so happy, and then I'm so sad... Maybe it's just me..." Kurt trailed off himself, swallowing. He then sat up a little straighter. "I love you so much. I want it to work more than anything, I do. But I feel stuck in a rut with no way out. Even when I'm happy, I know in a few hours or days... that it will all go away. And I feel horrible for not being happy you're off at Harvard. It's selfish to want you to myself, I know you need to do this... and I don't know why I can't just be happy, but all I can do is miss you. But you're just away with your best friend, meeting new people, doing new things, being independent and it's like... I miss last year. Last year was such a good year."
Blaine watched Kurt carefully, hating how he frowned and swallowed hard. He nudged Kurt, attempting a smile. "Last year was a good year, Kurt. You're right... but this... when you're done in Parsons, I'll be done with Harvard, and then we're going to have so many years together. We'll live together and there will be more happy years... and you can't just think of this as bad. It's a good thing, Kurt. You need to go to New York on your own. It's... your destiny. It always has been."
"What if that's not my destiny anymore?"
"You need to stop and listen to yourself." Blaine said gently. "You love CCAD. Your grades are amazing, you're at the top in your classes with the exception of one, you are on a partial scholarship to Parsons, you have people offering you internships once you get up there. How are you telling me that this isn't your destiny?"
"It's hard without you."
"It's hard without you too. I'm not just partying it up in Boston, Kurt. I miss you every single day. Some days if I'm upset and can't talk to you because you're in class or want to hug you because you're so far away... sometimes I get really sad too. With or without Wes there. I feel really alone sometimes. I'm trying to make friends and meet people and do new things and keep busy... if I wasn't keeping busy, I'd be so much worse off." Blaine watched Kurt carefully.
"I stay busy with the internship and school and Melody."
"But what do you do when you're not working or watching her?" Blaine asked.
"Get really sad." Kurt swallowed hard again, blinking rapidly.
Blaine reached over, grasping Kurt's hand. "You should hang out with Alec more."
"We try to but it's hard when I only have such a limited time before I have to go and get Melody. Or when I have some big assignment due." Kurt looked down. "And a lot of the time I think, 'Is this worth it, being away from Blaine?'"
Blaine opened his mouth.
"What happens when we graduate?" Kurt demanded. "Where do we go? You don't want to live in a big city and I would be pretty limited to New York and California... the two places you don't want to live the most."
"We'll figure it out."
"Why didn't we figure it out before?" Kurt stood.
"Because it's going to work out. Sometimes you can't plan, Kurt. Sometimes you have to just trust that everything will be okay." Blaine said gently.
"And if everything isn't okay?"
"Then there's more work to do, but it's not hopeless." Blaine looked away. "I never once thought it wouldn't work out. I've never once wondered if we'd make it. To me, there isn't an option but to make it and... be happy with everything. Kids, family, dream jobs... I would rather suffer a little bit now and have amazing things later. And I'm not just talking Harvard. I'm talking this, right here, right now. Working on us to make sure..."
Kurt swallowed again and nodded. "Don't you worry?"
"About getting a job right now? And an internship? And money for food and rent? Yes. In the future about getting a job, finding a perfect house with a yard? Yes. But about whether or not you and I will be okay? Never." Blaine said confidently.
"That makes me feel even worse." Kurt pulled his knees to his chest and buried his face in them, hand still gripping Blaine's.
Blaine leaned over him, kissing the back of his neck. "Why?"
"It feels so hopeless." Kurt mumbled.
"It's not hopeless." Blaine promised. "We will never be hopeless."
Kurt nodded his head, still not looking up.
"I can't wait to see how our lives turn out. I really can't." Blaine swallowed. "My life has been pretty shitty and then you came along and... I can't picture it without you. I don't want to."
Kurt looked up and into his eyes. "I love you."
"I love you too." Blaine smiled, still somewhat anxiously.
Kurt leaned over, pressing a quick kiss to his lips
"Do you feel better?"
"I don't know. Sometimes I'll think I do and then I feel ten times worse when I'm alone again." Kurt admitted.
"Well, we'll have to try to fix that."
"I've been trying." Kurt frowned.
"That's why we will try to work on it together." Blaine smiled and squeezed Kurt's knee, similar to how he had squeezed his leg in the common room all those years ago at Dalton when he had been afraid Pavarotti was going to die. Kurt chose to not dwell on the fact that he had been right, Pavarotti had ended up dying, and that he was afraid their relationship might die too. He was already sad enough without searching for parallels.
Kurt forced a smile, just like the smile he had forced back then when he wanted to do anything but smile.
"Kurt, it's going to be okay." Blaine promised.
Kurt didn't respond, just leaned against Blaine and took in a deep breath.
***LTC***
"If there is one thing worse than reading about boring trials, it's reading about even more boring mistrials." Blaine complained two more days later when Kurt came into the kitchen.
"We got something in the mail." Kurt sighed, holding out an opened envelope.
"We just a letter, we just got a letter, we just got a-." Blaine trailed off when Kurt didn't even crack a smile. "Come on, that was funny. The situation practically begged for it."
Kurt rolled his eyes but at least forced a smile... but it was a fine line between smile and grimace, which is what it turned into when Blaine pulled out the card.
"Invitation to Finn and Rachel's wedding." Blaine said. "Hey, did you know that one of the Warblers got married last weekend? He was a freshman when you were there. The redhead?"
Kurt made a noise in the back of his throat but didn't speak.
"Isn't Labor Day weekend a kind of odd time to have a wedding?" Blaine asked, confused. "And is it really in New York?"
"Rachel is hoping people will travel to see the wedding if it's on a three day weekend." Kurt sighed. "At this rate, Mercedes will get married before me and she basically started her relationship online."
"First, that is more than a little offensive. Second, I can assure you David is nowhere near proposing." Blaine retorted.
"Why is he nowhere near proposing?" Kurt asked defensively.
"I don't know details but it sounds like they're starting to get on each other's nerves. I don't ask him about them and he doesn't ask me about us."
Kurt scowled.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Blaine asked.
"Nothing. Nothing is wrong." Kurt sighed.
"Kurt, come on. We agreed to talk about things so they don't fester."
"Rachel is getting married." Kurt said. "Rachel and Finn are getting married. Rachel still wears cat sweaters and Finn can't use a microwave and they're getting married."
Blaine laughed a bit. "It's pretty funny."
"It's not funny. It's pathetic that they are married and I..."
Blaine's smile faded.
"I can't do this right now." Kurt stood, pushed his chair in, and stormed upstairs.
Blaine got up, following him into his room. "Kurt, I didn't mean to upset you by laughing."
"You don't get it. You really don't get it." Kurt said from his desk, sitting his phone down much harder than necessary.
"What? What don't I get?" Blaine asked.
"I don't know why we even bother! You can't even get up the nerve to propose!"
Blaine stepped back as if he'd been punched in the stomach. "What?"
"It's been five years!" Kurt exclaimed. "It's been five years and we are such a poor excuse of a couple!"
"What?" Blaine asked, his blood running cold.
"We never talk. We never see each other. When we do, we fight. I'm tired of feeling like this and getting nothing in return."
"N-Nothing in return?" Blaine's voice rose. "Excuse you?"
"I can't."
"You can't what Kurt?"
"I can't do it anymore! I can't do this day in and day out for the rest of my life! Waiting around for you, crying myself to sleep every single night, hating myself for the way I feel and the things I think!" Kurt exclaimed.
"You can't do it anymore? What is it?" Blaine asked, tears stinging his eyes.
"Us! You can't even commit to me and I'm sitting here doing this to myself? I'm such an idiot!"
"No!" Blaine cried, bending down and fishing something out of his bag. "I can't commit, Kurt? I can't commit?"
"No!"
"THEN WHY DID I GO OUT AND TAKE OUT YET ANOTHER LOAN FOR AN ENGAGEMENT RING WHEN YOU CAN'T EVEN COMMIT TO DATING ME UNTIL I GRADUATE LAW SCHOOL?" Blaine shouted, tossing a blue box in Kurt's direction. "BUT I CAN'T COMMIT!"
Kurt stared, mouth hanging open.
"Nothing in return?" Blaine asked, voice cracking. "I don't know what else I could have given."
"Blaine, we aren't working."
"Great." Blaine let out something between a laugh and a sob, dialing on his phone. He recited Kurt's address and then hung up. "Don't worry about us working anymore. You don't have to cry over not seeing me anymore, Kurt, because I will never see you again!"
"This isn't only my fault!" Kurt yelled.
"Oh? Do y-you see me b-breaking up with y-you?" Blaine demanded. "I can't bel-believe…"
Kurt turned around, facing the wall.
Blaine tossed his things into his bag, pleading with himself to not cry. Not until he was away from Kurt. He needed to get away from Kurt.
How was he supposed to move when his life was shattering?
"You can't tell me you haven't thought of it!"
"No because some of us don't always look for an out when things aren't easy!" Blaine exclaimed. "If you would spend half as much time seeing us for what we are that you do, wishing we were picture perfect, m-maybe you could get your h-head out of t-the clouds and r-realize you had s-something good!"
"Maybe last year it was good but Blaine… nothing has been good about this last year. I feel like I can't even breathe, I can't sleep, I am so upset all of the time." Kurt said, struggling to not cry. "I love you, I do."
"If you loved me a fraction as much as I love you, Kurt, y-you w-wouldn't be d-doing this." Blaine said, lip trembling. "You don't love me. The only person you love is yourself."
"That's not true, Blaine."
Blaine turned, rushing out of Kurt's bedroom and the house.
"Wait!" Kurt yelled, stumbling down the stairs. "Blaine, wait!"
He heard a car, his stomach feeling as though it fell to his feet.
No, no, no, no.
He threw the door open, running out onto the porch, looking for Blaine. He was gone.
Kurt slid down on the porch steps, taking several deep breaths.
What had he done?
Had he really just broken up with Blaine?
Why did everything around him suck lately?
…
Blaine didn't care that he looked pathetic, could barely see, and that his face was sticky with tears. He had thought maybe the half hour ride to the airport would clear his mind, would help him feel like everything would be okay, but instead it had had the opposite effect. Instead, he just wanted to crawl into a hole and die.
"I n-need a ticket to Boston." He sniffled after waiting in a fifteen minute line, pulling out his ID and his credit card, making a mental note to call Alex and explain why he was using the emergency credit card.
"The next flight is in eight hours." The woman behind the desk said, cheery smile not leaving her face despite the fact that Blaine looked (and felt) like his world was ending.
"Fine." Blaine pushed the cards forward, wiping his eyes and taking a steadying breath. If he could make it through the line, get his tickets, find some food…
Like he could eat right now.
It was hard to breathe, but he couldn't have a nervous breakdown in a line in the middle of the airport in front of hundreds of strangers. He wasn't that pathetic. Then again, he thought, maybe he was. He wasn't sure what he knew anymore because apparently the last six years of his life had been a freaking lie.
What was he doing?
Why was he at the airport? Going to an empty house in Boston for three more days? That spelled disaster.
"Is the amount okay?" The woman prompted, looking annoyed at this point.
"Uh… never mind." Blaine sniffled, pulling his ID and credit card back before getting out of the line.
"You can't just do that!" she called after him.
He went down a hallway, setting his stuff down on the floor and pulling out his phone.
Wes.
He had to call Wes.
David would probably handle it better, but he couldn't deal with an "I told you so." Not right then, not when… when Kurt…
He couldn't think about it.
His battery was low.
He'd meant to charge it last night, he had, but then he and Kurt had gotten Melody ready for bed and…
Melody.
He hadn't even said goodbye.
Kurt and he had been the only ones home, but shouldn't he have left a note? Something?
Saying what exactly? 'You were like my little sister. Sorry you'll never see me again. I love you.'?
And Carole. He was close to her. Maybe too close for just being her stepson's boyfriend, but he loved Carole and Burt too.
They were like his family.
He felt like he had just lost his family.
No. He couldn't think about it. He just needed Wes.
"Hello?" Wes said after five rings.
"W-W-Wes, I-Iairportleasegemme." Blaine said, beginning to sob. He really was pathetic.
"Blaine, Blaine, calm down, I can't understand you. Blaine…" Wes said loudly over Blaine's sobs and gasping. "Blaine, what's wrong?"
Blaine took a deep breath, trying to calm himself enough to speak to where Wes could understand. "H-H-He—W-we—I—I'm at the a-airport a-and—."
"But you were in Lima with Kurt. What's going on?"
"C-C-Can y-you c-come and g-get me? W-Wes, I n-need… I… oh my God." Blaine dissolved into more tears, no longer able to even speak.
"Blaine, are you at the Lima airport? Did you just say you were at the airport?" Wes asked loudly.
Blaine could hear people in the background asking hurried questions. Of course. Wes wasn't being particularly quiet and Wes was surrounded by family. Everybody but him got to spend school breaks with family and Blaine was here, single, alone, and in an airport. This was just something else he ruined for himself.
"Why are you at the airport? What's going on? Are you okay?" Wes questioned, utterly confused.
"I almost g-g-got a ticket t-to Boston." Blaine choked out. His words were barely understandable again. How long before he couldn't speak?
"Are you going home? Do you not want me to come get you? I'm really confused, Blaine…"
"D-Don't make me go h-home. I-I don't want to b-be alone, W-Wes." Blaine's voice reached a new level of hysterics. "T-There's no one there. I d-don't want to be a-alone, Wes. Please."
"Okay, okay, I'm not going to make you go home." Wes said quickly, swatting his mother's reaching hand away. "I'll call David and we'll both come to get you."
"No!" Blaine yelped. "N-Not David, please, j-just you!"
"Why not David?"
"H-H-He'll… mad… p-please, Wes, just you. That's w-why I called you." Blaine pleaded. "Please, please, I can't, I can't."
"I've got to go get Blaine. Something's happened. I need your phone." Wes said in a hushed voice. "Hold mine. Don't say anything. If he talks, just give it back to me."
His mother nodded and traded cell phones with Wes.
Wes may have been perceived as not so smart by some (or many), but he knew Blaine. And he knew that if something was big enough for Blaine to call crying, that Blaine would need both David and Wes. Then there was also the fact that he didn't want to deal with David's wrath of not being in-the-know immediately but that was another story. But most importantly, if Blaine needed Wes, Blaine also needed David. They dealt with this stuff together, as a team. And if Wes' suspicions were right, if Kurt and Blaine had split up, there was no way Wes would be able to handle this on his own.
"David—yes, I know it's dinner time—listen, it's Blaine. He's hysterical. We've got to go get him." Wes said, voice still hushed. He didn't want to think of the consequences of Blaine knowing he went to David before the fact. He couldn't risk Blaine going off somewhere or, worse, going home to an empty house where he would be left alone with his thoughts and maybe even contemplate... No. Blaine wasn't going home alone.
"Wait, what?" David asked.
"Just get here, David. And hurry. Blaine needs us."
"I'll be right there." David said without hesitation, hanging up.
Wes took the phone back from his mother, going to fetch his keys and wallet. It would take David several minutes to reach Wes' house anyways, and he had to keep Blaine talking. There was no way he was going to let Blaine get off of the phone. Blaine was not speaking, just watery hiccoughing and sniffling. But it was enough to calm Wes' nerves because at least he was there.
"Blaine?" he asked, voice soft.
"Y-Yeah?"
"I'm going to come and get you. I'll be on the way in just a minute. Can you do me a favor and stay on the phone with me until I get there?"
"O-Okay." Blaine let out a watery hiccough. "B-But my battery is really l-low."
"Just stay where you are and don't leave." Wes said, grabbing a box of Kleenex's off of a table in their hallway.
"O-Okay." Blaine let out a tiny whimper and then fell silent clutching the phone to his ear as if it was his lifeline.
And in that moment, maybe it was.
…
"Took you long enough." Wes hissed, not even letting David make it to the door.
"What the hell is going on?" David asked, rushing to Wes' car with him.
Wes covered his mouth and quickly shook his head. "You still there, Blaine? You okay?" Wes waited for an answer and his face almost looked pained. "Don't apologize, Blaine. I'll be there soon, I'm on my way."
"What—."
Wes pushed a button on his phone, jumping into the car. "It's on mute. Kurt and Blaine broke up."
"What?"
"He hasn't said it but nothing else would make him this way. He's too hysterical to say anything. He told me not to call you but clearly he needs both of us. He's at an airport in Lima." Wes backed out a little too quickly, nearly hit a mailbox, corrected his car, and began to drive quickly. "Put it into the GPS. I made him stay on the phone because—because he's scaring me. It wasn't even this bad when he first got kicked out of his parent's house, David, and you know how bad he was then. He sounds like—what are you doing?"
"I'm calling Kurt to find out what in the hell—."
"No. You. Are. Not." Wes yanked David's cell phone out of his hand. "This is why he didn't want you to know. The problem right now isn't Kurt. Look, you know how Blaine is about Kurt. Kurt is like everything to him. And I don't know what to do. I just know that traffic needs to move faster!"
"I can't believe this. And on Spring Break? Really? Right before his first finals at Harvard?" David said, glaring. "He couldn't wait until summer? Really?"
"We can jump aboard the Kurt Sucks Ship after we know Blaine's okay. I know you're protective of him. I know you're out for blood right now. I'm pissed too. This is Blaine we're talking about. But that's why you have to hold off before you talk to Kurt. Because Blaine needs us." Wes looked down and un-muted the phone. "Blaine, still there?"
"Drive faster." David mouthed, pointing at the wheel.
"I'm going as fast as I can." Wes said very calmly and at first David wasn't sure if he was talking to Blaine or himself. "I'll be there soon, Blaine. Just don't hang up, okay? No, Blaine, stop talking like that—Blaine—don't you dare hang up the phone and if you even think about leaving that airport, so help me God—no, no, don't start crying. Shit." He pressed mute again. "I'm not the one that deals with him like this!"
"He's not going to leave." David said very calmly. "He's just upset and talking. Just tell him that you'll be there soon and that it's going to be okay. Tell him it will be okay."
Wes nodded and took a deep breath. He un-muted the phone and also turned the speaker on. "Blaine?"
"W-What?" David heard Blaine sniffle. He could hear the shudder in Blaine's voice alone.
"It's going to be okay." Wes said firmly.
There was a pause and a tiny whimper. "O-Okay."
"It's going to be okay." Wes repeated. "I'll be right there."
…
"He's over there." David nudged Wes' arm and pointed after what seemed like years of driving when it had only been, in fact, nearly two hours. The airport was mostly deserted apart from three receptionists behind a desk.
Wes looked in the direction David pointed to. Blaine was sitting on one of the many benches, knees pulled to his chest and his face buried in them. His phone lay disregarded on the chair next to him.
"I'm going to kill Kurt." Was all David said before making his way over to Blaine. He moved Blaine's phone, and put his hand on his friend's back.
Blaine looked up, face puffy and red from crying. Wes kneeled in front of Blaine, looking up at him.
"M-My phone d-died. I d-didn't hang up." Blaine whimpered.
"We figured." Wes said quietly, moving Blaine's bag off of the other chair and sitting on his other side.
"K-Kurt broke up with me." Blaine squeezed his eyes shut but it did not stop several tears from falling. "H-He broke up with m-me and I don't know w-what to do."
"That's what we're here for." David said gently, reaching up and ruffling his hair. He found himself thankful that the airport was almost empty and that the two receptionists were well out of earshot and busy texting.
"I'm sorry, Blaine." Wes added softly, grabbing his hand and squeezing it in a brotherly way. "But it's going to be okay.
"We promise." David said firmly.
"I'm sorry I r-ruined s-spring break." Blaine gasped out, trying to hold in his sobs.
"Shut up." David said, wrapping his arms around Blaine in a hug. "You didn't ruin anything, Blaine. You're more important to us than lazing around."
"Although I hope you're grateful. Mom had just finished dinner." Wes said, attempting to give Blaine a lopsided grin.
Blaine pulled his hand from Wes' and covered his face, dissolving into loud sobs. "Oh my God. Oh my God. H-He broke up with me."
"Hey, hey, hey." David said, pulling one of his hands down and nodding at Wes who pulled the other one down. "You were more than just your relationship, Blaine. This sucks. It's horrible and I am so sorry you're feeling like this right now."
"D-D-Did you know?" Blaine choked out.
"What?" David questioned, eyebrow rising.
"K-Kurt. H-He tells Mercedes everything. D-Did she tell you?"
"I don't think Mercedes knew it, Blaine." David answered quietly, still holding tightly onto Blaine's left hand.
"E-E-Everyone else k-knew w-w-we were having problems, but I d-didn't." Blaine cried. "A-And I wanted to w-work at it a-and he s-said he did but th…"
Wes stood and pulled Blaine out of the uncomfortable blue plastic chair, wrapping his arms around the shorter boy in a tight hug. "I don't know what to say, Blaine. I'm sorry."
Blaine stood limp for several minutes before he wrapped his arms around Wes, his head burrowing in the crook between Wes' neck and shoulder.
"It's okay." David said quietly, rubbing his back as his shoulders shook. "It's okay, Blaine. Look… Look… Hey, Blaine, look at me."
Blaine lifted his head up and blinked at his tall friend.
"We're going to go get in the car and go back to Westerville. We'll decide whose house we go to when we get closer."
"Maybe we'll get some Kleenexes first." Wes said, going over and snatching several out of a box on a small table in the airport lobby. "I have a box in the car."
"I d-didn't even say anything. I c-called a taxi after he said it b-but we kept fighting until it was there and then I just grabbed my b-bags and left. I didn't even say goodbye t-to…"
"It's okay. I don't think anyone would expect you to say goodbyes after that…" David said, leading Blaine out to the car while Wes carried his bags.
"We need to text our parents when we get back to the car and let them know Blaine is with us." Wes said.
"In you get." David said, pointing.
Wes put Blaine's bags in after him and rummaged through his bags until he found Blaine's phone charger. "You should sit in the back with him, David."
"Planned on it." David said, moving Blaine's bags to the floor and sliding in next to him.
An hour of complete silence passed before Blaine finally stopped crying. He stared ahead, head leaning against the window and sniffling periodically.
"Blaine, are you going to tell us what happened?" Wes asked, briefly looking at Blaine through his rearview mirror. As he spoke he made sure to not say Kurt's name, as if that would somehow make it easier for Blaine to talk about it. "Why did you get a ticket to Boston? How long were you at the airport?"
"A-An hour before I called you. I was going to go home b-but then I remembered that even the Asshole is gone a-and you were at home and I didn't want to b-be completely alone, so… so I… I just needed y-you two." Blaine wiped his eyes as more tears filled them.
"Why did you tell him to not tell me?" David asked quietly.
"I d-don't want you to k-kill him." Blaine let out a watery hiccough.
"He deserves it." David muttered darkly.
Wes nodded in agreement. He had always liked Kurt, but how could he argue with David when Blaine had been crying for at least three hours by now.
"But what exactly happened?" David asked when Blaine offered no more information.
"The other d-day he was t-telling me he w-was struggling with the d-distance and we ha-had this plan to w-work o-on us. I d-didn't even know anything w-was wrong b-but everyone else d-did. And we h-had the p-p-plan b-but he g-got mad o-over Rachel's w-wedding a-a-and said I c-couldn't co-commit and h-he couldn't d-do 'us' anymore." Blaine cried. "He broke up w-with me. He l-left me."
David stared ahead, glaring. Wes made a clicking noise with his tongue. It was wrong to hate… It was wrong to hate…
"I tried so hard. I tried s-so hard and it just w-wasn't enough for him and i-it was never going to be enough b-because w-who am I joking? H-He's m-meeting all these con-connections and he wants this h-huge lifestyle a-and I'm not g-good enough for that."
"Blaine, don't be an idiot." Wes said sharply. "You are good enough for anyone. Kurt wasn't good enough for you."
"W-Why c-can't I…" Blaine covered his whole face, beginning to sob again. This was ridiculous. He felt like a teenage girl. But he also felt like his life had been shattered. Kurt was all he had. He left UK for Kurt. He lived 2 hours away from his school for Kurt. He gave up things for Kurt, for their relationship. He knew Kurt had given up a lot too. Compromises had been made on both sides and he didn't mean to negate those. At the same time, though, it was Kurt who ended the relationship. Not Blaine. Kurt.
God, he was stupid. So very stupid.
"I-If I'd never gone to Harvard—."
"It's Harvard." Wes said. "You got into Harvard. If Kurt can't appreciate how damn hard you worked to keep up, graduate on time, and to get into that school then maybe he doesn't deserve the life you would have been able to give him after you graduate."
"A-And it's not even only Kurt. That's horrible e-enough but W-Wes, I l-love his family. C-Carole h-has been so amazing an-and B-Burt's been so g-good too and Melody… And I felt like… like I belonged… a-after all that s-shit with my family, I f-felt like I w-was part of theirs, and n-now…"
"Everything happens for a reason, Blaine." David said gently.
"W-What am I supposed to do?" Blaine asked as they pulled into Wes' driveway. "I don't kno-know what to do."
"That's why you have us." Wes put the car into park and turned to face Blaine.
Blaine forced the most pitiful smile they had ever seen, wiping his eyes. "I l-l-love you guys."
"Hey now, don't go there." David teased.
Blaine let out a watery laugh, wiping his eyes again.
"And hey… maybe you and Kurt will make up. You two always take fighting to the extreme." Wes added.
"No." David said sharply, sending Wes a look. "That's not what he needs to hear right now."
"I wouldn't take him back." Blaine sniffled. "N-Not after he gave up on us… on me. I-It's not going to happen"
They all three looked up as Wes' mother rushed out. "Blaine, sweetie…"
"Hey, Jess." Blaine got out of the car and allowed himself to be pulled into her arms, trying his hardest not to wish it was Carole hugging him instead. He needed to just get over it because that was never going to happen again.
…
Five hours.
That is how long Kurt had spent calling Blaine, getting no answer, leaving a voicemail, and then texting him. Begging him to please talk, to answer, to let him fix what he'd done.
"Please pick up, Blaine. Please." Kurt pleaded into his cell phone, feeling more than hopeless but still unable to stop. Because he had fucked up. He had fucked up bad and he needed to fix it right then. Right then when he still could. "Blaine, I didn't… Fuck. Please answer and call me back. I love you, Blaine. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please. I need you."
"This subscriber's voicemail is full. Please try back again later."
Kurt threw his phone across the room, tears filling his eyes.
Five hours and now his voicemail was full. Blaine never even checked his voicemails, never, but Kurt needed Blaine to know he was sorry, wanted to take it back, wanted Blaine, wanted them, wanted things to go back to how they were five hours ago.
What was he supposed to do?
He had just made the biggest mistake of his life and he was sure if he talked to Blaine, that Blaine would take him back, would love him still, but Blaine wouldn't answer.
Where had Blaine gone? To the airport? To Wes'? David's?
How had Kurt done this? He kept trying not to think of Blaine's face, his tears, the ring he had bought. Thinking about it made him feel ten times worse and he already felt beyond horrible.
He picked up his phone, dialing Blaine's number one last time. This time it didn't even ring before the voice started out, "This subscriber's voicemail is full. Please try back again later." Blaine had shut off his phone. If nothing else, he knew Blaine had seen the missed calls, seen the messages.
Seen them and turned off his phone instead of answering any of the voicemails or texts.
He deserved it.
Kurt knew he did.
At this rate, it would be a miracle if he was ever face to face with Blaine again.
Kurt turned his phone over in his hands a few times and then sniffled loudly, feeling hollow inside.
"Boys, we're home!" Carole suddenly called up the stairs. They were finally home.
"Yeah, boys!" Melody giggled loudly. "We're hooome!"
"Go get 'em." Kurt heard Burt chuckle.
"KUUUUUURT! BLAAAAAAAAINE!" Melody screeched running up the stairs and coming to a halt outside of Kurt's door.
Go let her in, Kurt thought but couldn't make himself move. Because moving, letting them in, would lead to questions. Wasn't Blaine leaving in three days? Had he left without a ride? Where had he gone?
He stood, wiped his eyes, and opened the door.
"Kurt, hon, what's wrong?" Carole asked, looking concerned.
Melody ran past him, not even noticing. "Where's Blaine?"
"Blaine… isn't here, sweetie." Kurt sniffed a bit and took a deep breath. He tried to make his voice sound as normal as he could and he must have at least somewhat succeeded since his father began to ask him a question from down the ball.
"Where'd he go? To visit his friends in Westerville?" Burt came to a halt in the doorway. "What's wrong?"
"I broke up with him." Kurt looked down. "H-He left."
Burt looked behind him, as if expecting Blaine to jump out and yell "FOOLED YOU! WE GOT ENGAGED!"
"You what? He what?" Burt asked.
"Where'd Blaine goooo?" Melody tugged at Kurt's hand. "Kurt, Kurt, Kurt, where's Blaine? Did he go back to dogger school?"
"Blaine went byebye." Carole said, moving past Kurt and bending down by Melody.
"To dogger school?" She tilted her head, confused.
"Yes, hon. He went back to law school." Carole nodded, brushing back some of her hair.
"Okay! Kurt can play with me!"
"I d-don't wanna p-play right now, M-Mellie." Kurt said, trying his hardest not to begin crying in front of her.
"Does your tummy hurt?"
"Y-Yeah." Kurt nodded, feeling Burt squeeze his shoulder.
"Tummy rub?" Melody reached up, patting his tummy.
"Honey, mommy will play with you. Go and get your dolls and I'll be right there, okay?" Carole asked gently, nudging her in the direction of the door.
"Okay!" Melody sped off.
"Sweetie…" Carole said, going closer. "Are you alright?"
"I just ruined my life. I'm not really okay." Kurt whispered, voice void of emotion.
Carole pulled him into a hug.
"H-H-He had a r-r-ring." Kurt sobbed into her shoulder. "A-And I s-said he c-couldn't commit and h-he h-had a r-ring and I m-m-messed it up. I-I tried to s-stop him but he was g-gone and h-he t-turned off h-his phone after I t-texted and c-called and I-I have no idea i-if he's in B-Boston or O-Ohio and I don't know what to do."
"It's going to be okay, hon." Carole rubbed her hand up and down his back in an attempt to soothe him.
"Y-You have to c-call him. H-He'll listen to you. He'll a-answer for you." Kurt pulled back, wiping his eyes. "H-He's close to you. I k-know he'll… I know he'll listen to you."
"I don't think Carole or I calling Blaine will have the effect you want, kid." Burt said gently. "He probably wouldn't answer and if he did, it might upset him more."
"I-It wouldn't." Kurt argued.
"Sweetie… Blaine is the type of person who likes to have space when he's upset. If we tried to call right now, he might feel ambushed or it may make him feel worse." Carole squeezed Kurt's arm.
"Are you sure, Kurt? It was a break up?" Burt questioned.
"Burt…" Carole hissed, shaking her head.
"I-I'm the one that said it, Dad. So yes." Kurt's lip trembled. "I think I need to be alone right now if that's okay."
"Of course, hon." Carole nodded, dropping her hand. "I'll bring you up some dinner in a little bit."
"I'm not really hungry." Kurt sniffled. "But thanks."
"You know where to find us if you need us, kid." Burt stepped closer, pulling Kurt into a tight hug. "Everything will work out, bud."
Kurt nodded into Burt's shoulder, swallowing when Burt and Carole left the room.
He didn't really want to be alone at all.
He just wanted Blaine.
***LTC***
"What happened?" Alec asked, getting out of his car early the next morning.
"I broke up with him." Kurt shrugged his shoulders and then burst into tears.
"You texted me two days ago and said things were going to be fine…" Alec came up Kurt's porch and pulled him into a hug.
"H-He's ignoring m-my calls. His voicemail is f-full. He's not t-texting me b-back or em-emailing. I don't k-know where h-he is o-or I-I'd go f-find him." Kurt cried. "I w-want him back."
"Maybe you need to give him some time?"
"The more t-time that p-passes th-the harder it will b-be to get him back. I h-have to get him back." Kurt pulled away.
"What are you going to do? He could be back in Boston by now."
"I'm going to call his b-brother. And find out where Da-David and Wes live. I-If he's n-not in Ohio, I'm going to g-go to Boston." Kurt turned, going into the house.
"Kurt… If he's not answering your calls… he doesn't want to be bothered." Alec said gently. "You need to respect that."
"If I respect that, I'll never see him again! He said he'd never see me again!" Kurt cried. "Don't you un-understand that he is e-everything to me?"
"What good will forcing him to see you do? You said yourself his friends are protective. They probably wouldn't let you see him anyway." Alec reasoned.
"I have to!"
"It's already been done."
"I can fix it. I can. I'm going to try harder. I'm going to get a job and get money to go see him more and—."
"Kurt, you don't have time for a job. The fashion show is coming up. Then you'll be going to New York right after." Alec frowned. "If he doesn't want to talk to you… you need to let him cool down…"
"No. He'll talk to me. When he sees me, he'll talk to me." Kurt argued. "And it'll be okay."
"You broke up with him." Alec whispered. "That isn't like a normal fight."
"Don't s-say that. Anything can be fixed."
"In time, maybe… but don't go corner him. If you call his brother to get that information… What if his brother doesn't know yet? What if Blaine doesn't want him to know yet? What if Blaine doesn't want to see you?" Alec asked.
"You're the one that said I needed to try to work on it, to not just give up because we're having problems. You said we could last." Kurt argued. "He will want to see me."
"Would you want to see you if the roles were reversed?"
"It's not like I cheated. I just said something stupid."
"Cheating is easier to get over than giving up on a relationship…"
Kurt began to cry loudly, throwing his phone onto the coffee table. He really needed to stop that if he didn't want to buy a new phone with money he didn't have. When had he became the person who throws stuff around?
"Do you want my advice?" Alec asked, sitting by him.
"Y-Yes." Kurt nodded, trying to stop crying. How were there still this many tears to cry?
"The last time you kept trying to force Blaine to talk, it made things worse. Give him a few days and then just send a text." Alec frowned. "But he may not answer and you need to be prepared for that."
"But I want to talk to him and t-tell him how s-sorry I am." Kurt looked at Alec, absolutely heart broken.
"You should have did that before he walked out the door." Alec sighed. "He may not want to be in a relationship with you because… you can't handle the distance. Why would he want to just pick up when things are evidently bad enough that you broke up with him? I don't see you being able to magically handle it just because he takes you back. It's just going to get worse."
"You were supposed to make me feel better."
"No. As your friend, I'm supposed to tell you the truth. You need to figure out your own things before you try to get him back because what you did was big and… and if I were Blaine, I wouldn't answer your calls either."
"How would you feel if it were you and Eric?" Kurt demanded somewhat defensively.
"It's completely different." Alec said. "He and I dated for a few months before he moved three hours away for college and I was fourteen. I couldn't see him unless he came home. We didn't see each other this much. Starting CCAD is the closest we've ever been. Before that I would be lucky if I saw him every two months but we were fine with it. Maybe it's because I was so young. But I have never felt like my happiness depended on him being here."
"You said that you would have fights over it."
"It's not really the same thing, Kurt. People have bad days… You barely have good ones." Alec said gently. "You said you weren't happy, that you had been thinking about it since January. In my opinion, I would figure out why that is before I try to get back together with Blaine. But if you hound him, you're going to push him farther away and he won't come back. Ever."
Kurt buried his face in his knees. "I ruined everything."
Alec reached over, rubbing Kurt's back. "You don't know if you ruined it… You may have just made a massive mess of it. But Kurt, what you have to understand is… Blaine wasn't unhappy; he was perfectly fine with how things were. So you really need to fix what's going on with you or you will both be incredibly unhappy moving forward."
"We both are already." Kurt sat up, banging his head gently against the wall behind him.
"It'll be okay." Alec reassured him.
"Would you f-forgive me? Eventually?" Kurt asked, looking at him with sad blue eyes.
"People do stupid things when they're in love." Alec laughed a bit. "Believe me, Eric and I have forgiven each other over some pretty stupid stuff."
"Really?"
"Well when I was fifteen he cheated on me. Once." Alec admitted.
"Why did you take him back?"
"However stupid he was, I loved him and he loved me. It felt silly to give that up because he got drunk and did something stupid." Alec shrugged.
"Do you… love him any less?"
"No." Alec shook his head.
"Do you trust him?"
"Yes." Alec nodded.
"How?"
"Don't get me wrong. It took time to get back to where we were. But I think I trust him because he was very honest about the whole thing. He came up the day he woke up after, crying and begging me to forgive him. He didn't make up excuses or anything. He was very upfront and he was sorry. Most guys his age with a fourteen year old boyfriend… you'd almost expect it." Alec shrugged.
"You two didn't fight?"
"Yes. Well, I did. I went off on him for about two hours. He basically agreed with everything I called him—and I had a very colorful vocabulary at fourteen, believe me." Alec laughed a bit. "But by the end of that day, I told him if he ever did it again I'd leave him."
"What if he did and just didn't tell you?"
"He would have told me." Alec smirked. "He can't keep a secret to save his life. If we ever have kids, we're screwed at Christmas time. I'm surprised he didn't tell me he was proposing before the fact."
"But you two are completely okay?"
"We have never been better. And I think what happened made us happier in the end because we were able to be closer after resolving a real issue." Alec smiled a bit.
"Does it ever bother you?"
"Why do you want to know?"
"If you forgave him… maybe Blaine will forgive me." Kurt admitted.
"Sometimes I think about it but I never worry he's going to do it again." Alec shrugged. "I don't get upset and cry about it or anything like that."
"So one day… he may be able to be with me and not…"
"Yes. A day may come that he won't get upset about it. Everyone is different, though. And it seems like Blaine is a person who needs his space." Alec chewed on his lower lip. "If you want him back, you need to be sure you can handle it. You don't want to hurt him more than you already did… And be prepared. It could be a long time before he even talks to you. Use that time to figure your shit out."
Kurt nodded, sniffling a bit. "Thanks for coming all of the way to Lima… I'm sure you had to leave Eric to come and you were saying you hadn't seen him in almost three weeks before the break… Sorry."
"Hey, it's okay. You're my friend. Of course I want to be here for you." Alec gave him a sad smile. "I just wish you weren't in this position… And I feel bad for Blaine."
Kurt rubbed his face, looking exhausted. "I have to fix this, Alec. I have to fix it. I want him back."