Part 7

CHRISTMAS NIGHTS, INTO DREAMS

The city a sea of lights. Billions of them. Brilliant and dazzling. Blinking and shimmering. Lights decorating every shop and house. Lights covering the canopies of trees, wrapped around their bending branches. Lights on boats, floating like phantoms across the harbor. Tiny golden ones proliferated; red and green ones were also common. Rarer were cerulean and violet. Lights fashioned into the shape of stars and bulbs. Building perimeters neatly framed by lights. Imposing pillars and columns of lights. Arches of lights forming hallways to walk under. Veils of lights suspended in the air.

"Aren't they pretty, Edward?"
Edward and Kim found themselves walking through an upscale outdoor plaza, at the center of all these lights. He nodded. They were beyond pretty, he thought. Christmas in suburbia was pretty. Christmas in Los Angeles was a grand pageant on the world's stage. Even better, he had Kim Boggs to share it with.

The plaza was crowded with holiday exhibits and sightseers. The chatter of eager voices wishing peace on Earth. Edward, at that moment, needed to know something.

"Kim, what's Christmas about? What are we celebrating?"
"So many things. We're celebrating the birth of God in the world...we're celebrating a time when miracles happen...we're celebrating being with our loved ones...our families."
Edward noticed what was missing. "Your family is back at home..."
"I know."
"Are you sad about that?"
"A little. But I pointed out to my mom that you might not have anyone to spend Christmas with, and that made her more okay with me visiting you. ...Edward?"
Kim clung to her man as they walked. "I was miserable after you left. I felt lost in life. Going off to college was hard for me. But I was really happy when the weather got colder and it started snowing. It never did that before you came down...And just recently I've remembered how it feels to be alive."
As she said this, a vision of Edward's father, smiling, passed through his mind; he turned to look at Kim.
"I'm so glad to hear that. You can be my family tonight."
"Yes, Edward. I absolutely will."

"The night starts here, the night starts here
Forget your name, forget your fear
The time we have, the task at hand
The love it takes to become a man"
-Stars

Nestled among towering buildings and space-age architecture, an ice skating rink welcomed visitors of all ages. Edward and Kim were next in line, and an attendant granted them each a pair of skates. Kim laced up Edward's skates, then laced up her own. They waddled onto the rink. Kim took to the ice naturally and Edward watched her, studying how to keep his balance. He admired her elegant, swanlike movements. Edward began to move forward, clumsily at first, but after several minutes adjusting his technique bit by bit, he too was gliding with ease. "Very good", Kim praised him. He increased his speed to match her, challenged himself to go a bit quicker with each lap, and made sure he kept his hands far, far away from the other skaters. Edward told Kim "put your arm in mine", and she did so eagerly. Locked in this position, they made eachother feel like a king and queen, and they skated onward in their coronation march.

. . .

In a public courtyard, a banner reading "Christmas Karaoke" hung above a small stage with speakers, a microphone and lyric display. Onstage was a small girl of about 9 years old, belting out "Winter Wonderland". After the song ended, the audience roared with applause. The party's hostess approached the girl to give her a hug.

"Wow, such a big voice for such a little lady! What's your name?"
"Emily.", the girl spoke into the microphone.
"Thank you so much for singing tonight, Emily! Happy Holidays!", and Emily walked offstage to her parents, who were beaming.

"Who wants to go next?", the hostess asked the crowd.
"I'll go", Kim volunteered, and she walked to the stage. She was usually on the shy side, but, feeling adventurous, she chose to seize a moment in the spotlight. Her selection was the hymn "Angels We Have Heard On High". As Edward listened to her voice dance from pitch to pitch as she sang "Glooooooria", goosebumps formed on his skin. This song was sublime! Such a melody only could have come from heaven, he thought. Some of the other onlookers began to sing with her, their voices melding into a makeshift choir.

. . .

At a bakery, Edward bought two gingerbread men for he and his lady. Kim chewed her treat with her eyes closed. Edward impaled his on his index scissor, then moved to take a bite out of the head. It was a torrent of tastes: chocolate, cinnamon, whipped cream, nutmeg...glancing at the man's half-devoured head, Edward noticed that his smile was still there, as if totally unaware that he was being eaten, or even jubilant about being eaten. It looked completely absurd, and that made Edward laugh quietly. Then he realized: "This is the first time I've ever laughed." Sure, he'd forced himself to laugh before: at the limericks his father read him, at the "no cutting the cards" joke George Monroe told him at the barbecue...the truth was, he didn't actually understand what was going on. The juxtaposition of a smiling face and a destroyed head was easier to understand.

Exiting the shopping center, the couple walked along a busy road, where pedestrians hustled and cars cluttered the lanes. A metro train glided by. "Where should we go next?", asked Kim. At that moment, something landed in her hand. Something freezing. When she glanced down, she saw frost on her palm and when she looked up, she saw something she would never forget.

Snowflakes were beginning to slowly descend from the blackness of the night sky. Only a few at first, but then with greater frequency, so poetic, so delicate. People around them were gawking in disbelief. "Oh my gosh, this is amazing!" "I've gotta get a picture of this." "Wow, I never though this would happen!" "Dude, no way!" Yet, it was happening in Los Angeles, synonymous with beaches, palm trees and California sunshine. Kim turned to Edward, who stood motionless in the surreal storm.

"It snows wherever you go!", she told him. "You've got something magical in you." He shrugged and smiled slightly.

There was a park in a neighborhood, and young kids, wanting to get the most out of what could be a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence, rushed the parkgrounds en masse and dug into the snow. They pranced in it, they slid across it, they caught flakes on their tongue. They tried to build with it. Mostly just small forms, but one particularly ambitious group of boys was scooping snow into large blocks, which they then stacked atop one another. "We're gonna make an igloo!", their leader declared.

Edward watched the children build, and he wondered. What was it was like to be so small in size? Edward's father had created him using the frame of a fully grown man, so the experience of "growing up" was lost to him. Was it frightening? Or would it be fun to be a little larger each year? Or, was the process so gradual as to be unnoticeable? He didn't know.

Poof!

Edward's deep thoughts on childhood were disturbed by something soft and wet hitting him in the back of the head. A snowball. He shook his head rapidly to rid his hair of ice, then looked around. Who had thrown it? He turned to Kim, who smiled cheekily, feigning innocence but being nothing except obvious.

Two could play that game. Squatting down and holding his scissorhands together as spades, Edward scooped up a massive pile of snow and hurled it right at Kim. She yelped, knowing immediately she had picked a losing fight. There wasn't even room to dodge. WHOOF! The arsenal knocked her to the ground.
"Eep! Okay, okay, I surrender! There, you happy?"
"Yes", Edward grinned, and began to brush the snow off of her with his boot.
"Gosh, talk about overkill!"
"I thought it was funny."
"Maybe to you, but the fight would've lasted longer if you'd thrown something smaller."
"I wanted to win."
"I can see that."
Looking for something to do besides play hardball, Kim thought a moment, glancing at the increasingly snowy ground. "Hmmm...do you want to make snow angels?"
"What's that?"
"That's when you lay on your back in the snow and move your arms and legs back and forth to make an angel shape."
They sprawled on the ground and soon two snow angels formed. The long span of Edward's fingers gave his angel majestic wings.
"Awww, it looks like one of them is protecting the other one!", Kim cooed, as Edward bent down to give her a little kiss on her face.

As the snow continued to fall, Edward and Kim sat on a wooden bench, reflecting on their immensely enchanted evening.
"My goodness...Everything is perfect right now. I don't want this night to end, Edward! I want it to go on until the end of time."
"This is the most fun I've ever had, Kim. Even more fun than when Kevin took me to Show And Tell."
Then he added: "...could you please not tell Kevin I said that?"
"He'd agree with you if he was here!", she said to Edward's relief.

There was silence. Then Kim started a new conversation:

"I've been wondering: about your father...why did he invent a human-making machine?"
"...he wanted to help infertile people. I think he and my mother were infertile. They had to find another way to have a child. "
"A machine that can help infertile people...Edward, that's the sort of thing that should be shared with the world. There are so many people who want children but can't have them, and they're hurting."
"His research notes are still at the mansion. There's probably some people who could build more machines if they had the notes."
"So there's hope."
"Yes."

Just then, Kim's memory lit up with something urgent.
"Do you remember when my dad asked you what to do if you found missing money?"
"Yes. I said I'd give the money to my loved ones."
"...I need to talk to you about that."
"You said it was nice."
"It is nice. I mean, my first instinct is to always do the nice thing...but sometimes you have to look at more than that. The money already belongs to someone. There might be some sort of emergency where they need that money to pay for something, and they don't have it."
Edward thought for a moment. "That's true."
"If you find a wallet or a suitcase with money in it, there's someone looking for it. So, take it to someone like a store manager or a security guard."
"Yes, definitely."
"Thank you, Edward. I...went too easy on you back then."
"I'm glad you told me. It's good to know. Luckily I haven't seen any lost wallets since I got here." He smiled sheepishly.

And so the night wore on and eventually the snowfall subsided. The children played until a late hour, when their parents told them, to their disappointment, it was time to go home. Yet, Edward and Kim remained in this kingdom of snow: a sky of low clouds, swooping to caress the mountains with silver fog. Tall shady trees sprinkled with snowfall. A silently sleeping lake, and on the other side a snow-covered hill with houses upon it, their lights shining like beacons.

Kim had drifted into a reverie. Then, Edward asked: "did you hear that?" Listening close, she could indeed hear something faint. Every few seconds, from out of the silence, voices arose. Many of them. They were coming from the south, from somewhere beyond the park entrance. "Maybe they're carolers...", Kim suggested.

Rising from their bench, they decided to walk off and search for the source of the voices. Southbound, out of the park and into the streets they wandered. Each step they took, their feet crushed the snow beneath them. They walked five minutes, and then five more. The sound was continually growing louder, yet there still was no source in sight. It was incredible how far the voices carried, as if transported by invisible messengers.

Finally the singing climaxed and they knew they must be near something. They turned the next corner...and the origin was revealed. The two of them were standing before the black iron gates of a one-hundred year old church.

Passing through the gates, Edward and Kim stepped across a courtyard to an ivory building, its blue doors wide open. They stepped inside. The church was crowded with parishioners. A crimson carpet at the entrance led through the foyer, to a wall of icons depicting Jesus and many saints. There were candles at the main altar, and also in the hands of those worshipping, as they stood at attention. The priest sung his proclamations of good news and great joy, and a rich, mellifluous choir responded to each proclamation. Smoke billowed from a swaying censer and permeated the church with the fragrances of myrrh and frankincense. "This is beautiful...", Kim said as she stared forward. Edward nodded.

There was another arrival behind them: a man perhaps in his 60s, with a leonine beard. This man approached Edward and spoke something cordially to him in a language he didn't know. He then walked deeper into the church and vanished into the crowd.

Kim was perfectly familiar with the Nativity Story, but did Edward know about it? Was it something his father had taught him? She couldn't say.

Watching and listening, Edward surmised three things: first, he'd never been in any place like this before. It was as if he'd stepped into another realm entirely, or perhaps even out of time. Second, he got the idea that it, in some way, served as a sanctuary. A sanctuary where beauty could flourish and not be overpowered by the ugliness in the outside world. Third, everyone here seemed to be ardently awaiting the arrival of...someone. He didn't think it was him they were waiting for. Was it the man who greeted him just now? Or someone else? It was a mystery.

Edward and Kim watched the church's vigil for about 45 minutes, through various prayers and songs. By this point, sleep began to call to them both.
"It's getting late", Edward said.
"Yeah, I'm a little drowsy.", Kim affirmed.
They walked out of the church and down the road to the nearest bus stop. Soon a shuttle came to take them back to Edward's house.

This night had been something supreme to them both, a night of promises fulfilled, a night of unity and celebration, a night of bliss. Sadly, it's at these exact moments, standing at what seems like the pinnacle of our existence, when the forces of negativity, fear and self-doubt strike hardest. They aim to ruin the flourishing we've obtained. Which is exactly what happened.

From somewhere unknown, a haunting thought had lodged within Edward while at the bus stop. It started as small discomfort and grew and grew during the ride home. By the time he was getting into bed, it was a frustrated pounding in his brain, an existential angst leaving him trembling under the sheets.

He said nothing the rest of the night and it took him hours to get to reach sleep. His blanket was thick and fuzzy, his pillow was cool and fluffy, and Kim's hand cupped his shoulder as she slept soundly, but Edward was wide-eyed and tortured by his realization:

Ever since his father died, just before he was to receive human hands, Edward had yearned to become a finished human, but now, he understood: becoming finished meant far more than just "having hands", and not only did he feel he had fallen short of these points, he had lost his certainty that he even knew what "being a finished human" meant.