"I have five sketches to finish before tomorrow, a portfolio to organize, I have to start cutting the fabric for two pieces, and I have to finish my stuff for the internship. I can't do it." Kurt rambled, throwing open the door to his Lincoln Navigator. It had been exactly six days since the worst day of his life had occurred. Seeing Alec was the last thing he wanted to do at the moment because his life was in shambles. He wanted to get in his car, take a deep breath, and collect himself before he drove to pick his sister up. He gently set his portfolio containing his sketches on top of his messenger back before closing the door and turning to face Alec. He might as well get it over with, come up with an excuse to get out of hanging out, and go back to being miserable.
"You've bailed the last three nights." Alec rushed to catch up to him, determined to not let Kurt get away. "But come on. It's just dinner. I'm worried about you."
"You and everyone else I see on a daily basis, but I am fine." Kurt reassured Alec as he opened the driver side door. It wasn't that Kurt didn't want to spend time with Alec. At least, it wasn't personal. He really didn't want to spend time with anyone.
"You won't even talk about it. You can't just ignore this because it'll be worse when you think about it." Alec moved in front of the door before Kurt could get in, effectively ending their conversation.
"You don't understand. I am fine. I broke up with him, remember? Why would I be sad?"
If Kurt had ever told a lie, there it was. While part of the time he was happy about the break up, —okay, more relieved than anything— the other part was definitely sad. And when the sadness did come around, he was pretty sure he'd only been sadder once before in his life and that was when his mother died. So, yes, Kurt was definitely sad.
"Don't play dumb with me. I've almost known you four years, Kurt. I know when you're sad." Alec rolled his eyes. "Let me also note that you're the one who brought up the word sad."
Damn, Kurt thought. Alec was right.
"You don't have to worry about me. I'm just busy. I have classes four days a week, internship three days a week, I pick Melody up four days a week now because they've cut Carole's hours but made her work later. I don't have time to worry about Blaine or eating pizza with you while you try to make sure I'm okay. So I'm telling you: I'm okay. Don't worry." Kurt said slowly, hoping maybe Alec would believe him.
"Then you're doing too much. You can't possibly have time for all of that with the fashion show so soon." Alec protested.
"What am I supposed to do?"
Alec looked at him, unblinking.
"Would you rather me cry through class? Should I be calling Blaine for forgiveness every day? He's not picking up, okay? He hasn't been on Facebook since the breakup. He hasn't been in contact with Carole. Wes won't even answer my texts and he's the nicest one." Kurt's voice rose. This was the opposite of what he wanted.
"I'm not talking about Blaine. I'm talking about you."
"I don't have time to worry about me. I'll do that this summer." Kurt sighed.
"I'm going to follow you home. I'll watch your sister while you do some school work." Alec said.
"No. That's all I need. My dad will start poking around asking whether or not you're my new boyfriend. Melody is already confused enough without talking to Blaine. She's finally to the point where she only asks about him when he's mentioned and God knows they don't mention him around me. No. I appreciate the gesture; I really do, but don't worry about me."
"Kurt…" Alec frowned.
"I have to go. I have to pick Melody up by five thirty." Kurt watched Alec.
Alec hesitantly stepped aside. "Call me tonight then?"
"I don't need your pity, Alec. I'm fine." Kurt didn't look away, meeting his eyes.
"I don't pity you, Kurt. I just want to be there for you." Alec took another step back. "Are you free tomorrow?"
"Maybe. I don't know."
"Come over. It's Friday and Eric has some huge test to study for. He probably won't even leave the bedroom." Alec stuck his lower lip out. "We'll order Chinese or—or whatever you want. It'll be your night. Just don't sit in your room all night. It's not healthy… Plus, think of it as you saving me from boredom. We'll do school work together and watch movies, or listen to music, or talk about Parsons and how much fun it's going to be to be the best in our class together again."
Kurt chewed the inside of his cheek, looking past Alec at a random classroom building—not really seeing it, not really seeing much of anything. He knew he should be more grateful Alec cared enough for him to cheer him up but maybe Kurt didn't deserve to have fun. After all, he'd broken Blaine's heart.
"I'd do it for you." Alec stuck his lower lip out even more. "My birthday is coming up. You can't say no to me. Ask Eric. It never goes well when people say no to me around my birthday."
"Fine."
"And no bailing out. It's not nice." Alec pointed at him. "Tomorrow. We're hanging out whether you like it or not."
"Alright, alright, alright." Kurt let out a resigned sigh and then nodded. "Tomorrow."
Alec beamed, moving away from Kurt's car. "Okay, great! Be careful driving back to Lima. I'll see you bright and early for class. Have a good night, Kurt."
"You be careful too." Kurt said as he climbed into his car. "And don't look so pleased with yourself, Davis."
Alec rolled his eyes and waved.
Kurt watched, waiting until Alec was safely in his own car and that his car had started before backing out of the parking lot.
Now he had to think up an excuse to get out of hanging out tomorrow.
Okay, maybe he didn't like the thought of going to Alec's apartment knowing Eric was there for the week. Maybe he didn't want to see their adorable smiles and how Eric stared at Alec like he was the most beautiful thing on the planet. Maybe he didn't want sympathetic looks Eric gave Kurt when he walked into a room—almost like he knew what Kurt was thinking. They'd done it, why couldn't he and Blaine? At least he hadn't cheated on Blaine, right?
Stop.
Eric was nice.
Eric had never been anything but nice and it wasn't fair to hold someone's mistakes over their head or to base an opinion of them over that.
But still.
They were still happy while Kurt had… nothing.
Nothing.
Kurt leaned his head against the seat when he came to a red light, biting his lip hard to stop it from beginning to wobble. He wasn't going to cry. He was going to keep himself busy, busy, busy. He'd spent days crying—okay, sobbing—over Blaine and their failed relationship. But he was turning a new leaf. Or something. Trying to, at least.
No.
He was in denial. Not thinking about it, because it was too hard. He'd tried to face what he'd done head on and now he was jumping on the denial train. Which would only be worse for him in the long run but maybe he deserved that too.
Kurt bit down on his lip harder as tears prickled the corner of his eyes.
He'd already ruined one of the three most important things in his life. The only thing he had left was his career. He had to be 110% dedicated these next few weeks. Without giving that 110%, he would be at risk of losing everything he'd spent almost four years building up at CCAD. And that would mean the possibility of being stuck in Lima, Ohio forever.
And that was not going to happen.
…
"I thought I was picking Melody up today but when I got there they said you got her." Kurt said, walking into the kitchen and setting his bag on the table a little over two hours later. He saw Carole at the counter, putting various ingredients into a pot, still in her work clothes.
"Hi, Kuuuuuuurt!" Melody giggled, running up to Kurt and wrapping her arms around his leg.
"Hey, sweetie." Kurt scooped her up.
"Did you not get the text?" Carole gasped, rushing to check her phone. "I forgot to hit send. I hate this new phone. I keep trying to do the other way. I'm so sorry, hon."
"It's okay." Kurt shrugged. "It's on the way home anyway."
Melody kissed his cheek. "The puppy did it again."
"Did Kreacher shake your hand?" Kurt asked.
"Uh huh." Melody nodded, looking positively excited.
"Yes." Carole corrected. "Kurt, I'm so sorry."
"No, it's fine. I'm going to go and do some homework." Kurt placed Melody down on the floor despite her pout.
"Can I help?" Melody asked.
"Sweetie, you know that Kurt's homework is very important." Carole came over, bending down by Melody.
Melody pouted more but went to play in the living room.
"I don't know where she learned this pouting thing." Carole shook her head and then squeezed Kurt's shoulder, offering him a smile. "Dinner will be done in about half an hour, hon."
"Alright." Kurt nodded and made his way up to his room. Lately, it was almost painful to be around Carole for too long. She had said nothing unkind to him but he knew how close she and Blaine were. He couldn't help but feel that she secretly hated him—for breaking Blaine's heart, for pushing Blaine to the point of not speaking to her, for not being the son's boyfriend instead of the son.
He pulled out his five sketches to be done—which were already done, but he didn't exactly feel social. He didn't want to hang out with Alec, hear about how Eric was staying the week because he had some big test and his roommates were loud. Or about how annoying Eric was being. Because at least Alec had a boyfriend that loved him, annoying or not. Kurt didn't really have any hope of ever seeing Blaine again at this point.
He was relieved sometimes, but others he would sign into Facebook and just flip through the pictures of Blaine and the pictures of both of them together on Blaine's Facebook. Blaine hadn't really been on Facebook except once for a few seconds that he'd shown up on Facebook Chat only to disappear again right away. (Probably after seeing that Kurt was on—or was Kurt being paranoid?)
Kurt shouldn't feel sad. He was the one that broke up with Blaine, after all. He'd been thinking about breaking up since January and it was the middle of April. This had been a long time coming, honestly. So why was he moping over pictures on Facebook, not being able to tell Blaine he'd completed two of his pieces for the Fashion show, not being able to tell Blaine he missed him?
Two weeks past Blaine's birthday, one week since the breakup, three weeks and one day until the Fashion Show, and six weeks and five days until he moved to New York to start his new life… His new life without Blaine. But why should he be sad about starting a life without Blaine? Why did Blaine creep into his thoughts any time he drove past a Taco Bell, any time he saw that funny commercial with the toddler that would have Blaine laughing and gasping for breath a whole two minutes after it had aired? Why did he want to cry when he opened his closet and saw that stupid fish cup that he'd been meaning to send to Blaine since August when he realized he'd forgotten it but now it was too late because Blaine didn't want to hear from him and—
Kurt took a deep breath, willing the tears to not come.
He had broken up with Blaine. So why was he feeling this way? Why was he glad he did it—okay, was glad the right word?—sometimes while others he wanted to crawl in a hole and die because the one person he'd loved more than anything for years had vowed to neversee him again?
Why did he still care?
When you broke up, why couldn't it be like a switch?
"Sweetie, dinner is—Kurt?"
"I'm fine." Kurt said, staring down at his desk.
"No, you're not." Carole came up behind him. "What's wrong?"
"It's nothing. I'm fine." Kurt repeated, wiping his eyes. He sniffled a bit. "I'm fine."
Carole kneeled down so she was on his eye level, looking him in the eyes. "Kurt… I'm worried about you."
"Have you talked to Blaine?" Kurt asked, hating how pitiful the word Blaine sounded coming out of his mouth.
"No, hon. I haven't." Carole shook her head.
"I'm sorry." Kurt covered his face with his hands.
"What on Earth are you apologizing to me for?"
"You l-loved him a-and he won't talk to you. It's my fault." Kurt sniffled loudly, still not uncovering his face. "I ruined it. You probably hate me."
Carole gasped, lowering his hands. "What would ever make you think I hate you?"
"You t-two were so close and now he's not talking to me, but he's not talking to you, Dad, or Melody either." Kurt took a deep breath, wiping his eyes once more.
"Look at me." Carole said.
Kurt did, blue eyes red rimmed and teary.
"I miss talking to Blaine just as much as I miss talking to you. For the last week, I can barely get you to say five words to me." Carole brushed some of his hair back.
"I f-feel bad. I know you l-liked him more and—."
"Hold on a minute." Carole interrupted.
"You two were so much closer."
"Kurt, if I ever made you feel like I liked him more than you, I am sorry." Carole said, looking him in the eyes. "At the end of the day every day, you are my stepson and he was your boyfriend."
Kurt frowned. "You can like him more. It won't hurt my feelings."
"Kurt, you are an amazing person. You're really unhappy right now and you're making big life changes and I know it seems tough but… things will work out. If breaking up with Blaine was the thing to do to make you happy, you don't need to apologize to anyone. Blaine can talk to us whenever he wants to, okay? Because, like I said… At the end of the day, you come first. And that's the way it should be." Carole touched his face. "I hope you don't mind me saying this but Kurt… I love you. I know I'm not your mother and I'd never try to replace her. You know that. But I do love you. Very much. And all I want is for you to be happy. Don't let anyone or their opinions stand in the way of that."
Kurt's lip began to tremble and he stood, wrapping his arms around her. "I love you too, Carole. Thank you. For everything."
"You don't have to thank me." Carole said, hugging Kurt tightly. "Just promise me that you won't pull away from me because of the break up. I don't want our relationship to fall apart just because you and Blaine didn't work out."
Kurt nodded, pulling away and wiping his eyes. He was in shock. Carole had never said she loved him before.
"How do you feel, hon? Are you okay?" Carole asked, hand on his arm.
"I m-miss him. He's hasn't answered any of my calls." Kurt looked down.
"Do you… want him to?"
"I don't know." Kurt admitted. "I just… Part of me is glad it's over because there are no more missed calls or trips or no fights… then part of me wants him to call so we can work it out and be together."
Carole nodded. "When I left Finn's father… I kind of felt that way. You know he was into drugs and… I loved him, but I needed it to be over so I could be happy and so that Finn could have a good life. If you weren't happy with Blaine, then it was probably best to break up with him. You never know. You two could grow as people, get back together… Either way, though, you will be okay."
"I'm not crazy to feel happy and sad about it?" Kurt asked.
"No, honey. Not at all." She hugged him again. "It's very normal. It's also normal to busy yourself. Which is clearly what you've done since your homework appears to be done."
Kurt looked down at the desk sheepishly.
"Next week is when it starts? Staying at the studio all night?" Carole questioned.
"Yeah." Kurt nodded.
"What do you have to do until then now?"
"Well in class we've already started putting stuff together. I mean, we have been for months. Open studio hours don't start until next week and I'm too afraid Melody or Kreacher will get a hold of any of the pieces, so I'm just kind of waiting around for next week so I can… basically live there." Kurt admitted.
"Why don't you hang out with Alec? Take your mind off of things?"
"He keeps asking but… I don't know if I'm in the mood to really go out and try to have fun." Kurt bit his lip. "It feels cruel to start hanging out so soon, I guess."
"You broke up with him so you could get your happiness back." Carole reminded him. "You should make an effort to do things. You probably won't jump right back into laughing and smiling and stuff but… it's a process and you shouldn't feel like you can't hang out with your friends or try to get over him."
"'Get over him' sounds so…" Kurt trailed off, not really knowing how to finish what he was saying anyway. Instead, he changed the subject. "Carole, why did you have time to pick Melody up today?"
"They sent me home early." Carole frowned. "Burt and I are going to talk. The hours are so bad that we may be losing money sending Melody to day care and it's clearly putting a strain on you. We appreciate everything you've done, helping out with your sister."
"I don't mind." Kurt promised.
"We should probably get downstairs or Burt may start to worry. He made it home as I was setting the table." Carole smiled.
"I was wondering why we weren't hearing mass destruction downstairs with Mellie down there alone." Kurt forced a laugh, letting her lead him out of the room.
"That toddler is more destructive than Finn ever was. I thought girls were supposed to be meaner but easier." Carole teased.
"Melody can be pretty mean when she wants. I think you're getting the best of both worlds." Kurt teased back, going into the kitchen. "Hey, dad."
"Hey, kiddo." Burt looked at him. "How was school?"
"It was good." Kurt attempted to sound cheerful, sitting by Melody at the table.
"Did you hear back about that thing you interviewed for Monday?" Burt asked, just as he had every day since Kurt had interviewed for his internship.
"They said it could be up to three weeks before we hear back, remember?"
"Oh, right." Burt said, again just as he had every day since Kurt had interviewed for his internship.
While he had been interviewed at CCAD, it was an interview for a studio very close to both his future apartment and Parsons. Not only that, but it was extremely difficult to even get an interview and the designer's assistant conducting the interview had seemed to really like Kurt. If Kurt got this opportunity, it would likely turn into a job. Even if it didn't turn into a job, having that on his resume would do wonders for his career after Parsons.
This internship would change Kurt's life.
Unfortunately, he was not the only person he knew that was up for it.
Not Alec. Kurt could have dealt with losing it to Alec because he and Kurt were friends. Close friends.
But Derek.
Derek who gave him these little smirks ever since finding out he broke up with Blaine. Derek who had been trying to corner Kurt alone in a room, who kept licking his lips and acting utterly repulsive.
Really, how had Kurt let this guy become the catalyst for his and Blaine's break up? Ultimately, that's what had happened. Things had never really been fixed since that night Blaine and Derek met.
"Well, I'm sure you'll get it. You're damn good at what you do and you and that other boy are top in your class."
"Alec?" Kurt rolled his eyes.
"Yeah. Have you two been hanging out any more?"
"Dad, for the millionth time, he's engaged. Remember? You met his boyfriend." Kurt sighed. He knew what his father really meant. Nobody could replace Blaine, nobody would live up to Blaine in Burt's eyes. But what his dad didn't understand was that Kurt already knew that.
"He's so much older, though. Are you sure that boy doesn't like you?"
Kurt scowled.
"Blaine likes Kurt, daddy." Melody cut in.
Kurt cringed, pushing his plate away. "I think I'm done eating."
"Kurt…" Carole frowned.
"I'll eat some later if I'm hungry." Kurt rushed out of the kitchen and up the stairs, quietly closing his door. He went to his closet, pulling out the box of stuff he'd stored, tossing the fish cup off the top, and pulling out a photo album. He turned to the end, seeing a picture of him and Blaine at Blaine's UK graduation, a picture at Melody's birthday party, a picture of both Blaine and Wes pointing to their Harvard acceptance letters. Blaine had been so happy to be going to Harvard and all Kurt could see was his own pain.
But Blaine threw this on him.
Blaine didn't give him adjustment time.
Blaine had turned their lives together upside down.
Without so much of a mention.
This was not only Kurt's fault, he reminded himself.
Still, that didn't make it any easier.
***LTC***
After a failed attempt at an excuse to get out of dinner with Alec and a very internship session the very next day, Kurt headed out of the building while digging his phone out of his messenger bag. He didn't know why he was checking it since Blaine was the only one to ever text him while he was in Columbus and that would never happen again, but old habits did die hard and he had a feeling it would be a while before he didn't automatically check for a call or text.
And maybe… maybe Kurt was hoping Blaine had responded to one of his tons of messages, that maybe he wanted to talk things through.
But that was mostly daydreaming and Kurt was smart enough to see the situation for what it was. Some break ups were worse than others; theirs had apparently been one of the worse ones.
He had no text messages, no missed calls, but three emails. One was from Express Men informing him a sale, one was a security alert about a robbery near campus and one… was from the internship he'd applied and interviewed for?
Holy.
Shit.
"I just got an email from the internship!" He announced, finally having made it to Alec who was waiting outside.
"Well?"
Kurt pulled open the email just as Derek walked out behind him.
"'Dear Mr. Hummel, we are pleased to inform you that you have been selected for the internship slot at our main headquarters in New York City!'" Kurt read excitedly, feeling happier than he had in seven days. "'This is a very prestigious opportunity as only one student is chosen per year and you will make contact with several designers residing in the area. Please accept the offer within 48 hours by phone or email!'"
"Oh my God!" Alec exclaimed. "Congratulations! That's amazing! Did you hear, Derek?"
"Did I hear what?" Derek asked, although his frown told Kurt he'd indeed overheard. After all, what didn't Derek overhear, right?
"Kurt got that internship in New York! Did you ever hear back from the internship you were trying out for?" Alec asked.
"It was the same one."
Alec fell silent, eyes widening. "Oh…"
"Congrats, Kurt." Derek said before walking away.
"Oh my God. You totally knew and let me do that." Alec said, half glaring at Kurt. He then laughed. "You must be feeling better."
Kurt watched Derek get into his fancy car.
"Well to be honest, that was kind of the cherry on top." Kurt admitted.
"That's so wrong." Alec shook his head, not looking upset in the slightest.
"You don't seem to feel too bad for hurting his feelings." Kurt noted.
"You know I'm kind of starting to see he's a bit of an asshole."
"What did he say about me?" Kurt asked shortly.
"He said you were more fun to chase after when you had a boyfriend." Alec frowned.
"Are you serious?" Kurt looked at Alec.
"Yes. Don't worry. I let him have it. I guess Eric was more right about him than I thought."
Kurt shook his head. "Whatever. I try to avoid him now anyway. I've been single for a week and he already asked me out twice."
Single.
Wow.
That was… weird.
But he was.
Single, that is.
Kurt Hummel was… single.
"Alright. I'm sure you need to go home and celebrate with your family but we can at least still get some food, right? I'll pay. My treat."
"You really want to avoid going home, don't you?"
"So he's taking this surgery… thing. I think he calls them clerkships? He sat in on this surgery on an infected leg and he keeps talking about pus and blood and…" Alec gagged, looking sick to his stomach. "I love him to death, want to spend the rest of my life with him, don't care to let him stay with me now because his roommates suck even though it is eating into our budget with how much gas he's plowing through. But, Kurt, that is so gross. It's disgusting. I know he's excited and I'm okay hearing about the cute kids he works with when he's doing the pediatrics stuff. I was even less grossed out when he did the gynecology stuff but I cannot handle pus and blood and muscle and…"
Kurt shuddered. "We can get food if you stop talking about surgery and gynecology."
"You're my favorite person alive." Alec said, looking relieved. "I'll pay since you're awesome and got the internship."
"I won't turn down free food." Kurt smiled. "But first let me text Blaine and tell him I got the inter—"
Alec's smile faded.
"Nevermind." Kurt forced another smile. Had he really just done that? Just like that, any happiness he'd felt seem to evaporate into thin air. "I'll drive?"
"You okay?" Alec asked slowly.
"Yeah. I'm fine." Kurt nodded. "I'll drive?"
"Great. Pizza, Chinese, burgers?"
"Burgers." Kurt said, walking towards his Lincoln Navigator.
Alec got in the passenger seat. "Burgers it is. I know the perfect place."
…
"I knew you'd get it, Kurt! I knew it!" Burt exclaimed as soon as Kurt opened the front door a few hours later.
"I take it you got my text?" Kurt asked as Burt came over, literally picking him up as he hugged Kurt tightly.
"I did! I'm so proud of you, kiddo. I knew you'd show everyone. You're going to New York and you're already ahead of everybody else. You just… You just beat everyone that ever told you that you couldn't do it, Kurt. Those bullies, the people who put you in the hospital, everyone. You proved them wrong." Burt said, talking fast. He looked at Kurt, eyes bright.
"Put me down! You're going to hurt yourself!" Kurt exclaimed. All he needed was his father to have a heart attack or—or something and end up in the hospital.
Burt put him firmly on his feet but did not look any less excited. "I knew you'd do it. Even when you stayed here for your undergrad, I knew you'd make it there eventually. You're gonna knock it outta the ballpark, Kurt. You're going to New York! You have a job! This is really happening!"
"Congratulations!" Carole rushed into the room and over to Kurt, hugging him.
"The pay isn't good at all. It's mostly an internship, you know." Kurt laughed, some of the excitement and happiness coming back. They were right. He had done it. "It's not income worthy."
"But it's something, hon." Carole said, pulling away.
"Your grandparents are on the way. They're about twenty minutes away." Burt said. "And as soon as they leave, Taylor and Paige want you to Skype them."
"Paige cried." Carole said. "And you could hear Taylor screaming in the background."
"Oh my God, Dad. Did you tell everyone?"
"Not everyone. I want you to call Elizabeth's parents tomorrow and tell them." Burt said. "And your uncle."
"They aren't going to care."
"Yes, they will." Burt put his hands on Kurt's shoulder, leading him to the kitchen where there was a cake.
"Oh my God." Kurt said, covering his mouth. "Carole, you didn't have to do that."
"Of course I did." Carole beamed. "This is a big day for you."
"And it will be one of the last times that you get to see your grandparents before you move." Burt added.
"Oh, you just want cake." Carole rolled her eyes but smiled.
"YAY KURT YAY!" Melody ran in, bouncing up and down.
"Do you even know why you're cheering?" Kurt asked, bending down.
"Nuh uh." Melody shook her head.
"Because you're brother got the internship!" Burt exclaimed proudly.
"What's dat?" Melody tilted her head.
"It's like a job." Kurt explained, kissing her cheek.
"YAY KURT YAY!" Melody repeated. "Down, please!"
Kurt laughed, putting her down, as the doorbell rang.
"GRAMMY! GRANDPA!" Melody squealed, taking off towards the front door.
"Well if it isn't the most beautiful girl I've seen in my life!" Kurt's grandpa, Andy, said as he bent down to give her a hug.
Melody giggled, shyly running to hide behind Carole.
"Come here!" Kurt's grandmother, Annie, said throwing her arms around Kurt. "Tell me. What did Blaine say? I bet he's so excited."
"I… haven't told him yet." Kurt said¸ eyes darting to his father. Had Burt nor Paige told them? Really? Gossip usually flew through the family.
"Why ever not? You should call him right now that way we can hear his reaction." Andy said, shocked.
"You know, I don't think he'd pick up. We… separated." Kurt took a deep breath.
"What?" Annie gasped. "No!"
"Did he cheat on you?" Andy asked.
"Of course not. Blaine would never cheat." Kurt said in an offhand way.
"It was the distance." Burt explained quietly and Kurt was glad he didn't have to comment further. "Think they were just too young."
"Well you two did move very fast." Annie said. "Living together so soon and all."
"Look at Taylor and Paige. Those two have broken up several times and they're still together today." Andy added.
Kurt swallowed, looking down.
"Everything happens for a reason." Annie patted his shoulder. "But right now, we're here to celebrate you getting this internship!"
Kurt forced a smile.
"So sit down and tell us all about it! Don't leave a thing out!"
…
"Aww, lookit our baby Kurtsie. He's growing up on us." Taylor cooed before Kurt could even say hello to his aunts later that night after his grandparents had left and Melody had been put to bed.
"We're so proud of you!" Paige said, waving at him through the screen.
"And we can't wait to see you in New York!" Taylor added excitedly. "Are you coming up before you move here or just when you move? We want to take you and your friends out to dinner, alright? And you'll be near my bookstore so I can show you the best places to get food."
"Kurt doesn't eat food out. Unlike you, he can cook." Paige laughed. "I can show you where to get groceries at a reasonable price."
"She's lying. Nothing is reasonably priced in New York." Taylor grinned. "I hope you're saving up money."
"I've been trying. And dad's getting me a credit card with a higher limit." Kurt said, having to fight a smile. He loved seeing both of his aunts together again. It was just too bad that he and—No. Kurt wasn't thinking about it.
"That's either really smart or really stupid." Paige snorted.
"I've started packing stuff up for when I go. There was a lot I didn't pack up from when I lived in Cincinnati." Kurt said, careful not to add with Blaine to that sentence. All he needed was to think about Blaine again and—damn.
"You okay, sweetheart?" Paige asked, frowning.
"You're thinking about him, aren't you?"
"I don't know if I'm okay. It's just been so… back and forth." Kurt admitted. "Sometimes I'm fine and happy with my decision. Other times, I feel like I've made the worst mistake of my life and it's like I can't breathe and I want to call but he's not picking up and he's not answered emails or texts. Part of me wants to go to Boston but…" he shook his head, trailing off.
"It gets easier." Taylor reassured him.
"What if I made the wrong decision?" Kurt asked, looking between them two. "How am I supposed to fix it?"
"You can't ignore the reasons you two broke up, Kurt." Paige said. "Until you and he can find a way to compromise or another way to handle the situations, you two shouldn't get back together. Because if you do it'll be a vicious cycle of getting both of your hearts broken over and over and over."
"Plus… If he doesn't want to live in New York or California… you shouldn't have to give up the career you're going to school for, you know?" Taylor asked. "There are valid issues you two didn't deal with. Until you do deal with them... Well, Paige is right. There's no point in being together if you two can't figure your shit out."
"Don't cuss in front of him."
"Paige, he's 21 not 8." Taylor rolled her eyes. "He can handle hearing the word shit."
"Yes well he's still your nephew." Paige shook her head. "The point is, Kurt, that you shouldn't risk putting yourself through more break ups. Blaine was very sweet, yes, but you two can't help that you wanted different things."
"Well you two wanted different things and you broke up and got back together." Kurt pointed out.
"Coulda seen that coming from a mile away." Taylor sang.
"Well we also had a pretty nasty break up like yours and Blaine… But we had to work through it. And once we talked through our problems—."
"Once we hooked up again." Taylor coughed.
"Once we talked through our problems, we got back together."
"Technically we hooked up, got back together, and then talked through our problems." Taylor corrected.
Kurt blinked at the screen. "You two hooked up?"
"Not the first time." Taylor chirped. "We actually—."
Paige covered Taylor's mouth. "Don't you dare."
"It will be totally worth it for his facial expression, Paige. Come on."
"Tell us about the internship." Paige said quickly before Taylor could let slip how they had really met.
Kurt, thoroughly confused but thinking it best to remain in the dark, began to tell them about the internship. "Well it's in this fashion designing studio five minutes away from Parsons. I'll work under two of the top designers in the office. It'll be a lot of hands on experience. I'll even get to help make the clothes."
"Sounds like you'll barely get paid to do someone else's job." Taylor commented.
"We can't all own bookstores, dear." Paige rolled her eyes. "This is how it works in the real world. Kurt, that's great. If you're hired on past the internship, you can work your way up until your experienced enough to be the top designer in your own office."
"That's the plan." Kurt nodded. "I'm really excited. I actually will be coming up before I move down. Two days after graduation I'm going to an orientation there, to fill out paper work, and stuff. I'm going to stay with Rachel and Finn when I'm there, set up a bank account, and stuff like that."
"If you need help with anything, you just let us know." Paige said. "Do you need a ride from the airport?"
"Oooh, we should meet him. Show him the trick to catching cabs." Taylor said.
"And we can show him the subway system."
"Don't say Rachel is showing you everything. We're your aunts. We have to have some part in your discovering the beautiful city of New York City. I mean visiting here is one thing but moving here. It's practically our rite of passage as your aunts."
"Fine. You can show me how to catch a cab and the subway system." Kurt laughed, starting to feel more excited. This was happening. He was making plans to learn the New York City. The New York City that would be his home.
Taylor and Paige high fived, beaming.
"But really, we're so excited you'll be in New York. It's going to be so good to live close and get to see you more." Paige smiled at him.
"We miss you." Taylor cut in. "We miss you a lot."
"I miss you all too." Kurt gave them a sad smile.
"We're so proud of you, Kurt." Paige beamed. "We knew it was only a matter of time before you made it up here and now it's really happening."
Kurt's smile grew and it felt more real this time. It really was happening. In less than two months, he would be a resident of New York. Not only New York, but the New York City.
"Hey, we have to get off here." Taylor said. "I have an audit at four in the morning and I'm forcing her to go to bed early too."
Paige rolled her eyes. "She is. But we love you very, very, very much. And we're so proud."
"Extremely proud." Taylor beamed. "We'll talk to you in a few days, Kurtsie."
"Alright. Bye. Love you guys." Kurt waved, closing his laptop when they both signed off.
He moved his laptop to his desk and stood at the desk, looking at his promise ring that had sat on his desk, in that very corner, since the morning following their break up. He sat at the desk, gently picking up the ring and squeezing it tightly in his hand. He then put it back on its spot, in the corner, and went to make sure his bedroom door was locked before pulling Blaine's Dalton hoodie out of his bottom drawer and sliding it over his pajama shirt. So it was the middle of April and he wasn't cold in the slightest? He hadn't been able to sleep without it.
Not that he slept that well with it, but bad sleep was better than no sleep.
He turned the light off before crawling into bed, fighting tears as Kreacher lay next to him and licked his face.
"Thanks." Kurt sniffled, closing his eyes as Kreacher rested his head on Kurt's stomach—the same position he would be in for the rest of the night.
I'm the stupidest person alive, Kurt thought to himself as he drifted to sleep.
***LTC***
"Can I come in?"
Blaine, who was lying in bed in the middle of the afternoon and not doing homework, didn't respond. He blinked up at the ceiling, breathing softly, trying to block Wes' voice out. He knew Wes meant well. He really and truly did. But it was exhausting to have Wes by his side, constantly asking him if he'd slept, if he'd eaten, if he'd had a good day. And truthfully, it wasn't only Wes' voice he was trying to block out. It was more life in general. Because life in general sucked as of late. Nothing seemed good anymore.
"Blaine, are you awake?"
The door slowly opened, cautiously, as if Wes was afraid of waking Blaine up—rightfully so, because if he had been asleep it would have been the first time in a while.
"You're up." Wes noted, taking a few steps into the room and closing the door. "Did you make it to class on time?"
"Yes." Blaine said, not looking away from the ceiling.
"You had gotten up. I guess you fell asleep again." Wes watched Blaine.
"What?" Blaine pushed himself into a sitting position.
"You didn't eat. I had a sandwich for you, remember?"
"You don't have to do this." Blaine sighed, looking out the window.
"You won't eat, you don't sleep much, and you barely talk to me. The only time you'll really let me see you is the middle of the night when you're crying and I force myself in here." Wes sighed. "I do have to do this. I don't want you to hurt yourself."
"I'm not going to do anything to myself." Blaine promised, finally looking Wes in the eyes.
"How do you feel?"
"I almost…" Blaine screwed his eyes shut. "Almost called him today."
"Do you want—."
"No." Blaine cut him off. "No, no no. I can't hear his voice, I can't talk to him. I can't and I won't."
Wes came closer, sitting down by Blaine on the bed. "I'm sorry David isn't here. He's better at this kind of thing."
"I think you're just fine." Blaine forced a pitiful smile.
"Yeah?" Wes asked.
"Yeah." Blaine sighed heavily. "I can't believe I almost slept through my class. I haven't done my homework yet, either. It's getting…"
"You can't do that." Wes sighed.
"I know. I know." Blaine covered his face in his hands, rubbing. "I need to get my act together. One of my professors is getting annoyed. I can tell."
"Why?"
"I used to talk more." Blaine lowered his hands. "It's not like I'm not talking now but I'm talking as much as the other students who aren't as good."
"Don't let the break up effect school. That is the worst thing you could do."
"I know." Blaine felt tears fill his eyes. "I feel like I don't know how to breathe anymore. It just hurts. Everything hurts. I used to love doing these cases, reading up on things, and now…"
"You've still got that passion for it. Right now you're just really sad but it'll pass. It's going to get easier." Wes promised him, wrapping his arms around Blaine in a tight hug. "It's okay."
"I miss him, Wes." Blaine mumbled into Wes' shoulder. "I r-really miss him."
"Don't cry. It's alright." Wes soothed.
"I miss him and A-Asshole is being an asshole and it's just so hard!" Blaine cried.
"That's why you've got to talk to me or David. You keep pulling away from us. You need us, Blaine. You need to talk to us. We want to be here for you." Wes rubbed his back. "Let us help you move on."
"I don't want to move on. I want to go back in time that way I never would have left UK, I never would have gotten this attached to him." Blaine shook his head. "I was there on his fucking death bed. Do you know what it was like to see him before he'd had that lung surgery, Wes? It was the most terrifying thing I've ever seen in my life to see him struggling like that. And I took care of him and it didn't even mean anything. None of it meant anything."
"That's not true. You don't wish you hadn't left UK and you know it didn't mean nothing. You two loved each other."
"Kurt didn't love me or he couldn't h-have done this to me. To us." Blaine shuddered.
"Hey now. You know that isn't true." Wes said gently.
"I don't care if I feel differently tomorrow or next week or next year. I wish I hadn't left UK to take care of him. It was the worst decision I ever made. Just another time he turned my life completely upside down." Blaine scowled.
Wes ran his hand up and down Blaine's back, knowing Blaine didn't mean a word of what he was saying. Blaine was upset and had been spouting off things like this since they got back home, and inevitably three hours later he would be coming to apologize, saying he hadn't meant it, he wouldn't act like that again.
"Get some rest, okay? I'm going to get us some dinner. After we eat—and yes, you're going to eat—we can work on our homework together." Wes pulled away.
"I'm not hungry, Wes."
"I don't care. You haven't eaten all day." Wes stood. "I'll be back in like an hour and a half."
"Fine." Blaine lay back against his pillows, closing his eyes and trying to forget the world. That wasn't as easy as songs made it out to be.
***LTC***
Blaine knew he should probably eat but the thought of food made him sick to his stomach. He knew he should go through his email, clear out the junk, but he knew there would be those emails from Kurt—the ones he hadn't deleted, the ones that had resulted in him spending half a night crying into his pillow until Wes had slipped into the room, laid on the bed next to Blaine, and hugged him until… well, until Blaine woke up the next morning after some very restless hours of sleep.
Speaking of sleep, Blaine should have probably taken a nap but naps led to dreams about Kurt. Dreams about Kurt went one of ways—Blaine waking up happy, remembering, and feeling as though he'd been broken up with again. Or the alternative, Blaine waking up from a dream replaying the break up over and over and over, also resulting in Blaine feeling as though he'd been broken up with again. Either way, sleep never worked out too well for him.
Blaine sat on his bed and then let himself fall against the pillows, staring up at his light. Maybe he could add the second light bulb on so his room would be brighter. Then again, Blaine didn't exactly feel like being in a bright room. In fact, he wouldn't have minded being in a pitch black room until it quit hurting.
His phone buzzed and he sighed. Of course his ringer wasn't working again. Just like everything else in his sucky life. At least he knew when he checked his voicemails, there wouldn't be any from Kurt. Wes had already deleted all of them that he received over the first few days and Kurt had finally stopped calling.
Blaine pushed dial next to the voicemail icon and made himself comfortable, putting his phone on speaker. First, he heard a voicemail from Wes from the night before.
"Blaine, I'm locked out. It's raining. LET ME IN!"
Blaine tried to crack a smile but couldn't make it come as he deleted the message.
"No, you half pint half blood mutt. Let me in!"
Blaine deleted, rolling his eyes. It had been a while since Wes had called him a mutt.
"I mean that with love, Blainers. But it's really cold. Okay?"
Blaine deleted this one, hoping beyond hope that Wes had deleted all of the voicemails from Kurt like he'd said he had. What if he'd forgotten one? He didn't know what he'd do if he had to hear Kurt's voice… Especially when he wasn't expecting it.
"Hey, it's Alex. Call me back. I've tried calling you a few times but I think I'm catching you when you're in classes. It's important."
Delete. Important meant it was about one of two things: His grandmother's health or his money. Personally, Blaine didn't have it in him to handle any of those things at the time.
And finally, the most recent message began.
"Hello, Mr. Anderson. I'm calling with CMJ in regards to your internship application. Our members here at CMJ feel like you would be a great addition to our practice and would like to schedule an interview with you. Please call the phone number 618-738-3100 at your nearest convenience. Ask to speak to Stephen Desmond."
Blaine stood, grabbing a pen and jotting the number down on a notebook. This was not what he needed. To go for an interview and act like he wanted to be there. He didn't want to be anywhere apart from his bed with a jug of ice cream and a Vogue magazine.
He looked up when the door to his bedroom opened.
"Did you touch my glasses?"
Blaine blinked at his roommate."Why would I touch your glasses?"
"Because they were on the microwave and now they aren't." The guy snapped. "Your friend hasn't been here all day."
"And I haven't left my room all day." Blaine snapped.
"Right. You had to have eaten at some point. Just tell me where you put them and—."
"And what?" Blaine questioned, standing.
"And I won't make you show me."
"I didn't touch your fucking glasses. Maybe if you didn't leave your shit all over the damn place, you would be able to find it." Blaine said, maintaining a composed voice although he wanted to throw himself at his roommate and punch his face in. Or maybe throw the roommate out the window. Or—
"No. You probably took them to jerk off to or something because you're a faggot."
"Right. I enjoy jerking off to my asshole roommate's glasses. That makes a whole lot of sense." Blaine said sarcastically. "I don't know
how you faggy people work."
"If you say the word fag in my presence one more time—."
"You are a fag. You are a faggot. A faggoty faggoty faggot!"
Blaine threw himself at the guy, punching everywhere he could reach after knocking him to the ground. He barely felt the blows the guy landed on him, he didn't feel anything really, until he was roughly pulled into a standing position.
"Blaine! Blaine, stop!" Wes shouted as Blaine struggled to break free.
"I'M DONE! I'm done!" Blaine shouted right back. "Let me go!"
"No!" Wes tightened his grip on Blaine to the point where it was painful.
"You broke my nose! You broke my nose!"
"It's a nosebleed, you idiot! Man up!" Blaine sneered.
"You man up and fuck a girl for a change!" Blaine elbowed Wes (He was going to feel horrible for that later) and threw himself onto the guy again, punching and punching. "You—are—a—pathetic—excuse—for—a—human—being!"
"Blaine, for the love of God, please stop." Wes pleaded, pulling him off again. "It's not worth it."
"I'm out. Find another roommate to deal with him. Apparently even his boyfriend couldn't!" The guy sneered before storming out, hand over his nose.
Blaine moved towards the door as if to go after the guy.
"What are you doing?" Wes demanded, pilling him back. "What if he presses charges?"
"And let them know a faggot knocked him down, got on him, and hit him? Right." Blaine scoffed.
"Blaine, you've got to get a hold of yourself. I know you're hurt and you're angry but you have got to quit doing this."
"Doing what?"
"You just elbowed me to get at that guy." Wes pointed out, sounding desperate. "Your room is an absolute mess. You nearly slept through your class yesterday. You're not eating, you're barely sleeping, and I can't manage making sure you take care of yourself and go to classes while taking care of myself and going to my classes."
"You don't have to take care of me. Nobody has to take care of me." Blaine snapped.
"If you won't, then who will?" Wes asked, watching him.
"I'm fine. Just because David is in New York doesn't mean you have to play mother hen. I'll eat when I want, I'll sleep when I want. I'm 22 years old."
"Blaine, come on… You won't even talk about it. When you're home, all you do is sit in here and at night you cry yourself to sleep even if I come in here with you." Wes frowned. "I know you're hurting but you're not handling it the right way."
"Like you could understand. All you do is have sex with girls and forget their names two days later. You've never been in love and you can't know how I feel!"
"You're right… but I can understand you're hurting and acting in a self-destructive manner. So snap out of it and quit snapping at me."
"I'm leaving."
"Where are you going?"
"For a walk. Anywhere but here." Blaine moved past Wes.
"Can I go with you?" Wes asked.
"Just do your homework. You've got an exam tomorrow. I'm fine." Blaine sighed and made his way out of the house.
I should have brought my iPhone, Blaine thought several minutes later as he turned down a street, not sure where he was going but not wanting to go back to their house. Not back to Wes and his worrying. Not back to his Asshole roommate. To schoolwork that was such a chore to do. To a room that needed to be cleaned.
"Hey there."
Blaine looked up to see Adrian, who had been walking in the other direction. Had he really ran that far that he was near Adrian's house? Wow.
"Oh, you don't look like you're in a good mood. What happened?" Adrian questioned.
"I don't want to talk about it." Blaine muttered.
"Alright." Adrian nodded. "Well how are you holding up?"
"I don't want to talk about that either."
"What do you want to talk about?" Adrian asked.
"Some people called me about an internship."
"That's great!" Adrian smiled.
"Yeah. I guess." Blaine scowled.
"Come on."
"What?"
"Come on. Let's go and get some food." Adrian said.
"I don't have anything with me." Blaine said dumbly.
"My roommate made pizza. It's all kinds of delicious awesomeness." Adrian promised.
"I don't know… I don't look presentable."
"Gary's not home." Adrian shrugged.
"Wait, you live with Gary?"
Adrian grinned. "How else would I have access to his shampoo?"
"Are you two dating?" Blaine questioned.
"God no." Adrian looked at him like he was crazy. "No, no, no, no, no."
"That's very adamant. Do you like him?"
"No."
"Uh huh."
"Trust me. Maybe I did for like a week but then you live with him. No way. His bathroom is disgusting. Anytime he leaves the door open and I see it I want to vomit in my mouth." Adrian said very seriously. "I have never met a gay man as disgusting as him. Can we stop talking about it?"
"So you want me to eat pizza a disgusting person cooked?"
"He's a germ freak in the kitchen. Don't ask. But he makes awesome food." Adrian led into his house.
"I like your house." Blaine said, looking around.
"Thanks." Adrian smiled brightly and pointed towards the kitchen. "What have you done for fun since… you know?"
Blaine shrugged, taking the piece of pizza that Adrian offered him.
"Oh, come on. You live in Boston. There are so many things you could do to take your mind off of things." Adrian sat on a stool by his counter, motioning for Blaine to sit as well. "You can't just sit around your house all the time."
"I can so." Blaine protested.
Adrian looked at him. "You're not handling this break up very well, are you?"
Blaine looked down and shook his head.
"Break ups suck."
"It wasn't just a break up." Blaine sighed. "I mean, we just… had all of these plans. And his family was like my family. It's stupid. And I think I'm angry at myself for being so invested in a relationship but…"
"You all had been together like five years. It would have been weird if you weren't invested in the relationship, right?" Adrian asked. Blaine shrugged.
"I guess. It's just hard to…" he trailed off.
"Break ups suck. I've been on both ends of them. You'll be okay. First month is the worst."
"Great so in a month I'll feel all better?" Blaine asked sarcastically.
"No. However in a week you'll be distracted, though. Mock trial coming up." Adrian pointed out.
Blaine groaned. "That's in two weeks?"
"Yep. Meaning you've got one week until you're too distracted to think about your break up." Adrian said, voice overly cheerful.
"I'm trying so hard to feel motivated." Blaine sighed, barely eating any of his pizza. "It's hard enough to eat or sleep. Wes has to force me to sleep."
"You have a nice roommate. Gary wouldn't care." Adrian laughed a bit.
"We've been best friends since we were fourteen." Blaine explained.
"And you both came to Harvard?"
"He's in the biochem program. It kind of ended up that way." Blaine took a bite of his pizza and stared at the counter glumly.
"We're going to do something this weekend. Your roommate Wes should come." Adrian announced. "Wes and I are going to break you out of this funk."
"I really don't —."
"I'm not taking no for an answer." Adrian shrugged one shoulder. "Sorry. The only thing that could get you out of it is an internship interview and that won't take all weekend."
Blaine hesitantly looked up.
"You'll thank me. Promise." Blaine sighed a bit. "Yeah, maybe. I think I'm going to go. Thanks for the pizza… I'll see you in class tomorrow."
"Cheer up, Blaine." Adrian said, walking him to the door. "Have a good night."
"I'll try." Blaine promised. "You too."