Here we are, back on track. Life, you know?

Guest: There was a lot going on for Gillian, of course she's happy he's ok but this has been really hard on her.

Now, ready to move on and find out if they can make it through this too.

It was childish, maybe, petty even, but it was the only thing that had come to her mind.

She had left the office without even thinking about going to see Cal and ignoring glances from the staff. Once inside the car and driving away Gillian had realised that she didn't know where to go: her home was Cal's home now, and clearly she couldn't just go there when she had just avoided him. So she had stopped at the first convenience store she had spotted, bought a bottle of wine and food that didn't require any cooking and driven to her former apartment. There wasn't much left there, she had already done most of the moving with the enthusiastic and somewhat interested help from Emily and Cal, but still enough to spend a comfortable night if she had to.

The place was already up for sale, but an assessment from the estate agent had found that with a couple of small adjustments they could probably place it at a higher price and therefore there was no rush. For weeks Gillian hadn't thought that still having her one place was gonna come in handy, but she was grateful to have the option that night. She still didn't know how she felt about it, conflicted between the relief and happiness of finally having him back and the disappointment for his reckless behaviour, but she knew that she couldn't see him, not until she'd figured out which way to go.

She missed him, of course, and to know that he was ok certainly topped everything else. Cal had been away only for a few days and even without the added stress it was becoming unbearable to stay apart: but she was mad, at him for being his usual risk-taker self, and at herself for being so stubborn and cold in welcoming him back. She had barely looked at him in her office, too upset to do otherwise, and perhaps if she had put in some effort she might have seen something she liked: but the only things she had really been able to see were his injuries, and it didn't matter how minor they might be.

It was irrational, but aside from when she had been focusing on the case that was how she had felt over the past days. From the moment she had known Cal had to go over there she had felt like most of her thoughts and actions had been like that, irrational and foreign to her, but it had been something she wasn't able to control. Like in that moment, drinking alone in the half-lit kitchen - sort of former kitchen already - knowing that all she wanted at that moment was to be with him but not knowing how to.

After a while, her phone rang somewhere in her purse and she let it go, imagining it was Cal and being clueless on how to deal with him. She didn't answer the first nor the second time, not surprised when no more attempts were made. Cal obviously knew better, but after a few more minutes the phone just let out a single buzz. Gillian took her time and finished the glass of wine and the salad, then calmly went to fetch the phone from her bag. It all checked out, as expected: two missed calls from Cal and one voicemail message. He must have found out that she had sneaked out without telling him, and considering their last interaction only two calls and a message showed incredible restraint on his part.

Feeling like rewarding such controlled behaviour, Gillian sighed and accessed the mobile's voicemail to listen to the message, then played it while pouring herself another glass.

"Hei Gill, I- Well, I'm going to keep it short, chances are you won't listen to this anyway." Self-loathing didn't suit him, and made his voice sound awful. But then again, who's fault was it? "I got the hint, it was pretty obvious, and I understand. But now I'm in a pickle, love. All I want to do is to get the chance to talk to you but I don't want to push you. I just want you to know that I miss you, and I love you…and that I'll wait." Damn him, the acceptance and sweetness in his voice just wrapping around her heart even through a recorded message. "I don't care how long you need or what you have to do, and if what you need right now is sitting in your kitchen and drinking alone I'll go along with that. Just remember to lock up, ok? Goodnight, love. "

The message ended and Gillian slowly put down the phone, then walked to the window and looked outside. She hadn't waited that long to listen to the message but she figured he'd gone already after leaving it, but she could see his car parked in the street nevertheless. If he had been looking inside before he clearly wasn't anymore, because only a few seconds after Gillian saw him, Cal drove away.

Confused, even more than before, Gillian went back to the table and listened to the message again, easily picking up on a few more things he had left behind, whether he meant it or not. Then she thought back about her conversation with Major Miles, how she had efficiently given her the stone cold facts focusing almost exclusively on the fact that the original incident had been a justified shooting, and for the first time she wondered if she had missed the chance to ask some very important questions.

It was late, outrageously late, but he couldn't sleep.

His internal clock was all messed up after the trip, and of course he had way too many things going on through his mind. He had tried napping, watching TV and even catching up on some work, but no matter what he did his mind was constantly drifting back to Gillian. He had been surprised to find out that she had left the office without a word, even though a few more thoughts about it had changed his mind. Once he had accepted that, reluctantly, he had known that he wasn't going to find her at home, but he had taken a taxi there anyway mostly to drop his luggage and get his own car. On a whim he had gone by at her place, convincing himself all he wanted was to make sure she was there. When he had seen her through the window he'd had to fight against himself to keep his ass on the seat, and as much as it went against his nature not to do anything, especially when it came to her, he had opted for the message.

He really did, understood her point that was, but he was also desperate to see her and explain. And yet there he was, alone in their house in the middle of the night, dressed as if ready to go somewhere while he knew he was just going to sit on the couch, hoping the super boring book about linguistic he had picked from what had become her side of the library would either bore him to sleep or fall on his face and choke him to death.

After a couple of hours it was becoming clear that neither was going to happen and Cal was ready to get back to the last resort of watching TV, when the noise of keys in the front door bolted him on his feet. Still, after the first instinctive reaction, Cal slowed down and tried not to rush it. Careful, as if he was about to face a wild animal that might easily scare and run back into the woods, Cal walked over to the hallway and stood on the door, silent, watching as Gillian hung her coat to the rack. He was glad to see her, even if she looked unsure about being there, and since it seemed like his strategy of waiting was paying off he wasn't going to rush it.

Gillian felt his eyes on her the second he came close enough and tried to keep her composure, putting away her things and leaving the shoes by the entrance as she normally did. Then, nervously fidgeting with her fingers, she turned towards him and tried to look up at him. She didn't say anything, not right away, but didn't seem to want to stop him when he took a couple of steps closer. Gillian knew he could see enough but that he was trying not to, whereas she was having full access to his face and body language. He looked like he had cleaned up, which seemed to highlight the wounds on his face, framed as it was by his reading glasses. He was looking at her from behind the lenses, soft and gentle, and Gillian suddenly felt like the opening line she had prepared was going to be terrible.

"I…I spoke with Captain Faulkner. I called him about one hour ago."

Cal gave her a look, a wry and tired look that was a mix of amusement, understanding, a touch of his trademark cheekiness and, mostly, relief. He quickly realised he didn't need to speak, because he had a fairly accurate guess about what the Captain might have told her. So he wisely kept his mouth shut and took a couple of steps forward, the two of them engaging in some kind of dance with Gillian moving as if to make room for him as he stood in front of her in the hallway. They faced each other for a few seconds, their eyes wandering all over the other's face.

Then, in the blink of an eye, Gillian took a quick step forward, grabbed his face in her hands and pushed him against the wall, assaulting his mouth in a hungry and desperate kiss. The impact was so unexpected and forceful, so uncontrolled and uncontrollable, that Cal's glasses were knocked off of his face and flew against the door, but he didn't care one bit. The moment she touched him, Cal only had one thing in mind: let her do whatever she wanted, give her whatever she needed.

He kissed back, feeling the tight hold of her hands around his neck and returning a similar gesture of his own, putting one hand on the back of her head and the other down her back, pulling her close. More than kissing they were fighting, the most desperate and passionate fight they've ever been on, lips and tongues looking for random targets, missing and then just going after anything they could get. Gillian pushed him against the wall even more, pressing her body on him and kissing with something that felt like rage almost, her hands moving down to press against his chest and then behind him, finding his butt cheeks and holding them firmly as she pushed her pelvis on his. Cal was out of breath, his brain failing to tell his mouth or hands what to do and just decided to abandon himself at her mercy, getting what she offered and giving her everything she demanded.

They've had lust-lead sex in the past, but nothing like the way Gillian was going after him that night and Cal had no intention to question or stop it. She needed it, they needed it, and quite frankly the way she was sucking life out of him with her mouth on his neck was enough to make him forget about nearly everything. So much so that when she stopped to say something, albeit only for a few seconds, he nearly wanted to scream.

"You stayed put," she moaned hoarsely while biting his lobe, her teeth sinking in the soft spot of flesh before moving down to the skin of his neck.

"I did," he replied, barely able to speak when her right hand grabbed his crotch with sheer desire.

"You stayed at the base."

The words coming from her were confused, broken by increasingly loud moaning and kisses that had now gone back to his mouth, sucking and biting at his lips.

"Yes," Cal managed to respond, trying to get hold of her long enough to return the passionate favour.

"Why?" Gillian asked, breathless, sticking her tongue deep inside his mouth before he could reply, exploring him forcefully and deeply for a long while before giving him the chance to respond.

"Because you asked me to."

Cal didn't think much of his response, because it was the truth and because thinking was a very difficult affair at that very moment, but he wasn't ready for her reaction to it. At his words Gillian groaned loudly, a roar of blind passion echoing from hers to his mouth as she kissed him again, then her hands grabbed the hem of his pants, fingers hooking on the inside, and she stepped backwards until she slammed her own back against the wall taking him with her.

The second she had him trap her against the wall Cal knew what she wanted and didn't hesitate for a moment. That was not how he had pictured his return home, but it didn't matter. Gillian wanted him and he wanted her and more than that if there had ever been a time in which they didn't need words it was that moment. Taking the lead, he kissed back forcefully and pushed her up against the wall even more, devouring her with his mouth while his hands went to undo his pants and push them down along with his briefs just what he needed, then his mouth moved to her neck and he licked and sucked at the spot she liked until he had he shiver and moan his name loudly.

Gillian wasn't ready to give up control and certainly had no intention to slow down; not with him so close, not with his hands roaming her skin and looking for her breasts under her top, not with his mouth on her, not with that spicy taste and smell of him feeding her sense. She could tell he had showered but there was still a whiff of sun and dust and sweat on him, the same she had caught hold off during the brief and contradictory embrace they had shared in her office, and now it was all mixed up with the way he always smelled and tasted to her, especially when they were having sex. In the fight to kiss each other they were both losers and winners, but she could definitely get the edge in moving things forward. Feeling his hard and warm member pressing against her when Cal started to trust forward without even realising he was doing so, Gillian let go of him with her hands and used them to hike up her skirt and push it up her legs. She didn't bother with taking it off or even on the fly in the side: she simply pulled her skirt up exposing her pelvis and scrambled to push her panties down just as far as she needed, exactly what Cal had done with his own clothes.

He didn't even need to look, he didn't need to ask. Cal sensed what she was doing and a second after she was done he seized her hips and pushed her up, entering her without caring for much for preparation or foreplay. It wasn't needed, she was slick and warm and ready for him and while she screamed out his name as he adjusted inside her Gillian wrapped her legs around him, holding onto his shoulders with her hands, locking her ankles together and arching her back to meet his thrusts. Cal picked his pace, fast but not too fast because there was a serious risk it could all be over way too soon, going for depth and strength over speed. He liked it that way and he knew she did too, because that way they could feel it all, all the power of them together and make the most out of it. They kissed for a while as they found their rhythm, still ravenous and hungry like famished cannibals feasting on each other, not saying a coherent word beside calling each other's name, moaning and gasping and grunting to express all their passion.

Suddenly, Cal moved his right arm under her leg and shifted it slightly, increasing the tempo and stealing a guttural sound of appreciation for her. Then he rested his head on the crock of her neck, his mouth pressed on her skin, and started to go even deeper and faster and focusing solely on the sensations she was giving him with her whole body responding to him.

Their climax found them with no warning, even after months spent learning how to read each other and identifying all the right cues to secure mutual satisfaction. It had been too long, too difficult a time apart for them to put into that moment anything more than pure desire and animalistic passion. Gillian came first but just about, Cal falling over the edge the second he felt her around him and kept thrusting into her, his arms holding her up against the wall and his body still slowly slamming into her until his brain managed to send a signal that it was over. He still held her up, every muscle on his body working to keep her there so that he could still be inside her, kiss her, touch her, feel her legs around him and her sex swallow him the most blissful way.

It took a look time for him to stop, for Gillian to stop shaking in his arms and for the both of them to stop hyperventilating. Cal didn't want to give up on any of that, the sensation of their bodies finally joined together as one, but the strain of having her right there against the wall started to get to his shaky legs after a while. Moving carefully, Cal held her tight and gently spun them around until he was the one with his back against the wall then, still holding her and still inside her, he slowly sat down on the floor. Gillian moaned softly a couple of times, his member inside her still getting at parts that would make her shiver, but when he was seated she adjusted on his lap and wrapped her arms around his head, keeping his face closer to her while she nuzzled his neck with her mouth, moaning softly and purring like cat.

They stayed like that for a while, an odd position that looked everything but comfortable and yet they wouldn't have broken up for anything in the world. Gillian sat on his lap with her knees on the floor, gently caressing the back of his neck with one hand and leaving the other on his chest for support. Cal's hands were on her hips, moving down from there to her legs and then back up, breathing into the fabric of her top. They were still more than half dressed, having removed only what was necessary to have their way with each other, but they didn't care about that as much as they didn't care about the fact that they were wrapped up on the floor.

After a long and peaceful silence, Gillian shifted her head a bit and kissed him, this time slowly and softly, glad that they could switch to that from the uncontrolled lust of before. Then she kissed his forehead, a gesture that might have seemed out of place but that Cal welcomed with a smile and then returned.

Eventually, Gillian let out a pleased and relaxed sigh and nestled in his arms more, absently brushing her face on his bearded cheek.

"I'm sorry," she whispered then, her voice communicating the shame he couldn't see with her face suddenly sinking in his chest.

"Don't be, I understood you-"

"I shouldn't have asked you," she cut him off then shaking her head, her voice charged with regret and shame.

"Why not?" Cal asked softly.

"Relationships are not about changing each other. You shouldn't be a different person just because I ask you to."

Cal gently held the back of her head and moved it so that she would look at him, serious but also smiling at her.

"Maybe so, but they are about evolving, together," he spoke softly. "I should look after myself, and think about the people who care about me. And it's too late anyway, love. I've already changed. I had already been looking for reasons to stay at the camp for that last trip. I couldn't bear what that would have done to you."

"I didn't have the right to ask," Gillian went on commiserating.

She seemed deaf to his reasoning, too caught up with thinking that very little of what she had done around that case was something to be proud of. But Cal was not having it, he had been on that side of the fence too many times to let her do that to herself.

"The hell you don't!" He spat back at her, hoping she could hear he meant well behind that tone. "We are together, it's not just about me anymore. Trust me love, if there had really been a way for me not to go I wouldn't have. "

"I don't want you to be different, to make you change for me."

"You're not Gillian, it's just happening." His smile was something Gillian had never seen before, and it was a good thing that he was holding her in his arms because she could just about melt away because of it. "If I am changing it is because I want to, because I am comfortable doing that with you." Not for the first time, Cal was glad that the woman he loved was an expert in speech pattern and language because he knew she would be able to see he was choosing every word very carefully. "Besides, I'm not the only one who is changing."

"I'm sure you remember I tried to stop from going to Afghanistan," she mumbled with a smile, but Cal grinned, ready to counter.

"Oh, I'm not talking about that love," he whispered with a teasing voice, gently nuzzling her neck with his lips. "But not two weeks ago you came into my office looking all tasty, sitting on my lap and flirting your way to a company barbecue."

Gillian opened her mouth to counter again but Cal didn't let her, silencing her with a kiss that damn nearly made her pass out by how deep and powerful it was. When they broke apart Cal smiled, also begging her with his eyes to let it go because he didn't want to waste anymore time talking about that, gently brushing her lips with his finger before leaving another light kiss there. Gillian seemed to relax thanks to his words and actions, maybe finally realising that she didn't have to worry about it anymore, then she snuggled up on him again as her finger gently hovered on the black mark around his eyes.

"What happened there then? How did you get hurt?"

Cal chuckled at the question, absently touching the cut on his cheek as he explained.

"The boys took me out to celebrate when they came back from the village. Too many beers, a strong arm competition gone wrong and a bruised ego later and this happened."

"You fought a soldier?" She asked, incredulous.

"He started it," came Cal's childish response, which still made her chuckle.

"He did a number on you," Gillian observed then, softly kissing the corner of his black eye and wondering if she hadn;t hurt him by being so aggressive before.

"You should have seen the other guy," he stated, all smug and proud while shaking his head as if to tell her she didn't have to worry about his bruises. "That's why they shipped me home as soon as they could, pretty much plucked me out of the camp's bar and put me on the first aircraft."

Gilliand shook her head and smiled, thinking that maybe he was right, that he wasn't ever really going to change but simply adjust, and that perhaps she was doing the same without noticing because it was a natural thing to do.

"I'm sorry I was so hard on you, I-" Cal shook his head and waved a hand, water under the bridge. "Why didn't you tell me? I mean..you tried, ok, but why didn't you-"

"I had never seen you so mad at me, at least in a while, not since we got together…the first time." Cal sighed and shook his head, thoughtful for a moment. "I thought if I pushed too much I would lose you, and I can't go through that again."

"I just needed some time. I wouldn't let you go without a fight, Cal, not again. I hope you know that." She looked at him, serious and determined. "I've had life with and without you…the second one couldn't stand a chance."

Cal smiled sheepishly at her, knowing exactly how she felt. Before their breakup he had tried not to delude himself with the fact that they would be together forever, but since they had gotten back together he had decided he sure as hell was not going to let anything get in between them easily.

"And what about that?" She asked then, moving the fabric of his shirt on his left shoulder revealing an oddly shaped mark.

"That's on you, love," he grinned spectacularly. "I believe you just bit me."

"Oh my God Cal, I am so sorry!"

"Don't be. I liked it."

He smirked at her as he said that, conveying all the appreciation for the gesture and the thrill of added pleasure it had given him in the midst of it all. What was best, Gillian first looked down at him with a touch of shock, but then grinned with the same lustful look in her eyes and they both knew they had something interesting to keep in mind for the future.

Then he pulled her closer a little, gently brushing hair off her face and stroking her cheek, well aware of the fact that they were half naked on the floor and thinking there was no other place where he'd rather be. As if reading his mind, not only Gillian didn't give any sign of discomfort but instead smiled at him, moving slightly on his lap as she leaned down to kiss him. The movement made him groan, feeling himself twitch inside her. At first he thought it wasn't entirely intentional, that swing of her hips, but then the kiss deepened and she pushed her breasts into his chest and he got the hint.

He grinned stupidly and reacted accordingly, straightening his back against the wall and bending his legs slightly, his hands on her ass as he pulled her closer, enjoying how she responded with the same lustful guttural sound at the stimulation. Gillian took hold of his face in her hands, clearly not worried about his injuries, kissing him deeply and gently and moving along with her whole body. Cal responded in stride, but while his lips were busy with hers he started undoing the buttons of her top, carefully taking it off of her. When he stroked her breasts through the thin fabric of the bra Gillian moaned loudly, arching her back to get more out of his touch and encourage the next step. Cal obeyed to the cue he had learned so well and kissed her mounds without removing her bra, knowing the fabric added a much appreciated tickle to pleasant sensation, but after a while his hunger for her flesh took over and he removed the garment to get full access. When he buried his face in her chest Gillian stretched her neck up with a loud gasp, gripping the hair on the back of his head and holding him in position.

Cal kissed and sucked for a while - God was he good at that! - barely aware of the fact that she was moving on top of him with a slow rhythm that was bringing things back to life in his groynes.

"Maybe we should move this to the bed," he managed to say with his mouth now on her neck.

"Maybe, yeah," came Gillian's breathless response.

Then Cal's hands went down to her hips, holding them down on his lap and getting in some movements of his own.

"Or the couch," he kissed up her neck then bit at her lobe, "at least."

"Couch sounds good."

In words they agreed, but neither of them gave any sign to go in that direction. Instead, Cal steadied his hands on her and pushed himself up but only to lay her down on the floor. Gillian giggled, she really did laugh all giddy with anticipation at the prospect of him making love to her on the floor, and wrestled herself out of the remaining clothes while Cal swiftly pulled his t-shirt above his head and tossed it behind him. He saw her eyes going wide and black as she licked her lips looking at his bare chest, wondering when he had found the time to get some sun on that during the case, then grinned and leaned down to cover her body with his. For the first time that night he was the one initiating the kiss, and it was the kind of kiss Gillian loved the most. It was slow, dedicated, giving, delicate; the kind of kiss that reminded her of how much he loved her, how unafraid he was to show her and that expressed all the regret for the time they had wasted away from each other.

Then he did something else she had come to like quite a lot, sneaking his hand between her legs and working his magic inside her until she was just about ready for him again. Cal didn't make her wait, he could hardly wait himself at that point, and soon they were once again moving as one, gasping and moaning between kisses until they were both spent and satisfied.

And still with no intention to get their asses off the floor.