Hey folks! Here I am finally back with another chapter. Given its been written over about two weeks at the average time of 1am, its probably not quite up to par but I thought it would just be best to post while I actually have a few seconds off work! :D I've got wednesday off so I might go all optimistic on you and vow to try and update that day as well but until then I hope you like this...reviews are welcomed as always. A huge thanks to all those of you who are reading and an extra big thanks to the ones who actually leave a review...you're heroes! :D xxx
Oh and if you want to I've based this chapter on the beautiful track by Adele called 'Make you feel my love'. It might sound like a bad porno, but the piano in it is simply gorgeous and it might help to listen to it when you're reading this. Especially the Allie paragraph later on. :) Thanks guys!
Harry stared down at the slight bruise on his knuckles, his stomach lurching with the knowledge that those marks had come to be as a result of hitting his own sister.
His baby sister…the same girl he'd pushed on the swings and forced laughter out of when she grazed her knee in the park.
Swallowing hard, he forced his eyes up from his hand and carried on stumbling numbly down the street. He had thought of going to see Lara but given what had happened and how he knew she would have felt about it, he found himself unable to face her.
Though that didn't explain how he had somehow ended up in Barking, wandering around past what had once been the Abbey and onto the Anchor which served as the boys new haunt. Gripping the half empty bottle of JD in his hand, he took another sip and grimaced.
A part of him wanted to find Pete and make sure he was ok, to explain to him that Allie was worth hanging in there for and to try and figure out a way of getting himself back in her good books.
The other part of him was more than aware that Pete Dunham would kill him without a second thought once he knew what had happened.
Sighing, he ran a hand through his sandy coloured hair and pulled his phone out of his pocket, rolling his eyes slightly when he saw that his father and brother had both tried to call him about 20 times each.
"You son of a bitch!"
The shout rang through the frosted mid afternoon air loud enough to make him jump, his eyes darting around looking for the source of the outburst when suddenly he froze, glancing across the road.
"Oh fuck," he whispered to himself, watching as his brother in law shoved Matt Buckner to the ground and then wasted no time in jumping on top of him, his fists swinging violently.
Dashing out in front of a rather unimpressed car, Harry flipped his phone back open and dialled Allie's number, praying to God that she had the sense to answer it because if there was one person Harry Harding trusted to defuse whatever was going on here, it was his sister.
"You son of a bitch!"
Matt actually screeched when Pete's fist made contact with his face, the wound in his nose opening up again instantly and allowing blood to drain freely from his bruised nostrils.
"Pete, wait…it wasn't…I can explain!" Matt cried, backing away from the crazed looking blonde and holding his hands up.
Having been in fights with Pete when the GSE had still been up and running, Matt knew just how out of control Pete could get yet there was always a point at which he would pull back.
However from the look in his frosted blue eyes right then, Matt knew that Pete had no intention of stopping.
"And just what the fuck makes you think I wanna hear anything you've gotta say?" Pete shouted, shoving Matt onto the ground and standing over him, his foot going to the younger man's chest and pressing down. "I knew you were cunt from the beginning, I should 'ave fuckin' listened to my instincts but no…I gave you a shot…I gave you more than one actually and this…this is how you fuckin' pay me back? Fucking me over? Kissing my wife?"
The last sentence came out as a scream and he slammed his foot down hard, forcing a pained shout out of the man underneath.
"So what happened, huh?" Pete shouted, ignoring the pain in his chest as he pictured it. "What the fuck did you do?"
"It was…Allie was just upset and…"
Matt trailed off as Pete yanked him back up and slammed him hard into the iron gates lining the pavement.
"Say her name again," Pete growled, squeezing Matt's throat. "And I'll fuckin' kill you,"
"You're so busy thinking about why I was there," Matt hissed, loosing his own temper. "Are you not even going to think about why the hell you weren't there?"
"This ain't some fuckin' journo Q&A session," Pete snapped. "I should 'ave done this five years ago,"
"Done what?" Matt asked, narrowing his eyes.
Pete didn't answer, instead choosing to pull his fist back again and slam it into Matt's already bruised face, almost smirking when he heard a satisfying crack.
The American fell back onto the ground and lay there for a moment, watching in fear as Pete paced back and forth before slamming his fist into the side of an old car and shattering the window.
Glass poured over his hand, droplets of blood appearing in between his knuckles as he flexed his sore looking fingers. Tears gathered in his eyes and he turned on Matt again, hating himself for it.
"How could you fuckin' do it to me?" he hissed. "You're supposed to be my mate and you…fuck!" he shouted, lacing his hands behind his head.
"Pete…it didn't mean anything alright?" Matt coughed. "It was just…I kissed her, she didn't even kiss me back…I was just upset and scared and…fuck, it was just one of those things, alright?"
"No Matt," Pete shot back. "It's not fuckin' alright. You kissed my wife! Do you realise how fucked up that is?"
"Christ its not like I fucking slept with her!" Matt shouted.
He instantly knew those were the wrong words to use; the mind of Pete Dunham could be a dark place at the best of times but when comments like that were thrown his way, Matt knew that Pete wouldn't be able to help but imagine it actually happening.
"You what?" he asked darkly.
"Uh…" Matt looked around silently praying that Terry would storm out of the pub and drag Pete away but the slight wind whipping around him and the lack of traffic taunted him with the knowledge that no such hero was coming.
"Look, it was a mistake ok?" he laughed. "I can't stress that enough…and I thought that…that coming here and explaining things to you instead of your finding out through Ben or someone…" Matt shook his head and laughed again. "Fuck, I thought I was doing the right thing?"
"When?" Pete snapped. "When you came 'ere or when you shoved your tongue down Allie's throat?"
Matt winced at the vicious tone in his friend's voice and opened his mouth to speak when a loud crash sounded out next to him and cause both men to jump.
"Ow!" Harry shouted, gripping knee as he lay on the floor. "Who the fuck puts fucking bins on the corner of the curb?"
Pete stared at his brother in law as he lay staring up at the sky, his funeral suit now stained with an interesting mixture of garbage water and half melted snow.
"What the fuck are you doin' ere?" he demanded, shaking his head.
"I was planning on doing a run up and flooring you so you wouldn't end up killing him," Harry answered, pointing at Matt who was staring at him gratefully, still gripping his nose clumsily as it bled.
"If you knew what he did…" Pete snapped.
"He frenched Allie, right?" Harry wrinkled his nose and flicked a piece of chip paper off of his sleeve. "Big fucking whoop…"
"You do remember that your sisters married don't ya?" Pete glared at him.
"It's hard to forget," the blonde laughed, standing up slowly and brushing himself off. "But doesn't the fact that she married you over everyone else clue you into the fact that she might not want to kiss other blokes?"
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Pete shouted.
"It was a mistake, Dunham," Harry shook his head. "I know Buckner's a fuckwit…"
"Thanks…" the yank snorted.
"But that doesn't justify you beating him shitless in the middle of the street a week after Christmas," Harry carried on.
"When did you suddenly become the fuckin' voice of reason?" Pete snorted.
"Maybe it was when I had to watch the girl I was planning on marrying get shoved into the ground…" he hiccupped. "Or maybe its this…I don't know…"
Pete sighed as Harry held up an almost empty bottle of whiskey and took a sip.
"But the point is if you kill Matt, you're throwing both your lives away…and whether you know it or not, Allie needs you…"
He looked down at his knuckles and felt sick again.
Meeting Pete's blue eyes, he swallowed thickly and shrugged, tossing the glass onto the ground and watching it smash.
"And if you want to be pissed at anyone, it should probably be me," Harry held up his hands.
"Why's that?" Pete frowned, suddenly aware that the blonde was swaying slightly.
"Because the reason Allie kissed Matt is because I hit her…" he closed his eyes and sighed. "I hit my little sister…"
Pete's fists clenched at his sides hard enough for his nails to tear into the frosted flesh of his palms.
"And why the fuck did you think telling me this would be a good idea?" he snapped.
"Because…" Harry opened one eye and smirked slightly. "You'd have to be lower than low to hit an unconscious guy…"
"What?" Pete blinked just before with one last hiccup, Harry Harding collapsed next to the spilt whiskey and broken glass on the pavement.
Allie sighed as she came to a stop at the old oak door, her hand resting shakily against the handle.
She knew that on the inside lay the familiar cobalt Yves Saint Laurent paint work and scrawls on the wall, she knew that the scent of Chanel and cinnamon shampoo would hit her, she knew that the Queen size bed would still be made, its pristine sheets waiting for the warm body that would never come.
Downstairs, she listened to the sound of the last few guests milling around, staring at photos and agreeing whole heartedly that the buffet had been more than they were expecting. Her phone which had rung a few times now lay dormant in her hand, Harry's number illuminated on the screen where he had attempted to call her. For what she wasn't sure as she was certain that he had to have said all he wanted to out on the drive.
Closing her eyes, Allie pushed down on the handle, taking in a sharp breath when the familiar click sounded through the hall and the door pushed open just slightly.
With confidence she didn't know she had in her, the blonde strolled into the room half expecting to see Lara sat in front of the antique vanity, feet up on the stool as she painted her toenails some absurd colour she had seen on the catwalks at a random show over the weekend.
Instead she was greeted by a coldness that didn't suit the room, the large space seeming even bigger without the red head there to occupy it.
Having not dared enter the room since Lara had died, Allie stood still for a long moment, her fingers twitching, unsure of what to do.
"Ok," she whispered to herself. "It's ok…"
Walking further into the room, she let her fingers brush lightly over the vanity, over the music box her father had given her when she was seven, over the various potions and lotions bottle up in front of the glass.
Making her way over to the wardrobe, Allie stepped inside and smiled warmly at the shoes lining the walls, at the Jimmy Choo boxes strewn about the floor along with insoles and notes from earlier editions of the magazine.
Reaching for one of Lara's favourite sweaters, Allie tugged on the sleeve and closed her eyes, inhaling the smell and letting herself pretend for a moment that everything was as it should be.
It was only when she knocked something with her foot that she opened them again, green orbs staring down at the small chest warily.
Bending down, she sat carefully and kicked off her shoes, pulling the old wooden crate into her lap and brushing some dust off of it, laughing out loud when it revealed an 'I love WHAM!' sticker along with cut outs from various magazines.
Unsure of whether to open it, she drummed her fingers along the worm eaten sides for a moment before sighing and gently lifting the top off.
Her breath left her lungs in a whoosh as she stared into the box.
Photos, diary pages, badges…everything Lara and Allie had ever shared lay before her, the musky scent of dust enveloping her as she reached into the box shakily and pulled out a photo of the two of them when they were little.
Lara's two front teeth were missing as were Allie's own and they sat side by side, arms slung around each others shoulders as they grinned at the camera from the swimming pool.
Beneath it laid a photo of them after their first night at Uni, completely hung over and dressed in London Met hoodies as they ate hot dogs by the river, Jack looking at them in disgust as he lapped daintily at his Chi Latte.
Tears stung her eyes as she sifted through them, blinking in confusion when she came across a video tape.
Picking it up, she laughed seeing that it was the supposedly missing copy of her and Pete's wedding, the front of it marked with bright pink lipstick and an 'I love West Ham' sticker.
Eyeing the widescreen TV at the end of Lara's bed, Allie bit her lip and silently debated what to do.
Not giving herself the chance to think, she stood up and padded over to it, sliding the cassette in and adjusting the channels before taking a step back and laughing lightly as Bovver's face filled the screen.
"Get that fuckin' thing outta my face you bastard," he muttered in his gruff manner, raising a hand and shaking the camera hard.
"Oi," Dave's voice came across. "Let go, you twat! This camera costs more than my rent every month,"
The camera panned around to Pete who was slumped in a chair, his handsome 24 year old face in no way different to how it looked now, though the light in his eyes and the mischievous smirk on his lips made Allie's heart skip as he loosened his tie and raised a glass of champagne at the camera.
"Oi, oi," Dave laughed. "There's the fallen man…care to say a few words?"
"Not exactly," Pete laughed, downing the glass and looking past the camera. "In fact, I've got business to attend to…"
The camera swung around to reveal Allie crooking her finger at Pete who ran up to her and picked her up, her excited laugh sounding out through the marquee as her wedding dress fanned around her, her head lowering down to Pete's as he kissed her.
The sight made Allie's heart pound and she sat down on the edge of the bed, the remote clutched protectively to her chest as she watched her past unfold.
"So Buckner," Swill drawled out as the camera panned back around. "How does it feel to 'ave lost out to ol' Petey?"
"Uh…" the American looked nervously at the camera and Allie couldn't help but to roll her eyes.
"Oh come on, give the girl a break…look, you're making her blush…"
The voice came out of nowhere and Allie froze, her throat tightening as Dave shot over to where Lara was standing next to Matt, her auburn curls falling down into her face as she grinned, her shimmering gold dress clinging to her perfectly.
"Hey, I'm fine alright.." Matt protested. "I just don't think that we should be talking about this now…"
"Hey, it's Allie and Pete's wedding…" Lara shrugged. "If ever there was an opportunity for us to rip the piss out of your unrequited love for blondie, its here and now…"
Laughter sounded and Allie felt a tear drip down her face as she laughed quietly along with them.
"Lara…" Dave chuckled. "You've actually got a fuckin' soul…how d'you fancy sayin' somethin' nice?"
"To the crappy couple?" she winked. "Always…"
Pushing her hair back behind her ears, Lara picked up a full flute of champagne and cleared her throat, her huge brown eyes meeting the lens as she let out a breath.
"Ok, we ready?" she asked Dave.
"Go on…" he told her.
"Right," she nodded. "So…Petey…you finally took her off my hands and for that alone I say thank you because, I'm not going to lie. Alyssa's hot and all but I was getting worried she was starting to consider a move to the other team and I wasn't ready to deal with that so…thank you."
She laughed and bit her lip, licking some of her lip gloss off and shaking her head.
"To Allie cat….Jesus…this is surreal. You know one minute you're the geek in my ballet class, such an outcast that you're forced to befriend the token ginger," she pointed to her own hair and the boys laughed.
"But uh…I'm at your wedding and I'm actually watching you dance with your husband…husband…that's so bloody weird but anyway it's pretty damn cool. See if you want me to make a little confession, I was always dreading the day that Pete would propose because I was scared of losing you. Because you, Allie have been the one constant thing in my life and the idea of having to give that away to someone else is so scary that…"
Her voice hitched and she looked down into her glass with a sad smile before meeting the lens again, her brown eyes sparkling with tears.
"But what I didn't think about is how beautiful you would look walking down that isle…not as hot as me, but whatever…" she winked. "I didn't think about how amazing it would feel to see my best friend the happiest I'd ever seen her…plus, Pete looks really, really hot in a suit, right boys?"
"Yep," Ike joked.
"Hell yeah, look at that arse," Swill chimed in.
"Totally would," Jack quipped. "And have…"
"See…" Lara laughed. "So I guess my message is…I love you both so, so much and I want nothing but happiness for you. I want this mini Dunham to know how amazing its parents are and to go easy on them because they're pretty cool for oldies anyway…and I want you both to know that I'll always be there for you,"
Allie let out a sob and clutched her chest tighter, her eyes clouding over until the images on the screen were nothing but murky colours.
"I love you both, I want you to have the most amazing day and I want you to watch this when you're 100 and remember how totally hot we all were."
Grinning at the lens, she blew a kiss and pressed it to the camera.
"Love you guys!" she called. "Now can we please go and dance? Swilliam, I'm so looking at you! Get that fat arse up and play the Danny to my Sandy!"
"Oh, fuck off!" Swill groaned. "I don't do none of that shit…you've seen me dance before, you know what its like…"
"I'm not taking no for an answer…now get up!" Lara laughed and reached her hand out.
Quickly pausing it, Allie stared at the screen taking in the deep brown eyes she knew so well.
Her eyes swept over the tiny freckles on Lara's shoulders, bared by her strapless dress, determined to memorize every time thing about her. The way every strand of hair seemed to be a different shade of red, the way her eyes glittered as she laughed, her skin glowing as she reached out to pull Swill onto the dance floor.
Recalling the words Lara had said a moment ago, 'I want you guys to remember that I'll always be there for you…', Allie sobbed harder and slid down off of the bed and onto the floor.
Her stomach began to hurt as she cried silently, her eyes trained on the TV screen.
She sat there still clutching the sweater than somehow still smelt of Lara until the light from outside faded as did the voices downstairs. Tears poured relentlessly down her face as she stared at the image captured on the screen, her hands gripping the material harder.
She must not have heard the knock at the door because the next thing she knew, Benjamin was sat next to her, his bandaged arm falling clumsily over her shoulder as he kissed the top of her head.
"Alright, blondie?" he asked her.
"She's really gone," Allie whispered brokenly. "Isn't she?"
Benjamin stared up at the face on the screen and felt a lump form in his throat, recalling the last few moments before the accident and deciding not to share with Allie that Lara's laugh still haunted him at night or that the image of her being pulled from the mangled seat would never leave him no matter how hard he tried.
"Yeah," he whispered back, hugging her tighter. The girl who was the closest thing he would ever have to a little sister seeming to grow smaller next to him. "Yeah, she's gone kiddo,"
Allie nodded and took in a shaky breath before uttering the words she hadn't said to anyone since the accident.
"I miss her, Ben," she whispered. "I miss her so much…"
"I know," he nodded. "I know you do sweetheart,"
Neither of them had any idea how long it was that they sat there simply staring at Lara as she smiled down at them, the static image flickering before them until the sound of the front door slamming and an all too familiar shout brought them back to reality.
"My head hurts."
"Of course it fuckin' does you tit, you fell onto concrete," Pete snapped, dragging Harry in through the front door and kicking it shut behind them, wincing when it slammed a little too hard.
He waited for a second and felt satisfied that no one was in, worrying himself slightly with his lack of concern for where Allie might be. Glancing back at Matt who was lingering around the front door, he narrowed his eyes and whistled.
"Oi," he snapped. "Are you gonna fuckin' help or what?"
"Yeah, Matt…" Harry frowned. "How about doing something other than my sister?"
Matt flinched as the older man laughed at his own joke, stopping only to complain that Pete was gripping his arm too hard.
"Yeah, well you're lucky it ain't your fuckin' neck," Pete muttered, practically dragging him into the living room and throwing him onto the sofa.
"You're a fuckin' mess, mate," he shook his head.
"Yeah?" Harry quirked an eyebrow. "Well you're a complete shit but that doesn't mean I man handle you and call you names,"
"Shut up," Pete snapped. "I've 'ad enough of your shit tonight, you can stay 'ere…I ain't carrying your ugly mug upstairs,"
"Oh my God!"
Pete and Matt spun around and faced Allie as she stood with Benjamin, her eyes tired looking and red from crying.
"Handsome devils we may be but none of us are God," Harry slurred, half sitting up and frowning as the room began to spin. "Hi, sis,"
Allie looked from Harry to Pete to Matt and then back to Pete again.
Between the blood on Pete's hands and the blood all over Matt's shirt and face, it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what had happened.
"What's going on?" she asked quietly.
"Dunno," Pete shrugged, shoving past her. "Why don't you ask Matt?"
Ignoring the nod Benjamin shot his way, Pete slammed the living room door and carried on through to the kitchen, wrinkling his nose in disgust at all the half eaten food lying around from the wake.
Yanking the medicine cupboard open, he located the plasters and pulled a few from the box, clumsily unwrapping them and attempting to place them over his bruised knuckles.
The door to the kitchen creaked behind him and he didn't bother turning around, knowing full well that it was Allie. He could smell her, the same sweet, vanilla and cinnamon scent she always carried wafting through the room and making his heart quicken.
"Do you need help?" she asked quietly, coming to stand next to him and reaching for the plaster he was fumbling with.
"No," he snapped, not bothering to look at her.
"Pete," she whispered and he steeled himself.
His name had never been anything short of a weapon when it came from those lips.
"You wanna help me?" he snorted, shoving the first aid box away. "Fine, tell me what the fuck you were thinking when you kissed Matt?"
Allie shook her head and found herself taking a slight step back from him, the utter fury in his bright blue eyes making her somewhat nervous.
"I didn't kiss him," she stuttered. "Pete…I pulled back, ok? I knew it was wrong and I was so worried about you…"
"So worried that you let another bloke kiss you?" Pete rubbed his chin. "Shit, I'd hate to see what you do when you're really worried about me,"
"Ok, this isn't fair," she shook her head.
"No," he told her. "No, its not Allie but then again, one of our best mates is dead, I don't think anything is fair right now, do you? I mean it's a head fuck and a half and I get that but screwing me over…"
"I didn't screw you over!" Allie snapped. "It was one stupid moment that wasn't even my fault…you're making out that I kissed him and I didn't!"
Rubbing his face with his hands, Pete let out a long sigh and shook his head.
"Fuck it, I can't deal with this shit right now," he whispered, moving to step around her.
"Pete," she grabbed his hand and held it in her own, watching as he stared down at it thoughtfully. "Please just…please don't walk out right now, ok? I need you here…"
"I love you," Pete whispered, staring down at his large hand wrapped in her dainty one. "I love you so much it hurts but right now…" he swallowed hard. "I'm shitting myself because all I can think is that…"
"What?" Allie prompted desperately. "What?"
Pete looked into her eyes and pulled back from her, letting the cold seep into his body as he steeled himself against her gaze.
"I used to think that we could get through anything y'know…but this," he rubbed the back of his head and sighed. "This is…I don't know how to be around you, I don't know how to fuckin' talk to you anymore and I just…we're not alright, Allie. You know it as well as I do,"
"But I love you," she whispered. "I love you so much and I-…"
"And what if its not enough?" Pete asked her. "What if this is it for us?"
"Its not," she shook her head. "How can you say that? You and me we're fine, we're stronger than this…"
"I used to think that," Pete told her. "Two weeks ago I would have believed you in a second but now…we're falling apart Allie…we're falling apart and I've started to think that we might not be able to pull ourselves back this time,"
"No," she cried. "No, that's not true…its just with everything…we're going through a shit patch, Pete, what couple doesn't? I mean look me in the eye and tell me that you honestly think we're in trouble,"
Pete stared down at her and then looked away, shaking his head.
"I don't have to tell you, Allie." He whispered. "I can see it in your eyes…you know its there just as much as I do,"
"But…it's just because we're going through so much," she protested brokenly. "It's just…"
"Remember the night we got engaged and you said to me that it was fate that made you get on that train, that you were meant to meet me that night?" he asked her quietly.
"Yes," Allie nodded, recalling it as though it were yesterday.
"I used to think you were right, y'know," he looked out at the darkening sky and shuddered. "But now…"
Allie's eyes widened and before she knew what she was doing, she was on her tip toes, kissing him with everything she had in her, her small hands cupping his face as she held him.
Her heart plummeted when Pete pulled away and shook his head, gently brushing the hair out of her eyes and staring at her with tears in his own.
"I can't…" he told her. "I just…I can't right now, alright?"
"Pete…" she begged. "Jesus, please don't…"
"Go check on Harry," he told her with a gentle shove towards the door. "I'll be there in a bit,"
Allie stared at him in horror as he went back to rummaging through the plaster kit, picking one out and wrapping it over his bloodied knuckle.
"Pete?" Allie asked, feeling pathetic as she knew she sounded. "Can you just…" she gulped and laughed nervously. "I really need a hug right now…"
She watched his shoulders slump slightly as he leant on the counter and shook his head.
"Just go check on your brother," he told her after a long moment. "I'll be in soon,"
Allie clamped her teeth together so as not to let the sob that was building up in her throat escape her lips. The pain ripped through her chest and she stumbled backwards as though Pete had physically hit her.
He remained silent and stoic, leaving her with no other choice than to turn and walk numbly down the hallway back to where her brother was no doubt unconscious, all the while praying that, despite the certainty she felt in her heart, she had not just lost the man she loved.
So as you can see, I'm still stopped at depression central but there's light at the end of the tunnel. For someone at least...I'll try and post again before thursday but remember kids, reviews make me work faster. :P Subtle, ain't I? :D